Panic Attacks

Hey, you know when crazy people think that they aren’t crazy and everyone around them knows they really, really need drugs but Crazy’s just not having it and so they go off their medication and you realize that without drugs they’re even nuttier than you remember and you just want to lock them in a closet them until the drugs get back in their bloodstream?  That sucks.  It sucks even worse when you realize that you’re that crazy person. 


I was starting to think that maybe I didn’t need the drugs for my anxiety disorder but it turns out that within a few weeks of being drug-free all the panicky OCD crap has returned.  Even the math dreams are back.  Every time I close my eyes I’m slaving over impossible algebra problems.  Stuff like “What is red + blue?” and I know you’re thinking “Easy, dumbass.  It’s purple” but no, it’s 8 and you have to show your math. 

Anyway, if you’re thinking about going off your drugs, take it from me: Don’t.  You’re crazy.  You’re the exactly the kind of person these drugs were made for.

By the way, my mom is not a fan of me using the word “crazy” to describe myself so feel free to replace it with another word.  I suggest “balmy” or “bloomin’ mad” because British slang is funny.


Conversation last night between me and my husband:

Me:  I kind of feel like I’m gonna have a panic attack. 

Victor:  Huh.  Hey, rub my feet.


I always feel better when I do something nice for you, so if I let you give me a foot rub it’ll probably help you. 

How generous of you.  But no.

Well then…how about if you just suck it up and stop whining like a big baby?

Excuse me?!

Oops.  Sorry, baby.  I just thought maybe…you know…tough love…?

*glare*  Tough love doesn’t work on anxiety disorders.

Ah.  *long pause*  How about if I just hold you underwater for awhile?


Oh, wait.  No.  That’s for hiccups.

UhnoThat’s not for anything.

Oh.  Well, good thing you didn’t also have the hiccups.

Victor…there’s something really wrong with you.

Still feel like you’re going to have a panic attack?

Not really.

Well then.  You’re welcome.


In non-balmy news, my sister always reads the police dispatcher logs in her area to see who’s being arrested for what because she’s awesome and nosey.  She sent me this one:

10:04 a.m. Indecent exposure; Quail Ridge Apartments; subject showering naked”

Cripes.  I don’t have a punch line for this but that’s okay because I’m pretty sure it doesn’t even need one.

72 thoughts on “Panic Attacks

Read comments below or add one.

  1. You know you’re not really crazy when you know you’re crazy ~ at least that’s what the voices tell me. Also, your sister missed the best one: Identity theft; victim’s information used to open several accounts; 17624 Rosa Drew Lane. Huh, wonder how that happens?

  2. Leave it to your crafty and loving husband to figure out an alternative treatment for you! 😉 Can he help me with my germiphobia problem? Heheheh…

    And girl, if you need the meds, by all means take them if they help you! It’s not “all in your head”. I suffered with panic attacks when I was in my 20’s…I know.

    Pattie’s last blog post..Art: Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

  3. I like Victor.

    As someone who suffers from depression, if I forget my dose, I get these weird electric shocks all day long. People give me crap about being only enjoying a chemical joy, I’m just to have some joy so screw those people. I promise them that if the Lexapro sends me on some sort of homicidal mania, I’m going after them first.

  4. I don’t like you calling yourself crazy either, but you’re the crazy one, so I guess you get to decide what to call it. My husband refuses to take drugs for his ulcers because he thinksthe ulcers will get better as long as he acts tough. Now that is crazy.

    Was the person showering in someone else’s apartment? If not, then I think I committed indecent exposure this morning.

    -R-‘s last blog post..More Than You Ever Wanted To Know, Part Two

  5. Here’s a little extra advice about the crazy, from me to you…don’t watch CSI marathons every night right before bed. You will get up 45987 times a night to check your children and make sure that noise you heard wasn’t someone using a ladder to climb through an upstairs window. Not that I know anything about that or anything.

    Kyla’s last blog post..One more for the list

  6. My daughter also calls herself crazy…I prefer unique. Although balmy is good, sort of harmless, you know.

    And Jen? Take your frickin’ meds!

  7. I deal with anxiety and depression and am thankful for my meds. I call them my happy pills. Most of the time I don’t think they work though! 🙂
    Good thing is, I have no idea what “normal” is, so I’m not really missing out, am I?

    Kelly’s last blog post..I Knew I Had A Problem

  8. Just remember all you crazies out there (myself included most of the time) NORMAL is nothing more than a cycle on the dishwasher!!

  9. You are lucky to have Victor. At my house it’s like:
    Me: I’m feeling all panicky.
    Husband: Is it because of the credit card bill? Your new boss? When was the last time you took the dog to the vet? Did you send my mother a thank-you note yet? Are you worried that the girl has stopped breathing? You’d better go check on her!
    […And then I realize that it’s not a panic attack like I used to have. It’s just stress which is SO much better. Seriously.]

    Anne’s last blog post..You are a bad parent to somebody!

  10. Delurking … ohmysweetlordjesus this is FUNNY. You and Victor. My mom is a cracked nut, and I love her dearly, and this just gave me a whole new script for next time ’round ….

  11. You have no idea how timely this post is for me. I forgot my meds for a couple days in a row, and I’m like, “Hmmm…I feel pretty good…maybe I don’t need them,” and then I’m like, “You dumbass, you’re not just regular crazy, you’re pregnant crazy, and you most certainly DO need those meds.”

    See – that paragraph alone is evidence of my crazy.

    mothergoosemouse’s last blog post..Oh noes! Mah bellybutton haz da FEVER!

  12. Thank you – this post just totally reminded me to take my medication, and I mean that in all seriousness.

  13. That conversation between you and your husband? Hilarious. And also one I can see me having with mine (except he’d be asking for a back rub, because he knows there is no way I am gonna be touching his smelly feet!)

    Z’s last blog post..Ah, Tuesday

  14. Ohhhh lord, from a fellow anxiety attack sufferer, I SO feel your pain when it comes to meds. I must confess, though, I BURST out laughing at the convo between you and Victor. EXCELLENT 😀

    Fuzzball’s last blog post..What a Girl Needs 😉

  15. You and Victor have to get a blog together because the many stories that you tell are hilarious!!!! I can’t stop laughing:)

  16. It’s barmy, not balmy, Jenny my love.

    Phew, sorry, I just had to make that small correction. I love you really, Jenny, and I don’t care what words you use to describe yourself, I think you’re brilliant.

    I still hum Jenny Don’t Be Hasty when I read your blog. xoxox

  17. You meant barmy, right?

    And ha – apparently if showering nude is an indictable offense, I am guilty. Which, you know, is somehow still better than not being guilty…

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Again. Gah!

  18. Okay, the total punch line to the police log is right here in your blog…..”they’s just tits y’all. And for you being crazy……girl, you look normal next to me and you know it. When I left, I just simply passed my crazy crown to you….I’m just not there to show you anymore what crazy really is. : )

  19. I knew there was a more deep down reason that I felt so close to you…it’s the anxiety! well, and that you can summon up wanting to kick your hubby in the nuts during a panic attack.

    He’s funny.

    flutter’s last blog post..Bliss

  20. note to self: stop showering naked…

    oh, and i can be off my medicine for one day and i’m bloody maniacal (yes, i looked up crazy in the thesaurus and “bloody” is probably my favorite british slang)

    Biddy’s last blog post..hodge podge

  21. I’ve never heard of “barmy” before but “balmy” is totally what I meant. I even looked it up to make sure I was spelling it right. It’s in the thesaurus as another word for “insane”.


    Cheese and crackers. It’s bad enough I’m having anxiety attacks…now I’m also paranoid that I’m using incorrect English slang.

  22. Don’t go crazy.

    I find that many people respond well to imperatives.

    Also … read and comment on Mental Floss. It’s the cure for the common crazy.

    p.s. Hope you feel better. 🙂

  23. LOL. Our husbands would get along famously.

    Every now and then I decide I should go off my meds because I’m “all better”. And then in a few months I realize I’m being all crazy insane and start taking them. Then I realize what an idiot I was for going off them in the first place. Then I repeat the process in about 6-9 months.

    You’d think I’d be able to catch on at some point 😉

    I get them (anxiety attacks) and they suck. However I have learned that cleaning like a madwoman seems to somehow help occasionally.

    My Kitchen has been spotless of late. LOL.

  24. I feel your pain. I ran out of my meds due to a screwup with my mail order stuff and after three days I was a wreck, lightheaded, angry at EVERYTHING, panicky.

    I’m not paranoid… they really are out to get me.

    Houston’s last blog post..Blue Tooth Headsets

  25. Hello crazy, I’m a fellow crazy. I went off my meds before Christmas because I was ALL BETTER. And I had pain killers which makes everything ALL BETTER. You know what? I’m not all better, may never be all better and put myself back on the meds this morning. I like to call crazy, crazy too. It offends people though, and then I’m like “Hey, I’m talking about MYSELF I can call me crazy” So I do. Which may be part of why I’m crazy.

    Simply Jenn’s last blog post..You’ll have to forgive me for the sound on this

  26. ((Jenny))

    Honey it’s not just you. ALL sick people get sick of being sick. All of us hope we’ve been magically cured and don’t need meds every day.

    Some days I am sick to death of being sick.

    This past weekend? I went off my meds. I was sick of taking them. 10 in the morning and 12 at night, all evenly spaced to not interact with one another and to accommodate with food or not. What a high-maintenance PITA.

    I actually had to pause today before going to lunch wondering how to work my day around my meds. That SUCKS.

    By Sunday afternoon I paid the super high price, and was sick as a dog, in bed, in pain and nonfunctional.

    I was disheartened because last week my meds failed and we had to tinker and adjust doses and in the interim I felt like crap.

    We all get sick of being sick. And what a let down when we stop the meds and then we find out…no magic cure.

    It doesn’t matter brain or body.

    So you’re right.

    I like “daft.” I call myself “consumptive” because that’s such a nice wasting sounding sort of pitiful Victorian disease. 😉

    Julie Pippert’s last blog post..Why I think “coming out” to other parents is a good thing to do, in certain circumstances

  27. It’s actually “barmy.” In England we might also say “nutty as a fruitcake.” “Balmy” refers to sunny weather.

  28. Your conversation was hilarious!

    I’m dealing with meds with my middle son, and I’m guilty of what you did. “He’s doing so well. He doesn’t need these meds.” So I back off with the meds, and all hell breaks loose.


    Kila’s last blog post..Wacky Winter Weather in Wisconsin

  29. {waving hand} hopping on the crazy train here!

    Did you read my entry the other day on “Panic”? Cause I’m pretty sure that rubbing Victor’s feet would not have helped me at that time.

    Also, in December on “Meds.”

    You’re not alone, you know, even when it feels that way. It always amazes me to hear other people describe something identical to how I feel. mk

    markira’s last blog post..Murphy and the Mechanic

  30. theotherbear Says:
    balmy surely means kind of hot?

    No shirt, sheetrock. Look at that picture of crazy Jenny up there! The woman is supremely hot even when she’s crazy. Not that I’m saying she’s crazy. (I think she said that.) Who am I to judge? Of course, I’ve decided to NEVER EVER EVER go off my meds again. Because I do stupid things when I’m off my meds. I may be crazy, but I’m not insane. Or something.

  31. Okay, people. Is this some sort of “Gaslight” thing where you pretend that the definition of words has changed so I think I’m even crazier than ever and I go to the asylum and everyone steals my grapes while I’m gone?

    It’s BALMY. BALMY, I tell you!

    Websters says it means “soothing and mild” or “crazy foolish”.

    Recognize, y’all.

    Except you, Just A. Reader. You get a pass because you called me “hot”. Also because the xanax just kicked in.

    Yay for xanax.

  32. I was just about to write a blog about how I must be crazy because I have my kids back yet something just feels wrong.

    I am suppose to be on meds, but my fear has me not on them. What fear? The fear of finding the doctor! I was on them for a long time but since I have moved back to Texas in …. 2005, I haven’t been on them. I just can’t do it.

    I hate that feeling just before an anxiety attack.

    So many of the others’ comment hit home too. Was it Jeff that said, he used ot think it was normal to wake up in the middle of the night thinking you are having a heart attack? It must be because I do that all the time.

    And, Kyla, oh yes, I wake up just check on the kids 50 million times a night.

    I also have to check the doors. I click the door lock on my car too…. why? nobody is going to hurt me if they are stealing the car! I am in the house!

    I could go on but why? I have said way too much. I am crazy.

    Hugs, hugs, hugs!!!!

    Erica’s last blog post..Back to life, back to reality

  33. I’m feeling a little balmy myself. Of course, I mean it in the classic adjective sense:

    balmy – adj. mild and refreshing; soft; soothing.

    Oh yeah, that’s me all over.

  34. OK. I’m one of the ones who sucks because I just now read your blog entry. Hey! I have the dream where I’m always taking a final and I didn’t go to that class all semester. Take care of you!!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Secret Fetish

  35. it took me four relapses of depression to understand that meds were a good thing. at least for me.
    and even when my husband thinks he’s helping me and does take my mind off of my issues – i still have the urge to punch him in the face. thank God i’m on meds!

    teresa’s last blog post..The Perfect Evening

  36. I’ll have to start wearing my suit to shower or pray the neighbors don’t peek in my windows.

    I soooo know what you mean about drugs, babe. I do. I do. ((hugs)) to you.

    Victor sounds a lot like T. A few weeks ago when I started crying after a *really* rough evening trying to get the kids to bed he said (with all seriousness), “You know, you’ve been a real bummer lately.” Yes, he did. He said that to the woman who had just left her job on short term disability for depression. A real bummer. I nearly kicked him in the testicles.

    Lawyer Mama’s last blog post..The Boys – With My New Toy

  37. Aren’t panic attacks fun stuff??
    A couple years ago, just after I started dating my husband, I started having these “episodes”. ( Not sure if the two were related )Sweaty, heart pounding, dizzy, nauseous. One night we were in this dive of a restaraunt, I started feeling unwell and excused myself to go outside for some fresh air. I took a detour and went the ladies room instead and the last thing I remember was desperately trying to get the door locked. I woke up 15 minutes later looking at the underside of the commode with seriously brusied ribs a knot the size of Rhode Island on my head.Sweet. And, as I had never managed to get the door locked, my feet were sticking out into the hallway. Classy.
    I thought I was dying. Probably had some rare disease caused by removing the tags from mattresses, or a brain tumor from the time I accidently left a metal twist tie on something I cooked in the microwave.
    Turns out it was *just* panic attcks.
    I told my husband that he was going to have to start taking me to places with nicer bathrooms.

  38. Oooh, anxiety and meds. Two subjects very near and anti-dear to my heart right now as I am trying to detox myself from a year and a half of paxil, and I am now smack-dab in the middle of a vertigo-hotflash-flopsweat withdrawal. And I’ve either been hallucinating, or there are a lot more elderly white women wearing japanese kabuki makeup in the downtown tunnels lately.

  39. OMG I feel your pain. I am on again off again meds for depression. It sucks for everyone around me for the most part.

    Take your meds!

  40. Balmy or barmy, panic attacks are THE WORST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate those things. It’s good your husband is so helpful though…or something…

    Jill/Twipply Skwood’s last blog post..Random stuff

  41. I prefer Basket Full O Crazy. And my mom can’t even handle me calling myself a Chick, so Crazy is super bad.

    It’s funny how that anxiety thing just sort of wallops you in the head, pretty much out of nowhere. There I was, a completely normal and lucid thirty-year-old one day, and the next I couldn’t breathe and someone was crushing my chest with a vice.

    The only thing that got me through was a very good friend who had a knack for just looking at my face and knowing it was happening. He would smile and say: “get out of your head, crazy.” Not sure if it was the words or the toothpaste ad smile…but it worked.

    He’s not around anymore (boys suck) but my xanex will never leave me. I think. Oh shit…

    Saskia’s last blog post..People and Trauma and all of the Beauty in between.

  42. Funny, I usually stop taking my anti=anxiety meds every few months because I feel MUCH better and then about a month into it, I start to feel “edgy” and then one day – i Freak out!

    Today, was one of those days. I started have trouble breathing (which is what normally happens when I have anxiety) and then the cold sweats, the insatiable thirst followed by dizziness,etc. I had to lay down, I was completely shaking. I called in my prescription and 2 hours later I was fine.

    I was surfing through the BlogWorld Panelists and Keynote speakers today and I thought I’d look you up – and this is the blog post I came across. Coincidence? If you’re around long enough in life, you tend not to believe in coincidences so much anymore.
    .-= leyla´s last blog ..2016 Olympic Dreams – CRUSHED! =-.

  43. Man, dude me and your sister need to hang out. My grandma taught me the perfect way to peek through blinds without even lifting them! It’s amazing and no one even know’s your looking out of them!! lol.
    I’m called Feesgando quite often….thats like Texas spanish for nosey…ask a texan some time…say “hey whats Feez -gando mean…they will be like oh it means super nosey…but whatever you do DONT ask what “Fundio” is “Foon-dee-oh” Because that means asshole…but it means asshole like in a really bad way. Roland told me about fundio and he wouldnt tell me what it was unless i asked my mom what it was first….yea…she almost died. So i dont ask my mom what spanish words mean that Roland tells me anymore.

    I used to get real bad anxiety, when i was obsessed with asteroids demolishing the planet…i was always on and would go into these crazy episodes where i would pace back and forward. Yea…pacing is my thing. It happened at work once…hella embarrasing. More so because i had to go back the next day…it was lame. But one day’ i dont know they just stopped. Or went dormant…who the hell knows.
    .-= Crystal´s last blog ..Yea..Ruined for life….THANKS!! wtf!??!! =-.

  44. Sometimes my laziness will override my craziness for a day, and I’ll forget to take my depression medication. The next day, like clockwork, I’ll be watching TV– it’s ALWAYS TV, dammit– and some goofy Hallmark commercial will come on and I’ll start bawling. Then the little logical me inside my brain will look at me weird (yes, from inside my head), cock her head, and remind me that we usually LAUGH at these sorts of displays of emotional blackmail. Then I feel sorry for her for having to live inside a crazy, crying woman’s head, and I take my meds and feel much better.
    .-= Robyn´s last blog ..Fly, fly away =-.

  45. I read this somewhere, “There is no quicker way to significantly reduce general anxiety than adopting good eating and drinking habits.” I started to get excited and then realized they were talking about water!

    good luck

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