I don’t even need to post about Bubba-the-half-paralyzed-tub-cat today because Serotonin-Cha-Cha-Cha has done it for me, and although she’s delusional and a little bit totally crazy, I think she’s right. This cat is trying to destroy me. Yesterday we had to take him back to the doctor because he was dehydrated and so the doctor gave him a “camel hump” which means they shot a giant load of water into his back so he looked like a kitty-Quasimoto. I was afraid that when I gave him his vitamin shot in his back later that water would start squirting out of it like a leaky water balloon, but within a few hours the water hump had gravitated downward, giving him these gigantic, pendulous man boobs. So now in order to find his paralyzed legs I have to physically pick up his man boobies and move them out of the way which is totally embarrassing for both of us. I can’t even look him in the eye anymore. Also the doctor thinks he may need a transfusion and since he’s purebred persian he would apparently need some sort of special black-market magical persian blood which is “really, really expensive”. Of course it is. We told the doctor that if Bubba didn’t make it we’d drain all his blood out of his body and sell it back to him to recoup some of the $1500 we’ve given him already. He didn’t laugh. Maybe it was because we said we’d bring the blood to him in an old diet coke bottle. Doctors are so picky.
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