Having your cat humped = $100

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I don’t even need to post about Bubba-the-half-paralyzed-tub-cat today because Serotonin-Cha-Cha-Cha has done it for me, and although she’s delusional and a little bit totally crazy, I think she’s right.  This cat is trying to destroy me.  Yesterday we had to take him back to the doctor because he was dehydrated and so the doctor gave him a “camel hump” which means they shot a giant load of water into his back so he looked like a kitty-Quasimoto.  I was afraid that when I gave him his vitamin shot in his back later that water would start squirting out of it like a leaky water balloon, but within a few hours the water hump had gravitated downward, giving him these gigantic, pendulous man boobs.  So now in order to find his paralyzed legs I have to physically pick up his man boobies and move them out of the way which is totally embarrassing for both of us.  I can’t even look him in the eye anymore.  Also the doctor thinks he may need a transfusion and since he’s purebred persian he would apparently need some sort of special black-market magical persian blood which is “really, really expensive”.  Of course it is.  We told the doctor that if Bubba didn’t make it we’d drain all his blood out of his body and sell it back to him to recoup some of the $1500 we’ve given him already.  He didn’t laugh.  Maybe it was because we said we’d bring the blood to him in an old diet coke bottle.  Doctors are so picky.

*Cat cartoon from Toothpaste for Dinner, via Serotonin-cha-cha-cha.

60 thoughts on “Having your cat humped = $100

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Ooh, my parents cat used to have to get those water injections! I think my mom had to give them to him on a regular basis once he became a very old kitty. It was kind of freaky. I hope Bubba starts getting better soon!

    Erin’s last blog post..Layne’s Turn in the Spot Light

  2. OMG, LMAO, Jenny and the vet story is just plain funny!

    We (my daughter and I) are currently waiting to hear if her newest dog is gonna lose his right eye….www.oohashinypen.blogspot.com

    Sandy’s last blog post..Yippy, Jif

  3. See, that ain’t right. That just ain’t right. Paralysis AND man boobs?

    I’m trying to think if I actually love my cat enough to spend $1,500 on her … I mean, she’s cool and all. Do they offer kitty loans at WAMU?

  4. I’m glad you’re able to keep a sense of humor through this, but I felt so bad because I was laughing at the things you typed…But it’s all about your cat being sick…So I shouldn’t be laughing…But you’re the one being funny, darn it…

    3carnations’s last blog post..This, that and the other thing

  5. You’re laughing at this? You are so sick. I was crying while I wrote it. Truly.

    Actually, at a certain point I think you kind of have to see the humor in everything or else you go completely balmy.

  6. You’re right sister. It was one of the Indigo Girls…yeah, I can’t freaking tell them apart that said, “if i didn’t laugh, i’d cry myself to sleep.”

    Persians are freaking expensive. Ask me one day about the time that BillyBob went flying four stories and the resulting vet bill. He’s currently 12 with failing kidneys. Christ. On. A. Crutch. it is expensive.

  7. Oh Jenny, I’ll say a prayer for Bubba and his boobies.

    And now I’ll add that one to the long list of sentences I never thought I’d have to utter (much less Jesus would have to hear :).

    Greta’s last blog post..DTBMULFer of the Day

  8. We had to do that for one of our dear departed kitties, only it just stayed on her back. Hopefully he feels better soon…because for us $1K was our limit. Love ya kitty, but for a “grim to poor” survival prognosis, no more surgeries.

    Stacy’s last blog post..Under construction

  9. Ok, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’ve made me feel better about the $150 I just spent finding out there was nothing wrong with our guinea pig. But jezuz…$1500 is a shitload of money! But really, what choice did you have?

    (the other) Jeff’s last blog post..Dan Dan he’s our man!

  10. Oh, Jenny… I love you for keeping your sense of humor even with a defective pussy, making me laugh out loud AND turning me on to Seratonin cha-cha-cha.

  11. This is without a doubt the funniest thing I have encounterd in at least 3 days…and I teach high school to at-risk kids whose main purpose in life is to embarrass the hell out of each other and the staff.

    After I clean up the milk (it shot out of my nose while reading about the man boobs) I’ll say a prayer for you and Bubba!

    Reddlissa’s last blog post..The Evil That Surrounds Me

  12. Wow, your vet is expensive. I’ve given my cats daily fluids before (for kidney problems). There are websites that sell a whole back of the stuff for around $6.00, and it takes about 5 minutes to do.

    I do hope your cat gets well. I understand what it’s like to go through money like water to get them better (see first paragraph).

    midlife mommy’s last blog post..We’ve Finally Decided

  13. Man. That sucks. I thought I might have to start table dancing to pay for my dogs vet bills.

    Will consult my black market sources for some persian cat blood for you …

    Sandra’s last blog post..A Bloody Good Time

  14. Jesus Jenny, this is crazier than my cat Anus who pulled all of her hair out, and the vet told me she had self-induced Alopecia and told me that she needed to be on, and I quote, “kitty Prozac”, and that a one-month course was $400. So I scooped up my manic cat and took her home and told her to pull her hair out all she wanted, she was a good little kitty and I loved her for who she was, not how she looked.

    mamatulip’s last blog post..About today

  15. Poor Bubba…

    Poorer Jenny…

    REALLY poorer Jenny.

    Hilariously written, but I’m not laughing. Is that okay? I still find the humor in the midst, but I can’t help but feel your pain :/.

    Robin’s last blog post..Bacon Tomato Cups

  16. On the bright side, I predict your blog traffic will soar after this post. I wrote about “man boobs” in a different context, and was surprised to find what a popular topic it is among . . . um . . . pervs.

    The Mom Bomb’s last blog post..Eye-Opener

  17. Ya, I considered insurance for my pets at one time. Now I just have the number to the place that will cremate them and put them in an urn. Much cheaper. No pet hospitals for my dogs. Sounds cruel, but I can’t afford an $8000 gal bladder on a 15 year old dog.

    ~Jef

    Edge’s last blog post..Presidential Succession

  18. Why am I just now finding this blog???????? Between the two of us, we’ve funded a research wing at the American Veterinary Research and F*ckoff I’m Billing You For Shit You Don’t Need Center.

    mary’s last blog post..Seriously, Too Tired

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