Timbaland is a liar and probably has gum disease

You know Timbaland’s “The Way I Are“?  In spite of the title which makes me cringe, I cannot stop loudly singing this song every time I hear it.  It’s a duet by Timbaland and his girlfriend about how he doesn’t have any money (Really, Timbaland?  You don’t have any money?)  but she still lets him grope her anyway.  I was sure the chick was singing “Hey baby, it’s alright, you ain’t gotta flaunt it for me.  You can still touch my nuts for free.” which is sweet because there just aren’t enough transvestite love songs out there, but then I read the lyrics and it turns out that what she’s actually saying is that he can still touch her “love” for free, not her nuts, which is just disappointing.  Also instead of “You ain’t gotta flaunt it for me” she’s actually saying “You ain’t gotta floss for me.”  No joke.  That’s what she’s saying.  Whatever, non-transvestite.   You may not be charging for a nut-touch but if he loves you, he’ll floss.  That’s just good hygiene. 

48 thoughts on “Timbaland is a liar and probably has gum disease

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  1. I have never heard of that song. When I read your interpretation of the lyrics, I immediately thought that I had to go listen immediately. Now that I know what the lyrics really are, I’m not so sure.

    Jess’s last blog post..Yay purple wedding!

  2. Wow…some girls have no standards. I don’t think I could date a girl whose all like, ” hey baby, you don’t have to shower or brush your teeth, I have some cashews in the pantry.” I’d be all like, “Hey baby, you need a wash and a visit to the dentist.” That’s how I roll.

  3. I apologize for the incorrect use of the word “whose,” I mean to say “huze,” which is french for “who is,” which is a lie. I need more coffee.

  4. Just thought I would help, Floss means the same as flaunt. To floss(flaunt) something that appears or is expensive.

  5. I have to admit it too…I love listening to that song when I’m driving. The other one is Stronger by Kanye West. “Since OJ had Isotoners. That’s how long I’ve been on ya!”

    Any love declaration that can invoke OJ and also kind of rhyme…IS. Awesome!

    Also…the Timbaland song totally reminds me of my brother-in-law. He ain’t got no money. He can’t buy no flowers. He can’t afford no college degree.

    Greta’s last blog post..The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem?

  6. JC, you are kidding! Floss means flaunt in slang now? OMG, I am approaching 30 faster than a Texan freezes her butt off in 50 degree weather. Old and redneck.

    I just got off the phone with my boy Timba, and he says that he didn’t mean the lyrics in the slang way, the girlfriend means “floss” literally. He just doesn’t like to floss. He does, on the other hand, like to flaunt.

    Dre the Texican’s last blog post..Blog Honesty and a Contest

  7. I don’t really care about the lyrics…it’s the stupid catchy rhythm and beat that suck me in.

    Thanks, it’s stuck in my head now! Someone give me a drill please?

  8. First of all I was all thinking Justin Timberlake had gone all PuffDaddy/Puffy/PDiddy on me and changed his name to Timbaland. Then I realized that he probably hadn’t taken up some serious skin bronzing and binge eating and this must be someone else. For the longest time I thought Gwen Stefani was singing “I ain’t no Harlem Black Girl” instead of being a Hollaback Girl (still don’t know what that is either), and was all dude that’s harsh. Oh, and Jay-Z is Big Pimpin, Spending G’s, not cheese. Singing it the correct way will make you sound like you have a lot more street cred than you actually do, Dog. Aight.

  9. OMG. Which reminds me of another thing. I dropped my daughter off at preschool once (a veeerrrry Christian preschool). The teacher said chirpily, “Oh…today we’re going to call all of the kids by their street names.” (I assume she meant the street where we live.)

    I couldn’t stop laughing. I also couldn’t help myself. I said something like, “Oh, great! My daughter goes by G-money.”

    Needless to say…they did NOT get me. At. all.

  10. Heh. Now, if you really need to jam, you need Ludacris’ Area Codes. Surely The Bloggess has got ho’s in area codes?

  11. I’m of the impression (given by my local teen wanna-be gang members of near suburbia) that good dental care and hygiene is a sign of true devotion. No joke: the hooded young gents at the playground are always flossing.

    So maybe Timbaland (who I thought was a shoe up until recently) is broke because he spent all his money on dentist and now is devoted to taking care of his teeth lest he goes broke again and never be able to afford a hot girlfriend like her. Why am I analysing this stuff? Because I’m insane. Right, I forget sometimes.

    motherbumper’s last blog post..I’m glad to be bad

  12. Actually, she may have meant “floss” as in “scraping the teeth with a piece of string”. Have you tried flossing with that jewel-encrusted metal grillework covering your teeth (which might also explain why he doesn’t have any money)?

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Beware of the Mom Bom

  13. Seriously. You need to stop. Cease and desist. I cannot take any more of this hilarity. I was coming by here just to leave one stinking comment and now your blog has sucked away a valuable half hour of my life. I have read about your cat’s man-boobs, your husband’s puking and nonsensical phone calls (not at the same time…but wouldn’t that be cool if he was all puking AND calling you at the same time? Cuz then you could be all, “Hey, Victor, you’re not making any sense” and he’d be all, “BLEEHCHCHBLEEEEHIAMDYING!” and that would be really funny), and a rapper with gingivitis. YOU.MUST.STOP. If I were wearing any makeup right now, it would be running down my face from the tears of laughter. I am supposed to be working here, lady.

    Please. Do it for the children.

    Missie’s last blog post..Soup, Mmmmm Good!

  14. That’s funny that Timbaland was just singing about not having any money because like three months ago he was singing about being in a club acting ‘real nice’ and getting ‘half a mil’ for his ‘beats’. So I’m wondering where all that money went.

    Heather B.’s last blog post..For love

  15. yeah, this song has a great beat but the grammar-ARGH!! It does sound like she’s saying nuts-and it sounds like she’s gonna be a sugar momma-if you strip for me you could get a tip!! LOL!!

    Claudia’s last blog post..Feb 14th

  16. HOLY CRAP! I thought I was the only person in the world who always hears “touch my nuts” too. this makes me feel so much better. admittedly, I wanted it to be “touch my nuts” so bad that I’ve purposefully never looked up the actual lyrics, but I’m glad I had to find out by someone else agreeing instead of just looking it up on my own and feeling disappointed.

  17. p.s. I am still glad I got a whole extra 3 years of just accepting it as “nuts” before reading this post.

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