(Bone Graft) Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

So tomorrow I’m getting my wisdom teeth yanked out and bone grafts put in and I’m all kinds of excited.  Why?  Because tomorrow I will be drugged and will be forced to relax and take it easy.  No worrying about work, no washing the dishes, no feeling guilty for watching Ghost Hunters and Frisky Dingo all day long.  Just me, getting my deeply impacted teeth ripped out of my skull and drooling blood for several days.  It’s sick how excited I am about this. 

 Also, I was going to clean my house tonight because my anxiety disorder is convincing me that I’ll probably die during the surgery and I didn’t want my mom to fly in for the funeral and be all “God, my dead daughter was a shitty housekeeper” but then a friend pointed out that my mom would probably be distraught and would need something to clean to distract her from her intense grief.  So mom, I left those piles of dirty clothes everywhere because I love you.  Also, the porn under the bed is not mineI bought it on accidentFor educational reasons.  Don’t look under the bed.

Comment(s) of the day:  I don’t have any ideas about the stuff under the bed… I was going to say “Send it to a charity group,” but no. No, no, no. Never mind. ~ Melanie

Toys for Twats?  ~ Just A. Reader

105 thoughts on “(Bone Graft) Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I had my wisdom teeth removed for which I was put under anasthesia (sp?). But I had another oral surgery that they just used laughing gas. Best couple hours I ever spent in a chair with my mouth wide open. Man I wish I could get some of that today. Would help with the deadlines and micromanaging bosses.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: What a Teacher Makes

  2. Why do you think I want to get pregnant again? Hello! WEEKS of “oh can you get that” and “I really can’t get out of bed this morning…the baby was up like every hour.”. It is sad when we wish physical pain and suffering upon ourselves to get a damn break! On that note, I too have to get my wisdom teeth pulled out. Their impacted goodness is apparently not so good. and again, like you, I can’t wait.

  3. I need to watch more TV. Frisky Dingo? Must find and record on DVR, since I cannot stay up past 9pm anymore (one of the fun getting-older things).

    I had all four of my wisdom teeth out when I was 17. Walked around looking like a chipmunk for about a week. I couldn’t handle the painkillers so that was a REALLY fun week.

    Good luck, Jenny. It’s won’t be fun, but at least you’ll get some rest.

    Sayre’s last blog post..The Results are In

  4. I’m always freaking out about what people will think of me when they have to clean out my house once I’m on the big ship to paradise island.

    I’m gonna have to go home and come up with a plan of action. Maybe a fire safe box with a key I’ll carry around my neck.

    It’ll have to be a big box.

    Bee’s last blog post.. Maybe I can be there for their divorce?

  5. The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra!!!!

    done a rock dance lately? rowr.

    make sure they give you the REALLY GOOD pain meds.

    Bob’s last blog post..wow

  6. I don’t have wisdom teeth, a fact for which I am eternally thankful. Maybe you are just overly wise. Yes, that is it.

    You can blame the porn on me if you like.

  7. i had my impacted wisdom teeth removed as well. i woke up during the extraction. i remember it all. i heard crunching inside my head and felt pressure then i opened my eyes to see my dentist looming over me with torture devices aimed at my face.
    he looked at me and said “are you okay?” i said “uh huh” and he said “go back to sleep” so I did.

    hey, HAVE FUN

    princessslea’s last blog post..how about another political post?

  8. Maybe I have anxiety disorder too. I always clean before I leave on vacation so that when the plane crashes and people come to my house, they won’t find the sex toys in the nightstand. True story.

    Good luck with the surgery! Enjoy your drug-induced vacation 🙂

    The Introvert’s last blog post..rant

  9. Anything that lets you stay home and watch Ghost Hunters is a good thing. Even if drooling blood. In fact, that might help the Ghost Hunters watching experience!

    Nicole P.’s last blog post..Out of Sorts

  10. I always clean house before plane trips, too. A thorough cleaning before any kind of surgery is absolutely essential. Have you left orders regarding the disposal of your high school diaries?

    Enjoy the codeine and the milkshakes! See you on the other side (of your surgery).

    rimarama’s last blog post..Paging Doctor Shakespeare

  11. Dude. I have some left over vicodin from my “emergency” root canal where he didn’t use enough of that laughing gas and I felt every fucking thing he did. He was all “raise your finger if you feel any pain” I was all “son of a fucking whore! I felt that! (*sheepishly*) Oh, sorry, were there any kids around? Ok, i’ll be sure to just raise my finger next time.” But since he didn’t specify which finger, I flipped him the bird. Let me know if you need more drugs and I will send some to you.

    Good luck with your surgery. I will send happy painless thoughts your way, but not too painless because afterall, you do need a somewhat valid excuse to take the happy pills!

  12. You guys are kind of freaking me out a little. Did I mention that I’ve never had so much as a cavity so I really don’t know what dental pain is like? It seems very vague and easy in my mind. So it’s vague and easy, right?!

    Somebody say it’s vague and easy.

  13. Jenny-
    I love how you can turn a phrase….”Just me, getting my deeply impacted teeth ripped out of my skull and drooling blood for several days. It’s sick how excited I am about this.” It’s poetry, really.

    And Introvert, now I’m paranoid about my nightstand. Thanks for pointing that out. Like I didn’t have enough to worry about trying to keep the children away, now I have to worry about my mom too?

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..Hey all you experienced bloggers out there!

  14. When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, I apparently lost it when I was gassed and accused the 60 year old woman hygenist of trying to rape me while I was under. I’m pretty sure I was trying to be funny but it didn’t go over too well at the dentist’s…

    Better luck to you 🙂

    Steve’s last blog post..Ahh the joys of Yahoo! Answers….

  15. I accidently buy porn all the time. I hide it in the dvd player though. No one ever looks there.

    Good luck with the teeth, I hope you get a funny story out of it that we can later read to amuse ourselves.

    MichaelTAdams’s last blog post..TT Easter edition!

  16. I hope you’ve lined up someone with a strong stomach to clean up your bllod drool. When I had to do that for my husband I thought I was going to yak. He thought it looked really cool, but he was high.
    Enjoy your vacation. You’ll even come back skinnier.

    Anne’s last blog post..You are a bad parent to somebody!

  17. Yeah, I was secretly thrilled to have my gallbladder out last year. I got a week off, and lay around doing NOTHING. Awesome.

    Enjoy your time, even if there is blood drooling involved.

    magpie’s last blog post..Three Cornered Hat

  18. Jenny,

    Relax and enjoy yourself. Just be sure Victor doesn’t ask them to pull ALL of your teeth in some delusional fantasy he has while you are out.

    BTW. I dig Ghosthunters too. Is it just me or does Ghost Hunters International SUCK SO HARD!

    The toilet flushed? HAUNTED!

    Houston’s last blog post..Lucie Reviews “Enchanted”

  19. oh dolly dimple (that is what my husband calls me when I am stressed) don’t fret..all is going to be fine- lots of good vibes yr way. the drugs will be nice…xo Will be thinking bout ya.

    amy’s last blog post..Also younger than the sun

  20. I had an oral surgery thingy last year. Upshot? I have a *serious* crush on the oral surgeon who is not only fabulously handsome (and one must assume fabulously wealthy also) but administers an IV that you *can’t even feel*!!!! *sigh* I love a man who can make me float away on a puffy cloud of nothingness with no pain whatsoever . . .

    Kristin’s last blog post..me, not me

  21. Bone grafts are a hoot! I had to replace my 4 front teeth (knocked loose in a kickboxing match – the last one I ever did because now my mouth is worth $12k), and they required extensive grafting. I had to do a sales presentation immediately after my surgery and I didn’t stop to logic things out first (trauma to soft tissue causes swelling and bleeding). It must’ve looked like a crazy sales gimmick to see this guy walking everyone through a powerpoint while slowly transforming into a homer simpson lookalike as the presentation wore on. A bleeding Homer Simpson lookalike.

    BusyDad’s last blog post..Carnage > V.D.

  22. Being forced to relax and take it easy is weird. I’m on day 10+ of it and I’m becoming a slug. BUT the good thing is people bring food to keep husbands and kids alive!

    ps….Don’t go to Target anytime soon. The guilt of thinking you might die makes you buy weird things for your kids.

    Take care and speedy recovery!

    simplypink’s last blog post..suddenly I see

  23. you’ll be fine. i had them out in high school. piece of cake. just stick with milkshakes and other shit that V can bring you. and take the meds. and don’t send any leftovers to sketchy drug disposal services up east.

  24. It’s gonna be all fine sistah friend. Ponies and rainbows. You won’t feel a thing. Also…not that you necessarily need it, but you’ll lose weight.

    S’all good.

    (Hey, Furiousball, has she looked the other way yet? Man…that girl is going to be hella fucked up.)

    Greta’s last blog post..Easter Dieting

  25. Newsflash…Mom already knows you are a terrible housekeeper. There’s one less thing to worry about. What I want to know is where exactly did they get the bone from? Is it from some kind of animal because you might want to swing by the Vet-o-Death today and get caught up on your shots.

  26. you’ve never had a cavity?! ugh i hate people like you. i can just look at something sweet and get a cavity. i’m a root canal pro.

    also? yeah, i had SIX wisdom teeth. word to the wise, have LOTS of ice packs on hand. they are a godsend when the chipmunk look sets in.

    and don’t try to be tough. take the pain medicine every 5 hours for at least the first 2 days.

    Biddy’s last blog post..A Lesson In Semi-Homemade

  27. shit, me again. i keep remembering tips from the awesome experience of having your wisdom teeth knocked out of your head.

    they might tell you this, but don’t use straws. and don’t drink carbonated drinks. i know both (especially the straw) will be tempting and sounds like a good idea. only problem is, the sucking action will cause the blood clots to come out (the carbonated drinks dissolve them) and then you’re really fucked.

    and keep your cell phone nearby so you don’t have to yell for victor to come wait on you. yelling really sucks when your cheeks are swollen and you have stictches in your mouth.

    Biddy’s last blog post..A Lesson In Semi-Homemade

  28. Dude. I’m not going to lie… my wisdom teeth experience was not fun. However, everyone is different, and I only got dry sockets because I chose to start smoking again three days after the surgery…yet another thing that smoking fucked up for me…

    But, if you stay away from straws, smokes, or anything else that makes you suck for the dentist recommended amount of time you’ll do fine.

    Oh! And don’t eat any of your favorite foods… I still can’t eat mashed potatoes without tasting blood. I know. End of the world. And gross.

    Sensitiva McFeelingsly’s last blog post..The Fine Art of Looking Like an Ass

  29. At my daughter’s daycare, they have this magical place called “alone time”. This is their punishment for when they poke each other with forks during lunch or make fart-sounds in line — they sit on the floor, surrounded by pillows and bookshelves, and read. Please, can I poke someone with a fork? (Or get my wisdom teeth pulled out… again?)

    Melissa’s last blog post..Stephen King or a Stiff Drink?

  30. There is pain. It can be pretty awful. My procedure wasn’t that bad, but I’ve heard lots of horror stories.

    Your face/cheeks can also swell to GIGANTOR proportions.

    And *that* is pure comedy gold.

    jon deal’s last blog post..Uncle Joe

  31. You’re NOT going to die. You’ll be fine.
    I don’t have any ideas about the stuff under the bed… I was going to say “Send it to a charity group,” but no. No, no, no. Never mind.

    Melanie’s last blog post..Fourteen

  32. Eeek, sounds painful, but hurray if you’re happy about getting legal drugs, lol! Relaxing is good.

    By the way, I wanted to thank you personally for voting in my poll! =]

    Stephanie’s last blog post..Incredulity Hulk

  33. Don’t worry about the horrific surgery you are about to endure, you will probably be fine. What I hate most about oral surgery is the feeling of stiff, bloody pain, j/k sucka. Also, I don’t know what :Frisky Dingo” is, but I demand that it be my new title: Disco “Frisky Dingo” Jamboree!

  34. Good luck with the surgery, I’m sure all will go well. Stock up on liquid goodies, movies, drugs, and anything else soothing. Drooling blood is such a bummer……..

    Lisa’s last blog post..Another rambling…

  35. DON’T have a reaction to the pain medicine that will be given to you for the tooth pull which will cause you to throw up and leave green bruises all the way down both sides of your neck, trust me, don’t do it.

    Carla Ecland’s last blog post..Work is so overrated!

  36. Min probably doesn’t remember but she drove me to my wisdom teeth extraction then back to my dad’s. Dad was a doc. Dad had a big container the size of restaurant mayo of perca–somethings. I don’t remmy much after that. dad was good that way.

  37. I hope you have better luck at the dentist than I did this week. It’s funny how they give you all the bad news when they have you pinned down and are holding a drill precariously close to your tongue.

    (good luck!)

  38. “Because tomorrow I will be drugged and will be forced to relax and take it easy.”

    Dang. You make getting a bone graft sound like a day at the spa. Sign me up!

    Here’s to a quick surgery and even quicker healing.

  39. Snap, you get a lot of comments.

    I thought Busy Dad said “Bone grafts are hot!” He said hoot, but I think it would’ve been better if he said hot, so I’m going to say it.

    Bone grafts are hot!

    I don’t even know what a bone graft is.

    Anyway, good luck with it all. Sounds nasty to me. But I didn’t realize the nice side perk of having a serious medical procedure completed=rest. Maybe I will get my damn tonsils out after all.

    singleworkingmommy’s last blog post..Single Working Mom

  40. Wishing you a speedy recovery!

    Both my sister and brother have had to have their wisdom teeth yanked, but I don’t have any to begin with! How warped is that?

    Ghost Hunters is a good watch. And just think of all the jelly and ice-cream you’ll be able to eat without feeling guilty. 🙂

    Katie’s last blog post..A Bug’s Life

  41. OUCH and more OUCH! Thank goodness you’ll be knocked out in the process. I had mine all taken out when I was around 16 before they took vicious roots.

    Enjoy the DRUGS! It will be totally legal too. And enjoy all the relaxing and TV watching. YUM! DON’T, I repeat, DON’T, do any housework. It will make your wounds bleed.. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Chernobyl Lemon

  42. I can’t tell you how many times my heart has leapt at the first hopeful sign of sniffles, as I envision a day stretched out before me of blissful sneezing and coughing while watching junk television and eating junk food with NO GUILT. And then it turns out to be a passing tickle in my sinuses, probably from the dust bunny over in the corner that I’ve been refusing to make eye contact with for the last two months, and I resign myself to my horrible healthy and perfectly capable fate. And I start the laundry. Again.

    The only good thing about dentists are the drugs. I have some fabulous memories of the year my wisdom teeth impacted. Have fun.

    Kelly’s last blog post..My Favorite Neighbor, a Thursday 13

  43. Good luck with the tooth extraction – and with the mainlining of Frisky Dingo. It’s my husband’s new favorite show, so we’ve been going around hollering “Son. Of. A. WHORE!” at each other and pantomiming knocking cereal bowls off the counter and then silently backing out of the room for about a week.

    Seriously, though – enjoy the good drugs and chillin’ out max and relaxin’ all cool. With your bone grafts. Hey, and if you get tired of Ghost Hunters, there’s always the highly anticipated Rock Monster that’s on SciFi tomorrow. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

    omglawdork’s last blog post..Oh noes, snow rage! Bonus: weird dreams and SXSW

  44. I am being one of those obnoxiously boorish readers who blythely leaves a comment without reading the others to determine if I am repeating what’s already been said ten times over. Buy mints. The taste of dirty pennies in your mouth all weekend is loathsome. Might I also suggest planting a mournful journal entry in a very conspicuous place that regales the reader (mama) with your despondence over never truly being able to get the scum around the faucet clean…could come out in your favor.

    amanda’s last blog post..Did you hear her?

  45. The Viking Slacker just gave me the first season of “Dingo” on disc. I watched Sunday’s episode too. “Ya ever take a dump and throw up on your dick?” Best. Line. Ever.

    Galoot’s last blog post..The Madness: Part 1.2

  46. Much like Shakespeare or The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra.

    oh my god. how sad. In our house, we’re all shakespeare all the time because of my daughter and her Shakespeare high school summer camp and trip to London next month. And the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra is one of our all time favorites. We dance like the hypnotized scientist, and we say “tip tip” when we drink from cups. And when there is something on TV that is all “science is smart,” we’re all “of course it is. It’s science. You silly woman. ha ha ha!” and crap like that.

    Good luck when you’re healing. Write some good drug-influenced blog entries while you’re in recovery. It’s better than drunken phone calls. Drunk blogging is the best.

  47. Holy Mother of God, this blog is some funny shit. Can I say shit, here? Either way, prepare to be blog stalked.

  48. Until I had kids, I never thought that invasive medical procedures would sound so appealing. Drugs? Rest? Unconsciousness? I’m there.

    Don’t turn down any drugs they give you, and sleep with two pillows to avoid dry sockets (that’s all the advice I have).

    Thanks for stopping by my place this morning!

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..Rain check

  49. I totally never thought about all the porn we have in our bedroom! Holy shit, my mom would FREAK if I die and she finds that! Note to self: Lock up all porn in gun safe when you get home tonight. My mom is just as afraid of guns as she is of porn, so she’ll never look there.

    Jenny, hope you are even now, at this very moment, enjoying the bliss that is laughing gas and pain meds. Also hope your sockets don’t dry out…it’s about as painful as a dry hump. Just sayin’.

    Miss Yvonne’s last blog post..Puke Monster Update

  50. Toys for Twats… ROFLMAO!! Jenny that is what you should do, buy a rubbermaid container, write Toys for Twats on it, put your porn in it and should you unexpectedly die maybe just maybe your Mom will read Toys for Tot’s and just donate it. Let the volunteers worry about what to do with it!!

    I think you should watch the porn while high on pain meds… you might actually find the plot!

  51. Why is there porn under your bed? That’s what the internet is for:

    Hope all went well. Now, back to that interweb thing…

  52. De-lurking to say…I am SO totally using the “mom will be distraught and need to clean” excuse! Made me laugh out loud!

    Oh, and I totally thought the squid and the bear were funny… before you updated.

    Momma Mary’s last blog post..Dear Not the Momma,

  53. My sister had all four of her wisdom teeth removed and they were impacted so the dentist had to twist, chip and hack ’em out of her head. Her face was so swollen her mouth was the size of a nostril and she couldn’t eat or smile or really speak. I found it hysterical. She looked like a chipmunk.
    She kept telling me that my turn would come … I later discovered I had no wisdom teeth.
    Evidently I am one of the evolved superior beings. Worship me.

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