High

Hi.  Oh hi.  I’m high.  I just took 6 pills.  6 pills is a lot.

But I’m alive and minus wisdom teeth.

I thought I wrote a post explaining about being high earlier but I can’t find it?  Where are you little entry about being high?  Did I dream you?  Did you know that I have 61 unpublished entries in my draft file?  That’s a lot, right?  I’m tempted to publish all of them right now just to freak you all out but I feel like I’d regret it a lot once I sobered up because seriously?  Not so good. 

So I got some laughing gas and then I was all “This stuff is poorly named.  I don’t feel like laughing at all.”  Then they started an IV of “the good stuff” and suddenly I felt an overwhelming urge to laugh and I got stuck in a giggle loop where you try to stop laughing and it just makes you worse like when you’re at a funeral and you’re laughing so hard at something you shouldn’t be laughing at and so you start shaking and tearing up  and everyone thinks you’re grieving and taking it really hard but in actuality you’re laughing about how funny the word “c*nt” is.  Is “actuality” a word?  Because I use it all the time in my head but not out loud.  Also, I pronounce it with a british accent.  In my head.  C*nt.  Ha!

So anyway, the surgery was fine except that I got super pissed off that they wouldn’t give me my teeth because I wanted to sell them on ebay like Corey Haim did but they said they already threw them away.  Bastards.  (Also pronounced with an English accent.)  Then I got in the car and threw up out the window and the dentist assistant had to come out and change out my gauze in the parking lot while I acted like a total idiot.  It was much like being back in college but with more dental assistants.

After that I fell asleep for the rest of the day and Victor woke me up at midnight to tell me someone was sneeking around our house.  I was all “Something’s sneeking around in our house?  Like a leprechaun?” and he was all “No, drunky.  Someone’s OUTSIDE the house” and he grabbed the riot gun and ran outside.  And I sat there thinking that he was never going to be able to shoot a lepreachan because those things are freaking nimble.  So I find the phone and dial 9 and 1 and wait until I hear a gunshot before I dial the other 1 and then I see Victor lugging in a giant box.  Turns out that our neighbor signed for a package and was just leaving it on our porch.  It also turns out that I’d pressed memory and 1 accidentally and left a really weird muttery message on my work voicemail about leprechauns. 

Anyway, I’m ouchy and need more drugs.  Oh and you know what?!  Turns out I didn’t have wisdom teeth on top.  Just on bottom.  When they told me that I yelled “KICK-ASS!” and some kid down the hall started laughing his ass off.  Then the giggle loop started again.  Also, I every time I say “Guess what?” to Victor he’s all “You didn’t have wisdom teeth on the top of your mouth?  Because you’ve told me that like nine times already.”  I’m all “Really, nine times?” and he’s like “Yeah, nine times.”  and then I think of Ferris Beuller when Principal Roony tells Ferris’s mother that Ferris has been absent nine times and she all “Nine times?” and he’s all “Nine times!” and then I start laughing again but I’m too high to explain why it’s so funny and Victor makes me go back to bed. 

Hey did you know I have a really big announcement to make that I can’t make yet?  Because I do and it will BLOW.  YOUR. MIND.  Or possibly you won’t care at all.  

I’ll probably delete this whole post when I sober up. 

Comment of the day:  Is the big announcement that you only had wisdom teeth on the top?  ~ Kittenpie

143 thoughts on “High

Read comments below or add one.

  1. High from the land of high too (I had an “incident” roller skating on Tues). My world doesn’t have leprechauns,only a lot of inappropriate passing out in the middle of the floor. You’re so lucky! Can I join your high hi? I’ll even dress like a leprechaun. But if your dang husband shoots me, I’ll be pisssed. I’m just saying…..

    Simply Jenn’s last blog post.. Do you think this will help sell my house?

  2. Aunt Jemima and the Miami Dolphin’s 1986 starting offensive line want to make you an omelet. Only it’s a special omelet made out of cartoon flowers and Pippi Longstocking cartwheels. If you really took six pills, this all makes sense.

    Rang-dang-diggidy-dang-a-dang rang-dang-diggidy-dang-a-dang
    Rang-dang-diggidy-dang-a-dang-diggidy-dang-a-dang-diggidy-dang-a-dang

    furiousball’s last blog post..Scarlett, parlez-vous français?

  3. Oh man, be high more! One of he funniest posts I have read. You type like I think.

    Anyone want to start a buy the Blogess barbituates fund??? Barbituates are the good kind right?

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    GoingLIkeSixty’s last blog post..Crappy Easter!

  5. OMG! You are f&cking hilarious. I just found oyu a few weeks ago but you make me LOL, really. Love your writing. Please don’t delete this post.

    My favorite part of going to the dentist is the laughing gas. It makes me feel like I just drank four margaritas and have a good buzz going (actually, it only takes one margarita on an empty stomach). I giggle and giggle and everything (listening, pain) feels a few seconds behind. That’s from the laughing gas, not the margaritas. My hygenist has told me that she has had some men fall asleep while on the “gas” and her favorite, some guy got frisky while inhaling the “gas” and grabbed her ta-ta’s!!!!

    Lisa’s last blog post..Again?!

  6. My wisdom teeth are in a little brown envelope in a drawer in the living room. I’ve been thinking about making them into earrings to wear at Halloween. Since I had four, maybe I should send you two. Just to be fair.

    Jodi’s last blog post..AMAZING.

  7. I only had 3 wisdom teeth. I had them removed with a local only because I was pregnant when I had them removed! I wish I still had them so that I could go and have them removed and get high! (kidding) I’m with Clint, we need to keep you high so that you can keep us laughing!

    Traceytreasure’s last blog post..Everything

  8. Don’t you dare delete this ’cause it’s the funniest thing I’ve read in awhile! Everyone should post while high on dental drugs at least once. 🙂

    jen’s last blog post..No one is safe?

  9. What is the big announcement? Don’t even say its that you didn’t have any top wisdom teeth.

    yep, 6 pills, just right.

  10. delete this post and i will kill you! hahahaha this is SO what my post would have been like, had i had a blog when i got my wisdom teeth out!

    except, after they gave me the laughing gas, they sprayed my hand with some “cold” spray to numb it before they put the IV in. i was all “MOTHER FUCKER!” haha whoops.

    also? i totally flirted with and asked out the oral surgeon. the married oral surgeon…

    and the bastards (which i also say with a british accent) didn’t give me my teeth either. fuckers

    Biddy’s last blog post..shut right up!

  11. Omigosh–every single day at work (pharmacy) I think how fun it would be to pilfer a few bottles of the good stuff and have a party. You totally proved my theory!!!

    This post leaves me with questions, for example did your husband actually shoot the neighbor???

    Oh, and I’m sending you the bill for my chiropractor because you made me laugh so f*cking hard I sprained my vertebrae!!! And I can’t count the number of times I’ve sat at a funeral laughing about a “c*nt” ; )

    Kristin’s last blog post..this is why he calls me the ‘anti-Kris’

  12. I love you high! baaaahaaaa

    Should I be scared that I thought the thing about c*nt was funny. And the “kick ass.” And the “NINE times.”? I swear I’m stone cold sober. Well, maybe I’ve just had a *tad* bit of wine.

    Dude, you need to get high again tomorrow & publish those 61 draft posts!

    AND WHAT THE HELL IS THE ANNOUNCEMENT?????????

    You’re killing me here, Jenny. Damn you.

    Ooh & I have a present for you that will be on my blog on Monday…. (So, there. I get to torture you back!)

    Lawyer Mama’s last blog post..Color

  13. Omg…this was freakin’ funny!!! Do not delete! At the expense of your pain and suffering, wait your high…there is no pain and suffering!! well anyway…thanks a million for the laughs!!

  14. DON’T DELETE IT! I LOVED IT! I am still laughing! I can’t decide which is better- the riot gun/911 part or the “KICK-ASS!” part… oh, the tears… LMAO!

    Shades’s last blog post..Aggravation Is:

  15. My wisdom teeth were too smashed up to keep, but the drugs were nice… This all sounds so familiar from last month when I started the diclectin. The world is pretty funny when you’re high. I don’t know why I never tried drugs before that, to be honest.

    Is the big announcement that you only had wisdom teeth on the top?

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Remember, You Asked…

  16. See, I knew you were only half-wise. like my new word? Just made it up. And, to think, I’ve not had any drugs. Now, THAT’s truly frightening. LOL Take it easy. Try not to kill hubby or anything else while you’re high (it’d be messy..or so I hear). 😉

  17. I felt high just reading this post. You made my day, I totally needed that buzz. In actuality your blog is better than laughing gas. Like nine times better.

  18. Shit I wish I was that funny when I had mine out. I was all ‘I hate you dentist, and your freaking dog’ and then giggled all the way home till the pain killers wore off. Husband took me to the emergency room to get some more meds and cause I was acting all in pain they assumed I was a druggie and called the police. Then, when it couldn’t get any better, my breast feeding boobs exploded all over the cop.
    Good times, good times.

    Kelley’s last blog post..Saturday silliness

  19. is the announcement that you’re pregnant with the leprechaun’s love child? and that it will have 9 teeth?

    it’s after 2 AM here and i still haven’t filled easter baskets. dude.

  20. now i understand the comment you left me about being sober!! silly girl!

    had my wisdom teeth out ages ago. sucked. at least you have obviously have great drugs.

    don’t delete this post.

  21. Holy crap. I do NOT remember writing this post. I’m also getting emails from people I apparently left comments to who are now like “Oh, this is why you left me such a f-ed up comment, you giant druggie.” How embarrassing.

    PS. Victor didn’t fire the gun, thank God. He just waved it around our quiet neighborhood like a loon.

  22. yes! high blogging. you’re the best. i hoped you would do this. love this entry — do not delete it when you sober up.

    keep it. it’s great.

    feel better soon. and until then keep writing us.

  23. Why would you say ‘actuality’ in a british accent? I mean, I tried it, doesn’t really sound any different. Wait. Maybe I say it with a british accent all the time. Shit. I’m not british! People will think I am pretentious. Oh My God! I am pretentious. I am in actuality a pretentious bastard! But, at least i’m not one of those freaks with no wisdom teeth on the top half of their mouth. Those people are weird. And stuff.

    MichaelTAdams’s last blog post..TT Easter edition!

  24. wow…
    drugs are goooood 😉
    Thursday was my day to get a wisdom tooth removed that had been bugging me for a long time… yeah I know only one… but kind of leaves your skull slightly sore.
    Granted I didn’t have quite the experience you had on the way home but hey I good some drugs for pain and then the other bottle with *really* good drugs for the pain.
    I didn’t take more than one of the really good drugs but man I was out big time and didn’t sense anything around me… Until I got up at 5 in the morning to find the bathroom and got lost on my way through the bedroom wondering where I was and where the bathroom went…
    Yeah that was slightly weird… but looking back … geee.

    Despite everything I am glad that sucker is out and not causing me trouble anymore 🙂

    Anyway I can see how people can get addicted but it seems to easy to get those heavy duty drugs. If I got 2-3 pills that would be plenty to get past the worst pain. But actually I got a prescription for 20 with 1 refil… dang… that’s 40 pills of weirdness… sooo not needed.

    but returning to the real world 🙂 happy easter.

    peter’s last blog post..Confusing or funny

  25. Ooooh you must make your big announcement when you are all hopped up on wisdom tooth drugs. Do it. You know you want to.

    I’d have bought your teeth on ebay. Bastards

    Sandra’s last blog post..BFFs

  26. I wanna know nooooooooowwww. Waaaaaaaaaaah. *whine* I have no patience for announcements.

    Have fun with your happy pills!

    ali’s last blog post..Meh.

  27. On the way home from my first knee surgery, I hallucinated we were driving through a desert canyon-and it was winter in Balitmore. I much prefer the liquid stuff they gave me the second time-I laughed my fool head off until I passed out! That was FUUUUN!!

    Claudia’s last blog post..have you wondered…

  28. So, Victor missed the leprechaun and hit the neighbor?

    You must never delete this post – or if you do, print it out and nail it to the wall in your office because some days you’re gonna NEED this. Like I did when I read it. Now I won’t kill my neighbor – who totally pissed me off while I was out of town.

    Sayre’s last blog post..The Results are In

  29. Well if this is going to be deleted, I’m glad I saw it! Actuality is a word in my book, use it all the time. Glad the surgery went well. KICK ASS! 😉

  30. I’m really looking forward to your announcement because everything you write BLOWS.
    MY. MIND.
    😀

  31. High Jenny is the best! I’m totally LOLing. The Ferris Bueller thing is something I do sober…and the leprechaun thing come to think of it. Maybe hubby is slipping something in my drink.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..rant

  32. Oh, this is just mean. You have made me laugh hysterically and I’m only four days out from emergency abdominal surgery to remove a freakin’ HUMONGOUS cyst filled with I-kid-you-not TWO LITERS of fluid (that I didn’t even know was there!), and I’ve got three incisions, and today was my first day without pain meds. And I am laughing and cursing at the same time. It’s quite a combo.

    This is why I love you, because I just can’t hate you for it.

    markira’s last blog post..St. Patty’s Day surprise

  33. Also, I’m pretty sure I propositioned the extremely cute anesthesiologist…the extremely cute MARRIED WITH FOUR CHILDREN anesthesiologist. ‘Cause I started talking about him before they gave me the good drugs, while I was just on the patient-controlled morphine drip.

    And then in recovery he came to see how I was doing and said, “You said some really embarrassing things in there,” and I was all horrified and he said, “just kidding” but I bet he’s not.

    markira’s last blog post..St. Patty’s Day surprise

  34. I am always totally out of the loop! When I got my wisdom teeth out I had to do it one at a time and with tylenol. Noone ever tells me when it’s time to get the good drugs and I can’t figure out why.

    clickmom’s last blog post..send asphalt

  35. high. i just came over to tell you high! and, somehow, i got a “contact high” from your post. did you know you had these special powers?

  36. I was thinking of you as I brushed my teeth earlier. I get here and see this and thing…. Yeah, you’re ok. They took the teeth but not the wisdom. 😉

    The only leprecauns I like are on cereal boxes.

    Take care! 🙂

    simplypink’s last blog post..suddenly I see

  37. I was thinking maybe your announcement would be that you’re pregnant, but then you probably wouldn’t take 6 pills if that was true. 5 tops, but not 6.

    Jeff’s last blog post..The Name Game

  38. May I bop Victor upside the head? I don’t think it’s very smart to tell your wife (sober or not) that there is someone sneaking around outside your house. Talk about freaking someone the f* out. And also, please send me your drugs. 😀

    Aimee’s last blog post..Happy Easter!

  39. Oh Bloggess. You poor petite flower. Had same procedure myself back in the day. Watch out for Ike Turner-ish bruises on your jawline. Got your shout out on my blog in response to my shout out to you. Blog Wuv, KKF

  40. So… yeah, I added the “with no blog” part because apparantly there are other people commenting named “Lisa” and I didn’t want to confuzzle you anymore, you druggie.

    Don’t delete the post, you are fucking hilarious!!

    Oh, and don’t worry about the leprechauns, I took care of ’em for ya, it is the fucking ninjas you need to watch out for. HEY! Maybe the ninjas STOLE your teeth? No?

  41. I remember when I got my wisdom teeth taken out I was laughing about the sound of bones grinding in my head as they removed the teeth. I guess I really am one seriously messed up chica since THAT was what I thought was hilarious.

    *sigh*

    If you shoot the leprechaun, I want to see a photo.

    Law School Hot Mama’s last blog post..Egg on My Face: The Post-Easter Hangover

  42. Is your announcement that you have no wisdom teeth up top?

    Funny post. The leprechauns remind me of a dream I had last night but I’m not going to tell anyone b/c I hate when people tell me their dreams unless I’m in their dreams.

    And plus, my dream was way scarier, and not very funny.

    singleworkingmommy’s last blog post..Easter Sunday

  43. DO. NOT. DELETE. THIS. POST.

    *still laughing*

    Seriously, you should take six pain pills once a month and write a post because that is the best thing I’ve ever read on the Internets.

    Glad to see you made it out of your surgery alive and don’t have to worry about the porn under the bed.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..LOST S4ep8

  44. When I got my teeth yanked, the last thing the dentist said to me before I went to sleep was, “When you wake up you’ll be in a different room. But don’t worry; we don’t carry you, you walk.” So I started cracking up thinking about how friggin stupid I was going to look stumbling down the hallway to this “other room.” Then, lights out.

    When I came to I heard my Mom saying, “…I don’t know honey, I didn’t see you.” And then I felt myself say, “Boy, I must’ve looked pretty funny walking down that hall.” And she said, “I don’t know honey, I didn’t see you.”

    Apparently, this had been going on for 10 minutes. Also apparently, I’m one hell of a conversationalist whilst waking up from surgery. Hoot!

    Sensitiva McFeelingsly’s last blog post..The Fine Art of Looking Like an Ass

  45. When I had my wisdom teeth surgery with the delicious combination of valium and laughing gas, I called my surgeon a ‘dumbass’.

    This entire post kind of sums up my sophomore year of college.

    Heather B.’s last blog post..Pink and Green

  46. Please, please, please, never delete that post. The “nine times” was making me laugh out loud, which is pretty rare now that I can’t have alcohol for another 33 weeks.

    Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..The Ex-Files

  47. I seriously hope you never delete that post, because I may have to come back and read it for a laugh on a shitty day.

    Ummm, I think I came here to say thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting, but that post seriously derailed my train of thought. And I’m worried my co-workers may start asking what I’m laughing at!

    Melody’s last blog post..Weekend Update

  48. When I was effed up after I got my wisdom teeth out, my husband decided it was a good time to convince me to have another baby.

    He’s six now and some days, I like to have my teeth back.

    Jaybird’s last blog post..Monday Fluff

  49. 1. – I think you should get high before you write your posts more often. Hilarious.

    2. – If and when I move in next door to you. Remind me never to leave a package on your doorstep at night.

    Lotta’s last blog post..Happy Happy Mail Time!

  50. OOHHHH! Seeing others reminiscing about having their teeth out, and being out of it, reminded me of something. I didn’t even remember walking from the car into the house. My mom said they took me out of the dentist office in a wheel chair, but I didn’t remember a thing. So my sister convinced me that they probably had their way with me in the dentist office while I was out. As a sixteen year old I was mortified by the thought! The same thought that went through my mind again when I had surgery 3 months ago. My sister messed with my head!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Apagen las Luces! The Party’s Over!

  51. This…

    “…Turns out I didn’t have wisdom teeth on top. Just on bottom. When they told me that I yelled “KICK-ASS!”…”

    and this…

    “…I’d pressed memory and 1 accidentally and left a really weird muttery message on my work voicemail about leprechauns..”

    Might just be the two funniest things I’ve ever read (this week).

    Also, having your wisdom teeth CUT OUT OF YOUR HEAD is THE WORST.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..What I Like About Texas

  52. Hi! Sorry to hear about the wisdom teeth, especially the part about how they threw them away without even asking you if you wanted them! Reminds me of the lady who sued the hospital for not allowing her to take home her placenta. (BTW, she won. I think you have a case here.)

    Anyhoo, I had mine out several years back and it is NO joke. It hurts! When my friend had hers out, she got addicted to the painkillers. Seriously.

    Hope you have a speedy recovery 🙂

    Mommy off the Record’s last blog post..Hellooooo

  53. Good Lord, girl. I am the 102nd commenter? Damn, you’re hot stuff.

    So…now I know why you wrote, “Yay for anesthesia!”

    And yup. Yay for anesthesia.

    Did you know that I was born without wisdom teeth? That makes me either stupid OR more evolved than the rest of you. Heh.

    slouching mom’s last blog post..Negative

  54. You’re friggin’ hysterical when you blog doped. Because, normally, I don’t think you’d bother writing c*nt.

    Also, I think Victor rocks for having a riot gun. Did you guys get to eat a UPS guy? They’re good eatin’. A little stringy in the thighs, but otherwise top-notch.

    One last thing … you could always sell someone ELSE’s teeth on ebay. Who’d know the difference? I suppose when someone tried to clone you a thousand years from now they’d be surprised to discover you were a middle-aged Asian man.

  55. 1) GLAD you didn’t delete the post ’cause I’ve been busy and I’d have missed one heckuva good time.

    2) VICTOR HAD SEX WITH YOU NINE TIMES WHILE YOU WERE DRUGGED OUT, HOLDING A RIOT GUN TO YOUR HEAD???

    3) This is definitely one of those times your readers/commentors didn’t come close to keeping up with your original post…not by a mile.

    4) But isn’t it more than a little bit insulting that they kept saying “Drugged out Bloggess is waaaaaay more bitchin’ than Sober Jenny”??? I’d kick all their a$$e$.

    5) It’s obvious you were on drugs…forget flying leprechauns and cun*t and British word-dropping, you had typos.

    {{hugs}} hope you’re feelin’ better :).

    Robin’s last blog post..Schoolhouse Rock Meets Fun Monday (or Life’s Little Instructions for Parents)

  56. You really are hilarious. And I am not so that is all I will say. It really made me laugh.

  57. What I wouldn’t give to be high with you.

    On completely legal, dentist prescribed medicine, of course.

    Because it’s a well known fact I don’t inhale.

    Snicker.

    Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Dear Self

  58. At least you’re charming when you’re high. After I got my wisdom teeth out, I almost snapped a suburban housewife in half because she was cleaning Trader Joe’s out of Fage yogurt. Seriously. I scared her into leaving two. I bared my gums and told her it was all I could eat.

    Becki’s last blog post..What are you doing right now?

  59. PLEASE don’t delete this. Because I am still laughing my ass off, and I had to read parts out loud to my husband in between snorts.

    Kat’s last blog post..Generation Y

  60. Well your 114 comments would suggest that someone other than you finds this funny. (see your tags)
    btw:I am still sniggering over the nimble leprechaun…..

    arizaphale’s last blog post..In Celebration

  61. The fact you used the c-word just made you my new favorite blogger … that and the fact that you seem to really enjoy being high. Awesome.

    Robin’s last blog post..Austin fashion

  62. Ha! When newly transplanted from the Midwest to North Carolina, my love and I once pretended to be Marge and Herm from Fargo for the entire weekend camping in the mountains. Seriously. We pulled it off. I love screwing with strangers.

    And yes, 6 is too many. But OHHH SOOO FUN!

    k8’s last blog post..The End

  63. …they’d be surprised to discover you were a middle-aged Asian man.

    That’s our Jenny:

    Secret – Asian Man!
    Secret – Asian Man!
    With a head that’s not too sober,
    And a half-dozen pills in her hand.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..It is All About the House

  64. Too funny…I used to love laughing gas but the last couple of times I found it too intense. After reading this I might have to try it again at my next visit…

    I can’t believe you’re one of the Mama Drama bloggers, that’s so funny cause I read it from time to time.

    Kat’s last blog post..But What if I Suck???

  65. Hi. High. I’m new here. And I loved this…is it wrong that I could so totally relate? Actuality…that’s one that I’ve questioned too. Must be a word if others think it too.

    Deb’s last blog post..ME, NOT ME

  66. Dude, I only have one! But it’s leveled out by the fact that they had to pull three others (a top molar on each side, plus one lower in the very front (yeah, had to go to prom with a gap infront, sexay!)) to even fit the rest of my teeth in a somewhat aligned fashion.

    They never gave me the good stuff back then, but have a gallbladder stone! Man, I was blasted! AND I had a 1 month old infant to take care of. Oh man, the times!

    Is it wrong that this post makes me kinda nostalgic?

    Gry’s last blog post..Next time I’ll bring my camera

  67. This post (again, I’m crying from laughing) reminds me that I need to write about the side effects of the “quit smoking” shot that I got a few years ago. I also like to call this the “I could have flushed the money down the toilet but then six foot tall black spiders wouldn’t have chased me” shot which is what the post will be about.

    It is priceless.

    Jarrard’s last blog post..Seriously???

  68. My wisdom teeth were grown into my jawbones,so I had to have surgery, I was totally knocked out to have them removed, but I remember coming to and saying “Now, do I get the good stuff?”
    I did, and I stayed with it far longer than the pain stayed with me.
    funny post! you made me laugh out loud at work!

    Fortune Cookies’s last blog post..Yapping, Bitching, and …Hot Meat?

  69. Oh god… I’m at work trying not to laugh, and I’m laughing so hard anyway, and tears are streaming down my face. YOU ARE SO GODDAMN FUNNY WOMAN! I love your crazy, funny, weird, yet talented mind. (I think that makes ME the crazy one.)

    I worked as a dental surgery assistant for a year, so I’ve seen that procedure many many times. People get SO f’ing goofy! Oh, and did you know that sometimes, you don’t have all 4 wisdom teeth? Sometimes you only have two. Or even just one. Just a little side factoid for you… 😉

  70. HILARIOUS! Step Away From The Delete Button….C*unt is my favourite swear word but said in an Irish accent. Did the leprechauns leave the present? was it a crock of gold…or more pills? Have just stumbled on your blog and looks like I’ve a lot of catching up to do..Hilarious.

  71. When I had my wisdom teeth out I dreamt in Spanish. And you know when you get out of your drug induced coma they make you pee before they let you leave? So I was peeing and there was a nurse in there with me who was trying to be all helpful and saying calming things, like “It’s alright dear” and “You’ll be fine” and I wondered what the fuck she was talking about as I realized I had fallen ass over ankles and was vag up on the bathroom floor, laughing hysterically because it was the funniest damned thing to ever happen to me.

  72. PS: I am the crazy person reading every post you’ve ever written. I’m sorry about your cat, which was two years ago to you but I just found out about it and feel crushed.

  73. We had our wisdom teeth out at around the same time, it appears– except mine was a few months later and involved the Beijing Opening Ceremonies. Add everything you just mentioned to a trillion Chinese people, athletes, and strange music and you have my experience. Brilliant!

  74. I’m working my way backward through your posts (weird I know, but it’s easier to scroll that way). ANYWAY, my cousins and I are no longer allowed to sit near each other during funerals because we are notorious for making each other laugh. At our great-aunt’s funeral I got to laughing so hard (silently, mind you, I do have SOME class) I had to leave the room and “check on the children” so that I could get myself under control. The old ladies were NOT fooled and glared at us the entire service. We were duly chastened. Until the next funeral.

  75. Really? They didn’t let you keep your teeth? Because when I woke up from my removal the assistant was shoving them in my face like that was definitely the first thing I wanted to see when waking up from having my mouth cut open. You want mine?

  76. 1. Riot gun? Really? I take back my ‘red neck’ comment from earlier.
    2. But only if you have one in case of the zombie rising. Then it’s totally ok.
    3. I have no wisdom teeth to remove so I either have no wisdom or am highly evolved. It’s debatable.
    4. My Dad keeps our baby teeth under the house. Classy. If there is ever a raid / fire at their house the cops are going to be all “What the fuck happened down here? What did you do to the children?”

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