So when I was drugged up I hinted about the fact that I had a really big announcement to make and I’m still high because I have dry sockets so this post might not make any sense at all. Anyway, here’s my big announcement:
Today I quit Mama Drama.
This is when most of you go, “What the hell’s a Mama Drama?” and I scream “You don’t know anything about me!” and then we get this weird vibe where you are like my emotionally distant stepfather who just doesn’t understand me and won’t let me become a dancer because secretly he was the Pan-American Champion Dancer in 1967 and accidentally killed my mother by doing a violent (but breath-taking) tango-back-bend and vowed to never dance again but then I run off with Reynaldo and we enter the national tango competition and win enough money to pay the taxes on the farm and you think it’s all over but then Reynaldo gives my stepfather this long look of recognition and then you realize that they’ve been having an affair this whole time! What a dick! And then Reynaldo is all “But we’ll always have the dance, my little cabbage” and I kick him in the scrote and go straight to a 1980’s musical montage of me trying on new clothes with my sassy, big-haired girlfriends who are all fabulous and also secretly witches. Oh and I have a cat named Mr. BoJangles who makes a magical journey of self-discovery.
Also there are ninjas.
This is where I should put a transition sentence getting back to my original announcement but I can’t think of one so just pretend I had one right here and it was really funny and brilliant. (Hahaha! That thing I just said was so hilarious. I’m priceless!) So anyway, I’m quitting Mama Drama (which will still go on and be fabulous) and I’m moving to a new blog on the Houston Chronicle called “Good Mom/Bad Mom” where I will be joined by Mindy Sterba, who is one of my favorite bloggers with whom I have a love/hate relationship and who I often accuse of working in the sex industry.
(Photo by Buster Dean, Houston Chronicle)
You should go there right now and put it on your blogroll and write about it and also tattoo it on yourself. Then send me pictures of the tattoos. Then someone call Hollywood because “Mr. BoJangles The Transsexual Cat” is not going to just produce itself. By the way, I just decided that Mr. BoJangles is a transsexual. Deal with it, middle America.
PS. Did you know that the stuff they pack your pain-wracked mouth with if you get dry sockets tastes like old dirty hippies? Because it totally does.
Comment of the day: You are f**ing brilliant my drugged up, dry-socketed friend. That is by far one of the best ideas for anything, anywhere, EVER! Ninjas brighten up everyones day, except for the poor bastard that’s about to “get it” (not dirty). At the end when the cat finally comes to terms with itself, someone in the onlooking crowd then needs to stand and slowly start clapping, enticing the others to join in one by one until there is an upraoar of applause and the Tranny cat and his hemophiliac squirrel lover publicly consumate their eternal bond…UNTIL THE SEQUEL!!!! Is it true they had to surgically remove your jaw and wash it off hith a common garden hose and then surgically reattach it to cure dry sockets? I hope not, that would suck.
Seriously, fell better. ~Kregg