Holy shit, I can not believe they actually published this.
MamaPop really needs a fact-checker.
Comment of the day: I’m pregnant with Ryan Reynolds torque wrench. And by pregnant, I mean it’s lodged in my asshole.
Pardon my French. Bet you didn’t know asshole was French… aren’t you supposed to say “pardon my french” before you say something terrible..
oh…
the wrench is kicking… ~ furiousball
What? That’s not all accurate? wtf??
holli’s last blog post..The Little Princess.
Facts are highly overrated.
crap you said? I think it’s a hoot!
c”,) Morning Sniffles
poorman’s nicole richie’s last blog post..Wordless
So does Angelina want my white baby or not? Geez, I have a job you know, I can’t keep checking back in on this.
Amy in Ohio’s last blog post..WINNER! WINNER! WINNER!
You forgot to mention Hillary Clinton is having Obama’s love child.
andrea’s last blog post..Back on the Home Front
That’s pretty damn funny. I thought it was all true, well shoot.
rachel’s last blog post..An Apple A Day ~ WW
I’m pregnant with Ryan Reynolds torque wrench. And by pregnant, I mean it’s lodged in my asshole.
Pardon my French. Bet you didn’t know asshole was French… aren’t you supposed to say “pardon my french” before you say something terrible..
oh…
the wrench is kicking…
True, not true… These days does it really matter?
Gretchen’s last blog post..Same dress, take two
That’s better than reading the Enquirer!
shuttle mom’s last blog post..Fun in the Sun cont’d
That post was so funny that being sued by Angelina Jolie would totally be worth it.
Paloma’s last blog post..Stop Being Sucky
Forget Angelina – Kirstin will sue you for your little glass animals!!! Angie just wants Hailey.
Sayre’s last blog post..Graduation
what? no alien abductions?
janet’s last blog post..My inner geek
Damn it. I forgot the alien abductions.
I just pissed my pants.
Nikki’s last blog post..I guess I made that guy’s day
Thanks a lot.
I just got pregnant reading that post.
How am I supposed to explain THAT to my Hubby? I mean I had a tubal 3 years ago!
Faith/mommastantrum’s last blog post..I’m All Mediocre
Angelina and I were lovers back when i was still a woman.
always, buddy’s last blog post..wednesday and one day closer to death
Your attorney on speed-dial?
flutter’s last blog post..Surprises, unexpected.
you know when you’re so exhausted and you should be in bed but you just wanted to look around maggie’s utmost fave blog? and then, fifteen minutes later…you realize you’re snorting so loudly that it may wake up your girlies DOWN THE HALL?
you would know this feeling if you were me.
i like it here.
Don’t they say all press is good press!
wright’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Weed or Flower
So what I want to know is, why so much extra slander for Kirsten Dunst? Sure, her whole public image went from zero to skank in just a few years, but did she piss on your personal parade in some special way?
manager mom’s last blog post..From The Department of “What The Hell Was I Thinking”
Manager Mom – I have no idea what you’re talking about. This all came from my hairdress, not me. My hairdresser who totally exists and is not made up at all.
PS. Kirsten Dunst is half robot, half monkey.
Allegedly.
And next you’ll be telling me that the “pregnant man” isn’t really a man.
Karmyn R’s last blog post..**sticky post CONTEST sticky post**
Awesome “observations”!!!!
CC’s last blog post..Balance bike
She’s got bigger fish to fry. And, I think now that she’s “French” she can’t sue you?
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Heya, Ponch!
I was all set to have a clever comment then Furiousball laid down the “I’m having Ryan Reynold’s torque wrench love child” card and I lost any chance I had at being witty. On the plus side, at least Kirsten Dunst is smart enough to avoid Tom Cruise. Even if she has to use vampire fangs to remember.
Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: Sesame Street
I just love you, my mosquito-filled friend.
Kyla’s last blog post..Tail chasing
Wow! Congratualtions…you’re makin’ the big time now…I mean I never heard of that site until you just linked me to it…but it looks big time. Way to go!
Kathy’s last blog post..And Then You Were Born Part III
Kathy ~ Thank you?
Screw Aruba, I want a getaway in your head. What a trip.
amanda’s last blog post..Mamarazzo
My mom knows the doctor who saw Angelina while they were in Texas, and so it’s totally true that’s she’s pregnant. Once that brick of what your hairdresser knows comes out, the whole foundation sort of crumbles. But I bet she’s really good with the shears. Or I know she is, because you hair’s got that swing.
Julie Pippert’s last blog post..Out of stride Wednesday: Hump Day Hmm for May 21, 2008
Can someone please tell me who Ryan Reynolds is and what he did to furiousball – those comments are so damn funny, I can only imagine they would be even funnier if I knew who the hell he was talking about.
Amy in Ohio’s last blog post..WINNER! WINNER! WINNER!
Furiousball, I don’t think that’s a wrench up your ass. I think it’s Scarlett Johanssen.
Greta’s last blog post..Does This Phone Make Me Look Fat?
You are truly insane. The comment on Angelina cracked me up! And I loved the vampire fangs! I’ve always thought that was kind of freaky how she played a vampire and had real vampire looking teeth.
Shoegirl’s last blog post..Five Favorite Blog Posts
Amy, Ryan Reynolds is the hot actor that was on “Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place“. He was also in “Definitely Maybe”. And he ass raped FuriousBall.
Allegedly.
And disturbingly, if you google “ryan reynolds ass rape” this not the first thing that comes up.
Greta’s last blog post..Does This Phone Make Me Look Fat?
Actually if you put it in quotes it is. Without the quotes it just floats to the bottom. Really, Ryan Reynolds should be stopped.
I’m pretty sure you’re safe so long as you put allegedly with everything. Which you didn’t do. So…that sucks for you.
But, you did say “but probably isn’t”. So there’s that.
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Who Am I Going To Piss Off? Oh Good! Everyone!
I need a new hairdresser. Mine just keeps telling me I have too many cowlicks to have nice hair. At least I thinks she’s saying “cowlicks.” She has a pretty thick accent. Maybe she’s carsick. Or thinks I look like John Cusack…
piglet’s last blog post..Scotty’s Bunny Part 2: The Bunlet
You are all ‘I wanna do a guest post on your blog Kelley’ and I am all ‘Why thankyou my Goddess, I bow to you’ and you are all ‘awesome’
And then I find you pimping yourself out to the more popular chicks and sitting at their lunch table and shit.
And I brought cookies for you. So I sit alone with my cookies…
Kelley’s last blog post..Random McRandomness. You want fries with that?
Kelley, you know I adore you. I suck at this guest blogging stuff as a million people can tell you. In fact, this whole thing was just an email to Sweetney about why I wasn’t going to write on MamaPop because they would get sued if I wrote this. But apparently they like to get sued. Sued is the new black. I’ve had too much to drink.
I almost snorted tea out of my nose when I read about Kirsten Dunst’s “reminder teeth” — which I totally believe, by the way. She has preternatural looking caps on in all the rest of her movies, so I’ll bet THAT is what they are covering up…
MommyTime’s last blog post..Want a Bite?
I knew Ryan Reynolds when he was still a woman.
always, buddy’s last blog post..wednesday and one day closer to death
I heard that your hairdresser is pregnant with Angelina Jolie’s baby.
Is this true?
Never mind the vampire teeth. Is it me or does it look like her two front teeth are missing? What’s up with that?
SUE’s last blog post..WW 10 – “My Son & His BasketBall Award!”
And everybody’s el prego, except Angelina Jolie!! I really hope your hairdresser cuts more accurately than she reports!
we_be_toys’s last blog post..Who Needs Cable?
As far as I know all that is correct.
Heather’s last blog post..The Great Teething Test
What is a cowlick anyway? And how do you say it in Polish?
Kylie’s last blog post..Death and the Incontinent Cat
It’s almost kind of like we write on the same site together. Kind of. Maybe. Or perhaps just some fantasy I’ve conjured up where we also drink a lot while you keep saying funny shit and I just sit there and nod like the dumbshit I am.
Heather B.’s last blog post..Familia
“PS. Kirsten Dunst is half robot, half monkey.
Allegedly.”
Which half is which?
Jenny, I’m pretty sure this means you can get away with murder.
Robin’s last blog post..Unimaginable sorrow
Kylie, a cowlick is a reference to the easter egg hidden in Tool’s album, Undertow
I just found you from the mamapop post. I cannot believe I have missed out on so much all this time.
Kristine’s last blog post..I think I screwed up
Welcome, Kristine! You haven’t missed much. Furiousball can fill you in on Ryan Reynolds. Everything else is pretty much inconsequential.
shouldn’t ass raped be hyphenated? ass-raped?
vaginally yours.
buddy
always, buddy’s last blog post..wednesday and one day closer to death
Oh, fact checking. That’s from the days of yore.
Sara’s last blog post..How To Be a Good Bridesmaid and Good Date at the Same Time
Since Angelina practically full-on copulated with her brother at the Oscars, I don’t think she’ll care that you outed her fake pregnancy.
Robyn’s last blog post..My Kids Are Deprived
I’m with Piglet~my hair dresser just wants to talk about my hair…what the hell?
If I remember correctly, as long as you stay away from Ryan Reynolds while he’s holding a corndog and sitting in one of those massage/vibrating chairs at the mall, you’re ok. {but should anyone REALLY have to tell you that?}
Dianna’s last blog post..*Updated* trip
That’s right, Kristine…I will rock you.
Hey, she wouldn’t be suing you if it weren’t true. And, incidentally, if she isn’t really pregnant and needs someone to have Brad Pitt’s love child, I would be happy to offer my…um…services.
The Introvert’s last blog post..What I’ve learned about Dallas so far…
And Tom Cruise is SO pregnant.
Lady M’s last blog post..Napaholics Anonymous
After reading about Ryan Reynolds and the pain he has caused furiousball, I’m not going to eat pizza ANY.MORE.
I’ve also contacted each of the three remaining presidential nominees and they have assured me his deportation will be their number one priority come January – finally a cause we can bridge the gap with.
Now, all that is left is to host a big telethon gala in furiousball’s honor – hope no one had plans for this Memorial Day, cause you’re all manning the phones. Healing is on the way man, healing is on the way.
I just laughed so hard, tears rolled down my face. Then I sneezed and got a snot globber on my chin. While reaching for a tissue,(still laughing)I wet myself a little.
Oh… maybe that’s from the Ambien and lack of sleep. You’re not that funny. 🙂
I’m going to take a shower.
Polka Dot Mommy’s last blog post..Electric Vehicles and Hydrogen Vehicles
Yes, master.
Spamboy’s last blog post..My “Thankful” Journal
Dude, I so need to go to your hairdresser.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Rain, Rain Go Away
My hairdresser says that The Bloggess is the surrogate mother for Angelina and Guy Kawasaki’s baby. And then Guy Kawasaki and The Bloggess are going to adopt me, Sunshine, so that I have the coolest parents around, even way super cooler than Brad Pitt and Angie.
Sunshine’s last blog post..My Dear John Letter…
I have excellent telephone manners. Count me in on the furiousball Memorial Day telethon.
“The phones are lighting up ladies and gentlemen. In a few minutes we will hear from Donny Osmond about his encounter with Ryan Reynolds. It’s a touching story. Remember, if the phones are busy keep trying. Our operators are eager to talk to you.”
Love it. But, what, nothing about Ryan Seacrest??!!
Also, I’m tagging you for a Stolen Meme. Love to see your responses.
Who needs the Enquirer/Star when we have The Bloggess?!
The Pear Lady’s last blog post..Grammar Song
Haha that is hilarious! 😀
Katie’s last blog post..The Perils of Shopping for Perfume
i am like, crying, every time i read your blog. and not from laughter. just kidding 🙂
you are hilarious and this is my favorite blog!!
“She’s” cutting something, but it isn’t hair.
(The ‘two’ of you should start your own gossip rag.)
Pamela’s last blog post..Are there more out there?
Do you know where your copy of Catcher in the Rye is? I think you should.
(PS: I have heard tales of your hilarity, and alas, I can attest that THOSE are very true. Nicely done, dude.)
Mr Lady’s last blog post..The Object Pictured in the Shoddy Camera Phone Picture is a One Pound Slab of Butter
you won the 300 post at doobleh-vay! email me! amytsharp (at) gmail (dot) com xoxoxo
amy’s last blog post..Home is where I want to be/Pick me up and turn me round
It’s all true. Which is even more scary.
Felicity’s last blog post..A child’s name…
I heard that Jenny’s hairdresser impregnated her with mosquitoes.
One of my best friends in high school was CONVINCED that the truck that drives around with mosquito spray was not protecting us against mosquitoes, but actually spreading cricket eggs, and was deathly afraid of being outside any time there was a chance the mosquito spray stuff was in the air because, well, then you’d have cricket spawn on your skin.
Jessica’s last blog post..Being Jessica Merritt
BAHAHAHA! Cancel my subscription to US Weekly. YOU got the dirt, sista.
LOVE IT!
mommypie’s last blog post..My rich fantasy life. It’s all about the cheese.
I hear there’s an opening at the Weekly World News.
Damselfly’s last blog post..Fertile ground
Damselfly: Don’t mention the Weekly World News. Ever since it ceased print publication, my life has not been worth living. Of course, some would say it wasn’t worth living before. But they just don’t understand my relationship with the Incredible Bat Boy.
i love the dixie chicks (just in case they read the bloggess, which they absolutely should.)
cheers
always, buddy
always, buddy’s last blog post..sleep, at last, and dreams
and all this time I thought you got pregnant by EATING pig placentas! you mean I’m just fat and not pregnant???!!!
Kimberlee’s last blog post..recently renounced my devout atheism.
I thought that Robert Downey, Jr. was looking a little…. mesomorphic in Ironman. He’s pregnant, methinks. But of course that leaves the most important question – who is the father?
Andrea Lin’s last blog post..Food Blogging is Mainstream
That is hilarious. The “never more than 70% awake” sounds dead-on.
diesel’s last blog post..Congrats to Stushie!
Better than the National Enquirer! OMG! You guys are hilarious!! Adding you to the blogroll!!
bichonpawz’s last blog post..Terrific Relaxing Day
i think i’ve been stalking you. i’m pretty sure i’ve been reading you for a while. did you post about garden gnomes and dentist appointments? if you did, we are TOTALLY dentist twins. i’m having a titanium screw drilled into my mouth in a few weeks. there was a thing with some sugar, blah blah blah, four days off of work in a vicodin stupor (in which i swear people were crawling on my roof)….. and i read you after that. and your husband’s all “whatever drunky”.
that “whatever drunky” part stuck with me.
if you’re not my dds twin… this is quite awkward. like spelling the word awkward. quite awkward indeed.
like discovering knee bones when puberty hit.
Yolanda’s last blog post..i had a witty title, but the cactus ate my brians
crap. my comment didn’t post. but i saved it. like a true stalker. and i’ll EMAIL it to you. or i’ll check back tomorrow every few hours. and if it doesn’t post, then i’ll totally call you.
me sleep now.
Yolanda’s last blog post..i had a witty title, but the cactus ate my brians
just wondering if you ever went back to get the down low on what the hell happened to Sarah’s anteater. I’m sweating to find out over here. 🙂
Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..Outed in A Local Paper
Jenny, if you get sued, it won’t be by Angelina Jolie; she’s actually got a sense of humor. If I were you, though, I’d be awfully worried about receiving a summons from one (if not 5 or more) tabloids. Ever hear of industrial espionage?
You need to send the anteaters to Pearland to get rid of the crazy ants.
By the way, you’ve taught me that blogs are supposed to be funny. Not boring and depressing as mine has started. I will work on that.
Man, liquor and guns and I thought that was just up here in the northwoods.
I have to remember to pee before I stop by. My bladder control problem can’t handle your blog.
slackermommy’s last blog post..Tics, recycled glass, WiiFit, and a $120 cake
WTF, Jenny. That was some funny shite.
Kat’s last blog post..65% Increase in MPG