This post made perfect sense at the time. Now I'm not so sure.

So I was standing in line at Chipotle to order a burrito when I started thinking that I’m full of mosquitoes.  Like, some people are attracted to me because I’m weird and oddly fascinating but really the thing that people think is so unique is just this craziness that’s like a bunch of mosquitoes buzzing around inside of me.  I bet if I suddenly got sliced in half and all the mosquitoes flew out all the people who thought I was so awesome would probably run away repulsed.  I was trying to remember this analogy so I could come back and write it down and I was saying to myself “Full of mosquitoes, full of mosquitoes” in my head and then the server was like “What’ll it be?” and I said “Full of mosquitoes.”  Then she looked at me all weird and so I just said louder “Ve-giee Bureeeeto” like I hadn’t said “full of mosquitoes” at all and that she’d just misunderstood me because she doesn’t speak English very well.  Then I did the same thing when I went to get my drink and a guy jostled me and said “Excuse me” and I’m all “Full of uh duswmumble s’okay.” 

I bet this sort of thing would never happen if I wasn’t full of mosquitoes.

PS.  Remember when this blog was about real stuff that made sense?  Me too.  That was awesome.

PPS.  I’m crazy but I don’t actually think I’m full of mosquitoes.  It’s an analogy.  A very, very bad analogy.

Comment of the day: I predict Chipotle will come to be pronounced Chipolte in time, it’s inevitable.  and linguists will cite Nick Nolte as the reason. ~Always, Buddy

116 thoughts on “This post made perfect sense at the time. Now I'm not so sure.

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  1. Hi Jenny. Thanks for stopping by my blog today. I’m not sure what I’m full of. I don’t think it is mosquitos, though. One thing about being full of mostquitos – you have to be careful not to hang out with people who are full of DEET. I’m fairly sure that tragedy would ensue. 😀

    Tink *~*~*
    My Mobile Adventures *~*~*

  2. I received a coupon card today from Chipotle good for a free burrito or 3 tacos. Their lawyers have squeezed a great deal of tiny text on the back of one little card–I’ll have to check and see if people full of mosquitoes are excluded from use.

    ari_1965’s last blog post..Fun Monday

  3. First stop at your blog–think I could learn a lot from regular visits, but could I sleep that night after reading a few of your posts???

    Good plan to quit trying to make sense with your writing–I tend to be too earnest. You know about anteater forums–I don’t. . .pity.

    Faye’s last blog post..A Gift of Letters

  4. Your analogy turned my head inside out, and guess what – I’m not full of mosquitoes! I’m full of raspberry jam, which is much less interesting but quite tasty.

    No, I don’t know where I was going with that. Is it half-ass analogy day?

  5. Just be glad you aren’t full of those crazy ants. Or crazy aunts. Or else the aunteaters would be chasing you. Until you cried UNCLE!

    Or something like that.

    BTW, did you read the story in Sciguy about how women’s brains quit working when they have an orgasm? No-shit for real:

    http://blogs.chron.com/sciguy/archives/2008/05/what_does_a_bra_1.html

    I’m sure there is a joke in there somewhere about screwing your brains out. Certain of it, in fact.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Rays of sunshine

  6. There was a perion in my life when I was about 12 years old where I kept a running narration in my head of everything I did. It was like I was living in my own cheesy teen novel. If my mom asked me to wash the I would think “With a sigh I got up off the couch and ambled to the the kitchen sink. I pushed up the sleeves of my powder blue cardigan and dipped my hands into the greasy water.”

    I had to stop doing it though because I started accidently saying stuff out loud ALL THE TIME. People started looking at me funny when every time I talked to them I would say stuff like “With a sigh I responded…”

    The point is you have to be careful when you’re talking to yourself.

    Jen @problem girl’s last blog post..The best thing on I’ve ever seen on a kid’s show

  7. I go to Chipotle so much I have a guy who hooks me up sometimes. I bet he’d hook me up more if I showed him my tatas. But sadly, if I were to unbutton my shirt, I think just boobs would come out – no mosquitos.

    Tranny Head’s last blog post..More Fun with Analytics

  8. I always wondered why I cried over the mosquito in the tobasco commercial that instantly combusts.

    Just kidding. I hate mosquitos. I live in Florida … cut me some slack.

    But I don’t hate you, no matter what you are full of.

    Randy’s last blog post..Transcript of CBS Debate Regarding APA

  9. Once I was so surprised when a cute guy came into the bookstore where I worked that when he thanked me for helping him, I replied (with the social suaveness of some one suave) “Your Problem”…

    We were both flustered after that.

    Deidre’s last blog post..Unaccostumed to City Living

  10. Your mosquitoes are making me giggle (thankfully, not itch. YET.) — but Jen’s narrate-the-novel-of-her-own-life story cracks me the hell up. Which is to say, I love that your posts are not only awesome in themselves but inspire awesome comments (of which I am well aware this is not one; but I’m used to being sub-par at 11:15pm).

    MommyTime’s last blog post..Letter to My Daughter from MultiplesMommy

  11. So, your neighborhood’s full of ants, and you’re (figuratively, anyway) full of mosquitos…

    I’m noticing a trend…

    Knew a guy who was in a (local Long Island) band called The Mosquitos… In fact, he wrote the title track for The Monkees comeback “That Was Then, This is Now” album… Bet you (or at least your theoretical mosquitos) are thrilled… 8>)

    Glad you didn’t end up with the burrito you sorta ordered… I’m willing to be it’s even less tasty than it sounds (& it wasn’t all that tasty sounding to start with…) ((unless you’re an aardvark, maybe…))

    repsac3’s last blog post..Mother’s Day: 5 Things Worth Knowing

  12. I am full of Diet Pepsi and enchiladas. OMG, so many enchiladas. But I like to say it over and over again. Like this: En-chee-lah-dah!

    I promise, tomorrow though, lean chicken breasts all the way. So when you cut me open, you will only find breasts.

    Er…wait…

    Greta’s last blog post..Virgin Garden(er) Dirty Workout

  13. So are we talking in real life or in the blogworld? Cause you totally know that we are all figments of your imagination sent by the Great Anteater to screw with your mind.

    But man, you are so funny when you respond to yourself. Especially when you are all ‘Jenny I love you! Come and visit my blog’ which just brings you back here to comment on yourself and go ‘Jenny I love you…’

    Kelley’s last blog post..Testing my wifeliness. Yes, it is so a word.

  14. I repeat future blog posts in my head too. Sometimes my husband talks to me and my eyes are just glazed over because I’m repeating the post in my head over and over. I’m glad I’m not alone in this.

    And can I say the image of mosquitoes flying out of a human body sends shivers up my spine. Ew.

    Kathy’s last blog post..Tagged

  15. I hadn’t noticed that you were odd OR fascinating.

    Really, I stopped reading the entire post after you mentioned Chipotle because I’m trying to figure out how long it would take me to get to one.

    jennie’s last blog post..I want to ride my bicycle

  16. I totally have nothing funny to say. I have lost my blogging mojo entirely (and I didn’t have much to begin with).

    I do, however, want whatever drugs you are on. I bet people in real life love you just as much as here in your comments. And if we ever met, I’d just be all awkward and silent and inarticulate, kind of like I am on my blog:).

    Kylie’s last blog post..I am heartless

  17. Can you please get your randomly escaping mosquitoes to stop biting me?

    but to can the flippancy for a while, the thing i love most about blogoslavia is that it’s not just me that’s functioning over the rattle and hum of my inner workings and rantings. it’s everyone.

  18. I don’t repeat things I want to remember, and hence, I don’t remember them. And I just used the word hence… score! 😉

    Z’s last blog post..Daily Mooji

  19. The Australians might say I am full of spunk, but in Britain that would be rude and innacurate. Although in Britain 50 years ago I might have been full of beans. these days that just causes gas.

    Clint’s last blog post..Boy for hire…

  20. I have no witty retort to your…post. But it’s clear that you have moved to #1 on my Must Drink With in America list (not just the Texas list).

    mary’s last blog post..A human whirlwind

  21. Being full of mosquitoes must be why you’re so creative and awesome. I feel all boring because I’m just full of, you know, guts and stuff.

  22. I once had a dream that I had a butterfly nest growing in the center of my chest. I got to go on The Tonight Show because of it. That would be cooler than being full of mosquitos.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. Maybe if I was full of mosquitos I would have thought of that being a clever trick question.

    Brody’s last blog post..Positive Post Tuesday

  23. My 3.5 year old says if we cut her open we’ll find she is full of chickens. I can’t decide if this means she fears we’ll cut her open and she thinks poultry is a great deterrent, or if she mixed up the whole ‘full of shit’ saying…

    amanda’s last blog post..What Not to Do

  24. If you are full of mosquitos, it’s no wonder we got along so well! I’m like a Las Vegas Buffett to mosquitos. They see me and say, “YAHOO, we’ve hit the motherload!”

  25. My husband makes a sport out of saying unexpected things to people, especially people who touch our food … I think this is a bad idea. He thinks it hilarious. I think I’d like to not eat someone’s spit.

    Robin’s last blog post..Still biking it

  26. Mosquitos, huh? I would have thought Guy Kawasaki was in there behind a control panel making you say how awesome he is and if someone cuts you open, he’s all “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”

    The Introvert’s last blog post..neurotic, party of one

  27. Better than full of sh!t!

    (Okay…so I know similar things have been said, but if I was blogging under “normal” conditions, your blog wouldn’t be blocked from my view because it’s tagged as “porn” and I could’ve read this early on and said it first. Instead…it’s a tired, old line.)

    Guess those thoughts were just itchin’ to get out of your head, huh?

    (crap…gonna stop now ’cause it just keeps getting lamer…sorry…)

    🙂

    Robin’s last blog post..Feets of Magic

  28. Every day, Jenny. Every. Single. Day. You make me laugh. And I love you so much for it! And I even love the mosquitoes, too. So please tell me when you are having another MDCQ party… because it’s been more than 3 months…

  29. My brain can not wrap around this post. I’m not sure whether it’s because I have a brain that can’t wrap (or rap for that matter), or because I can’t decide if internal mosquitos are awesome or the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard or because listening to the Juno soundtrack has totally warped my brainwaves or if I’m scared of anteaters.

    I think I need more (or new) meds…

    Simply Jenn’s last blog post..Oh my gosh, I’m nearly in tears right now

  30. I’m glad it is just an analogy because a) that would be itchy wouldn’t it? I mean even if they didn’t bite you, it would still be itchy with them swarming around inside and
    2) west nile virus. That’s some serious shit. Ain’t no amount of deet gonna save your ass if they are INSIDE of you. You’d be a goner.

    (And I don’t want you to be a goner)

  31. Chipotle mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Yummy.
    I totally missed the rest of your post because I was drooling over the fact that you have a Chipotle accessible to you. Damn.
    Full of Mosquitoes 🙂 LOL. Great analogy in my opinion, good times… good times.

    rachel’s last blog post..The day the vagina nearly wrecked the car

  32. I’m heading to lunch soon, and now I MUST have a burrito. Then I have to sit through a presentation by a potential employee of my university. Should be a rootin’, tootin’ good time.

  33. This post just reminded me that I need to use my coupons for free guacamole and chips from Chipotle that my mother-in-law gave me. AND I think being full of mosquitoes is a lot better than being full of worms like in those creepy movies when the person gets cut open and then everyone really runs. That is so sick that I could say that right after talking about eating guacamole.

  34. Whatever, those Chipotle bitches deserved it. Or something.

    Seriously, I feel you huge on this. And I’d love you, face full of mosquitoes and all. I know it.

    and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..healing.

  35. Okay that has got to be the funniest thing you have ever written…. Okay top 5 for sure.

    I have actually written something like this. I said once that my issues/tasks/daily things were like trying to catch fireflies in a jar. I get some in the jar but when I go to catch more, some of the other things fly out. Okay maybe not the same thing…. but it was all I had.

    Erica/TxGambit’s last blog post..Good Mom Feeling

  36. When my brother and I were kids, my mom told us that if we didn’t wear shoes outside we’d get “footworms” that would crawl up inside us and make us sick. I convinced him once that he was so full of worms that he puked. It was great.

    He moved far away when he grew up.

    Adriane’s last blog post..Klassy Wedding

  37. OH my God Woman, you crack me up. I can’t believe I had to scroll through 90 comments to get here, wild. How in the hell do you do it? Do you really read all of these comments? You take a laptop into the john, I know you must. I would if I were you.

    Anyhow, this post cracked me up and after subscribing only a few days ago and trying to get caught up I finally decided to post a comment.

    Reading you reminds me to do kegels and thank God for pantyliners. I had to go and look up kegel in the dictionary just now. Thanks.

    I forgot what I was gonna say.
    Oh yeah.

    This post reminded me of the movie The Green Mile where Michael Clarke Duncan (had to friggin look that up too, thanks) plays that big black beefcake of a man who sucks all of the bugs and bad stuff outta Tom Hanks and heals that lady.

    It was disturbing but in an amusing way. And I learned something in the process of writing this comment.

    You rock. Thanks for existing.

    TheMacMommy’s last blog post..Wii I Don’t Work Out

  38. I totally read (and love) every single comment. The comments are always way more entertaining than the posts. Sometimes I just want to throw out a word and be all “Thongs! Talk amongst yourself” and just print out whatever brilliance comes from it.

    Also I should mention that I have chronic paranoia so I have to read all the comments because I’m convinced that at any moment people will figure out I’m actually not that great and will suddenly turn on me like viscious zombies who want to eat my liver. Not kidding.

  39. paranoia will destroy ya– the kinks

    (when i can’t think of anything i fall back on quoting rock lyrics. I fall back all the time)

    she came in through the bathroom window–the beatles.

  40. God bless – that mosquitos bursting out of your body analogy just freaked me out… I know I’m going to have a nightmare (in which you appear holding a hairdryer permanently to the side of your head – I’ll never be able to wipe that out of my connected association) about this. Chipotle will not be correctly pronounced – unless my husband and I continue arguing about it and finally one of us kills the other on the topic and we just happen to be the last people (or he is the last person.. I say it right) misprouncing chipotle. I said “chipotle” twice in one sentence. That’s what I get for waking up before noon.

    burp

    holli’s last blog post..The Little Princess.

  41. Do you ever just sit and wonder WHY?! Why do people like me???? I do. All the time. And then I told my friend about the wondering and she said “Because you’re fuckin’ funny.” So that night I went home and told my husband that “Ohmigawd! Meredith said I’m fuckin’ funny!” like I’d just won the peace prize or something and he stared at me. Blankly. And the wondering started again.

    What does this comment have to do with this post, you ask? I’m weird too. Possibly filled with gnats, or ants, or june bugs… I’m going to go with june bugs. They’re weird in a ‘good-gawd-get-that-away-from-me-and-yet-it’s-pulling-me-in-I-can’t-resist-it’ kinda way.

    Diana’s last blog post..Ca-Ching!

  42. the drive-thru guy at our Burger King is a Tranny, and not a good one. When he gives me change I tilt my hand so his gross Lee Press-On nails won’t touch me. Anyway, when I order from one of those Speaker Boxes, I like to say, “caseoftequila” instead of “quesadilla.” Cause if they screwed up my order? Tequila’s not a bad option.

    that girl’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  43. Why are there june bugs and not July bugs or August bugs? What makes June so special?

  44. I resent that your comments are too long for me to read. that’s not all I resent, either. I resent that you have all those awesome mosquitoes living inside you. just think what you could do with that many flying insects dwelling inside your torso – like, you could probably be a changeling, and also, understand other insects’ speech, and you would finally understand what is so damn appealing to flies about poo.

    lucky betch.

    lildb’s last blog post..wow.

  45. Oh God June Bugs! I’m going to have to stop reading you if you insist on talking about bugs inside of you.

    When I was in junior high a June Bug got inside my bathing suit and I didn’t realize it till I was lying around drip drying and felt something MOVING around my hip area.

    Lotta’s last blog post..I’ve Been Stimulated By Bush

  46. June bugs are liars, you know. I just saw one at my mom’s house last week. In case you haven’t noticed, let me remind you that it’s MAY. But I guess June bug sounds a bit sweeter than “Here Comes the Death Heat bug.”

    Jessica’s last blog post..Being Jessica Merritt

  47. Maybe it isn’t mosquitoes…. It could be that you just have 2 half-dead flies buzzing around in your head… and maybe, one of them just died… LOL just kidding, this blog is really funny! I’m adding it to my list to read!

    Becky’s last blog post..The new Stephanie Meyer book

  48. haha … great imagery here. I wonder if the mosquitoes are the ones that make that white noise / buzzing sound that we hear when all the power goes off?

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