I’ve been on a Texas road trip for the last half week. Real post coming. Until then, a view from my car window:
And while I’m at it, I took some pictures at an abandoned cemetery in Flatonia (shut up) and when I developed them I found no ghosts but I did find this:
I’m not one to jump to conclusions but I’m wondering if 100% certain this is the spirit of a shrunken circus bear, or possibly a tiny Sasquatch. Someone call Destination Truth. Original photo is here.
Comment of the day: Mini Sasquatches grow up. That’s why we need the guns. ~Robyn
127 thoughts on “And I'm proud to be an American but maybe not so much a Texan. Or an American. Never mind.”
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it’s a rabid hamster.
always buddy’s last blog post..trannie tuesday
“Half week”? That is totally a new one for me. I know I say ‘fortnight’ and freak out the Americans with my weirdo Aussie speak, but half week is like, weirder.
Must be all those guns you guys are forced to carry around to protect you from the midget circus bears…
Kelley’s last blog post..Hyped up on caffeine and shaking my arse. In yoga pants.
“Hold me closer tiny sasquatch”
His feet may not be big, but he’s got a heart as big as Texas.
Does it make me weird that my biggest problem with the first picture is the misspelling of “through”?
Chris in Happy Valley’s last blog post..Science Tuesday: Breath-taking insanity
OMG, Chris, I thought exactly the same thing! Of course, I live in Tennessee, so it takes a bit to shock me…
Jane’s last blog post..Bad Week
Okay, seriously people, “thru” and “half week” might be a bit unusual but THERE IS A TINY SASQUATCH IN THAT PICTURE! Let’s focus on the big story here.
Also, we spell it “thru” in Texas because we’re too
busydrunk to use all those extra letters that are silent anyway. I suspect the rest of the country will be doing it by 2010.
I loves me some old cemetaries. I’ve never run across a baby/sasquatch/zombie/thingie in one before.
Jen @problem girl’s last blog post..A reminder to myself
Isn’t that the same thing covering your crotch in those “Britney” pictures?
Houston’s last blog post..How I Love Thee
You think that that thing is the ghost of my vulva, Houston?
See, I was kinda thinking that I’d like to visit Texas some day.
Now? Not so much. LOL
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You’s last blog post..My Thanks
Why is it that any subject mentioned here can lead to a discussion of your vagina?
Developed them? Really?
Looks like beaver. Heh. Beaver.
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Awards!
Just A. Reader – I have no idea what you’re talking about.
PS. I use the word “developed” loosely. Just like my vagina.
Thank god for standards.
mamatulip’s last blog post..Eh tu, Brute?
Dude. Thru and half week are perfectly acceptable vernacular. Sheesh 🙂
Yep, Texas is some kind of special. But we love it don’t we 🙂
rachel’s last blog post..From Petrifiying to Pretty. A Pantry Tale
Liquor and Guns – winning combination.
Bloggess: We all know “tiny Sasquatch” is a euphemism.
these standards are precisely WHY i love texas, and the ways of the awesome people who live there.
i respect texas b/c the whole state does it’s own thing, including the people that live there. they just go about their business not trying to please anyone or excuse anything.
i firmly believe that all the time i spent in texas (mainly in houston) prepared me for driving in manhattan. i drove right up to the big apple like i’d been driving there all of my life.
LONG LIVE TEXAS!
piglet’s last blog post..i will always have my health
The only thing missing from the first photo is someone outside bbq’ing some brisket. Texas is like, its own country and shit.
Seriously? I thought all my assumptions about Texas were exaggerated myths. Looks like I didn’t exaggerate enough. Clearly only good things can come of combining liquor and guns. 🙂
andi’s last blog post..Ah, retirement
You aren’t insulting Flatonia, are you? My paternal side (yes my Dad of crazy) hails from there.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Saints Preserve Us
Oh my gosh- that is hilarious. I always wonder if animals walk on two legs when they think we’re not looking…
I’m disappointed that they don’t sell cigarettes.
I was fixin to drive there and buy smokes, booze and some guns at the drive through, and use them all before I got home.
Oh well, there’s always the indian reservation…
Type (little) a’s last blog post..Off the radar
Fireworks. They need to sell fireworks, too.
Velma’s last blog post..Old Friends Are The Best Friends
I still can’t get over the fact that people in California can actually buy hard liquor in the grocery store.
And as for that little creature? – obviously a tiny mutant ninja.
Karmyn R’s last blog post..**sticky post CONTEST sticky post**
Please PLEASE get in touch with one of the following organizations with your photo:
International Bigfoot Society
The North East Sasquatch Researchers Association
The International Cryptozoological Society
The last bills itself as “the ONLY scientific group studying Bigfoot” — but the other two both have pages where you can report a siting. This may be very important scientific and/or historical information and photos you’re sitting on here! Don’t delay!! The future of sasquatch research could hang in the balance, as I’ve never heard of these creatures showing up so far south.
And, no, I don’t follow these sites. But I have a colleague who’s constantly trying to turn me on to them…
MommyTime’s last blog post..Because the Best Thing about Prom is the Story
I used to work at a drive thru liquor store. Total classy joint.
Your little buddy? I vote for Chupacabras.
Adriane’s last blog post..I’m losing my Boobies
I think your mini sasquatch is the groundhog from “Caddyshack”. Go back to that cemetary with a boombox, crank up “I’m Alright” by Kenny Loggins, and see if the little booger comes out dancing.
The Introvert’s last blog post..open letter to the american red cross
Please, it’s my friend Bubba. Tell him I said hello.
Nikki’s last blog post..Memorial Day
guns and booze without leaving your car. what’s not to love.
jennie’s last blog post..Here’s how you know it’s summer.
I rooting for the beaver explanation. Since, you know, you can’t leave your vagina well enough alone!
Oh, and added you as a contact over at Flickr. That way I won’t miss any of your rockin’ pics.
Tracey’s last blog post..Public Service Announcement
I just had a great idea (well, for me anyway) – is there anyway I can persuade you to do a blog entry every Monday morning? I know it isn’t Monday today, but it feels like Monday and when I came in and read this first thing it immediately made all of the Mondayity go away and I figured that it would probably work on a *real* Monday just as well. How great! Actually I hate mornings in general and have a hard time getting through them, how about EVERY morning instead?
… stupid asking too much.
But really, thanks for the funny. Aaaagain.
James and I were laughing about Flatonia this weekend. Although it never seemed like a strange name to me (until this weekend) because I grew up right up the street from there and the boys in Flatonia were HOT! Seriously.
Maybe it’s a normal-sized Sasquatch and all of its surroundings were just abnormally large. Were they abnormally large?
Kelley’s last blog post..Adventures in Atlanta: 25 May 2008
if you were in the vicinity of me and didn’t stop by to harass me, i’m going to Double Shot, buying a gun and a 5th of whiskey in the drive thru and then hunting you down!
biddy’s last blog post..day late & a dollar short
It’s a MiniFoot. Nice job getting it all grainy.
Robin’s last blog post..It’s a Memorial Day miracle
anyone from texas knows the locals call flatonia “flat onion.”
blink and you’ll miss the exit.
leigh’s last blog post..if it’s thursday, then i’m not wearing any pants
Why is it surprising that you can get guns with your liquor in Texas? This is Texas y’all!
Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Tuesday Trivia: Zip Codes
Liquor and guns. That sums it up.
Kyla’s last blog post..Experience wanted
It’s a bear looking for porridge that’s “just right.”
CircusKelli’s last blog post..Moments
Double Shot Liquor and Guns reminds me of my favorite vacation place, Padre Island, TX, where the Drive Thru liquor store is right near the beach. So you can drive in drunkety, pick up some more happy drinks, and then keep right on driving. Into the Gulf.
I heart Texas.
Elle’s last blog post..Perceptions of “Late”
I LOVE cemeteries. And spooks. And Destination Truth. And the HOST of DT even more. (Yummy.) But your sasquatch capture puts them ALL to shame.
mommypie’s last blog post..Nog Duts. The post in which I lose a few readers.
So AFF told me about your site and I had to come over and check it out. I must say, this is the first post I have read and I was laughing my ass off at the “Guns Must Be Unloaded” sign. Only in Texas right? God loves our Lone Star State!
Mini Sasquatches grow up. That’s why we need the guns.
Robyn’s last blog post..Romance’s Favorite Man
I totally believe in Big Foot, I think that comes from growing up in Oklahoma. Texas road trip? Was there a destination? or just a lot of cruising and harrassment?
holli’s last blog post..Dear Diary, it’s me.
LOL @ Robyn
flutter’s last blog post..The Chart of Elements: Passion
My son is still learning to read and kept stumblng on “thru” when they were doing road construction near us.
Yes, even the state uses “thru,” as in “no thru traffic.” He also thought ‘traffic’ only meant lots, as in “dad is cussing about the traffic, again,” and couldn’t figure out when we ever had that many cars in our neighborhood, except during hurricane evacuations. Which, come to think of it, would be a perfect time to own a drive-thru liquor and guns store.
I have no way to work a vagina into this comment. Sorry.
ben’s last blog post..Torturing the kids
Jenny, you watch Destination Truth?
Avitable’s last blog post..Funny, funny, funny . . .
That may be the best picture ever. I would just drive through — that way I can keep my guns loaded.
Clearly, it’s a small circus bear chasing a rooster.
Melissa’s last blog post..Tats, Wheels, and Cyd
I’m going to start hanging out in old cemeteries. I’ve been looking for Sasquatch for years.
Chag’s last blog post..Hannah Montana Is A Gateway Drug
It looks like a prairie dog to me, do you have prairie dogs in Texas?
Ingrid’s last blog post..Marc…This Post’s For You
Yeah, but weren’t you a little concerned about the giant anaconda right above his head?
Jeff’s last blog post..Where have I been? Funny you should ask…
It’s always a good idea to sell guns and liquor in the same place. Saves time.
You should call Ghost Hunters. Though I’m not sure you’d get through that vetting phone call without a few hard questions. (Next week: Ghost Hunters in the Wild!)
Jennifer H’s last blog post..The one where she almost has a heart attack
Yes, that’s Texas for you. Now is it clear why I want to F*ck out?
on the original it looks like part of the tree
Rudy’s BBQ sauce is still permissible as a sexual lubricant right?
It’s a tailless squirrel.
shuttle mom’s last blog post..Are you ready for summer?
Luann: It’s clearly not part of the tree. I bears a striking resemblance to Jenny’s “tiny Sasquatch.” Really. Look at the third picture here.
Geez Jenny wtf is that? A flying rodent? Is there a nuclear power plant near Flatonia?
That first photo…that’s awesome.
We need a road trip to Austin, hey there’s one coming up. Let’s do that and drive thru the beer barn.
LOL at Ingrid above. Do we have prairie dogs in Texas. Isn’t the the state wildlife animal? Research!
State Animal: Nine-banded Armadillo
State Bird: Mockingbird
State Mammal: Mexican Freetail Bat State Reptile: Texas Horned Lizard
State Mammal: Longhorn
State Insect: Monarch Butterfly
State Dog: Blue Lacy
State Fish: Guadalupe Bass
Huh no prairie dogs. I swear the bat replaced it.
I hope your next post is about the Texas Horned Lizard.
You could do a series about the state animals, hopefully with freak show photos of each.
Julie Pippert’s last blog post..‘Whatever’ is not an actual salary and it really doesn’t buy the groceries, either
the guns n likker drive thru is missing one little thing.
a big sign for METH!
Cause nothin goes with guns n likker like METH!
gwendomama’s last blog post..Too Many Punchlines
Ahhh, home. My dad, who is both a functioning alcoholic and a card-carrying gun nut, would love that place.
That is totally a shrunken circus bear! The picture is also better than the Zapruder film.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Swingtown
I can’t find my miniature bear – did he answer to Jo-Jo when you called to him?
That little bastard is hitchhiking again.
Amy in Ohio’s last blog post..One Voice, One Vote?
Have you seen the story about the car dealership giving away guns with the purchase of a car? Love the unloaded guns sign.
Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..Outed in A Local Paper
Just a reader..omg you’re right! lmao
We used to camp out in Flatonia over Easter weekend…and for some reason the person who saw the spirit of the Indian with the headress was always the one who was the most intoxicated!! Ahhh, the good times!!
I think it’s a beaver.
Ree’s last blog post..Hot Fun
It’s a prairie dog.
Or Larry King.
Tranny Head’s last blog post..On the 12th Day of T.I.T. the State that Enrages Me . . . Indiana!
You all have drive through liquor and guns stores and I can’t get into Disneyland in CA without a body cavity search.
Tootsie Farklepants’s last blog post..Dinner Consumed With 99% Less Bone
I refuse to go anywhere without a body cavity search.
WHAT is there not to love about being a Texan, huh??? They make sure your gun in unloaded before you go into their store. (They are looking out for your safety!) And they will only sell you liquor until 9 p.m. and not on Sundays! (It doesn’t say that on the store but it’s a Texas law.) But they will sell you guns through the drive “thru!” Gotta love being a Texan!
Shoegirl’s last blog post..Mommy/Step-Mom Weekend
Wow. Guns AND liquor all in the same place?
Why don’t they have these in NY?
~JJ!’s last blog post..Ten
Liquor and guns, awesome combo. Now if this was in Utah, Liquor, guns and valium, buy all three and you get a free Book of Mormon!
Felicity’s last blog post..A child’s name…
Guns and liquor in a DRIVE THRU?!? Hot Damn! I am packing up the family and moving to Texas.
That is a SASQUATCH. Totally I know. We have them here too. If you watched the NatGeo channel you would know that they are all over Oklahoma too. Which I think is close to Texas…but I could be wrong, I sort of SUCK at Geography. But it is totally a baby Sasquatch.
MommasTantrum’s last blog post..Dream On
Jenny: are you saying your vajayjay is drive thru?
always buddy’s last blog post..trannie tuesday
So what I wanna know is…what the hell can kill a vulva? And if it is the ghost of your vulva…what unfinished business does it have? What does it want? It wants the world to know who murdered it, probably.
Greta’s last blog post..Ina Garten and Paula Deen
What a convenient little store! Usually I’m not much of a planner and don’t think far enough ahead to buy a gun when I go out to buy booze and then, there I am, drunk at 3am looking for an open gun store. Texas is a land of magic.
Ozzy Apples’s last blog post..BSG senses tingling
Man, Bear, Pig! I’m sure of it!
Traceytreasure’s last blog post..Weekend Recap
Now I MUST visit Texas! Guns, and Booze, and Mini Sasquaches, Oh My! I love the name Double shots. Seriously clever.
Casuallyeclectic’s last blog post..Call it what you like, it still felt like Monday.
‘the fuck is that in that photo?
Maria’s last blog post..You’ll like this…
It’s normally liqour in the front and poker in the rear.
Jenny, so now you’re posting pictures of your beaver on the internet, huh? Your parents will be so proud. BTW, it looks nothing like I had imagined.
I think you actually found a Were-Bunny. Better tell Min.
Ed T.’s last blog post..Hell’s Kitchen: Don’t Sweat the Food
All the rooms in Disney were booked, but thanks to this post, we now know where to take the kids for summer vacation.
If you kids think mission space is scary,let’s see how many of ya can live “thru” mission Texas.
laurieofthesevenstories’s last blog post..SPEAK NOW, OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE…
That beats living in a “dry” town…
Beth from the Funny Farm’s last blog post..Wooing Wed Widing Hood
It looks like a woodchuck, to me. Are those native to Texas?
I forgot to put in my 2 cents about the picture!! I think there are Prairie Dogs in Texas. (Texas Tech in Lubbock) That looks like it could be one. OR a squirrel!
Shoegirl’s last blog post..Squirrel Blood
Damn Yankees and their “non drive thru no gun” policy. Frak’em. Every one of ’em.
Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..My children, they take after their mother
If only they had a crack den next to the Liqour Shop/Gun Store…they could have called it a Triple Threat.
manager mom’s last blog post..Are You There, God? It’s Me, Manager Mom
I almost blew coffee out my nose at “hold me closer, tiny sasquatch.”
Missie’s last blog post..So Not Fair
Thank you so much! I have to say, before your comment the most I knew about Texas was that there isn’t really a basement in the Alamo and the song ‘Deep in the Heart of Texas’ – both from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. I have visited the state 3 times, though – but didn’t see a prairie dog.
Ingrid’s last blog post..I was number 37,149
We Albertan’s need to try harder to catch up to Texas.
Out here, no one cares if the guns are unloaded before you go in to enjoy your brewsky and buckshot.
Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Vaseline (and Unicorns)
That my friend is a leprechaun. How brilliant is that? Nobody is going to be digging up his treasure!
It looks like a badger. Are there badgers in Texas? Did you shoot it and then do a shot?
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Surprise!
Furiousball, interesting thought, BBQ flavored lubricant. I think we could get rich, call me!
Tranny Head, don’t bring “Prairie Dogging” into the comments, that is JUST GROSS!
BTW.. I wonder what BBQ
sasqua sesquat sassBIGFOOT tastes like?
Houston’s last blog post..It’s Good To Be A Pirate
Seriously that is a ninja. They are everywhere. (Or is it they’are, I can never remember.) Check this out. I bet you never thought to look for them here.
mamager mom, they do in fact have a crack den next door. It’s to the right of Double Shot. Why did you think Jenny took the picture from the angle she did?:)
Oh, and BBQ flavored lubricant isn’t a very good idea, if you ask me. If you ladies are wondering what will make your boyfriends/husbands interested in a little cunnlingus, you only need to buy two things– a razor, and some beer. No man on Earth can resist a beer fountain.
Looks like somebody in a hood rising out of the dirt to me. But I’m medicated for a reason.
Lotta’s last blog post..Ebay Finds: Super Coloring Book
Double shot. That is genius, in a scary, Deliverance, kind of way.
And that, my friend, is clearly a beaver who lost his way wandering south and is hiding out so the drunks with guns don’t get him before he gets turned back around.
kittenpie’s last blog post..Don’t Break Your Arm…
that’s a ghost monkey, and you know what that means!
you do know right?
i mean if I were you, i’d be all checking my hair every second for clumps falling out and for God’s sake don’t go outside when there’s a full moon!
Maggie’s last blog post..Comically Bloggerish
We had a drive-thru gun and liquor store in AZ called 45’s & 40’s. Hicks can be pretty clever.
There’s a gun and liquor store down the street called Wal*Mart. No drive-thru, yet.
Whit’s last blog post..Graduation Day
Sometimes when I come here and see a hundred comments I’m too intimidated to leave one and I just chuckle (read: snort milk out my nose) to myself and then slink away.
But then I realize half the comments are from you and I feel a little better.
Which is what my mother calls an Intense Exaggeration Again but I’m sticking with it.
Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Hear her roar
Two comments above mine, once again, is that chick who stole my identity.
Also I thought perhaps my first comment could be wildly skewed and taken as offensive. And we would NOT WANT THAT, because it isn’t. It’s a love letter. As are all my comments to you.
Because I love you.
I’m tired. Hold me?
Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Hear her roar
Actually more than half the comments her are from me as I’m fairly certain that most of these commenters don’t actually exist and are my split personalities. Also I think I might be Dooce too. I bet Leta misses me. Lola? Lana? What’s her daughter’s name?
See… now why don’t they have user friendly stores like that in New York City? Texas gets all the awesome crap.
the mama bird diaries’s last blog post..making a love connection
You go to all the best places!
Loraleigh Vance’s last blog post..How to Get the Alcoholic Advantage: Part 2
ONLY in TEXAS…and Okrahoma ! Actually, we have a liquor store with a new drive through…the lady mistook her brake for her accelerator and drove right through the wall.
I’m not sure if this was before or after her purchase.
Swampy’s last blog post..JUCO 2008 . . . Play Ball, Brett, Play Ball !
Do you think it’s easier to be a parent when you live in a state with drive through liquor stores and crossing guards holding loaded guns?
Do you just say, shit, so what if the kids went to school with sock-breath and hairy teeth this morning?
co-author, Mothers Need Time Outs, Too
I think it’s obvious (and I’m rather disappointed you didn’t know this already), that what you have there is one of them Texas Leaping Cemetery Monkeys. Those fuckers are a blight on abandoned cemeteries throughout that fine state.
Incidentally, I read the words “abandoned cemetaries” and I felt all giddy.
MsPrufrock’s last blog post..Shmashmortion
I quite honestly think it’s a squirrel. lol
Hottdog’s last blog post..Is this ok for you?
It is *NOT* a squirrel.
It *might* be a Texas Leaping Cemetery Monkey.
Now that you have let the world know that I am you/me and that is why I keep cracking jokes about your/my hoo-hoo.
BTW I am the personality with chesthair… Just so you all know.
Houston’s last blog post..It’s Good To Be A Pirate
Jenny is, if I remember correctly, the ass hairy woman.
I haven’t had wi-fi in over a week; therefore, I couldn’t access The Bloggess (except when I was out of town, but even then…problems). Today, mysteriously, it’s working again, and I can hit my favorite pornographer (because that’s why I can access your blog on our PC–those blasted blockers!).
So….this really isn’t a real comment, it’s just me reaching out and touching you…’cause I can ;).
Don’t judge me!
Robin’s last blog post..Super-power wishes and little boy kisses
Gotta love texas, when I lived there you were allowed to drink and drive, just can’t be drunk WTF?
Insane Mama’s last blog post..Throwing up and astronaut suits
HA! Double Shot! I just got it.
Heather’s last blog post..The Beginning of a Beautiful Relationship
I’m pretty sure that’s the answer to my 8 year old self’s miniature wild animal prayers. What I wouldn’t give for a very small grizzly bear, or a tiny fish tank sized killer whale. Who knew it would take Jesus this long to answer my prayers, also, who knew he was so bad at geography?
okay, my vote is totally a nutria. those things are everywhere.
Sabrina’s last blog post..Doing what we do best. ..
I am pretty sure that is the worlds longest conversation about someone’s vagina.
Felicity’s last blog post..For the sake of the family…
Oh, yeah that’s all well and good down in the HEATHEN parts of Texas. You have to come up to the holier-than-thou Panhandle and really see the weirdness and hypocrisy. You can’t buy liquor IN Lubbock (as in inside the city limits) you have to go juuuussst outside the city limits to “The Strip” where there are countless drive-thru liquor stores and then you can buy all you want. And then drive home. Sounds like a GENIUS plan, right? Don’t make it handy to get beer – make people drive back & forth long distances after they’ve floated the keg.
And that creature? Looks kinda like a prairie dog. A giant, mutant, Chernobyl prairie dog. Or my Uncle Cletus. I so wish I was kidding.
buffi’s last blog post..originations peltately
You need the liquor and guns together so that you can drink heavily, see tiny sasquatches and then shoot at them.
Kylie’s last blog post..The saga of the bike trailer part 3 (I think)
Hehe, guns and liquor in a drive “thru”. Classy. The end of my aunt’s street used to have a drive through liquor store on it, just no guns. She lives in Ohio. I’ve seen a lot of them in Ohio.
The thing I’m trying to figure out is how many of those drive-through liquor stores actually STARTED OUT to be drive through liquor stores…
okay so along the lines of this post, the current ad that is running from the blogher network on your site is for a product called “Nads”. Apparently a hair removal product for women? Really? Nads?
winedinewhine’s last blog post..Look at Me Shirts
My sister owns it. It’s pretty cool and classy, actually. She just added imported beers that are tough to find in this area.
NO – you can’t buy GUNS thru the drive THRU. (lots of drive thru’s spell it that way, get over it). DURRRRR. You have a waiting period like the rest of the country.
I love texas. We’re like the most fucked up state ever! By the way, I totally agree with you about the wesley ann thing….that’s how i say it.