And I'm proud to be an American but maybe not so much a Texan. Or an American. Never mind.

in phoning it in, Random Crap, why yes I do know how to operate an EMF detector

I’ve been on a Texas road trip for the last half week.  Real post coming.  Until then, a view from my car window:

texas.jpg

And while I’m at it, I took some pictures at an abandoned cemetery in Flatonia (shut up) and when I developed them I found no ghosts but I did find this:

 bear.jpg

I’m not one to jump to conclusions but I’m wondering if 100% certain this is the spirit of a shrunken circus bear, or possibly a tiny Sasquatch.  Someone call Destination Truth.  Original photo is here.

Comment of the day: Mini Sasquatches grow up. That’s why we need the guns. ~Robyn

127 thoughts on “And I'm proud to be an American but maybe not so much a Texan. Or an American. Never mind.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. “Hold me closer tiny sasquatch”

    His feet may not be big, but he’s got a heart as big as Texas.

  5. OMG, Chris, I thought exactly the same thing! Of course, I live in Tennessee, so it takes a bit to shock me…

    Jane’s last blog post..Bad Week

  6. Okay, seriously people, “thru” and “half week” might be a bit unusual but THERE IS A TINY SASQUATCH IN THAT PICTURE! Let’s focus on the big story here.

    Also, we spell it “thru” in Texas because we’re too busy drunk to use all those extra letters that are silent anyway. I suspect the rest of the country will be doing it by 2010.

  11. Why is it that any subject mentioned here can lead to a discussion of your vagina?

  17. Bloggess: We all know “tiny Sasquatch” is a euphemism.

  18. these standards are precisely WHY i love texas, and the ways of the awesome people who live there.

    i respect texas b/c the whole state does it’s own thing, including the people that live there. they just go about their business not trying to please anyone or excuse anything.

    i firmly believe that all the time i spent in texas (mainly in houston) prepared me for driving in manhattan. i drove right up to the big apple like i’d been driving there all of my life.

    LONG LIVE TEXAS!

    piglet’s last blog post..i will always have my health

  19. The only thing missing from the first photo is someone outside bbq’ing some brisket. Texas is like, its own country and shit.

  20. Seriously? I thought all my assumptions about Texas were exaggerated myths. Looks like I didn’t exaggerate enough. Clearly only good things can come of combining liquor and guns. 🙂

    andi’s last blog post..Ah, retirement

  23. I’m disappointed that they don’t sell cigarettes.

    I was fixin to drive there and buy smokes, booze and some guns at the drive through, and use them all before I got home.

    Oh well, there’s always the indian reservation…

    Type (little) a’s last blog post..Off the radar

  26. Please PLEASE get in touch with one of the following organizations with your photo:

    International Bigfoot Society
    The North East Sasquatch Researchers Association
    The International Cryptozoological Society

    The last bills itself as “the ONLY scientific group studying Bigfoot” — but the other two both have pages where you can report a siting. This may be very important scientific and/or historical information and photos you’re sitting on here! Don’t delay!! The future of sasquatch research could hang in the balance, as I’ve never heard of these creatures showing up so far south.

    And, no, I don’t follow these sites. But I have a colleague who’s constantly trying to turn me on to them…

    MommyTime’s last blog post..Because the Best Thing about Prom is the Story

  31. I rooting for the beaver explanation. Since, you know, you can’t leave your vagina well enough alone!

    Oh, and added you as a contact over at Flickr. That way I won’t miss any of your rockin’ pics.

    Tracey’s last blog post..Public Service Announcement

  32. I just had a great idea (well, for me anyway) – is there anyway I can persuade you to do a blog entry every Monday morning? I know it isn’t Monday today, but it feels like Monday and when I came in and read this first thing it immediately made all of the Mondayity go away and I figured that it would probably work on a *real* Monday just as well. How great! Actually I hate mornings in general and have a hard time getting through them, how about EVERY morning instead?
    … stupid asking too much.

    But really, thanks for the funny. Aaaagain.

  33. James and I were laughing about Flatonia this weekend. Although it never seemed like a strange name to me (until this weekend) because I grew up right up the street from there and the boys in Flatonia were HOT! Seriously.

  35. if you were in the vicinity of me and didn’t stop by to harass me, i’m going to Double Shot, buying a gun and a 5th of whiskey in the drive thru and then hunting you down!

    biddy’s last blog post..day late & a dollar short

  41. Double Shot Liquor and Guns reminds me of my favorite vacation place, Padre Island, TX, where the Drive Thru liquor store is right near the beach. So you can drive in drunkety, pick up some more happy drinks, and then keep right on driving. Into the Gulf.
    I heart Texas.

    Elle’s last blog post..Perceptions of “Late”

  43. So AFF told me about your site and I had to come over and check it out. I must say, this is the first post I have read and I was laughing my ass off at the “Guns Must Be Unloaded” sign. Only in Texas right? God loves our Lone Star State!

  45. I totally believe in Big Foot, I think that comes from growing up in Oklahoma. Texas road trip? Was there a destination? or just a lot of cruising and harrassment?

    holli’s last blog post..Dear Diary, it’s me.

  47. My son is still learning to read and kept stumblng on “thru” when they were doing road construction near us.

    Yes, even the state uses “thru,” as in “no thru traffic.” He also thought ‘traffic’ only meant lots, as in “dad is cussing about the traffic, again,” and couldn’t figure out when we ever had that many cars in our neighborhood, except during hurricane evacuations. Which, come to think of it, would be a perfect time to own a drive-thru liquor and guns store.

    I have no way to work a vagina into this comment. Sorry.

    ben’s last blog post..Torturing the kids

  58. Luann: It’s clearly not part of the tree. I bears a striking resemblance to Jenny’s “tiny Sasquatch.” Really. Look at the third picture here.

  59. Geez Jenny wtf is that? A flying rodent? Is there a nuclear power plant near Flatonia?

    Dude.

    That first photo…that’s awesome.

    We need a road trip to Austin, hey there’s one coming up. Let’s do that and drive thru the beer barn.

    LOL at Ingrid above. Do we have prairie dogs in Texas. Isn’t the the state wildlife animal? Research!

    State Animal: Nine-banded Armadillo
    State Bird: Mockingbird
    State Mammal: Mexican Freetail Bat State Reptile: Texas Horned Lizard
    State Mammal: Longhorn
    State Insect: Monarch Butterfly
    State Dog: Blue Lacy
    State Fish: Guadalupe Bass

    Huh no prairie dogs. I swear the bat replaced it.

    I hope your next post is about the Texas Horned Lizard.

    You could do a series about the state animals, hopefully with freak show photos of each.

    Julie Pippert’s last blog post..‘Whatever’ is not an actual salary and it really doesn’t buy the groceries, either

  61. Ahhh, home. My dad, who is both a functioning alcoholic and a card-carrying gun nut, would love that place.

    That is totally a shrunken circus bear! The picture is also better than the Zapruder film.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..Swingtown

  65. We used to camp out in Flatonia over Easter weekend…and for some reason the person who saw the spirit of the Indian with the headress was always the one who was the most intoxicated!! Ahhh, the good times!!

  69. I refuse to go anywhere without a body cavity search.

    Never mind.

  70. WHAT is there not to love about being a Texan, huh??? They make sure your gun in unloaded before you go into their store. (They are looking out for your safety!) And they will only sell you liquor until 9 p.m. and not on Sundays! (It doesn’t say that on the store but it’s a Texas law.) But they will sell you guns through the drive “thru!” Gotta love being a Texan!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Mommy/Step-Mom Weekend

  71. Wow. Guns AND liquor all in the same place?

    Why don’t they have these in NY?

    ~JJ!’s last blog post..Ten

  73. Guns and liquor in a DRIVE THRU?!? Hot Damn! I am packing up the family and moving to Texas.

    That is a SASQUATCH. Totally I know. We have them here too. If you watched the NatGeo channel you would know that they are all over Oklahoma too. Which I think is close to Texas…but I could be wrong, I sort of SUCK at Geography. But it is totally a baby Sasquatch.

    MommasTantrum’s last blog post..Dream On

  75. So what I wanna know is…what the hell can kill a vulva? And if it is the ghost of your vulva…what unfinished business does it have? What does it want? It wants the world to know who murdered it, probably.

    Call Matlock.

    Greta’s last blog post..Ina Garten and Paula Deen

  76. What a convenient little store! Usually I’m not much of a planner and don’t think far enough ahead to buy a gun when I go out to buy booze and then, there I am, drunk at 3am looking for an open gun store. Texas is a land of magic.

    Ozzy Apples’s last blog post..BSG senses tingling

  81. Jenny, so now you’re posting pictures of your beaver on the internet, huh? Your parents will be so proud. BTW, it looks nothing like I had imagined.

  86. I forgot to put in my 2 cents about the picture!! I think there are Prairie Dogs in Texas. (Texas Tech in Lubbock) That looks like it could be one. OR a squirrel!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Squirrel Blood

  90. Julie,

    Thank you so much! I have to say, before your comment the most I knew about Texas was that there isn’t really a basement in the Alamo and the song ‘Deep in the Heart of Texas’ – both from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. I have visited the state 3 times, though – but didn’t see a prairie dog.

    Ingrid’s last blog post..I was number 37,149

  92. That my friend is a leprechaun. How brilliant is that? Nobody is going to be digging up his treasure!

  94. Furiousball, interesting thought, BBQ flavored lubricant. I think we could get rich, call me!

    Tranny Head, don’t bring “Prairie Dogging” into the comments, that is JUST GROSS!

    BTW.. I wonder what BBQ sasqua sesquat sass BIGFOOT tastes like?

    Houston’s last blog post..It’s Good To Be A Pirate

  96. mamager mom, they do in fact have a crack den next door. It’s to the right of Double Shot. Why did you think Jenny took the picture from the angle she did?:)

    Oh, and BBQ flavored lubricant isn’t a very good idea, if you ask me. If you ladies are wondering what will make your boyfriends/husbands interested in a little cunnlingus, you only need to buy two things– a razor, and some beer. No man on Earth can resist a beer fountain.

  98. Double shot. That is genius, in a scary, Deliverance, kind of way.

    And that, my friend, is clearly a beaver who lost his way wandering south and is hiding out so the drunks with guns don’t get him before he gets turned back around.

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Don’t Break Your Arm…

  99. that’s a ghost monkey, and you know what that means!

    you do know right?

    i mean if I were you, i’d be all checking my hair every second for clumps falling out and for God’s sake don’t go outside when there’s a full moon!

    Maggie’s last blog post..Comically Bloggerish

  100. We had a drive-thru gun and liquor store in AZ called 45’s & 40’s. Hicks can be pretty clever.

    There’s a gun and liquor store down the street called Wal*Mart. No drive-thru, yet.

    Whit’s last blog post..Graduation Day

  101. Sometimes when I come here and see a hundred comments I’m too intimidated to leave one and I just chuckle (read: snort milk out my nose) to myself and then slink away.

    But then I realize half the comments are from you and I feel a little better.

    Which is what my mother calls an Intense Exaggeration Again but I’m sticking with it.

    Dammit.

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Hear her roar

  102. I’m back.

    Two comments above mine, once again, is that chick who stole my identity.

    Also I thought perhaps my first comment could be wildly skewed and taken as offensive. And we would NOT WANT THAT, because it isn’t. It’s a love letter. As are all my comments to you.

    Because I love you.

    *sniff*

    I’m tired. Hold me?

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Hear her roar

  103. Actually more than half the comments her are from me as I’m fairly certain that most of these commenters don’t actually exist and are my split personalities. Also I think I might be Dooce too. I bet Leta misses me. Lola? Lana? What’s her daughter’s name?

  107. Do you think it’s easier to be a parent when you live in a state with drive through liquor stores and crossing guards holding loaded guns?

    Do you just say, shit, so what if the kids went to school with sock-breath and hairy teeth this morning?

    Katrin
    co-author, Mothers Need Time Outs, Too

  108. I think it’s obvious (and I’m rather disappointed you didn’t know this already), that what you have there is one of them Texas Leaping Cemetery Monkeys. Those fuckers are a blight on abandoned cemeteries throughout that fine state.

    Incidentally, I read the words “abandoned cemetaries” and I felt all giddy.

    MsPrufrock’s last blog post..Shmashmortion

  111. OK, Jenny!

    Now that you have let the world know that I am you/me and that is why I keep cracking jokes about your/my hoo-hoo.

    BTW I am the personality with chesthair… Just so you all know.

    Prairiedogging! HEH!

    Houston’s last blog post..It’s Good To Be A Pirate

  113. I haven’t had wi-fi in over a week; therefore, I couldn’t access The Bloggess (except when I was out of town, but even then…problems). Today, mysteriously, it’s working again, and I can hit my favorite pornographer (because that’s why I can access your blog on our PC–those blasted blockers!).

    So….this really isn’t a real comment, it’s just me reaching out and touching you…’cause I can ;).

    Don’t judge me!

    Robin’s last blog post..Super-power wishes and little boy kisses

  116. I’m pretty sure that’s the answer to my 8 year old self’s miniature wild animal prayers. What I wouldn’t give for a very small grizzly bear, or a tiny fish tank sized killer whale. Who knew it would take Jesus this long to answer my prayers, also, who knew he was so bad at geography?

  119. Oh, yeah that’s all well and good down in the HEATHEN parts of Texas. You have to come up to the holier-than-thou Panhandle and really see the weirdness and hypocrisy. You can’t buy liquor IN Lubbock (as in inside the city limits) you have to go juuuussst outside the city limits to “The Strip” where there are countless drive-thru liquor stores and then you can buy all you want. And then drive home. Sounds like a GENIUS plan, right? Don’t make it handy to get beer – make people drive back & forth long distances after they’ve floated the keg.

    And that creature? Looks kinda like a prairie dog. A giant, mutant, Chernobyl prairie dog. Or my Uncle Cletus. I so wish I was kidding.

    buffi’s last blog post..originations peltately

  121. Hehe, guns and liquor in a drive “thru”. Classy. The end of my aunt’s street used to have a drive through liquor store on it, just no guns. She lives in Ohio. I’ve seen a lot of them in Ohio.

  122. The thing I’m trying to figure out is how many of those drive-through liquor stores actually STARTED OUT to be drive through liquor stores…

  123. Pingback: Sorry, Texas « movement, movement

  124. okay so along the lines of this post, the current ad that is running from the blogher network on your site is for a product called “Nads”. Apparently a hair removal product for women? Really? Nads?

    winedinewhine’s last blog post..Look at Me Shirts

  125. My sister owns it. It’s pretty cool and classy, actually. She just added imported beers that are tough to find in this area.

    NO – you can’t buy GUNS thru the drive THRU. (lots of drive thru’s spell it that way, get over it). DURRRRR. You have a waiting period like the rest of the country.

  126. Pingback: This post is free for you even though it cost me $300 to write it. You’re welcome. — TheBloggess.com

  127. I love texas. We’re like the most fucked up state ever! By the way, I totally agree with you about the wesley ann thing….that’s how i say it.

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