So I got a box in the mail filled with 80 body parts

So yesterday I got a box of body parts in the mail and when I pieced them all together they were a bunch of angry cross-dressers.

I couldn’t make this shit up.

Lego sent me this to celebrate their new line or anniversary or something and I honestly have no idea what the hell to say here except that this pretty much sums up my entire life.  Other bloggers get invited to go on CNN or get free furniture.  I get an angry transvestite army.

Even my kid was like “Fucking-A, this shit is disturbing” except that she’s three so it was more like she picked up the girl/boy and said in a really deep, masculine voice “My name is Lori?” and then looked to me for guidance and I was all “I got nothin’, kid” and Victor couldn’t stop laughing.

And let me just go on record here as saying that I am a HUGE supporter of the transgendered community and I think Eddie Izzard in drag is 10 times hotter than Brad Pitt covered in nougat, but this is just bizarre.  There was not one face in the box that wasn’t the threatening moustachioed dude.

 

PS.  Someone just sent me the lego version of Eddie Izzard’s “cake or death”.  I’m still confused but at least it makes this post slightly more cohesive*.

*No, it really doesn’t really at all.

Update:  So it turns out that this angry moustachioed head is most often used in sets where he plays a patient about to undergo some sort of procedure.  Of course it is.

Also, I got a very nice response from Lego which said ” Each kit was supposed to contain an assortment of random parts; however, it looks like yours somehow consisted only of angry mustache faces.  Please know that this was not at all done intentionally or to freak anyone out in any way.”  I also heard from several other people who got packages from Lego and none of them contained the angry moustachioed man head.  So basically I control the entire market.  It’s a lot like cornering the market on gold, which is enviable and glamorous.  Only switch “gold” with “angry moustachioed heads”, and “enviable and glamorous” with “perplexing and mildly uncomfortable.”

Comment of the day:  It’s like a bunch of tiny Tony Orlandos. ~Missie

399 thoughts on “So I got a box in the mail filled with 80 body parts

Read comments below or add one.

  1. The first photo looks much like a reenactment of last nights floor vote at the Democratic convention, except the angrylegovestites are not holding up signs and crying.

  2. Am I the only one who really, really wants this set?

    I see hours and hours of workplace fun right there. Oh, I suppose I could let the kids have them but then *I* wouldn’t get to have any fun…

    T’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  3. Anything Eddie Izzard rocks my world. I love his bit on the cunning use of flags. And about queues.

    My father saw him in NYC a month ago. I had a moment of panic when he called me, the day of the show, to tell me he was going. I was all like How fast can I make it to NYC? Could I get away with robbing someone for a ticket? OMG, how the hell am I going to get to NYC??? I NEED TO LEAVE RIGHT AWAY.

    I never made it to the show, but I heard it was a good one.

    A.C.’s last blog post..It’s not fair!

  4. So all the girlie transvestites are sluts and the manly transvestites are working men? Nice job, Lego.

  5. That is fantastic. 😛

    Combine it with some firemen and western sets and you’ve got the village people on holiday.

    You made me very happy. (Again.)

  6. I think the did that on purpose because they knew your post would generate much attention from you wondering WTF? LOL

    I hope you at least get a toaster next promotion *wink*

  7. I NEED some of these! Izzard is one of my favorite actors – I got to see his show live earlier this summer – amazing! But really, how can I get these legos?

  8. Well, I’d be pissed off too is someone sent me off before I had my upper lip waxed and I had to wear purple (pink?) sequins!

  9. Wait, are you sure this was just not a reader goofing on you?

    Or perhaps this was the Lego Hermaphrodite Special Edition. Did you not get the press release on that. I hear Toys ‘r Us is doing a major transgender day to kick this off.

    I like Ingrid’s idea. If I recall my son used to mix all the sets up anyway. Perhaps this was a child driven initiative!

    amyz5’s last blog post..Lavatory Services?

  10. Somebody at Lego just has a wicked sense of humor and knew that if they sent this to you, you’d write a hysterical post about it. Just like this one!

    Jeff’s last blog post..Five Hundred

  11. Maybe these are really women Lego that just haven’t been able to make their salon waxing appt….

  12. Ok, I got nothin witty since I’ve only taken one sip of coffee so far today. Just want to say thanks. This might be the highlight of my day. Really, Thanks!

  13. Let’s not forget Eddie Izzard is an *executive* transvestite…
    If you haven’t seen it yet, look up his piece on Darth Vader in the Death Star canteen. Pure genius.
    Er, Bloggess, there’s no denying your unusual status within the celebrity blogosphere. Just remember, there are kids in Africa who’d do anything to have a cross-dressing lego army… ok, maybe not.

    Noopster’s last blog post..Radical Tele-marketers and my fatal error

  14. I think the lego semi-dude in the overhalls is HAWT. Perhaps it’s the way Lego was able to properly depict transvestite immigrant farmers in their true light on a little inch-and-a-half plastic toy…? I don’t know. But this is definitely art.

  15. I’m pretty creeped out by this. I’m not even going to lie.

    My favorite is the Eddie Izzard Star Wars Lego one. It’s on youtube if you haven’t seen it!

  16. Hey, aren’t these Lego representations of the prisoners that re-enacted Michael Jackson’s Thriller video a while back? (That’s my guess — the prisoner version of Michael’s video girlfriend had a ‘stache too.)

    Nancy’s last blog post..The “p” word(s)

  17. Did they do a bet at Lego?

    Worker 1: You dare not put male faces and female bodies in one package – if you do this 6-pack of Carlsberg is yours.

    Worker 2: Watch me!

    Worker 1: OK the 6-pack is yours.

    BTW greetings from Legoland 🙂

    Susanne F’s last blog post..Yummy Herrings for Lunch

  18. I tried to get Lego to send me some parts for a wedding cake topper. They didn’t.

    This post makes me feel better about that…because no one wants a transvestite on their wedding cake. Except, I guess, transvestites.

    Jessica’s last blog post..WTF Wednesday: Cheesus Edition

  19. This was the kind of post where I was TRYING to hold in the laughter, but at some point (somewhere around “My name is Lori?”), it just burst out, not to be deterred.

    I think my husband knows I’m not “working” now.

    ali’s last blog post..The Thought Process: Redux

  20. If you ever get to go on CNN, at least you’ll have the angry transvestite Lego army to back you up. Actually, they would probably be more useful if you ever get to be on FOX…

    savia’s last blog post..Reality check

  21. Fabulous! Where can I get my own lego transvestite army??? It sounds like a perfect addition to our Star Wars / Indiana Jones lego collection. Indy battles the evil transvestite nazi army OR Hahn battles the evil transvestite clone army. Either way, good family fun!!!

  22. Sweet! Who’s the weirdo that sent those – heck… who created those… wait. Who approved those? Who wrote the pitch for that?

    “hey I got a great idea that will speak to sexually confused people”… “no, not people that think they might be gay, but people that have both parts”

    Where in that pitch was that “idea approver” going like “hey – that is so awesome!” i mean they have lego starwars, lego pirates, lego dinosaurs… why not have lego gender wars.

    great post – i laughed… and that video you sent was awesome.

    Aman’s last blog post..Updated comments

  23. Y’know, those figures wouldn’t be all that bad if it weren’t for the faces. I’m guessing someone typed in the wrong part number for the head. The question then becomes, whose head is that? Is it just “generic angry guy with cheesy porn-star mustache” or is does it have some cinematic tie-in? I think it’s pretty safe to assume that Lego doesn’t have a Ron Jeremy minifig.

    Steve’s last blog post..“All the parts of the internet”

  24. Last week, my kid was all, “I want 70s porn Legos for my birthday, Mom!”, and I grabbed him in for a hug and told him to stop being such a dreamer. “There’s no such thing, baby,” I soothed. “You’ll get the Lego Mission to Mars Legos and you’ll just have to settle. Welcome to life!”

    But those are so mind blowingly awesome that I would endure a trip to Toys R Us for them

    for a different kind of girl (FADKOG)’s last blog post..things I think are the tits*

  25. I need to make a habit of reading your blog every morning, first thing. There is nothing, NOTHING as wonderful as your sense of humor, even screaming, “WTH???” you’re the cat’s pajamas. Other bloggers may go on CNN but you! You’re the payoff to this thing called the blogosphere. Words can never express how much I laughed.

    AV Flox’s last blog post..Go F*cking Blog About It

  26. Oh, wait, I found it. A google image search for minifig brown mustache yielded a lot of images, one of which looks right. It’s called (unsurprisingly) “Minifig Head with Bushy Brown Eyebrows and Moustache Pattern” (3626bpx135). Details here: http://www.peeron.com/inv/parts/3626bpx135. Looks like it’s included in a lot of different sets including “King’s Castle” and “Escape from Privet Drive”. There’s nothing in the list even remotely like “Grumpy Cross-dresser Playset”.

    Steve’s last blog post..“All the parts of the internet”

  27. I wanted to type something funny but then I got to Missie’s observation about the “Tiny Tony Orlandos” and realized nothing I could come up with would be better than that.

    Kudos to you Missie.

    The Cotton Wife’s last blog post..Pears

  28. Mr. Potato Head, a.k.a. Mrs. Potato Head, has been a cross dresser for years and no one paid him any attention.

    Or is Mrs. Potato Head the cross dresser? The world may never know.

    Wow. This comment has absolutely nothing to do with cross dressing Lego people.

    You crack me up.

    Blessings!
    Lacy

    Razor Family Farms’s last blog post..Meadowlark Mustard Giveaway

  29. My brother and I grew up with Legos like those! Ah, the memories. Love me some mustachioed men dressed in pink sequins.

    Perhaps that explains my ex.

  30. WOW THAT’S AMAZING. Seriously.

    I wish your child really had said fucking-a, this shit is scary, but the deep voiced My Name is Lori as almost as good.

    In similiar news, I made the two queens from a chess set sing “I kissed a girl and I liked it” to each other last night while my friend tried to tell me a story.

  31. So I was reading along and there was an ad on the right that said “no one is uglier than a cyberbully.”

    Parallel, I saw the transvestite Lego army.

    Thinking.

    I made a new ad. Let me know if you want to see it. haha.

  32. First I thought, “Oh silly Bloggess, matching up the dude faces with the girl hair and switching up their outfits.” But no. I see now that was YOUR ONLY OPTION. It’s sort of amazing. Will you send me one? I’ll send you a really awesome mix CD in return.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..It FELT illegal….

  33. Umm…is it just me..or do those all look like ninja legos trying to blend in with regular people legos. You may have just constructed the next army of ninjas without knowing it. Who thinks this is funny now?

  34. That picture with the moustache and cleavage? Yeah, I had an aunt like that. A barrel-shaped woman. Wore a lot of pink sequins.

  35. Some companies go a little overboard with their PR/publicity campaigns, wouldn’t you say? But they did get you to blog about it and us to comment on it, so it seems they succeeded…

    Lizzie Bennett’s last blog post..Jenny is a Mrs.

  36. Oh, I love this! I think you should slip them out to kids at Halloween … one per child in their trick or treat bags. Imagine the response from parents when the kids get home and dump out all their candy to find a mini-tranvestite in with all the other treasures? Ha!

    Twenty Four At Heart’s last blog post..Lascivious vs. Affectionate

  37. Those are flippin’ awesome.

    It’s little Chico’s (Freddie Prinze) from “Chico and The Man”

    These are completely and totally priceless…..

  38. I’m totally confused. This is the Land of Make Believe, right?? When you said, “I couldn’t make this shit up” that actually means “Don’t believe anything in this post,” right???

    Or you got a Sharpie and colored in 80 mustaches and twitchy eyebrows….

    Stuff like this makes Gilligan’s Island very attractive….

    Robin ~ PENSIEVE’s last blog post..With kids back in school, you’re waxing poetic whether you realize it or notAugust Poetic License

  39. I nearly pissed myself from laughing. You should have a “piss yourself warning” a top your blog headings…oh and my work mates think I’ve completely lost my mind. Thanks for the laugh…who would have thought Transvestite Lego’s was all the rage in America 🙂

    Jenn’s last blog post..If I Had Known…

  40. Holy fuck, it’s like you got a box of 70’s porn stars when they make their mean sex face. But their LEGOS. My world is rocked.

    Cecily’s last blog post..Fired Up

  41. Oh my life is so much better now that the phrase “tranny legos” is in it.

    Those mustaches are so, so great/terrifying.

    And now I’m kinda annoyed that no one ever sends me YMCA legos. Or any lego anything.

    It’s always books, books, books. You try to tell them that you’re not really that person, you just play one on the internet and please send toys … but no.

    Anyway, now I have something to aspire to. And then regret having aspired to. And then mock other people for not having thought to have aspired to. This rocks.

    Havi Brooks (and duck)’s last blog post..Non-gross marketing and my Canadian love-child

  42. So I spend a bazillion dollars on legos and they send YOU the cool ones?!? What’s up with that.

  43. Now THAT? That’s your entry into the Pride parade float competition next June. So many options. I’m thinking a flatbed truck and hundreds of Lego Harleys in various shades of butch and femme.

    patty’s last blog post..the day’s end

  44. Maybe that’s the five o’clock shadow version and it fades and reappears at different times of the day…

    Nic’s last blog post..200!

  45. When I first looked I thought they were pink 70’s disco shirts. I was so relieved that it was really pink sequinned slut-tops with cleavage. (is anyone else disturbed by lego-cleavage?)

    And the guy next to the white shirt/red pants is all “What are YOU looking at?!”

    I would like a legovestite, too, please. 😀

    markira’s last blog post..Cottonelle Generation

  46. Scary – they look like a bunch of “70’s guys heading for a key party and i think Will Farrell as Anchorman is one of them. He’s wearing pink. Note to self: never drink liquids while reading Jenny’s blogs. Bad for laptop screen.

    Gina (@amoxcalli on Twitter)’s last blog post..Arroz con pollo

  47. Okay… you are the funniest person ever. You make me laugh, and that takes allot. And, your freakin’ readers… you are all a very funny bunch of loonies!! I LOVED how someone said they look like Tony Orlando, and Freddy Mercury!! They do.

    I almost think they look like a bunch a confused Mexican Nationalists. What set of Lego’s are these supposed to go with??
    Uy.

  48. Apparently MR. LADY had her own lego figurine now (besides the one Busy Dad’s son made for her), and she’s shopping it around. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Click here and scroll down a little to see the Mr Lego Lady.

    Just gotta’ say, though, that they do look a lot like a ninja army (except for the glittery lavender tops). And I love that the angry mustache man face is underneath hair that’s in a bun, etc. This is totally twisted.

    MommyTime’s last blog post..Who Knew Gross Could Be This Much Fun?

  49. I can honestly say I would have never thought of cross dressing lego people until now. But considering the men and women were shaped the same, it’s a natural progression to get gender confused.

  50. Okay, I’m past the extreme Queen Lego Set jealousy, but, sweetie!!! Eddie Izzard? Christ in a rowboat, I have “Velvet Goldmine” on continuous loop in my house…ooh,now I got the vapors…

  51. Seriously. What is that? I’m trying to make sense of it all. Maybe they’re supposed to be army lego people…but then why the pink? And why is Lego sending you shit? What kind of a relationship do you have with them to where they just randomly send you they’re latest arrivals??

    I have to commend Lego for stepping out of the box though…it’s about time some companies out there started embracing the transgendered. They’re severly overlooked in the community.

    mama’s losin’ it’s last blog post..It’s What’s For Dinner: Fiesta Chicken Dinner

  52. No explanation. There were also a pair of 3D glasses and a DVD with a one-minute commercial for legos (non-transvestites) in the box. That’s it. I’ve emailed the company twice asking what this means. No response.

    Curiouser and curiouser.

  53. I have to make a public mental note not meant to ostracise or embarass anyone. It would seem to me that about every fifth comment associated with maybe all of your blog comments ever describes how a perhaps otherwise normal person spews coffee or an alcoholic beverage uncontrolably all over their homes or offices as a result of your ninja-like, surprise-attack wittiness.

    That’s all, I just wanted to point that out. Maybe there are some Kegel type throat exercises these people could do to avoid this in the future.

  54. I freakin’ love these legos. Love ’em! I’ve been looking for a way to teach my kids about alternative lifestyles, but since we live out in the sticks where all the gays are banished as soon as they turn 18, never to be heard of again, it hasn’t been easy.
    Who knew Legos would solve the problem for me?
    Plus, not all bloggers get invited to do things. Take me, for example. CNN hasn’t called yet. Bastards.

    shonda’s last blog post..Real Cowboys Don’t Pay Entry Fees

  55. Just send them to New Orleans. They will either have fun at Southern Decadence or blow away. Either way you don’t have to worry about them waking up in the middle of the night to steal your underwear and pee all over your floor.

    SoMo’s last blog post..Learning the House Rules

  56. “So I got a box in the mail filled with 80 body parts…”

    Ding!

    “What is, ‘The opening line of Jeffrey Dahmer’s autobiography’?”

    “Correct. You have control of the board, Skippy. Choose a category.”

    “I’ll take ‘Transgendered Toys’ for a thousand, Alex…”

  57. So funny! I wish someone would send me boxes of cross-dressing Legos instead of just junk mail!

    (And I agree that Eddie Izzard, in drag or not, is way yummier than Brad Pitt, nougated or not.)

  58. What I want to know is how did you get on the mailing list for free Lego?!? I’d gladly trade my place in the “we’ve got a book written by a man about fatherhood and need people to review it who don’t have a vagina” list for a spot in the “free hermaphrodite lego” list.

    I’m not sure what that says about me, though.

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..Five Weeks From Today

  59. OK……..seriously I really don’t get it!

    And I have a pretty , sick, twisted imagination……..

  60. Just got a very nice response from Lego: “…Each kit was supposed to contain an assortment of random parts; however, it looks like yours somehow consisted only of angry mustache faces. Please know that this was not at all done intentionally or to freak anyone out in any way. In light of all of this, we do appreciate the humor you have put into your post and appreciate even more the fun your readers seem to be having.”

    They also even offered to switch out my transvestites for a wider selection of torsoes and heads but it turns out that my Uncle Frank was right. Once you go transvestite, you never go back. Seems like that should rhyme.

  61. “…it looks like yours somehow consisted only of angry mustache faces.”

    Now can they explain why a legos kit would even come with an angry mustache face man? Is it the Threatening Office Atmosphere Play Set? And why was there only lego people in the box? No extra legos to make little buildings or cars or anything. Wierd.

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..She Don’t Need No Stinking Teddy Bear

  62. Oh my God, that’s funny. Why do they even make angry mustache guy? Even without the cleavage, he would still end up in our reject pile I think.

    Clearly Lego was trying to give you something to write about?

    Stimey’s last blog post..Happy Snippets

  63. What?

    The?

    Fuck?

    I just… I… There aren’t words… I am so confused. I’m right there with you on the Eddie Izzard is one sexxy man train, but regardless of how sparkly I make my cleavage, I always try to downplay my moustache. Did they perhaps come with a lego waxing kit?

    Sallyacious’s last blog post..Not What I Meant to Be Doing *UPDATED*

  64. Okay, so this is an odd way to promote the third decade of the “mini-fig” but even the transgendered deserve their own Lego set.

    You can’t shield children forever either and at least you were around when your daughter learned about cross dressing. My kid learned it at camp from two kids who told her how their dad waits until their mom isn’t home and they all play dress up with her underwear.

    My daughter’s stuffed penguin dressed in drag for a week after that and she would say “buts he’s really still a ‘he’, Mom”

  65. LMAO it looks like they just gave you the extra pieces they couldn’t sell to kids.
    Becuase angry moustached people and lego cleavage could maybe scare them or something.

    Lol I was going to say something witty but I just remembered that I should maybe start some uni work today. Then again, it is only 5pm… 😀

  66. Hahahah! I got the same tin except it was missing the angry Tom Selleck. It actually came with a whole bunch of different heads and bodies. I have a feeling that others who got the tin were also missing that head. All 30 if us.

    BusyDad’s last blog post..Cheers, MiniMan!! You’re 30.

  67. So I read this the other day, and clicked back through today hoping you had found out what the hell was up. Umm. Guess not. Please let us know when you figure it out, because like you told you kid, I got nothing.

    Wendy’s last blog post..Front Porch Visitors

  68. I’m so with you on Eddie Izzard! I think it’s the eyeliner. And the intelligence. Gets me hot every time. But, you know, nougat’s good too.

    Wendy’s last blog post..Yes We Went

  69. I actually ditched Macy’s Drunk In The Shoe Section Night at BlogHer to go see Eddie Izzard. I thoroughly agree….way hotter that the Pitt. Way. Although I would prefer to lick the nougat off Eddie than even visualize it on Brad.

    And, while we have close to 5.2 million pounds of Lego in our home, we have none of those little s/he minifigs. Maybe they’ve decided to scrap the Star Wars theme and go with a new Tranny line? It’s about damn time those Swedes embraced the transgendered community.

    califmom’s last blog post..Ultra Flippin’ Fabulous

  70. Ok, I have no energy to scroll through almost 200 comments to see if anyone else said roughtly the same thing as I’m about to say, so fuck it.

    I’m getting a distinct 70s transvestite “key party in Boca Raton” vibe from those little people. Creepy as hell.

    MsPrufrock’s last blog post..In the interest of full disclosure

  71. OMG, my Little Man likes to do this kind of thing with his Lego people, all the freaking time!! At our house, Indiana Jones was wearing a baseball cap and sporting talons, dudes! Weird shit…

    Um, how did you get FREE lego, anyway??? Oh, I see. You have a ginormous readership. Hmph.

    Kidding! Thanks for the shits and giggles!

    Kia’s last blog post..Footprints: In the Sand and Up and Down My Back.

  72. I am at a loss for what to say. Were they the pieces that couldn’t sell? Or the “imperfect” ones that they can’t sell? Did some disgruntled employee take over the machines for a day and produce the worst looking lego heads he could think of? And then, because he’s fan, send them all to you?

    Weirdness.

    Jen@Happily-Ever-After-Land’s last blog post..PhotoStory Friday – Freedom!

  73. Coal Miners Granddaughter: the answer is me, of course! Jenny, do you make any of this shit up, or is your life really this hilarious? I’m going to call Henry, and see what he says.

  74. Hey, at least you get free stuff. All I get for my blog is a bunch of trackback spam for penis enhancement pharma, and the odd comment from you and Julie P. (Actually, her comments are normal: yours are somewhat odd, but then that’s normal, so maybe they are all normal.)

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Keeping the lights on: Wiess Energy Hall

  75. I recommended your blog for Blog Day or something because I have a crush on you and your blog. I promise I won’t send you any drag queen lego dudes either.

  76. I had to stare at that picture for awhile to figure out how you put them together wrong…then I realized they all had weird red mustaches. These were made in America right? You know in China, some poor factory worker would have had to fall on his sword for that mistake.

    Jaci’s last blog post..Not For the Faint of Heart

  77. Are they genetically correct? Anything under those overalls and tutus? I think they are all names Chris, Pat, or Marion. I’ve met a lot of make Marions lately.

  78. OMG…is Lego for REAL? Honestly, I want to come up with something really funny and witty to say, but can’t stop laughing long enough to come up with a reply.

    Strangely though, I have an overwhelming desire to watch The Birdcage…

    Shannan P’s last blog post..Something To Make You Smile

  79. Lego is celebrating the 30th anniversary of the mini-men, I think, right? My kids would LOVE a huge collection of those little creatures. They are huge Lego fans. But, I have to admit, yours are disturbing.

    Rhea’s last blog post..Men Only

  80. I love that this is your life.

    What’s most confusing is… under what circumstance would any LEGO of any gender ever need to wear that hideous outfit?? What is even happening there? Is that a sparkly skort I spy??

    Also, $50 says the LEGO Intern was behind “angry mustache faces” and “freak anyone out.” Unless that’s just company rhetoric, in which case they’re even cooler than I thought.

    Heather R.’s last blog post..Things That Are Awesome

  81. After nine hours of class, three hours of work, and a dance rehearsal, not much could make my night. This wins all the marbles. Thanks for making me smile tonight.

  82. Disturbingly, my nephew would love this. We used to have to buy sets of legos so he could carry around the little men. Granted, they weren’t cross dressers, but what kid throws out the actual legos just to play with the little people. I mean not little people really, but you know what I’m talking about. Anyway, I’m forwarding this to my sister because she will laugh her ass off.

  83. Maybe they mixed up Lego Star Wars with Lego Porn Stars: Super 70’s Edition. Hmmmm?
    OK-i’m just gonna spell it. You make me laugh out loud.

  84. You are so lucky! I never had Lego growing up. 🙁 I would have loved to get Lego and as an adult with a big ol’ posse of gay (and some drag kings. You think Kathy Griffen is the only one lucky enough to have gays? Then count me and my husband in as lucky!) I would have loved to get a small army of transLego. I’d pair them up with a small army of Lego Judy Garland and Liza Minellis.

    Condo Blues’s last blog post..Machine

  85. Pingback: Me the Wannabe «
  86. My daughter (age 3) just told me “can you get me those legos for me for my next birthday, and give my old legos to other babies, because they are really funny and I will bring those to my cousin’s house and grandma and papa’s house and they will laugh and think its funny.”

    And where can we get them?

    ~ ElizabethPW

    @ElizabethPW’s last blog post..ElizabethPW: feeling that rebellious anti-work lethargy coming on, so I’m signing off & closing the laptop for the night. later my peeps!

  87. I just got here via a link on your Sexis interview page. Sweet monkey butler this is awesome! I laughed so much I nearly stopped breathing and needed to take both of my inhalers. But SO. WORTH. IT. An entire cadre of elite, angry transvestite toys ready to do your bidding (and, apparently, eager to embarrass those who made them)? What’s not to love?

  88. This is hilarious! You just made me burst out laughing in my little cubicle at the library. Definitely got some weird looks!

  89. Since I am an angry mustachioed transvestite I would be thrilled to take these off your hands.

  90. I just Stumble’d Upon this site and I have to say that #1 the site is amazing and #2, you’re one of the funniest writers I’ve ever Stumbled Upon in a long time.

    Thanks for the lulz!

  91. this made my day! long live mustachioed, dress wearing legos! if this was delivered to my door, i would start believing in god.

  92. Okay, I’m going to precede this by saying, I only looked at this stupid page bitching about these Lego people which I am sad to say I stumbled to, however…..HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU HONESTLY SAY YOU’RE LIKE MOTHER TERESA ONLY BETTER?!?!?!?!?!? As far as I’m concerned you’re a huge conceited bitch, if you’ve even done a hundredth of the shit that Mother Teresa did for other people I’ll be shocked, especially seeing as you have time to bitch about your free Lego transvestites. You’re an absolute whore and I hop you die a slow and painful death you stupid bitch. Feel free to email me back and explain yourself, I want to hear what I’m sure is a massively fucked up reason for saying such a thing. That’s honestly the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard even if it is, like I hope, a sarcastic joke, it is horrible to say!!!!

  93. It’s always lovely to see how Mother Teresa’s work has touched people all over the world. And even on those other planets, where commenter #271 apparently comes from.

  94. I very nearly peed my pants with the effort of not laughing out loud at work while reading these 2 comments. Thank you, Bloggess. I almost asphyxiated from laughing. You rule.

  95. Well I know who Mother Teresa is too, and she borrowed my book “Chicken Soup for the Hoarder’s Soul” and NEVER EVER returned it. So even if she’s done a bunch of great stuff, she doesn’t return books.

  96. I was referring to comment #271 not your post about mustachioed lego heads…which you could possibly sell for high prices to the people who got no mustachioed heads in their boxes
    .-= Erica´s last blog ..Cakes =-.

  97. Thank god SOMEONE finally said it! I mean come on, as far as serious, religious blogs go, this one SUCKS.

    As far as a satirical, entertaining and quite frankly, badass blogs go though…. its pretty kick ass.
    I’m hoping Poster #271 went back and read a post or two and felt like a total douche canoe and is now pretending to be someone else and posting something more interesting.

    Also, pretty sure Mother Theresa would be laughing about transgender lego. Its a commonly known fact she was a Rocky Horror Picture Show fan and collected lego in order to recreate scenes from the movie.

  98. When I hate people I simply seethe. I need to learn a lesson from #271. If I “hop” the other person dies, then I get my workout while also allowing my anger to fester. Hopping helps develop balance too. Win-win.
    .-= Mad´s last blog ..My Regency Period Is Drawing to an End =-.

  99. #271 comment = WIN

    Mother Teresa was a bitch. Get the facts straight about the woman before defending her on a comedic blog, take a breather, drink some mushed up oreos, and explain yourself through e-mail to every person. I hurt you so much you made me smile

  100. #271 may know who Mother Theresa is, but (s)he apparently doesn’t know who The Bloggess is. Which means (s)he lives in a hole, because how do you not know The Bloggess!?!? Maybe when (s)he finds out she insulted one of the purest and funniest and best people on the Internet, (s)he’ll reconsider calling you such names, which is very un-Mother Theresa like in the first place. #271, you could take a cue from Mother Theresa about letting God do the judging.
    .-= Andrea (@shutterbitch)´s last blog ..Adventures in Kitchen Disasters =-.

  101. So good to see that #271’s love of Mother Theresa has inspired them to such loving diatribes! And for the record – Mother Theresa would TOTALLY love the Blogess. I mean, she’s a nun – its kind of a requirement.
    .-= Domesticated Gal´s last blog ..For Future Use =-.

  102. Jenny,

    You need to be a bit more understanding of hirsute females. The Freak Show at the carnivals where the bearded women use to work are mostly a relic of history – now they are delegated to Lego land. How sad. They may be just trying to get enough funds together to take care of their polycystic ovary syndrome.

  103. um wow. Mother Theresa would totally approve of this blog- it’s something that brings laughter to massive amounts of people. And we all know that laughter is the best medicine. You’ve done much much more than whoever commenter 271 is to make this world a better place. As the saying goes, if you don’t have enemies, you don’t have character. I <3 The Bloggess!

  104. Jenny, what I think she didn’t understand was that you are ‘like Mother Teresa only better’ because you put out, not because of your staggering noteworthy causes.
    .-= traci´s last blog ..A Mother Is =-.

  105. All she ever did was run around India saying, “Don’t you know me??? I’m Mother Fucking Teresa!” That’s why you’re better.

  106. LMAO @ Traci (#299)
    …and um sir (#271), go sit your ass in that corner over there. You CLEARLY need a timeout.

  107. “You’re an absolute whore and I hop you die a slow and painful death you stupid bitch.”
    If I only had a dime for every time I’ve heard that…
    .-= Nona´s last blog ..Enough already =-.

  108. #305 Kellie-
    I’m so glad you posted the link to that article. I never knew!

    See? Jenny would NEVER do those things.

  109. Man, I must not have learned the same history of Mother Theresa as commenter #271. I had no idea she’d approve of “hoping” someone a slow and painful death, calling people whores and bitches AND using retarded in a derogatory way. If only we all lived in a caring, respectable world like commenter #271. Thank you for reaffirming the love everyone has for radical Christians with no sense of humor like yourself. And since you have no understanding of sarcasm, I totally ruined the awesomeness that is using “radical.” Thanks. I’ve compromised my own character now. I hop you’re happy #271! I hop like the Easter Bunny after Easter day hopping away from all the kids trying to get to its solid milk chocolate center!
    .-= Gamanda´s last blog ..Baby steps! =-.

  110. I don’t know which I laughed harder at – That you received a angry tranvestite lego army or at comment #271.

  111. No one just happens to stumble across a blog about trannie legos. #271 stop Googling ‘trannie legos’ and get some help. You need it.

  112. You’re probably the only person to receive a corporate apology letter containing the phrase “to freak anyone out in any way.” You should frame it.

  113. Jenny, I just read this and laughed myself into an asthma attack in the middle of my office.

    My coworkers all came running … first, because they heard me *SCREAMING* with laughter, then because they heard me gasping for air … so they walk in and I’m lying half-conscious across my keyboard, wheezing, with tears running down my face because I CAN’T STOP FREAKING LAUGHING long enough to breathe. Way to go, bitch, you almost killed me.

    On the plus side, you are my new Goddess. If I pray to you every night, do you think Lego will send me a do-it-yourself transvestite army kit too? One can only hope.

  114. Re: comment 301:

    I believe her exact phrase was “I’m Mother Fucking Theresa, Bitch!” Or maybe that was Rick James. I get them confused sometimes.OF

  115. good to see that #271 is following in mother theresa’s footsteps. to be honest, i was shocked the first time i heard mother theresa using the words “whore” and “stupid bitch”, and wishing slow and painful deaths on people. but after a while, i got used to it, and could see the love and compassion behind her words. i think she called it “tough love”. #271 – keep carrying the message – you’re doing a marvelous job.
    .-= Simone´s last blog ..Flying is for the Birds =-.

  116. #272 has to be fourteen years old at most. There is no other population of people that could write such uppity, self-righteous, hilarious, dumb-as-fuck comments.

  117. #271 you hopping mad moron — it’s ‘hope’, not hop she dies! That’s right, anal grammarians understand the difference between satire and stupidity … are you a grade one kid destined to nunhood? But kudos to you for reviving a thread from August 2008 with your hilarious fuckery. And taken out with a one word reply … the Bloggess is the goddess.
    .-= The Dalai Moron´s last blog ..Sign Fetish =-.

  118. not only was 271 googling transvestite lego armies, but she managed to make it through a page of comments and STILL not get the joke. Brilliant – at least she has given us all a reason to feel superior. Maybe that was the point – so maybe she IS a do-gooder. It was all a clever ruse…touche 271.
    .-= kateinlondon´s last blog ..An (almost) local’s guide to Madrid =-.

  119. Don’t worry, unless you think that saving someone’s soul for Jesus instead of, you know, saving their bodies so they could actually live, along with providing spiritual validation to dictatorial regimes is “doing stuff for people”, that lady is totally wrong and you, Jenny, with your awesome children and your hilarious humor, totally beat out that bitch any day of the year.

  120. Jenny … Bloggess Extraordinaire … you rock BIG TIME
    #272 was just the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time
    (still snickering).

  121. You said the phrase “angry mustachioed heads” approximately 80 times in that post and I think that this entire post is a subliminal advertising campaign for some new cross-dress your feelings movements and I resent being used as a pawn Jenny. I demand you send me one of these “angry mustachioed figurines” as retribution.

  122. Oh my god. I haven’t laughed this hard in ages. Soooo glad I came to this post again from the Ebay listing. 271/272 just made that completely worth it.

    Someday, I hope to get hate mail and comments as fantastic as that 🙂
    .-= andrea´s last blog ..drowning on dry land… =-.

  123. Fortunately the only way of “hoping someone dies” is if you are the giant from jack and the bean stalk and if you are HOLY SHIT YOU ARE A GIANT LIVING IN A CLOUD CITY and where do you get your pants the big and tall? Leave the religious diatribing for the jehovah’s witnesses.

  124. Jen:

    You have to hang on to Ole’ #231…she woth too much in entertainment value to let float off into the ozone. “Hopping mad” heh, heh. Keep up the good work.

  125. So, after a year and a half, am I the only one wondering how you go about getting a free box of Legos? Those lil’ buggers are expensive! (BTW, we seem to be polar opposites in personality, but I can’t stop reading your blog! You make me giggle…)

  126. LOL, I already stumbled upon this ages ago, and then stupidly didn’t start reading your blog until this past week. But I’m so glad you linked to this post, because still could not stop laughing at the angry-lego-transvestites!

  127. One. of. my. most. favorite. posts. evah! i love the tranny legos. bestest thing. i think you should make a necklace out of them and wear it to blogher. totally. or a belt. youre tiny. that would work.

    p.s. can i have one? just one? they remind me of my brother. kinda. nevermind.

  128. Am considerably late to this party, but have three comments for #271.

    1. When expressing misdirected and nonsensical hostility in the form of a death-wish toward strangers on the Internet (and Jenny is, most certainly, a stranger to you, considering your ridiculous and completely incorrect characterization of her) it is best—if one wishes to be taken seriously—to employ some sort of proofreading and/or spell-checking mechanism(s) to ensure that one, indeed, manages to make one’s point without making one’s self look like an idiot. I “hop” you understand what I am saying.

    2. Jenny is the LEAST conceited person I know, in real life or cyber-existence, and, if you were literate (see: comment 1) and intelligent enough to understand her blog(s), you would know this.

    3. You’re an asshole.

  129. I linked to this posting through shit-you-did-this-week because I was supposed to read Comment #271. I’m releived that I did because somehow I missed it when it was initially published. I’m going to ask that everyone step away from #271 and admire the unbelievable brilliance of “my name is Lori?”

    I’ve said my piece; I hop everyone will reconsider…

  130. Are you going to respond to comment #271? If you do – I’m sure that it will be totally awesome and that Victor will not agree with your response – just guessing.

  131. Lmao that was the best hate mail/comment ever..and your response priceless.
    I love you Jenny!
    I”hop” to see more angry comments.
    still giggling.

  132. No, Jenny, I think comment #271 is MY mom. Sorry. She’s nutz. I have no idea how she learned to use the internet, though. She can’t even figure out how to use a CD player.

    WEIRD.

    Oh shit! Maybe my real Mom gotten eaten by pod people and that is why she is nutz, can’t use a CD player, but can use the internet?

    Fuck, that would explain A LOT about my childhood…
    .-= Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity´s last blog ..Just Another Wordless Wednesday… =-.

  133. That post made me laugh hard. Too hard. I read it while at work and the giggle fits set in and pretty soon there were tears (of joy) and uncontrollable laughter. My boss came over to check on me because he thought I was having convulsions or something. Then he just thought I was insane, kinda lame, and totally unprofessional. But it was worth it!

  134. Oh man, I straight laughed through this whole post. Glad to have discovered you! Did they send a replacement set of non-mustachioed faces for you to even the population out with at least?

  135. First, yes I know I’m a bit late to this whole ordeal…

    Second, Comment #271 is obviously by some ignorant pseudo-religious zealot, because what REAL religious zealot would use language like that or wish death on someone.

    Third, Mother Theresa wasn’t the ‘saint’ everyone wants to make her out to be.

    Lastly, I damned near peed myself laughing at Jenny’s reply.

    This is why she wins at the internet.

  136. Ooops – someone got fired for that balls up I’m sure.

    Reminds me of a family friend who started working in a chocolate factory (before you ask, she is not an Oompa Loompa). She had to make two halves that would eventually fit together. They were then spewed out onto a conveyor belt that she then had to piece together to make one chocolate piece.
    Except she had a brain freeze and only made one half, so when the conveyor belt started hurling chocolate pieces at her, she couldn’t get them to match up.
    But the pieces. kept. coming.

    It was an *actual* ‘I Love Lucy’ moment.

    Moral of the story: we got 3 shopping bags FULL of chocolate halves.
    (Which is not really a moral but the only good thing I took away from the experience. Shut up; I was 8 years old.)

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