This is not a real post.

Joaquin Phoenix is kind of an idiot.

Also, I don’t keep up with the news but apparently Barack Obama is getting a puppy!  And something about him winning something too.  Some kind of raffle, I think.

Comment of the day: I don’t think it’s “retiring” when you’re 34, I think that’s just quitting. Otherwise, I’ve retired a lot of jobs. ~ Emmysuh

144 thoughts on “This is not a real post.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. At least the “B” isn’t backwards.

    The funniest thing to write on your fingers is:

    P A C I F I S T

    At least I think so.

    Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.

  2. Bless his dyslexic heart.

    I heard Obama is going to Disney World. Do you think that he won that trip? Maybe that’s what he won! I hope he knows that those “win” things are a scam. Poor guy. Hate to think of his kids having to sit through long drawn out speeches where they try to sell stuff.

    Kim @’s last blog post..It will be OVER

  3. Soon you’ll see him on the corner with a cardboard sign that says:


    He’s already got the beard for it.

    Hello again.

  4. To Joaquin Phoenix: if you go on a spiritual journey to Alaska, please pack a map and a cell phone

    To Obama: congrats on the dog! I hear you’ll soon have a lovely lawn on which it can crap

    all things BD’s last blog post..What Would YOU Do?

  5. Haha, so freaking hilarious.

    I heard something about Obama too. Maybe that’s why all those people were stepping on my toes in Grant Park last night…

  6. I don’t think it’s “retiring” when you’re 34, I think that’s just quitting. Otherwise, I’ve retired a lot of jobs.

  7. oh, joaquin… you make us giggle..

    dude, jenny, obama got elected president.. get your head out of your ass already!

    glad to hear the wife is finally letting him have that dog now that he got elected.

    i’d rather have a dog than have to be president.

    churchpunkmom’s last blog post..10 Things Tuesday

  8. Now if he had used dead hobo fingers to write “good bye” he wouldn’t have fucked it up and if he did, he could have just rearranged them until it was right. Stupid Joaquin. He should have checked with you first.

  9. Ooooooh, a puppy! Everyone LOVES puppies!

    I always say, why just settle for the stress of moving to another city and starting a new job when you can also throw in a puppy…

    Seriously, though, YEAH Obama! Congrats on the raffle.

  10. I’m looking for job, can I have his? My hair is neat and I have no facial hair and I ALWAYS get someone to spell check my fingers before I go out… I ain’t sayin’, I’m just sayin’…

    Martie’s last blog post..Virgin Voter…

  11. On and on Joaquin… maybe he was answering himself. You know… “Bye!” “Good… we don’t want you here anymore anyway” but he probably ran out of fingers and had yet to receive his dead hobo fingers from eBay.

    Oh and can someone PLEASE tell him that he isn’t ACTUALLY Johnny Cash. He just played him in a movie… which wrapped several years ago.

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Can you use that in a sentence, please??

  12. Who announces their retirement like that? I mean if “I” was going to retire, I’d certainly let my people start rumors first … and then mysteriously disappear … for a day or two at LEAST. Then I would plan a press conference to announce it and then the next day, I’d secretly take the deal that Oprah’s production company offered to me and let the rumor mill start all over again.

    Gosh … doesn’t he know anything about Hollywood antics?

  13. Wow, he wins the presidency and they throw in a free puppy? I’ve never gotten a free puppy when I started a new job. I usually just get pens and mousepads and stuff like that. Maybe this is part of some new economic stimulus package. Start a new job, get a free puppy. Not exactly sure how that stimulates the economy. Maybe something to do with more jobs for vets.

    Steve’s last blog post..In Space, No One Can Hear You Sigh Despondently

  14. Yeah, I ain’t gonna work anymore. My full potential was fulfilled. Till me under.

  15. aww, dont pick on him. poor man is a little dis…disslex…desslecksick…dysle…hes just confused ok! we all get a bit confused at times…besides hes gorgeous, no one cares if his mom never taught him to read. ignorance is bliss. he has no idea that the guys thought it was funny to put it backwards, he just thought everyone was laughing at his clever little idea in the first place. ignorance is bliss.

    who did you say won the raffle? because honestly, i dont think its fair that he could buy more tickets than me…it just cause hes rich…thats some kind of “ist” isnt it?? “poorist” maybe? whose that guy that was talking about change? maybe he can make them stop bein “poorist”? o…wait…never mind, thats socialism.

    btw, i love you jenny. not in a weird way, at least i am pretty sure its not weird. no, its not weird (i heard if you say something in a difinitive way, ppl are less likely to question you…) its like boys and their “bromances”, you know? i have a “brocrush” on you. =] .

  16. I am so glad Obama won the raffle, but I heard he got a new job. Maybe now he can buy some new shoes. I wonder if Michelle will buy her inaugural gown at The Gap, too. Do you think Ann Nixon Cooper had to use a dead hobo finger to vote?

    Wanda’s last blog post..President Elect Obama

  17. I hope we get to help name the new puppy! A contest to name Scotty the baby elephant born at the Louisville Zoo has been great PR for the zoo and city (Scotty even showed up in People Magazine). Talk about bipartisan efforts.

    Faye’s last blog post..Blogs, Baseball Bats & Race Horses

  18. Am I missing something? Did he do that on purpose or is he really just stupid? Oh well…

    And yeah, I was really hoping Obama was going to win that raffle for a puppy. I’m feeling much better over here knowing that he was the one.

  19. That picture is hilarious.

    As for the Obama children and their dog… well, I’m a cat person, first. I do have 5 cats and 2 dogs, so I’ve still got enough love for slobbering, goofy mutts.

    My problem with the dog is that he announced it in the victory speech. It felt like I was watching G.W. Bush speak for a moment. I guess he was playing to the people for an “American as apple pie” moment. Blah. I’m glad for the change, though.

    Ian’s last blog post..Election Technology

  20. “Bye!Good” is the new “Hello, My name is Joaquin Phoenix and I’m a coke head”. Has a nice ring to it

  21. Perhaps he JUST got around to reading about Hugh Grant ‘semi-retiring’ a few years ago and wanted to follow in his footsteps.

    …then again he may have just been drunk off his ass. These crazy actors and their thinking they can just do what ever they want.

    Oh, and I hear this Obama guy (hope I spelled that right) won a race of some sort. Not sure what that’s all about.

    Ben’s last blog post..Rockin’ Facejob (aka Joaquin Phoenix) retires!

  22. is it rude to want to know what’s up with his lip and shoulders? Quid pro quo? I’d give it up about my abnormal bits.

    always buddy’s last blog post..word

  23. He’s not really retiring. If he really wanted to quit, he would have written “GOOD BYE!” on his ass and mooned the whole AFI audience. Of course, people probably would have thought it said “GOODOBYE!” and wondered what that meant.

  24. I’m so glad that Joaquin is off of those drugs. That shit will kill you.

    Obama shoud get his kids a damn unicorn instead of a dog. A unicorn or maybe even a griffin.

  25. I’m SO relieved about our president-elect… but you gotta wonder if he might, in fact, be clinically insane to WANT the job at this point! AND… add a puppy to the mix… clearly bonkers. I imagine there will be “staff” to help with pup-elect.

    Lori’s last blog post..One Grateful American

  26. “As we say in the South, “Bless his heart”. We don’t mean it, we just say it.”

    Which most of the time is the polite way to say “What a dumbass!”

    Anyway, Joaquin’s not kind of an idiot. He’s definitely is an idiot. Why anounce retirement? Just take a break like the rest of Hollywood.

    I missed the puppy announcement since I was at work. How exciting for him! :o)

  27. I think Obama won the publishers clearing house sweepstakes, and he is probably buying a huge house with the money. 5,000 dollars at a time.

    Also, Joaquin, highlight of his career = Signs.

  28. The hell????

    Oh Joaquin….how could you do this to me? How could you go from super sexy lip-scar guy to drugged out bye-good idiot guy. You were totally on my top 5 f-list too! Good day to you, sir!

    Miss Yvonne’s last blog post..I. Am. Crazy. Cat. Lady.

  29. “‘Like fried gold, stuffed in a crepe.’

    One of the few things you can’t get deep fried at the state fair.”

    You OBVIOUSLY have never been to the Albion fair.

    oh, Joaquin, I do love it when others make me feel smart. Thank you for that.

    Rikki’s last blog post..girls, taffy, and time

  30. Actually his daughters are getting a puppy. He gets to clean up after. Ha! I just had an image of Obama cleaning up dog turds off the South Lawn with like 20 secret service agents watching with sunglasses and machine guns. That would be cool…

    Kile’s last blog post..Tuesday Smackdown (Cancelled)

  31. Honestly? I really only like Joaquin Phoenix when I can pretend he’s Johnny Cash. Plus, as a general rule I don’t like people whose names are too hard to spell. Because then when I want to e-mail or text them or whatever, I have to keep checking and double checking and as ANOTHER general rule, I generally do not care enough about anyone I know for that kind of nonsense.

    Hey! My last blog post wasn’t real either.

    Lesley’s last blog post..This Is Not A Real Blog Post (Though You Can Rest Assured You’ll Be The First To Know If I Ever Write One) (I WON’T)

  32. I’m sure he’s full of angst, also bullshit, and blah blah blah. But who gives a f@ck?

  33. I am embarrassed to think that when I first saw this photograph, I thought it was Vincent Gallo and I was HUGELY relieved that he was leaving the film business. Though on second thought, if Mr. Gallo wanted us to know he was leaving, he probably wouldn’t have written “BYE GOOD” on his fingers, if you catch my drift…

    Sallyacious’s last blog post..Waiting for My Fingernails to Dry…

  34. I’m just pissed that his recent weirdness has completely invalidated my desire for him to have his wicked, dirty way with me against a wall. Or on a car. Or in a graveyard. Or all three.

    I should have known lusting after him was a dangerous game. He’s very prone to bloat, which is possibly more unattractive than his obvious mental instability.

    MsPrufrock’s last blog post..The other side

  35. Obama? Don’t let those other schmucks tell you lies about Publisher’s Clearing House, the Nigerian Lotto and whatnot. The man won an extreme kickboxing championship against an old guy who was statistically dead when they both signed up for the championship. Not that big of a deal, if you ask me. My three year-old could take down a statistically dead guy for fuck’s sake.

    Pamela’s last blog post..they left and they didn’t even say goodbye.

  36. I just found this site. I was shopping for a new goddess, and I was wondering if you would be mine. Pretty please?

  37. Why do you have to say bye good? You aren’t trying to leave life in the spotlight, just changing which spotlight you want on you. Bye good means your packing up and going to live in the artic tundra, or the Australian Outback. Not just attempting to change spotlights.

    And seriously, how many of these actors music pans out? Thats why you went into acting to begin with…because your singing didn’t get you noticed.

    mamalang’s last blog post..I’ll Trade You

  38. You are so, so right. Bye. Good. Bwah.

    Here’s the deal. I’m not leaving this comment on anyone else’s blog but yours, and I’m only doing it to yours because I think you’ll come up with a better response than any other blogger. Except maybe Anne Nahm. And also New Girl. You guys would totally be neck and neck. Anyway, I just put a post up on my blog asking for secrets and confessions, to be published anonymously next week. It’s kind of complicated, but I lay it all out on my blog.

    Right now I sort of feel like I’m the loser nerd in high school attempting to ask the homecoming queen to prom. Now that I’ve made a total fool of myself, maybe I’ll go do it to Anne Nahm and New Girl.

    New Duck’s last blog post..Secrets, confessions, and everyday rants

  39. Whenever I think of knuckle tattoos, I recall some random stranger’s personal web site I accidentally stumbled upon years ago, where he said he had “HATE” tattooed on the knuckles of his left hand, and “AMBIVALENCE” tattooed on the knuckles of his right hand.

  40. I don’t care, he is still hot. I’m talking about Joaquin.

    I’m pretty happy about Obama too – puppies are fun! 🙂

  41. I saw that picture and just hoped for his sake that he was sticking out his left fist first for some reason, and you just had to be there. Anyway, I’m still not sure why this is news, apart from the fact that I’m sure he’ll be in three movies in 2010 no matter what he says now, but it’s still funny.

    And I believe Mr. Obama hasn’t won anything of note since the coveted title of Most Unlikely Name of a U.S. President Ever at his high school. I’m sure if he was to have received any further accolades in the 30 years since, the appropriate authorities would have alerted the media.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Copout: America’s Worst-Named Cities

  42. First of all, I know there’s not much to work with when you only have eight fingers with which to get your message across, but seriously? I think he would have definitely benefitted from playing Scrabble a bit more.

    Secondly, what a tiny bottle of water! The only thing that could get any use of that would be a midget clone. In which case, I really hope he won’t be taking his master’s place in showbiz.

    Michael’s last blog post..I Used to Date A Stapler…

  43. Wow, 138 comments and counting! So, you re THE BLOGGESS…

    Poor Joaquin, he wrote that with his fists in his face…mybe he has lost some brain cells long the way…nah, I bet he’s just overcome with the emotion of leaving all that money behind.

    Jim Huffman’s last blog post..Eradicate the Cold Virus

  44. I know I’m late to the party and all, but just stumbled here from somewhere and saw that photo and well, THAT is Joaquin Phoenix?
    Seriously, that is the sweet guy from Parenthood and Signs and The Village? I know he’s a bit ‘quirky’ but I kinda liked him.
    Am I just being totally naive here?

  45. you know, it just occured to me that maybe he *overthought* it. maybe we arent giving him enough credit. i am told i overthink things alot, and i am sure that is more obvious because of this comment, but, really maybe he was using a mirror and was thinking that he had to be sure to have the letters right. technically, when using a mirror, he would have had them on the right side…the letters would have been a little backwards, but he was so focused…ok, i know, im stretching it to defend my own inability to let things go…huh…i tried…

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