Squirrels are destroying America.

in I am totally overrated, no one thinks this is funny but me, Post that people who don't twitter won't get, Random Crap, terrible titles

Squirrels love sperm, hate America:

I posted this on twitter and got only two responses (one of which was simply “Huh?”) so I thought I’d post it over here to increase the number of people who think I’m not funny.

Comment of the day: “Huh? ” ~ Jane

UPDATED:  Apparently the squirrels are working for Obama in order to destroy all the old American flags to make way for the new ones.  Awesome.

81 thoughts on “Squirrels are destroying America.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. I’ve heard that you have to touch the ground if a squirrel burns the flag.

    Or something like that.

    Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.

  4. Oh, those squirrels, you really want to watch them. They gather in special squirrel bars in the forests to decide whose handbag to snatch next. And they ride mobylettes (which is the French for small girly scooters).

    My French man has been telling me to watch out for them for fifteen years. It does not surprise me at all to hear they are burning your flag now. They are insatiable.

    Jaywalker’s last blog post..Welcome to my beautiful home where moths flit gaily through the dirty socks

  20. If it’s any consolation, when I saw you post this on twitter I said, “Heh.”

    Also, maybe if we bring Sarah Palin back, she can find where the real ground squirrels live, not all these anti-American spermophile asshole ones.

    Kim’s last blog post…Women Rule (in New Hampshire)

  24. glad this is not a real post.

    i used to eat these critters, until i realized they’re an intro drug or sorts, leading to an insatiable appetite for chipmunks, mice, and then rats.

    muskrat’s last blog post..on elimination

  29. When I read the caption I thought I saw “Obama, Neb.” which triggered the conspiracy theory lobe in my brain–a whole city is sucking up to him already? What are they up to??

    I now see my error, but keep your eye on Nebraska, because sometimes my conspiracy theories are psychic.

    Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..Somebody wins, somebody loses

  30. You are clearly racist against squirrels. I don’t know what your beef is but I’ve known some very nice squirrels and I can personally vouch that they’re not all terrorists.

    Just last week I was trapped in a dungeon while my stepmother and two stepsisters went to a ball, and if it wasn’t for my little squirrel friends who helped break me out and also sewed a lovely ball gown for me, who knows where I’d be right now.

    It’s just not right. I think you owe them a big apology.

    bejewell’s last blog post..Black Hockey Jesus Made Me Sign the Bloggess Up for the Gary Busey Fan Club, Part Two

  35. Sweet Sparkly Jesus, people. It’s like this: every time an American flag touches the ground, a squirrel gets its wings.

    jane’s last blog post..Milestone

  38. I had to follow the bread crumbs and then I had to look it up.

    Definitions of spermophile on the Web:

    * ground squirrel: any of various terrestrial burrowing rodents of Old and New Worlds; often destroy crops
    wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

    Mike Goad’s last blog post..“That Obama scares me.”

  42. Before everyone gets too carried away badmouthing squirrels here, you have to realize that if you Photoshopped a fat teardrop on the squirrel’s cheek, this picture would undoubtedly begin to appear on mudflaps across the deep South and Appalachia.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Copout: America’s Worst-Named Cities

  43. Anti-American spermophiles, that means that California Prop-8 thing was against them too huh? Dammit! I just had wedding ceremonies for all my squirrels!

  44. When I was in college in St. Paul, Minn., there was a black squirrel who lived on campus. He was the only black squirrel I’d ever seen, but evidently they are more common down south. He was the talk of campus in those days.

    Somehow that random story seemed relevant to this post.

    Raging Dad’s last blog post..P is for Porkins

  46. i used to work at the fendi boutique and one season we had some purses that were made of some kind of russian squirrel. but, since no one in texas likes those little fuckers we lied and said it was sable. because no one knows the difference and texans won’t pay four grand for squirrel.

  52. Maybe it’s the two sips I’ve had of my awesome cosmo speaking, but I’m a little weirded out that I SAW THE OSCAR MEYER WEINERMOBILE today. Too random a coincidence, I tell you what.

    Fucking squirrels.

    mrtl’s last blog post..Filler

  53. Here in Tennessee, Squirrel hunting season opened August 23rd 2008 and continues through February 28 2009. Maybe Mr. Squirrel is thumbing his nose at it? Maybe celebrating prematurely his survival?

    TennLady’s last blog post..On the Prowl

  56. you didn’t know that the American flag increases the potency of sperm? seriously though, you should know that by now

  57. OMFG I live in Omaha and I think that squirrel is from our neighborhood (bastard). My thoughts and prayers will only go out for him if he is a vereran of the pestside wars.

  60. omfg, i just read my last commment (drunk) so I didn’t realize (spell check please) that the squirrel in question wasn’t black. didn’t notice it when i voted for the president either. Obama was the clear choice (pun intended)!!!!!

  61. Thought provoking. The symbolism of the squirrel’s position on American Patriotism and Squirrel rights is deep and meaningful. Although when I showed the post to my loving appendage the response I got was WTF?

    Jenn’s last blog post..The Sky Is Falling

  69. my server at work blocked the link to “the new one”, so i can only assume is was funny.

    isnt there some sort of perfect medium between illegal to view at work – and squirrel holding a flag?

    thx

    katie’s last blog post..twenty months

  74. Is it me, or have you become the laziest blogger in America? Resting on your laurels, huh? Can a blogger collect welfare? Pretty soon it will be just photos with no caption and you’ll be expecting us to just continue commenting away. I guess it’s working. I feel used and I like it.

  80. Just the mention of squirrels makes me violent. I have flashbacks of when I was living with my parents and those f#!-*!s stormed the attic like it was the beaches of Normandy. We did battle all winter long. No matter how many I shot, they STILL seemed to multiply like roaches.

    Article Writer’s last blog post..It’s NaNoWriMo Time Again!

  81. I freaking love this picture!! I copied this onto my desktop wallpaper picture and I agree, squirrels are destroying America.

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