UPDATED: Tough luck, pussycat

So this weekend Victor spent like 4 hours driving around looking for the original version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory because he thinks the remake is an abomination and comes back with a carpet cleaner and I’m all “WTF?  Why did you buy a carpet steamer?” and he’s all “For you.  I thought you’d want it.”  And I’m like “It’s like you’ve never even met me” and then I go to Youtube and in the “Recommended for you” section they’re all Check this shit out. This is so fucking you:

Conclusion: Youtube knows me better than my husband.

PS.  Youtube just sent me Darth Vadar Blues and Bat for Lashes. I’m pretty sure Youtube is trying to seduce me.

UPDATE: Youtube is now sending me a string of Hannah Montana videos.  Screw you, Youtube.  You’ve changed.

Comment of the day:  My wife sent me to the store to pick up milk and not only did I not come back with milk, I managed to sign up to be an Amway Distributor and bought a timeshare in Jackson Hole Wyoming.  Sending us men to go shopping is a bit like asking a blind man for directions to the Sunglass Hut. ~ Chris

83 replies. read them below or add one

  1. YouTube *DOES* know you better than your husband! Creepy.

    Anna’s last blog post..xBox and Weight Loss

  2. I’m positive that “carpet cleaner” is a euphemism.

    Marinka’s last blog post..Good To Know

  3. I can’t believe I just watched that whole thing.

    But I can totally believe Hubz bringing a carpet cleaner. I bet he got a deal on it!

    Ruby Soho’s last blog post..It was over before it even began.

  4. I guess this gives you a chance to be lovely to your husband and pick up a copy of C&TCF for him? =D

    Youtube might be trying to seduce you. Either way, it’ll eat your entire afternoon out.

    Seth Simonds’s last blog post..How To Get Over Your Ex

  5. Youtube can be so fickle.

    Jim’s last blog post..Sunday Randomness

  6. Maybe it was all the talk of fisting.

  7. Good Lord that “Italian Spiderman” clip is hilarious!!!

    Gotta check out the “Darth Vader Blues” and “Bat For Lashes” ones, and skip the Hannah Montana bullshit

    ListenToLeon’s last blog post..Good “Black Dynamite” News!

  8. Just tell you husband that you have someone else cleaning your carpets, then smile while looking off in the distance with a slow sigh.

    PS You look pretty cute in the video,,,, that is you,, isn’t it?

  9. Nothing will ever be better than the expression on the face of Professor Bernardi’s neice as she walks down the serpant hallway. Fucking classic.

    Kind of leaves you wanting more.

    Kelly’s last blog post..Typical Crazy Anti-Abortion Extremists!!

  10. Oh yeah, you might also mention that the person cleaning your carpet for you, is also excellent with hard wood too.

  11. Kelly #9

    You know, it occurs to me that your comment may be a sly trick to get me to watch the video again just to see what her expressions was.

    Which is totally unnecessary since I already watched it like five times.

  12. Fantastic…but I heard the book was better.

    Jessica (Hey Lola)’s last blog post..Reason #437 why nobody invites me anywhere anymore

  13. That was weird. Like Dude from Big Lebowski morphed (badly) into the dad from the Incredibles. Where do you find this stuff?

  14. Carpet steamer eh. Italian Spiderman YAY!

  15. well maybe he couldn’t find the original because he was searching for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, when the original is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory…

    I’m Jo. And I’m awesome.’s last blog post..I’m trying so very hard to keep it together, and I fear I’m failing…

  16. I laughed so loud my son’s friend had to see what I what I was laughing at.

  17. Sadly, I don’t think that YouTube is trying to seduce you….in fact they are trying to kill you. They lure you in with these riveting pieces of work…The stellar acting and directing in these pieces is breathtaking…Then they send you Hannah Montana videos.

    kerrie’s last blog post..Looks Like You Can Sell Anything

  18. At least they are send you the funny kitty videos and Slanket commercials they send me. YouTube thinks I am 85 and housebound.

    Libby’s last blog post..Pizza Face

  19. You gotta give Victor points for trying though.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Grey’s Anatomy S5ep12

  20. I will never be able to cook toast again.

    Thanks YouTube. You suck.

    Now my kids wont eat 3 nights a week. Unless I can get drive through toast.

    Kelley’s last blog post..The post fuelled by exhaustion and the scent of my own sweat. Oh and a big helping of sooky-la-la-ness.

  21. Snakes, why did it have to be snakes?
    I kept expecting him to whip out his own snake, but I guess they were trying to keep the PG-13 rating. Sell outs.

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..The Randomness of Being

  22. That spiderman is going to give me nightmares. For reals. yikes.

    Rhea’s last blog post..Prayers please

  23. Your husband shops?

  24. You have way better snake posts than I do. I’m jealous. I think that it should have been in your NOT dismembered baby feet category, though.

    Laurie’s last blog post..A Gay Hula!

  25. Yeah, that’s YouTube for you. It seduces you with Italian Spiderman and Wheezin’ Darth, and when you finally give in, it’s nothing but Hanna Montana. So you’re all, “Hey, you used to give good video. WTF?” And YouTube’s all, “Aww, baby, I’m sorry. Here, let me make it up to you.” Next thing you know, you’re being Rickrolled.

    Sure, your husband came home with a carpet cleaner but at least you know he’s never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you

    Steve’s last blog post..Tough Room

  26. I used to DATE that guy!!! I always wondered what happened to him… Now he’s hanging out with Italian Cleavage Floosie and fighting rubber snakes. Figures…

    Sayre’s last blog post..Fun Monday – Excuses?

  27. I still like this one best..

  28. Those three videos were why Batman created the internet. Also for the porn.

    Kurt’s last blog post..Medical Updates from Pharaoh

  29. I don’t usually comment… but as usual, I am totally fucking speechless. I’m gonna go back to writing my next apron post now.

    Thank you.

    Julia’s last blog post..Winner of the Pink Damask Apron from Gift an Apron is…

  30. Did I catch a shot of crispy fried snake genitalia? Yummy….

    So Not Mom-a-licious’s last blog post..A few "Randoms" all Wrapped up into a Post

  31. If Youtube really knew you there would have been Ninja Zombies in that Video.

    Now I am going to go search Ninja Zombies on Youtube and tomorrow I am going to go and buy a life.

    Cedarflame’s last blog post..Hmmm Pretty good for someone who is like 4.

  32. that contest was a sham. this blog is way funnier than any of the others. by far. the comics one was funny, but not this funny. hoagie, wtf? some of ’em actually aren’t funny at all. but this has nothing to do with youtube, hannah whatever, or italian spider man. it DOES have something to do with vaginas but i can’t quite put my finger on what. what? hopefully, one day i will be minion, too. er, no. a henchman. i want to be a henchman. i’ve always wondered what to do with my life and now i know. henchman.

  33. That’s fucked up. Why is fat Italian Spderman speaking English and French when he is Italian. I’m confused. He looks like Ron Jeremy. Yuck.

    So did hubby ever get the movie? I’m Jo is right and it’s “Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” for the Gene Wilder version.

  34. Bat For Lashes kicks ass, I keep hearing that tune on last.fm and it’s never enough, stoked to hear it repeatedly on youtube now, thanks!

    :::::::::::: wife mom maniac ::::::::::::’s last blog post..strange google search

  35. As others have pointed out, they for no apparent reason called the original movie “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”.

    And as for Victor, have you tried using the carpet cleaner yet? Maybe you’ll find a new beloved hobby, and renew your confidence that he knows you even better than Google.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..My ridiculous rhinestone bow ’tis of thee

  36. 37
    Hektor Rektalfome

    Youtube is Satan except for, like, the Pope’s new Youtube channel. That is not so much Satan.
    But still…vagina.

  37. I always thought the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was an abomination. Especially that fucking cheer up Charlie song. That song makes me want to torture cute furry animals (named Charlie). The remake made me happy.

    A carpet cleaner would not make me happy. A carpet cleaner would also edge me towards torturing furry animals. Not necessarily named Charlie.

    Dani’s last blog post..Baking advantage of a break in the heat

  38. I love the Bat For Lashes video, my daughter had me play the one where they ride the bikes with scary masks on at least 100 times.

    mommiebear2’s last blog post..Claire’s New ‘Do

  39. He was a total badass! He never lost his cigaratte in the hallway of snakes! Means he’s got good finger control…

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..Work It Girl!

  40. Bloggess that is 2.39 minutes of my life I shall never get back.

    pam’s last blog post..Who’s Jerry Sweet Sucks

  41. Oh My God, I nearly peed when the snake came out of the toaster! And his voice… I never knew snakes spoke like that…

    tracey’s last blog post..Oh Please let my day get better from here….

  42. 43

    Dani, I agree with you. I always liked the original one and still do, but that song makes the blood vessels in my eyeballs burst. Also, the writer, Roald Dahl, walked off the set of the original film. The new version actually follows the book more accurately. Roald Dahl is dead, so he will never get to see it, unless he becomes a zombie and I don’t think they watch movies. Nevertheless, I think there’s room in the world for both versions.

  43. Even though I have been madly in love with Johnny Depp for years and I get what he was doing in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” I have to agree with your husband, as much as it pains me. But just because I love him doesn’t mean I have to agree with him all the time. Johnny Depp, I mean. And also: husbands.

    Cathy’s last blog post..Vegetables and Flowers

  44. What did you ever see in him?

    that girl’s last blog post..Out of the Closet

  45. It’s embarrassing isn’t it? YouTube is constantly trying to get me to watch “Joe Jonas shirtless” videos. Someone must be hacking into my computer. What mother of 3 is gonna be looking up Joe Jonas videos on You Tube. Especially not this one:

    happy Hour Sue’s last blog post..Angels Among Us

  46. YouTube is a lyching, cheating whore! It told me I was the only girl for it just this weekend when it seduced me with “Single Ladies” videos and banned European condom commercials.

    That motherfucker.

    You should know, YouTube may have herpes.

    Cat’s last blog post..I Could Call It "Dreds of Death", But That Seems Too Obvious

  47. @ ctina: totally thought that WAS Ron Jeremy, and was totally expecting a different kind of video. Totally.

    Todd Adamson’s last blog post..January 26, 2009

  48. Couldn’t stop watching, snakes freak me out, even when they are so blatantly fake.

    It’s puzzling that Italian SpiderMan can hang out with a chick who is so out of his league. I guess if you are superhero you can do that.

    I myself am a Wolverine Girl. Or Gambit. I am totally a comic book hero ho. Strictly Marve, though. DC heroes are too cheesy for my taste. Unlike Ashley Simpson, I don’t like my guy using my eyeliner.

    Elisa’s last blog post..Sharing the fabulous: Interview with Jean Vouté Pratt, of Style Observer

  49. I totally get why youtube is sending Italian Spiderman and Hannah Montana. Cinematic style is so similar, as well as thematic references to God, man’s relationship with nature and good vs. evil.


  50. I was a rave like that once back in the 90’s – I think I may have just had a flashback.

    kaila’s last blog post..A Sweet Little Interlude….

  51. Am I supposed to look up “carpet cleaner” on urban dictionary now?

    Betsey Booms’s last blog post..Now UFC Me, Now You Don’t…

  52. Yeah, so I did just look it up.

    I think I’m okay with getting a carpet cleaner.

    Betsey Booms’s last blog post..Now UFC Me, Now You Don’t…

  53. Maybe he meant the carpet cleaner to be for puppy pee and spilled whiskey.

    Brandy’s last blog post..I believe I’ve Avoided Being Morbid

  54. Why is it that when my wife buys me a Rubbermade tool organizer for the garage that she anticipates some sort of orgazmophoric response from me, but when I buy her a vacuum cleaner for our new hard surface floors I am an insensitive pudknocker unworthy of affection and barely worth tolerating only because of my ability to provide manual labor and temporary child care? Answer that one friggin’ can o’ worms opening, sore spot finding, victim playing he got me a carpet cleaner, wha wha wha lady. No sympathy from me. Victor rocks. You go boy.

  55. My wife sent me to the store to pick up milk and not only did I not come back with milk, I managed to sign up to be an Amway Distributor and bought a timeshare in Jackson Hole Wyoming.

    Sending us men to go shopping is a bit like asking a blind man for directions to the Sunglass Hut.

    Chris’s last blog post..Ladies And Gentlemen, Step Right Up

  56. I love cinema verite.

  57. I think the only proper response to that video is: what the hell?

    chirky’s last blog post..Keepin’ It Fresh

  58. My husband thinks the exact same thing. He loves the original Gene Wilder version.

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Random Thoughts

  59. Now if someone would just bring me carpet cleaner I can leave this world complete.

    clickmom’s last blog post..fruit and bike

  60. I totally thought those killer snakes were real until I spotted the fishing line on the toaster snake. Crap, now I want to make a crazy video and wear a mustache and battle off snakes while saving a sexy girl.

    Or get more coffee…

    mariah’s last blog post..We’re Improvisiong Over Here

  61. I’m thinking your husband doesn’t read your blog. Wouldn’t it be nice if husbands and boyfriends were like the internet and could gather all the hints and clues that we’ve given them to stuff we’ve recently looked at, so they could figure out what we want without us ever saying a single word! Every woman would be totally happy then!

    Christine’s last blog post..The Closer on TNT

  62. I thought that, since you were so interested in the Obama-and-Michelle-fisting story, you would appreciate this ill-time photo. His expression, the placement of his hand … it’s all very suspicious and disturbing.


  63. Yeah, I noticed the manly control of the cigarette too. Which totally reminded me of Wayne resisting Waynetta’s advances.


    Now I want pizza.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Computer Terms Illustrated #20 – Burns Special

  64. My last comment just disappeared. Meh.

    Also? I have Logizomechanophobia – Fear of computers. Go figure.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Computer Terms Illustrated #20 – Burns Special

  65. @ Todd Adamson

    That he looks like Ron Jeremy made it even worse. I can’t stand that guy. Even in his early films he just looks like he needs a shower. Ick! I don’t care if he’s hung, he’s just nasty looking.

  66. Next thing you know it’ll be giving you favorite scenes from “The Golden Girls.”

    mrtl’s last blog post..My Brain’s Not Working Rightly

  67. I always think you’re funny Bloggess!!

  68. It’s like YouTube is just an extension of what I imagine being inside your brain is like….

  69. Holy crap. That scares me more than you know. More than Senator Oprah every could.

    Gretchen’s last blog post..I’m not popular. or cool. or exciting.

  70. italian spiderman is god’s gift to the internets:

    check out the “trailer.”

  71. I totally got the DVD of the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in the discount bin at Kroger. Did he check Kroger?

  72. OMG! I am so turned on! I love Italian men, but one with a can of hairspray and a lighter has me close to the edge…

  73. All I ever get from YouTube is the latest Obama Girl videos, Raymi the Minx immitating Sarah Palin, and random porn. I love the random porn, but sometimes the ballbusting stuff gives me nightmares. Still, it just goes to show, if a girl is hot enough she can get a guy to put up with ANYTHING.

    Memphis Steve’s last blog post..An Open Letter to My Testicles by Barack Obama

  74. 75

    Oh, Italian Spiderman!! 5841 San Miguel Court, Indianapolis–I’ll pay for the cab (and I totally have the smokes.)
    Facts Known By Few and Cared About by Even Less: Peter Ostrum worked with my friend John Lormore, a vet in Lowville, New York (where I was born.) John retired a bit ago, so I don;t know if Peter kept the practice or not.
    p.s oh and yeah, he was still hot last time I saw him (those Viking genes hubba hubba…)
    WHOA! Re-reading this, SOMEBOODY needs to get their drunk on and get laid, y’all.

  75. I freakin’ love youtube. You can find foreign condom commercials and old rocking songs and every ridicules thing any famous person has ever said. I don’t know if it loves me more than my husband does, but I may love it more than I love him.

    shonda’s last blog post..All My Bags Are Pack And I’m Ready To Go

  76. wow. i like victor for seeing the remake for the schmutz it is. in which i mean no offense to schmutzie, of course, but she chose the name in the face of adversity so you know what i mean. the movie SUCKS SO HARD like a carpet cleaner.

    gwendomama’s last blog post..Sunday Monday Link Love

  77. YouTube is a fickle lover.

    BOSSY’s last blog post..Bossy’s Favorite Things.

  78. I bet that rubber snake stunk when they burned it. (That’s all I got.)

  79. 80

    Somewhat related: I just discovered David Bowie’s soundtrack to Labyrinth on my iPod. I did not put this there, but it’s there. Valentine’s Day came early this year…. and it looks like I’ve got to find a way to make love to an iPod.

    …hmm…. that looks a wee bit too small…

  80. Sometimes reading your comments is nearly as amusing as the entry itself.

    Untypically Jia’s last blog post..Twilight Consumes Me

  81. Wow. It takes a lot of work and a great deal of commitment to make something as bizarre as that.

    David’s last blog post..Blogger on Blogger Action!

  82. […] The Bloggess, who has something mystical going on with her YouTube […]

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