UPDATED: Tough luck, pussycat

So this weekend Victor spent like 4 hours driving around looking for the original version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory because he thinks the remake is an abomination and comes back with a carpet cleaner and I’m all “WTF?  Why did you buy a carpet steamer?” and he’s all “For you.  I thought you’d want it.”  And I’m like “It’s like you’ve never even met me” and then I go to Youtube and in the “Recommended for you” section they’re all Check this shit out. This is so fucking you:

Conclusion: Youtube knows me better than my husband.

PS.  Youtube just sent me Darth Vadar Blues and Bat for Lashes. I’m pretty sure Youtube is trying to seduce me.

UPDATE: Youtube is now sending me a string of Hannah Montana videos.  Screw you, Youtube.  You’ve changed.

Comment of the day:  My wife sent me to the store to pick up milk and not only did I not come back with milk, I managed to sign up to be an Amway Distributor and bought a timeshare in Jackson Hole Wyoming.  Sending us men to go shopping is a bit like asking a blind man for directions to the Sunglass Hut. ~ Chris

83 thoughts on “UPDATED: Tough luck, pussycat

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Just tell you husband that you have someone else cleaning your carpets, then smile while looking off in the distance with a slow sigh.

    PS You look pretty cute in the video,,,, that is you,, isn’t it?

  2. Oh yeah, you might also mention that the person cleaning your carpet for you, is also excellent with hard wood too.

  3. Kelly #9

    You know, it occurs to me that your comment may be a sly trick to get me to watch the video again just to see what her expressions was.

    Which is totally unnecessary since I already watched it like five times.

  4. Sadly, I don’t think that YouTube is trying to seduce you….in fact they are trying to kill you. They lure you in with these riveting pieces of work…The stellar acting and directing in these pieces is breathtaking…Then they send you Hannah Montana videos.

    kerrie’s last blog post..Looks Like You Can Sell Anything

  5. At least they are send you the funny kitty videos and Slanket commercials they send me. YouTube thinks I am 85 and housebound.

    Libby’s last blog post..Pizza Face

  6. You have way better snake posts than I do. I’m jealous. I think that it should have been in your NOT dismembered baby feet category, though.

    Laurie’s last blog post..A Gay Hula!

  7. Yeah, that’s YouTube for you. It seduces you with Italian Spiderman and Wheezin’ Darth, and when you finally give in, it’s nothing but Hanna Montana. So you’re all, “Hey, you used to give good video. WTF?” And YouTube’s all, “Aww, baby, I’m sorry. Here, let me make it up to you.” Next thing you know, you’re being Rickrolled.

    Sure, your husband came home with a carpet cleaner but at least you know he’s never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you

    Steve’s last blog post..Tough Room

  8. that contest was a sham. this blog is way funnier than any of the others. by far. the comics one was funny, but not this funny. hoagie, wtf? some of ’em actually aren’t funny at all. but this has nothing to do with youtube, hannah whatever, or italian spider man. it DOES have something to do with vaginas but i can’t quite put my finger on what. what? hopefully, one day i will be minion, too. er, no. a henchman. i want to be a henchman. i’ve always wondered what to do with my life and now i know. henchman.

  9. That’s fucked up. Why is fat Italian Spderman speaking English and French when he is Italian. I’m confused. He looks like Ron Jeremy. Yuck.

    So did hubby ever get the movie? I’m Jo is right and it’s “Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” for the Gene Wilder version.

  10. As others have pointed out, they for no apparent reason called the original movie “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”.

    And as for Victor, have you tried using the carpet cleaner yet? Maybe you’ll find a new beloved hobby, and renew your confidence that he knows you even better than Google.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..My ridiculous rhinestone bow ’tis of thee

  11. Youtube is Satan except for, like, the Pope’s new Youtube channel. That is not so much Satan.
    But still…vagina.

  12. I always thought the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was an abomination. Especially that fucking cheer up Charlie song. That song makes me want to torture cute furry animals (named Charlie). The remake made me happy.

    A carpet cleaner would not make me happy. A carpet cleaner would also edge me towards torturing furry animals. Not necessarily named Charlie.

    Dani’s last blog post..Baking advantage of a break in the heat

  13. Dani, I agree with you. I always liked the original one and still do, but that song makes the blood vessels in my eyeballs burst. Also, the writer, Roald Dahl, walked off the set of the original film. The new version actually follows the book more accurately. Roald Dahl is dead, so he will never get to see it, unless he becomes a zombie and I don’t think they watch movies. Nevertheless, I think there’s room in the world for both versions.

  14. Even though I have been madly in love with Johnny Depp for years and I get what he was doing in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” I have to agree with your husband, as much as it pains me. But just because I love him doesn’t mean I have to agree with him all the time. Johnny Depp, I mean. And also: husbands.

    Cathy’s last blog post..Vegetables and Flowers

  15. It’s embarrassing isn’t it? YouTube is constantly trying to get me to watch “Joe Jonas shirtless” videos. Someone must be hacking into my computer. What mother of 3 is gonna be looking up Joe Jonas videos on You Tube. Especially not this one:

    happy Hour Sue’s last blog post..Angels Among Us

  16. Couldn’t stop watching, snakes freak me out, even when they are so blatantly fake.

    It’s puzzling that Italian SpiderMan can hang out with a chick who is so out of his league. I guess if you are superhero you can do that.

    I myself am a Wolverine Girl. Or Gambit. I am totally a comic book hero ho. Strictly Marve, though. DC heroes are too cheesy for my taste. Unlike Ashley Simpson, I don’t like my guy using my eyeliner.

    Elisa’s last blog post..Sharing the fabulous: Interview with Jean Vouté Pratt, of Style Observer

  17. I totally get why youtube is sending Italian Spiderman and Hannah Montana. Cinematic style is so similar, as well as thematic references to God, man’s relationship with nature and good vs. evil.


  18. Why is it that when my wife buys me a Rubbermade tool organizer for the garage that she anticipates some sort of orgazmophoric response from me, but when I buy her a vacuum cleaner for our new hard surface floors I am an insensitive pudknocker unworthy of affection and barely worth tolerating only because of my ability to provide manual labor and temporary child care? Answer that one friggin’ can o’ worms opening, sore spot finding, victim playing he got me a carpet cleaner, wha wha wha lady. No sympathy from me. Victor rocks. You go boy.

  19. My wife sent me to the store to pick up milk and not only did I not come back with milk, I managed to sign up to be an Amway Distributor and bought a timeshare in Jackson Hole Wyoming.

    Sending us men to go shopping is a bit like asking a blind man for directions to the Sunglass Hut.

    Chris’s last blog post..Ladies And Gentlemen, Step Right Up

  20. I totally thought those killer snakes were real until I spotted the fishing line on the toaster snake. Crap, now I want to make a crazy video and wear a mustache and battle off snakes while saving a sexy girl.

    Or get more coffee…

    mariah’s last blog post..We’re Improvisiong Over Here

  21. I’m thinking your husband doesn’t read your blog. Wouldn’t it be nice if husbands and boyfriends were like the internet and could gather all the hints and clues that we’ve given them to stuff we’ve recently looked at, so they could figure out what we want without us ever saying a single word! Every woman would be totally happy then!

    Christine’s last blog post..The Closer on TNT

  22. @ Todd Adamson

    That he looks like Ron Jeremy made it even worse. I can’t stand that guy. Even in his early films he just looks like he needs a shower. Ick! I don’t care if he’s hung, he’s just nasty looking.

  23. It’s like YouTube is just an extension of what I imagine being inside your brain is like….

  24. I totally got the DVD of the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in the discount bin at Kroger. Did he check Kroger?

  25. OMG! I am so turned on! I love Italian men, but one with a can of hairspray and a lighter has me close to the edge…

  26. All I ever get from YouTube is the latest Obama Girl videos, Raymi the Minx immitating Sarah Palin, and random porn. I love the random porn, but sometimes the ballbusting stuff gives me nightmares. Still, it just goes to show, if a girl is hot enough she can get a guy to put up with ANYTHING.

    Memphis Steve’s last blog post..An Open Letter to My Testicles by Barack Obama

  27. Oh, Italian Spiderman!! 5841 San Miguel Court, Indianapolis–I’ll pay for the cab (and I totally have the smokes.)
    Facts Known By Few and Cared About by Even Less: Peter Ostrum worked with my friend John Lormore, a vet in Lowville, New York (where I was born.) John retired a bit ago, so I don;t know if Peter kept the practice or not.
    p.s oh and yeah, he was still hot last time I saw him (those Viking genes hubba hubba…)
    WHOA! Re-reading this, SOMEBOODY needs to get their drunk on and get laid, y’all.

  28. wow. i like victor for seeing the remake for the schmutz it is. in which i mean no offense to schmutzie, of course, but she chose the name in the face of adversity so you know what i mean. the movie SUCKS SO HARD like a carpet cleaner.

    gwendomama’s last blog post..Sunday Monday Link Love

  29. Somewhat related: I just discovered David Bowie’s soundtrack to Labyrinth on my iPod. I did not put this there, but it’s there. Valentine’s Day came early this year…. and it looks like I’ve got to find a way to make love to an iPod.

    …hmm…. that looks a wee bit too small…

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