This could all end very, very badly

Hi.  If you are the adorable mommypie (or anyone who loves true romance) go here now and do not read the rest of this post. 

If you have been dumped, cheated on or recently destroyed by love do not go there.  Just stay here and look at this nice, comforting period .

Basically it’s a proposal.  Online.  Hosted on this chick’s blog.  And it’s entirely possible that this guy is a dangerous stalker and that this will all end very badly but honestly that’s what makes this all so fascinating.  And also because it’s beautiful/magical/memorable/la la la. 

PS.  Oh fuck, I screwed this up.  Apparently I was supposed to post something romantic about my own engagement.  I can sum up Victor’s proposal to me in three words: Taco Bell Drive-Thru.  Swear to God.

PPS.  Victor just informed me that ‘Drive-thru’ counts as two words even though it’s clearly hyphenated and then I stabbed him in the leg for correcting me.  And he’s all “The hell?!” And I’m like “I DID IT WITH LOVE.  There’s a whole rack of knives next to me and I chose a spork for God’s sake.  I’m trying to help you”.  Then he went to the readi-clinic down the street and I asked him to bring me some wine coolers on the way back and he screamed something obscene at me but I’m pretty sure that was the spork talking. 

I pretty much have the most successful marriage of anyone I’ve ever known.

Comment of the day: This story was like “Sleeping Beauty” only more stabby ~ Kurt

112 thoughts on “This could all end very, very badly

Read comments below or add one.

  1. When my hubby acts up I ever so calmly pull out his life insurance policy and start reading over it. I was smart and got the 2 year clause… ’cause you know suicides are way easier to ummm… nvm

  2. There are no words to express how much I love your blog, and all the actions would involve me taking off my pants.

  3. Can I stop staring at the period now? Finality depresses me even more than true romance

  4. My mom and dad were sitting in his parents’ house and his BROTHER came in and said, “Are you guys ever gonna get married?” and my dad looked over at my mom and said, “I don’t know, are we?” and my mom said, “Um, okay?”.

    Totally bullshit and bogus, they’re divorced.
    I am convinced that drive-thrus (totally one word, because hyphen=word linker! which means ONE! WORD! Duh, Victor) are the only way to go.

    Abby’s last blog post..Sometimes I think I’m psychotherapy-tastic.

  5. Hey Taco Bell drive thru is totally better than how I was proposed to. Let’s just say someone was very, very drunk one night and called me in the middle of the night to propose. While I was still in high school. So sweet. Nothing like having to call him the next morning and see if he even remembered what he did. Somehow I don’t think that is one story that we will share with our kids.

    ETA – Oh come on – it was only a spork, half the time those things break if you just look at them.

  6. True story. My husband proposed to me in a strip joint. In Humboldt County. The strippers in Humboldt County are the opposite of romantic. Try Toothless Wanda.

    Okay, but it wasn’t a strip joint until after he proposed. It was a restaurant then. Swear.

    AmyAnne’s last blog post..Yin and Yang

  7. That is a very efficient way to handle the hub. It’s not safe for hubby to piss me off in the kitchen these days…too many knives nearby.

    Who proposes online? That is lame. Hubby held out both his hands and told me to pick a hand. 🙂

    castocreations’s last blog post..I Made Pho

  8. Yeah, My proposal came after I found out I was pregnant. Romantic, huh?

    And I gave birth to a spork. It hurt.

  9. Dude, I was pregnant and he literally said, “well, do you wanna get married then?” And I answered “I guess so.”

    Whatever, those chicks that get the whole super romantic thing feel obligated to say yes or end up choking on the ring.

  10. I got our apartment bathroom when I was 7 months preggers. I would have killed for a Nacho Grande right about then. Instead I went out and ordered an $88 lobster that I couldn’t eat because my daughter had smashed my stomach into the size of a won ton. Man, I could go for some nachos right now…

  11. My hubby proposed to me after the pregnancy test was positive. I think a drive thru at Taco Bell would have been better because I Love Taco Bell almost as much as I love my hubby! Want any sauce with that? Hot, Mild or FIRE!!
    You’re so lucky!!
    Hugs!!

    Traceytreasure’s last blog post..More Thankfulness

  12. Taco Bell drive-thru…that’s just magical. You know I found part of burrito from there under my car seat, and I know it had been there at least a year. No decay! That has to be a good sign for marriage. Ours, on the other hand, was at the courthouse and the judge had “paintings” he’d done hanging on the wall. The one we stared at during vows was of Native Americans field dressing a bison. Taco Bell, though, that’s excellent, because you’re reminded of that special day when you drive down any strip-malled traffic artery in this great land.

    everysandwich’s last blog post..Discovering Ray Wylie Hubbard

  13. silly Victor – you’re right, it’s only one word if it’s hyphenated. You should get him one of those dog shock-collars for his next birthday or your anniversary. Buckle it tenderly around his neck. Then every time he contradicts you, or even questions your wisdom, just zap!

    Never use one on a dog, they’re inhumane.

    Sheila’s last blog post..natural born killers…

  14. I totally didn’t think I was going to survive the waiting…always with the waiting. Mommypie finally answered in the affirmative and they all lived happily ever after. Or they will.

    Will you be sending them a lovely wedding gift…perhaps a box of sporks? *lol*

  15. The boy is pretty cute, too – I’d say yes too, except that I already have a cute boy of my own.

  16. Wow, his proposal was as romantic as mine. It went something like this:
    him- “you know, if we got married, we could save more money.”
    me- “—-”
    him- “What do you think?”
    me- “Uhhhh, okay”.

    Or something equally as idiotic.
    in the scheme of things, i know the proposal doesn’t matter, but jeez, really????

    speaking of proposals…..I was on a helicopter ride in vegas this past weekend and a guy proposed to his girlfriend while flying over the strip. I was all ‘Awwwwww’ and my husband was ‘What? Did he just puke or something?’

    Danielle-Lee’s last blog post..Welcom to Procrastination Station…Next train leaves….Never?

  17. We were at Baskin Robbins. Actually driving away. Lamest proposal ever. The marriage is just as exciting.

  18. Well, we decided to get a divorce in the drive-thru at Hardee’s so I guess there is a balance to the universe.

  19. I’m the boy from Mommypie. She said yes. But you need to know that I had a back up plan. Taco Bell has hot sauce packets with “marry me” on the printed on ’em. My first thought was to hand mommypie a hot sauce packet over lunch. I guess this blog thing might have been even better than that. Thanks everyone!

  20. HOLY FRIGGING HELL do you know that they make titanium sporks?! I know this because I think sporks are pretty much the best thing ever invented and I refuse to eat my pintos and cheese with anything else. Even normal spoons just don’t cut it. If the drive-thru person forgets to give me a spork it’s ON. Like Donkey Kong. Til the break of dawn.

    Speaking of marriage proposals done via drive-thru, you know those sauce packets that say “Will You Marry Me?” on them? I threw one at my boyfriend once and he was like “Are you asking me?” and I was like “Hell NO” and he was like “I’m gonna propose to you with one of these. On one knee and everything.”

    It may very well be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.

    Samantha’s last blog post..HOLY SHIT I’M ON THE BLOGGESS’ BLOGROLL

  21. ‘Thru’ is not a word. Ever. The word is ‘through.’ And you can’t have a ‘thru,’ only a ‘drive-thru,’ so even that crappy word is one word hyphenated. I hate ‘thru,’ ‘site’ (other than web-), ‘nite,’ and ‘cheez.’ Ppl pls just lrn how 2 spell. U look like ID10Ts.

  22. My handsome Groom slipped me his ABC gum during our Wedding Kiss. Yeah, the big “You may now kiss the bride” kiss.

    You told him to do that, didn’t you?

  23. The love of my life proposed to me almost everyday since we met. I always told him I wouldn’t marry him until he paid his taxes. So he finally paid his taxes and then immediately went out and bought a ring and proposed to me on my lunchbreak. It was awesome!

  24. Dear Bloggess,

    Please stop linking to sites that link to other sites that are clearly false advertising. Mommypie links to Swap Mammas (http://www.swapmamas.com/) and well it is TOTALLY not what the name implies. If you do cease and desist I will be forced to send my spork army to deliver a terse letter.

  25. Aileah – The IRS might want to recruit you, just sayin’.

    Jenny what did you eat at Taco Bell? I sure hope he sprang for one of those combo meals at least.

    He’s a cheap bastard, but he’s your cheap bastard.

    Amy in OHio’s last blog post..Keeping up with the Obamas

  26. HA! I just wrote a blog about my engagement story after having someone at work tell me that I had the most unromantic proposal of anyone she’d ever met…I wanted to tell her to suck it, but I figure I’ll just stick to smuggly staring her down with the pretty diamond on my finger while she bitches about her series of ex-husbands.

    Being catty is fun.

    Kate’s last blog post..Story Time!!

  27. We got married after work on a Friday in our BDU’s (that’s camoflauge we were both in the Air Force)…the proposal was something like…
    me:”um honey, there’s two lines on the stick”
    him:”what stick?”
    me:”the one I just peed on”
    him:”I’ll see if I can get off work a little early tomorrow”
    15 years and counting though…LOL

    Amy Castellano’s last blog post..We have lift off….

  28. Pretty sure that Taco Bell should only count as one word. It IS a proper noun….. Just saying. You couldn’t use it in Scrabble…..

  29. Hahaha Girl you crack me UP! Thanks I needed that this morning. Taco Bell drive-thru? I think you have one free sporking left.

  30. Hey, better in a drive-thru than drunk like my hubby was when he proposed….from a bachelor party. Ah, good times.

  31. At night, in the rain, under a bus shelter. Cos I am all about using protection.
    27 years on and still madly in love. Well, still mad.

  32. I proposed she go fuck herself.

    She misinterpreted, and now we have been married for years.

    Horrible nightmares CAN come true.

  33. My husband came out of the closet to propose. It’s true. He went inside his stupid closet to find the ring. How about freaking a person out, he just disappeared into his closet.

    Came out, asked me to marry him.

    Me, I had a panic attack. Very afraid of commitment.

    Then we went to Target.

    True romance.

    DJ-Kelly-Kell-Kell’s last blog post..TV And The Modern Family

  34. I broke the rule and read the damn post even though I am a bitter divorcee. Now I just want to poke pencils in both eyes. Thanks Jenny — just awesome!

  35. does rubbing chaloopa sauce on your neck make Victor go wild?

    I chose the down on one knee boring approach. I think the conservative approach threw everyone totally off because I am a weird punk rock ex-surfer artist. Conventional was NOT in my playbook before that day. In one month we celebrate our 14th anniversary.

  36. I was purposed to twice….apparently. I was told that anyhow, I wasn’t conscious for the first one. I talk in my sleep, he didn’t know… I said yes though, twice. =P

  37. I’m think I’m gonna divorce my husband, so he can propose to me again. But maybe he needs to wait until 2010 until the next coolest social networking site comes out. Then he can be the first to do it that way. Then everyone will envy us and want to be us.

    WM’s last blog post..Lady feels like a …dude

  38. Your sporks are talking to you? Sounds like you’re drinking something a little stronger than wine coolers. Tell Kevin Kennedy I said hi.

  39. Jen,
    Have you thought about starting a personal advice column where people write in to you and and you help them with their problems?
    You seem like you’d be perfect for this sort of thing….
    Either that or a suicide help column where people who are suicidal write in to you and you help them with their problems.
    There are too goddamn many people anyway so this would also be I think a good match for your obvious talent,( if wearing wigs and exposing yourself to the neighbors can be counted as a talent –and I say unequivocally “…of course it can. Not everyone can do it.”) and I hope you give serious consideration to these ideas.
    The world needs you more than you need it, Jen. People are starving for sane, rational advice from someone who screams wisdom.

    Please, Jen, please?
    Cause I have this problem with a neighbor and I need some help with it…..

  40. I feel like there is a chick-flick in the making from this. A boy and a girl meet in the comments section of a blog, the entire blogosphere unites to bring them together. The wedding is vlogged.

    golublog’s last blog post..We Live in Public trailer

  41. I once proposed to myself and then consummated my burrito. I remember feeling extremely romantic because it rained and a sprig of cilantro got stuck in my partial dentures.

    Chef Keem’s last blog post..MyAlltop.com

  42. Meh, it ain’t no Taco Bell, but I’ll take it.

    😉

    Heh. I totally typed Taco BALL.

    I’m 12.

    Thanks so much for playing a part in what will no doubt be one of the most memorable days of my life, Jenny. Your awesomeness, it goes without saying.

    mommypie’s last blog post..This I know is true.

  43. Isn’t Taco Bell where they found the dismembered finger in the chili? OMG, how awesome would that be?:
    Victor: “Honey, I love you, will you take this ring in your chili as a sign of our lived together?”
    You: “Can you take it off the corpse-y finger first? k. thnx.”
    awe.some.

  44. The family that sporks together stays together. Or something. I suppose you could end up on Oprah or Dr Phil talking about domestic violence and plastic eating utensils or something. It’s really hard to say. Somehow I see you more as a likely guest on Jimmy Kimmel than Oprah. I don’t think Oprah would know quite what to do with you. Jimmy would have you jump on a trampoline in your undies.

    Memphis Steve’s last blog post..3 Traveling Salesmen

  45. I only wish I could publish how my hubby proposed to me! Suffice it to say, it was the middle of the night and not at the beautiful, intimate restaurant we had eaten at just hours earlier where he brought me flowers. I’m thinking he got cold feet early on – and I warmed ’em up later! lol

    Kari-Mel’s last blog post..So much for the change in schedule

  46. a. I believe (though admittedly could be totally wrong) that hyphenated words are considered one words. I believe this based on a very hazy recollection of Baulderdash rules. Although those could have been drunken made up rules. I think that still counts.

    b. when I think of sporks I immediately think of Taco Bell so good choice on weapon. It’s like a complete circle.

  47. That is not a comforting period!! There’s a space before it and that’s just not normal. Looking at it makes me twitch.

  48. OK, we aren’t officially married – damned prop 8 and all, but we did have a romantic proposal. Of course now, I have to make sure that the skinny and sweat is not rat poison each morning. That’s love – it keeps you on your toes.

  49. Mine was over the phone, international long distance…I had to call him back the next day to make sure I didn’t dream it. I didn’t change my facebook status for 6 months. ;b

  50. K, having a bloggess marathon at my house (is that weird?) and I started at the beginning, which I hadn’t done before. Two things… 1. It’s really annoying that when I pull up a month in the archives section that it lists the posts from last to first….

    2. My husband ”proposed” in an Arby’s drive-thru. If you count, ”hm, we should get married” as a proposal. We will be married 10 years in december and still no engagement ring. Not shitting you. (btw, shitting= addition in auto correct)

  51. My ex-husband proposed kneeling in a questionable puddle at an Arco gas station at 1 a.m. on July 5th (heading home from 4th-of-July-shennanigans)

    We ended up getting married the following April 1st

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