Stuff I’ve already forgotten I wrote


This week on my Sex Column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a total dick):

    This week on the internets:

    • Blogher asked me if I’d submit a video about Tropicana healthy breakfast tips and I did and like 4 seconds later they’re like “Oh. Crap.  We’ve made a terrible mistake.  We’re not using that topic after all”, but I’m fairly certain their real terrible mistake was in putting me on that mailing list to begin with.

    This week on shit-I-didn’t-write-but-wish-I did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

    The end.

    PS.  Post about meeting Nancy W. Kappes is coming.  Still trying to process it in my head, y’all.

    30 replies. read them below or add one

    1. So what if you said you had a mimosa for breakfast instead? Think that would have gone over better?

    2. I’m also trying to write my post about meeting Nancy W. Kappes… how do I even START that post?? I think that I’m going to need some vodka out of a water bottle and some “Judy Garland Trail Mix”… but not pot… because “pot is for fucking amateurs”.

    3. I laughed so hard at the Tropicana video that I almost cried. How did you keep your composure?

    4. Oh and I’m still singing Journey, and I don’t even need to poop. Thanks a lot.

    5. Judging from Amanda’s comment, I gotta go watch the Tropicana video!

    6. Judy Garland Trail Mix. I would eat it by the handful.

      Jesus help me. I can’t wait for the Nancy W. post.

    7. Wait…what about the racist cop and the tacos?

      Also, there’s a check-box below the comments but the comment-luv thing doesn’t seem to work. Have you broken the internets or is it just me?

    8. The Tropicana video may have converted me back to a breakfast eater…or drinker as it were, since I don’t have the same roadblocks as Hailey.

    9. Since I never ended up getting to meet you, the question of whether or not you are a real person is still up for debate. I hope you don’t take that too personally. Nancy W. Kappes is even farther into that territory.

      If you two would like to emerge from that limbo, then come on back to Chicago sometime and I promise to validate your existence. Deal?

    10. Steve Perry totally commented on your, “how to poop in a public bathroom” post.

    11. Wish i’d ben at blogher!
      going 2 check out ur other blog too!

    12. Well, if you could hear what Canadians say about Americans, you wouldn’t feel that sorry for them.

    13. WOW my breakfast is so unhealthy, no fruits, no vitamins… definitely need a screwdriver!

    14. Still trying to process meeting Nancy? Means some good shit is coming up. Any cops involved?

    15. What your thinking during sex

    16. Oops, my comment messed up! But I suppose I do think of myself during sex, too.

    17. The post about Chicago and seeing the world differently was beautiful. It was my favorite read of the day. Words, poured not from an empty glass, but but from a shape, full to the teeth of life. Soothing words that brightened, and flickered and … oh, what the heck I give up.

      it was a great post. thanks

      Rob B

    18. Damn, woman!! I wish I’d known about the public pooping post because I freaking couldn’t drop a load as long as I had roommates. But Sunday morning? Bliss. Which you probably didn’t actually want to know, but HEY, I’m a sharer!

      Meeting you was awesome, you were everything awesome in the world. XOXOX

      PS. count chocula is totally the bitch in that relationship.

    19. The Tropicana video is the best thing I’ve ever watched.

    20. Well if Tropicana didn’t like it you should send that link to Stoli. Or Eggo.

    21. I can’t believe i missed you……that was the one sad note from this whole magical weekend.


    22. What is wrong with those Tropicana people? I liked your obviously well planned out breakfast choices. This is why my orange juice of choice will always be Minute Maid

    23. Love your blog! You are awesome!

    24. […] and say hello?  Nah…I don’t think I can.  Just as I will never be able to walk up to The Bloggess and say hello to her […]

    25. Oh yeah…do I get to watch the Tropicana video anyway cause I think that would be awesome.

    26. I love the Tropicana video, I laughed so hard I almost choked on my French fries.

    27. I met Nancy (holy fuck she’s real), people thought I was you, we hung out in the bathroom, and you gave me a kick ass nickname. Did this really happen or was this weekend a part of some weird ass dream?
      .-= Brittany´s last blog ..How my plane home was lost- Twitter style. =-.

    28. Thanks, I’m singing Journey and laughing like a mad woman. No wonder the neighbors don’t talk to me.
      .-= Sarcastica´s last blog ..September =-.

    29. This is what my work web filter said about your column…Guess that answers that question about my boss.

      You have tried to access a web page which is in violation of the *Company name here* Internet Usage Policy.

      Category: Adult Materials
      .-= Mr. Quirkyblogger´s last blog ..Mondays mean miscellany…and whatever. =-.

    30. 30
      Lady Penelope

      ‘Kay, so I’m at work typing a legal document that’s being dictated to me by my boss and he pauses way too long so I click open the little internet window that I have minimised and start to read your blog – as you do – and I see there is a link to your sex column, so I click that link too ‘cos the boss is still ‘thinking’ and I start to read the Top 40 list and am trying so hard not to laugh that tears start falling down my cheeks and I begin mild bodily convulsions and my boss finally notices and asks me what my problem is and I just say that I find the term ‘rent’ really funny but he’s not buying it and starts laughing at me trying not to laugh and asks me to read out what I found that was so funny ‘cos we could both be laughing, so I had to read your sex column. Out loud. To my boss.

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