There was almost a serial killer at our party. Like, at least one. But there were like 800 people there so statistically there could have been more. I don’t really know serial killer statistics.

Remember how last post I mentioned that Chris Mann was coming to perform at the People’s Party tonight and that it would probably be awkward because I once accidentally told him that he reminded me of a serial killer?  Honestly, he’s like identical to Sylar from Heroes ,who actually is a serial killer, or possibly might not be any more since I stopped watching after season one.  But basically to me they are the exact same person and I’m shocked that I’m the first one to bring this up because of all the evidence.:

sylar1 chris 1

sylar1 chris 2

sylar3 chris3

sylar4

chris4

sylar1 chris 1

Moral: If you’re going to be a musician you should make sure there’s not a serial killer out there that looks like you, or maybe kill him before he gets popular. The serial killer that is. No one is advocating killing Chris Mann because honestly when you ask a famous musician if you can take a picture of them licking your head so you can post about how much they remind you of a serial killer and they’re all “Oh.  Yeah, of course” it’s a sign that they are completely awesome or totally high.  Possibly both.

PS. Contrary to popular belief, Nancy W. Kappes (Paralegal) was totally at the People’s Party and was not imaginary.  More to come.

Comment of the day: LISTEN, JENNY, I am NOT making this shit up, but I saw Idina Menzel in concert in Louisville and Chris Mann opened for her, and while we were all waiting for Idina to come out at the end, Chris Mann came out and chitchatted and was really awesome. (The story gets better, I promise.) And then he was chitchatting with my friends, and I said something innucuous like, “Do you want me to take a picture?” and Chris Mann turns to me and goes, “Did you just say ‘Big Black Whores’?” NO CHRIS MANN, I DID NOT, NOT EVEN CLOSE, and you don’t even know me well enough to know that I MIGHT say something like that. BUT I DIDN’T. Where did that come from Chris Mann? WHERE?!?!

PS. He was (is, I’m sure) a really delightful performer though. Just slightly hard of hearing. ~ emmysuh

87 thoughts on “There was almost a serial killer at our party. Like, at least one. But there were like 800 people there so statistically there could have been more. I don’t really know serial killer statistics.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I’m totally choking here at the thought of being the first commenter on a Bloggess post for the first time ever, so much so that I bet someone else will jump in ahead of me while I’m here dithering.

    Anyway, this guy must be pretty cool, or else people often ask him to lick their heads. Or maybe he just does it to people a lot anyway. Maybe Sylar was modeled on him? But if you asked him, he’d lie. They paid him well enough for that.

    Sorry I missed Nancy Kappes– will she be there tomorrow? (i.e. later today, after I sleep)

  2. I love Zachary Quinto, he could cut open my head an lick my brains. I’d be ok with that…just so long as he waggles his eyebrows at me while he does it. *swoon*

    P.S. I have no idea what the little check box is for at the bottom of the page, but I’m gonna go ahead and be a rebel, and leave it checked. That’s rebellious right? Meh.

  3. Wow – where is everyone?! Oh, that’s right. Blogher. Dammit, I knew there was a reason I didn’t want to live in New Zealand. At least I can live vicariously through. Or Nancy, but I don’t think she’d take kindly to that.

  4. If you are a serial killer, you should go and become a famous musician and then get all pissed off when people compare you to the serial killer that actually IS you. No one would ever suspect you, because you’re a famous musician! In fact, they’d probably be all sorry for you having some serial killer doppelganger out there effing with your image. It’s the perfect cover!
    Be careful, I think that Chris Mann actually is a serial killer.
    Also, I don’t know this because I’m a serial killer posing as a famous musician. I’m just really smart.

  5. I’m telling myself that I really WANT to be here at home about to go to BJ’s to grocery shop.

    Oh, sure, BlogHer has you, Nancy,booze and serial killing head licking musicians…but does it have soft hot (well, warm-ish) pretzels?

    Yeah. That’s what I thought…

    Not bitter or green with envy in the least,
    Ri
    xoxoxox

  6. I’m so glad you weren’t hiding in the bathroom – I doubt even the most accommodating serial killer/musician would have ventured in there to lick your head!

    P.S. I hope there will be pictures of Nancy W. Kappes (Paralegal).

  7. I , too , am not a serial killer statistician, but I figure there is a possibility that Nancy Kappes (paralegal) could be a serial killer.

  8. Isn’t this like a sign of the apocolypse or something? You, Nancy and a serial killer all in one place together? It’s like the Perfect Storm of Blogging!

    Also, how do you spell apocolypse?

  9. Wow, the likeness is … um, a likeness. Seriously, he must be cool if he tried to lick your head. Cause only the cool guys wanna do that.

  10. So if a celebrity licks your head he’s cool, and when I do it I’m just some freak in the vegetable aisle. That’s kind of bullshit.

  11. Sounds like there is a lot of trail mix going around there I could use a handful myself today. Sadly I am just a fucking amateur. Rock that wig Jenny !

  12. Ha ha! The last pair of pics are totally awesome. You know who else Chris Mann looks like? The video recording boy in American Beauty. The one with the plastic bag. In fact, Mira Tinylittlecheerleader whatsherface, actually calls him a serial killer, in the movie. So that’s even more evidence.

  13. OK- you’re giving all kinds of conflicts. I love the LOLCats, you know, but Quinto is gorgeous…and for some reason that picture of him with the cat is totally hot. Now I don’t even know WHO I AM!

    Thanks alot!

  14. Nancy – fuckin’ – W. – fuckin’ – Kappes!!!!!

    More to come?

    I bet you two plan to turn into serial killers all Natural Born Killers-like and then blog the corpses. People wouldn’t hate on you two at all and would willingly let you guys machete them. Who wouldn’t want to get offed by Jenny and Nancy??!!

  15. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, he’s YUMMY! He can lick my head anytime. I mean…. uh, yeah.

  16. I meant Chris Mann, not the serial killer dude. Unless Chris Mann IS a serial killer dude, or THE serial killer dude’s twin brother or something. Then I’d prefer he not lick me at all… unless that’s just his way of showing affection, kind of like my cat. But if he’s also a serial CAT killer, then the deal is totally off because I love cats more than really hot possibly serial killer musicians.

  17. Okay, I’m admitting I have no life, but my first thought this morning was, I wonder if there’s a Nancy W. Kappes (Paralegal) post up yet? Before coffee, even. Please. Help a girl with no life out. Thx.

  18. Chris Mann is totally hotter than Sylar. Sylar’s eyebrows need attention. Well done on the posts at Blogher though, I can’t WAIT for more!

  19. How are you still sober and conscious enough to post. There must not have been enough free booze this year! You must try much harder. Get hammered and share some Nancy love!

  20. OMFG Nancy W. Kappes (Paralegal) is at Blogher?!?!?! Why the fuck am I not there? And how can I get there in the next few hours to see the pure awesomeness that will be made as a direct result of you and her in the same room? Damn it. I wish I could just apparate already.

  21. I saw you so briefly last night, and I want to hang out with you. But I also get that you may not want to actually “hang out” with me because I make myself anxious so I almost certainly make other people anxious, especially someone who (evidence in your blog leads me to believe) is already prone to anxiety. So, uh, maybe we shouldn’t hang out after all.

    I also just realized that putting “hang out” in quotes like that makes it sound like I mean some illicit sexual act. No wonder I increase everyone’s anxiety – I’m creepy.

  22. “Sounds like there is a lot of trail mix going around there I could use a handful myself today.”

    Is it some of that special Appalachian Trail Mix like that governor got? I’d be totally down with that.

  23. oh my gosh, when I saw him perform at BlissDom09, I totally thought he looked like Sylar and everyone said I was crazy! I’m so glad someone else thinks it too! 🙂

  24. Zachary Quinto makes the only case in the last 2 decades for developing raunchy Star Trek-costume fantasies. Perhaps even an old Picard, New Spock threesome! Beam me UP!!

    sorry for taking it off-track, I don’t watch Heroes. Neither do I even like Star Trek. Or Star Wars. My husband makes me watch it on his birthday. It’s less tiring than the other options…..

  25. I’m sorry, what, were you saying (typing) something…. oh- see I was busy shorting out my keyboard with drool…

    Serial killer or not- that man is eye candy!! 😛

  26. Oh hells yeah. Zachary Quinto would totally kill you in your sleep. He scared me just playing Spock, and I don’t think that was supposed to happen.

  27. On your Follow Me on Twitter icon that horseman looks like he has a weird penis thing instead of two arms… I laughed… and then realized I was a sicko who enjoys mythical creature porn… oh well **sigh**

  28. Spending the night with you and Nancy was seriously one of the best nights I’ve ever had. That sounded kinda sad… I mean, I’ve had some great nights in my life, but hanging out with the two of you in the bathroom at the Sheraton is totally in the top 7. Or maybe even top 6.

  29. If I didn’t know how, umm, not as tall as you might think he was, I’d say he looks like Rupert Everett in the last shot.

  30. Maybe he’s Sylar’s twin. You know, he’s the good twin and Sylar’s the bad one. That would explain all the soft lighting in his photos.

  31. OMG now I understand all those tweets! (I had no idea who chris mann was before this) and you’re right, he’s just like Sylar.

    And, yes, he rocks. And also, you rock for being like the only person at BlogHer who is faithfully updating. You totally ROCK.

  32. Despite the fact that I am fully aware of your wig collection, I totally thought to myself, “Damn, who’s Jenny’s sexy blonde friend? Fail.

  33. This picture series is quite awesome. But here’s the thing, I met Chris Mann at Blissdom and I just want to know what Ben Stiller does with his wife and kids and his famous parents when he’s out being Chris Mann? Are they in on the secret or what?

    And hey – you coming to the next Blissdom?

  34. You know how some musicians have groups of crazy fans with stupid nicknames? Well maybe their ‘thing’ is getting him to pretend to lick their heads in pictures? That’s why he was so keep to comply.

    Actually, I think I’m gunning for the ‘high’ option.

    Seriously, that wig is sexy.

  35. You are very impressive for figuring out how to find time to write a post at all while at BlogHer. That’s something I could not manage to do. But I did like quietly waving to you across crowded rooms and pretending that you totally knew who I was. Which some people might call stalking, but I like to think of as being sociable.

  36. I am SOOOOOO impressed that you were able to apprehend that dangerous serial killer ALL BY YOURSELF !!!!!!!!!
    Usually it takes a SWAT team and the FBI and tons of gun-wielding mercenaries . . . . . and here you are, just li”le ol’ you, holding him until the authorities can arrive.

    You never fail to amaze me.
    btw, Who did Kappes apprehend?!?!?!——I bet she took down a shitload of bloggertypes, eh.
    As hostages, prob’ly. Ransom bait. Bargaining chips. Social Leverage.
    Nance is that kind of woman.

    Hope you all had a great time.
    And you should have won for “Funny Shit Not Capable Of Genrefication”. . . . we had you down for that.

  37. LISTEN, JENNY, I am NOT making this shit up, but I saw Idina Menzel in concert in Louisville and Chriss Mann opened for her, and while we were all waiting for Idina to come out at the end, Chris Mann came out and chitchatted and was really awesome. (The story gets better, I promise.) And then he was chitchatting with my friends, and I said something innucuous like, “Do you want me to take a picture?” and Chris Mann turns to me and goes, “Did you just say ‘Big Black Whores’?” NO CHRIS MANN, I DID NOT, NOT EVEN CLOSE, and you don’t even know me well enough to know that I MIGHT say something like that. BUT I DIDN’T. Where did that come from Chris Mann? WHERE?!?!

    PS. He was (is, I’m sure) a really delightful performer though. Just slightly hard of hearing.

  38. I thought the lowered head and direct gaze was supposed to be suggestive, not dangerous. Did I get MY signals crossed!
    (And yes, he is a real delight to meet in person. But then again, so are you!)

  39. I’m from a third world country which means I have no idea who Chris Mann is which means to the whole of South Africa he’s pretty much that guy from heroes who eats cheerleaders. Wait. Is this the internet?

  40. Looks like you’ve got a pretty strong case there — lots of photographic evidence 🙂 PS The photo of Sylar w/ the kitten is awesome.

  41. They DO LOOK JUST ALIKE as do you and the young girl (Hayden Paniterre?) It’s hard to tell if the last set are two different photos or the same one repeated!

  42. I am really disappointed in this post. Because I was expecting some apology for some Truly Heinous Behavior that you did at that blogher thing. I hope you don’t mean to tell me that you behaved yourself like a grownup, because that would mean I no longer have someone to compare myself to that makes me feel like I’m not as bad as everyone thinks.

  43. First, even though she’s turned me into some kind of weird paralegal paparrazi/stalker/crazed fan (not unlike some of your many other commenters except they seem to be way cooler and much funnier, probably ’cause they’re not paralegals), I’m not even gonna mention Nancy W. Kappes (Paralegal) – oops – in this comment because you look such much like Hayden Panettiere in that wig that I’m wondering if I go buy one, can I relive age 21, except famous, rich and much cuter than I actually was, and without a 31 year old boyfriend. Plus, your pictures have convinced me that Zachary Quinto and Chris Mann are really the same dude. So, I can’t help but wonder if you’re going to post a picture soon of Nancy W. Kappes (Paralegal) – oops – licking your head at Blogher.

  44. Where can I get bloggess stickers? This is important. Really, I need to stick them everywhere. Spread joy, not VD! 🙂 that’s my motto!

  45. I never expected to open up your feed and see super hot serial killer Sylar staring at me. 5 times even. damn.

  46. You’re right, he is a Sylar double. Creeepy. I hope he doesn’t murder MooshInIndy for her crush on him.

    I was looking for Nancy W. Kappes all night. I have no idea how I missed her, except for the fact I have no idea what she looks like because some how it didn’t strike me to ask you when you told me she was coming.

  47. HOW AM I JUST NOW SEEING THIS POST! AMAZING. IF YOU DON’T KNOW ME…I’M CHRIS. THOUGH I GET SYLAR AND BEN STILLER ALL THE TIME. HMMM. HOW ABOUT DAVID BECKHAM OR GEORGE CLOONEY? NO? NO? SH*T. I’M A SINGER SINCE SOME OF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO I AM–I HAVE AN EP COMING OUT ON 8.11 ON ITUNES ETC. AND I LOVE LICKING THE BLOGGESS’ HEAD. NUF SAID. (@iamchrismann on twitter, chrismannmusic.com, facebook.com/chrismannmusic) werd.

  48. OMG… I know this post is so last month but I had to comment because I thought he looked like Sylar too!!

    I tweeted him about it when I got home from Blogher- but he didnt respond so I thought— ah, must be just me…

    but he totally has that Sylar stare thing down— it was dead on in the dark lounge at Bowlher for sure…. at the same time, Im a bit of a twisted individual and find the sylar stare a lil hott lol…

    I never claimed to be sane. ha

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