So I just read on twitter that today is National Happy Friendship Day and I’m all “Wow. That must be new because no one’s ever mentioned it to me before” but then it turns out it’s been around since 1935. Conclusion: You guys are assholes.
Updated: It’s just been pointed out that Friendship Day has been around since 1935 and I’ve never actually wished someone a Happy Friendship Day either. Touché, internets.
So to make up for this horrific oversight I made you a card. You’re welcome.
Updated again: It’s just been drawn to my attention again that this isn’t really much of a Friendship Day card but you can’t really blame me because I’m an orphan.
Updated X 3: Okay, I’m not really an orphan in the standard sense of the word. I meant more like an orphan of Friendship Day. Because I’ve been abandoned and never learned to love.
Updated X 4: Okay, yes, technically I do know how to love. That was more hyperbole than anything else. Please stop questioning me. I’M EMOTIONALLY FRAGILE RIGHT NOW, BASTARDS.
Updated X 5: Wow. That was totally uncalled for. I’m so sorry. Seriously, it’s not you. It’s me. I’m going to go lie down for a bit. This is the worst Friendship Day ever. That I’m aware of. Although I only learned it existed a few minutes ago so I could be wrong. There were probably worse ones during the holocaust. Oh, awesome. Now I can’t stop thinking about the holocaust.
Updated X 6: Can we just kill Friendship Day and come up with something less likely to make me want to stab myself? Like maybe “Happy Thank-God-we’re-still-not-having-a-holocaust-at-least-that-I’m-aware-of Day” or “Happy I’m-glad-I’ve-still-got-both-my-eyes Day”? Because I like that better. Now I’m going to force Victor to take me to eat all the eggrolls I can stomach because that’s how we celebrate “Happy Thank-God-We-Don’t-Have-Pet-Fish-Anymore-Because-Holy-Shit-That-Was-A-Hassle Day” in our house.
Comment of the day: I thought it was Happy-Sorry-My-Snake-Ate-Your-Hamster-And-Then-I-Stepped-On-That-Snake-And-Your-Nearly-Digested-Hamster Day.
I better call my brother back and amend that phone message. ~ Mr Lady