It’s called “entrapment”, Target.

in no one thinks this is funny but me, Random Crap, rants, this blog cures cancer

Remember last week when I innocently took a picture of some confusing Diet Dr Pepper in Target and then days later it created a huge international incident of angry people who don’t understand satire?  Me too.  So today when I was at Target I looked toward the shelf where the infamous Diet Dr. Pepper had been and found that it had been replaced.   With this:

It's pronounced exactly how you think it's pronounced.

This is when I realized that Target is obviously just fucking with me.

No, Target.  Sorry. Not falling for it.  I’m not even going to touch your bawls.

Comment of the day:  OMG…just went to Bawls website to see where to find it besides Target, and it listed all the chains…

You can get blue Bawls at Kum & Go. ~ Markira

133 thoughts on “It’s called “entrapment”, Target.”

Read comments below or add one.

  11. I kinda want that right now.

    Except that it makes me think I will get so caffeinated on it and sugar high, that I’ll become a crazy bawling mess.

    Or I’ll inexplicably want to go bawling.
    .-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..Dear Mr. Salinger: =-.

  14. I haven’t seen the root beer. I have a case of the blue Bawls here at work. (I couldn’t resist and I really do. Got it from Thinkgeek.)

  18. I come from Australia, and we are a pretty liberal bunch. But even I cringed when I saw that name. I mean that’s a pretty blatant spelling mistake. There is clearly no w in the word balls. I really hope someone gets at least yelled at for not spell checking.

  19. I am one my way out to Target as soon as I finish typing this. I haven’t touched anyone’s bawls in so long. I now blame *you* for making me venture outside. Where there are people. And I will not be escorted. I’m almost positive my Christmas restraining order is no longer valid.

  20. you tell em blogess. While I’m here I’d like my own little commercial rant – there are two cough syrups for sale in boots, ‘Tickly cough’ and ‘Dry Cough’ … Want to know the difference between the two syrups?

    Nada – It turns our they have exactly the same ingredients (ie: are identical liquids) yet are sold as solving two different cough-based problems.

    I tell you – I was only total apathy that stopped me penning a stiff letter to the Daily Mail
    .-= plooptionary´s last blog ..Comfort makes me very uncomfortable =-.

  21. “Some bawls are held for charity
    And some for fancy dress
    But when they’re held for pleasure
    They’re the bawls that I like best”

  22. We should suggest some new marketing taglines:

    “Put some Bawls in your mouth today!”

    “Are those Bawls in your hand or are you just happy to see me?”

    “Pick up some Bawls today. Now available in 24 ounces.”

    “You haven’t lived until you’ve swallowed some Bawls.”

    “Warning: Do not shake Bawls or it may explode in your hand.”

    I’m going to categorize this under ‘Shit I should have thought of first’ and just call it a day.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Doggone Excuses =-.

  23. highly caffeinated bawls?

    christ. just what women need…..for bawls to be more obnoxious and erratic.

    thanks target. ya fucks.

  24. So since that box right there is torn a little on top, I think you should go up to an employee and say “YOUR BAWLS ARE TOR’ UP!!” and then just walk away. Perhaps walk into the cat toy section and just stare a while. I think it’ll go over really well. Trust me.
    .-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Dear James Cameron =-.

  26. I’ve taken the time to research Bawls thoroughly for you. What I’ve found out is that the company that owns Bawls 9TM)(R)(INC) is called Hobarama (which sounds like Hobo-rama) and that,

    Hobarama wants you to feel as if you were a “bawl” of energy. The company makes BAWLS Guarana, a nonalcoholic energy drink made from the Brazilian guarana plant, which is said to contain a potent form of caffeine. Since making its debut in 1996, BAWLS has become popular with video game players and in the extreme sports scene; the drinks are distributed in more than 30 states. Hobarama also makes a sugar-free version called BAWLS Guarana Exxtra, a root beer version, and a cherry version. In addition the company sells Guarana branded t-shirts and glasses.

    From this, I decided to research guarana, which led me to:
    Guarana plays an important role in Tupi and Guaraní Brazilian culture. According to a myth attributed to the Sateré-Maué tribe, guarana’s domestication originated with a deity killing a beloved village child. In order to console the villagers, a more benevolent god plucked the left eye from the child and planted it in the forest, resulting in the wild variety of guarana. The god then plucked the right eye from the child and planted it in the village, giving rise to domesticated guarana.[5]

    Which leads me to the conclusion that Bawls is made from childrens’ organs and theoretically should make you feel like you’re on speed and is made by a company catering to hobos. You’re welcome.
    .-= Vicki´s last blog ..This Tu B’Shvat, I’m buying a donkey and a plane ticket to Haifa =-.

  29. Wait, “bawl” is like “I’m crying really really hard right now,” right? I think they’re trying to sell you Sumo Wrestler tears. And that’s a whole other post.

  32. From their FAQ… 

    Q: Why is it called BAWLS?
    A: We decided to name the drink BAWLS because of the BOUNCE that the drink packs!

    Not really helping.
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..#123 Lizard King =-.

  33. more like sexual harassment! if i brought my “bawls” in to target i would be escorted out. this is a blatant miscarriage of justice! we should do something about it… we need to tell lance armstrong! *he* would know what to do!

    ps i don’t have bawls. i *could* arrange for there to be some bawls in target if i so chose. i’m like a magician.

  34. My ex was a video game nerd, and those dweebs LOVE Bawls. They would have all-night parties, just a bunch of dorks playing with their blue Bawls for hours.

  35. Hope they bring it to Canada, I am tired of sucking on those fishermans’ friend, be a nice change to suck back a few bawls

  39. Okay…. bawls is fucking awesome. So, happy targets carries it… Now shutup and put some bawls in your mouth. And… it surprisingly tastes good.
    .-= mepsipax´s last blog ..Ifuck =-.

  40. Bawls have been around for a while, predominantly over at Thinkgeek, which pretty much proves they’re developed to be hilariously juvenile and highly caffeinated. Thinkgeek has an entire section of caffeinated products (including gum, mints, and soap; yes, soap). Standard Bawls are, of course, blue. Guarana super-caffeinated root beer is a new one to me.

    Though I do think that particular Target is totally fucking with you.

  41. there are so many disturbing things about this beverage, where does one start?

    the reference to testicles?…wtf is guarana?

    pretty soon we’ll find “vagina juice” on the shelves of target. it’s called NO BOUNDARIES, people. clearly target has elected itself to be at the forefront of mankinds new moral compass.

    i think walmart would be more frightening, though…even with their roll back prices.

    andrea

  49. I would be afraid to carry those bottles home. You know they might break. What could I use to protect my Bawls? Oh I know, a cup.
    .-= William´s last blog ..Blind Spot =-.

  51. I’m one of those video game folks and I’ve been a fan of Bawls since they came out. Yes, the name is part of the fun. The blue bottle is also part of the fun. It also turns out that Bawls is delicious. My wife used to buy it by the case at Costco, but I drank it too fast and it got too expensive. Seriously. She likes the diet Bawls mentioned in the informative post by Vicki. We drank them during paper-and-pencil gaming sessions (Worlds Of Darkness for those who care).

    It’s a drink made by people with a sense of humor for other people with a sense of humor and it also happens to be yummy.

    My suggested Bawls slogan: “Don’t knock ’em ’till you’ve tried ’em.”

  56. I found this several months ago and have been waiting for an opportunity to use it…
    “Weird. My bawls smell like hands.”
    Hahahahahahaha!

  64. Frankly, if I were you, I would be totally pissed! Oooooh, I get it Target! I can’t touch your “bawls” until I lose weight with your “diet/possibly-not-diet” drinks! WELL SCREW YOU, YOU SUPERFICIAL BASTARD! I’m gonna go eat ice cream and make out with WalMart!
    .-= HannahBanana´s last blog ..WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO QUALITY?!?! =-.

  65. Dammit…Monica beat me to the bottle.

    I first became aware of Bawls when I worked at Borders many years ago. We carried it in the cafe and it was quite popular with the overnight stock crew. I always wondered about the little bumps all over the bottle. I’m sure there’s probably some crazy insertion photos on the internet somewhere that utilize a Bawls bottle.

    I will say this…I like Bawls waaaaaaaaaaaaay more than Red Bull.
    .-= Bad Guy Zero´s last blog ..Reaction To Today’s iPad Announcement =-.

  67. My boyfriend is from Brazil and is living back down there for a bit. I went to visit him and tried a guarana drink. Sadly, mine was not Bawls; it was called Guarana Antartica. I preferred to call it Guarana-Tastes-Like-Ass. I may go back down there in March and I will tell my boyfriend to bring on the Bawls. Because in my opinion, nothing compares to a nice moment enjoying some Brazilian Bawls.

  76. So, this is essentially a drink made from a tree that was sprouted from a Brazilian child’s eyeballs? That is just too fucked up, Hobarama. They should just stick with dead hobo fingers for operating your iphone. It’s less controversial.

  78. Windsor Grace: I think you’re right. That does sound like a name someone came up with while they were high. I mean, seriously! There’s a carpet/flooring company near where I live & the slogan is, “We Lay Only the Best.” All I can think is that guy thought that slogan up in high school & was determined to go into a business where he could use it legally as an advertising campaign!!!

    Ah, Bloggess, how would we know what new products to look for w/o you?? Keep up the crack investigative work, no matter what Victor says!!

  79. You’re right not to comment on this. The jokes are too obvious. Good for you for not picking the low-hanging fruit.

  80. Oh, Target definitely wants you to touch their Bawls. Their entire corporate structure is built around that fact.

    What I don’t get about the Diet Dr. Pepper is that, if it’s diet, why the hell put it in such small cans? Because what would it matter if you had a full can?
    .-= Busted Kate´s last blog ..Show & Tell (From the Stirrup Queens) =-.

  83. I’m still laughing that one commenter found out they have CHERRY BAWLS! Holy Hell. Although, I like my Bawls a bit more experienced, thanks.

  87. On the bright side, they’re making drinking bawls a positive thing. “Look, you can get a burst of energy if you drink bawls.”

    As opposed to “look, you get a mouthful of laundry detergent if you drink bawls.”

    Just sayin.

  91. What would have been better is if they would have replaced it with the blue Bawls drink. Yeah – that’s right – BLUE. Weird…and yet delicious. it still feels wrong when you drink it, especially with the bottle all nubbly like that. It’s almost like they don’t want you to drink it in public. THE SHAME!

  92. Pingback: Every vote counts. Unless it’s in the Shorty Awards. — TheBloggess.com

  94. I have Bawls before I get up and before I fall asleep. Bawls are the bookends for my day.

  96. Back when I was in high school I used to hang out at this place called Ground Zero Networks, they called it a “permanent LAN party”. Basically a bunch of computers running on a network so you could pay for time to play games with other nerds. They had it decorated like it was a bunker and it was really dark and had blacklights and there was always at least 3-7 gamers in there. (The place smelled GREAT, let me tell you.) Anyway, they sold BAWLS, and at the time it was the popular energy drink so everyone was drinking it.

    So, to make a long story short (too late), one day my mother heard me, her sixteen-year-old, straight-A student daughter, telling my friend I had a huge craving for BAWLS. That… took some explaining.

  97. Bawls ROOT BEER?!?!?

    Must…have….BAWLS!!!

    FYI…If you’re drinking something to keep you awake. Sipping on these BAWLS will really make you giddy.

    ..just sayin’. I’ve been drinking BAWLS for over a decade.
    .-= Tony´s last blog ..A thing of beauty… =-.

  105. in Australia we’ve got caffeinated beverages called ‘mother’ and ‘monkey’. after hearing about ‘bawls’ i’m thinking you could mix the three together and have a nice glass of “mother monkey bawls”…

  106. Purely co-incidental that in Australian …..
    Root (verb and noun) : synonym for f*ck in nearly all its senses: “I feel rooted”; “this washing machine is rooted”; “(s)he’s a good root”. A very useful word in fairly polite company.

    +Bawls???

  111. i’ve never had the root beer kind, but the original bawls (the ones in the blue bottle) are actually really good. and it never gets old walking around and shouting “THESE BAWLS IN MY MOUTH ARE SO TASTY!”

  112. That’s not bawls, like testicles, it’s bawls like, “With both arms in a cast, I was in a fix. My bawls itched so bad and I couldn’t get my scratch on. I finally just sat down and bawled!”

    It’s actually bottled baby bawling tears.

  113. yaaayyyY! bawls is awesome! regular bawls though. not fucking root beer, cherry, or sugar free. no, you need regular sugared bawls. thems the best. you must go back to target and buy ALL the cases. and maybe some whip cream and gloves, just to make the cashier uncomfortable.
    .-= holly´s last blog ..i could be a doctor. =-.

  114. I thought guarana was bat poop, I remembered that bit of trivia from Ace Ventura Pet Detective, so I was all freaked out they were not only calling their stupid drink Bawls but they were serving bat poop as well. Then I googled it and turns out bat poop is guano, so obviously I didn’t pay that good of attention to the Ace Ventura movie and they aren’t serving bat poop to people which I guess is a good thing, but then there still is that problem of the dumb name for their drink, maybe “This Is Not Bat Poop” would have been a better name and then people like me wouldn’t get so confused. Wow that was a lot of work for a Saturday I have to rest now!

  122. I remember seeing a drink that looked a lot like that, with the same name, in our campus convenience store in college….this was around 2000-2002. but if i remember correctly, the bottles were BLUE then…haha.

  123. Believe it or not, Bawls is actually –in my opinion– one of the best tasting energy drinks on the market, and it’s been around for over a decade now. The root beer flavor is new; the bottle I use to buy was blue. Thus, it was blue Bawls. I’m not sure that was an accident.

  127. Couldn’t you just hear the conversation if someone was drinking this? “Hey, what’s that you’re drinking?” “Oh this? It’s Bawls! Haven’t you had Bawls before? Haven’t you heard of Bawls before?” “Dude…you’re drinking Bawls? hehehehe…snort!”

    That’s funny!
    .-= Dionne´s last blog ..Let me rephrase that………. =-.

  128. You can get blue Bawls at Kum & Go.

    When Kum & Go and In & Out finally meet, it will be Bawls to the wall!

  129. Dude, we have a Kum & Go in my town and I giggle like a teenager whenever I see it. My friends don’t seem to think it’s funny, even my 20-y.o. brother doesn’t see the problem: HOW CAN THEY NAME A GAS STATION Kum & Go!? I’m so pleased that my giggles are validated 🙂
    .-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Changes =-.

  132. Pingback: It’s like they’re just doing it on purpose now. — TheBloggess.com

  133. holy shit, I was just going through some of your old blogs and stumbled upon this GEM!
    this is the most hilarious thing I’ve read all week!
    kum & go hahahha

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