It’s like they’re just doing it on purpose now.

Remember a few weeks ago when I fell into a shitstorm because of Dr. Pepper and then the next week the questionable Dr. Pepper was missing and instead that shelf was covered in Bawls?

I just got back from Target.  The bawls have been removed.  They’ve been replaced with nuts.

I couldn't even make this shit up, y'all.

Honestly, it’s like the magical shelf of things-to-make-Jenny-suspect-she’s-being-videotaped.

And I actually went and looked for the Bawls since so many people said I should try them but I couldn’t find them anywhere and when the clerk asked me if I need help I said “Um…I’m looking for bawls?” and he said “Like, tennis balls?” and then I said “Yes.  Exactly like tennis balls” because I couldn’t even make myself say “No.  I’m looking for the kind of bawls you drink” and I considered pulling out my phone to just show him the picture I’d taken of their bawls last week but it seemed even more awkward to ask someone to wait while you scroll through your camera-phone photos to find the one you’d taken of their bawls.  I’m sure all the people at Target had a great laugh about this later since they are obviously doing this on purpose just to fuck with me.

Comment of the day: Lowe’s does the exact same kind of thing! Evidently, if you you want to re-caulk your tub, you need caulk softener to remove the old caulk. Because no one likes old caulk, right? The caulk is right where you’d expect, but caulk softener is not. So then you have to find someone and tell them “I have caulk, but I need caulk softener.” Awesome. And then go into a little group and laugh at you (really) and then they call ahead to the caulk-softener aisle, and those folks are already laughing at you when you get there. True story. ~ BonnieAnn

95 thoughts on “It’s like they’re just doing it on purpose now.

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  1. You must understand that I am recovering from some kind of minor viral type cough and this post just sent me into a THREE MINUTE COUGHING FIT. I will be sending you the bill for every medical issue I’ve had in the last year since I’m sure it’s somehow related to you and your tasty balls. And Target. I’ll cc them.

  2. Did you notice the new signs that say things like “Great deal!” and “Super Price!” All with quotes. Like they are quoting the most easily impressed person in the world.

  3. Fair warning, next week it’ll be Rocky Mountain Oysters, which are just bull balls. I’m sensing a testical theme here.

    Or their marketing campaign is to suggest that drinking Diet Dr. Pepper will result in the acquisition and inundation of lots of balls. If that’s the case, Diet Dr. Pepper is a miracle drink.
    .-= Andrea (@shutterbitch)´s last blog ..The Ride of a Lifetime =-.

  4. If I had the opportunity to fuck with you I would. Yeah. You heard me.
    Love your work, Jenny.

  5. You shouldn’t be embarassed about showing shop assistants pictures of bawls from your ‘phone: I do that all the time. In fact right now the wardens here like my photos so much they’ve taken my phone so thay can look at them all, & left me in this nice little room while they do it. They’ve been looking a long time now, though…
    .-= Drolgerg´s last blog ..What’s in a Name? =-.

  6. with all this free publicity for target i think they owe you a giftcard or something. take care and enjoy the nuts.

  7. i would have suggested checking for “bawls” in the aisle with the Kleenex or possibly next to a copy of “Marley and Me”. that shit always makes me cry…
    .-= steff´s last blog ..Just Kids =-.

  8. Target is definitely fucking with you. But you obviously don’t scare easy because you have the courage to even mention the Dr. Pepper cluster even after the international incident it caused.
    .-= Leigh´s last blog ..find your thrill =-.

  9. They are SOOO fucking with you. Just wait until they start on the Scooter-Cooter banana cream pies. Watch out- they also sell Titillating Trail Mix with dried melon and of course, assorted nuts.

    And Target is watching you . . . everywhere you go.
    .-= joann mannix´s last blog ..Don’t Kill My Thong, Cosmo =-.

  10. @steff Wow, how sad is it that I had to read your post two or three times to get what you meant? My vocabulary is being absorbed by male anatomy.

    Mmmmm maybe that isn’t a bad thing

  11. Dang…I was going to go back to our Wal-Mart here and take a picture of the Cock Seasoning they have. I thought Cock Seasoning would be a perfect match for Bawls.

  12. Next week you’ll go in and find the shelf filled with DVDs of the first season of Gene Simmons Family Jewels. I know it.

  13. Now I’m curious to see what they have waiting for you on your next visit.

    Also, you spend waaaay too much time at Target.

    And, why didn’t you pick up the 17 birthday presents I need for this weekend while you were there? Now, I’m going to have to go at lunch time.
    .-= a´s last blog ..Equations =-.

  14. When I was a teenager, I was shopping with my mom for cookie ingredients and she went up to the hottest stock boy in the store and asked, “Excuse me, where do you keep your nuts?” I was both mortified and overcome with a fit of giggles. Mom didn’t even realize how it sounded. To his credit, hot stock boy kept a straight face and said, “Above the ice cream,” which just made me laugh even more.
    .-= Laurie Ann´s last blog ..Positive thinking, please =-.

  15. Lowe’s does the exact same kind of thing! Evidently, if you you want to re-caulk your tub, you need caulk softener to remove the old caulk. Because no one likes old caulk, right? The caulk is right where you’d expect, but caulk softener is not. So then you have to find someone and tell them “I have caulk, but I need caulk softener.” awesome. And then go into a little group and laugh at you (really) and then they call ahead to the caulk-softener aisle, and those folks are already laughing at you when you get there. True story.
    .-= BonnieAnn´s last blog ..Polish Your Presence with the PRSA-SW Student Post-con =-.

  16. First there was People of Walmart. Then there was Jenny of Target. Please tell me you were pant-less and wearing platform flip flops when you snapped that photo. Please. It would make me SOOO happy.
    .-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..Tim Burton at the MoMA =-.

  17. Last nite I happened to notice that they have Bawls at the Target here in Fargo. I had to pick up a bottle and show my sister. I was laughing, but she was clueless since she doesn’t read your blog. (I need to get her to read it.) Maybe they moved the Bawls in Houston to Fargo.
    .-= Becky´s last blog ..Making Work Pay … What? =-.

  18. No good can come of this. As I see it next week will be, “Labia Chips and Clit Nuggets.”
    Damnit man!

    BonnieAnn: Go to Lowe’s, speak with a lisp and ask them: “I heard the black caulk typically comes in larger form than the white caulk. Is ‘dis twoooo? ‘Cause I need a LOT of black caulk!”
    .-= Fivehead´s last blog .. =-.

  19. i’ve revised my “if i had a robot” list…

    1) I’d fuck it
    2) I’d send it to Target to sneak up behind people standing in the middle of aisles and fuck them

    oh, did i mention my robot can transform from female to male robot? because it can – he’s a fucking robot and it’s name is Optimus Fucker.
    .-= furiousball´s last blog ..certified jack-ass =-.

  20. Target always was a little prissy for me. They are really just a WalMart trying to be a Macy’s (hence the red theme). And you sooooo could ask a WalMart employee about “bawls” and they would probably know what you meant. Probably.
    .-= Martie´s last blog ..Caden And The Chocolate Fountain… =-.

  21. Next week I bet they’ll replace the nuts with PoppyCock (the candied popcorn, of course).

  22. Does anyone remember this little jem?

    “Mr Bucket! You put your balls in my mouthh! ”
    ..or something like that.

  23. You do know Target offers carts you can stow your choices in as you make your merchandise selections, and while they have express lanes, several others allow you to buy way more things at once than 10. Just sayin’.
    .-= the Narcissist´s last blog ..new digs =-.

  24. I work there. We actually had a conference, both before and after, reviewing your reactions. And yes, we all laughed. For me it was more of a chuckle sensation but the girl next to me laughed so hard she peed a little.
    .-= K´s last blog ..What the hell, day? =-.

  25. Perhaps you should just be grateful you have a Target at all. I moved to Canada – expecting civilization – and NO Target. Not anywhere. I am expected to shop at Wal-Mart or this place called Zellars, which makes Kmart lot upscale and cool by comparison.

    I would take a Target that mocks and harasses me like Big Brother right now.
    .-= annie´s last blog ..God’s Mid-term Election Herald =-.

  26. Nuts are the same as bawls? Now, they’re fucking with me.

    But I think they’re definitely fucking with you first. They are not called target just because, they are target.

    Def’s fuckers. We don’t have target here in Canada we have WINNERS and yes WINNERS shop there! Uhum!

  27. I warned you to grab your bawls while you had them site. Now all your left with is a can of cuts and a tease that you should have expected more, much more. Yup, liquid bawls refreshment.
    .-= Fanning Flashes´s last blog ..Witless Wednesday =-.

  28. Well, I guess I should be glad I’ve never been to Tarjay. I’m a Canadian, eh, and here, we don’t sell nuts and bawls on the shelf. They’re behind the counter. And we don’t have Targets either.

  29. For the record, Bawls is just a cheap american knock-off. It’s Guarana, but it lacks the full delicious taste of Brazil’s ‘Guarana Antarctica” soda. Basically, it’s their national soda, sort of like coke, but way better and you can only buy it there.

  30. Just had to mention that after your last Target post, I was not happy until I drove the 45 minutes to the nearest Target to get my hands on some Bawls. The employees eventually had to make me leave because I would not stop fondling their Bawls, but I did manage to check out two sets of Blue Bawls. They’re yummy. Best thing I’ve put in my mouth in a long time.
    .-= markira´s last blog ..Pick Me! =-.

  31. I have always loved Target. This just proves they have an amazing sense of humor AND are deeply concerned about you running out of material for your blog. You should thank them.

  32. Great game to play at any grocery store, or Target (in this case).

    Game: As you go around the store with your peer/boyfriend/mother/grandma… point out amusing product labels, turn to the other person and ask, “What that your nickname in high school?”

    Some humorous ones I’ve found, and used in the game with pleasure:
    Spotted Dick (this is an actual food item)
    Special Dark (for my mixed boyfriend)
    Irish Cream (my boyfriend used this one on me)
    Extra Moist (the baking aisle is great)

    I’m sure BAWLS and NUT-rition would be some great ones as well. I suggest you try it.

    Kelly Jean
    morgendorf.blogspot.com

  33. At this point I’m pretty sure that Target is fucking with you. Have you considered going in disguise? Maybe if they don’t see you coming they won’t have time to put out the special “fuck with Jenny” items.

  34. First off – This made my day!
    Second – Target moved their product constantly around. I guess they think we’ll buy more.
    Third – I know Walmart employees, I doubt Target employees are much different and YES they’re laughing. Hard.
    .-= Marie´s last blog ..dealing with the debris =-.

  35. Damn it! Now I’m going to have to go out into the Snowpocalypse — all 30″ of it, to see if our Target has the Balls to play this game too.

  36. Ahh, yes. This is how I know you are not on the same level of geekiness that I am. Bawls is actually sold across college campuses across the country and is often sold at comic book, anime, and gaming conventions across the world. To geeks, we don’t even think about the name anymore. Still, early on in the year at college, you always see freshman running around, screaming that they’re drinking/holding/touching/tasting/sucking on bawls.

    Oh, to be young and somewhat normal again.

    Still. The leap from bawls to nuts? A+ target. Well played. I didn’t even know Target would ever SELL bawls!
    .-= Rook´s last blog ..Crotch Trauma drinking Game! =-.

  37. I heard that Target may be coming north of the border, hope so, would love to see how they fuck up Canadian shoppers

  38. Hey, if you worked for the crap wages they work for; wouldn’t you fuck with the customers too? Jenny, be honest, if you had access to the video monitors, you’d fuck with the customers even if you were being paid $50 an hour… hell, you’re probably pissed that Ashton Kutcher came up with Punked before you got out to Hollywood to pitch it… so don’t go all sour-grapes cause the bawls is on the other foot!
    .-= Aria’z Ink´s last blog ..I Need to Slap Myself, But I Can’t Seem to Get Me From the Right Angle =-.

  39. It IS a threat. Target is ri-goddamn-diculous. I worked there for a little under a year (before they drove me insane and I quit), and they have the strangest employee policies ever. Three times a day they hold a “Team Huddle”, where all the “Team Members” stand in a big circle and does an ice-breaking exercise, like “What’s your favorite color?”, or “Where did you grow up?” — you know, shit everyone cares about. Then, at the end of the huddle, everyone is REQUIRED to put there hands into the middle of the circle, camaraderie-status, and then yell “TEAM!”.

    Also, if you do a “great job” at something, you get to spin the “Wheel of Excitement” (I SWEAR I’m not kidding), and they you get to pick out a piece of candy. Oh shit, DREAM BIG.

    FUCK. TARGET.

    P.S. They probably ARE just changing the shelf to mess with your mind. Sounds like something they would do.

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