I lost an hour

Am I the only one who suspects that daylight-savings-time is just a ploy made up by aliens so they can abduct us?  Because I lost an hour and my first thought is “alien abduction” but everyone else is like “No, it’s just daylight savings time” but then when I ask why we’re even doing daylight savings time they act like I’m the asshole for questioning it and then they get all grumpy and tell me not to tie up the 911 hot-line anymore.  And it’s doubly sad because they’re probably grumpy because they’re sore from the abduction which is why I always take a pain pill the night of daylight savings time.  Because *I* believe in being prepared.  And because I like pain killers.  Or maybe the grumpy 911 operators are actually aliens and they’re exhausted because they had to fit in all those abductions in one hour.  That’s probably pretty taxing.  Aliens are totally the new Santa Claus.  For magically fitting in tons of shit in one night…not for being jolly and adorable.  I’m on a lot of pain pills.  This is probably pretty obvious.  Let’s move on to the weekly wrap-up:

This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):

This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom:

This week on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

79 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Look, originally the conspiracy was going to be a lot worse.
    From the paper of the guy who invented this crap

    “”I therefore venture to propose that at 2 a.m. on each of four Sunday mornings in April, standard time shall advance 20 minutes; and on each of four Sundays in September, shall recede 20 minutes, or in other words that for eight Sundays of 24 hours each, we shall substitute four, each 20 minutes less than 24 hours, and four each 20 minutes more than 24 hours. (Another means of arriving at approximately the same end would be to alter the clock thirty minutes on only two or three Sundays.) ”

    OH MY GOD WHAT.
    .-= Bridget´s last blog ..Daylight Slavings Time =-.

  2. Holy hell! I was abducted??? I thought I had just stumbled into a time machine. It totally happens to me at least twice a year. Sometime in March or April it’s like suddenly I’m an hour into the future and I don’t know how it happened. Then some night in October I travel an hour backwards in time and I still have no clue what happened. I’ve decided that I must be getting on airplanes in a drunken stupor. Airplanes are time machines. I know this because one time when I was in Cleveland I called my parents at 9am on a Sunday and Dad was all grumpy because he said it was 8am in Texas. And I was “You’re getting daffy in your later years, old man. Because it’s 9am.” But he was insistent that it was 8am. So I called my brother who concurred that it was indeed 8am in Texas. The only explanation I could come up with is that the airplane not only took me to Cleveland, but it also took me an hour into the future. I bet it totally happens again this week when I go to Cleveland.
    .-= Bad Guy Zero´s last blog ..ATTENTION NERDS: Our Leader Is Hittin’ The Road =-.

  3. I really was going to post a brilliant comment and then I read Bridget’s comment and forgot what I was going to say.
    .-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..I Am Pretty Sure Spittling On People Is Socially Unacceptable =-.

  4. – Vapid Blonde – DST is actually a technique of erasing ALL REASONABLE THOUGHT.
    Also, YAY CLEVELAND the once and future wasteland!
    .-= Bridget´s last blog ..Daylight Slavings Time =-.

  5. I hadn’t even considered the possibility that I was abducted by aliens and lost an hour. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I LOST AN HOUR FFS!!! I mean, I figured it was my super awesome pregnant hormones that made me lose the hour NOT aliens. So now I’m worried. I’m also not allowed painkillers cos I’m pregnant and pretty freaking bummed out now thinking I could be enjoying some pain free time right this second if it wasn’t for my current condition.
    So now I’m bummed. And guess what? It’s totally your fault. NOW I HAVE TO EAT CAKE TO MAKE MY LIFE BETTER. Damnit. xx
    .-= Mesina´s last blog ..Saturday FYI, with a whole lotta love =-.

  6. 6
    Procrastinateher

    In my opinion it’d be pretty stupid to master space travel and waste your interspecies interaction time by poking people up the bum, therefore I think aliens would not anally probe us.

    Then again, by that logic stupid humans would not exist nor would they do stupid things like poke electrical outlets with cutlery, so it’s probably completely true and I was just brainwashed last probing.

    Brilliant idea: guerrilla car washers. At night, they sneak up to your car… and wash it, and occasionally throw in some new tyres or a quick service. Do you really need a why?

  7. Where did Cher grow up then? Because she’s all like, ‘If I could turn back time..’ and all she needs to do is move to where Daylight Savings time is.

    Women. They’ll sing about anything that the can’t fix without a man being involved. Crazy.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Wrapping up the Week – March 14, 2010 =-.

  8. The aliens also stole the “s” at the end of “savings” time because apparently, it’s Daylight Saving Time and not Daylight Savings Time. It’s a real conspiracy. They should be stopped. But not before I get my hour back.
    .-= DraftQueen´s last blog ..Hanging by a moment =-.

  9. I totally forgot about daylight savings and woke up an hour late, thus was an hour late for work. Yeah, it sucked.

  10. I found your hour. It’s in Perth Australia. They have an extra day there, too.
    .-= Kristin´s last blog ..Hey, it’s Pi Day =-.

  11. I hate Spring It Forward Day because (1) why?????? (2) what the hell?!??! and (G) where in hell’s name did the hour go to????? Is it a black hole, which could be both scary and awesome simultaneously?! Or perhaps it’s the Al Qaeda??? Another stealthy terrorism move? Methinks that is so.
    .-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..I Obviously Have No Life, But I Still Have More Of A Life Than Mrs. Snooty McSnooterpants =-.

  12. I totally agree and that is why I take a pain killer and a xanax (cause daylight savings time is FUCKING CREEEEEPY) wait, I take that everyday. Thats only because I find most things in life creeeepy and they usually are. God bless Xanax.
    .-= singlemomma_cc´s last blog ..I suck a being a girl =-.

  13. now that’s some good use of bus shelter ad space! and daylight savings time can suck it. hard.

  14. why do those ALIENS never trespass this side of the planet?????? its round or elliptical, BUGGERS! how hard could it be? maybe, they landed once on arizona and threw a fish net and whatever came under it, had tio bear DST!

    “So long, and thank you for all the fish!”

    p.s: yep i pink fluffy round heart doug adams!
    p.p.s: the only guy who could even dream of being your equal, o bloggess!
    .-= neers´s last blog ..heart – odds and evens =-.

  15. Aren’t people also saying that the earthquake and chile altered the axis of the earth a little because it was just that big?

    Jenny, is that just the Aliens too?
    .-= Deidre´s last blog ..Internet, I need your opinion… =-.

  16. I LOVE Daylight Saving Time! Now, for the next week, I have an entire backstock of excuses for everything! Dinner tastes like crap? Daylight Saving Time!
    No clean clothes? Daylight Saving Time!
    I gained 2 lbs? Daylight Saving Time!
    Child is acting like an asshole? Daylight Saving Time!
    Husband is acting like an asshole? Daylight Saving Time!
    Late yet again to playgroup? Daylight Saving Time!

    If I work it right, I can drag more than a week outta of this shit. LOVE IT.
    .-= cagey´s last blog ..Drivelwocky =-.

  17. I changed a portion of your post and I highly recommend making this change. Really pops now…

    “Or maybe the grumpy 911 operators are actually aliens and they’re exhausted because they had to fit in all those abortions in one hour. That’s probably pretty taxing.”

    Probably so, probably so.
    .-= furiousball´s last blog ..Pretty Important Day =-.

  18. You should move to Arizona. We don’t let time OR aliens push us around. No Daylight Saving Time in AZ. None of us can understand why anyone would want to save daylight anyway. Plenty of sun here, no thanks all the same!

  19. I guess it’s really important to keep completely and utterly useless procedures in place. Why else would aliens want us? Don’t want no jumpy earthlings rockin the daylight savings boat. No sir. Imagine the fuss we’d make if they wanted to eat us.

  20. Soooo … according to your tweet, you actually lost a whole day. Fuck DST!
    .-= Sarah p´s last blog ..What tipped him off? =-.

  21. Daylight savings blows. Except for that whole Days Are Longer and it’s Not Light at 3pm stuff. That I’ll keep. You keep the aliens, k?
    .-= GinaRose´s last blog ..3-13-2010 =-.

  22. Hmmm, maybe the woman who was in charge of the typing test I was supposed to have at Noon on Friday was an alien. Because she didn’t show up until 1PM. But that was on Friday, before DST allegedly happened. I think the whole thing was to mess with my mind, so I probably typed like 400WPM and they told me it was only 54WPM. Yeah, I’m sure that’s what happened. Frickin’ aliens.
    .-= msdarkstar´s last blog ..Non-Coffeehouse Sunday Stealing =-.

  23. Interesting fact: here in the UK daylight savings doesn’t start for another two weeks. So, for two weeks, you’re an hour nearer us. Which always meant my colleagues in the US could take even more time out of the day in which to talk to me about nothing…

  24. I’m from Saskatchewan. I lived 25 blissful years of never having to change my clock. Then I moved to Ontario, and I’ve faced nothing but madness ever since.

  25. Oh, yeah, Spring ahead sucks, alright, but I sure do love Fall back. I try to look at it in those terms. But I do believe there are aliens among us and that if you are aware you can totally pick them out in the passing crowd. Great post-thanks
    .-= Chicken´s last blog ..Chicken Logic =-.

  26. If you aren’t going to bother with “Comment of the Day” then I’m going to stop being clever. Or trying to be clever. Whatever.
    .-= Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Blessed* Blog =-.

  27. Thanks for all you do. Loved your movie link and shared. Love your sense of life.

  28. Those damn aliens. They always say they come in peace.

    But they never do.

    And when they leave, they always steal something, the bloody kleptomaniacs. No, am not a Brit but the nuns did not want us to use the “f” word so got out of practice.

    And we shouldn’t worry if our bodies are sore. Unless it’s our arses. Maybe not even then for some.

    Meh.
    .-= Marisa Birns´s last blog ..Dawning =-.

  29. Daylight savings time sucks hairy monkey balls.
    .-= Dual Mom´s last blog ..Thank Fuck It’s Friday =-.

  30. Thanks for the reminder! It’s my least favorite day of the year, just ahead of Tax Day.
    .-= Jane´s last blog ..The Trifecta Of Nasty Habits And Why I’d Never Date You. Ever! =-.

  31. I just let somebody else deal with resetting all the clock and then I don’t even notice…
    .-= tokenblogger´s last blog ..It’s been a long, long day… =-.

  32. Oooops! This explains why people were looking at me funny when I started screaming at the locked pharmacy inside my local grocery and crying out that they weren’t supposed to close until 6pm. Guess I really did miss something. 😉
    .-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..Wicked Social Sledgehammer =-.

  33. We hate this shit. Hello, government?
    .-= Pauline´s last blog ..Sailor Mouth Saturday: Loggerhead =-.

  34. My kids were seriously distressed by my coddling. “You must be so sleepy.” I did the math wrong (big fucking surprise). They were not so sleepy. I was not drunk, and yet the stereotype of the dotty stereotype mom was there. I may use it to my advantage in the future.

  35. And all day I was thinking my back hurt because I’ve been doing the 30 Day Shred.

    Stupid aliens.

    At the very least they could have left a vicodin on my nightstand.
    .-= Haley ´s last blog ..Back In The Day =-.

  36. You know, I just am not too keen on this spring forward. To me, springing forward only means I have to cut my grass soon. What the hell, that is just messed up!

  37. OMG it’s like you totally read my mind. I was raging at everyone I talked to today about the missing hour. I think we need to sick Chuck Norris and Badger Jesus on whoever decided stealing our time was a good idea. NO MORE TIME STEALING!

  38. After reading this post I think Jenny and the drug companies have conspired together to try and freak us out so we feel the need to pop pills to calm us down and releave are imaginary alien ass probe pain… Shame on you Jenny!

  39. We don’t have that daylight savings time crap here in Saskatchewan. Our time never changes. We’re alien proof.

  40. Wasn’t it started by Hitler? I think that explains everything…
    .-= Uriah´s last blog ..Gay people donate to charity mother fucker, so shut the fuck up! =-.

  41. I hate it when my heart is in my vagina.
    .-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..My cheese puffs are wilting with boredom. =-.

  42. Why bother? By the time I finish running around changing everything it’s all gonna be wrong again…

  43. I found this whole weekend to be terrible. I really do think it was because of the time change. Yesterday was a six Advil day. The alien connection never hit me, but maybe you are on to something.:)
    .-= Betty´s last blog ..Kiss a snake? I don’t think so! =-.

  44. Sadly I actually missed the memo on the daylight savings time and spent most of the day with the new time thanks to the tv cable box/cell phone, but nearly screwed up the alarm clock thing this morning… I wasn’t a day light savings fan before, but this waking up in the dark is just horrible 🙁
    .-= Shayna´s last blog ..Something cute for the weekend =-.

  45. I think the folks in congress are aliens and they thought this stupid stuff was awesome. Which I think explains a lot. Either way this time change makes Jenn something, something.
    .-= Jenn´s last blog ..Happy St. Patty’s Day Ya’ll =-.

  46. In Poland (yep, that’s where I am. Hello!) we don’t change the clocks until 2:00 in the morning on Sunday March 28th.

    I guess the aliens stagger the abduction schedule, and hit Eastern Europe later, huh?

  47. I’m not sure, but I think you and I are the same person, which is weird because you are in Texas and I’m in NY, so having a split personality would be hard….maybe there is some kind of space time continuum thing involved. Or maybe a parallel universe or something? We think way too much alike to not be related. Maybe we’re twins separated at birth? Or, it could be the Vicodin talking, I’m not really sure. I can tell you that I found your blog a few months ago thanks to an article on MSN that listed blogs that women should be reading. Yours was the only one I liked. So here I am. And thank to you, I am now addicted to Twitter to. So I get much less work done and half the time. I did have an alien baby removed from my pelvis last month…or so I thought, turned out just to be a tumor. At least, that’s what they WANTED me to think…..Thank you, Jenny. For always making me laugh

  48. I fully intended to say something snarky and off color but then I watched that french animated film. Now I just…have to sit a minute and…yeah.
    .-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..Secret Codes and Tinnitus =-.

  49. Just wrap yourself in tin foil and you will be fine. We look like big ol’ baked taters, but no alien abductions but maybe they did and we just can’t remember!

    On a different note… “Cat People” are outraged in NJ, as they are trying to make hunting feral cats legal. If we see Morgan Freeman, we will let you know.
    .-= Lookielou´s last blog ..What?!! You want to make hunting and killing cats in NJ legal???!!! =-.

  50. Apparently my company’s web blocking software is, in fact, a douche-canoe.
    .-= wendy´s last blog ..Foolproof Homemade Pizza =-.

  51. I live in Indianapolis, and we never USED to have Daylight Sucking Time, but now we do. THANKS elected douchefaces. NOW I have to do what the rest of the country does. I used to be a non-conformist. Now I’m tired. Assholes.
    .-= Sam´s last blog ..If Sam Could Turn Back Time =-.

  52. Alls I know is that nothing is fucking right anymore. The world has stopped spinning on its axis. My head hurts. My eyes aren’t adjusting to the dark. I think I might be pregnant. I’m 47 and a lesbian. Please send me your pain pills.
    .-= Jane´s last blog ..For the Win: A Targus Laptop Backpack & Mobile Charger =-.

  53. I think my pizza delivery guy is trying to abduct me. He has “that look”. And he forgot to bring me my cheesy bread, so that just proves it all the more.
    .-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..I Obviously Have No Life, But I Still Have More Of A Life Than Mrs. Snooty McSnooterpants =-.

  54. The Skhizein video is amazing.

  55. Here in Arizona, we don’t observe Daylight Savings Time, but it is still a royal pain in the ass for me. I have one of those cool “atomic” clocks that automatically sets itself by satellite. Unfortunately for me and anyone who knows me, I freak out when I don’t know EXACTLY what time it is. The “atomic” clock is perfect for me until the time changes. It has no idea that Arizona time is always the same, so twice a year I am either very early or very late to some important event. Even if I try to change the time, the satellite changes it back!!
    I am a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but I finally figured out that all I have to do is change the time zone on the clock to California! Voila! I only hope I can remember this process in the spring.
    .-= Judie McEwen´s last blog .."Saturday, In The Park, …." =-.

  56. They’re either aliens, or freemasons. Gotta be one of the two!

    🙂
    .-= only words to play with´s last blog ..Referential Mania: Lady Gaga’s Telephone – Analysis and Observations, Part 2 =-.

  57. Aliens, or freemasons. Gotta be one of the two!
    .-= only words to play with´s last blog ..Referential Mania: Lady Gaga’s Telephone – Analysis and Observations, Part 2 =-.

  58. I have always wondered, WHY the HELL Arizona does not suffer with the rest of us, is the sun special there?

  59. I so had the sore ass….so you may be right about the whole alien abduction thing.
    .-= lanned´s last blog ..The greatest woman I know =-.

  60. caveat: the following link has some disgusting pictures of what are (supposedly) food items. It also has swearing. A fair bit of swearing actually but considering that Steve is ingesting the (supposed) food items I think the swearing is justified..
    http://www.thesneeze.com/steve-dont-eat-it/
    this has nothing to do with aliens or lost time really…or -does- it? maybe Steve is an alien..that would explain a lot..
    I was cruising thru my bookmarks at work and I rediscovered this link to a very very funny series of posts by Steve..
    maybe you’ve all seen it already..maybe y’all have seen it and blocked out that you did ..in any case I wanted to see if I could get The Bloggess to laugh (and/or cry and/or gag and/or choke up) the way she gets us to…

  61. I brought my popcorn, lawn chair, tiny hand fan and some red licorice. Someone told me you and Suzy were having a smackdown.

    Or did that take place during that mysterious missing hour and I MISSED IT????????????

  62. I want my hour back. Now.
    .-= Gig Girl´s last blog ..The Cost of Doing Business =-.

  63. […] even if you don’t know that many, if I may use myself as an example.  I found it courtesy of this post from The Bloggess.  There’s a lot of other good stuff in that post, […]

  64. I don’t get it at all….why do some states have daylight savings and thus endure the torture and others totally don’t??

    Sadie at heyMamas

  65. Is it true that you’re done doing interviews this season? I’m a professional writer & editor, and I run a blog & magazine on the craft of fiction. I’d be really pleased to interview you about writing humor.

    (I might have time for a few questions. Just email me. Thanks! ~Jenny)

    .-= Victoria Mixon´s last blog ..Being interviewed =-.

  66. That missing hour must be where my sex life went. I was having the hottest, dirtiest, earth-shatteringist humpfest of my life in that hour and it was sucked into the vortex known as Daylight Saving(s) Time.

    Guess I’ll have to wait a half a year to get it back. Twofold!
    .-= Fuck Yeah, Motherhood!´s last blog ..Pretty Sure That Move Is What Landed Britney On The Mickey Mouse Club =-.

  67. I’ve always suspected that about this alleged “Daylight Savings Time”, but until now I couldn’t find anyone else who knew “the truth.” Thank God I’ve found you!

    Also, I’ve never heard the phrase “douche canoe.” I’m totally stealing that.
    .-= Memphis Steve´s last blog ..Likes/Dislikes =-.

  68. ok this is going to be hystorical as i’m not the type to ask anyone.
    here’s the Question.
    i keep looking for girls to make friends with,get close to them (maybe to find my wife(present purpose)). But the part of a woman excites me the most is a shapely behind! On the other hand i don’t like dumb women. Can you guide me, where is my life headed and how should i apporach women ??

  69. How bad is it that we totally forgot about it? And got a phone call from someone at 9:40 just after we’d rolled out of bed, only to find out from him that it was actually 10:40 and we were idiots who didn’t change their clocks? Then you feel like you’ve blown the whole day, and it hasn’t really begun. That’s bad enough without adding the aliens into the mix.
    .-= Wombat Central´s last blog ..Movie Monday – It’s Contagious =-.

  70. So THAT explains it! See, I had decided that your blog and advice column were actually alien plots to abduct us. I just found your blog (where have you been all of my internet life?!), and started reading, and then went to the advice column, and then, like, maybe only 45 minutes later looked at my computer clock and I had totally lost about FOUR HOURS of my freakin’ day! I didn’t even know where I lived anymore. Thanks a LOT.

  71. Thank you for updating your comments. I know you were without a finger and all, but I couldn’t bear the suspense. Now I feel a little famous.
    .-= Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Un Mal Dia =-.

  72. Despite all the crainess going on here, it is posts such as “I am Worthy” by you that make me love you so.

    Thanks also for telling us about this http://itismonday.com/2009/10/skhizein/ WOW. Just. Wow.

  73. See, now, this is why we don’t have daylight savings in the province of Saskatchewan. We’re all afraid of aliens. True story. True about the not having daylight savings, anyways. I don’t know if it’s true that we’re all afraid of aliens. That’s probably just me. Except, not really just me, ’cause I think aliens are kind of neat, so long as they come in peace, or, if not, are at least super bad ass.

    In other news, that ‘It is Monday’ video completely blew my mind. Amazing, thank you for sharing! More importantly, however, thank you for the beautiful ‘I am Worthy’ post. It brought tears to my eyes and made me smile all at once. Thank you so, so much. You are amazing.

  74. I love that you call 911 a “hotline”

  75. […] came across something yesterday.  The Bloggess mentioned it as “Painfully poignant: you should watch this”.  So I did. And I have not […]

  76. I’m just impressed you found the bus stop Gallagher uses for that picture. Your stalking skills are second to none. Bravo, ma’am; bravo.

    I apologize for calling you ma’am. That was thoughtless.

  77. Note to Self: Do not read this blog in the middle of your Income Tax Law class. Especially if you can not control yourself from laughing out loud when you read “a motherfucking pirate” (dammit, I’m laughing in class again! and he’s looking) in the first three sentences of the post.

  78. DST just seems to result in me losing a precious hour of sleep – like I need help with that.
    Goddamn Aliens!

  79. I enjoy what you guys are usually up too. This type of clever work and exposure!
    Keep up the fantastic works guys I’ve included you guys to my blogroll.

    Carmon recently posted Carmon.

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