Oh twitter. I don’t know whether I should feel touched or insulted.

Twitter has this new thing where they’ll suggest users you should probably follow based on your tweets.  Here’s who they suggested to me:

Honestly, Twitter.  I get enough of that from my father.

Comment of the day: Last time I followed Dr. Drew, he called the cops on me. If you can’t handle your leg being humped while you use a public urinal, you shouldn’t be in show biz. ~Always Home and Uncool

76 thoughts on “Oh twitter. I don’t know whether I should feel touched or insulted.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. You really should follow @jesus. He posts some really funny tweets. The bible really doesn’t point out what a card he is.

    Dr. Drew… not so much.

  2. I am sad because Twitter does not suggest that I follow anyone. This just affirms my belief that I am not only a misanthropic cow, but quite possibly the Queen of Misanthropic Cows.

  3. know what i got a suggestion for? an alcohol treatment center…
    nice, twitter, real nice.
    also, i’m pretty sure if jesus is your pal on twitter you can turn to him for basically any/all advice… so dr. drew, while lovely, would kinda be over kill.

  4. Jesus is pretty hilarious. As is Jesus_M_Christ, Jesus_H_Christ’s brother, and cousin of Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket.

  5. I don’t like the new follow thing. Mostly because the ones they suggest, I look at and go, “Oh hell no.” By that time, I’ve wasted more time than I’d care to thinking about people I don’t really care to follow on twitter . . . or in real life. :-/

  6. Great they paired Dr. Drew and Jesus together. Dr. Drew’s ego just went up a couple of clicks.
    There’ll be no talking to him now.

  7. Wow. I didn’t know Jesus had a twitter account. Do you think he uses a PC or Mac? or can he just sit up in heaven and speak the words and then it gets twitterpated all across the world??

  8. Twitter has yet to pull this stunt on me. That having been said, the Twitter machine probably doesn’t know what to do with me at the best times and probably doesn’t feel comfortable in suggesting new people for me to harass I MEAN BEFRIEND

  9. Hahaha, well, at least that’s better than mine, apparently I’m not good enough to follow anyone because it won’t give me any recommendations for who to follow.

  10. WTF? How come you get more love from Twitter than me? I don’t want them to tell me who to follow, but I don’t want them to try to tell me, because when they don’t try, it makes me realize that they think you are way more important than me because you have more followers and more stars and shit, and well that is just so unfair. Plus if they would try to tell me then I could feel all superior about saying how I don’t need their god damn suggestions, and now because they didn’t even give me any suggestions, I have to feel all inferior.
    I may have emotional problems. So nuff said.

  11. Jesus Christ on Twitter seriously rocks. I’ve been following him and there’s been no Catholic guilt, no request for confession and no pressure to Tweet in a politically correct manner.

    His jokes are pretty wicked, too.

  12. Also, how can you NOT follow buddy christ? That’s the closest thing to following St. George of Carlin

  13. It looks more like a pyramid scheme to me – you follow Jesus, he follows Dr. Drew, Jesus gets a cut of everyone you bring in, Dr. Drew gets everything. It’s spiritual Amway.

  14. They’re probably programming notes. They’re just suggesting the type of program your sitcom should follow from a scheduling standpoint.

  15. They keep pushing random people at me. Like the one who was tweeting politics, but their political leaning was about as far away from mine as the north and south poles. Made me wonder if twitter was just trying to cause a twitter fight.

  16. You should follow Jesus. I do, because it kills two birds with one stone: I bust a gut and save my soul at the same time. It’s like The Pope marries Ellen Degeneres.

  17. Well Tila Tequila was just denied to be on Dr. Drew’s show, so I guess following him will make you better than Tila Tequila. Or at the very least AS GOOD AS Tila Tequila, and can you really ask for more than that?

  18. Tweeting with Dr. Phil sounds perverted…tweeting with Jeez-us sounds biblical.

    Our father, who art on twitter
    hey-zeus be thy name
    thy tweets @bloggess come
    they will be fun
    on twitter; it’s just like heaven

    give us one tweet, your daily words
    and forgive those who un-follow
    for Jesus is the way;
    Dr. Phil is gay
    forever and ever,
    @jesus

  19. It’s times like these when you need to ask yourself- What would Jesus do?

    You’ll probably have to follow him to find out.

  20. Twitter isn’t suggesting anyone for me. I guess I’m not important enough for it to suggest people. Asshole Twitter.

  21. I am back because I am a pathetic double commenter. Like a double dipper. Only more awkward.

    Just to say I had this idea called Prayitter. Or Praytter…or some frickin thing combining PRAYING and TWITTER. Where you could just ‘tweet’ or maybe ‘preet’ your prayers. And God or Jesus or who EVER would RT or DM you.

    hard to believe all this genius hasn’t been franchised yet huh?
    Okay. I will stop drinking now.

  22. Story of my life. I feel like I’m peeking into a cooler version of my life every time I come to your blog. LOVE IT

  23. Jesus also has a telephone account! True story. And a friend of mine who works in cust. service says that there are two account admins (one is Jesus and the other is known as God) and the notes on the account say that God called to put a bar on interstate cell calls and Jesus rang back to say he was NOT happy.

    Ah, Jesus.

  24. They never sent me an email, one suggesting who I should follow or anything else.
    Hell, they probably send you flowers. I feel mildly jealous and quite unloved.

  25. Great so now Twitter is picking my friends for me?! WTF TWITTER?! It’s like Blind Date, only with friendship and I am so not down with Blind Dates, because like, what if I follow someone that is totally not my type? I mean I’ve got a man already, but I still have to have friends that are ”my type”.

    Dr. Drew doesn’t sound like my type. But since long hair is probably going to make a comback for men in like 10 years, I’d totally be down with Jesus. Probably. Unless he got all hormonal on me or something.

  26. I don’t twitter, or tweet, or twat. Whatever. But I did not know that I could follow Jesus. I mean, what do His tweets consist of? Does Buddha tweet? “Nirvana rocks. Well, REAL Nirvana, I never got into the band. And I mean enlightenment, because technically I think nirvana is a Hindu concept.”

  27. Here is where I get depressed because Twitter doesn’t recommend blogs to me. I am that insignificant, apparently. Not even @Jesus wants to be my twitter pal.

    Le sigh.

  28. I can see the judge now, “Sir, why did you crash the bar mitzvah with a mariachi band, spiked the sherbet punch with a bottle of everclear and some bong water raised sea monkeys. Then, you began tea bagging their bubbe, wearing nothing but a sombrero and some male enhancement thongs.” then you’re like “but your honor, I was merely doing god’s will, Jesus told me to do it on twitter.”

    P.S. I’ve never had a criminal record until I started following Jesus.
    P.S.S. But damn, these conjugal visits form grandma are bizarrely fantastic.

  29. I got an email the other day that said:

    “The LunchLady is now following you.”

    Thanks a lot, Twitter.

    Try telling me something I DON’T know.

  30. What impresses me even more is that you have that many followers! AND now I need to go see who they are suggesting to me. I hope it’s not the opposite of Jesus! LOL And I am always in need of a good shrink so that would be handy too! Have fun at BlogHer!!!

  31. I think that Jesus Christ on Twitter is seriously cool! We all need to follow him and what’s nice is that there’s been no censorship by Twitter in a politically correct manner.

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