Twitter has this new thing where they’ll suggest users you should probably follow based on your tweets. Here’s who they suggested to me:
Honestly, Twitter. I get enough of that from my father.
Comment of the day: Last time I followed Dr. Drew, he called the cops on me. If you can’t handle your leg being humped while you use a public urinal, you shouldn’t be in show biz. ~Always Home and Uncool
76 thoughts on “Oh twitter. I don’t know whether I should feel touched or insulted.”
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You really should follow @jesus. He posts some really funny tweets. The bible really doesn’t point out what a card he is.
Dr. Drew… not so much.
I am sad because Twitter does not suggest that I follow anyone. This just affirms my belief that I am not only a misanthropic cow, but quite possibly the Queen of Misanthropic Cows.
Shouldn’t they be following you actually? Stupid Twitter.
Now, be careful. Jesus has yet to verify his account. That could really be Satan testing you. 🙂
know what i got a suggestion for? an alcohol treatment center…
nice, twitter, real nice.
also, i’m pretty sure if jesus is your pal on twitter you can turn to him for basically any/all advice… so dr. drew, while lovely, would kinda be over kill.
Oh wait that was probably dumb of me since EVERYONE follows you already. Sigh.
I am sorry.
However, if you look at @JesusChrist’s profile, it suggests following you. Hm.
Jesus is pretty hilarious. As is Jesus_M_Christ, Jesus_H_Christ’s brother, and cousin of Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket.
I think it’s kind of creepy that they suggest who to follow…
I don’t like the new follow thing. Mostly because the ones they suggest, I look at and go, “Oh hell no.” By that time, I’ve wasted more time than I’d care to thinking about people I don’t really care to follow on twitter . . . or in real life. :-/
Pretty sure I want to follow Jesus. Just to say I am one of his ‘followers’.
Great they paired Dr. Drew and Jesus together. Dr. Drew’s ego just went up a couple of clicks.
There’ll be no talking to him now.
I’m confused. Why does Dr. Drew have two Twitter accounts?
Wow. I didn’t know Jesus had a twitter account. Do you think he uses a PC or Mac? or can he just sit up in heaven and speak the words and then it gets twitterpated all across the world??
That is FABULOUS!
Twitter has yet to pull this stunt on me. That having been said, the Twitter machine probably doesn’t know what to do with me at the best times and probably doesn’t feel comfortable in suggesting new people for me to harass I MEAN BEFRIEND
I hate it when Twitter touches me. That’s why I have that restraining order.
I just want to point out that I have never seen Dr. Drew and Jesus in the same room at the same time. Just sayin.
I’ve gotten no suggestions. I’m undefinable.
Hahaha, well, at least that’s better than mine, apparently I’m not good enough to follow anyone because it won’t give me any recommendations for who to follow.
At least it asks you, unlike forcing me to follow people I hate.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Last time I followed Dr. Drew, he called the cops on me. I mean, if you can’t handle your leg being humped while you use a public urinal, you shouldn’t be in show biz.
WTF? How come you get more love from Twitter than me? I don’t want them to tell me who to follow, but I don’t want them to try to tell me, because when they don’t try, it makes me realize that they think you are way more important than me because you have more followers and more stars and shit, and well that is just so unfair. Plus if they would try to tell me then I could feel all superior about saying how I don’t need their god damn suggestions, and now because they didn’t even give me any suggestions, I have to feel all inferior.
I may have emotional problems. So nuff said.
How did Dr. Drew get top billing over Jesus? Is Twitter Jewish?
Doesn’t Twitter realize the Beatles are bigger than Jesus?
Why have I not seen that section where Twitter shows you who you might want to follow? Where is it? It’s not on my page anywhere.
Jesus Christ on Twitter seriously rocks. I’ve been following him and there’s been no Catholic guilt, no request for confession and no pressure to Tweet in a politically correct manner.
His jokes are pretty wicked, too.
Hahahahahaha I love it.
That Jesus looks like a bobblehead. Don’t fall for it.
Are you sure that your dad isn’t behind Twitter??
Have you noticed this is post # 7777? Surely that means something.
It’s a trick! Dr. Drew is Jesus!
Also, how can you NOT follow buddy christ? That’s the closest thing to following St. George of Carlin
Twitter suggested I would like Ramona Singer. Really? Cause I’d kindof like to throatpunch her.
It looks more like a pyramid scheme to me – you follow Jesus, he follows Dr. Drew, Jesus gets a cut of everyone you bring in, Dr. Drew gets everything. It’s spiritual Amway.
Twitter doesn’t do that for me. You really are fucked up in the head.
They’re probably programming notes. They’re just suggesting the type of program your sitcom should follow from a scheduling standpoint.
Why is Twitter getting so pushy about Jesus? The religious right is watching you.
They keep pushing random people at me. Like the one who was tweeting politics, but their political leaning was about as far away from mine as the north and south poles. Made me wonder if twitter was just trying to cause a twitter fight.
I’ve started following everyone that twitter suggests. it’s best if I don’t make my own decisions.
You should follow Jesus. I do, because it kills two birds with one stone: I bust a gut and save my soul at the same time. It’s like The Pope marries Ellen Degeneres.
Twitter apparently doesnt think I should follow people.
Well Tila Tequila was just denied to be on Dr. Drew’s show, so I guess following him will make you better than Tila Tequila. Or at the very least AS GOOD AS Tila Tequila, and can you really ask for more than that?
Tweeting with Dr. Phil sounds perverted…tweeting with Jeez-us sounds biblical.
Our father, who art on twitter
hey-zeus be thy name
thy tweets @bloggess come
they will be fun
on twitter; it’s just like heaven
give us one tweet, your daily words
and forgive those who un-follow
for Jesus is the way;
Dr. Phil is gay
forever and ever,
It’s times like these when you need to ask yourself- What would Jesus do?
You’ll probably have to follow him to find out.
Follow Jesus. You owe his Daddy for the whole ‘lawn-booby’ thing.
Only you…lol! You crack me up every visit 🙂
The Lord won’t cure your unruly vagina hair, but he can teach you to love it.
Twitter isn’t suggesting anyone for me. I guess I’m not important enough for it to suggest people. Asshole Twitter.
Oh lord, even Jesus has a Twitter account these days? I knew it wasn’t going to stay cool for long…
I am back because I am a pathetic double commenter. Like a double dipper. Only more awkward.
Just to say I had this idea called Prayitter. Or Praytter…or some frickin thing combining PRAYING and TWITTER. Where you could just ‘tweet’ or maybe ‘preet’ your prayers. And God or Jesus or who EVER would RT or DM you.
hard to believe all this genius hasn’t been franchised yet huh?
Okay. I will stop drinking now.
Story of my life. I feel like I’m peeking into a cooler version of my life every time I come to your blog. LOVE IT
Jesus also has a telephone account! True story. And a friend of mine who works in cust. service says that there are two account admins (one is Jesus and the other is known as God) and the notes on the account say that God called to put a bar on interstate cell calls and Jesus rang back to say he was NOT happy.
we’ve been through this before… maybe you should just follow jesus and get it over with
You should totally follow @jesus, he’s hilarious.
Wow that Jesus fella is really down with the kids.
It could be a new marketing angle: “Twitter nags you so your parents don’t have to”
They never sent me an email, one suggesting who I should follow or anything else.
Hell, they probably send you flowers. I feel mildly jealous and quite unloved.
Great so now Twitter is picking my friends for me?! WTF TWITTER?! It’s like Blind Date, only with friendship and I am so not down with Blind Dates, because like, what if I follow someone that is totally not my type? I mean I’ve got a man already, but I still have to have friends that are ”my type”.
Dr. Drew doesn’t sound like my type. But since long hair is probably going to make a comback for men in like 10 years, I’d totally be down with Jesus. Probably. Unless he got all hormonal on me or something.
They are BOTH really popular AND there to help…I guess it’s a toss up.
I don’t twitter, or tweet, or twat. Whatever. But I did not know that I could follow Jesus. I mean, what do His tweets consist of? Does Buddha tweet? “Nirvana rocks. Well, REAL Nirvana, I never got into the band. And I mean enlightenment, because technically I think nirvana is a Hindu concept.”
Here is where I get depressed because Twitter doesn’t recommend blogs to me. I am that insignificant, apparently. Not even @Jesus wants to be my twitter pal.
Dude, Twitter told me to follow Scoble so I say you got off easier then I did!
I can see the judge now, “Sir, why did you crash the bar mitzvah with a mariachi band, spiked the sherbet punch with a bottle of everclear and some bong water raised sea monkeys. Then, you began tea bagging their bubbe, wearing nothing but a sombrero and some male enhancement thongs.” then you’re like “but your honor, I was merely doing god’s will, Jesus told me to do it on twitter.”
P.S. I’ve never had a criminal record until I started following Jesus.
P.S.S. But damn, these conjugal visits form grandma are bizarrely fantastic.
this is awesome…but I’m more excited that this is post 7777…
Check out Jesus H. Christ and also Darth Vader on Twitter.
You have 56,430 followers!? That makes you, like, the world’s fifth largest religion, doesn’t it?
I got an email the other day that said:
“The LunchLady is now following you.”
Thanks a lot, Twitter.
Try telling me something I DON’T know.
I can’t agree enough with today’s comment of the day! THAT IS AWESOME! And it’s funny because it’s true!
I am pretty sure Dr. Drew considers himself to be the next coming of Christ. Jesus? Not so much.
Twitter suggested I follow http://twitter.com/VaginaRants . Maybe we can trade? Got someone more in the culinary field for me?
What impresses me even more is that you have that many followers! AND now I need to go see who they are suggesting to me. I hope it’s not the opposite of Jesus! LOL And I am always in need of a good shrink so that would be handy too! Have fun at BlogHer!!!
Who the fuck would Jesus follow?
hehe excellent, this shows the true caliber of your stories!
I think that Jesus Christ on Twitter is seriously cool! We all need to follow him and what’s nice is that there’s been no censorship by Twitter in a politically correct manner.