I can’t think of a title and I need a drink

I usually do my weekly wrap-up of shit-I-did-when-I-wasn’t-here on Sunday but I forgot because I thought yesterday was Saturday.  Which was quite a rude shock when I woke up this morning, I assure you.

    This week on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):

    This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:

    This week on the internets:

    This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

    50 thoughts on “I can’t think of a title and I need a drink

    Read comments below or add one.

    1. Are you sure today isn’t Saturday? Damnit! I’ve so got a parking ticket on my car right now. Which means I don’t have to move it for another week!

    2. Omg- you need to attach a disclaimer to the soldier homecoming video. I just watched it and now I can’t stop crying either. I have to drop my oldest off at school in 20 minutes and I’m going to show up looking like I got punched in both eyes. So worth it though.

    3. Oh, so you’re what’s behind curtain number one! I wondered. Wait. I mean you ARE curtain number one. Dang it. Now I’m confused.

    4. I am my own boss and last I checked, I am not a douche-canoe. Whew!

      And now I am off to read your sex column.

    5. I’ll preface by saying that I have twin three-year-olds and my husband got back from a year in Iraq in April. So, no surprise, I started watching the homecoming video and barely got a few minutes into it. Then people started walking by my cube and upon hearing the sobs and seeing a pool of tears and snot forming, wisely began walking faster. Thanks for the shout out to the troops and their families. And thank you for your blog!! You’ve provided many a laugh on days when I sorely needed one while my husband was away. (You make me laugh when he’s here too, but you know.)

    6. OMG. I never stopped crying either. To be fair a bit of that was due to the wine, but it was still an awesome video. It really made me want to know someone who was working in Iraq, so they could come back and surprise me.

    7. I just wrote a really long comment and then I realized it was super depressing and I totally wouldn’t want anyone to leave it on my blog, so I’m starting over.
      1: I want a sassy gay friend.
      2: If Hailey hates being the oldest one in her class all through grade school, then at least when she gets to college she’ll be one of the first in her class who can legally buy alcohol and that totally makes up for it.
      3: The soldier video made me bawl my eyes out for a really long time.
      4: You’re pretty fucking amazing.

    8. That’s amazing that your little girl is reading chapter books!!! My little girl is almost the same age. Her birthday is in July and so she is very young. She had the best Kindergarten teacher and I am kinda wishing I could keep her there too! She’s definitely not reading chapter books 🙁 Good job mommy-blogess!

    9. Don’t feel bad. I’m always a day behind or ahead. … I blame my kids. In your case, it’s probably Victor’s fault.

    10. You went to church this morning, didn’t you?

      Regarding the sex column and the top ten weirdest things. Naked Jesus is nothing. I posted a pic of myself playing Jesus in a movie, and I was naked. Not to flog anyone’s prurient urges. I was just being historically accurate. And Tessa’s mom played the Roman soldier holding the rope round my neck.

      Also, I got a compliant this week that my blog is not funny. I’m hitting the big time!

    11. I had avoided watching that video until now. My husband surprised me in uniform once, and that feeling stays with you forever. I knew I would bawl all the way through it if I watched it. You tricked me, woman! It seems I cry every time I read your blogs – generally it is from the effort of not peeing myself by giggling – and this has again not let me down. Much love, Jenny.

    12. Love this entry! Sigh, I don’t even know what day it is, even though the calendar says Monday, August 16th. My mind is still stuck on the first week of August, my happy vacation away to Florida.

      PS – My fingers really have been liking to hit the f key before any word now. I’m beginning to think my keyboard on this laptop is possessed. If I didn’t correct the comment above it would’ve gone something like this: ‘…fknow fwhat fday fit fis, feven fthough fthe fcalendar…’ I’m sure you get the picture.

      It really likes that f key… maybe it wants me to want some fudge? Hehe.

    13. And you know what sucks … kindergarten is not all fun and games. In my city, (god forbid!) they threw out the kitchen and paints and handed the kids a pencil and paper, “Get to Work. You can’t have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat.” Its like 1984 … Big Brother and all. Yeesh!

      Count your blessing it aint like that.

    14. You made me cry three times: I was moved by the beautiful spirits in people witnessed by Chookooloonks’ camera; cried over the soldiers coming home to their loved ones and over those who are not able to come home ever; cried in rage because of the cyber bully question. I guess we are even since you have made me laugh so many times in the past. Yin and Yang balance has been restored.

    15. Count me in for the Puppy 4 Bradyn. God I love you. Smart, sexy, sarcastic, and samaritan. THe four S’s! I need to make a drawing of you with that four S’s on your chest asap! Soon as I get back to Miami.

    16. You are right about them growing up fast enough as it is.
      We moved here to Texas from California the year before my oldest started kindergarten. If we had stayed, she would have started that year, but I had her home for one more year before she went off to school. It was a great year. She had a little more time to mature, time to meet more people, time to adjust to a whole new state.
      I graduated at 17 years old and it sucked. I was ALWAYS the youngest in my class. I drove last. I was still really a child when I started college. My mother and grandmother thought it was so great that I started school so young, but it was bad in the long run. I was far too immature to be out on my own that early. I turned out alright, but I really could have used that extra year in the cocoon of home.

    17. I always laugh at the weekly wrap-up because the Mom blog link comes after the Sex link everytime and then I realised..well yeah, that’s how it works in life anyways, the bloggess is a genius at formatting it seems. And then I got more alcohol and slapped a wasp. He had it coming. Was all in my face.

    18. Oh, and I’d buy your house from ya. If I lived in that area. But no. Too many doors when you face one direction. There’s enough bad choices I make every day to have that as well.

    19. I am in serious awe of your photoshopping abilities…either that or you pay some great people to do amazing things. I too agree that god mad vagina’s too small…but don’t want him to go overboard and make them gaping holes where kids just fall out…which apparently is an epidemic in Detriot where some chick went pee and had a kid fall out. And to top it off she didn’t know she was pregnant…so not only was Jesus born in a pile of shit, she is also the virgin mary’s offspring.

      I missed your posts this week but am so glad to catch up like this!! Peace out girl scout!



    20. I’m sitting here surrounded by boxes, and trying to figure out how I’m going to find time to clean up a flooded basement (we had a flash flood here today – right in the middle of my packing), and feeling so overwhelmed. So I thought, “the Bloggess will make you laugh”.


      And THEN, I clicked on the YouTube video. You know the one. But maybe, just maybe I needed a good cry more than a good laugh.

      I’m still not sure.

    21. Holy cats, lady! Twice this week I’ve come here for the usual fare of fabulous filth and frenzy (got away from myself there) and left in a blubbery pool of sobbing girl guts. That little boy in the soldier video that wouldn’t let go even to get picked up? Oh man. I gotta go wake up my kid and hug him.

    22. You’ve made me miss my Dad so much. I gotta get home for a weekend.
      That video has turned me into a soggy, tear stained lump.
      I’m billing you for kleenex.
      And Hailey might like Wallace & Grommit. It’s an Australian clay animation thing.
      There’s movies, and a heap of shorts, and I think the humour might appeal, although it’s a bit subtle in places for the average 5 year old. I’m sure she’ll get it.

    23. Although it’s good that your house didn’t house zombies, I’m still concerned about the ever-present threat of radioactive spiders.

    24. The curtain is awesome.

      And any sentence — or blog title — that includes glitter, feathers, and fake penises, means you are gay. Or a drag queen. Or most likely a gay drag queen. Or a fag hag. All are awesome, by the way…

    25. Nice work on the dildo decorating! Although that one with the moustache was a bit unsettling to me. Reminded me too much of my junior high history teacher. Pretty sure it was the moustache and not the sparkly adornments on the balls. And now I’m going to have nightmares. Thanks Jenny. Thanks a lot.

    26. My daughter starts kindergarten tomorrow and last night she told her sister to avoid getting her mouth in the bathtub water because it had buttjuice in it. I didn’t think about things like that in kindergarten.

    27. 1. I just spent 9 minutes and 30 seconds crying. (I held out for the first 37 seconds.)

      2. After responding to your tweet about the price reduction on the zombie-free house, I was immediately followed by 22 real estate agents.

      The house might be zombie free but I’m totally unsure about the housing industry as a whole.

    28. I recently got out of the military and I consider myself one tough customer but the solider coming home video will make any person cry with empathy.

    29. Well, I came here to laugh. But man. That soldier video just reminded me what a girl I am. Thank you for linking to it. It was, well, amazing. And I guess my ducts needed a little flush.

    30. Oh my god, Jenny, I didn’t stop crying either. I think at one point, I looked down at the seconds passing away, and I was like, I’ve been crying for six minutes, and there’s STILL FOUR TO GO. At which, I only sobbed harder. How awesome was that? Kudos to you and the intern for that gem.

    31. The soldier coming home video is the meanest thing I’ve ever watched. I cried the whole 10 minutes.

    32. This summer is not playing nice with my sinuses, and I was about to cave and get one of those neti pots. Fortunately I found that soldier video just in time, and I am all cleared out from the rivers of tears produced. Thanks for saving me the money Bloggess!

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