Sad panda

I can only hope that I was outbid by Victor, who is planning an elaborate taxidermy-squirrel-themed birthday party for me.


124 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Poor you. No seriously, I’m so sorry. That’s….that’s just tragic.

    Think of all the squirrels it could have kept out of your birdfeeders.

    Bridget recently posted For now we see through a glass- darkly but then face to face toe to toe- shoulders squared.

  2. I demand a recount and a full audit of the bidding process.

  3. Shhhh. Now you have gone and ruined my surprise.

    Janis @ Sneak Peek At Me recently posted Tis The Season- First Picture With Santa.

  4. I cry when I see that notification. Saddest notification ever, indeed.

    “Created by an experienced taxidermist”. As opposed to the kinds who aren’t experienced at all? Hm.

    Sarah Elizabeth recently posted Of Tentacle Rape- Nipples- and Hat-Butts.

  5. 5
    Kegan Schuyler May

    I wish it was I who outbid you1

  6. That squirrel looks like it would make a good date to my office Christmas party… think he has ever photocopied his furry behind?


    Simple Dude recently posted Survey SAYS!!!.

  7. Meh. The top hat is a little too precious. It’s best to hold out for a fez, anyway. Never compromise, litte Bloggess, never compromise!


    My new stuffed militant squirrel fires in your general direction.


    moooooog35 recently posted John Wayne Gacy Gets a Vanity Plate!.

  9. I swear Ebay only exists to break your heart.
    I have a beautiful hoof bottle with a shoulder strap I’d let you have for the right price. When you drink out of it
    it’s like a bovine salute.
    On second thought, I don’t know if I can part with it now.

  10. Even I’d stay away from that badass squirrel. He’s bad for business.

  11. It’s good to see that taxidermied squirrels now come with a gun and tophat. I’m sure they’ll need both in the afterlife.

    Esther Crawford recently posted Creating A New Foster Adoption Plan.

  12. Can’t help it, I still like Super Squirrel better. I bet he had nuts of steel!

    Brandi recently posted Melodic MondaysMy Favorite Star Sings about a Star.

  13. 13
    Benjamin Sutton

    If I had the moneyz I’d totally buy this for myself, I’d put him in front of my window to ward off potential burglars (people scare easy in England.)

  14. Okay so I have some questions:
    1. It says “Wild Animal” – how wild *is* this squirrel?
    2. It’s in the “Collectables” category. Does that mean you can collect them all? Are they like Happy Meal toys? Is there a whole squirrel artillery squad? Is one of them wearing a fedora instead of a tophat?


    LaraLev recently posted “Watermelon Mania” isn’t a thing.

  15. Oh NOO! That thing is incredibly amazing and frightening. I would love to put that somewhere in your house! Not mine though. My 2 year old would be terrified. (Because I would yelp every time I saw it.)

    Renelle recently posted Brownies!.

  16. SHIT!!!! First no Tequila Gun, now this!!
    What is there to be thankful for?

  17. *sadness*

    On the other hand, you have a picture, and isn’t your dad a taxidermist? As far as squirrels go, I’m sure the State of Texas won’t miss one or two…


    EdT. recently posted Reality TeeVee and the Culture Wars.

  18. What is that, a Ruger?
    Pfft. Amateur.

    Gina recently posted Tis the Season!.

  19. Meh. I liked super-squirrel better. He was ripping his own skin off!

  20. Soooo…. I looked at this earlier when you posted it to twitter… and then got an email FULL of taxidermied gray squirrels. One was on a vespa, another playing a piano and, ummm, tophat and gun?

  21. This is so perfect for you! I hope whomever bought it realizes they could not possibly need or want it as much as you and sends it to you as an anonymous Christmas gift.

    Or we could hunt them down and steal it for you.

    Their call.

    Kernut the Blond recently posted Ten Things I’m Grateful For.

  22. If that was a tequila shotgun, that would truly be heartbreaking.

  23. Perhaps it was Jan I. Tor. Maybe he bought it for his Lady.

    Penelope recently posted Day Trip to NYC - Part 1 .

  24. Excuse me, that was Dr. Jan Itor. I wikied.

    Penelope recently posted Day Trip to NYC - Part 1 .

  25. Perhaps it will be a taxidermied gun themed party…the squirrel AND the tequila shotgun. Victor is AMAZING!

  26. No, I’m sorry…THIS is a sad panda:
    (in an earlier incarnation of this site, he called it the “Panda-Morphing Sofa”)

  27. I may seriously shit my pants if I opened that on Christmas morning. Take that as you will.

    C @ Kid Things recently posted My IUD and Me- The Breakup.

  28. If anyone deserves a squirrel like that it’s you.

    Rachel recently posted The ends of things.

  29. The squirrel looks sad. I’d buy it if they turned that frown upside down.

  30. aww. needs an xmas hat 🙂

  31. And it sold for $40? I just sold a working laptop for $120 on eBay. I think I’ve been robbed.

    anna @ the hookup column recently posted Virgins Can’t Take Cosmo Quizzes.

  32. I showed the picture to my 3-year-old, and she was all “um, cute?” At least she’s already learned to humor me.

  33. Guns don’t kill people; squirrels kill people.

    Laura recently posted I Am So Incrediby Good At This.

  34. Seriously, why is the squirrel holding a gun? Did it shoot itself in the head, causing a horrific wound that’s being hidden by the top hat? Or was the squirrel valiantly defending itself against an overzealous taxidermist? I’d want to know the answers to these questions before bidding on it.

    Laura recently posted I Am So Incrediby Good At This.

  35. I have a dead pet mouse I can send your way. My daughters named it Brown Eye, but you’re welcome to rename it. It’s not wearing a hat and it doesn’t own a gun, and it’s tongue is sticking out slightly, but it will do. Please send me a mailing address as soon as possible.

    Merry Christmas.

    Mama Kat recently posted Weekly Writing Prompts.

  36. The really scary part is now you’ve created a NEED, a DEMAND for stuffed squirrels in top hats holding guns.

    One might wonder how far away “pregnant bride squirrel and her entire dysfunctional wedding party made of two stoats, one pidgeon, and some meal worms” can be.

    Bridget recently posted For now we see through a glass- darkly but then face to face toe to toe- shoulders squared.

  37. Very sad indeed that you lost Tophat Squirrel to some bounder. You deserve at least a hug as compensation.

  38. I am now on my way out side armed with a 9mm Sig Sauer to try and find a suitable replacement.Don’t try to stop me as the holidays are upon us an I am drinking in accordance. Time is of the essence as my family arrives arround 4pm tomorrow and I would like the squirrell blood gone by then.


    A Vapid Blonde recently posted The Thanks I Get- HER Journey.

  39. An=AND
    And by arround I really mean around. There is a difference yo!


    A Vapid Blonde recently posted The Thanks I Get- HER Journey.

  40. I don’t get it. Everywhere I look on e bay they spell it “collectible” and I can’t find that category. You’re ebay is weird (and possessed, possibly).

  41. I don’t understand how you had a limit on your bids – that bad boy is priceless.

    tanniah recently posted Giving Thanks.


    Just place it near the door to your house…guaranteed to ward off robbers, zombies, and other unsightly pests.

  43. I don’t think that this one is sold out:

    Maelie Jade recently posted -The Organization Problem-.

  44. Hands up if you look at the word “tophat” and pronounce it “toe-fat”…..

    Me too.

    *high five*

    Gina recently posted Tis the Season!.

  45. Awwwww. Don’t be sad. There’s BOUND to be a stuffed reindeer dressed like Mrs. Claus come up next month. You’ll probably have to buy a gun for it yourself though.

  46. Now there’s a squirrel who’s dressed for a Tea Party in Britain and over here.

    Fred Miller recently posted How I Got Crippled.

  47. Make your own! Dur!

    How hard could it be?

    Betsy B.Honest recently posted Let Them Look.

  48. You were probably outbid by David Sedaris.

  49. I was dually inspired, you are my hero.

  50. Maybe you can get one created by an inexperienced taxidermist.

    kyknoord recently posted Duplicity.

  51. It has clearly been a down couple of days for you. So, I hesitate to tell you this, but, I don’t think Victor is coming through on this one.
    I know. It blows.
    But, look, he hasn’t been on your side of late. He didn’t get you a tequila gun, he didn’t tell you if you were in Mexico or not, and he dismissed your trivia skills.

    Carrie recently posted Hannah Update.

  52. Aww….and created by an experienced taxidermist too.

    A quality piece.

    Sorry. Didn’t mean to twist the knife.

    My bad.

    Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points recently posted Locate foot Pull trigger.

  53. Holy cow that sparks some ideas. You could do some crazy shit with taxidermy. You could make this big, elaborate, imaginative room with waterfalls and flowers that would include many taxidermified animals such as this squirrel with the gun, a turtle with nunchuks (sound familiar?,) a raccoon taking a shit, a chilhuahua sniffing the squirrel’s ass, a salamandar sniffing the turtle’s ass, an anteater eating ants off of the raccoon’s turds, a duckbilled platypus sitting on a small chair jerkin his gerkin with a badger sitting into the chair next to him holding the platypus’s hand and drinking a miniature bottle of Dad’s Old Fashioned Root Beer with the other hand, a frog doing rope climbs that an orangutan wearing an Indian headdress, sitting Indian style in front of a campfire is holding, a horse just standing there being a horse and much, much more. There is no end to the possibilities when it comes to taxidermy.

    Rico Swaff recently posted How Swaff Pissed Poff Off.

  54. It just hit me. I should have clarified that the orangutan is holding the rope that the frog is climbing while he wears his headdress by the camp fire. He isn’t holding the frog itself. I inadvertently slaughtered some of that. I wonder how much a taxidermified orangutan would cost. I’m guessing a lot.

    Rico Swaff recently posted How Swaff Pissed Poff Off.

  55. I was in Nashville a few weeks ago, saw this- – and thought of you.

  56. Oh my shit dude. Why are you even sad? Have you seen what else they have?! “Wild gray squirrel playing a piano” “Wild gray squirrel on a VESPA SCOOTER” “Wild gray squirrel on a log”…. ok the log one is lame. Lots of squirrels are on logs. But the other ones? AWESOME. Get to bidding..before I do.

  57. huh. “created by an experienced taxidermist” i don’t think i like the possible options here.

    also, i don’t think it’s a top hat. i’m sorry, but i’m sure that is a jaunty pilgrim’s hat. it is pilgrim squirrel. did that make the pain easier to bear? probably not. that’d be the most kick-ass thanksgiving centerpiece EVER.

    i’m not helping, am i? sorry.

    Ericka recently posted Bel Air Nissan Is Evil- Even For A Car Dealership.

  58. That picture screams squirrel revenge. Makes you think twice about taxidermy.


  59. So, given the small number of squirrels in Australia, trawling for a jaunty squirrel with a banjo and one of those hats with corks around the brim, returned no hits. Looking further afield, I found this guy who I thought was the squirrel reincarnation of Che Guevara:

    According to the description, he has a realistic GI Joe gun, a fetching felt beret and “his facial expression says it all, this is one tough looking creation”. I’m truly quivering. Truly.

  60. I once had a neighbor with a shitload of taxidermied squirrels displayed in his living room. None of them wore clothes. Your squirrel is better. That is, the squirrel you almost had but now do not have.

    Angela@beggingtheanswer recently posted Death Awaits You All With Nasty- Big- Pointy Teeth.

  61. –>I have nightmares with squirrels in them and they hiss at me in real life. The only good thing about that item is that the squirrel is DEAD. (Squirrels freak me out!)

    WebSavvyMom recently posted Everyone Talks at the Same Time.

  62. Wow. That’s it, just wow.

    Lookie Lou, Web TV for Pet Lovers recently posted What pets teach us about Thanksgiving Do you have Turkey Guards.

  63. Ha! I would have loved to put that up in a tree for my grandfather to find when he decided to go out and rid the place of squirrels!

    SisterMerryHellish recently posted Out of Portion Control.

  64. I have two words for you: Auction Sniper. It’s the only way. I sniped my current car on eBay a few years back, even! Getting out-bid at the last second when you think you’ve won something SUCKS so bad that I’ve been forced into becoming one of those evil last-second bidders. If you can’t beat ’em…

    Snarkier Than You recently posted I Can No Longer Mock Your Stupid Hobby.

  65. Is it wrong to love your post comments as much as your posts? Seriously, your readers are like the Ayn Rand creative minds collective.

  66. What I mean is – Can we all go live in a valley together? A douche-canoeless valley? All we need is a humor powered generator with “I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never lose my sense of humor, nor ask another man the question You Think That’s Funny?.” inscribed on the door.

  67. Damnit! Well, now I’ve got to figure out something else to get Grandma…

    MonsteRawr recently posted The Great Pantie Debate.

  68. Why don’t you show us the stuffed squirrel you already have at home? You know, the one with the vibrator and nipple clamps. You know you have one, don’t lie.

    Poor little guy never had a chance, did he? If only somebody had given him a few tips on life, he might not have wound up like this. Speakin’ of tips…

    If I were God recently posted Tips for Life from fetus to five.

  69. My niece in the bay area works at a museum where they have stuffed mice in all sorts of bizarre poses doing atypical things. I know it’s no squirrel wearing a top hat while holding a gun, but would one of them make an acceptable substitute? If you’re interested, just shoot me a quick email and I’ll get a list of all the different ones that they have in stock.

  70. But is he holding a tequila rifle? It would be so much better with tequila.

    Dangerboy recently posted Geek Update- Shattering.

  71. I want that squirrel. It would make an awesome centerpiece on my dining room table, which remains un-center-pieced, since my jar-full-of-doll-heads idea was vetoed. I really need to start stop trolling the web for frightening Twilight memorabilia because if I had seen this earlier, i would have outbid everyone. I’m sad for you Bloggess, but sadder for me.

    Jenny Jerkface recently posted I Can No Longer Mock Your Stupid Hobby.

  72. Holy shit!! I had no idea you could buy taxidermied animals on ebay. I’m totally checking out a skunk so I can put it in my yard and scare the shit out of my husband since we have real skunks in our yard all the time. yes!!

    P.S. Who knew there were so many shitty taxidermists. I mean seriously. I could stuff a coon better than some of the ones I see on there.

    P.P.S. Who the fuck would want a possum? I can send you a live one if you wanted one that bad. I’ve got plenty around here.

    P.P.S.S. That doesn’t mean I’m a hillbilly. I just live around them. I’m classy. I don’t kill animals. I just hold the flashlight so my husband can do it. Like I said, classy.

    Tiffany recently posted Ahhhh Warm And Toasty.

  73. Jenny, here’s an idea: go out and shoot a squirrel (be sure to use a small caliber rifle, so you don’t obliterate it!), then buy the Tequila Rifle, then have your dad do his taxidermy thing on the squirrel, and put the Tequila Gun in its little tiny paws.


    EdT. recently posted WW- Reflections.

  74. I almost want to start buying up these kinds of things and sending them to you, but my hubby says that makes me a stalker, but I assure him it doesn’t since I live way the other side of the country and it would just make a faithful fan trying to make you happy. Then he gave me my little blue happy pills and then I gotz..all..sorts. of….a..ll………………….

  75. If you think that’s sad, you should try using DoodleBuddy on iPhone. You can “invite a buddy to doodle” or “draw alone”. Way to make me feel lonely DoodleBuddy.

  76. If Sean ever starts shooting squirrels in our neighborhood, I’m getting one of those and putting it up in the tree. I’ll change the top hat with a white bandanna and put a filterless Camel in his teeth. The top hat just isn’t bad-ass enough.

    Fred Miller recently posted Politics for Dumbfucks.

  77. So many questions, I just don’t even know where to begin!

    Helen recently posted The Tree Taketh and The Tree Giveth.

  78. If you decide to get a custom one made up for you by your dad, try taking a tip from these guys:

    I’m sure you could put the tequila directly into the squirrel in such a way that it pours out the barrel, and it could even be refillable!*

    * – Assuming the squirrel’s hat is removable, of course.

  79. First the rifle with the tequila, now the rifle with the stuffed squirrel. I’m sensing a pattern…

    chickens consigliere recently posted Things That I Will Tweet in the Middle of the Night if Santa Brings Me a Smarter Phone Which- For Everyones Sake- Lets Hope He Does Not.

  80. There goes James Garfield’s play date.

  81. 1. I am truly sorry for your loss. That would have made a fine addition to any collection of dead things.
    2. I find it odd that in the product description they mention the hat, but not the gun. It seems to me that the gun is more relevant to the nature of the piece.
    3. Who the f**k is going around arming squirrels?!?! Does this seem like a good idea to anyone? They’re already hard enough to keep out of a garden, but when they can shoot back, a line is crossed! Is the arms race this desperate that we’re provisioning our rodents? The rabbits will have to procure mini-bazookas just to keep up.
    4. The alternative is even more terrifying. These squirrels have discovered the secrets of constructing their own firearms. No thumbs, tiny claws, and they still managed it. What might they accomplish in the future? I will not bow down before these potential rodential conquerors.

  82. OMG, you continually crack my shit up. I almost fell off my chair laughing when I saw this! I must have one.

    Justin recently posted It Gets Better – Love Pixar.

  83. That is the awesomest thing EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I wish I still have my stuffed armadillo, Roger.
    He had a little Pilgrim hat that I made him for Thanksgiving.

    Jane recently posted .

  84. One time I bid one some guy’s soul that he was selling on ebay….because it was hilarious and I would get a certificate. I bid 5 dollars. It got up to over $25,000. I DON’T UNDERSTAND.


  85. “IDEAL CHRISTMAS PRESENT” Hmmm…. but I’m Jewish…..

  86. I “stumbled upon” this while avoiding studying for my nursing boards. Who says procrastination isn’t worthwhile? (Probably the NCLEX committee…whatever).
    I immediately knew you’d be interested.

  87. Worst.



    For real. He is perfect. That little gun is just amazing, too.

    Kendahl recently posted Remodeling- among other things.

  88. I bought you one! The only problem is I was in Bangledesh at the time.
    The good news is I used one of my Dutch invaded orifices to conceal it.
    The bad news is, you should receive it in a day or two and…Bangledeshians have weird dyesntery therapy at the airport.

    Brian recently posted What the poop.

  89. My husband would kill for that squirrel, he loves them. Hmmm….he does like to go to Miami, has a wicked set of knives in the garage, and always mentions some dark passenger.

    Elle recently posted Someone Please Send Vodka And Chocolate.

  90. Please, please, please tell me you know about this site –
    She might call it awful, but I’m thinking awesome! Bat vaginas, stuffed squirrels, owl women…REAL FLY LEG EYELASHES!
    Where’s mah credit card?

    Neeroc recently posted Goose turned two!.

  91. The next best thing is to frame one of these surprisingly well dressed squirrels: .

  92. I feel sorry for you, but am glad for the squirrel…

  93. How do I get on your Christmas list? Because that would make for an AWESOME Christmas.

    Becky Mochaface recently posted Hump Day Humor- Livin on a Prayer.

  94. I want to know why it’s only $37. seems like a steal.

    andygirl recently posted Photo of the Day- Frosty Cone.

  95. I have to admit that squirrel is the bees knees. And I would have been sad to lose out on such a prize. However, that little Boston Terrier up above him would cheer me up. So cute!

    Rachel recently posted Countdown to Turkey Day 2010.

  96. Meh. That squirrel is a pussy. Look at the expression on his face. He ain’t shootin’ nobody. Feel better now?

    Amy C recently posted Wordless Wednesday- Blast From the Past Thanksgiving.

  97. If it’s any consolation, I believe the winner’s name was ‘Bullwinkle.’

    goodfather recently posted Open letter to Seattle drivers.

  98. mr. taxidermy looks like he is holding a mini version of the tequila gun, don’t you think? this would have been 2 gifts in one. i wouldn’t count on Victor coming through on this one…….sorry.

    last post:” because I can’t speak”
    (I wrote to wordpress to ask them to fix this…again)

    Laurie recently posted Discover who likes your posts.

  99. seriously? you see what I mean. my last blog is NOT DISCOVER WHO LIKES YOUR POSTS!!!!!

    Laurie recently posted Discover who likes your posts.

  100. I, for one, welcome our new squirrel overlords.

    Mr Farty recently posted X Factor Drops Singing From Show.

    you might like these…
    <3 I'm sorry you didn't get the squirrel

  102. how come everything is so much more comical when a Tophat is involved?

    Simone recently posted No issues.

  103. Really? They can send stuff like that in the mail — from out of the country?

    tokenblogger recently posted I’m cooking tomorrow….


  105. You can probably get your dad to make you one for way cheaper than that!

  106. Holy crap that’s the best gift I’ve ever seen on EBay EVER.

    Dr. Cynicism recently posted Lesson Plans.

  107. Oh… 🙁 Sad squirrel is so much worse than sad panda.

    Dude, you did not know about Auction Snipers??!! Guaranteed to never be outbid again (OR never overpay for something because you get into a bidding war with someone at the last minute!)

    subWOW recently posted Thanksgiving is over We can be snarky again.

  108. I can’t believe it! I’m bummed I didn’t win this. I want!

    Graygrrrl recently posted Happy Birthday!.

  109. Now I’m not into taxidermy but that squirrel… I could have so totally worked him into my home decor!
    The biggest problem would have been finding a way to keep the dog from eating it!

    dawn recently posted Thanksgiving 2010 Part 1.

  110. Now your sister knows what to tell your dad to make you for Christmas. Only I’m betting the one your dad makes for you will have a freakin’ cannon. Or rocket launcher. Either way, more badass than the one that got away.

    Cynthia Yockey, A Conservative Lesbian recently posted Remembering my friend- Alan Scherr- murdered in the Mumbai massacre in 2008.

  111. 113

    Squirrel for the ethical treatment of humans, aka “an eye for an eye”.
    Truly, we are hillbillies and Cherokee half- breeds in these hills, and squirrel routinely is fried up and eaten with biscuits and gravy, a redneck dish this little fellow obviously detests. On the other hand, he may be a TV fan hunting for a new car, hoping to stun the owner with his sartorial elegance instead of the more Southern technique of deer spotlighting.
    The fellow at the bait shop at the 27-70 junction in East Tennessee needs to teach this squirrel a thing or two. His taxidermied raccoon has peacefully adapted to smoking a cigar and drinking Bud. If he ever ends up on eBay, I may go snipe-hunting for high bids.

  112. So there’s this place we call the squirrel bar in Defiance, Missouri. I feel you might enjoy it…

  113. That is sad. Have you tried punching a poodle? It helps.

    Ana recently posted The Colorblock Cowl - Handknit Chunky Neckwarmer - Rust and Steel.

  114. True story- my friend got a bride & groom squirrel accurately dressed in her & her husband’s EXACT wedding apparel for their wedding gift. His aunt specialized in dressing taxidermied squirrels. I could totally get you a deal on a taxidermied Blogess squirrel, complete with wig and kimono? let me know!

  115. 118
    Just A. Reader

    I got outbid on the Super Squirrel. Seriously, $140+ for a dead squirrel? My last girlfriend wasn’t even that expensive!

  116. I can’t look at the misshapen (is it just me, or does that word look wrong? Anyways) packages under my Christmas tree the same, now.

    Jen Dieffenbacher recently posted Caffeine.

  117. I’ve informed my boyfriend via the magic of Face Book that I want a squirrel army. In return I got a photoshopped picture of a child crying with the caption “NO YOU CANT HAVE A DEAD SQUIRREL ARMY” Along with a small insert picture of a stuffed squirrel riding a scooter with “NOT YOURS” across it.

    Damn him and his sweet photoshopping skills. Im getting a stuffed squirrel one way or another…. *sets squirrel traps*

  118. Just came across this article on and I think anyone who obviously loves squirrel humor, should check it out! I’m not sure if it was meant to be humorous or not, but I thought it was damn funny!
    I love that this is what we are spending our research dollars on! Enjoy!

  119. It’s on eBay again right now, 56 mins left, get on it!

  120. I feel sad when I heard that. I like that squirrel he looks sad but still he is cute. I want to have a stuff like this in my page (that looks happy not sad lol).

    Caleb Patterson recently posted Where To Buy Tires.

  121. 124
    Georgie Kupchinsky

    Very poor Squirrel, that stuff is perfect for my table here in office and he is cute actually. Come here, squirrel I will love you here! (nyakks! LOL). Glad to know that he is Ebay now, love to buy this one soon.

    Georgie Kupchinsky recently posted How To Dance.

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