I put off getting the new twitter for as long as possible but today they switched me over for good and now I’m so distracted by all the other shit on the screen that I can’t focus, and twitter is all “FOLLOW THE MCRIB” and “LOOK AT THESE LISTS YOU’RE ON” and now I have ADD. Thanks, twitter. Also, the new twitter has a suggestions page and I was flattered to see that I’m on it except that for some reasons I’m in the “Family” section. It’s like me, Parenting Magazine and Sesame Street. Also, I did finally look at all these lists I’m on and apparently they’re lists real people use to keep all the people they’re following seperated. I’m on lists named “YOU ARE MY SPIRIT ANIMAL”, “WOULD HELP HIDE A BODY”, “THE SHORT BUS TO HELL”, “LIKELY TO CARRY NEEDLES FOR NO REASON”, and “YOU ARE ABDUCTED NOW. I’M KEEPING YOU IN MY CELLAR”. If I’m being honest though, these are all more accurate than “Family”.
Also, this post isn’t funny at all. I just need to write something to distract me because my arthritis is trying to destroy me. Tonight I’m going to chew off my own arm.
Please distract me with your horrific family secrets or weirdest phobias or videos of hedgehogs taking baths.