Wikipedia just got a little more shallow.

One of these days I’m going to get this out, complete and on time.  Today is not that day.

What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):

What you missed on on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed in my shop (which I still need to name):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

  • I have no idea.  Honestly, I’ve had a rough week.  But if you saw something hysterical or awesome this week then leave it in the comments.  I totally owe you.

This weeks wrap-up sponsored by my friend Chris who just finished his latest book “Sherlock Holmes and the Flying Zombie Death Monkeys“. It is to great literature what The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra is to fine cinema. That is to say, it is so incredibly, masterfully horrific that you will want to buy copies for everyone you know. And I’m not just saying this because Chris is my friend. Honestly, his work speaks for itself and it would be a disservice to not share a few paragraphs from the book:

The attack had taken a horrific toll. The corpses did not lie in heaps, as for the most part their mutilation was too great too allow this. I did think of sweeping all the feet into one corner, the arms into another and so forth, but where would I stop? Making a big pile of ears on a table seemed a little morbid.

“We are in good hands, for Holmes is the best at what he does.”
“The best?”
“Beyond question,” I lied. “The man is a genius.”
She wrinkled her face in reproachful disbelief. “There are two kinds of genius.  People like Michelangelo, and the man in the pub who can play Spice Girls songs on the accordion.”
“Quite,” I murmured in surprise, wondering what she was referring to. I could only surmise that she was very ahead of her time.

Exactly. You should go buy his book now. And then go watch The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra. This is probably the best advice I’ve ever given.

63 thoughts on “Wikipedia just got a little more shallow.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. my fiance had me watch that film 4 years ago…. while I was n labor…. before the epidural…. all I remember is “I sleep now!” Which I use frequently to annoy him since its always out of context

  2. I absolutely LOVE the Feeling Stabby with disclaimer t-shirt! The problem is… I can’t wear t-shirts to work anymore. Some strange rule about them not being professional enough. Or something. Anyway. If you could make that sentiment into a magnet, I could put it in a prominent place in my cubicle so people would know it’s probably not a good day to talk to me. Or breathe in my vicinity. I would also buy one for the fridge at home. And probably the Saint James Garfield magnet, because it’s awesome and a person can never have too many magnets.

  3. I know you probably already know this blog, but this post makes me laugh every time I read it.
    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

    Hang in there, I know you’re going through a rough patch…
    Put on your panda outfit and know that there are tons of people – me included – that adore you and that will stay by your side and find you all the awesome stuff in the world just to make you smile.

    http://www.innocentenglish.com/pug-licking-screen-clean/ –> this will make you smile, and maybe cry a little. but it is my feel good trick.

  4. I love the stabby t-shirt!

    Must. Remember. To. Order. One. Once. Paid.

    ALSO.

    http://www.wimp.com/animalvoiceovers/

    ..I don’t know why I find it so amusing. But animals having voices is basically always the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Which is probably because I go around the house (zoo?) I live in making up pretend conversations for animals.

  5. While you may not have been “complete and on time”, at least you got it done. Also, you *did* give Victor that test where you jumped out at him in your Panda suit… that’s gotta count for something!

    ~EdT.

  6. Sorry your week was so sucktastic. Please don’t feel bad about needing narcotics for your pain. I felt the same way when I started taking them, but then I realized the same thing you did – they don’t make me feel high, they make feel better. The absence of pain during times like these is the best fucking feeling in the world.

    And for your viewing pleasure, Things Real People Don’t Say About Advertising – http://tpdsaa.tumblr.com/

  7. I want the stabby shirt but it’s going to have to wait until next week because I am so buying that book today.

  8. This is a video of Mike Phirman who is HILARIOUS farting a song. I don’t know what song it is, but it is all done by hand farting!

  9. You shouldn’t think twice about your weight because that wispy girl in the Look-I’m-Married-To-Jesus photo (that’s what you look like anyway, although you were probably marrying Victor, but who knows. Do you? You look a little stoned in those pictures. If you were stoned and married Jesus, I hope you got a divorce before you married Victor. I’m not lawyer, but just sayin’. )

    Deep breath. Anyway, if you still weighed the 85 pounds you appear to be in those pictures, you wouldn’t be able to put all those photos of you on the Internet with your bazoombas hanging out, which, I’m sure attracts the 98.745% of the population who either (a) admire the bazoombas, (b) have bazoombas like that and are inspired by you to start blogging as an excuse for their own bazoomba exposure, (c) wish they had bazoombas like you, and/or (d) use your bazoombas as an example for the cosmetic surgeon when they go in for bazoomba retrofitting.

    That’s just good marketing on your part so you should write your food off on your taxes (also, I’m not a tax accountant. Just sayin’.).

  10. Wait, you mean there ARE other people on this planet who have seen and love “The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra?” I thought it was just me and one other dude (who, unfortunately, turned out to be less of a kindred spirit and more of a dickface).

    Thank you, Jenny, for once again restoring my faith in humanity.

  11. I don’t know how you do it–but every single time I’m here, I leave laughing my ass off. Hey! Wait! Maybe this will be the key to taking off those extra pounds!!!

  12. I got a spam comment yesterday from a Girl Fart Fetish site, sayint they were so happy to find my post titled “Doggie Style: Poop Day Afternoon” (which was not a fetishist post in any way) and that they were adding me to their links. So THAT is awesomeness that only the internet can provide.

  13. And you were the one who posted the It Gets Better video on Twitter. *facepalm* Well, thank you for sharing the awesomeness with me!

  14. You inspire me. Hang in there with the RA. Love, love, love the words you put together and the way you think.

    Be strong, drink wine.

    xoxo- Circle

  15. My week was pretty epic with awesomeness so I’m totally adding myself right after I head to the emergency room because I just hurt myself patting my own back.

  16. I think you stumbled on to the name of your shop without knowing it…Who wouldn’t buy something from a store called “Feeling Stabby”?

    Seriously. Fuck you, Ambecrombie & Fitch, I get my goods at Feeling Stabby.

  17. You should probably kick Forbes’s ass for saying your website is in the top 100 websites for WOMEN.
    Obviously it should have read ANYONE, ANYWHERE, EVER. Except maybe in places where reading it would get you stoned in the public square. It would probably be unhealthy for people in those places to read.

  18. things that make me smile:
    -cats
    -cats who have been personified by their owners
    -playing hand games as a child (no, not the dirty ones, thankyouverymuch.)

    so, I give you this:

    and also this, because who doesn’t like being inappropriate sometimes:

  19. That stabby shirt is hilarious! & the wedding pic you posted on the mom blog is absolutely beautiful! ^___^ I literally verbalized an “Awww! She looks so pretty!!!” when I saw it. 🙂

  20. “During sex, grab your partner’s belly and shake it while making menacing Jabba-the-Hut sounds. Then say you’re just kidding. Girls love a guy with a good sense of humor.”

    I think that’s why I went on my last diet. OH, and why I have a body buried out back.

    And can you make a shirt about shanking? I like shanking jokes but most people don’t find them funny. Let me specify. Shanking as with shivs. Not shanking as in golf.

    Just a thought.

  21. Sorry you’re feeling so cruddy Jenny. We all love you! I wish I could do more than just tell you that.

    Also, I so need to subscribe to your twitter feed apparently. 🙂

  22. wikipedia just got a little more shallow! haha! i love reading funny, I mean, interesting bloggers 🙂

    wikipedia is awesome! congratulations 🙂

  23. I’m a little confused–is Wikipedia more shallow because the entry for The Bloggess is facing speedy deletion, or because the speedy deletion is being contested? Because I think without information on Jenny, Wikipedia will actually be deeper. Lamer, suckier, and not as fun, but deeper. Sorry, your Bloggessness–I just calls ’em as I sees ’em.

  24. First of all, I’d like to send you huge hugs and a slobbery kiss just because. I too have arthritis, but apparently not as bad as yours, although I probably whine a lot more than you do. I hope you find relief…Arthritis sucks.

    Second of all, I forgot what I was going to say.

  25. The other day I said I was feeling stabby to a couple of coworkers. They said “then maybe we’ll get Chinese for lunch” WTF? I need a new job, or maybe just new coworkers, or maybe better medication.
    PS-Jenny, glad the narcotics worked-sometimes you have to bring out the big guns.

  26. I don’t want to write a book so much as I’d just really like to be able to claim to be the author of a book with a title like that.

    I think I’m going to be a fake book author.

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