I fucking love you people

I put commentluv on my blog awhile back and it’s nice because it’ll tell you the title of the last blog post that each commenter has written.  It will also make you question their sanity.  And it’ll make you want to buy them a drink because they all seem to have captivating stories.  Captivating and totally baffling.  Bafflvating. I think I just invented a new word.

Personally, I like to look through the blog titles because I imagine these are exactly the kind of thoughts that people are having when they are looking very studied and serious as their boss is lecturing them about the importance of TPS reports.  As a psychological tool it is fascinating.  And slightly terrifying.  Fascifying?  No.  No, that would be ridiculous.

Actual blog post titles pulled directly from my comment section which make me both proud and a little bit intimidated of the community we’ve grown here:

Did I ever tell you about the time I got thrown in jail in Venezuela?

My dog likes to smoke Marlboros.

This is not a hooker/ pimp transaction.

Why does my food keep talking to me?

Calculators FTW!

A dollar for your stache

The man with a booger in his ear

Excuse me – you’re standing on my neck.

I need a witty title to go here but – eh- fuck it- I’m too lazy.

There’s a bucket in my hole.

Why does my house smell like omelettes?

Oh!  Sparkles.

The new adventures of a naughty schoolgirl.

CarSeat CHAIR!  BEEP BEEP!

Hemingway just rolled over in his grave.

Cryptorkian WTF

Got sucked in – but no snorting

The night I fell down the stairs.

So long and thanks for all the cheese

Today is my 41st birthday and I’m celebrating by not having a massive mental breakdown.

Mitochondrial DNA and Generational stages – Pillow Talk

RIP Brett Favre

I can’t make Mario Lopez ugly

Dear lady who fell into a mall fountain while walking and texting – let me show you how it’s done.

Samarai Mushroom Comics Chapter 7 – The meeting of the three

How do you say “Please don’t vacuum up the dead wasps” in Spanish?

Short and sweet: I think I just saw a clip of a penis

The chicken dance of shame.

Being lazy with your speech causes your spouse to question your sexuality

Greetings, Vegetables.

Animals are trying to kill me.

The two stupidest people on earth live in our house

Could you party like a rock star in a funeral home

We don’t eat them because they are too cute

I’m never buying panties again

Where banana seats come from.

My prettiest toe

I find myself in love with an inanimate object yet again

Dear nudist

Update – Don’t let a monkey write your query letter

SQUIRREL!

To hell with the curtains.

My fartpartment

Waiters are people too.

Sarah Palin in the aquarium

A bushel and a uke

Heidi the cross-eyed opossum causes media frenzy

The Bastardization of American Literature

I’m no cleaning guru but at least I know better than to drink a mopped-up soda.

I’m pretty sure I’m being haunted by a ghost who wants to steal my identity.

My cat would never wear this.

163 thoughts on “I fucking love you people

Read comments below or add one.

  1. OK, so you have just created a whole days work for me. I must find every single one of these blog posts and read them. I’m not sure whether to thank you or kill myself.

  2. Wow. All I can say is I’m going to have to really re-think the general blandness of my titles. Seriously?! What was I thinking? I think my favourite might be the chicken dance of shame. Maybe.

  3. Ah, to see inside the brains of even a fraction of these people would be the journey of a lifetime… The “different” keep things interesting!

  4. If fucking Comment Luv didn’t keep banning me, you could fucking see my very fucking witty titles.

    Or, I could think of it as being too cool for Comment Luv. BUT STILL.

    So I’ll just put my latest title here because Comment Luv is a fucking asshole (to me):
    “There’s hardly anything better than waking up to your kid farting in your face.”

  5. I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that there’s a certain level of oh-my-gosh-I-AM-a-total-nerd-ness to the fact that I am stoked to be on this list.

  6. I remember seeing “My house smells like omelettes” and I was dying to read it put my toddler was doing something that caused me to have mommy brain so I forgot. I need to look that one up along with “My Fartpartment”. Maybe it’s a companion piece since we all know eggs smell like farts.

  7. Mitochondrial DNA and Generational stages – Pillow Talk + My fartparment are by far my favorite titles of ever. I must find these blogs and follow them and/or make a religion out of their writings.

    Also, I have got to amp up my blog titles…

  8. So long and thanks for all the fish. Because it makes me smile ( and because 8 sharks grow legs, climb up on shore and start feasting on unicorns every time you don’t)

  9. What a brilliant idea – the internets are riddled with magic and wonder, no? Oh and “Bafflvating?” Totally contacting Webster on your behalf.

  10. This is one of the reasons I love reading your comments. I have found some pretty hilarious and/or fucked up blogs here, so thank you for that.

  11. see, now i feel even more pressure to come up with witty titles.

    ALSO. am i the only person who always sees the word ‘titties’ when reading ‘witty titles’???

  12. And now I feel inspired and motivated…..my titles are so boring. Just once I’d like to include the word “fuck” in a title and not be the least bit worried……

  13. I guess it’s all in the title. Now I need to actually start trying to name things better, although the “Did I ever tell you about the time I got thrown in jail in Venezuela?” title is really close to one that I am currently working on.

    Suddenly, I feel inadequate.

  14. I want to read “Sarah Palin in the aquarium”! Grateful that I can google and find it.

    Naming your posts is an art form: you want it to attract people’s attention and yet you don’t want to seem like you are trying too hard (even though you are…)

  15. I just would like to point out that while my last post title is a huge dud, I did notice that, in order in the comments here, we have at #22 “My Balls – A Follow Up Story” and #23 “Going Down Under”, which really deserves some kind of Kismet of the Universe prize.

  16. I love comment luv, too. And I’m posting a second comment so it loves me back. (Why the frick frack does it not work on the first post, when you’ve commented the blog before, and it just decides to forget you? That ain’t luv baby)

  17. OK, that’s better.

    I LOVE comment luv on my blog. And yours. I get the biggest kick out of titles. And I also like that some of my readers “discover” each other this way, expand the community to support each other. Coolness.

  18. Please, please, please – I need to know where I can find the blog/writer of “Today is my 41st birthday and I’m celebrating by not having a massive mental breakdown.”

    I could have used the post as a how-to last week, but better late than never, right?

  19. HAhaha! who needs google reader – I’ll just browse through the comment luv. May have just laughed so hard its time for an undie change.

  20. I had a post the other day titled “Totally not a squirrel.” Makes me wonder how many people out there ARE writing about squirrels!

  21. Comment Luv hates me too, which is a shame because I was quoting Shakespeare.

    And banging on about not getting sleep but I want to look sophisticated, dammit.

  22. You do realize…curtains are the devil, right? So, technically, curtains going to hell is really like going home.

    (yay you liked my curtain title!?! Right?)

  23. I can’t stop giggling and my boyfriend is giving me nervous glances, but I have to keep worrying him because I second Carolyn — I now have to find each of these blog posts and read them! So long productivity!

  24. I can say without reservation that I would want to hang out with each and every one of those folks. And probably will. In a home. A safe, safe, home.

  25. that is the greatest list i’ve ever seen. i hope that’s what everyone is thinking during a shit meeting with their boss. also – thinking about adding this to my blog comments, too. genius.

  26. I don’t know which of my toes is the prettiest, but I know the ugliest. It’s the middle on my left foot, mostly because it’s got a black toenail from running.

  27. After I comment on your post I go through the other commenters and choose by title what I want to read next…so yeah I’ve read most of the ones you just posted. And MINE IS IN THERE 😀

  28. I kind of wish you had included links because I’m really curious about most of these… for example, a fartpartment? But I’m also glad you didn’t because I’d at least like to be a little bit productive today. 🙂

  29. I am very honored to have made the list, as well….even though my husband’s response when I told him was. “Now, the whole fucking world will know how stupid I am…snuffle, snuffle, wheeze.”

    A little late to worry about that now, mister.

  30. You are a cruel, cruel woman. Or maybe I’m lazy, but you need to compel all of the authors to out themselves so we can go check them out. A Bloggess blogging love-in.

  31. I’m never buying panties again

    Where banana seats come from.

    My prettiest toe

    Like… camel toe?? Interesting string, there!

  32. The least you can do is link each of those up so I don’t have to spend my whole damn day searching for them. That’s all I’m sayin…..

  33. you’ve inspired me to come up with more intriguing titles… i love that you have comluv – i’ve found so many amazingly, brilliant, hilariously incredible writers from reading through your comments.

    you’re a fucking generous genius. most geniuses are just assholes.

  34. Well, this list has totally depressed my outlook of my own blog… But I still bow down happily to your awesomeness!!!

  35. Now I need to spend the rest of my day tracking down these stories! Eh – productivity is overrated. I should be having a snow-day anyway. Working from home isn’t all that great on days like today… DAMMIT!

  36. Other people’s blog titles that appear beneath their names have been the reason I have clicked on thier blogs to read what they’re all about. I’ve even “followed” some of them. In a good way, not a stalker way (unless that is what they want). And I love when new blog posts from those I like show up in my reading list! Carry on you fabulous freaks, I love you all!

  37. I now feel a profound sense of loss for seeing some of those and not reading then, and now they are gone forever. *Thanks* for rubbing in my face that I’m too lazy to Google.

    There are too many Stephs here. I keep wondering why I’ve already commented and am slowly getting paranoid that I have selective amnesia.

  38. I have to get my Wednesdays blog up.. its going to be late, due to having to read all these blogs, its so worth it and i am sure my readers will understand! Jenny you have amazing minions!

  39. These post titles are amazaballs. The vacuuming wasp story was hilarious. Her mom gave her a Mexican…of her very own. So jealous.

  40. Why won’t CommentLuv pick me up? How can I ever expect to achieve world domination (and I mean that in the worst possible way), if I am continually thwarted by CommentLuv???

  41. Even though none of mine are on this list…*sniff* There is one dedicated to me. A Bushell and A Uke….That Elly totally brightened my sky that day!

    Also the title of my post today is not at all depraved so for that I bow down and humbly apologize…

  42. I’ve read many of those posts and that is why comment-luv rocks, but I do agree with Angie @ A Whole Lot of Nothing (comment 6) the banning of the url does kind of suck a mooses ding dong.

  43. Yayyyyy! What a FUN game! Loved every title, and kinda wished (that one of mine made the cut) that I could link and read some of them. Very intriguing indeed. You have the best readers (if I do say so myself!)

    Thanks. Ah, now I want a cigarette (and I don’t even smoke)

  44. Comment Love Never works for me! Someone — anyone, tell me how to fix this. I will step up my titling if you tell me how I can make it display.

  45. I often read the cool little titles and giggle hysterically at some that pop up. Seriously, I think the people here are the greatest combination of weird and psychotic… it makes me happy to have finally found a home.

  46. Oooooooooooooooooooooooohkay. NOW I understand why I was getting a shit-ton of Google searches for my Omelette post!! (Why I felt the need to capitalize that word is unknown… anyway).

    I feel so uber-super-special (in a safe house kind of way) to have made the list! Jenny, you rock!

    Also, a serious lol @ Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points for the “sort of stream of consciousness self-help post” idea.

    You may like the title of my current post, too.

  47. LOL … I have no blog page (much as friends keep pressuring me), but my next posting on Facebook will be titled:
    “The Lunesta Butterfly is EVIL … and Possibly Radioactive”. Let me know if you want me to send you the link!!

  48. Why Oh Why didn’t you make my life a bit easier by linking the actual blog to the title. Now I will get nothing else done today. I fucking love this place.

    I don’t have a blog, but if I did it would have something to do with why parenting teenagers suck.

  49. It’s really hard to stifle laughs when your room mate is in the room and it ends up sounding like you are choking on saliva and rainbows. Or at least that’s what I sound like. Don’t know about you…
    *cough*

  50. Thanks to you posting the titles of commenters’ blogs I’ve found some of my very favorite sites! I also buy books based on the title and/or cover art though so don’t put too much stock into my opinion.

  51. Clearly I need to work on my blog headlines. New criteria: Should sound totally normal coming from the mouth of the cracked out “contemporary poet” living under the freeway overpass.

    Also, I am dying to find out what the cat would never wear.

  52. also, my boyfriend says to tell you: ‘thank you for helping to make my girlfriend internet-famous without her having to show her tits.’ so, you will always have that i guess…

  53. Wow, I sometimes forget how much awesome this comment section is when I can’t be bothered to read all zillion and one of them.

    As a faithful Bloggess minion who is also unemployed and too tired/lazy to go acquire food like I need too… I feel like I have a project for today.

    Blog titles, links, names and opening sentences perhaps.

    Or maybe I’ll just upload my scribbles, spend half the day thinking of a witty title, then hope CommentLuv can love my Tumblr.

    Love from the girl that dreamt about entering the Bloggess’ house through a window somebody else had broken (and how awesomely not-worried Jenny was about my intrusion).

  54. This is why I hesitate to leave comments on your blog…it’s like everyone is just as oddly funny as you, except my boring old posts 🙂 You inspire us all

  55. To the person who asks why their house smells like omelettes… I frequently have to ask why my house smells like dirty feet. I smelled my own feet. they don’t smell dirty. A conundrum!

  56. Ditto to the other Nicole, only quite obviously, I’m worse as I can’t even be bothered to come up with that amount of creativity.

  57. Okay, so your comments don’t like brackets…here’s the rest of my post….

    (sigh)

    Aren’t you glad I made sure to include it? Yeah, me too.

  58. Given your affection for commentluv, I’d like to say that I’m ordering a panda onesie as soon as fucking possible because I announced yesterday that I’m going solo. I anticipate having no-pants Thursdays, Panda-Onesie-Sundays and many more adventures now that I’m not in an office anymore.

    True story – your readers’ blog post titles could easily be pickup lines in other countries. Or planets.

  59. Oh wow. After a truly crappy day, I was so excited to see one of my titles on your list. (My Prettiest Toe) Then I was instantly humbled by all the other titles that were so much more awesome. Gonna have to check them all out….after my pedicure. 🙂

  60. How many of us scanned those titles like speed readers on crack to see if we were on it? And then felt a little like we didn’t make the cheerleading squad, AGAIN. But I do bow to the masters, because that is some funny shit.

  61. Right …. thats why I love coming here. Not only do you make me laugh but so do the readers.
    Its official… we are all insane!

  62. Holy cow! I made the list? Are you sure you didn’t make a mistake and put it on this list when it should have been on another list – like the “Stay far, far away from this one – she’s a nutjob and a half” list? Because that seems more like the list I would usually be on.

  63. I’ve had so much fun perusing the blogs listed at this site-they’re AMAZING! Wish i didn’t need to sleep…

  64. “TPS reports”.
    Hee hee.
    I loved this post & needed it after the kind of day during which i have been waiting since 9am for it to turn 5pm so I can start drinking. Friction’ kids.

  65. WOW!

    When I saw my post title on the list…I feel like they let me set at the cool kids table at lunch.

    Then I realized I hadn’t written a new post since that one….and then it felt like someone anounced free hand jobs were for dessert and it was my turn to serve.

  66. I am honoured to have made the list my dear Bloggess! You’re an inspiration and a source of encouragement for bloggers everywhere!!

  67. Although I do love me some Blogess, I also love your commenters. Some days I will just scroll through the titles and find the offbeat ones and read them. I have found many a new blog to follow that way. Glad to know I am not the only one. Now I am off to read the blog posted above my comment because I like sugar cookies too.

  68. I scrolled up from the bottom, so was kind of reading this post backwards. I thought they were all random thoughts from just *your* brain, Jenny. And was slightly surprised to find they weren’t.

  69. As the author of “This is Not A Hooker/ Pimp Transaction”, I should let you know that I ripped that title straight outta Portlandia. And now I feel all plagerizey . Like you people think I’m clever or something but I’m not. I have good taste. This much is true.

    Honest to God, I thought “If I comment on The Bloggess, people will read this and think that I’m a bag of delight.” But I didn’t think that I’d get called out on my inability to think creatively for myself. Damn.

    Honest Libby is honest.

  70. Lol – these are all fantastic… “So long and thanks for all the cheese” is my second-favourite quote of all time. (My favourite DA quote is “It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.” )

  71. I recognize some of these titles as belonging to bloggers I like! Others belong to dorks whose posts I print out and use for poorly trained rescue dog crate training lining.

  72. I don’t see why you haven’t heard of “Bafflvating.” It’s a perfectly cromulent word.

    Also, thanks for listing a couple of my titles. I feel really special 🙂

    Except now I have a crippling anxiety that the rest of my blog titles will never live up to the ones you mentioned.

    But I still feel special.

  73. I don’t know why, but “I’m never buying panties again” is my favorite. Followed by, “Why does my food keep talking to me?” The food one mainly because I’ve been known to have public conversations with food and it’s weird…

  74. Also…comment luv doesn’t work for me on your blog. I think it’s because I blogged about tampon shoes and Oprah Winfrey and Oprah Winfrey sent her minions out to block me from comment luv.

    Oh shit….look at that. It works if I use the blogspot address but not if I use the domain. That’s madness. Why the hell did I buy the domain name in the first place?

    I’m sorry, Oprah.

    I’m probably in so much more trouble with her now.

  75. I was so sad not to make the list with my second most recent post. I thought for sure it was an awesome title. I will try harder from now on.
    BTW, Daria reference, FTW!!!

  76. Note to self: Must think up better blog titles.

    Also, I anticipate that today will consist of some hard core procrastination as I just have to read ALL of those posts.

  77. I have to say I watched the chicken dance of shame, gotta say it was worth it. So…..maybe today’s link Sheldon Does the Salsa doesn’t snag you up, how about the Chore Wheel of Death, or Confessions of an Ex Paperboy. Curious, you should be.

  78. So I’m sipping my koffie here in Nederland, checking out one of my absolute favorites sites. (No, really. I’m not pandering. Seriously, I turned a friend on to The Bloggess just last week at my daughter’s basketball game.) I wonder what that crazy gal will come up with next? Suddenly, I’m hyperventilating because the title of a recent post of MINE is listed on THE BLOGGESS’s site. I got so excited that I almost started running around saying ‘OMG, OMG’. But then I got a grip. So I’m sitting here typing this trying to act all cool, calm and collected but inside I am screaming ‘OMG, OMG, she typed my title, thank you thank you thank you, THE BLOGGESS actually typed the title of a post of mine!’ (Apologies for the stalker-esque quality, it’s unintentional. You’ll just have to take my word for it.) Okay, now I’m going to go do a little happy dance in front of my dog.

  79. I love reading the blog links on your comments as well. I’ve been introduced to amazingly funny bloggers by weird, random titles that make me go, “What the hell is that all about?” Now I must do a better job of creating wild blog titles that will shock people into visiting my blog. Of course, once they get there, and realize that it has nothing to do with what I wrote whatsoever, they will likely be angry and may come and stab me.

  80. I just re-read the ones you were talking about above and noticed that one of mine was up there. And what is even more weird is that on the day you talked about good post titles I go off and name my post a decent name for my post yesterday.

    I have never actually put much thought into the naming of blog posts, but I will now.

    Thanks for enlightening me on this subject.

  81. I love this feature on your blog…it’s introduced me to so many interesting writers. So yeah you Ms. Bloggess!

  82. Now I know why I had so many google hits on my title (the one about the lady who texted her way into a mall fountain). Thanks for including mine. It’s the first time in 3.5 years of blogging where I actually thought of a decent title. It’ll be another 3.5 years before I think of another.

  83. I’m still trying to figure out how to make the title of my blog posts appear. We’ll see if it works this time but nobody likes my password. Not here, not at work, not at home or on the phone. Touche Dr. Seuss.

  84. In case you’re not familiar with it, the “Excuse Me – You’re Standing on My Neck” is a Daria reference (that cartoon that was on MTV in the 90s, which spawned a huge fan-following, myself included – yay for all eps finally coming out on DVD! ^_^). The line is in the theme song.

    “la la la la la
    This is my stuff
    Got to get off
    I might go pop
    Excuse me, Excuse me

    I’ve got to be direct
    la la la
    If I’m off, please correct
    la la la

    You’re standing on my neck”

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