This is my second post in one day and that’s how you can tell that I’m avoiding important work

in Random Crap

Email conversation between me and my friend, Liza:

Liza:  WTF?  WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE SHOOTING A FUNNY OR DIE VIDEO?

me: Um…what?

Liza: Holy shit-tacos.  You make the best “genie slut” ever.

me: Are you high right now?

Liza: I’m so not falling for it.  When did you do this?!

me: Okay, am *I* high right now?

Liza: You’re telling me that’s not you in that Ke$ha video?  Because if so, I call major bull-shit.

me: Is it possible that you’ve had a stroke?  Because I have NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.

Liza: This. This is totally you, right? What was it like working with Ke$ha?  She looks like she’d smell like an old gym sock.  Or a used dog toy.

me: That’s totally not me.

Liza: Bull. Shit. I’m calling Shenanigans.

Then I got 17 other emails from people asking why I hadn’t told them that I know Ke$ha, including one from my next door neighbor asking me if I could get Ke$ha’s autograph.

It’s totally not me, y’all.  Promise.

UPDATED:  Here.  This is how you can tell it’s not me:

me:

(Not a real cigar.)

not me:

You can tell it’s not me because she doesn’t have my wonky ear.

UPDATED again:  Okay, I do kinda see your point.

Huh. Well, that’s kind of creepy.

But it’s still not me.  Probably.

159 thoughts on “This is my second post in one day and that’s how you can tell that I’m avoiding important work”

Read comments below or add one.

  5. Psh, you’re WAY hawter than that woman in the mirror. Plus she doesn’t have a James Garfield hanging in HER house.

    Also, CAN YOU GET MY KE$HA’S AUTOGRAPH?

  9. Your evil twin sister is slowly taking over the world… with Ke$ha. I watched the video with the sound off (because I’m at work)… not sure the sound was the not-SFW part of that video. Holy Dirty Mice Batman!

  10. Also, please ignore my last blog’s name. It’s not what it sounds like. Except that it kind of is. And now I’m thinking you’re really not going to get me that Ke$ha autograph since my last entry was about daddy porn…

  12. I’m pretty sure Ke$ha…whoever the hell THAT is…is secretly stalking you. At least, it WAS a secret. Now you know…so I think you need to lock the door.

  14. So I took a look at the lady who is DEFINITELY not you and I immediately thought, “That can’t be Jenny, she looks like a Land’o’Lakes butter nazi.” I really can’t explain that statement, but thank heavens for your wonky ear because who wants to look like a land o lakes butter nazi?

  15. Tricksy, and probably totally into Ke$ha. I forgot to add that; it kinda goes without saying.

  16. I think you found your twin. Careful she might use her evil genie slut powers to take over your blog. Then we’d be stuck with a genie slut. How does anyone win with that?

  18. OMG! Do you know who that is?!? It’s your sister that you didn’t know anything about … Just Like Oprah!
    Or – you’ve been cloned ….. Just Like Dolly The Sheep!

    Either way – can you get me Ke$ha’s autograph too?

  20. I can’t believe they totally stole clips of you and used them with out you knowing!

    Wait! You DID know, but they DRUGGED you, so you don’t remember it. You are totally going to have to hook up with them again just so you can be a creepy mirror ghost AND get magical free drugs, or not. You know, drugs being bad and all.

    :::looks around:::

  21. I find everything about that video disturbing. Not least the genie slut who could be your twin if she was just a little prettier.
    Also? I imagine she smells more like a dumpster on a hot day than a dirty gym sock. I think I need another shower.

  24. I clicked the link before I scrolled down and saw the photos and watched that video to the end, which, by the way, was pretty painful to do. I didn’t have any idea what the heck you were talking about and thought it was some kind of really unfunny joke, which CANNOT BE, because you’re you.

    Please, she looks way older than you. Also less Jenny-ish. You should really consider silently resenting Liza for comparing you to crazy Kesha woman. You know, until she figures out a really cool way to make it up to you.

  25. Somewhere… In the world… There is a lady who is telling her friends that she played an evil fairy thing and got smashed with KeSha and they are accusing her of lying. In fact, her husband is leaving her because he thinks that she really got the money by blowing that old guy that works at the 7-11. Actually. Damn, how sad. Her youngest daughter just told her that her efforts at being cool we unnecessary and that she’d appreciate if the lies would stop.

    Wait… Yes… YEP! Ke$ha herself just told people that she shot a video with The Bloggess. Good job, Jenny.

  27. “She looks like she’d smell like an old gym sock. Or a used dog toy.”

    Does Liza have her own blog I can be the #1 fan of?!

  29. You should threaten to sue them for using your likeness without your permission. If 18+ people thought it was you I bet you a barrel of monkeys funny or die would totally hand over the dough.

  30. I’m with Liza. Are you sure that’s not you? Because that girl could be your twin. In a wicked-witch-of-the-west sort of way.

  32. Dude. That’s so not you. Don’t feel bad though, at least people don’t confuse you with a porn star. Yeah. Like I need money THAT bad. yet.

  36. I’m not gonna lie, I’m still half-convinced you’re holding out on us. Is there a lawsuit of some sort pending? Was it supposed to be Disney’s Princess Bloggess and they pulled this Genie Slut Switch at the last second and now you’ve lawyered up? Did you catch something from Ke$ha and that’s why you can’t tell? Don’t be embarrassed, that could happen to anyone. Did you feel like Ke$ha outshone you or something? Because she totally didn’t, if that’s your concern. Your hand-to-mouth shocked face was ten times better than any of her poorly delivered lines. Oh wait. Sorry. I mean, the genie slut’s hand-to-mouth shocked face. Imagine me doing a big exaggerated wink here.

  37. The next time you’re bored, can you come visit me in the mirror? I promise there will be no mouse coitus.

  38. You should point out the likeness to Ke$ha. Might be your big break. You could be in music videos and anti-Disney horror films for kids.

    Have I ever mentioned how awesome it would be to have votes on your comments section. Some of these peeps are frickin hilarious and should get an award… even if it is just a “thumbs up” like on facebook or YouTube.

  40. Are you absolutely sure that’s not you? I’m thinking that maybe you just don’t remember, and maybe you have some magical powers. Stick with me here. Maybe you could use them to lock Ke$ha back up in a tower or something. I’m just saying, it might be worth a try.

  42. Different nose. Different eyes. Different ears. But the smile is eerily similar. Oh, and you’re prettier too. Nicer Nose. Pretty eyes. Wonky ear. Yes, you’re you.

  45. You should totally start telling people you’re in that video and that you’re besties with Ke$ha. Would be so impressive. Then when they ask you to introduce them to Ke$ha, say you can’t because you had a big fight over heroin kitties and she just wouldn’t give you the support you needed in the heroin kitty fight so now you don’t talk to her.

  46. Holy crap… That’s pretty crazy…. Hey, at least you found your doppelganger! Mine lives somewhere near me – people keep asking me if I have a sister in the area and a barista at a Starbucks I had never set foot in asked me if I wanted my usual… Weird stuff.

  47. It’s probably you from the future post ear surgery coming back to fuck with you. I hear ear surgeries can go badly wrong and result in poor career decisions such as working with Ke$ha.

  48. That woman is 5-10 years older than you, depending on how time treats you. Perhaps it’s you from the future who has come back from the future (after having a wonky-ear-correction surgery) to fuck with you and your followers. Because you’d totally do something like that to yourself (and us)! At least now you know you’re still alive in 5-10 years with enough extra scratch to pay for a wonky-ear-correction surgery!

  50. Dammit, Alicia. You beat me to it (that’ll show me to read through all the comments first).

  51. Definitely not you, but I’m sure it’s your cousin. You better not turn up in a Bieber video!

  52. I definitely would’ve thought that was you, too. I’m also definitely putting off important work as this is my second comment of the day. Oops.

  53. I’m pretty sure it’s you. You should lay off the drugs if you’re forgetting about meeting super-important people like Ke$ha. Or keep doing them, because it’s obviously paying off.

  54. Ooh, I’m good with identifying features, and only have to see a person once to do it.
    Nope, the eyes & nose aren’t you. I can see it between the hair & the million dollar smile, but still yours is better.
    And hooray that I don’t need glasses.

  56. I hate to be a buzz kill, but a doppelganger is totally a sign of your impending death. So, maybe don’t swallow any more needles or get lost or, really, do any of your normal shenanigans. And stay away from James Garfield! How awful would that be? Death by taxidermied wild hog… Only you.

  57. If you really look at the two pictures, you can tell it’s not you, But holy Shitsnacks it looks a lot like you! That must be creepy… for you…

  59. I think that you’re clearly getting up in the middle of the night and wandering into a magic land full of famous people (who apparently is a lot older than I thought she was, I thought Keisha or whatever she’s called was about 17) where lots of magic mirrors do.. er… awesome magic stuff.

  60. I don’t give a rats wonky ear about Ke$ha. What kind of parent names their kid Ke$ha anyways? They totally deserve a slap…or a stab. Unless it’s a family name, that is. Like she (…she is a she, right?) might have a brother named T%ny and a sister named P@ula and a dog named Ro>er. In that case, everything is cool.

    Fenner’s last blog ..Oh thats right, I don’t HAVE a fucking blog.

  62. “She looks like she’d smell like an old gym sock. Or a used dog toy.”—that’s a fair assessment, I think.

    And you can too, for only $69.99. That’ll be the cost of her new fragrance coming next fall.

    Or you can go cheap and just splash a little Jack Daniels and old lube on yourself before leaving the house.

  64. That happened to me once in college except it was a picture with Ron Jeremy in our school newspaper. The girl with him looked like me. I don’t look like Ron Jeremy.

  65. Well, you coulda photoshoped your ears but the eyebrows are diff, so not you. Still prolly your evil twin. Or alternate Star Trek universe you…without the goatee…when did you shave off your goatee?

  67. You see, I have always had this sneaky suspicion that the reflections in mirrors are actually a window into a parallel universe. I also think the other “me” has a much more interesting life. They just gang pressed your other “you” into doing a video with Ke$ha since no one in this world would want to be near her. I just bet if you touch her, Ke$ha would be sticky!

  68. Do you have a twin that was seperated at birth, maybe the nurse told your mother there was only one of you and stole the other one. The lady in the video does look like you.

  69. People can say what they want…. but Ke$ha has a sexy voice. I normally despise any “artist” like her, but for some reason that, “Blah Blah Blah” song is catchy.

  70. hmmmmm wonky ears taped back? A little scotch tape at the top of the ear and then hide the hair over it? It’s not you, but it I do think they taped that woman’s ears back!

  71. I would say the only way that is you is you in 10 years with your ears taped back.

  72. Wait! Are these the same neighbors that wouldn’t talk to you because they thought you planned on killing and burying Victor? Who knew a pop star who counted a $ as a letter in her name could bring you together. I use the terms “pop star” and “name” loosely.

  74. Woah – yeah, that’s you! Also, this video – the half I could bear to stomach – solidified my hatred of Kesha. Or Ke&sha. Or however the crap you spell her stupid name :).

  75. She does sing, “Some Jenny slut…” Not that that’s what you are, but I don’t know, did you ever piss her off?

  76. Kesha, she’s the one who… Right. I have no idea who she is. I totally believe you wouldn’t do a video with someone who has a dollar sign in her name. There’s no dollar sign in the alphabet. I just checked.

  78. Just send Kesha’s people a bill for your time. If they refuse to pay it just send them those 2 pics together and tell them you’ll sue! I’d say $5000 is fair for that clip right?

  79. I’m just distracted by the cigar. I’m sure it’s there just to play with my eyes and make me forget to focus on what’s important… So what WAS the point of me looking at the pics?

  80. When I first started reading this, I was looking at the picture that *is* of you, and I thought you were saying that the picture of you *wasn’t* a picture of you, and then I was thinking, “Fuck, that TOTALLY looks like Jenny!” And then I whipped my ADD into submission long enough to actually read the thing in a coherent fashion, and realized that the reason that pic looks so much like you is because it IS you.

    The other chick kinda looks like you, too.

    The End

  84. I think the real proof it’s not the Bloggess – the hooded robe that the genie in the mirror pulls on when she goes into retreat (or abandons the wench to her cartoon animals) is not, in fact, a panda onesie. Therefore, ipso facto, no shenanigans*.

    But wow, do we get to vote if that’s funny or the other thing? Because, well, I know which way my vote is going. Ke$ha is horrible.

    *not sure I used ipso facto correctly, but it seems like the right expression… So I’m going to carpe diem and do it anyway!

  85. OMFG! Fenner, please don’t tell me you’re married or spoken for because I think I love you.

  86. You look more like the face in the mirror that made JR shoot himself in the last episode of “Dallas.” Remember that shit? Wonky. Except he was a man and old and stuff. But other than that, just like him.

  87. YOU ARE FULL OF LIES!! That’s totally you!!! You just don’t want all of us to know you’re famous because then we’d become even more obsessed with you than we already are and like show up at your house and camp out on your porch or something.. I probably wouldn’t because I’m not creepy but.. someone would. Maybe.

  92. Nope, definitely not you. You are much younger and prettier. However, you might have a talk with your mom to see if she had a girl-child earlier in life. As someone else said, this could totally be your Oprah moment! Agree too that I’m completely jealous of your rack. Usually like Ke$ha, but this one was bad, wasted time, except for checking out the Jennie-amost-look-alike. Tell your friends to have their eyes examined.

  94. Yes, it looks like you but I’ve been dieting so got hung up early on by “shit-tacos” which totally made my mouth water.

  95. I think they purposely used your Evil Twin to drum up extra traffic on “Funny or Die”. Which is Evil Squared. I can’t even wrap my brain around that kind of math. But I bet Ke$ha can.

  99. I knew it wasn’t you because you would never ever work with anybody who spells their name with a $ sign and has a chronic case of vaginal itching ( I know this because my cousin’s ex-boyfriend’s uncle’s mother is her juice-ologist)

    I would totally sell out and work with her. But you? Never.

  102. I can really tell it’s not you in the Funny or Die video because of the difference in eyebrow shape between you and the woman in the video. Her brow shape is different and arches at a different spot on her face than you. My excuse for examining eyebrows so closely and/or creepily is that I sell cosmetics for a living. It’s my job to know strange things about your face in one glance.

  103. 1. I see your point about your ear, but let’s face it, CGI can make twins out of people who aren’t, so I think they could CGI your ear closer to your head.
    2. I realize now that I have been neglecting an important of my morning toilette – the glitter and hot pink faux animal scratches over my eye. I feel really stupid.
    3. If that’s not you, I don’t see what’s stopping you from telling people that it is you. So now you’re a music video star. Yay you!

  106. Jenny – please tell that mirror-you that, next time she sees Ke$ha, she needs to have the vultures come in and GUT A B*TCH!

    Just saying.

    ~EdT.

  107. OK, gotta quit hitting “submit” before I have my first cup of coffee *yawn*.

    I know that isn’t actually you in the mirror, because she wasn’t holding a hairdryer.

    Oh, wait… your other pictures didn’t feature a hairdryer, either.

    Never mind…

    ~EdT.

  108. Maybe it really IS you but you did it in your sleep, like those people who sleepwalk and steal a car. I make seafood salad in my sleep, but you really shouldn’t eat it.

  111. reminds me of that song by Edie Brickell called “The Wheels”

    Here’s the lyrics:

    Somewhere there’s somebody who looks just like you do. Acts just like you do – feels the same way. Somewhere there’s a person in a far away place with a different name and a face that looks like you. Do ya think about who it might be? Do you wonder where you are? In a distant foreign country ridin’ ’round in another car where the wheels keep on turning and turning and turning and nothing’s disturbing the way they go around. All your thoughts are in another head. Your dreams are sleepin’ in a different bed. The force that moves you is a circular breath of life and death going round and round and round. The wheel keeps on turning and turning and turning and nothing’s disturbing the way it goes around. Maybe you ride a different wave. Maybe you catch another ray of the sun that I’ve just begun to feel. Back and forth and back and forth around again.

  112. Wait, is anyone else traumatized by those little blue birds getting maimed? I was not at all prepared for that.

  119. Well, it could be you 10 years and an ear corrective surgery later.
    How do you know it’s not from the future? Time traveling mirrors are tricky like that.

  120. Re: Comment #41. We agree…Ke$ha is maybe Debbie Gibson. How do we know for sure? She is always trying to throw us off with strippedy face paint, big hair and odd outfits made out of plastic squares. Plus, Debbie Gibson is supposedly coming out with a new album. (Ha ha…we said album…do people still say that?) How did her career get revived? Perhaps because she really is Ke$ha and it’s all a scandal. Just like the existing Jenny Lawson not in the video scandal.

    We are dialing TMZ to break the story right now.

    By the way, your last post was very funny too…love the titles. Proud to have contributed…and here is another title for you. And no, it’s real, not a stunt or Debbie Gibson.

  121. If I were you, I’d be checking The Thing In the Mirror in your creepy, spectacular dollhouse and make sure that Ke$ha didn’t do some voodoo on it. Maybe she stole your image to implant it into her video. You know, as payback for that one time when you linked her song Tik Tok to that Star Trek video? The way she’s calling you “genie slut” makes me think she found that and got offended. Ke$ha revenge, bitches!

    By the by, I’m with Liz on this one (on how Ke$ha smells) – there just seems like there would be a lot of grime and dead flaky skin on that girl. Maybe she’d give me an autograph in exchange for a pumice stone.

  123. Jenny, the only way I believe this isn’t you, is by you saying it isn’t you…and even then, I’m still pretty sure it’s you.

  125. I think it’s not you b/c she has a bigger nose. Never even noticed your ear. Still eerily close, though.

  126. IDK, I don’t think that genie chick looks THAT much like you….
    BTW, I agree with your friend — Ke$ha totally looks like she’d smell less than fabulous. I tend to think “wet dog” when see her.

  128. Wow. She’s really gross. That song was absolutely revolting. But the picture totally looked like you. If you get a check in the mail from Funny or Die, you’ll know those anxiety drugs are doing to you what Ambien does to some people. Sleep Acting!

  129. Did… did she just rub her face on that mouse’s ball sack?!? :0o
    And if so, does that mean that streak on her face is…. *shudder* Never mind. :0x

  132. I was 200% positive that that was you. I’d also like to point out that there was some really fucked up crap in that video. And by crap, I mean shit. Like cartoon-literally. Anyway, if it really was you — congrats!! WTG!!! If it really wasn’t you, congrats anyway. Because you’re all cool and stuff.

  136. You do realize you’ve just seen your evil twin, right? Just imagine yourself, but totally evil as hell! That is scary, Jenny. And awesome. I wonder if she has a blog…..

  138. I’m not sure which is the weirdest part of this whole thing.
    A) The creepiness of that video.
    B) The fact that the chick really does kind of look like you.
    C) All of these comments from people who have no idea who Ke$ha is.

    I might have to go with C.

  139. You’re nose is a litle wider too, but hey, its the same way they got you in the mirror, the magic of editing!! Super creepy! The only thing to top this on the creepy meeter? Your husband asks you to do the “naughty mirror slut”

  140. OMG. YES YES YES. I saw that video BEFORE I read this post and all the time I was wondering whether that was you (I mean, it COULD BE possible. Anything could be possible… with you…)

    I am so glad to find out that I was not the only one thinking so and therefore I was not crazy. Or all these people were crazy. Ok fine. Because it is your friends and readers, yes now the latter seems more plausible. Dang. Back to square one.

  141. To Kells (comment 85) – I am indeed a married man, but like Victor, I live in constant fear of random acts of stabbing by my lovely bride. I know it won’t be long now. She’s taken to hiding one of those Ronco super knives under her pillow. Stabbing bad. Sex good.

  142. It’s the whole hair curler look /cat on your head impersonations all over again. Everyone wants to be you.

  143. I watched that video earlier tonight and TOTALLY thought that was you!! I was effing convinced it was you! The rest of the video was fracking weird…

  146. As I write this comment a Ke$ha song comes on. It must be a sign. A sign of what, you ask. I’m not sure, but I would like for you to be in my mirror too. I don’t know why Ke$ha gets exclusive rights on that. I’d be all Jenny, Jenny on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all? And you’d be all, well I guess it’s me because you, SP, are a brown girl. *Sigh* I’m never going to be a Disney Princess.

  148. Looks like Patty Simcox from Grease! Because you’re right, she doesn’t have your wonky (and adorable) ear.

  156. I think Ke$ha is onto something here. We all need to rename ourselves with symbols discretely hidden within our first names and completely forego our last names. Like I would be “Fe##er” and Jenny could be “Je%%y” and Rachel could be “R@(hel” and we could all sing shitty music and star in shitty music videos with pictures of some quasi-famous persons doppleganger in them.

    Fenners last blog..Oh thats right, I still don’t have a fucking blog.

  158. Whoa. I think you should find a way to contact your doppelganger and demand a portion of whatever money she got playing you in the Kesha video.
    I have a soft spot in my heart for people with “wonky” ears. My hubby has one.
    Jess

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