Stop being an asshole, Target

Dear Target:

I realize that you’re probably trying to be helpful by printing item descriptions on my reciept but I’m pretty sure the logical keyword for “BigSexyHairspray” should be “hairspray“.  Not “sexy“.

Otherwise when you’re fumbling for your keys and drop your receipt in the parking lot a well-meaning stranger will pick it up and say “Excuse me, ma’am?  Did you need your receipt for…um…your sexy cat litter?”

No one should ever have to explain this.

You aren’t helping, Target.

~me

174 thoughts on “Stop being an asshole, Target

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I pretty fucking sure, that sexy cat litter is awesome. it’s also better than your reciept saying fucking ugly people cat litter. or something equal. did you wear a red polo and khakis? if not don’t bitch. because I made a rule everyone going to target should wear a red polo, khakis, a walki talki and then hum the mission impossible theme song while talking code into their wrist, if you didnt play along you pretty much deserved sexy cat litter, which is still better than but fucking ugly cat litter. Just saying. Also do unicorns even use litter?

  2. I like that you blurred out all the other items, but am crazy curious about what other sexy things you may have purchased. Sexy olive oil? Sexy dryer sheets?

  3. You know…you could have told parking lot dude that, yes, you DID drop your receipt for sexy cat litter…don’t-you-wish-you-knew-what-it-was.

    Because if you can’t pretend cat litter is like an aphrodisiac, then, really, what’s the point?

  4. Sexy comes cheap. Compared to cat litter, anyway. If I could be sexy for just $5.99, I’d be very happy. Of course, that would probably mean giving up the chicken and waffle cupcakes, and since I just discovered them, I’m not sure that will work.

  5. Also, I think Jon is my gay soulmate. Not saying that Jon is gay and he very well may be and that is perfectly fine but was more saying that if I were gay AND I’M NOT although there’s nothing wrong with that either (Seinfeld) that Jon and I would be totally making sweet comment homosexual love in a totally tasteful yet non-disturbing way. Hope that clarifies my stance on whatever the Hell it was that I started saying here in the first place.

  6. Personally, I love it when Wal-Mart sends me home with things like “Large Breast” (chicken, I swear). Many interesting conversations have been had with the husband on those days…

  7. For years I kept a department store receipt for “Casual hose – $7.99.” Seems so cheap, doesn’t it?
    Apparently I finally lost track of it, even though my sense of humor is still just as sophomoric now as it was then.

  8. Now you just made all the life of all cashiers at Target more difficult: many customers now will line up their products and demand that they be scanned in the order it was received. What can we do to top this? SEXY. Depends. SEXY. Diarrhea medication. SEXY. Douche. The possibilities are endless.

    OK. Now I think Target should split the profit from the increase in sales in random non-sexy objects with you.

  9. Someone needs to start making sexy cat litter. They could have a picture of a slutty cat taking a shit on litter that looks like red silk. And their tag line could be “Treat your pussy right.” I just grossed myself out. See what you do to me? GAH.

  10. lol I’m sorry, hun, but “sexy cat litter” is funny. That’s stupid that Target would use “sexy” as a description for “BigSexyHairSpray”. It makes about as much sense as using “big” instead. Even lingerie wouldn’t get that as a description. If you bought a bra, it would probably come up as “lingerie” or “intimate apparel”. Either someone at Target was slacking, or they thought that would be funny… which it kind of was, but that’s very immature of them to pull something like that.

  11. Cat litter is never sexy. But squid socks always will be.

    Should have told the stranger it was for your stripper cat.

  12. Lucky they didn’t print “six pounds of uncut cocaine”. *That* would have been awkward!

  13. I think target is intentionally messing with you, I mean, haven’t they done that before? With Dr Pepper?

    I’m pretty sure if I worked at target I would do stuff like that on purpose.

  14. I’m going to start looking more closely at my receipts. And by that I mean, start looking at my receipts.

    But we’ve seen your cats. Sexy cats deserve sexy litter, no?

  15. i am shocked, seriously shocked and appalled! Big Sexy Hairspray costs like $14.99 at the Target where i live!!! WTF seattle?

  16. You know what’s sexy? My new cat litter scoop! It has a black and white striped handle and is made of metal. The metal is what makes it so sexy because I no longer catapult litter into my face with a plastic scoop.

  17. Better cat litter than say, “sexy vaginal cream” or “sexy hemorrhoid pads” or “sexy Disney girl’s panties.” Just imagine how *that* conversation would have gone.

  18. How exactly does one make cat litter sexy? Also, I love that my Target’s credit machine asks me if I want the entire purchase on my card. It seems so thoughtful to me.

  19. I assume that this receipt is from the 1950s, which is the last time that people used hairspray. Or Kitty litter.
    (And OMG, why do we call it “kitty litter”? To make it more cute? How about Cat Litter? Or Feline Litter?)

  20. I am officially offended. I happen to be sexually attracted to cat litter and your sarcastic tone pertaining to cat litter being sexy has gotten my cut off jean shorts in a wad. How dare you.

  21. Is sexy cat littler the clumping kind?

    And oh so many pussy jokes here. I am slightly disappointed with Mooooog35 for notmaking one.

  22. I go to this bar called the Cock and Bull simply because it shows up on my bank statement as Cock.

  23. I don’t mind sexy hairspray — just can’t get behind the sexy dresses and shirts they’re trying to sell my 6 yo.

  24. oooo…… see i read that as “SEXY…..$5.99. Didn’t know you could purchase sexy…you Texans have all the good crap at your stores.

  25. If only they actually MADE sexy cat litter, I would possibly consider stealing myself a cat. Since regular cat litter is very non-sexy, I stick with fish.

  26. Now I’m going to have to go shop at Target after work for hairspray and other random objects, just to see what kind of fun combinations can happen:

    Hairspray + Gardening Tools – Sexy Hoe
    Hairspray + 2×4 – Sexy Stud
    Hairspray + Baked Goods – Sexy Muffin
    (ok … I’ll just stop there…)

  27. Ah, I must start shopping at Target for my cat litter. I get mine at Walmart and it’s most definitely not sexy. At all.

  28. Now tell us, truely, if you were in charge of making up these receipt abbreviations, YOU wouldn’t purposefully make them look like this. In fact, *Sexy Shit Sand* would probably end up on the receipt if you were in charge. Tell me I’m lying! Go ahead!

    PS this better make the comment of the day.

  29. I had no idea you could get sexy was so cheap @ Target! And I shop there, like all the time. You’ve just given me a reason to go tonight. Target should thank you.

  30. If anyone found my Target receipt, they’d know I was single.
    Wine Cube ,Cat Litter, Cat Treats, Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs, Etc.

  31. Why does no one care about actually READING the receipt before handing it to you? Who does that? Nosy unhelpful stalker people with ugly hair and sad cats, that’s who! How dare you, Receipt reader?! How very dare you!!!

  32. My cat litter is sexy as hell – it’s made out of corn, doesn’t smell offensive and one pan-full lasts 6 months with daily scooping. It’s also very expensive, but I inherited a year and a half’s worth when my parents’ diabetic cat finally went to the big sugared yarn-ball in the sky.

  33. Dude. Seriously? You’re complaining that your Sexy was only $5.99? If I attempted to purchase Sexy they’d charge me at least $187.00 because I need a LOT of product to pull off sexy.

  34. I was a bit apprehensive for this post since the tweet said Stop Being an Asshole Target and I wasn’t sure whether we were talking about figurative assholes aka mean people, or actual assholes.

  35. Cat litter sexy before use, sexy after use, as long as your not having sex in the litter box it’s all good!

  36. Target is my church, and whoever programmed that into the system is now my God.
    (I keep hitting enter at the end of that line expecting it to send the message and wondering why it doesn’t work. Too much twitter and facebook, I suppose.)
    *searches for a submit button as plan B*

  37. WAIT A MINUTE!!!!

    Target has BigSexy hairspray for $5.99??????????

    Or are you just yankin’ my chain and that’s for a travel size can or something like that.

  38. I once bought some Sultry Storage Totes and a Seductive toilet bowl cleaner, but that’s what I went into Target to buy in the first place.

  39. Jenny, they saw you coming and programmed that in – they figured they could get more name recognition that way once you blogged about it!

    Sexy for $5.99? I may get three!

  40. I believe you paid extra for the sexy-> bout 5 bucks worth hope your cat appreciates it.

  41. Target’s return policy bites. This is a total tangent from your post, but I had to write a letter to the CEO of the company (who was nice enough to reply) and I was able to, after HOURS of work, return a $29.99 item. Frustrating. And I’m sure the CEO was thinking, “Hello, just return the item cashier-worker-person because I don’t want this pregnant woman coming after me.”

  42. That is simply awesome. It’s making me almost want to buy this hairspray from Target to see what happens. Almost.

  43. Oh I don’t know. I think maybe you’re being a little narrow minded. I’m an expert on everything hair and I’m willing to share a little known secret with you. Let’s face it, cat litter is a darned sight cheaper ounce for ounce that any hairspray on earth, and what you may not know is, cat litter is a lot more effective:-
    Wash hair and leave wet. Bend forward, lower head to knee level, sprinkle liberally with one tablespoonful of cat litter and then use hair dryer on the hot setting to guarantee some hair raising results.

    Warning – this only applies to unscented cat litter which of course as we all know is much kinder to the environment and hair follicles.

  44. How the hell did you find bigsexyhairspray for $5.99? It’s $17+ in NY. I can’t get past that to comment on cat litter…Unless…travel size??

  45. That’s sick that Target supports beastiality. It’s commonplace in South Carolina (horses, though, not cats).

  46. Everything about cat litter is sexy. Especially the part that keeps me from cleaning up a mess on the floor.

    I love that when I buy boneless, skinless chicken breasts, my receipt says: “BS breasts.”

    THAT offends me. There’s nothing BS about my breasts.

  47. We registered for our wedding at Target in 1997. We registered for a lot of blue stuff for our kitchen. One such item was a whisk. On our registry, for all our friends and family to see was:

    Blue Nylon Whip

    Thank you, Target.

  48. never explain your sexy cat litter. never.
    if someone questions you, simply give them a sly, sideways smirk and quietly put the receipt in your pocket.
    walk away. saucily.
    enjoy the respect you get next time they see you.

  49. I actually would love to get a receipt for sexy.

    Mainly just because I want to be able to actually BUY sexy. I’m over thirty now and the wrinkles are coming. If I could just go buy me some sexy I’d be all over that shit.

  50. Jesus H Christ. Target is really trying to get sued. What if after cat littler you purchased “girls panties”. That could be a big freaking issue.

  51. wait just a dang minute, @tokenblogger- do they have Kroger other places beside Southeastern Michigan? because the short sighted bassturds call “Kroger” Ralph’s out here, and I just can’t get past the idea that my grocery is named after a euphemism for puking. Oops I gotta go, my man is listing all the Village People and its scaring me.

  52. Ok, just forgive me for this before you read it. Ok? Ok.

    *Cue elevator music* Tarzhay…now carrying sexy cat litter for the discriminating pussy. *End elevator music.*

  53. If you’re willing to tell us about your “Sexy Cat Litter”, what are you too embarassed about that you took the time to hide it with digitizing? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  54. Am I the only one who feels compelled to make a lame crack about how returning the hairspray would now qualify as “bringing sexy back”?

  55. I had no idea I could buy me some sexy at Target (for only $5.99, a bargain!) but now that I know, I’m totally on that. I need more sexy in my life. For sure.

  56. What is that shit made of? Confettied expensive lingerie? Shredded red polo shirts and khakis? I’m sure it’s absorbent, but there surely isn’t any odor control, and that is not sexy. You fail, Target.

  57. I’m totally with the person who said the guy who read your receipt was rude! Even if he did glance at it, you keep that shit to yourself. What if you lost your receipt and Jenny found it and said, “Do you want your receipt for ‘foul douchebags’?” Well, there you go.

  58. I am tempted to go buy some Big Sexy Hairspray from Target now, just so that anytime I’m feeling unsexy, I can look at my receipt and proclaim to myself and the world “I OWN SEXY! I bought it for $5.99!”

  59. The ramp where I park every day for work is in the same complex as Target’s headquarters. Want me to stop over and clue them in on proper receipt keyword choices?

  60. So I discovered your blog after stumbling across a link on someone else’s blog. And…I LOVE IT.

    You’re hilarious.

    Sexy cat litter?

    THAT makes on hell of an awkward conversation topic.

  61. I’m always concerned when “potatoes” gets abbreviated into “pot” — dammit, Kroger, I did NOT buy that! Well, I did not buy that HERE…

  62. I went to target a couple days ago for easter supplies.
    While we were at the register, my husband started giggling. He doesn’t usually do that…
    Then I saw what he was pointing at… the register displayed:
    “DIPPED PEE”

    by the way… did you know they make chocolate dipped peeps?

  63. Jenny Jenny Jenny

    Your real problem is you’re wasting money on shit you don’t even need.

    Why does a woman who wears wigs need hairspray, much less $7 hairspray?

    And the $11 for cat litter is a complete waste. Unless you have a mouse problem, having a cat is pointless. Get a stuffed cat, or get the live cat you already have stuffed. It will stare at you just as indifferently but you’ll save on cat food and litter. And it’ll stop shedding pronto.

    But if you INSIST on having a LIVE feline, you still shouldn’t waste $11 on litter, not where you live. Isn’t Texas a great big sandbox anyways? Flip it over George Bush’s fence if you have to.

    (Maybe I shouldn’t comment when I been drinkin’)

  64. Maybe Target is trying to use you as a conduit for the Sexy Catlitter’s sex life. You know. You’re the Match.com of catlitter. But with less homophobia.

  65. Back up that trolley – what’s this “BigSexyHairspray” you speak of!??!?! My Aquanet is bloody well pissing me off and I’m ready to make the switch……

  66. There’s really nothing NOT sexy about cat shit paraphenalia. But I am glad the world can rest easier now that you’ve opened our eyes to it, so we can watch for whatever surprises these stores throw our way.

  67. My Dearest Target:
    I love you. I just wanted to let you know that I had nothing to do with the Bloggess’s post. Had I known she was going to speak ill of you, I would have never clicked on the link. Lover, you know how much I adore your cute and affordable clothing. You know I can’t go more than a few days without seeing your handsome face. I can only dream that you will someday call me sexy (cat litter). Please, mi amor, don’t be offended by my friend’s harsh words. She just doesn’t understand us.
    My loins quiver for you. I hope to see you soon.
    Very Truly Yours,
    DMTF

  68. Does this make your cat sexier? Or is the litter itself somehow extra-provocative? Either way, seems like a small price to pay.

  69. To me it looks like you just picked up some Sexy, and at a bargain price of $5.99. That’s tough to beat.

    I keep looking for sexy and can’t seem to find it for anything less than a shit ton of hard work and $1k of plastic surgery. Yuck.

    I think Target it helping you.

  70. I bought homogenized milk at the supermarket once and noticed the receipt referred to it as “homo milk”. I guess whoever’s job it is to write these things is trying to have a little fun at what is otherwise probably one of the more boring jobs you can have. And they probably don’t have a boss, if they’re getting away with that. Actually, I’m thinking maybe that’s a pretty good job to have! Hmm…

  71. My cat loves his sexy cat litter. He spends all his time in there with the door locked. I don’t know what he’s doing, but he seems to enjoy it way more than he should.

  72. I sure hope you won’t have to return the hairspray, how would you explain to the customer service people that you want to return your sexy?

  73. I wonder what sexy cat litter is all about. Does it entice the cat to poop there? Does it entice the cat to have sexy times there? Talk about scat play!

  74. Ew. Now when I see the Target logo I’m going to see it AS AN ASSHOLE.

    Which is totally your fault. Not Targets.

    I think we’re fighting.

  75. Look- I don’t care how far you push the limits about most things. I’m all for Zombie Apocalypses, pictures with twine and amputee alligators. But when you take Target’s name in vain? Well, that’s just SINFUL. I demand an apology.

    Or at the very least you should say four “Hail Targets” in a northernly direction.

  76. I think everyone is missing the point here…Sexy is only $5.99 at Target! I know where I’m stopping on my way home from work!

  77. My curiosity comes from what has been blurred on the receipt. Like, what does one buy to go with their sexy cat litter? My money is on lube and corndogs.

  78. Jenni, they are obviously calling YOU sexy. Consider it a compliment. No one has called me “sexy” in years. Not even Kohl’s.

  79. That is just hilarious. And I have to disagree with a bunch of people here…there is nothing…NOTHING DEAR GODS…sexy about kitty litter. Catwoman? yes. Catsuit? Certainly. Kitty Pride? You bet. Kitty litter? Oh, hell no.

  80. Actually, I find cat litter very sexy. When my husband is cleaning the cat box. Which he started doing when I was pregnant and, so far, he’s forgotten he doesn’t have to do anymore. It’s very sexy.
    On another note I think it’s hilarious when I balance my checkbook and have to write I spent $300 on BJs in a month. I seem to spend lots of money on BJs.

  81. On the other hand, I was just thinking of how many people were contacting Target right now asking how long “Sexy” is going to be on sale.

  82. Is it just me? Because the well-meaning stranger in the parking lot and the sexy cat litter seem like the start of a better than average afternoon in the suburbs.

    SK

  83. They do it on purpose. I bought, among other things, hot dogs and Naked brand juice last weekend. My list said:

    meat weiners
    naked

    Weird, and not something I think I want to buy at Target.

  84. I think whoever put the info into the computer had just had a long day and needed a laugh. I’m pretty sure the same thing happened to my hometown when they decided to give all the gravel roads names for 911 to find us and we ended up with, this is totally true, the corner of Dill and Doe in a remote location. Not too remote for the sign not to be stolen MANY times, though. 🙂

  85. Yep. Only it’s not just Target. Sometimes I try to return things to CVS, which means I have to sort through my five hundred CVS receipts from the last month, and I have to try to guess which of the strange words on the five hundred awkwardly sized sheets of paper actually refers to the product I want to return. Usually I give up and just bring all the receipts and let the customer service people sort it out. They are generally remarkably good sports about it – not to mention surprisingly unsurprised.

  86. John B: I can’t make everything out on the receipt, but it looks like there are a couple of Gilligan & O’Malley items (Target’s shortcode: GOM). I’m probably going to be seriously unfollowed for that…

    subWOW: Ah, if only. Unfortunately, the registers arrange the items by department, not by chronological order – which has caused some problems when two guests are trying to split their stuff, and want them in chrono order so they can add it up later.

    Jodi: The number of people who see that question and say, “No, I want someone else to pay for it”… *shudder*

    Aaaaand finally – we were selling Tonka’s Mighty Monster Dump Trucks at Target, and there wasn’t enough room for the last word. I took one look at the remaining description, and commented, “I know how that feels.” You’re welcome.

    And never buy analysis books from Staples in England, or homogenised milk from CVS/pharmacy. I’ll let you guys do the math.

    — Mark

  87. I think this is so hallarious! 174 comments on sexy cat litter! Wow! All I can say is Wow! (no I didn’t read them all) Keep going! Maybe it could be a worlds record!

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