I’m out of the hole.

It’s Sunday and I’m finally crawling out of this depression.  Yeehaw, motherfuckers.  If you’re currently in the throes of a depression (or are in the position of watching someone who is) please remember that depression is a lying bastard and that this will pass.  And life will be brighter again.  I promise.

Thank you for reminding me of that, even when I find it hard to believe it myself.


In non-related news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up.  Let’s get started, shall we?

What you missed on Ill-Advised:

What you missed on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up sponsored by my friend Eva, who writes Journal Not Kept. It’s fascinating. Beautiful and horrible and funny and uncomfortable and familiar all at once.  And sometimes Liberace shows up. You should go read it. For real.

259 thoughts on “I’m out of the hole.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. As someone who has suffered depression my whole life, I have to say it was awesome when you said “depression is a lying bastard and that this will pass. And life will be brighter again. I promise.” Good for you for sharing.. and helping.

  2. Depression is a whore-y asscrack. You have my deepest sympathies during these rotten episodes. I know exactly what you go through-just when you think your life is on an upswing, depression junk-punches you. Keep your chin up, the wine cellar stocked, and the computer on. Peace!

  3. Depression. My god/dess. I’ve been pulling out of a harsh one for a couple of years now. I finally feel … not *normal* (god, NO! anything but THAT.) But I do feel bright and shiney. I have my magic pills (see your own doctors, people, to get your own damn pills!) and instructions for my husband to make me pop one if life sucks. Two if life still sucks fifteen minutes later. They work. For me. I take maybe one a month, but haven’t for a while now – because my life has improved. I also have the Therapist of Awesomeness, who has given me more hope than the most well-intentioned friend. She does work w/ boundaries, but real trick is to find someone that you trust, who guides you into becoming more of yourself, and not someone who is trying to make you “normal.” Because in the world today, to be “normal” is to be even sicker. In my own fucking humble opinion. Best to you. Love your writing and look forward to seeing post more.

  4. As a depressive, daughter of a depressive, and married to a depressive, I’d like to thank you for the “drepression is a lying bastard” meme. God that helps! I’m so glad you are out and bless you for sharing you journey, we are not alone.
    I’ll say something funny next time. Love and Stuff.

  5. Depression is a lying bastard. I am the furthest from the whole I’ve ever been right now. To the point where I started to attack myself for the DVD player not working and stopped and said “no it’s not that I’m stupid, it’s that the DVD player is acting up.”

    That was a freeing moment

  6. I’m so happy you’re feeling better. This occasion calls for glitter (lots of it) and a parade of leprechauns riding unicorns and winged pegasii. Welcome back!

  7. I love your fight and drive! 🙂

    Depression is not only a lying bastard but it is also a manipulative, thieving bully. But you’ve beaten it again for a while – and it has no friends – so now it is sat in the corner alone, while you get on with an amazing life.

    Don’t fear it; pity it – it will always fail while you fight.

  8. Dearest Jenny – I am just feeling the crack, as I call it, and you have been such a huge help. Depression does suck large donkey dicks and is such a lying sack of the shittiest shit. Let’s rock it.

  9. So glad you are starting to feel better (glad Allie is too!)

    Sign I might be pregnant: Sometimes I laugh like a hyena when I read your blog. Oh, and my toes might be looking a little puffy.

  10. Glad to have you back. Yes, the biggest D is a demon that lies like a bastard. Just remember, you are awesome and loved. You can beat back the D Monster.

  11. I’m always so “the glass is half full and possibly running over the top” and I felt so good about that. Come to find out, I was in a car wreck as a kid and have BRAIN DAMAGE that makes me light sensitive (need more dark) and overtly optimistic.

    I guess there are a lot worse things, but what else would a person with brain damage say?

  12. Lol…I’ve been avoiding everything (including your awesome blog) due to falling into my own cycle of depression. I find it awesome that the first thing I read after nearly two weeks is you talking about how it will get better. I believe you…just wish it didn’t have to get bad at all. Hope you completely get out soon.

    “Run if you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must, just never give up.” Dean Karnazes

  13. The mug. Because of the mug, I can now be rude without being rude. And funny while being rude.

    Every prayer has now been answered.

  14. “I’m finally crawling out of this depression. Yeehaw, motherfuckers.” Jenny, you just wrote your own long sleeved tee shirt. May I say: “You’re welcome.” Glad you are feeling better and yes, depression is a bitch. Love, Laurie F.

  15. What IS it with all this depression? Time of year? All I know is that if YOU are out then I can see a light at the end of a very dark wormhole.

    Hopefully, there are zombies at the other end.

  16. Depresion is the Devils right hand man…or something like that. Yay for the happy, boo for Allie and her struggles.

  17. Been in that hole. Been out of that hole. It’s the digging that is the hardest because it’s hard to see which way is up until you are actually UP. 🙂

  18. It’s always good to see someone finally get out of their hole. I’ve got more holes than Charlie Brown’s Halloween costume, but finally seeing my way out of them makes me feel as if I can breathe again.

    Hailey’s Ghost Bride story ought to be inscribed on something in your dollhouse. I bet she’d be proud to be a part of something you’ve been working on forever.

  19. I had depression for years, did the pill thing, the therapy thing, everything helped for a bit then stopped helping… the one thing that changed everything for me was using this book – “Rebooting” http://store.kabbalah.com/Defeating_Depression_with_the_Power_of_Kabbalah_p/b-dprs-e-h-na.htm (they have it in eBook too) it’s been over 8 years, no depression, working with this information… hey, worth a shot, right? Changed my life…. Glad you’re ‘back.’ 🙂

  20. I’ve been crawling out of my own hole for a few weeks now. (Depressed and unemployed; how awesome is that?) Keep climbing. As I remember from previous experiences, eventually the climb gets easier.

  21. Been there, done that, been there again, still trying to do that. What’s important for me to remember is that I can’t always believe what I think, that secrets keep me sick and that there’s no shame in, well, being who I am. Rock on, sister friend. Rock on.

  22. Also, I absolutely adore your daughter for inventing her own Halloween story and then dressing up as it.

    She is awesome!

  23. I’m going through the same thing at the moment – and I can’t tell you how comforting it is to read those words. It IS a lying bastard, and it WILL pass. *HUGS*

  24. Very glad that your depression is lifting. I hope that Halloween antics tomorrow with your kidlet blows the last of the gray away.

  25. *sigh* Still in the hole… but it helps to see people coming out. You’re an inspiration, Jenny. You make me furiously happy. <3

  26. “Lying Bastard.” Exellent I’ll keep that in mind for my next funk. Grats on your Zombification. 😉

  27. And yes I know i spelled excellent wrong but, who cares? Jenny’s happy again 🙂

  28. LOVE the stuff you pin. Also, welcome back..the hole is deep and wide, glad you kicked its ass.

  29. So many times when you share this, I’m having a similar experience, and it makes me feel so much less like a freak.

    I thank you and I love you and I’m happy you’re here.

  30. Understand why Churchill lamented being “visited by the black dog of depression” – although kind of harsh to black dogs everywhere…just know you are missed when you’re gone and it’s so so good when you’re back.

  31. Thank you. I’ve had anxiety problems for all of my life and slip into depression sometimes. I’ve been fighting it for the last few weeks. It’s something you can’t really understand till you’ve been through it and I am so glad that you are out of the hole. I’ve just come across your blog recently and I love it. Again, Thank you for putting yourself out there for all to see. It’s an inspiration.

  32. So glad that you’re feeling better. Your columns always put a smile to my face. Especially when I read them to my husband and tell him that you’re my hero. The worried, nervous look on his face is priceless. 😉

  33. I tried to post this on your post “the ghost bride” blog but it wouldn’t let me, so I will just post it here.
    Your daughter is adorable. Great costume.

  34. I started crying when I read this because of this damn hole I’m in. I simultaneously think you’re the liar and depression is the lying bastard. Somewhere in me I know it gets better but the depression keeps telling me I’m a loser with no friends. Thank you for shining some light into the abyss.

  35. “…please remember that depression is a lying bastard and that this will pass. And life will be brighter again. I promise.”

    Rock on, and thank you for that!

  36. I hate that you and everyone else in the world that suffers from depression suffer from depression. It is an evil beast. When I’m feeling down your blog cheers me up. I truly wish there was some way to repay the kindness other than to offer up huge virtual hugs. Until something is made known as to what I can do to help, I’ll offer the hugs and a huge thank you on top of it for being who you are because who you are is precious to all of your fans. 🙂

  37. Depression is a lying son of a bitch and even though it’s getting to more and more people it’s not winning the war. The War on Depression. We’re winning it. Mostly because we’re talking about it. Depression hates when you get support and talk about it.

  38. glad to hear you are feeling better….. I’m still waiting for the light at the end of my tunnel.

    that sounds kind of dirty.

  39. I can only hope that if I ever become a mon, I can be as crazy,loving funny and accepting like you. Every child should have the gift of having a parent who accepts them no matter what , and who encourages them to be whoever they want to be; wheter it be a princess, a superhero or a ghost bride!!!

    I LOVE YOU!!! ( depression can kiss my little latina heart shaped ass!)

  40. Glad you feel better – depression is an awful thing (I take my anti-depressants daily). My DH just got out of a psych hospital for major depression, and is still having issues, so I truly understand.

    Love your laughs!

  41. Jenny, it sounds like you and Allie from Hyperbole and a Half have been through similar experiences lately. What is it with you brilliant, hilarious, creative ladies and depression? You go through dark, sad times even while making us very happy–that’s ironic.

    I’m glad to hear you’re getting those demons exorcised, and hope they stay far away now!

  42. to be funny brings others joy. it encourages. what an incredible gift to give someone. people. the masses. through a blog, no less.

    making someone laugh feeds a hungry soul – what a freaking service to (wo)mankind.

    i hope the joy and encouragement you give others is brought back to you during those moments when you need it most.

  43. I was just telling someone the other night about making it, last year, through the deepest, darkest depression I’d ever experienced in my entire life. At the time, I couldn’t imagine life ever getting better. I didn’t contemplate suicide, because I just couldn’t do that to my family, but the only thing I looked forward to was the sweet relief of unconsciousness at the end of the day. Sleep was the only thing I craved. Or to somehow not exist, but without the whole death part.

    I’m mostly fine now. Way better. It gets better, as they say.

    I’m glad you’re feeling better, Jenny. Hang in there, my friend. 🙂

  44. That might have been the most perfect title in the history of all blog posts ever. At least today. Thank you so much for sharing details about big D, because I can’t quite and I’m bobbing along under the surface right now, waiting and hoping and going through the motions that I’ll be back in the air soon.

    Enjoy being on the surface again.

  45. Glad you have come back into the light. I’ve battled with depression for years, and it sucks. Somehow when you’re not depressed, it is hard to remember just how miserably bad it was when you were in the midst of it. If I can hardly grasp how dreary I felt, I can only imagine how hard it must be for my family members to understand the total lack of energy and the hateful self-talk.

    Thanks for giving a voice to everyone who is just too depressed to speak out!

  46. Jenny, I’m so glad you’re feeling better. I miss you when you’re not here. Also, depression sucks. Never been diagnosed or treated, but definitely have gone back and forth with it, on a regular basis, for a number of years now. Call it, “too proud” to accept it and ask for help, call it, “hate taking pills and take more than enough already for the other health issues” call it “fear”, call it whatever you want, but I refuse to completely divulge myself to anyone to the degree of crap that goes on in my scary head some days. But whatever it is, I know, you probably understand. Thank you.

  47. To the loveliest blogger I know,

    You are an inspiration to me. When my life feels like a dark empty hole, or the carniverous black monster of depression sets up squatting rights in my chest and I can get out of bed, or brush my hair, or remember to shower, I remember that there will be an end eventually and that there is light and color in the world even if I can’t see it. You help me remember that through your stories, humor and brutal honesty. Thank you.

  48. Glad to hear you’re crawling out our your depression…..was planning on flying over there with my shovel in hand to help dig you out (but our main useless bloody Qantas airlines keep going on strikes and their planes don’t fly) but apparently they do checks and full body/cavity searches on people who request to fly with shovels. I like your description of depression as a lying bastard (bit like another lying bastard I know) you are so true….we need to stop listening to the little prick….get him off our back, hit him with the shovel and bury him in the middle of the forest during the night, but then again we might be back to those cavity searches and questions by the police when we tell them we were just burying a lying bastard in the middle of the night

  49. I was wondering if you and Allie knew (of?) each other. Glad you are BOTH on the way back up.

  50. Good to hear. You are too f-ing hilarious to be sad. Although I know from experience things can get dark. Keep on keeping on.

  51. I wish I lived anywhere near you so that I could force you to be my friend. You are the bright light that helps to lessen the darkness in many of my days. I wouldn’t normally put a link to one blog on another person’s blog, but it seems relevant and you are both just so fantastic. This is the other blog that I cheat on you with… and like you she is brilliant… just in a different way. I never thought that depression could make me laugh like this especially after feeling it’s affects for so many years myself and watching others I care about being almost completely destroyed by it.

  52. Hey, we’re here just lay it out there and then sit back and feel the warmth from us flow over you and why not you make us feel tingly good all the time with your commentary on life.

  53. Glad you are feeling better. I’ve been in a depression funk for 8 months or so, and finally coming out of it slowly the last couple weeks. It’s unexplainable to people who have never experienced any sort of depression, especially when you have no reason to be there. You bring humor and light to so many of your fans, and hopefully they do the same for you. 🙂

  54. I think you just decided the second thing going on my wall in my future office, after I get my doctorate in psychology. First being my degree, because I think that’s like a legal requirement? Unless that’s not actually a requirement…then yours will be first. :3
    And it would be as much for me as it would be for my clients.

  55. I’m so glad that the depression is finally easing its mother-fuckin’ death-grip on your life. Badass ninja skills to the rescue!

  56. I just climbed out of my most recent hole. This hole was deeper than ever before and was scary. But you are so right, depression is a liar and you are never as hopeless or worthless as it makes you feel. I find it fitting that you also had a link to the latest red dress stop in this post. I love the red dress and whenever I read about it I cry because of how it represents just something for yourself, no one else, and when you get depressed, it is hard to think of anything so wonderful that’s just for you. That dress totally rocks. Welcome back wonderful girl.

  57. Still in a bad place. Sounds totally stupid but I worry about what will happen to my cats if I accidentally walk off a bridge…any words of wisdom? I hate this place.

    (Thank God for those cats. Anything that keeps you alive is a good thing. Things will be better. Talk to family, friends and see a therapist. Seriously. It makes a world of difference. You can do this. You aren’t alone. ~ Jenny)

  58. Don’t you just hate when people who don’t know anything about depression tell you something like…’chin up’ or somesuchnonesense?
    My advice involves a hammer, maybe some heavy machinery and lots of exercise 😉

    Paige recently posted…www.thetravelpaige.blogspot.com

  59. I never got depressed until I started taking anti depressants for panic attacks. So at least I am calm now, the pills removed the Bull shark in me and replaced it with a sedated kitten (except my legs are hairier).

  60. So glad to see you back! You’re always missed.

    Also? Depression is a lying bastard … it will pass needs to be a t-shirt.

    And to anyone out there who’s still in the throes, please listen to Bloggess. We need you in our world. Honest we do.

  61. Thank you for not “snapping out of it!” and perpetuating the myth that “snapping out of it!” ever actually happens in real life. Depression sneaks up on you (well, on me) and then stays for a super-long time and then very, very slowly and in teensy little increments starts to maybe-kindof-a little bit lift and then one day you (I) notice that hey, maybe every single thing is NOT completely doomed and awful and not-worth-it. What a concept…. 🙂

  62. I started reading Eva’s blog through your wine-slushie enablers list. She’s amazing, heartbreaking, and wonderful. I posted on her blog that I wanted to give grade three her a hug, but upon review, I’d like to give now her a hug too. Since you’re her friend, could you pass one on for me? And one for you too (yay stranger touches). Welcome back woman. You are 10 thousand kinds of awesome.

  63. I am so very glad you’re feeling better. That hole is a terrifying place. Been there, done that, bought the Prozac and several other anti-depressants. Thank you so much for your encouraging words! You’re saving lives, you know!

  64. “Depression is a lying bastard” – definitely needs to be on a shirt or a card! I know where you’re coming from, big hugs. Or a Valium. 😉

  65. You are an inspiration and you use the “f word” a lot. Two qualities I look for in admirable people. Rock on!

  66. Welcome back!

    I’ve battled depression most of my life. I’ve been really struggling for the past few months. It’s hard, and I’m so happy that you found the light at the end of your tunnel. You should be very proud!

    Big love to you!!

  67. YOU KICK THAT BASTARD IN THE FACE! Then, jiggle some jello at it, cause there’s nothing Depression hates more than a silly dessert.

    It’s comforting to see that these bouts happen to other people, although I wish no one had to live through them ever. Thanks for sharing your stories.

  68. The husband and I were talking about an acquaintance with schizophrenia who is making her ex-husband’s life extremely difficult now. We came up with the model of Being Ill and making Responsible Choices vs, Being Well and Making “Bad” choices.
    It’s a helpful heuristic now that I’ve been in the hole recently.
    “Sure, I’m depressed, but do I have to be a dick about it?
    No. I don’t *have* to eat the last of the pumpkin pie.
    Now, back to that letter I’m sending to the babysitter who molested me.”

    Small triumphs.

  69. So glad that lying bastard depression has begun to relinquish its evil hold.

    PS You and Wil Wheaton are making my brain hurt. You two are Schrodinger’s Lunch Box.

  70. I adore your blog, and your never-ending hilarity! I’ve also been in the abyss for the last several weeks. Doesn’t it seem ironic that so many people who struggle with depression are also sooooooo funny?

    Anyhoo, just wanted to say that I love ya’! [You, literally, make me laugh until I cry.]

  71. Depression is such a dick. Thanks for getting out of the hole so I can see that at least SOMEONE did it. It’s almost like having depression and/or anxiety is a prerequisite for blogging!

  72. Glad to hear someone who suffers can talk about it, laugh about it and then kick its ass…
    You are a role model we all need to look up to
    *knuckles* and glass *clink to ya!

  73. Have you seen this video? Guaranteed to get you 5 depression-free minutes! I personally like episode 2 best. I can’t remember where I saw this video first and I’m really hoping you didn’t link to it. I searched your site for “buffalo” and didn’t see the link so maybe you haven’t seen this yet!

    dammit i forgot how to hyperlink. sorry! Guy on a buffalo is worth copy/pasting!

    (So awesome. ~Jenny)

  74. That animals being dicks website is one of the best things I’ve ever seen. HILARIOUS! Thanks Jenny! (Glad you are feeling better.)

  75. I can’t even pretend to understand what you are going through, but I can tell you that since I’ve begun following you, I do pay closer attention to giant metal chickens. They are fucking EVERYWHERE.

  76. Welcome back! Whenever I’m in the hole I DO NOT see the fucking light….and then I come into the light and do not see the hole. Until I fall back down it. Effing vicious cycle.

  77. As someone trying to pull themselves out of their own hole I thank you for your words of encouragement. It does get better. Depression is not the reality. Congrats on resurfacing and thanks for the hope.

  78. Thanks for the link to the Red Dress post.

    My friend Kim turned 40 this year. In her family, there is a tradition of buying a red dress when you turn 40. A red dress. A sexy dress. A dancing dress.

    I loved your red dress. Wear the hell out of it, girl.

  79. You will appreciate this sign . I got it via your link to brilliant responses to graffiti. It’s about stabbing…

  80. How do you climb out? I am in deep.

    (I just ride it out until it passes. I talk to friends and family, and I keep up with my therapist. Eventually it passes. It will for you too. ~Jenny)

  81. Lovely can I ask you a question? (rhetorical as am going right on ahead to ask!) does your writing suffer when you get down? I get almost paralysed which depresses me even more…. any tips on how to keep going when all you feel like doing is stabbing yourself in the eye with the nearest action toy?

    Nicole xxx

    (It affects my writing. I try to have several columns written in case I need to hide for a week, but I also only work with people who understand that sometimes with depression I’m just not going to be able to make my deadlines. I’m really lucky to work with people who understand that. ~ Jenny)

  82. I love the “lying bastard and this will pass.” It reminds me of what my ex-therapist would say when I was in a really low depression or a bugs-crawling-under-the-skin, twitchy, racy, annoyed-with-all-humans high — “Remember, the good news is that you have ultra-rapid cycling bipolar. In a few days you’ll feel completely different.” She’s the only one who ever told me ultra-rapid cycling was good (and she was right).

  83. Maybe depression is a lying bastard. But is it also the thing that makes you so wonderful to so many others. In some sort of mixed up crazy way, I think it might also be your lying bastard of a gift. And for that, and seeing all of the responses that it gets from so many others I have to say YAY for sadness and how it bonds us together. And boo to me, the asshole who wants to suggest you could throw a parade for your pain. Err….. something. I’m going to stop drinking and posting. Friends don’t let friends drink and post. I expect you to delete this.

  84. So glad you are getting out of this hell hole known as depression. I am in the depths of it and have moments where rational helps, but you know how it goes – not ever day can be like that – guess that is why it is called depression. Will it get better? Yes. But who knows when that will be – thankful to be reminded though, that it will come. Eventually.
    Much love,

  85. I love reading your posts because they take my mind off things that drag me down. We all have our demons and you always remind us to grab a sword, swing like crazy, and knock that motherfu**er out.

  86. Clinical depression + breast cancer and all the fun and rainbows that comes with it = scary.
    Jenny of the blog = a second of smile.
    Thanks bitch.
    It is brutal to share – honest and angry and afraid is the worst. I appreciate it. Don’t stop. You encourage more than you will ever know.

  87. Glad you’ve broken through the chains. I just read the Pregnancy article and I must say that I am thankfully not pregnant. Though I have yet to rule out dwarf pornos and being a zombie.

  88. Yay for being out of the hole! And also for the line “remember that depression is a lying bastard and that this will pass.” because it’s so true.

    I’ve always considered making some sort of sappy slideshow or video to watch for when I get down in my version of the hole. You know, something to remind myself how good life really is. A bit like that one chick from that Adam Sandler movie that I’ve never seen, I suppose. Except then I run the risk of making myself even more depressed by reminding myself of Adam Sandler movies. This thought has completely gotten away from me.

    Regardless, glad to have you back.

  89. Glad you are feeling better, the world is not quite as funny without you around. Take care, lots of people care about you and want to hear what you have to say!

  90. After years of dealing with lying bastards, I am married to one who is not, and yet the powers that be land me with yet another lying bastard in the form of depression *shakes fists at sky*. Fortunately you tell it like it is, as ever *downs another happy pill*…..if only you could get my children to sleep…….

  91. Thank you. This: “If you’re currently in the throes of a depression please remember that depression is a lying bastard and that this will pass. And life will be brighter again. I promise.” was exactly what I needed to hear. Even though depression is a lying bastard, and even though life is hell right now, I keep hearing from people that life goes on, that it gets better. And it’s not like I don’t believe them, it’s just . . . hard. And I feel like you get that. Even though you don’t know me. So, I guess, thank you, for being open and being brave enough to share parts of yourself with people who need it.

    Also, and at the risk of giving you whiplash because of the topic swap and mood swing, I saw this image and IMMEDIATELY thought of you:


  92. “Depression is a lying bastard.” Awesomeness! I needed to read you today.

  93. I want to curse this time of year – except I actually really love Autumn and Halloween and (in the UK) bonfire night… With all the sugary treats going around, what’s not to like?!

    My misery flares up big style this time EVERY year. To tell you the truth, it’s getting a tad repetative. Plus hating yourself is so exhausting it makes you just not want to do anything.

    Thankfully, the things that have got me through were you internets (especially you and Allie Brosh), and watching a shit load of terrible cop shows on TV (mindlessly addictive)

    Depression is a bare-faced liar. What I wouldn’t do to slap it…

    I’m glad you’re coming out of the other side though… xoxox

  94. Depression is nasty and still stumps my husband as to what the problem is. TG you’re coming out the other side. Love your posts!

  95. Glad you are feeling better! Depression is horrible and for all of us that get stuck in it, it’s sometimes wise to remember we can crawl out of the hole and back up again.

    Though mine takes chocolates and a realization that if I don’t clean the apartment and take out the trash, some of the items and rotten bits will start becoming sentient. And that’s just dangerous for everyone.

  96. 1) Sun
    2) Vitamin D drops
    3) Sun lamps
    4) More sun.

    Living in Texas, you have no excuse for SAD. Go outside. If you have depression year-round, I’ve found that mixing antidepressants and liquor works well. I’ve stopped the nicotine, which is also good. I thought it would kill me and throw me down a hole again, but it seems to help.

    Enough about me. More about you. Sex also helps, or so I’ve been told. I didn’t notice much of a difference.

  97. Welcome back to the happy place. Or at least, the not-so-sad place. And I am also happy to see Allie’s post, her drawings are insane. I’ve never seen so much emotion in so few strokes of the pen. And of course, your daughter is beautiful – props to that awesome dress, it’s gorgeous!

  98. There was totally something in the stars last week. Probably had to do with Mayan calendars and the apocalypse that went by TOTALLY unnoticed, but now, we all feel a bit brighter.

    Glad you’re on the up and up again.

  99. Thank you for that wonderful reminder. It is always hard to remember that the depression is not ALWAYS the constant. But then again, “we all go a little mad sometimes…”

  100. The only good thing about depression (if it can be said there is anything at all good about it, and if you can find this good while in the throes thereof) is knowing that, if you can just hang on and abstain from any bloodletting during the pendency, there IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. Sometimes, however, that tunnel seems never-ending. Don’t know about you, but I can tell when it’s coming, and can at least try to mentally prepare myself before the cloud settles around me.

    Glad you made it through. Hope the Black Dog stays away into the distant future.

  101. “…depression is a lying bastard and that this will pass. And life will be brighter again. I promise.”

    You’ve said something like this in earlier posts and I have to say that because of these words, I’m learning to deal with my depression better. I used to fight the lows every single time, but I’d just end up deeper in the hole. Even my therapists (yes, plural, I actually see a team of them) never suggested just riding it out (I think this is because the team likes seeing my money!) Thank you for helping me live my life a little better and even embracing the depression as a PART of me, but not all of me!

  102. The depression may clear up but the fucker always returns. I’m in the middle of a bad episode right now. I can’t shake it and I just want to curl up and die.

  103. Myself, having never gone through depression (unless you count it as being depressed when the wife won’t roll over for 2.6 minutes of absolute all encompassing passion), I can’t say I know what it’s like. But I’m glad to hear you’re finally out of it!

  104. It’s always bittersweet to be reminded of how many others understand depression. On the one hand, it’s comforting to know that I’m not the first, the last, or the only person who has ever endured long-term periods of crippling darkness. On the other, it pisses me off that anyone else has to go through this shit. Just remember that you’re a doll, and the world is better with you in it. You make a difference, and that counts for something.

  105. I hate that hole. You spend a couple of weeks sliding down into it before you even realize you’re there.

    And you’re totally, TOTALLY right. Depression, is, indeed a “lying bastard”. Thank you for giving me some ammo against it the next time I’m there. If I’m not actually already there and just delusional.

  106. Depression sucks. I urge anyone who is feeling very sad/down/depressed to seek therapy (and medication, if needed.)
    I’m glad you are emerging. Take care of yourself.

  107. Do you realize there are people who sit on the couch with their husbands and say things like
    Me: “So Jenny the Bloggess is having another severe bout of depression. Sounds like she’ll be out soon though.”
    Husband: “Oh that sucks! Thank God it’s almost over. How long was it?”
    Me: “Not too sure how long before she started talking about it on twitter.Maybe a week?”
    We talk about you like you live down the freaking road!
    My husband and I have both experienced our own battles and understand (maybe not as severely) how much it freaking sucks! Hang in there, enjoy the light and know that we’ll all be here the next time you need to dig yourself out.

  108. What’s great is that not only are you spectacularly funny, and honest, and relevant according to the internets, and married to a guy who seems to ‘get’ you without being subservient to you, but you also have an astonishingly brilliant and creative little girl who ain’t taking no shit from nobody! Good on her, and good on you!
    Take that, you lying depression bastard!

  109. Sorry you’ve been in the throes of depression yet again young one.As you know been there, done that.

    But right now I’d rather be there than here with a kidney that a surgeon played hackey sack with a few days ago. This is definitely wonderful.

    I hope you get some zombies tonight to cheer you up.

  110. As with so many others, I’m so glad you’re out of the hole. That hole is a bitch. I was in that hole one time and it took me almost a year to even figure it out. That sucked big time. The holes are shallower and shorter lived these days. Here’s to them all being shallower and shorter lived.

  111. I always hope it will pass, but part of me is always scared that she won’t live through this one. The cutting, the handfuls of Valium, I never know if she’ll be here in the morning.

  112. Welcome back! Your daughter’s costume is great. Creepy, and wrong on so many levels, but great. If I had any artistic ability whatsoever I’d carve you a freaky dead skull bloggess-y pumpkin to brighten your day… but I don’t….so I didn’t…. so, um ya, nevermind. But it’s the thought that counts, right?

  113. whenever i hear someone say that they recieved mail from people thanking them for sharing their story because it made a difference, i often think BULLSHIT. i mean who does that? turns out I do.
    i just want to say thank you for shining a light on depression in way that no one else does. you share your stories and amazing family through stories that LITERALLY have me laughing for hours… and you are honest about your darkest days and it reminds us that anyone and everyone can suffer from this lying bastard and that there is a brighter day on the way and i am so glad you share yours with us.

  114. I tried to add a comment on the mug but oddly it didn’t work. Anyway, my husband is a teacher and he needs a mug that says “I have nothing I can say to you” to have for his desk. i might have to make him one.

  115. Hearts, stars and sparkles in your direction. Your posts almost always make me laugh too loud to be work appropriate. Thanks for sharing everything. I look forward to your posts.

    p.s. I prefer the ghost bride to the corpse bride. props to your kiddo.

  116. Happy Halloween Jenny. Glad you are feeling better….we are certainly ready to hear more about all of your fun.

  117. Thank you, Goddess, for your transparency…and your reminder…depression IS a lying bastard…

    And happy Samhain day! May your day be witchily wonderful and ghoulishly delightful!

    Prevail~Tattoo Girl

  118. My sister was depressed last week so she bought a brand new Jeep. Now she is depressed about the payments. I wish she had read your blog first.

  119. I think maybe fall just makes people feel extra depressed. So many people that I know who are suffering from depression have a much harder time in the fall. Best of luck to you 🙂 Love your blog!

  120. Hi,

    Apologies for the off-topic comment, but I couldn’t find a contact email for you.

    I recently put out an ebook of my writing, called ‘The New Death and others’. It’s a collection of short pieces, mostly dark fantasy.

    I was wondering if you’d be interested in doing a review on your blog.

    If so, please email me: news@apolitical.info. Let me know what file format is easiest for you, and I’ll send you a free copy.

    You can download a sample from the ebook’s page on Smashwords:


    I’m also happy to do interviews, guest posts, or giveaways. Just let me know what you’d prefer.


  121. I’m glad to hear that you came out the other side. Depression is the worst thing to go through and I know personally that conquering it is an impossible task.

  122. So happy to see this, Jenny.

    Allie’s post: I spent an hour there. Crying, so grateful: that she could explain what I never can.

    I can’t explain it.

    Even if someone were in my head: they wouldn’t get it.

    It’s so much more than thoughts, it’s like a snake that just keeps crawling around, and hiding under the familiar…and never really lets you get your guard down.

  123. Glad you’re up and at em, and feeling better! If I could round up a posse to go lynch all the depression running around, I’d do it — just for you. Okay, and for me too.

  124. Depression is, indeed, a lying bastard. Rowling’s depiction of depression as dementors is genius, as is her suggestion for how to recover: chocolate. Now, if we could just figure out how to do a patronus charm . . . . .

    Feel better. The Will WHeaton wormhole of awesomeness is enough to get me through today!

  125. Just wanted you to know that I’m a fairly new reader of your blog/Twitter and I cannot get enough of it! I have battled depression, tried to suffocate it before it suffocated me, and have found myself living such a manic life at times. I relate to you in lots of ways and I just wanted to make sure you heard this today because it is absolutely true: YOU ARE KICKASS!

    I’m obsessed.

    That’s all. Have a groovy day! 🙂
    -Baily (@bailyjones)

  126. You pin the best stuff! That poncho ad is probably how I would write ad copy … if I had a job writing ad copy 😛

    Glad the depression is abating. Being in that hole sucks like nothing else 🙁

  127. SO glad you’re doing better because it fucking sucks to be sunk in a funk. I think one of the commenters on Wil’s post has the right idea: You should always reply to shitty marketing solicitations with Wil’s collating paper picture and he should always reply of a duplicate picture but of YOU collating paper. I’m pretty sure that would create some kind of internet time warp perpetual motion black hole. Or something.

  128. For once I have something helpful to say.

    Sure (temporary) cure for depression: catch the video of Rick Perry in New Hampshire. Rachel ran it last night….

  129. can’t disagree with Rachel on watching that Rick Perry video. I think he should’ve been out there tricking as Gilderoy Larkhart. It’s the hair coupled with the fanciful thinking.

    And may I wish you only the best and most complete emeregence!

  130. glad to read this.

    I just came out of a depression 2 weeks ago that had lasted for 7 weeks. And the worst one yet.

    It’s good to see the sun again.

  131. Jenny,
    I would like to know how one goes about borrowing the Traveling Red Dress. On April 21, 2012, I plan to go skydiving to celebrate the 4 year anniversary of my surviving a horrific home invasion robbery (that got much worse than that – he went on to kill a subsequent victim). I am calling the weekend “Celebrating Survival” in honor of having made it through 4 years and two criminal trials (one for the other victim’s attack/death and one for my attack) – lots of fellow survivors I have met along the way will be coming from all over the country to watch me jump. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t let me jump in the red dress, but I think it would be AWESOME to wear it sometime that weekend. If there’s anything I learned from what happened to me, it’s that life is too short not to do something amazing – and sometimes completely unexpected – with it!

  132. I read your blog all the time and find it absolutely hilarious on most days. I think it makes it even more powerful when you post about the “darker” side of things. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing what most people won’t. You are much more brave than you probably think you are! I struggled with depression for a long time, and now it’s mostly subsided and apparently invested the energy in anxiety, so I understand the feeling. When I was struggling with major depression, I wish I had been able to hear other people talk about it honestly. So few people want to admit to it, and it’s very good at making you isolate yourself. So thanks from someone who’s been there, and know that your honesty inspires others to survive through it, even if some days that’s all you feel like you can do… is struggle through.

    Best wishes to you, better days lie ahead 🙂

  133. I’m on my way out of the hole to smack this lying, bastard depression in the face. Jenny, your blog helps… and other internets hilarity in general. Then I stumble on blogs, like the one I’m linking to, essentially making light of people like us with cases of ‘the crazies’ and I start feeling stabby. http://www.brooklynlimestone.com/2011/10/halloween-decor-reveal-welcome-to.html#.TrCOBvSa9tM

    Am I the only one that is very sensitive about the stigma of mental illness? Is it even worth it to get my panties in a ruffle to send this woman hate mail?

  134. Jesus, I’m going through a major bought of anxiety and depression right now and I thought, “I’ll check out the Bloggess, she’ll have something to say about it,” and this was the post that was up. I love you.

  135. Thank you. I needed the depression is a lying bastard statement right now. You’re a beautiful person.

  136. All of it was just lovely.

    The graffiti site reminded me of two things:
    1) During my brief stint in college, I remember going to the bathroom (I think it was the smaller ones in the sciences building with like three stalls or something). I remember sitting in the stall doing what you normally do and noticing behind the baby blue paint stall door a conversation had started in graffiti. An actual conversation. Two distinct penmanships, voices, everything. I wondered who those people were.
    And 2) I remember going to hear a woman speak about a master’s thesis (or some kind of thesis she did) and she had been trying to figure out what topic to work on when she finally decided on the graffiti in men’s and women’s bathroom. I can’t remember specifics at the moment, but I do recall at the time finding it completely fascinating. I think it was for psych or something. Oh! I do remember men’s graffiti was often violent and threatening whereas women were generally helpful and caring. (Go fig!) ;-P

    You didn’t ruin Harry Potter for me. I’ve seen all the movies though admittedly I’m still on book four. (For some reason my brain just couldn’t push through Goblet of Fire… which is obviously where Cedric dies and becomes Edward the sparkly vampire).

    Your daughter (as you are) is made of awesome. You both looked just lovely for Halloween. Loved her black rose axe. Quite spiffy.

    That pin site. Loved it. Never seen it before. I shall peruse it when I’m not about to go to bed.

    Wil Wheaton. I’ve been hearing the collating thing for a while. Where did all that start? LOL!

    Okay, time to go to bed. Have a great time in Hawaii. Party like a rockstar!!!

    Have Goodness!

  137. agreed–depression sucks. have to say that your blog is one thing that helps me. makes me laugh everytime! thanks.

    btw, i think i need a shirt that says the same as mug. –late last night my teen daughter and I had to make an emergency drive out to the local pharmacy store for pads (neither of us had remembered our supply was out–not the funny part). anyway, we also saw halloween stuff on sale and for some reason we both decided we just had to have the lone skull that was left on the shelf. seriously, pads and a skull. that is what we bought. now my question would be WHO would think that two females out shopping late with that kind of purchase seriously wants to hear about your life story? obviously, the very oblivious teenage boy behind the counter who wanted to tell us about the latest movie he saw and how he met his best friend and on and on as he very slowly scans our stuff. like we freaking care! when we finally are able to collect our pads and skull, my daughter very seriously asks “can we please add talking boy’s skull to the shelf?”

    when we got to the car, we both thought of you and your blog/store–figured you would have the perfect idea for a time like this. or would have a similar, but even funnier story! so again, thanks for helping be laughter therapy for both of us.

  138. Does it help at all to know that you (and Allie) make the rest of us feel like it is possible to be stricken with depression and still be fucking awesome at the same time? You are all those things that depression tells us that we are not. It is easy to see the lie in yours, if not our own. So we (apparently I am speaking on behalf of all depressed people which I have no right to do but feel like it anyway since it silences many of us) can imagine that our depressed voice is as full of shit as yours. Keep clawing your way back out – every time you rear up again, clutching some freaky yard statue or dangerous thrift shop monstrosity, we rejoice.

  139. I’ve been in a pit of depression for the last couple of days, and just wanted to thank you for reminding me that it will get better. Just clearly not fast enough.

  140. I am truly glad to hear that you have made it to the other side. It sounds like you have a wonderful family who loves you very much. Support is essential.
    Unfortunately, as the widow of a mentally ill man, I know that sometimes, no matter how often your loved ones tell you the truth (that they all love you very much, that your life is worth living, that you are not such a burden as to make taking your life logical or necessary, etc.), there is no getting out of the downward spiral. No amount of convincing or wishing or hoping will render the light any more attainable.
    Keep on keepin’ on, Miss Jenny.

  141. Great thought…..Love the optimisim. 🙂
    Another thought that just might help, (I know such things usually perk me up) I just ran across this blog today (in a semi normal way….I wasn’t trying to find sweaters for my obese cat, or any other old woman thing. Just doin the recent cool kid thing and pinteresting) ANYWAY, I spent most of my work day reading your blog. Then I ran across the entry from around Christmas last year and saw the amazing gift you guys did with the gifts cards. I have to ask: Is that happening again?????? I NEED to help in some way!!!

  142. Next time that bitch depression comes knocking at your door turn off all the lights and pretend your not home… call me and Ill come over and kick her asss right there on your doorstep… I’ll even let you watch! ;0)

  143. I’ve dealt with post-partum depression (personal) & bi-polar (other people), and I never really could find the words to describe it–so thanks for that! We all have days where we just wanna crawl into a hole–talking about it is the right thing to do. I’ll raise a toast to our beautiful sanity!

  144. So OCD, but it is completely bothering me that, in the video of The Ghost Bride story, the Harry Potters are out of order …

  145. Depression sucks, and it can be a bitch to get through, and I’m glad to hear you’ve pulled yourself out of the hole. Chin up, girl, we love ya too much to stay blue.

  146. It sounds like you have a wonderful family who loves you very much. Support is essential.I’m glad to hear you’ve pulled yourself out of the hole. Chin up, girl, we love ya too much to stay blue.

  147. Glad you’re feeling better. I fall into a crazy depression every year around this time. It’s is directly tied to the debut of Christmas decorations in retail stores. I kid you not. It sucks. I hate winter and I really hate stuffed cartoon characters in Santa hats. They look stupid and, frankly, creep me out a little. Anyway, one of the things that helps me is laughter and you know what, my dear? You make me laugh.

    Thanks for helping me through the rough patches. ** HUG**

  148. Hi Jenny, your post reminded me of a really good post from hyperbole and a half. In case you don’t follow her, Here’s her version of depression I think you’d love it. It’s depression in cartoon form with awesome mental dialog. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

  149. Hello up there outside of the hole… cheers to you!
    I am still down here trying to slay this lying bastard… the crafty motherfucker.

  150. Depression IS a lying motherfucker. And what do we do with lying motherfuckers? We bitch slap their ass. Keep fighting.
    Sending much love your way!

  151. I love hearing that you are feeling better! Honestly, from just reading your blog, one would never know that you suffer from depression. In my mind, you are just one hilarious gal. It’s great that you share your struggle though, because I think there are so many of us that go through the same thing. It make me think that even the most confident people I know can struggle. Thanks!


  152. From the rabbits hole of sadness and lying thoughts, the bloggers rise.

    I too just woke the eff up, must be in the air.

  153. depression blows the big one. i ran out of my medication a few days ago. definitely ate cookies for lunch today and was seriously considering laying down on the floor for a while. mind you, i’m at work.

    but you seriously make me laugh out loud, so there’s something. hang in there! we big pink fluffy heart you!

  154. dude, you haven’t posted in like 5 days, so you must still be suffering.

    if it’s any consolation, in my opinion, anyone worth knowing at all, is of a depressive nature.

    so there’s that…

  155. . It’s great that you share your struggle though, because I think there are so many of us that go through the same thing.

  156. I miss you. It’s been a few days, and you had said you were crawling into a depression, so I wanted to tell you something.

    I don’t know you, but I think you’re absolutely amazing. Your sense of humor is exactly my type of “wrong,” your refusal to conform is inspiring. Your determination to go in search of the things that bring you joy even if you’re all alone in the dark with a flashlight is positively awesome. YOU are awesome. Sometimes I wish I lived near you, but if I did, you’d probably have all those people wishing that they lived near you sucking on your energy when they’re depressed, and that just blows. Tell them all to take a hike. At least for a day.

    If you think that no one has noticed that you haven’t posted, I have. I hope you’re just busy. But if you’re not, let me know who I have to point a flamethrower at. I’ll bring martinis. And chocolate. And bacon. Or maybe chocolate and bacon flavored martinis. I’ll think of something.

    If you’re just fine, forget I made this post. Even better, save it for a rainy day.

  157. That anyone has to suffer from that is an injustice.
    The fact that your blog helps so many with the same problem is awesome, and if anything can be done for you, let us know!

    I’ve been told I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich. I’m sure I can figure out a way to ship it if you think it will help…

  158. I have cried for 5 months straight, and come close to wrecking my whole family. I have realized I need help, but don’t CARE enough to go to the Dr. For whatever reason, this entry was the only thing that has sunk in, and you have probably very literally just saved my life. Thank you seems so trivial, but it’s all i got…

  159. You should punch depression in the face. That’s what I do. And sometimes tan to get my glow on. Yeah, yeah, I know about skin cancer. Christ.

  160. I have commented here before, but not often. I just wanted to say that your blog both seriously cracks my shit up and makes me not feel so much like there’s something wrong with suffering from depression and anxiety. I even finally got confident enough to write about it on my own blog. So..thanks.

  161. I am so glad you are feeling better Jenny!
    You need to know that yours is one of the few blogs I read that actually makes me laugh out loud sitting at my computer. FOR REAL!! Thank you for being you and bringing joy to my life!!

  162. I think you just saved my friendship. seriously. My best friend and I were in a huge screaming match over the phone, I appoligized b/c she was all sad and crying, and then I sent her here. I shared all my favorite posted with her (you should see her facebook wall, I look like a crazy ex-girlfriend with the number of posts to your blog posts) and we’ve been reading your stuff for a good hour and a half and some how came to the agreement that all is right in the world. I blame Posey and Copernicus. So, on that note: I give you a strangle I dont want to finish (laziness) and hope that I can at some point meet you because you are so very very awesome. Oh, my brother and I were debating if you live in Pearland or San Antonio. He’s rich and would really like to win this bet. I could use the money…(dollar).

  163. Dear Jenny, I have been reading your blog for a while now and I decided to comment. I am currently winding up a Association for the Promotion of Campus Activites (APCA) conference where we (college students) get to sit around and listen to amazing performers and eat lots of food brought to use by waiters. Difficult, I know.

    A speaker named Stanley Pearson was involved in almost all of our activities and he is incredibly inspiring. I would like to share with you his mantra:

    “When you feel like no one loves you, no one cares for you, and everyone is ignoring you, you should start asking yourself ‘Am I too sexy?”

    Usually we are all smiling by the time we draw out the word ‘sexy’ and feel much better than before. Sexy is such an awesome word.

    Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you as I think you would appreciate any excuse to use “sexy”. I hope your days get awesomer. And yes, awesomer is a word. I invented it. You are welcome.

    (I should probably mention that I am in no way related to Stanley. I just think he is great.) -Julie

  164. Hello there!

    Welcome back! That’s good news! Depression is an evil feeling that makes your life miserable. So next time you have to stay away from it! Stay happy!

  165. Congrats on getting out of the hole! I’m slowly getting there myself. My boyfriend has been a huge help over the last several months, but I think what is pushing me most right now was rereading your post on being furiously happy. Sheer determination and lots of laughs and I’m finally feeling better. Thank you.

  166. Congratulations on your book. I can’t wait to read it. I discovered your blog awhile ago and then started stalking, erm, I meaning following you. My partner, Andrew, sympathizes with Victor for some reason.

  167. Depression has been my constant friend for the last 20 years. And you’re right. It’s a bastard. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to it being my companion for life. I’m glad you are doing better.

  168. Wow! It can’t be an accident I haven’t read your blog for a while and I started with this one as I am going THROUGH my own personal hell lol! Yes, this too shall pass and depression is a lying mother fucker!

  169. Just when the caterpillar thought she was going to die; she turned into a butterfly. I saw this on a card yesterday. it was the message I needed.

  170. Jenny, a week later your post continues to have the power to put things in perspective. I’ve been spiraling downward all week, can think of little other than the mountain of undone things I should do and how worthless I am, entertained thoughts of eternal escape. And then you reminded me that depression is a lying bastard. Thank you.

  171. Thank you. This speaks to the heart. I think we need to have kinkos print it up for us and hang it on our mirrors so we are reminded every day.

  172. Welcome back on track, depression is an ugly and bugging thing, I’ve been through it. Concentrate and focus on the positive things and try to laugh at everything. Smiling is a curing medicine !

  173. SO I just started reading you, and have probably done too much commenting. SO – Please ignore all the other BS I said and help me out with this one please:
    PINTREST, although awesome, requires me to have someone invite me. Which is stupid because it relies on the premise that everyone has friends. psh. F-that.

    Anyway – I sent you a request to request me. Which is embarassing. so, even though I am an adult, I will have to ask you…UMMMMM
    Can you please be my friend?
    *sigh Thanks!

  174. Today I’m thankful for your blog in general, and reminders such as this one in particular. My brain is a poor, sad chemical soup, and I must be gentle with her today.

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