November 2011 – The Bloggess

#OCCUPYCOLBERT (UPDATED)

See updates below… Dear Stephen Colbert. Ow. Last night, as a huge fan of your work, I was watching your show when I heard your opening joke at 4:10: “They say every time God closes a door he opens a window. That’s why Heaven has such huge air-conditioning bills.” And I had to agree thatContinue reading “#OCCUPYCOLBERT (UPDATED)”

UPDATED: I was just on Nightline and I didn’t even kill anyone. That anybody is aware of, at least.

It’s close to midnight but I was just watching TV because a bunch of people on twitter told me they saw me on Nightline. I caught the last part of it and apparently my blog had a 2.5 second cameo on a story about Soleil Moon Frye (who is super-sweet in real life, and whoContinue reading “UPDATED: I was just on Nightline and I didn’t even kill anyone. That anybody is aware of, at least.”

Someone find me a tattoo parlor

Every time I tell Victor to scratch the super-itchy part of my shoulder-blade that I can’t reach he never gets the right spot, and I get more and more frustrated and I scream “NOT THERE. SCRATCH WHERE IT FEELS LIKE SPIDER EGGS ARE HATCHING UNDER MY SKIN”, and then he yells “You’re not pointing atContinue reading “Someone find me a tattoo parlor”

It’s like a hoodie. But with fangs.

Last week my friend Suebob pointed me toward an enormous taxidermied wolf on Etsy THAT YOU CAN WEAR. It was made of awesome, and I was able to verify that the wolf died of old age/kidney failure so I could buy it with a clear conscience and PETA couldn’t throw blood at me when I woreContinue reading “It’s like a hoodie. But with fangs.”

My cat has terrible handwriting

Victor: I’m afraid to even ask this, but why do you have a reminder on the calendar to “set up an apartment for the cat“? me: What? That doesn’t sound like something I’d do. Victor: Actually, it sounds exactly like something you’d do. me: Why would I set the cat up with an apartment? That’sContinue reading “My cat has terrible handwriting”

God and Jesus. It’s like when your parents get on Facebook.

On the way home from our vacation/hospital-stay, Victor and I ended up traveling with a very well-meaning man who wouldn’t stop talking about how God put me in the hospital on purpose because apparently He hates me. Stranger: Well, God doesn’t close a door without opening a window. Victor: Well that explains why our electricContinue reading “God and Jesus. It’s like when your parents get on Facebook.”