Victor: I’m afraid to even ask this, but why do you have a reminder on the calendar to “set up an apartment for the cat“?
me: What? That doesn’t sound like something I’d do.
Victor: Actually, it sounds exactly like something you’d do.
me: Why would I set the cat up with an apartment? That’s ridiculous. Frankly, it sounds more like something the cat would do.
Victor: The cat is amazingly good at faking your handwriting.
me: That’s what you get for buying a cat with opposable thumbs. Honestly, I have no memory of writing that. Why would I even write that?
Victor: Why do you do any of the things you do?
me: That’s so weird. I feel like I’m letting the cat down, and I don’t even know why.
**Ten minutes later**
me: OH MY GOD, I REMEMBER. Cat APPOINTMENT. It was a reminder to set up an appointment for the cat because he needs his shots.
me: Holy crap, I’m so glad I figured that out. That was going to bother me all day.
Victor: Me too.
Victor: No, not at all.
me: Is it just me or does the cat look disappointed?
Victor: I’m going to need you to stop talking now.
In non-related news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up. Let’s get started, shall we?
What you missed on the Houston Chronicle:
What you missed on my sex column (mildly safe for work if your boss isn’t a total douche-canoe):
- Sexy Pilgrim was my personal favorite.
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Safely drop the f-bomb on casual day.
- This is why I never get invited to baby showers.
- Depression Lies. (There’s a link for a free copy at the bottom if you need it.)
- I made you a Christmas card! (Cards are half off today. See top banner for code.)
- I made you a non-denominational holiday card! (Oh stop it, angry Christians.)
- It’s a trivet. Or a spoon-rest. Or a very serious warning.
- Christmas ornaments. Or very inexpensive necklaces. Version 1, version 2, version 3, version 4. Collect the whole set! Or none of them. Either way, really. Someone stop me from making stuff, please.
What you missed on the internets:
- I agreed to be interviewed by high-schoolers. I did not curse even once.
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
- I submitted my name to “Hello, my fucking name is” (under the category of “Because it’s about time somebody straightened this shit out” because people mix up my name.) They attributed it to another blogger named Jenny. This is my whole life, you guys.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by DrinkNeuro. I usually don’t do giveaways here, but I’m randomly giving out a few cases today because you seem particularly stressed out. Personally, I’m a fan of NeuroSleep. It’s like sunshine mixed with roofies. But healthier. (Product does not contain roofies. Unless “melatonin” is latin for “roofies”. Then it has a shitload of roofies in it.)