The most fascinating dinner party IN THE WORLD

in Random Crap

Barbara Walters came out with her list of the ten most fascinating people of 2011 and I feel really bad for her because I assume that she wrote that list as a joke and then accidentally published it.  I don’t like to criticize, but if your list of the ten most fascinating people includes three Kardashians then you’re doing it wrong.

(The full list:  Simon Cowell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, Derek Jeter, Donald Trump, Katy Perry, Pippa Middleton and a shitload of Kardashians.)

I do adore two people on that list but even they can’t save this from being THE WORST DINNER PARTY EVER.  And that’s why I’ve decided to make my own list of the most fascinating people in 2011, or as I like to call it “Who I’d Invite to the Most Interesting Dinner Party Ever (but then  probably hide from in the bathroom because of my anxiety disorder.)”  

You’re invited.  Just take a look at who I’m starting the guest list out with and add anyone you’d like to bring to the party in the comment section.  Let’s get started:

Neil Gaiman

Amanda Palmer

Ray Bradbury

BigFoot

Eddie Izzard

D. B. Cooper

The Poe Toaster

Queen Elizabeth (but only if she’s drunk)

My little sister (but only if she isn’t drunk)

Zach Galifianakis

Teller

Alice Walker

Traci Lords

Alan Rickman

Wil Wheaton with a half-pony/half-monkey that he made himself

William Shatner handcuffed to Oliver the Chimpanzee

The girl from Doodling in Math Class

Victor (because he’s going to be pissed if I have a party at our house and don’t invite him)

Okay, your turn. What fascinating person would you bring to the party?

890 thoughts on “The most fascinating dinner party IN THE WORLD”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Wow. Ray Bradbury? Excellent call. (I was about to say I hope you have air freshener on hand because I honestly thought he was no longer with us.)

    I would add your little sister but only if she is drunk, because, what are you trying to hide?

  4. Jen Lancaster… between you two, I’ll be laughing so hard I’ll cry and pee my pants at the same time.

  7. What?!?! Where is Nathan Fillion! Or is he perhaps wearing the naturally deceased wolf & serving us all?

  10. I would invite the entire cast of Community. But only if they stay in character the whole time.

  11. I’d bring Felicia Day, but then the cops would show up because since I don’t really know her I’d have to bring her by nefarious means.

  12. I met Bradbury once. The dude can still hold an audience. He’s amazing.

    I’d invite Jessica Mills (of the Awkward Embraces webseries, which makes me laugh so hard that ‘m not allowed to drink anything while watching it).

  14. You picked most of my favorite people, I’m assuming that you’re already going to be there so I’d have to go with Anne Wheaton, because she cracks me up and Allie Brosh for the same reason.

  16. I was going to remind you of Victor until the last bit. The Bloggess leaves no one behind. I’m assuming you are invited as well?

    If not, now you are.

  17. I would invite Allie Brosh from Hyperbole and a Half, in hopes that she would write an awesome illustrated blog post about it.

  18. Holy hell, David & Amy Sedaris. And ideally, all their family (I would recommend that you hold the party in a closed class room with many, many cameras running)

    Oh, also Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry & Douglas Adams (extra points if you can get Adams)

  19. Respectfully, I’d add Alan Moore to that list. And also Bruce Campbell. For they are also gods.

    Bradbury? Great choice, lady. I’d listen to him all damn night.

  20. One rather wonders which of the two you adore. Also what it takes to sneak in to your party instead of hers.

  22. Scrooge McDuck. Is this 2010 or 2011? I thought it was 2011, but I’m starting to question that.

  26. Wil Wheaton should be higher on that list just for the dungeons and dragon factor, and he DID coolate papers just for you.

  27. Alice Cooper but only if he brings his snake too – I like snakes, they are all snakey and cool!

  28. If we don’t mind the dead, Pierre Eliot Trudeau would kick all their asses. Bring along Margaret & The Stones for a dust-up

  30. Pauley Perrette, who is fascinating, knowledgeable on a range of topics, ferocious in her opinions, and might need introducing to different foods than chicken sandwiches.

  31. Stephen King. I really would love to hear stories from both him and Gaiman. I wouldn’t sleep after that. Ever Again, but it would be worth it….

  32. Oh, you did the 2010 thing again! Consistency is important.

    Eddie Izzard would be on my list for sure. And I’d have Mimi Smartypants and you. Patrick Stewart. Brad Bell. I’m sure I’ll think of more…

  33. I would definitely bring Richard branson, only so I could butter him up and get a free space ride

  34. Anderson Cooper. In which case NOT my husband. Unless AC really is gay (as everyone who knows my love of Anderson Cooper keeps insisting), in which case my husband can come, since there will be no smooching and/or innapropriate under-the-table games. But then I want to invite Al Gore too. Since all we’re going to be doing is talking. And this way I can ask him about how we can get together and invent another internet because frankly I’m getting a little tired of this one.
    I’d like to invite John Lennon too, but dead people tend to bring dinner parties down.

  41. Jonathan Coulton. Because that’s probably who gave Wil Wheaton got the pony/monkey idea. Also he’s just a whiz with the music that I like to listen to.

  42. Jamie Hyneman. (Do I get more than one? I am going to assume yes, because then I get to say more than one.)
    Also Allie, of Hyperbole and a Half.
    Randall Munroe of XKCD.
    Dame Judi Dench.

  43. The guy with the long flowing beard that plays air guitar in traffic (on Florida Avenue in Tampa). That dude seriously rocks!!

  49. Russell Brand (it’s only polite since he’s Mr . Katie Perry but a lot funnier) and Ricky Gervais.

  56. I would bring Betty White and Max Bemis. I wouldn’t mind Katy Perry being there, but she isn’t exactly fascinating. Just fun to look at.

  60. Um, I hate to mention it, but I think that tiny “what year is it?” confusion thing has happened again. . . . “that’s why I’ve decided to make my own list of the most fascinating people in 2010.”

    Or are you just so cool that you were being retro and I am too uncool to have gotten it?

    I wouldn’t invite any people. I find dogs more interesting. That could be why I have no friends.

  62. I would SO love to be at that dinner party! Can I bring noted astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson? He’s both smart AND funny!

    Also, I will happily lend you some Xanax if it will help you from hiding in the bathroom.

  63. Matthew Inman – The Oatmeal
    Think of the cartoons… Actually, he should do a whole series of cartoons on your dinner party vs Barbara Walters’ list.

  64. I say invite Barbara Walters, but that broad has to sit in the corner and learn the meaning of the word interesting.

  67. Love your list… and love that it’s for ” people of 2010″ 😉

    Leonard Nimoy… because he’s awesome.

    Dude, I’d totally invite every living actor who played the Doctor, then spend the night pretending I’m in some time paradox.

  69. OMG YES to Takei. Takei & Rick Perry (why do I seem to just keep casting Thunderdome Dinner. ThundinnerDome)

    (ok, I’m off now to create a restaurant called ThunDinnerDome. “patent pending, patent pending, patent pending!”)

  72. DB Cooper is an amazing choice…(he’s the bank robber right? Not the guy from that one ice skating movie (frick, what’s that movie called? OH RIGHT, The Cutting Edge)? Actually, either one is ok.)

  73. John Barrowman & Ewan Mcgregor. Because they’re both funny as hell, probably full of great stories & pretty to look at if they got tired of talking.

  74. Please also have Wil Wheaton bring his wife Anne, because she is awesome. And then Nathan Fillion can be my date.

  75. since you’re in the bathroom hiding I really think you might want to invite someone well versed in the janitorial arts.. maybe Neil Flynn (from Scrubs) although he might scare you out of the bathroom…

  76. I have to agree with Kara about David and Amy Sedaris. I think the whole family might be a bit much though. Just sayin’! I also agree with you on Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer. I would add Leonard Cohen.

    Ardee-ann

  77. Yeah, when I saw the commercial for her special I laughed out loud. Yes, many of your picks would be awesome. I would bring/kidnap (xd) Bill Murray, James Franco, Bret Easton Ellis, Nicole Kidman, Jeff Goldblum, Doug Stanhope, Rob Huebel, Craig Bierko, John Cusack, Elizabeth Wurtzel, Fiona Apple, Steven Weber & Jenny Mollen. Plus some cool net people but it seems weird/creepy (coming from me) to list non-famous people. My anxiety would have me in a corner of the bar drinking Jack.

  78. I totally second Tina Fey and Felicia Day. Also Nathan Fillion. I’d invite Anthony Bourdain as well. Maybe Joss Wheadon.

  81. Holy crap, I love you people. Also, I totally called it 2010 again. WTF, me? I’m stuck in 2010. I’m going to be fucked in a few weeks.

    Also, I did consider inviting Nathan Fillion, but I have a lot of twine in my house and it’s my understanding that he might have some sort of allergy.

    Also, Wil’s wife will be there riding the half-monkey/half-pony. Because she’s awesome like that.

    And I’d also invite the homeless guy on Main Street who gives fascinating sermons to invisible people. I didn’t put him on the list though because I didn’t want to scare off William Shatner. The man is just damn jumpy.

  86. I’d be totally rude and invite myself to your awesome dinner party, but to make up for my rudeness I’ll bring in Neil Patrick Harris, Aisha Tyler and the Penny Arcade crew.

    I’d also bring baked goods, because they are tasty.

  87. Wait. Do they all have to be alive? Just in case, I will stick with people alive.

    Craig Ferguson, cause he’s funny AND he plays the harmonica.
    Margaret Atwood
    Stephen King
    Anne Rice
    My husband, whether drunk or sober, cause he can talk about anything and everything
    Cesar Milian, the dog whisperer
    Leonard Cohen
    Rutger Hauer
    Paula Deen cause I like to listen to her talk
    My son cause he’s very entertaining

    If they don’t have to be alive –
    Jesus, cause I think he’s more fun at a party than you would think
    Bette Davis
    Zelda Fitzgerald but not that drip of a husband of hers
    Mae West
    Czes?aw Mi?osz

  90. 1)jesus 2) the bloggess 3) nene leakes 4) luke dittrich 5) denzel washington 6) kathy griffin 7) my mother 8) whoever it was that originally sang that hallelujah song 9) Ernest Hemingway 10) andy cohen

    and ME!

  91. Wow, you’ve already got some of my favoritest peeps, but I’d have to add Tom Robbins and Douglas Addams. I would. And someone with beer.

  92. Oh, and I would invite the Penny Arcade guys as I love that comic and them. They’re hilarious and I would talk with them for hours about the nerdiest stuff EVER.

  94. Honest to god, George Takei might attend. And I assume Neil Gaiman & Amanda Fucking Palmer would. AND Hodgman.

    You need to arrange this & sell seats at $500/plate for charity. Please? And $50/plate remote access for those of us who ain’t gonna get to Texas

  97. If this is a Christmas party, I’d invite Bing Crosby cause you know he could be convinced to let out a few.

    And I love the Doodling in Math Class girl.

  99. British comedian Bill Bailey, because he’s one of those rare people who is both nice and incredibly funny all at once. More commonly, funny people tend to be real assholes (present company excluded, obviously!), but Bill is someone I wouldn’t mind being stuck on an aeroplane with for an extended period of time.

    Which must mean something.

  100. How about all of the lolcatz so Ferris Mewler has someone to eat with….as well as the guy wbehind the website. of course we can’t forget the mother fuckin Beyonce sitting in the center of the table.

  101. Bruce Campbell
    Matt Bomer*
    Tim DeKay*
    Willie Garson
    Brian Williams
    Joel McHale

    *because I need my eye candy-and I’m sure they have interesting things to say.

  102. How about Jose from Brandlinkcomm? But I’d put Vinnie Barbarino on one side and Screech on the other, then Queen E2 can sit across from him but only if she’s drunk.

  103. Actor John Stapleton who is a highly functional ‘downs’ syndrome adult of 44 years. Works at SubWay and family man.

  107. Although others have already beat me to it, I was gonna say Nathan Fillion and NPH.

    And I’d add Chris Hardwick, Judd Apatow and Matt Nathanson.

  110. i’m gonna have to go with whiplash, the dog-riding monkey. after all, one can only spend so much time engaging in titillating conversation. and then, pretty much, you’re gonna need a dog-riding monkey to turn it up a notch, to a whole notha level.

  111. DEFINITELY Kurt Sutter, because he can make the ‘C’ word sound like polite conversation. And can we have some good old fashioned eye candy? We’ve got intellectual eye candy, but it wouldn’t hurt to have some of the drooley variety, either.

  112. David Suzuki. And I just finished tweeting about the Kardashians before coming over here. I cannot believe how rich those bitches are getting for doing absolutely nothing. Seriously, America.

  116. I am the most fascinating person I know. Really. God, I sound pretty full of myself…but I’m not. Really. I could have a party all by myself…adding in more people does make it better though. If I could bring a date and my super fascinating-also husband needed to stay home to watch the kids, I’d bring Morgan Freeman. Not because he turns me on, but because I think he’d be a lot of fun at a party. The Kardashians are so passé, not to mention totally boring.

  117. I would invite:
    Sylvia Plath
    Anne Sexton
    Ernest Hemingway
    Frida Kahlo – unfortunately, these people are all dead so the conversation would be quite limiting.

  119. Beyonce, of course. Because that chicken deserves a spot at the head of the motherfucking table.

    Jen Lancaster.

    Me (cuz I’ve been told I’m a helluva cook and waaaaay funny.)

    And Justin Bieber, but only because it would give us a gazillion teenaged girls outside your house that we could shoot at. 🙂

    P.S. Anyone who thinks the Kardashians deserve anything beside a ninja kick to the throat is welcome to join the teenage Beiebers outside your house. 🙂

  121. Casey Anthony…only because I still have so many questions. If we get her drunk she may spill the full truth. And to lighten the mood, Chelsea Handler

  122. This will be an amazing dinner party, but figuring out seating will be a BITCH! I would add Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Elvis Costello, Jonatha Brooke and Jane Espenson.

  123. I’d invite Chewbacca, because even though he doesn’t use words, he would be better to talk to than a Kardashisn!

  124. Hmmm, such a good list thus far. but, even better: Allison Scagliotti and Chris Hardwick. I also wouldn’t mind Ian Somerhalder, but I would probably stare and be fascinated more than talk and be interested.

    Oh! Famous/fascinating D&D group must include: Wil Wheaton, Jim Butcher, Patton Oswalt, and, as above, Chris Hardwick.

  125. Michael J. Fox
    Neil Patrick Harris (and his significant other, David Burtka of course)
    Ellen DeGeneres

  126. Stephen Colbert, Hank Azaria, Harry Shearer, Jane Fonda, Betty White, Jane Curtin and Debra DiGiovanni (google her).

  129. Have you heard of that New York play that’s in an apt building and everyone walks around with masks on and the play happens randomly in different rooms of the apt building. It’s supposed to be very Eyes Wide Shut. I’d invite all the weirdos in masks, cuz that would create an uncomfortable air that would be fun to watch. & since we’re all “weird movie characters are coming to this party”, let’s invite Tom Cruise too. So they have someone to talk to.

  130. Or Joey Greico from Cheaters. (But only if he can announce everyone who arrives in that weird pausing inflection he does when he speaks on the show. “Welcome to a..titillating dinner party.”

  133. So many “likes”!

    I would invite Adam Richman because he’s my pretend boyfriend, Jacques Cousteau because he’s always been my hero, and Phil Hartman the funniest man who ever lived. At least my pretend boyfriend would be alive.

  134. Dr. Who definitely needs to be there. Especially since the drunk Queen Elizabeth and a chimp shackled William Shatner are invited. Clearly the chimp is going to be the incognito alien in this dinner party….

  137. J K Rowling, Jon Stewart, and Allie from Hyperbole and a Half. I second all of those! This dinner party is getting pretty big. Are you sure you can fit all of us in your house? You may need to expand to the backyard….

  139. Michael Schumacher. Steven Moffat. That man is a god, because he plays with your mind like it is his own personal sand box. And of course you have to have Nathan Fillion there. Get him drunk and get a pic of him with twine!

  140. You already have Neil Gaiman and Wil Wheaton, so I’d have to go with…Margaret Atwood and Mat Johnson. Atwood for obvious reasons, and Johnson because he makes me laugh almost as much as you do. I think the two of you together would be lethal – and I’m okay with that.

  141. Billy Connolly. No matter how good a party is, a hilarious Scotsman brings it up a notch, even if the next notch is “eleven”.

  142. Oh, can I also add Mark Harmon? He just seems like such a nice guy and not bad to look at. And then I also have to second Pauley Paurette because she rocks all around. And I second the vote to invite Betty White.

  144. Another ThunDinnerDome matchup: Anne Rice vs. Stephanie Meyer.

    CHIME on Betty White & Neil Patrick Harris. And the entire cast of Big Bang Theory. Because, hey, Wil Wheaton and LeVar Burton have already been invited.

  145. I see Jon Stewart and Nathan Fillion have already been mentioned. Good. So I’ll two of my favorite, and living, playwrights: Tom Dudzick (Over the Tavern, Greetings, Hail Mary!) and James Sherman (Affluenza!, Jacob and Jack). I would also invite Scott Kurtz and Mark Waid, because what dinner party is complete without a discussion of digital rights and the comic medium? (http://www.newsarama.com/comics/sdcc-2011-waid-kurtz-digital-disruption-panel-110725.html)

  146. I totally agree about the Queen. Normally, she’s a riot, but she was a totally snooze fest at my last party cuz she stuck with Ginger Ale.

  148. Looking through that list, there seems to be a reasonably large Stephen Fry sized gap. Just don’t serve him any champagne.

  149. We’ve named everyone else that’s important to me, so I’ll say as long as we’re bringing Chris Hardwick we gotta bring Jonah Ray and Matt Mirah. And Mike Phirman.

  150. Francis Ford Coppola
    Martin Scorsese
    Errol Morris
    Keith Richards
    Meryl Streep–mainly to gaze in awe at her beauty although I’m sure she’s quite interesting
    Bob Dylan
    Patti Smith–to prove my theory that super cool people are boring
    Stephen Colbert
    Stephen Hawking–but only when he’s drunk

    I have a Twitter list called ‘fantasy dinner party.’ I put people on it who are fascinating. But also people who I want to see get into a fight. So like, the Pope and Richard Dawkins (well, not them exactly).

  151. Gareth Aveyard: I follow on Twitter and is too damn clever for words
    Ian Padgham: Has an incredibly twister, wicked sense of humor.

    If we’re adding dead people I’d like to meet Isaac Asimov and Oscar Wilde.

  152. I’m going to go with George Takei, just because of who is already attending. And maybe Chris D’Elia because he seems cool on twitter.

  153. Ooooh I love this party so much, already!

    I’d like to add…can I just say The Dr Whos (Whos’s? Whoseses?) Anyway, them. With sonic screwdrivers and the Tardis.

    Perhaps we should invite Marvin the chronically depressed robot from the Hitch hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, seeing as Douglas Adams is invited, just so we could look at him and stop laughing long enough to taste some of Bourdain’s food.

    Love the Nathan Fillion invitation, but I’d like to add that he can only come if he brings Serenity; the spaceship. Drunk traveling through time and space. Gives a new interesting meaning to being spaced out, doesn’t it?

    This party will rock so hard, it won’t only be the coolest party of the year(2010 or any other), it’ll be the coolest party of all time!

    I’d like to bring a toast to the bestest hostess ever: “May you always be the light in the darkness that you are” *Cheers*

  154. I would have to bring Lady Gaga. One of the coolest, nicest people I have ever met. Not to mention I could cross off drinks with Gaga from my bucket list. Also, probably Dorothy Parker.

  155. You people have the best damn taste. Luckily we live in the country so I have few acres out back that this imaginary party can spill over into. Luckily the snakes and scorpions are all in hibernation. Avoid the foxes though. They’re easily spooked. Much like William Shatner.

  157. Brad Pitt – So I could see him up close and decide if I really really would like to keep him in my fantasy of having his shoes under my bed. And obviously him in my bed.

  158. I’m so there. I’m bringing Prince with me, ‘cuz he ROCKS, and since he’s gone all JW, he and Hitchens could be interesting together. I’m going to add Joss Whedon too. Wait, wait…I need to go check my People page on Pinterest to see who else.

  159. Did anyone mention David Tennant? He definately should be there but I should have a bib or something cause there will be a lot of drooling….

  160. Misha Collins, I think he’d be quite funny and smart.
    I will bring bacon wrapped water chestnuts..it’s as Canadian as I get.

  161. I’d love to be at your dinner party! Seems that most of the people I’d pick are mentioned in other comments already. Going to list anyway. Neil, Amanda, Teller and Eddie Izzard would definitely be on my list. Also, Kevin Smith, William Gibson, David Lynch, Carrie Fisher, Lewis Black and Jon Stewart.

  166. Long time reader, first time commenter. You should turn this into a fundraiser. I would totally overpay for a dinner featuring will Wheaton , you, victor, and Neil Gaimon.

  167. I would bring real Beyonce but only if you promised to sit her next to metal chicken Beyonce.

    Scrap that.

    I would want to be the awkward meat between the two Beyonces at your dinner table.

  170. Uh Hello, Brian Blessed…the only human w/a flip top head-remember those “reach toothbrushes” adds? Well I would totally pay for his voice on my GPS!

  172. so, i have to say, your list is badass. and I completely agree with all the ones I know, especially Eddie Izzard. He’s the funniest person ever, especially one who’s covered in bees. And of course Queen Elizabeth, how would you not want someone with the wingspan of an albatros at your dinner party? (http://harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=300). Also, I have to thank you for introducing me to Doodling in Math Class, that was brilliant! Can I imaginarily attend your dinner party?

  175. My list would just be weird: Kevin Durant, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Craig Ferguson. Most awkward set of three ever possibly.

  176. I didn’t know you are into Amanda Palmer, but now I do I have to say I love you even more. Well not quite as much as I LOVE Amanda Palmer… This is fun – I think I’ll make my own list 1. Amanda Fucking Palmer 2. The Bloggess – as long as she brings Will Wheaton with his pony/monkey 3. …

  177. I totally agree with bringing Eddie Izzard, he’s got great taste in his clothes, but I feel that Weird Al, Pauley Perrette, Jack Skellington (the actual character, not his voice actor), Robert Smith of The Cure, and finally Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders. I suppose if Dawn and Lenny Henry are still together then he can come as well.

  178. Any party that includes Vi Hart and Bigfoot is bound to be off the awesomeness scale.

    I’d add:
    Jen Yates from Cakewrecks and Epbot
    Rachel Held Evans (A Year of Biblical Womanhood)
    Steven Levitt (Freakonomics)
    Andre Geim (physicist who makes frogs levitate and won an actual nobel prize playing around with pencil lead)

  179. Jennifer Hale aka Commander Shepard from Mass Effect. <3

    But then I'd tried to get her to marry me and it might be awkward to everyone else. Sorry guys.

  180. already many people I would have mentioned are on here. Terry Pratchett and Death from his books, I am sure Death would love to be invited to a party like this!

  182. Are we wearing Wolf Blitzers? Yes? This reflects greatly on my dinner party invitees…..

  185. Aaron Rodgers (because DAMN is he hot and photobombs really well)
    My husband (because if I invited Aaron Rodgers but not him he’d murder me)
    Dakota Fanning because there is something oddly intriguing about that girl.
    Taylor Lautner (because there are a few innapropriate dreams I need to, er, take care of.)
    Patrick Stewart (added to your list, THAT would make for some interesting conversation)
    Gerard Butler (Yum)
    Bill Clinton

  188. Byron @169 – I think you should re-think not inviting Chris Sarandon (Jack Skellington’s voice actor) to the party. He is 1) unbelievably charming and 2) Prince Humperdink!

    I have a hard time narrowing my list down – I love so many of the folks already mentioned, but I’m highly inclined to have a number lot of horror film stars as well: namely Jeffrey Combs (swoon!), Robert Englund, Ken Foree. Also, Terry Pratchett, Vince Ventresca and Paul Ben-Victor (only if they both come to the party!), and Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks. Honestly, I could have a dozen ten-person dinner parties and still be forgetting awesome people.

  189. Stephen Colbert. Then you can have your stare down & we could all put down our forks. & watch.

  192. Dude. DUDE. I love this game. I’m third … fo … fifteenthing David Tennant and… ACTUALLY, you know what? If dead people are allowed, so are fictional people, I say. So, lets add Ten, Shawn Spencer, and Dr. McKay, because the verbal sparring would be epic. Harry Dresden and the Winchesters, seated far, far apart. And The Pioneer Woman can cater the affair, even though she’s real. We don’t discriminate.

  193. I’d bring Mr. Potato Head and Ryan Gossling so I can molest him all night. And Emma Stone because she is awesome sausage.

    On a separate note, remember that time you brushed your teeth with Japanese super glue? Well tonight I super glued my finger to my eyebrow and nearly super glued my eye shut. All in the name of being a hooker. Just thought you’d want to know. Or not.

  195. Emma Stone. That girl is funny, smart and beautiful. I’d date her if I didn’t like guys.
    Which reminds me that I’d also like to bring Ryan Gosling if we’re allowed to bring 2 guests. You didn’t really specify a quota…

  198. Just because I am socially awkward and I would possibly be the only hockey fan at this shindig, I would want to have Calgary Flames star Jarome Iginla there for me to talk to. While I am NOT a Flames fan, I’ve always thought he would be so much fun to go and have drinks with. But if he couldn’t make it, I know I could have a great time listening to most of the guests that others would bring.

  200. Oh, I like the thought of dropping Martha Stewart in the mix…

    Otherwise:
    Tim Minchin
    Nathan FIllion
    Will Wheaton
    Dave Hewlett and his sister Kate

  202. this is easy.
    STEPHEN FRY! hell, I’d like to have dinner with JUST him
    I can ask my friend what neil and amanda are like over dinner if you like, He stayed with them at the Edinburgh Festival this year. Lucky bastard.

  203. My list of ten:

    Elie Wiesel
    Billy Graham
    Steven Spielberg
    Tom Hanks
    Angela Merkel
    President Obama
    Michele Obama
    Ken Burns
    Denis Potvin
    Queen Elizabeth (prefer her sober)

  204. Now THIS gal would be fascinating dinner company: http://youtu.be/B2DgfuIrtIY
    Sharing the joy of sign language and making sure we know the words we really need to know!

    But I would totally monopolize Eddie Izzard if I could come to your dinner, for fuck’s sake!

  206. I think everyone has already named people I’d invite. But I didn’t notice Penn on there. He’d have to come too! Then I’d just sit down, grab a bottle of beer and listen to the best conversations that I will ever hear in my life!

  207. Neil Gaiman & Amanda Palmer apparently just had dinner with Tom Stoppard tonight, so I think they should bring him to your dinner party, because if they get to enjoy him, we should all get to enjoy him.

    Trying not to repeat but just to add, even though many suggestions were excellent & worth repeating.

    Lots of writers on my list. Sarah Vowell. Mark Dunn. Jane Espenson. Anne Tyler. Anna Quindlen. Bryan Fuller. William Goldman. Shane Black. David Milch. (I’ve seen the latter two speak together at a festival, and it was pretty priceless.)

    I’d kind of like to invite Katherine Heigl just to see how much trouble she could get herself into.

    From the beyond, I’d like to invite Mae West, Carl Sagan, and Dr. Seuss.

    John Fugelsang. Samuel L. Jackson. Ellen Barkin.

    And I am no Glee apologist, but on Twitter, I really enjoy Cory Monteith and I would like to dine with him, especially if he brought his cactus, Hank.

  208. Since you listed 17:

    Desmond Tutu
    Nelson Mandela
    Hillary Clinton
    Bill Clinton
    Doris Kearns Goodwin
    Aung San Suu Kyi
    Dr. Izzeldin Abuelaish

  210. Laurence Fox, Alex O’Loughlin , Gordon Ramsay, Adam Levine, James Marsters, and Simon Baker

  213. George Clooney. One time I saw him and even though he was 50 feet away, he managed to be more interesting than the delicious meal and pleasant conversation I was having. I’m convinced he’s magic.

  214. Oh no Jenny! You’ve fallen victim to one of the classic dinner party blunders by overloading your guest list with what Miss Manners dubs “Sparklies”. The ideal ratio is four A-listers to six B-listers (“solid citizens” who are interesting and engaging, but who will not outshine the sparklies) per soiree.

    Of course, a list with four celebrities and six of my personal friends does not make for very interesting reading, so…

    Dinner Party #1
    – Simon R. Green
    – Felicia Day
    – Erick Erickson of RedState.com
    – Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess!)

    Dinner Party #2
    – Neil Gaiman
    – Taylor Swift
    – Tim Tebow
    – Nathan Fillion

    Dinner Party #3
    – Camille Paglia
    – Hugh Laurie
    – Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC)
    – Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar (I’ll cheat and count them as one)

    Hope you enjoyed my guest lists! And thanks for being so hilarious, even (or rather, especially) about the tough things in your life. It definitely makes it easier to do likewise and approach my own struggles (ADHD and at times cripplingly-low self-esteem) with humor and optimism.

    PS You are of course invited Parties #2 and #3 as well; I’ll just need advance notice so I can rework my seating charts! 😉

  215. i’d invite justin bieber and tell everyone else not to come or go to a different venue. or invite gangs from the hood to accompany him. (his christmas album ruins christmas)

  217. I’d bring Alex Filippenko. We could get him smashed and have him demonstrate planetary dynamics or something using various household objects.

  219. I’m pretty sure everyone else has already mentioned all the truly fascinating people…so I will just bring myself and try to steal someone else’s date. And David Boreanaz, because he should clearly go everywhere I go.

  220. Can I have alan rickman? Can I? Can I huh,uh?Can I? just want him to talk. “That is the second time you have spoken out of turn. Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all”. I promise not to spit my coffee when I laugh, nor to smile with my teeth completely covered in mashed potato. I also promise to bring Australian wine and chocolate. Oh oh oh and can we have David Thorne too??

  221. It pleases me more than it should that DB Cooper is on your list.

    Most people have already said those I’d like there Pauley P, Mark Harmon, Misha Collins…I’d add Michael Weatherly because he’s so funny and him Pauley & Mark would be very amusing together. Also Vanessa Vangsness because she’s adorably sweet, geeky and funny (and good friends with Pauley). I would invite Thomas Gibson, but I’d be worried about his shoe/foot fetish 😉 lol.

    If we can have fictional people I’d have to have Neal Caffrey, because the conversation between him and DB Cooper could be truly epic.

    Nate

  222. I assume you ave invited the Mother-fucker Chicken? and of course as a table gift the Little Rooster

  223. Yes, wondering whether you’re still mad at Nathan Fillion 😉 Hey, no idea whether he’d be interesting, just really nice to look at.

  225. Since the famous person I’d invite died this year I’d invite my best friend. She’s interesting enough in herself and she’d be delighted to meet those people 😀

  227. Oh, I would have to add Alec Baldwin to the list and BOTH Clintons. (I just want to see them at the same table.) I would also add Annie Leibovitz. From the bucket list, I would take Anais Nin (had dinner with her years ago and she is definitely worth inviting!) and my late husband Ziggy (of Ziggy’s Joke o’the Day) because he was truly a great raconteur.

  228. I think we all follow the same Twitter feeds, This is awesome.

    I’d add Mary Roach (author of Stiff, Bonk, among others) – she’s now apparently into shrinking heads. And Emma Thompson.

    And thank you Jennifer, for the image listed somewhere above of Jim Parsons and Craig Ferguson in a Snuggie with you in the middle. Except now of course it’s me. 🙂

  229. I think we all follow the same Twitter feeds, This is awesome.

    I’d add Mary Roach (author of Stiff, Bonk, among others) – she’s now apparently into shrinking heads. And Emma Thompson.

    And thank you Jennifer, for the image listed somewhere above of Jim Parsons and Craig Ferguson in a Snuggie with you in the middle. Except now of course it’s me. 🙂

  230. As so many other people have said, I’m going to start with Nathan Fillion. Get the dude shitfaced, then break out the twine! Then I’m going to have to add David Tennant, Catherine Tate, Dawn French, Neil Patrick Harris, Tina Fey, Misha Collins and John Barrowman. And possibly a doctor to deal with my inevitable inability to breathe from laughing…

    Oh, and Helena Bonham Carter. Because I’m pretty sure she’s batshit crazy in an awesome way.

  233. Oooh! A Party!

    I second Betty White, Stephen King, Bill Murray, Tina Fey, and I’ll add Adam Sandler and Johnny Depp as either Capt. Jack, the Mad Hatter, or the sultry gypsy in Chocolat. Yum. How ’bout Randy Newman tinkling the ivories for some dinner music? You know, for the feel good effect.

  234. I’d invite Sting. A man who can write the names Nabokov and Mephistopheles into popular songs has to have one or two interesting things to say between the salad plate and the shrimp appetizer.

  235. Will we have the MRI machine in place for this party? Cos it isn’t a party til you get your full body screening… amiright?

    I have to invite not just Nathan but the WHOLE cast of Firefly… Come on Jewel is a freakin dorable and Sean … Alan is hysterical. Pretty much anyone who’s worked on Doctor Who, especially John Barrowman and maybe his dogs cos they are SO kewt. But we’ll keep them away from Ferris Mewler. I feel like we need Brent Spiner. Author Katie MacAlister cos she’s damn funny.
    I can’t wait to see all these ppl at the imaginary Party 😀 How many bathrooms do you have? May want to rent some upscale portapotties…. half for actual use half for ppl with anxiety disorder to hide in….

    It’s called planning ahead, you’re welcome 🙂

  236. Joss Weadon
    Felicia Day
    Nathan Fillion
    Jonathan Frakes and his wife
    David Tennant (you always need a doctor at a party like this)
    Yeti to see if him and Bigfoot really are the same guy
    Morgan Freeman (to narrate the action)
    The Myth Buster’s cannonball
    Jeremy Clarkson

  240. George Stroumboulopoulos is someone i’d invite..you must have a Canuck on site and his interviews are the best. he knows Bill Shatner too, so he could ease the awkwardness.
    Lady GaGa would be on the list, and maybe if she wore her meat suit, we could BBQ! I’d let her know that T-bones would be the appropriate wear for this occasion.
    Finally, I would add Alec Baldwin so that your friend Will Wheaton could challenge him to Words with Friends, and maybe Will could get 72 points from the word CRIB and humiliate him and Alec would go all Sheldon on him.

  243. Let’s add Dr. Smith from Lost in Space and Dr. Ruth. But NOT Dr. Phil. He does not know when to be quiet. Dr. Seuss would be fun!

  244. This is Barbarara’s list? Seriously? Has she been tested for dementia? Ugh.

    Maybe there’s just a dearth of “fascinating” people this year, although I do like some of the above suggestions. Or maybe she thought it meant “fatuous.”

    I am thinking that Helena Bonham Carter would be a really incredible party guest. Crazy/weird = fascinating, right?

  246. So, I would have to say, Norman Reedus, but he could be in character of Daryl Dixon (Walking Dead). No zombies though, because Zombies freak me out, then I’d have to borrow some of your xanax for you anxiety disorder and we could both just chill in your bathroom.

  247. I would totally invite Chelsea Handler, she’s crazy and wild and would fit in fabulously!

  248. The Stay Puff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. Or a really fat baby that resembles him. Or the Michelin Man. Scratch those, I want Slimer.

  249. Tesla – b/c he’d bring the light show and those dogs on youtube that totally party in their master’s swimming pool while their master’s are away. Now they know how to have a good time while the p’s are out and play dumb when the cops show up.

  250. My boyfriend and I work on our amazing dinner party list all the time. I don’t remember them all, but here are some.

    Werner Herzog (small talk would be awesome)
    Jane Goodman (how amazing would she be?)
    Les Stroud from Survivor Man (because he could make a shelter for all of us out of the napkins)
    Tim Gunn

  251. Please, somebody before my brain explodes. I am a fairly (past 8 months or so) recent Bloggess apostle (Blogpostle?), and I have forever loved Jonathan Coulton and Skullcrusher Mountain with his pony/monkey monsters. In this post my two worlds have collided with Wil Wheaton in the middle. WTF? How is this happening? I fear my head will spontaneously combust! Somebody show me the series of unfortunate events that superglued all this marvelousness together!!

  253. Wow, Teller with no Penn.
    I’m bringing any American Serviceman who has served in the Afghanistan Korengal “Valley of Death”. If you haven’t seen the movie Restrepo, it is intense.
    I’m also bringing Robin Williams, mainly because George Carlin’s ghost is still killing ’em in Vegas.
    Lastly, I’m bringing Salma Hayek… surely she can’t turn me down if it’s at the Bloggess mansion?
    My wife says I am also bringing her to chaperone my activities around Salma…

    WG

  258. I’m really glad someone finally invited Tim Minchin in the comments. He’s on my list. How about Richard Dawkins. I don’t think anyone has said him yet. My list would include all the nerdy folks like Dawk, Drunk Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan (cause he’d bring the weed and talk about the Pale Blue Dot), David Tennant, Tim Minchin, Wil Wheaton, Nathan Fillion, Neil Gaiman and Amanda Fucking Palmer, and Neil deGrasse Tyson. Also bonus guest: Brian Cox. Hottie and physics dude.

  259. I would invite Stephen Hawking and seat him directly across from Pat Robertson but make Pat Robertson speak through a voice box so it would sound like two robots fighting over theology.

    I’ll send out the invites.

  260. Ha! Love that you would be hiding in the bathroom. I was thinking hide in the kitchen and eavesdrop. I’m having a bit of anxiety just trying to think of someone so I’ll pass.

  264. I agree with Cranky (possibly other… I admit it, I scrolled after a while!)
    Alan Rickman- I want to creepily sit at his feet and listen to him talk. The cardboard cut-out+cd player just isn’t as good as the real thing.
    And keeping in the theme Alan Davies. He is is hilarious, even whilst doing a live QI with a terrible flu.
    And also me. Not because I’d be a particularly good guest, but because would split my time between creepily sitting at Alan Rickmans feet and creepily smiling at The Bloggess. And the whole experience would be better than any mood stablizers I have come across.

  265. Along with some of your excellent choices (Bradbury, Teller, and that amazing girl from Doodling in Math Class) I would add:

    Steve Martin, who should have won an Oscar (or two) and could entertain with great humor and banjo playing.

    Steve Allen if we could bring him back to life for one more Meeting of Minds.

    And if we are bringing people back from the dead to attend, then Isaac Asimov for sure.

    @Nicole, I would invite Scrooge McDuck too, but if he can’t lift himself off the comic book page to attend, then at least include Don Rosa who added brilliantly to the life and times of that wealthy (in adventure) duck.

    Neil deGrasse Tyson, because we need someone to bring us up to speed on life, the universe, and everything.

    Jon Stewart, because he’s the only one that can make sense of our world.

    And finally, me, because I wouldn’t want to miss out on Jenny’s mind boggling wit, and because I have some paper I need Wil to collate.

  269. Jose, the VP guy who called you a “fucking bitch”, to prove to him that you ARE relevant. I mean, this is going to be an awesome dinner party!

  271. I don’t know if anyone thought of this or not, but I think you are one of the most fascinating people of 2011. I mean I know you are the host, but I would make sure you show up, and then I would invite Jose, and The Redneck Mommy because she also is awesome and Canadian, so hello, what’s not to love, and Ilana from Mommy Shorts bc she is pretty fucking cool plus would contribute huge ass cupcakes from NYC. And prior to the party I would wait until you are gone from your house and then break in with Nate Berkus (sorry if spelling error) to convert / decorate your house into one massive open concept bathroom so you could mingle and hopefully keep your anxiety at bay because -this is the genius part – you would know you were ALREADY in the bathroom! Yay! He would get to stay too, I like him. And I would also invite Kendra from Project Night Night to set up a donation bin for blankets, books and toys at your front door, then she can come mingle too as is super nice. And as stated in different context in a long ago post, I would invite my toddler, dressed in a chicken costume to wander around and randomly say “Knock knock …” ’cause the cool kids would get it …

  272. Adele…if not for good conversation ( i think she is way funny) then at least for background music…the girl has some serious pipes! Merry Christmas! Oh and how about Tina Fey…love her!

  273. I have a super-geeky crush on Vi Hart. That is all I wanted to say. I would totally come to the dinner part she’s at.

  274. Tina Fey, who is seriously cool.

    The Dali Lama – also cool

    If we were going for dead folks (you did put the Poe Toaster & Bigfoot), I’d put Oscar Wilde

  275. First of all although I usually love you and everything you write, now I’m upset because I feel like the “you’re invited” is not personal enough and I am waiting for a hand delivered invitation.

    Second of all, inviting the Kardashians to a dinner party is pure genius because they don’t eat a lot so there would be more food left over for me. In this economy, that’s just common sense.

  278. I’d bring Ellen Degeneres.
    Because seriously f*** the party if you’re not gonna be there.
    We can chill in the bathroom together and Ellen can scare the shit out of people wanting to pee and you and I can explain to her why Chambord snow cones are more aesthetically pleasing when served in the comfort of your own bathroom.

    Plus we can get all the dirt on the celebs from her show, you and I would possibly leave your bathroom with showbags and she’s a comedilesbienne. Fascinating.

  281. Is Simon Cowell even a thing anymore? What did he do in 2011?

    Anyway, I would bring Jamie Cullum, Jon Stewart, Josh Groban, Kermit the frog, Russell Brand, and maybe Jimmy Fallon, so he could see what real funny people look like. I’d also have to invite my boyfriend, and he’d probably want to invite Damon Lindelof. That’s all I can think of in the bleary-eyed hour before my last final exam.

  282. How could you possibly forget Lisa Whelchel, you need at least one Fact of Life at the table.

  284. LIVE FOLKS
    Cast of Big Bag Theory
    Cast of Chuck
    Maggie Smith
    Alan Rickman
    Dawn French
    Jorge Garcia
    Bob Newhart

    DEAD FOLKS
    Julia Child
    Andre the Giant
    John and Abigail Adams

    ALSO
    The Mighty Thor

  285. I TOTALLY second Misha Collins. He has to be there! Also Tom Bergeron. While I’m listing witty, clever as heck people I will add my friend Sarah who is the best person to sit next to at a dinner party.

  286. 1. Daniel Day Lewis (He can just read the phonebook)
    2. Woody Harrelson (Someone has to bring the weed)
    3. Paula Deen (Because mama is hungry)
    4. Puck from the Real World (Because we need entertainment)
    5. Gerard Butler (Because I need something to look at)
    6. Sheryl Crow (Because I need to throw my hubby a bone and don’t want to punch her)
    7. Zach Galifianakis (Because he is weird and funny)
    8. Michelle Duggar (Because she needs to have a drink and get high to deal with her loss/19 kids)
    9. Dave Matthews (Because we were all in college once)
    10. Chelsea Handler (Because I need someone to drink wine and make fun of Puck with)

  287. I learned something reading this post! Didn’t know who some of those peope were – kudos, laughter and learning in the same blog!!! And it is way to early for me to be putting together a dinner party guest list… so I’ll just go with everyone else’s answers.

  289. John Glenn. I think it would be cool to talk to an actual original astronaut, but not a space cadet like the Astronut stalker girl – Lisa whatever-her-last-name-was-that-wore-Depends.

  290. Joss Whedon, Alan Moore, Cecilia Tan, Stan Lee, Greta Christina. Oops, my geek is showing … Pretty amazing list though! I say Wil Wheaton has to bring the beer and wear his cape of dicks.

  292. I’d bring Stephan Colbert so you can crush him at a staring contest.

    And thanks for the invite. I’ve been dying to “knock, knock” on your front door.

  294. Do they have to be famous? Your friend Laura Mayes should be invited – of course. Also Zooey Deschanel, because she is always being mistaken for Katy Perry, although she is prettier and more interesting. I see someone already put Jim Parsons down. I second that. Frankly I would personally not invite any politicians!

    And don’t forget Michio Kaku!

  295. Bob Dylan. You could turn a conversation with him into a drinking game. Every time you couldn’t understand a sentence – you have to drink.

  296. Jimmy Fallon but only if he”s entirely responsible for the games portion of the evening. There will be a games portion, right?

  297. Your list is awesome. But it includes Bigfoot and Traci Lords. Soooo that created some mental images in my dirty mind that I will never be able to erase. Unless you are working on an invention for Handi Wipes for the brain. And if you are not, then don’t try to steal my idea. I’m on the mutha.

  298. Dave Grohl. And if we’re allowed posthumous invites I’d have to include Oscar Wilde.

    (In all seriousness, I cannot imagine any version of this universe in which any Kardashian is fascinating. Has someone felt Barbara’s forehead?)

  299. My 11 (in alphabetical order):
    Anthony Bourdain
    Mel Brooks
    Nadia G. (of the Bitchin’ Kitchen)
    Jane Goodall
    Kathy Griffin
    Tim Gunn
    Eddie Izzard
    Koko the Gorilla
    Kate Middleton
    RuPaul
    David Sedaris

    RIP Runners-Up:
    Lucille Ball
    Julia Child
    Leonardo DaVinci
    Gandhi
    George Harrison
    Jackie Kennedy
    Elvis Pressley
    RinTinTin
    Dr. Seuss
    Elizabeth Taylor
    Mark Twain

    And I have been known to spend entire parties in the bathroom, as well. With my best friend trying to calm me down, and a (for medicinal purposes, only) Black Russian in each hand. Just thinking about having to sit at a table with these people gives me a rash.

  300. I would definitely have to add Simon and Garfunkle. Put them in-between the comedians and authors and we’d get some wicked songs for after dinner entertainment! If only we could resurrect the Grimm brothers, those two combined with Simon and Garfunkle and the comedians and authors you already invited and that would be amazing, simply beyond beyond perfect.

  303. Adam and Jaime from the mythbusters! Making things explode all in the name of science makes for a great after coffee and dessert activity!

  304. Can I just say that I love you for the pure and simple fact that you have Neil Gaiman and Wil Wheaton on that list?

    Lady, you rock!

    Also, I’d like to add Jim Parsons and Brent Spiner!

  305. Patrick Stewart, Michael Hurst, and the Doctor… all of him (even Tom Baker because he’s my favorite, even though I hear he may be a bit snobby in person) because even if he’s not real? We all know he is…

  306. Oh, holy shit, these suggestions are good. Just scanning through I saw Joss Whedon (yes), Dave Grohl (hells yes) and John Hodgman. Also I think I’d do just about anything to get out of any dinner involving any Kardashians ever. How are they interesting? I don’t get it. Also is there anything truly interesting about Pippa besides her ass? I mean, she’s just a girl, right? Who’s sister married a prince? Maybe she’s super big in charities, Penny, jeez. Cut a girl some slack.

    OK, my list would include Phebe Taylor (who’s been dead 220 years, but that’s allowed, right?). She’s a woman who lived in my town who was married to a big Loyalist but whose brother was a General for Washington in the Revolution. And I’ve made up a whole life for her in my head. Actually, if she came and she was just boring or rude or snobby or something that might ruin it. So, scratch that.

    New person – fictional: Lord John Grey from the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. Sexiest gay British Lord soldier you’ll ever meet. For reals. God, I love him.

    OK then! This was fun! Thanks! Oh and I need to read everyone’s suggestions much more thoroughly. Which might take all day! Yay!

  308. Also has anyone said Amy Sedaris? Cause you two would get along like gangbusters, I believe. Plus her plus one could be Stephen Colbert and I second someone’s earlier suggestion that you do the staring contest right then and there. That could be the game portion of the evening – sequential staring contests. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

  312. I would bring Adam Richman, but I might end up having sex with him in your bathroom and he might eat everything there in one sitting, so that might not be a good idea. Instead I’d bring Dorothy Parker.

  313. You left Beyonce the chicken off your list? What the hell? And where’s copernicus?

    Personally I’d invite Matthew MacFadyen under the presence that he seems like he’s a funny guy behind all those serious, brooding roles, but really for the fact that I’d like to stare at him when he isn’t looking because he’s so hot.

  314. Gordon Ramsey to do the cooking, Charles Manson because I’m sure the conversation would be fascinating (as long as we keep him away from the cutlery) and the ‘Mayhem’ guy from the All-State ads to cradle me gently in his arms at the end of the night and make the crazy go away.

  319. Love your list. I was going to invite Beyonce (the metal chicken version). After reading through some comments I see I’m not alone. I’d probably invite Orson Scott Card too, just because I love his books and he’s a pretty interesting individual.

  320. Lady Gaga b/c I’m obsessed with her and thank you to the person that pointed out that it isn’t DB Cooper the actor, because I was totally thinking about The Cutting Edge.

  328. YAY for Zack Galifianakis!! I would definitely have dinner with him…even if it meant having dinner with those 3 Kardashians…ugh.

    In related news: Barbara Walters has lost her damn mind.

  329. David and Amy Sedaris……and a full package of Poise. I would have said Depends, but it’s really hard to discreetly pick a wedgie out of your ass with those bulky things on.

  330. George Takei… let’s be honest, his voice is enough to make him interesting. Add to the fact that he’ll probably insult Shatner all night and make things completely awkward would just add to the fun.

  331. OMG THE CUTTING EDGE. Totally forgot about that movie. Sadly, I’m a cheeseball and loved it. Toe pick!

    I totally want to invite Elton John to my dinner party. I also agree with the mayhem guy. “Recalculating!”

  332. Hillary Rodham Clinton – because she’s about the coolest woman on the planet and maybe the solar system depending on who is on the cloaked ship orbiting Mercury. I think maybe Michelle Obama unless they are likely to get into a cat fight in which case I still choose Hillary. And, btw, I used your picture of Will Wheaton collating paper in a webinar I did for my company which I tried to attribute to you, but my boss said I couldn’t 🙁

  336. I truly can’t believe anyone finds ANY Kardashian interesting. The only one who ever really did anything of note is no longer on this planet.

    So annoying. I’m proud to say I have *NEVER* seen an episode of any Kardashian show. I cannot say the same about Deadliest Catch.

    I might be the worst female ever.

  338. Can we bring people that have passed? Because I’d so want to bring George Carlin. If not, how about Patrick Stewart? I’d love to hear him talk the whole night.
    I so agree with having Vihart on the list, and really most of the list. Sounds like an interesting night.

  339. You left out those people from Portlandia. Also, Nathan should NOT be invited until the twine pic surfaces.

  340. You don’t want a formal dinner party, you want buffet finger food and then throw the party open to whoever wants to turn up – but only if they know the password “knock, knock motherf**ker”.

    Elon Musk – any one who successfully launches cheese into space – and returns it back down safely has to be better than that beardy salesman Branson (who isn’t even going into orbit).

  342. I think we should invite:
    1. Harper Beckham. She’s way more relevant than her mommy, plus, I’m betting her super fine daddy will show for eye candy, I mean, to supervise the baby. Shirtless. Texas is really warm, right?
    2. Randall AND a honey badger.
    3. a zombie. They are so IN right now.
    4. My cat. She’s crushing on Ferris Mewler.

  343. Stephen Fry.

    I mean, hello modern-day Oscar Wilde! No fabulous dinner party would be complete without Mr Fry.

    I’s also invite Michael Palin, ’cause I’d love to hear stories about his world travels and Python days. Who Wouldn’t?!

  344. Robert Downy Jr. b/c he’ll be on drugs, which makes for uninhibited dinner party conversation. but he may raid your wine-slushies, so beware.

  345. Amanda Palmer is already booked for my dinner party, I’m afraid. And I’m going to have to ask you to stop mentioning her because if other people figure out how cool she is, it’ll totally ruin it for me.
    I’d also invite Kimya Dawson, Rachel Maddow, author Tom Robbins, Mitch Hedberg if dead people are invited, and the entire Bluth family if fictional people are invited. James Franco can be our tuxedoed waiter.

  347. Okay, I can only think of one right now and that would be Louis CK. He’s hysterical!

  348. I am beyond impressed that you included Eddie Izzard. I was under the impression that I was the only Texan that was a huge fan of his.

  351. What was Barbara Walters’ thinking? If you look at the list, you know what’s missing…I know so many things…but any woman over the age of 40. Forgive me for not including Kris Jenner in that list. She’s trying desperately to be one of her daughters. Yes, you guessed it, I’m woman of substance so I should know who should be on the list…I’ve been around. Here’s just a few: Madonna (as long as she doesn’t talk in her English accent), Helen Miren, Hilary Clinton, Bonnie Raitt, Dr. Michelle Bachelet (first woman president of Chile), Jane Fonda. Of course there would be men there, too, like Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling. Eye candy, my friends.

  352. David. MUHFUGGIN. Thorne.
    Vincent. MUHFUGGIN. Price.
    Barbara Walters. (But only if she’s drunk.)
    Dolly Parton dressed up like a sexy porcupine. (Fantasy I can’t explain.)
    Pizza The Hut.

  353. Can I just say how much I love people that love Eddie Izzard? Seriously, a big scary guy could come to my door in the middle of the night covered in blood and tell me he needs a place to hide from the cops and if he could quote Eddie Izzard I’d let him in. I’d tell him to hide in the baby’s room, that’s how much I’d instinctively trust him.

  354. I’d totally have Neil Gaiman too! Also, I’d have Tim Burton so I could introduce the two and be responsible for the next epic movie deal in a generation. I’d also invite Jack White because he’s such a weirdo and I could make out with him in the pantry between courses. And lastly- I’d invite the Kardashian sisters so I could invite them out for an after dinner stroll in a deep dark forest and leave them there to fend for themselves (I’d probably tie cloth sacks over their heads and give them a few spins before fleeing the scene…)

  355. You’re already there wearing the wolf, right?

    Hmmm…

    Stephanie Miller, Rosie O’Donnell, Whoopi Goldberg, Christopher Walken, a good portion of your list, A bear, Stephen Colbert’s Ears…I guess he can come also but merely to tell him why he’s a thief, and Paula Deen.

  357. The conspiracy theorist at my office who is hoarding dry goods and ammunition because of the internment camps the government is secretly building.

  358. Brad Pitt. Hell, he doesn’t need to talk….just sit there and smile at me would be good enough.

  359. Also? I feel like this dinner part would also have to involve the screening of awful, B grade films, like, “The Cannibal Women of The Avocado Jungle of Death.” I own it. I can lend it to you.

  360. Yes! You could sell tickets. Of course then there would be a Beyonce expectation (the metal poultry variety). You think Teller would accidentally speak? Poor Barbara. Someone must have told her she is getting old and needs to connect with the little people by choosing people most likely to have a tattoo or most likely to have their image tattooed on someone’s ass.

  361. 1. Morgan Freeman
    2. My piano teacher (honestly, he’s at least as interesting as anyone else mentioned here)
    3. Beyonce, so she can meet her namesake in person (er, in chicken?)
    4. Paul McCartney
    5. Billy Joel
    6. Queen Noor of Jordan
    7. Myself, but only if I’m drunk. Otherwise, I’d be hiding in the bathroom with you.

  364. I think John Waters would be a waaaaay interesting dinner guest. I agree with everyone who said Tina Fey. Her and Sarah Silverman could just crack wise all night! That would be terrific! Oh…for my dream crushes….I’d invite Chris Isaak and Paul Rudd. I’d like to make a sammich with them! And while I’m thinking of musician types, if we can bring dead ones back to life…let’s bring Elvis to the party…or good Elvis impersonator, if the undead is not an option. And Michael Jackson. That would be one helluva party!

  367. It’s funny, as much as I love all those people you listed, you would be the person I would most want to talk to.

    Yes, I would rather talk to you than Eddie Izzard. There, I said it.

  370. While meeting The Bloggess would be enough, this would be the most awesomest party ever! Kevin Smith says Never Meet Your Heroes, but I would SO bring him and his wife Jen Schwalbach to this party. Craftyb above said Tim Minchin, I would like to second that. May I add Kelly Carlin, daughter of George (and George too if we can bring him). Margaret Cho could hold court in a small corner. This would be the most awesomest party ever. May I request a stop at Sam’s or Costco for kleenex, because I think I would cry all night, sentimental and easily overwhelmed idiot that I am. I would trade the tear-stained face and red puffy eyes for a night like this happily.

  373. I second Anthony Bourdain. And Betty White. OOH And Robin Williams. Best. Dinner Party. EVER.

  374. I have always wanted to have dinner with Philip Roth, Margaret Drabble and Margaret Atwood. Add in John Fugelsang, Randi Rhodes and the late Christopher Hitchens, and I can’t imagine a more interesting and lively evening. If I had to have any meals with Kardashians I would choose to go hungry. Very hungry, for a long time.

  377. Barbara Walter’s guest list sucks. Here’s a real party….with my mom cooking, please. And my brother and sister with wife and husband. And my cousin Robbie and his partner, Victor.

    Andrea Gay, another cousin, she’s brilliant
    Tina Fey
    You (and I’m totally not sucking up, I would love to meet you)
    Catwoman (Julie Newmar)
    Dianne Keaton
    The Obamas
    Ernest Hemingway
    John Stewart
    Keith Richards (for ambiance)
    Daniel Craig (for my dessert)

  378. Alec Baldwin, so we could make snide comments back and forth and then make out at the end of the night. And he would finally maybe accept my WWF invitations. Yes. YESSSS.

  380. Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
    Sarah Vowell
    Jon Stewart
    Nathan Fillion (I’d take that photo for you!)

  382. Drunk or not, at least I got invited. I have a feeling the non-drunk part is in there because I’ll be cooking? Well, I get to decide the menu then! We are having Frito pie and pigs in a blanket. Also, I’m bringing Patrick Warburton and Adam West, because I’ve always had the need to have The Tick and Batman in the same room together. I’m bringing Mandy Patinkin along, but not as a guest, so he can help serve. He can put the pigs in a blanket on the end of skewers and fling them onto plates while reciting, “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.” This will be awesome since a fair amount of your guests are already dead. Also, I’m bringing Cary Elwes as a bartender, so anything someone orders a drink, he can be all, “As you wish”. Best party ever.

  385. Beyonce woudl be at the head of the table right? I mean just to keep order and knock knock on everyone

    and Jim Parsons, but only if he stays in his Sheldon Cooper character and sit him right next to Wil Wheaton.

  386. Weird Al. Because isn’t every dinner party better with Weird Al?
    The cast of Big Bang Theory, but only if they stay in character. (Which could definitely be awesome if Wil Wheaton is there!)
    Oprah, because I need some of her favorite things. But she can leave after that.

  387. Jay-Z clearly must be invited as Beyonce’s plus one…

    My true wish is Diane Keaton. She’s gorgeous, hilarious, has a host of sparkling gossipy stories to share, and strikes me as the kind of woman who would think to bring you a glass of wine and a couple of canapes while you cower in the bathroom.

  388. YES! Eddie Izzard alone would make it the most interesting party IN THE WORLD, and YOU absolutely MUST be there 😉 Otherwise, whats the point – you make us all laugh so hard we spit our coffee through our noses, LOL

  389. Warren Ellis & Joe Hill & Mat Johnson & Andrew Shaffer (Evil Wylie)- they put the *mac* in macabre

    Freestyle Love Supreme to give Amanda Fucking Palmer a 10 minute performance break

    Dan LeBatard & Charles Barkley, both in speedos

    Chris Hackett for the fireworks

    Nancy Upton and I will document the shit out of this party.

    I’ll bring the allergen-free munchies and porta-pots. We’re practically neighbors so feel free to use my cul-de-sac for extra parking.

    Now that I chew on it, we should do a round-robin party-a-month for the next couple years, just to make sure everyone has a chance to talk to everybody.

  390. “I don’t like to criticize, but if your list of the ten most fascinating people includes three Kardashians then you’re doing it wrong.”

    Best quote EVER.

  391. I’m going to second the following:
    real (non-chicken) Beyonce
    Alan Rickman
    NPH
    Patrick Stewart

    And add:
    The cast of Criminal Minds, because I love the show and they seem like pretty cool people who would be totally into this party.

    PS. @198 – Jerome? Fellow Calgarian?

  392. The Burgermeister from those freaky stop-motion Christmas movies and the Hamburglar.

    In a fight TO THE DEATH!!!

    Also the whole cast of Big Bang Theory.

  394. Not the mystery person who makes the library paper art? He/she could wear a mask. And also Banksy. Wearing a mask. HEY! Have a masked dinner party!