Conversation with my elderly neighbor at our mailboxes:
Neighbor: Is your arthritis bothering you again? You look sort of limpy.
me: No, I’m just sore. I started doing adult hula hooping.
me: I mean, not “adult” like “naked hula hoop porn”. It’s just hula hooping for grown-ups. With clothes on.
me: Honestly, I don’t even know if there’s such thing as hula hoop porn.
me: There probably is though. Rule 34 of the internet, you know.
me: I should probably go back inside now.
And then I went back inside and she just stood there. And that’s why I’m not allowed to go check the mail unsupervised anymore.