And then I used the phrase “Lady Garden” on CNN.

I was on CNN today for some reason to talk about politics and parenting (which is sort of weird since I’m more of a bizarre humorist at best) but I still managed to mention the zombie apocalypse, the possible robot revolution, and the threat of the internet becoming self-aware.

Here’s the clip:

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PS.  If you’re new here and want to leave angry comments about me you can, but keep in mind that you’re choosing to fight with a woman who has no real political convictions and has a full zombie apocalypse platform, so basically you’re wasting both of our time and should probably go focus on yelling about something less ridiculous than me.

PPS.  Thank you, CNN.  I appreciate your good humor.  And your not suing me.

PPPS.  As requested.  Perfect for baby showers.

549 thoughts on “And then I used the phrase “Lady Garden” on CNN.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I thought you are an open-minded mommy but I believed you are not. What a waste of
    education, making herselt a mother but don’t want to be called mommy. Sad state.

    (Just a quick aside…I am my daughter’s mommy but I think being called “mommy” by people who aren’t my child can be unintentionally demeaning. I just prefer the word “parent” or “mother”. Just my opinion. Also, I’m a humorist so you shouldn’t really be taking any of this seriously. Again, just my opinion. ~ Jenny)

  2. I watched CNN for 2 hours this morning just to make sure I didn’t miss you, and it was totally worth it! You rocked, as usual!

  3. You rock in more ways than I can name. Brilliant.

    And as to the Mommy or not Mommy debate, not only does it reduce women to only one role, it also excludes us men from the realm of those who might have intelligent things to say about kids and homes. So thank you!

  4. I’m stuck working on saturday with no access to internet other than my iPhone. Can’t wait to see it when I get home. Politics and humor. My 2 favorite things in life.

  5. Hee hee… well said!

    I think the Hilary Rosen quote will club-footed and insensitive, was taken wrong — Ann Romney had it easier because of her husbands millions and billions of dollars and she could choose to stay home… hell, I find dogs exhausting and stressful, I could not do the Mommy thing either way… then again, what does it matter, the zombies are gonna get us all anyway!

  6. My husband and I happened to catch this. I have not seen him laugh like that for awhile, and now I am hopeful a five foot tall metal chicken will appear in my front yard for an anniversary gift.
    I fully support your zombie apocalypse platform, and agree completely that no one has the right to call me mommy unless I popped him out.

  7. I laughed SO LOUD when you said “lady garden” and when you brought up the zombie apocalypse!!! (Not because the zombie apocalypse is funny. That’s no laughing matter!) You rocked that interview!

  8. Um just because she doesn’t want you to call her mommy doesn’t mean her kid can’t.

  9. The interview was awesome. I loved when you started talking about the zombie apocalypse and the news lady didn’t even know how to include her own point of view on the subject. She’s certainly not prepared. If she’s in my way when the zombies come, I’m tripping her.

  10. I think you should be more proud of being one of the first people to use the phrase “lady garden” on CNN.

  11. Holy crap, I didn’t realize you were actually going to go on there. Yay for you!! Also…”lady garden” …amazing.

  12. HAHAA! You are awesome. It looks like the reporter was about to crack up at your “Lady Garden” remark.

  13. You rocked it! I am proud to be a woman, who too has grown something within my lady garden, like yourself. Only “mommy” to our kids and the way it should be.

  14. Also, there’s got to be a shirt in there somewhere. “I’m from my mommy’s lady garden” or something 🙂

  15. I somehow missed that you were going to be on CNN, but my husband (wonderful man that he is) caught it just in time, for me! And I fully support your zombie apocalypse preparedness platform. Except for the flamethrowers– because there’s not enough flamethrower training as it stands right now. If done improperly, people will just be bitten by zombies on fire. You need to advise the president that we need more civilian flamethrower training.

  16. Hysterical! Thanks for sharing. And I cannot believe you said lady garden! Never mind. Yes, I can. Are we only THREE DAYS till the 17th!!!!!!! Can’t wait!

  17. I think I appreciate the reporter trying to take you seriously the most. You are awesome.

  18. Go you! And you’re totally right about the stupidity of the term “mommy issues” and how everybody basically has their own opinion so stop generalising and go focus on more important things.

  19. Grrrr…damn iPhone. Now I gotta roll over and open my laptop to watch your awesome interview. I heard you bitch-slapped some holographic mommy zombies and that is totally worth watching before my morning cocktail.

  20. I think you did an amazing job, I would have shat my pants if I had to be on CNN talking about…well, anything! And so what if you don’t want to be called Mommy by someone who’s not your kid? There’s a whole list of things I wouldn’t want to be called.

  21. Oh, lito. Really?

    Jenny you spoke BEAUTIFULLY. It’s about time CNN talked about zombies.

    (Carol Anne in Poltergeist ruined the word “mommy” for me. *shudder*)

  22. I saw you!!! it was so exciting! I didn’t know you were gonna be on CNN, but I was eating breakfast out and it started playing. A friend and I moved closer to the tv to hear you better.

  23. In the library right now, but I can’t wait to get home and watch this. And it really bugs me when the kids’ doctor calls me “Mom.” Hello? I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER, even though I might be old enough.

  24. I think I might be a little bit in love with you after watching this. Also, the words “Lady Garden” have probably never been said in the history of CNN. You made history today.

  25. Hilarious. I honestly can’t believe they let you be on CNN but I’m so glad they did. God bless America!

  26. Oh dear lord, I laughed so hard I shot Tabasco-flavored peanuts out my nose! And, those little buggers burn!

    ~EdT.

  27. OMG, I love you Jenny! That lady didn’t even know what to say to your answers. :p Kudos to her for holding it together though. Let us know when you send your zombie plan to the White House!

  28. I think you are phenomenal. I love that you were practically mocking them but in a polite way. Let’s be honest, the news is 99% people taking themselves and their opinions way too seriously (see above commenter for a prime example). Bravo Bloggess, you made my day!

  29. Jenny is a very open-minded person. She disagrees with other people referring to her and other women as “mommy” because it diminishes the role of men in parenting. Parenting is not solely a mother’s job. She is fine with her daughter calling her mommy, just no one else. Ignore the negativity, Jenny.

  30. You were awesome! Lots of fun, but lots of good sense in there too. And you brought up several issues that are important, not least the zombie apocalypse!

  31. you are so the coolest. And I tend to agree about the “mommy” issue; it’s obviously more complicated than what could be discussed there, but it is interesting how “mommying” and “parenting” are not the same thing.

  32. That was classic! I LOVED that you used “lady garden” and the zombie apocalypse on CNN. I am crying (good tears) over here! Best to you (and haters…lighten the f@#% up!)

  33. Hi, I’m here for the “Jenny is Awesome” party. Where do I put the cheese log and lamp shade?

  34. First of all, congrats on being asked to go on CNN!! I love that you speak your mind no matter where you are. I was happy about the “mommy comment” because your absolutely right no one should call you mommy that didn’t come out of your lady garden. (and how great is it that you said lady garden on CNn)

  35. When my daughter had a reaction to her antibiotics and her regular doctor wasn’t available, the guest pediatrician kept calling me “Mommy”. As in “Mommy, your daughter’s torso is covered with hives because of the anti-biotics you gave her!” As if a) this was kind of surprise to him, b) I must have failed to notice and c) what kind of monster would give her child anti-biotics as prescribed by her doctor in the first place? Out of all that the fact that he started every sentence he directed to me with “Mommy” was definitely the weirdest most disturbing part.

  36. HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET ON CNN!??!

    I love you dearly and your humor makes my day frequently! BUT your interviewer must have been wondering WHO picked you to come on! ROTFL!!

  37. Well said on every count! (The zombie stuff as well as the womanhood issues.) More people need to accept that most of the country can make decent decisions without legislature. You rock, Jenny Lawson!

  38. You are so freaking right! Third camp and Zombie Apocalypse Awareness! Run for President Jenny!!!!

  39. I loved it! I love that people who don’t know or follow your blog would have had no idea what you were talking about and I would have loved to see their faces! We need more humor out in the world. People take themselves too seriously.

  40. “copax April 14, 2012 at 9:47 am
    Also, there’s got to be a shirt in there somewhere. “I’m from my mommy’s lady garden” or something ”

    I see a new onsie design headed our way!

    Wonderful interview, Jenny. For someone who says she has no strong politics, you seem to know more about what you’re talking about than most of the political “experts” out there!

  41. Also, thank goodness you brought up the impending zombie appocolypse or robot revolution. If any of the candidates had a game plan, maybe I would actually get interested in politocs.

  42. I fully agree with not being called “Mommy” by anyone but your kid. Or sometimes Victor, when he says things like “Go get Mommy her Zombie Apocalypse Kit”. One of my friend’s kids called her by her first name in the market once, and my friend sternly told her, “To YOU, my name is MOMMY.”

    To YOU, kid, not anyone else.

    That said, you are awesome and I’m cross-stitching Beyonce The 5-Foot Metal Chicken with the caption “Knock, Knock, Motherfuckers” for a friend.

  43. And then, I read the first comment, and your response. Damned hot peanuts shooting out the nose – it snot funny!

    ~EdT.

  44. Lito, you missed the point. She doesn’t want to be called “Mommy” by other grown ups. Cuz that’s weird. So unless you’re the 7 year old that came of her uterus, you shouldn’t be calling her or any other woman “Mommy”. You should refer to them as a mother or a parent. Unless that mother or parent happens to be your own Mommy or the mother of your own children. See?

    Great interview, lady!

  45. Having Jenny on CNN most likely boosted CNN tapering off numbers. I would like to see the numbers on that.

  46. So…I don’t know if you realized this…but DURING YOUR INTERVIEW…Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got engaged. NOT TO SAY I WASN’T PAYING ATTENTION…

    You could be a little too witty for CNN. I think the host was overly threatened by you. Deservedly so.

    P.S. I slept with my signed bookplate last night – under my pillow – the bookplate, that’s not where I slept. 🙂

  47. I’m with you on the whole “mommy” thing. I think it’s one of those things that people use to be sneakily demeaning. If you’re a “mommy,” you’re really meant to be dealing with the “kiddies,” no?

    (Conversely, I try to get as many people as I can to call me Daddy, but only to be creepy.)

    Great job, Jenny!

  48. Jenny, you need to put a “Like” button on the comment sections. There are so many awesome comments on your posts that I would love to “Like.”

  49. I so very much appreciate you going on national television and saying that we don’t have to take a side in the SAHM vs. working mom issue. Thank you for that.
    There are a lot of conflicts where people just need to handle their own crap. I’m glad you put that thought out to the world.

    xoxoxo,
    Mandi
    almost prepared enough to be excited

  50. Ha! You’re just wonderful. “I don’t begrudge other people who have those things. Not to their face anyway”.

  51. She is a great mommy, she just doesn’t want to be your mommy!

    I love how you brought the statement back to the fact that there is not a generalized opinion. There are so many schools of thought, and it’s impossible to speak for all of them. That’s the true problem in politics right now, groups from both side trying to shove extreme agenda’s down the nations throat.

    Zed Day is coming!!

  52. I sincerely hope the next State of the Union addresses the need for all Americans to arm themselves with blunt weapons in preparation for the inevitable.

    Thank you for representing a well-rounded point of view about being a woman and parent and defending how women who are parents are represented in the media. I think an important take-away from the point Hilary Rosen was making is how absolutely lucky Ann Romney was to not HAVE to work a job and raise her children. I don’t think anyone who is a parent can deny the work that is involved that role. Though, I think that it is an element of parenthood that few are able to experience due to economic circumstances, which Ann Romney cannot personally relate to.

    But, in all unseriousness, I appreciated your ability to bring a sense of humor to CNN. More interviewees need to just be real.

  53. You make a good point about zombie apocalypse plans making politics more interesting. But then, when one candidate asked another if their wife turned zombie, would they be willing to shoot her in the head, we’d be right back to where we are now – everyone getting personally offended and moving away from the real issues and squabbling over getting too personal.

  54. Loved your mommy-point. It reminds me of… drat, can’t find it now, I would have SWORN it came from Dorothy Parker. Must’ve come from some other wonderful smartass who was belittling baby-talk and wrote what a friend said as she peered down into somebody’s stroller: “Essa wuzza booful durl, essa wuzza wuzza!”

    Try Googling “Essa wuzza booful durl.” You’ll get nothing.

  55. Hey there, I think what I love most about you is your confidence. And the contrast between your young age and the courage it takes to express yourself – without self judgement. Most of us get well into the third phase of our lives before we get it that our journey is not a dress rehearsal. Yayyy for you for having the confidence to be who you are.

  56. I salute you!! First off, kudos for just being on CNN, and second, for bringing word of the impending zombie apocalypse to the masses. She didn’t seem to take it seriously, her mistake. 😉

  57. Your interview was awesome – well-reasoned and thoughtful, but forward thinking. I doubt anyone on CNN expected to hear the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse addressed so rationally. And yes, a Zombie platform would get kids interested, and adults.

  58. I loved her distress as she kept trying to make you talk about this working-mom/stay-at-home mom “controversy” and you kept veering off to much more interesting topics.

  59. OMG! I watched it live and I have to say you almost made me pee my pants laughing!! All I could picture is the reporter after the interview saying “What the FUCK was that?!?” God bless you, Jenny, you made my day. Lady Gardens *shrieking with laughter* I love you.

  60. Pretty sure the next time somebody decides to ask me how I feel about specific candidates I’m going to have to expound on my disappointment in their non-existent zombie apocalypse platform.

  61. I normally don’t laugh while watching CNN. Thank you for making me laugh. You rock!

  62. HOW, in the HELL, did you get put on there to answer to a political issue?? And, were you asking yourself this the entire time? I heart you for the mentions of the zombie apocalypse, robots, lady gardens, and people with “so much crap going on in their lives” on CNN. *standing O* <3

  63. “Lady Garden”? that’s awesome. And I’m really wishing I had cable right now. U_U

    Oh and I think everyone should send in ideas and plans for the Zombie apocalypse to the white house.

  64. I HATE when people I didn’t birth refer to me as Mom or Mommy. “Is this Mom?” to my 4.5 year old. 1. WTF is wrong with you that you think someone approximately your age (or younger) could be your mother. 2. I don’t say “Is this idiot?” I politely introduce myself and ask for your name….like an adult.

  65. Anybody else think we should start a petition to get The Bloggess an appearance on the “Stephen Colbert Show”?

    ~EdT.

  66. I’ve never laughed at anyone like I laugh at you. Er, at your words, of course. Not you personally. Because that would be wrong. Seriously, the cat waterbed changed my life.

    I loved that you used Lady Garden and I agree with you about the disgust for the term ‘Mommy’ when it’s used as it is in today’s culture. You’re not considered just a ‘Blogger’. You’re a ‘Mommy Blogger’. The use of that word as an adjective is meant to belittle and undermine in a patriarchal and misogynistic way, even if not overt. No one calls men who blog or write ‘Daddy Bloggers’.

    Other than I’m all for making politicians outline a plan for the Zombie Apocalypse. After all, nothing is more important than our children’s brains.

  67. Loved it!
    Thank you for bringing humor to politics. I don’t want random strangers calling me “mommy” just because I have a child. I’m my son’s mommy, not the stranger looking at us together. To the stranger I have a name, and no I’m not going to tell you because I’m currently trying to teach my son to STOP talking to strangers.
    So, Jenny, I get what you meant about not wanting to be called mommy by everyone.

  68. I’m super happy for you that you weren’t too anxious to do an interview with CNN! (I expected you to be in your bathroom).
    I think you kinda missed the point though. Hilary Rosen made a clumsy statement – it should have been worded more like “People who can afford to be stay at home mom’s aren’t the greatest source of information for how the economy has been affecting them”. If your family can afford to live off one salary, you’re doing well for yourself. It’s the people who HAVE to work even though they WANT to stay home and raise their children that are being hurt the most by the economic downturn, and Hilary Rosen was pointing out that Ann Romney is rich and not the greatest source of information for that subject, since she’ll never be in a position where she HAS to work to be able to afford to feed her kids.

  69. Absolutely amazing, just as I assumed it would be! So awesome that in a “mommy” wars interview, you mentioned the things important in the real world. And that you really used LADY GARDEN, wow!! You’re right thou about being called “mommy”; I’ve always been sensitive to that, especially as a single parent. Congrats!

  70. I agree wholeheartedly; only one person gets to call me Mommy, and I found her in my lady garden. 😀 Also, the politicians would to well to listen to you. Preparing for a zombie apocalypse is a lot like preparing for natural disasters. And it absolutely would get younger people more interested in what the candidates had to say, if they discussed their plans for a zombie-free America. BTW, the CDC has a graphic novelization for zombie preparedness (www.cdc.gov/phpr/documents/11_225700_A_Zombie_Final.pdf).

  71. Jenny, you’re too much. LOL!! I think only you would have the balls to mention the impending zombie apocalypse on a national news show. I love you for that!

    As far as Lito is concerned, screw them! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if being called “Mommy” by someone else who isn’t your daughter bothers you, that’s your own thing. Who is anyone to judge?! Get a life, Lito. Jenny Lawson is amazing (and I actually almost just typed “Lawsome” which would have been just as fitting) and brave and incredibly strong in her own way and is totally allowed to have her own feelings be known. Respect… Show it!

  72. Just watchtg the clip, and loved watching you not play the media “vs” games they seem to run non-stop. I think there was a moment in the booth when they thought of killing the interview – and it wasn’t during “lady garden”. It was when you said this is a non-issue and we’ll move on. I wonder if anyone at CNN saw in that moment the freak show is them, not the girl who dresses up taxidermied rodents and speaks of zombie apocalypse readiness.

  73. Thank you for mentioning that the whole Rosen/Romney thing is a non-issue. It’s really just a chance for media-types to get an awesome sound bite, and it’ll all blow over. But the bigger issues are the ones you raised, so I’m glad it gave you an opportunity to do that. Because the zombie apocolypse is no joke.

  74. i loved you before, but now my love has deepened to Marianas Trench levels. if i fall in, don’t save me.

    LADY GARDEN@#%!@

  75. Best Saturday morning this year – first this video, then the postman brought my signed bookplate!!!

  76. You were horrible and disgusting. You are a threat to all of us and must never be allowed to appear on TV again.

    Love,
    Tom – leader of zombie attack pack 134

  77. You did an incredible job — you didn’t even do that crazy slow blinking I do when I’m on camera.

    My all time favourite part was when you said “protecting our brains.” Well done!! (standing slow clap)

  78. “not to their faces” 🙂

    And to those who might bash you: they are doing the same thing as with what happened to Hilary Rosen – taking words out of context. She meant not worked outside the home – having to hold down a job and get a pay check.
    “Parent” as opposed to “mommy” which carries certain connotations.

    Rock on, Bloggess!

  79. I think you missed her point, lito badiola. Jenny said she didn’t want to be called “Mommy” by anyone other than her own child. I understand completely and agree. For some reason, the label “mommy” as used by the media can be condescending. The media doesn’t interview “daddy bloggers” or “daddy workers”, they are called parents. As women, we’re proud to be the mothers of our children but give us the respect we deserve and call us parents.

    As far as the “Mommy Wars” issue…in the grand scheme of things, what you do with your life, as a woman and as a mother, is totally up to you and no one else’s business. As women, we should support all choices knowing that what is “right” for one woman, one family is not necessarily “right” for another woman, another family. Stay-at-home, work-from-home, work-outside-the-home, whatever terminology you use: we all work and work hard! Enough said. 🙂

    Jenny, loved how you worked all of this into your bit! LOL The interviewer had no idea how to handle your comments!

    “I still managed to mention the zombie apocalypse, the possible robot revolution, and the threat of the internet becoming self-aware.”

    Thanks for lightening up my morning! Well done!

  80. I thought you had an excellent point about “mommy” issues. Don’t talk down to me like I’m a child or some simpleton for being a mother. Mother, parent, etc… ADULT terms please.

    And your comment about not asking fathers about “daddy” issues I think can be extended. I get it that in politics they’re always looking at statistics and trying to group people, but it’s such an irritation to me to be generalized in the “well what ARE women concerned about” question. Would you ever ask “well what issues are MEN concerned about?”… because just having a penis doesn’t mean everyone is going to have the same views. Well, news flash, having a vagina doesn’t make us all think alike either! I’m glad you pointed out you can’t make a generalization about what women think or want since we’re all different people.

    Well Done 🙂

  81. Did they even read your blog before inviting you on CNN to share your opinion on national television? I’m with Carol, the look of stifled confusion on that lady’s face was incredible. *Just keep smiling… WHATEVER YOU DO KEEP SMILING*
    I do agree on one point, however. The white house needs a zombie apocalypse preparation platform and you… YOU need to be the one to write it.

    The CDC has one.

  82. Jenny…wonderful! words can’t describe how I feel…it’s time the major news stations get to the real stories…you kept true to what you do, bring laughter and joy into peoples lives. Your job, besides being a parent is a humorist…You? have nailed it.

  83. I never ever ever comment. But this made me want to kiss your stubby little toes. (I imagine that you have cute stubby little toes. Most cute people do.)

    Honestly, the important issue is not whether or not Mitt’s wife has ever worked a day in her life. It’s whether or not she’s instilled zombie preparedness in her kids. Frankly, my kid knows two important things. 1. Cardio is key. If you can outrun them, you just have to be faster than the next person.
    2. If that next person is me, turn around and double tap me. If you love me – you’ll double tap.

  84. My goal today is to use the phrase “lady garden” as many times as possible in conversation.

    You are just full of awesomeness, Jenny!!!

  85. Brilliant interview. I would definitely vote for a candidate with a solid plan for the zombie apocalypse. For one it would show they were in touch with the people.
    From a stay-at-home was a-working mom who definitely is in the too-much-crap-going-on-in-my-own-life-to-care camp!

  86. Babies come from peonies planted in lady gardens.

    Did someone dare you to say “lady garden” on CNN? That was HILARIOUS! Love you more than ever!

  87. CNN will never be the same. Thanks again, Jenny. You and your commentary, from lady garden to zombie apocalypse made my Saturday morning wonderful!

  88. Can you make a “Something’s growing in my lady garden” t-shirt for your shop? I’d totally buy that for when my wife is pregnant.

  89. Thank you for posting…I would have never gotten to see it otherwise.

    I agree that being call “mommy” by someone other than my child occasionally comes across more condescending than flattering. And I am sure that like me, you most likely make some cutesy comment like, “yes, baby” or something. Heck, at this point, even my 3 kids (9,10 & 18) only say “mommy” when they want something.

    I, for one am less worried about the TV version of the Zombie Apocalypse than maybe a more interpretive, everyone in the world becoming mindless zombies controlled by their electronic and the internet because it is self aware and we are too ignorant to notice until it’s too late. HAHA, sorry this is such a long message 😉

  90. I can’t believe no one else has commented on how funny the Bloods vs. Crips comment was. That killed me.

  91. I love how, if someone was not familiar with your writing/style, they’d just think a totally nutballs/drunk lady wandered into the studio and the staff didn’t catch her in time. “What do you think about working moms?” “Oh, people are concerned about the zombie apocalypse.” Awesome. Also, totally agree on the mommy front. I’m a freaking adult. Please don’t refer to me in baby talk.

  92. As someone who is part robot and thus excited about the zombie apocalypse, I find anyone who questions someone’s parenting just a moron.

    I have a career and I take my role as a husband and father to 3 daughters – 16, 8, 7 seriously, I went to a cheerleading meeting for my teenager that lasted 2 hours and shed more blood than an episode of Walking Dead. I was the only father there.

    Hilary Rosen’s comments rep the bigger problem. Politicians, pundits, and those who take them seriously are out of touch with what we care about.

    Bloggess, if want special entry in my robot-human hybrid family’s basement bunker for the coming zombie days, let me know. We have plenty of spaghetti o’s.

  93. That was fantastic! Hell, I’m Pro-Obama but if Romney started talking about the Zombie’s I’d actually listen to his speech. Then I would turn the channel and still vote for Obama. But yeah. AWESOME. You rock harder then the Jurassic period!!! <3

  94. that was incredibly surreal. did that really happen, or, has the zombie apocalypse happened, zombies ate my brain, and i am living in some sort of bizarre alternate reality? ~blink~

  95. I sure hope Victor let Beyonce watch this through the office window. She would be so proud!

  96. Awww you’re so cute! Love listening to you talk – and way to go with mentioning your lady garden on CNN lol…. made me laugh when I saw your tweet about it!

  97. This was awesome. It totally made my day, even though now I have to explain the Zombie Apocalypse to my mother-in-law, who is (apparently) completely unprepared. Rock on, Bloggess!

  98. Loved it! And I get the impression CNN didn’t really know who they were dealing with when they called you up for an interview.

    I wholeheartedly support your demand for a zombie apocalypse disaster preparedness plan. Of course, as far as you know, they already HAVE one, but it’s classified.

  99. Oh, also I’d like to add one more thing towards the whole “Mommy” issue thing. I think Romney’s wife did have it easy because of all of her husbands money. My mom raised me all by herself while she was getting her Masters Degree and working two jobs. She gave up her dream as a teacher because she didn’t want me to live in struggling neighborhoods *this was a long time ago mind you*. I’m done now. Again, you are awesome. And I love you!

  100. The lady at my son’s day care used to say, “Hello, Max’s Mommy”, and I’d reply, “Actually, my name is Patricia. Can we use that instead?”

    Blame that wanksock Dr Laura for her repeated use of, “I am my kid’s mom” in her brow-beating radio show. Sorry, being a mum is only ONE aspect of my personality, and I refuse to be defined by one term only. If I must, please let it be Overlord.

    I think you did fine, considering what unnatural circumstances a TV interview operates under. Well done!

  101. This is the best thing that has ever appeared on CNN. I say this with the confidence of someone who doesn’t watch TV and, prior to this, had never watched anything on CNN in their life.

  102. Disclaimer – I am not a parent so I don’t believe that I can have a super strong opinion on anything other than allowing everyone the right to live how they feel is best for their families. However, I ADORE your comments about “mommying”, what you said really struck a chord! When Sarah Palin had a healthy child at home with Downs Syndrome, people made a fuss. When Rick Santorum had a daughter in the hospital, no one suggested he stop running. Regardless of political affiliation, we need to not continue to try to force each other into gender roles.

    As always, you are fabulous and on point! I hope you and your family have a lovely weekend!

  103. You did a great job and I love your reference to lady garden. I think stay at home moms are great if their family unit has a setup where income is enough to support them.

  104. I will love you forever just on principle, but I love you ~even more~ this morning for underlining the point that women are individuals who think for themselves and have their own, individual opinions and priorities based on their own, individual lived experience.

    THANK you.

  105. I completely agree with you on the being called mom/mommy thing! I just complained about this earlier in the week. I was browsing a fitness/health club’s website and came across the “About Our Trainers” section. All the guys it listed all of their degrees and fitness accomplishments. All of the women’s pages talked about how they were a “busy mother of 3”). Yes, parenting is the most important job you will ever have, but it does not define you in every aspect of your life! I’m a vegetarian, but I don’t introduce myself as Stephanie the Vegan to my patients at work, or to anyone for that matter.

    I think you did a great job. Xanax pays off!!
    I’m sure there will be a lot of haters coming to be judgmental and analyze every little thing you said, because god forbid you use your personality or humor in politics! Which is exactly why I hate politics…

  106. Great interview!! Kudos to you for not doing it from a bathroom.

    Also, great Texas photos on the screens behind you. Limestone buildings and bluebonnets, doesn’t get much better than that.

  107. Hah. She was totally expecting you to fall in line with her point of view (or to have a cookie cutter POV). She obviously had no idea who you were. The look on her face after “lady-garden” was just awesome.

  108. Screams around like an excited 2 year old: Look-it-the-star!Look-it-the-star!
    hehe
    Just like cream, you rise to the top…or is that a floater? I forget. Cya later, mamacita. ;D

  109. Thanks for the shout out on promoting gay marriage! Also, you rocked this interview. I don’t know how you do it Jenny.

  110. My husband would like you to know if you ever need a new husband, he’s your man. He’s willing to pull together a zombie apocalypse plan for you, defend you against the robot revolution and worship your lady garden. However, when it comes to the internet becoming self-aware, you may be on your own. He’s scared of the internet and don’t believe you if he tells you differently.

  111. I believe the ones that are upset are that way because
    1. They wanted to be on CNN but you beat them to it.
    2. They want to call you mommy but now they know that it is impossible since you only allow children exiting through your “Lady Garden” to call you such a name.

    I think you are a breath of fresh air. Making others laugh is such a gift! Keep it up!

  112. I adore you, but I’m utterly confused as to why CNN wanted to interview you. You either have a killer publicist or CNN realized that this whole Ann Rosen thing was ridiculous (because if you listen to entire quote you know exactly what she was trying to say but could have said better) and knew you would treat it with the proper respect. If that’s the case, you delivered beautifully.

  113. Being a parent is awesome; it’s also awesomely hard. Rosen’s point, however, was not to put down Ann Romney, but to suggest that somebody who wants to be President shouldn’t get ALL his info about the economic worries of 51% of the population, from somebody who’s never shared them. Ann Romney may have shared many other worries and concerns with the average American mother, but scrounging money to feed, clothe, and shelter her kids isn’t any of them.

    That said, can anyone, R or D or I, ever really be prepared to protect their kids from the zombie apocalypse?

  114. I love you Jenny. I think politics would be much more interesting if they came up with a Zombie Apocolypse plan, too. I mean, the CDC came up with one, why not the Presidential canidates!

  115. Don’t suppose you used the word ‘undercarriage’ too, did you? I love that word. But then I am a sixty-something trapped in a thirty-something-year-old’s body.

  116. Jenny Lawson, I am simply outraged! How dare you overlook the pressing issue of that more and more dinosaurs are receiving medical qualifications!? You are part of the liberal media elite sweeping the issue of Dino Doctors under the rug and I am appalled.

    If I wasn’t so disgusted I would congratulate you on a wonderfully hilarious interview. But I am.

  117. Also, I loved the Command Center where they interviewed you. Assuming that’s not your actual home setup, did you get the urge to push a bunch of buttons?

  118. While I don’t really know your political views, I can say that for as long as I’ve read your blog I’ve always been thoroughly entertained and loved it! You’ve made me cry to the point of wetting myself on many occasions, and I think your interview was great.

  119. GODDESS!!! “Lady Garden”…fabulous! Love it!

    And,yes, I am in the third category as well and believe we are growing!

    Happy National Poetry Month!

    Prevail

  120. Okay . . . several things:
    1) I’m glad I wasn’t taking a sip of coffee because Lady Garden would have caused all that caffeinated splendor to come shooting out of my nose.
    2) I don’t think that Randi Kaye gets the importance of being prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse. She’ll be among the first to go.
    3) You have one of the best laughs ever.
    And . . .
    4) You rock.

  121. Oh Jenny, I would vote for you. The only people I call Mommy are 1) my mommy and 2) the mommies of the kids I babysit when I am talking to the kids only. And maybe a new mommy because it’s fun to call them mommy when they’ve just gained that role. Oh, and why does everybody think it’s weird for adults to call their mommies Mommy? That’s her name!!

  122. Bravo. CNN (and pretty much all TV news) needs a dose of reality…or at least something “different”.

  123. You did a great job!

    Personally, I’m a bit ticked off by this whole faux outrage about what Hillary Rosen said. I think it’s pretty obvious that she wasn’t criticizing stay at home moms. She was criticizing Ann Romney as being out of touch with the concerns of average American mothers. She has never had to worry about stretching a meal, kids outgrowing shoes faster than you can afford to pay for replacements, or whether she’ll be able to afford Christmas presents for her kids. This is a bullshit nonissue. A gazillionaire mom knows NOTHING about what the rest of us face. I’m sure Ann Romney is a lovely woman but she very obviously does not represent the average woman, neither SAHM or “working” mom.

  124. Yes, I, too, am in that third camp of “parents who recognize that we all just have to make this work and stop judging each other. . .” Thank you for that.
    My only note is that the person who calls me “mommy” didn’t grow in my apparently toxic Lady Garden but came home to me from someone else’s. What a blessing for all of us.
    I lied: my other note is that I LMAO when I saw the CNN interviewer try in vain to make you talk about something other than the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

  125. This was amazing. I bet that lady was totally shell-shocked when they went to commercial.

    When I started teaching, I always called my kids’ parents by their first names. When I moved to a new school across the country, the teachers always called the parents “mom” and “dad.” I always felt uncomfortable with that– kind of like, they aren’t important enough to learn their actual names? And they aren’t your mom or dad? I’d rather call them “sir” or “m’am” if I haven’t learned their names yet.

    Anyhow, ladygarden and zombie apocalypse… you rock!

  126. Thank you!!! I’ve been following your blog for a while and it was great to see you on CNN. I agree – I hate the whole term “Mommy Wars”. I’m not at war with anyone. I’m making decisions based on what is best for me and my family. And so is everyone else.

    And I just have to say that hearing you say “lady garden” on CNN and seeing the reporters face – best laugh I have had all week!

  127. Hahaha, CNN didn’t really know what they were letting themselves in for, did they. I’m imagining all the CNN watchers who aren’t Bloggess-aware sitting at home going, ‘er, what the hell just happened on our TV screens?’

  128. Sorry Lito and others don’t understand why you take issue with strangers calling all women they don’t know “mommies.” If that’s not a sexist attitude, then why aren’t we hearing about the Daddy Wars? Remember when a lot of people said Sarah Palin couldn’t govern because she had a bunch of kids, including one with a serious disability? I’m no big fan of hers, but hey – why wasn’t anybody asking that same question about Rick Santorum?

    But most of all, I’m glad you addressed this countries crying need for a real Zombie Apocalypse plan. Thank you for speaking up about the real concerns of the Mothers of America.

  129. It was a truly masterful appearance, and I’m sad for those who just won’t get it. You highlighted the absurdity of the brouhaha by injecting your own absurdity (and I mean that as a sincere compliment), refused to give in to their sensationalism, and in the midst of doing so, put the real issues on the table. In even your trademark silliness, you were the sensible one.

    Unfortunately, a lot of people will only hear “zombie apocalypse” and “lady garden”. Those of us who know your work, though, heard you say over and over “We shouldn’t focus on the things that divide us /or/ on what unites us with a select few. We should focus on what makes each of us unique. That is was unites us all.”

  130. Amazing! Every good politics and parenting debate should include a serious discussion of zombie apocalypse preparedness!!

  131. And that’s why you should run for office. People who are unprepared for or unafraid of the Zombie Apocalypse are unfit to govern anyone anywhere.

  132. Hey, Jenny! This was hilarious! I loved how the interviewer knew she was in trouble, and just went along with it. I wish I was as comfortable with myself as you are, and could truly let my mind flow the way yours does. YOU ARE FABULOUS!!

  133. I love you. Love you. Not only were you able to cut to the chase with the whole “mommy wars” nonsense, you were able to annoy the correspondent with the zombie apocalypse and robot uprisings.

    This is the winningest guest commentary I’ve ever seen.

  134. I thought you were just STUNNING! Awesome interview 🙂

    P.S. I just finished reading your fabulous, funny memoir and reviewed it on my blog. Bravo, you!!

  135. First of all, is it weird now to be uber famous and shit? I mean, Oprah? CNN? Holy crap.

    Secondly, thanks for posting the clip – I had to take my son on a doortag hanging thing for cub scouts this morning and missed it. I fell in love with you even more when you said birth canal followed immediately by Lady Garden. It was so refreshing to hear the issue of internet self-awareness raised in the CNN forum.

    I am thankful for any productive conversation about parenting. I wonder where the stay-at-home Dads (I know there are more out there than we hear from) stand on a) The Romer Comment and b) Romney’s Focus Group of One?

    huge cheers and hugs to you,
    kellimack

  136. You know – I’ve been called a “mother” too by people who are not my kids. Being a guy though, it seems to have a different connotation. And there were bruised feelings involved (as well as bruised noses and fists and the like).

    God. Should I even have commented? I shouldn’t have commented. I’m sorry. Bring on the zombie apocalypse – I’m much more prepared for them.

  137. You are effin brilliant. Best CNN spot I’ve ever seen. More lady garden and smug well-prepared zombie killers and less political rhetoric. CNN has found it’s new morning show.

  138. My fav quotes were “Lady Garden” and “At least not to their face”, although I think the CNN anchor died a little inside when your platform for the White House was the Zombie Apocalypse. +3 Internets for that one. You are my hero and I want to be just like you when I grow up. I’m only 36 right now with 14 year old and an 8 year old so I’ve got plenty of time left, right?

    As far as the whole Mommy thing I agree with you. I mean the only time one unrelated adult calls another adult “Daddy” is in a porno…. or between consenting adults but that’s a WHOLE NOTHER CNN interview right there.

  139. angry comments are for dummies. you’re amazing – i’m so glad more of the world is getting to know you!

    got my book plate – cannot wait to meet you next week in Los Angeles. i’ll TRY to be normal, but no promises.

  140. I have read this blog every day for almost a year and I have never posted, but this is the first time I’ve seen you speak, and it made me really really happy.

    As far as lito’s comment is concerned, I honestly wanted to understand what she was saying, but I think her efforts to dissent from you were thwarted by the internet screwing up her spelling and syntax… the bad news, obviously, is that, as you predicted, the internet has become self-aware. The good news is that apparently the internet has your back.

    Just so you know, cause I probably won’t work up the nerve to post again, your writings about anxiety have really touched me. I wish we could be best friends… in fact, part of me hopes that my blog gets popular just so that I could meet you at, like, a blogger conference or something…

    Anyway, thanks for being you; it makes me feel more comfortable about being me.

  141. Jenny, you are adorable, insightful, generous, and the funniest woman I have ever seen. Thank you for the joy you bring to the world. <3

  142. Great interview and nice try at trying to get the interviewer to focus on the real issue, the zombie apocalypse, rather than manufactured drama, “mommy wars”.

  143. Please don’t ever stop being you. You make parenting survivable and hysterical. And when the zombies come – because they will – I really hope you’re on my team.

  144. You are so fucking amazingly funny. You are my hero. And Lady Garden apparel should definitely be in the works.

  145. I love you even more now. And I plan on using lady garden as much as humanly possible, for the rest of my life. You made CNN interesting. I adore you.

  146. Zombie apocalypse, Robot revolution AND Lady Garden all on CNN. Brilliant!!

    By the way….I don’t care what she said…They so would NOT love to have you back. But I would LOVE it if you were!

  147. I couldn’t drink my coffee and watch your clip at the same time – I was afraid of spiting coffee all over my computer! You are brilliant, funny and a person I strive to be more like! THANK YOU!!!

  148. ….I love you. I wish I could write something more intelligent but this was so brilliant I have no idea what to say.

  149. There’s nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said by your legion of fans here, but I just want to add my applause to an awesome appearance. I predict you’ll be asked back again when something ludicrous like “mothers don’t work” rises to the top of the political bilge sewer.

  150. That made my day and inspired me to make my own Juanita picture. Yes I am late to the party, but it seemed appropriate.
    [IMG]http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n157/aboleyn24/Banners/6883378797_b72477242a-2.gif[/IMG]

  151. I made the mistake of taking a drink from a glass of milk while watching this. I know need to clean off my computer screen because I couldn’t swallow before laughing. You are awesome. And you brighten my days so often. Thank you!

  152. Sooooo….. How long until your acceptance speech as the nominee for the pro-Lady Garden/anti-Zombie party?

  153. I second the “fresh from the lady garden” onesie!
    Jenny, great job. Thank you for being a refreshing voice on CNN. But, I was hoping they would have unplugged Wolf from his charging station and brought him out to interview you. The look on his face when you said “lady garden” would have made it priceless!

  154. I kind of just want to get naked, throw on a wolf blitzer costume and roll around in this video clip. Awesome. I would love to see what Obama’s zombie Apocalypse plan is…assuming he’s not already on the side of the Zombies.

  155. And the awesome thing is that they thought you were joking about zombie apocalypse, robot riots and Internet becoming self-aware. They didn’t know this is as straightforward as it can be. 😀

  156. “I don’t begrudge those that do. Not to their face.”

    I think a lot of people missed that.

  157. You were awesome, as usual. I’m pretty sure that was the best thing EVER to appear on CNN and will most likely never be topped.

    Just one small thing, though. When you speak about every parent having to make the decision themselves about whether to stay at home or work, it doesn’t seem to acknowledge the fact that a vast majority of mothers in this country absolutely have to work. I didn’t have to, and I didn’t. My daughter, on the other hand, would love nothing better than to stay at home with her son. But she doesn’t have that luxury. And she’s married. An overwhelming majority of single parents also don’t have a choice in the matter.

    In this country, today, that choice definitely falls into the luxury category.

    Fortunately, there are now more and more ways of making money from home…although there are still more scams in that category than true opportunities. I am so very happy for you that you were able to have the choice, but you are one of the lucky ones. There is no question that stay at home moms have it so much easier than mothers who have to work full time AND have all the same responsibilities as stay at home parents. That is the point Hilary Rosen was making, and it is a perfectly valid one.

  158. I love being called Mommy by my little boy but not by Mexican men who don’t know me. I love how you kept a straight face and barely stayed on the topic! Hilaria Thomas.

  159. Um, we need to start a twitter trend STAT for urging politicians to come up with a zombie platform.

  160. I guess if this was a global issue, Britain would be having “Mum Wars.” Great job on the spin!

  161. Thank you.

    We aren’t defined by our roles. We’re all unique and should be equal. Hell yes some people are out of touch and too smug for words, but we really shouldn’t acknowledge that, eh?

    Also, prepare for internet zombies!

    Bravississima for looking calm, cool and collected on CNN, and not letting them railroad you!

  162. OMG Jenny, you’re definitely something!
    You rocked this interview. I love how the interviewer had to refrain herself from laughing everytime you said (with a serious face, of course) things like “lady garden”, “zombie apocalipse”, etc.
    Thanks for bringing joy and crazyness to a world that badly needs it. You’re an inspiration to me and many more. Love you!

  163. Jenny,

    You were absofuckalutely awesome. I want to thank you. It had never occurred to me how demeaning strangers referring to women as “mommies” was and I completely see your point. Also, though you were kidding and the whole humorist thing and whatnot, I honestly think that you hit solid gold when you mentioned kids being concerned about their brains and the zombie apocalypse. My brain is now busy trying to figure out how not to get in trouble while using this as a teaching platform in my second grade class. Imagine creating a peer-pressurized, zombiepocalypse platform as a motivator for working hard, learning to think for yourself, problem-solving, model.
    Seriously…not even kidding. I wish…oh how I wish I could find a way to not get myself in deep shit doing that. Unfortunately there are a few gravitationally impossible uptight people who just can lighten up enough to allow this to happen even though it’s pure genius.

    Btw, did I ever tell you about the time one of my students tried to demonstrate zombie behavior and I had to correct them and explain they were showing mummy behavior and then go on to explain the fundamental differences? Then, I asked my whole class to shamble like zombies as they lined up for lunch. It was serious poetry to watch 20 2nd graders shamble and groan all the way to the line in unison. BEST teaching day EVER!

  164. This interview just made me that much more excited for your book to be delivered to my kindle fire on Tuesday! Friggin amazing. Seriously. And Lady Garden…My new favorite phrase! Right up there next to douche-canoe!

  165. P.S.
    Also, when can you install a “Like” button here? The “Fresh from the Lady Garden” onsie is so beautiful!

    P.P.S.
    You know you want to put that in your store!

  166. Jenny, I’m so proud to be a fan today. That interview had to be absolutely TERRIFYING for you, but you pulled it off with poise, confidence, and a humor so completely amazing that you had the professional interviewer laughing out loud on more than one occasion. Bravo to you, lady!

  167. Jenny, I really didn’t think you could make me laugh harder than you already have. . .but you did. And I work in supporting young people to understand the power they have as informed voters and active citizens, but despite the fact my son owns no fewer than 5 books on how to survive a zombie attack, I’ve never thought to include that in our curriculum.

  168. This was so stunningly great on so many levels — I saw it this morning and was bowled over. I don’t know if you meant it to be an scathing commentary on the absurdity of the whole brouhaha, but it was. And. It. Was. Awesome.

    I also nominate it for Best Use of Statistics.

  169. I love you more and more. First, you were on CNN, then you said “lady garden” within 2 minutes of being on the air, and finally, you found an excuse to talk about the zombie apocalypse and robot revolution.

    Classic misdirection.

    On a more serious note, I (like everyone who follows you) disagree with the first person who commented. You said it can be demeaning to be called “mommy” by everyone. Not that your own kid can’t call you that. I agree that people sometimes use “mommy” in a derogatory way when referring to moms in a negative light. Poor woman, saying something not supportive on your blog, and then copying and pasting what you said, which does not properly cite what she thinks you said.

  170. I hope you are sitting by your phone right now. I’m betting both Obama and Romney will be calling you shortly for your expert opinion on the proper way to prepare for the zombie apocolypse. I understand completely if you are unable to share those details. I would hate for you to be arrested for breaking national security protocal.

    I bet they are both trying to figure out what a “lady garden” is as well. 😉

  171. LOL you were fantastic. Politicians are missing an amazing opportunity by not debating zombie preparedness plans. They would know that if you were their campaign manager.

  172. “…not to their face anyway.” Perfectly deadpanned. Love it!!!

    Thanks for representing the rest of us, that percentage that is growing! You did it marvelously!

  173. Jenny, that was EPIC! Plus, we are so proud of you being able to overcome your anxiety to actually be on tee vee! That’s awesome. What a great step forward. Perhaps that means you can spend less time in the bathroom. BTW what kind of bathroom did they have at the studio you were in (I know you spent some time there). And I second or twentieth the desire to see a tee shirt with “I’m from your Lady Garden.” Only the bravest of parents will purchase it, but what the heck, it makes a STATEMENT, dammit.

  174. (After watching the clip)
    Fiance: This woman is crazy. When does the bloggess come on?
    Me: That was her.
    Fiance: Oh…never mind. That makes more sense.

    Fiance: She’s not what I expected.

  175. Best CNN interview EVER!!! I laughed. I cried. It became a part of me.

    At one point, when they cut back to the reporter, she had that stupid pasted on ‘baby shower grin’ and the look in her eyes were ‘how the fuck am I going to get this back into politics?’. And you KNOW the people in the booth are on the floor laughing their asses off and whispering “Lady Garden” in this woman’s ear.

    Bravo for you. Bravo for your Lady Garden.

  176. Oh gosh, I love you. I mean, you said everything I’d want to say but wrapped in your wonderful brand of humor (or is insanity?). Seriously, I’m so sick of this “what do women want?” shit like we are alternate beings and need to be considered in a different way. Hello, the question is more like “what do the people want?”. Women want to be treated like people. Women don’t want to be treated differently than men. Women want to make their own decisions concerning their bodies. Criminy, is that so hard to understand? All women aren’t mother’s. Women’s interests don’t revolve around motherhood. And as a human with female genitalia who identifies as a women I’m really fucking concerned about zombies! BLOGGESS FOR PRESIDENT!

  177. i can not even begin to count the ways in which that was awesome.

    omg jenny. you totally mocked cnn, on cnn. win.

  178. *applauds* Sweetie, if you and I are ever in the same zip code, I’m totally buying you a drink. Or if you’d prefer, a lovely forty-year-old taxidermied ‘possum. Living in the south as I do, I imagine it wouldn’t be too difficult to locate one. 😀

  179. Thank you thank you thank you for pointing out to the air head interviewer that not ALL women want the same thing…that we are not sheep, we are people!

    Also..the “not to their faces at least” remark made me giggle.

    If you were on CNN all the time it would be my favorite channel.

  180. “I’d like to see the candidates develop a plan for the zombie apocalypse.” “That’s not going to happen.”

    ACTUALLY, given their general falling over their shoes to please the voters, I could totally see a candidate developing a plan for the zombie apocalypse. It would be wildly cute. Maybe if a candidate made an appearance on MTV or something.

  181. That you get to say important things on CNN makes me really, really happy. Plus also? making that anchor discuss zombies? Freaking BRILLIANT.

  182. you rock …. and since I am very concerned about the zombie apocalypse as well as the imminent robot wars…. I’m voting Bloggess for President as well!

  183. Just when I didn’t think I could love you anymore… Thank you for pointing out that you can’t put what ALL women want into one category, and for not buying into the 24 hour news cycle try to cause controversy shit. I thought you handled yourself with class and were honest. I’ve never commented before on your blog before, but as a 25 year old female who is fucking TERRIFIED about the future of politics and what rights might possibly be taken away from woman, I thought you did a great job. I think Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) said it best… “uteruses before duderuses.”
    Abby

  184. Is it possible?…possible….for us all to commit to refraining from judging one another on one issue this year? Just one for now – let’s start with the “which job is harder – SAHM vs working mom” battle. I challenge us all to refrain from making any judgmental or insinuating remarks about this one single issue, for 2012. Can we do it? We feed into the hysteria by reducing an extremely complex issue into some black and white, either/or concept. No matter what judgment you make, someone can see your card and raise you one, so what’s the point?

    Maybe we need an international value scale, to end this once and for all?

    Score 1 to 100. All moms will be evaluated by a new professional, credentialed team of international experts from every political party and social class and be assigned a score. Here’s an outline – we can fill in the rest of the scale together.

    1 – mom of 1 child, SAHM with nanny, house keeper, lots of money, a whipped DH and is “blessed”
    *
    *
    *
    25 – mom of 2 children, SAHM, does most housework, DH helps 25%
    *
    *
    *
    50 – mom of 3 children, 1 w/ disability, works part time, DH helps 50%/50%
    *
    *
    *
    75 – mom of 4 children, works full time, DH helps 25%
    *
    *
    *
    100 – mom with fibromyalgia, with 6+ children, 3 w/ disabilities, works 3rd shift, attends college & waits on DH

    Humm…but how to factor in breastfeeding vs bottle feeding, helping a family member battling cancer, or a mom suffering miscarriages, financial stress, or a mom getting help with antidepressants vs going it alone? Maybe then the mom can get a temporary “bonus” to her score for each additional hardship or effort…plus 5?…plus 10?

    Should each mom’s score be assigned yearly, like a merit review?

    Perhaps a matrix of life conditions would capture the data more accurately?

    Oooooh, I’ve got it! We can make a one hundred way ANOVA – analysis of variance, and then we could get a statistical probability that one mom’s job was harder than another’s! That would work! A national database, where moms can update their life circumstances, from a drop down menu (birth of a new baby, child diagnosed with disorder, mom returns to college, etc.) and the computer would recalculate each mom’s Fcrit and she would be assigned a new score! Of course, even a mom with the most challenging circumstances, might do a bad job and not deserve a high score, so we could also have customer and peer evaluation forms. Our kids, husbands, friends and family could complete the form and that score could easily be factored into the ANOVA!

    This could be a ground breaking project that would even create jobs! And FINALLY, once and for all, the mommy wars could end, because our value would be quantified!

    Then, when your friend complains about a rough day, you can say, “tell me ’bout it sis’ta, I’m an 83!”

    Or, maybe we could just remember that whether we create the scale or not, it exists. I can see your “organic only meals” and raise you one “learning disability”.

    This is my vision….join me?

  185. Beautiful interview, as a single dad of one, I am squarely in your camp of everyone is going through their own thing. Plus, you reminded me, the only thing less prepared than my tax return is my zombie apocalypse plan . . . after all a mind is a terrible thing to waste . . . unless prepared with a nice wine reduction and a spinach salad . . . and zombies just can’t prepare such a fine meal.

  186. That initially made me giggle harder than Anderson Cooper talking about Dyngus Day. Enjoyed hearing your very salient points!

  187. As a stay at home mom for 15 years I have used the term mommy about myself (generally when I am clearly not doing what I need to do well “c’mon mommy”). I used to call my best friend “mommy” as well she was many times a mommy to me! Let me tell you, my teenagers never use that term anymore. And anytime I fill a form in that asks for “relationship to:” I promptly put in “parent”.

    Jenny – this Rosen issue is garbage. And thank you for adding some levity to something that needs to be buried in the backyard…with some bad taxidermied animals that didn’t make the short list. YOU WERE AWESOME!
    T

    p.s. got my bookplate – waiting for the UPS delvery dude, and sorry I can’t make your LA visit…childs birthday…

  188. At least not to their faces…AWESOME!

    I think the politicians should be focusing way more on the zombie apocalypse. How could that woman not even know about it????? Where the hell has she been.

    You rocked that interview. Congratulations on your amazing stardom and awesomeness. You make me furiously happy. :o)

    Chelle

  189. I absolutely love your take on banning the word Mommie. Laughing at “I don’t begrudge people for having these things… at least not to their faces.” Tru dat!

    However, I think Rosen’s comment about Mrs. Romney applies from the perspective of socio-economic status. I don’t know how Mrs. Romney would know more about “regular people’s lives” more than Mr. Romney simply on the merit of her being a woman, and a mother.

    p.s. I wonder how many CNN regular viewers know that you are a humorist. Ha.

  190. I loved when you said I don’t begrudge ladies with nannies and trainers ….at least not to their faces! Awesome

  191. I too was wondering–have they ever read The Bloggess? How can they NOT be expecting your demographic to be concerned with zombies?

    It’s the first time I’ve every gotten out of bed to watch CNN and it was worth it!

  192. I agree on the Mommy thinhg…I prefer to be called Mrs. Ricks by people who don’t know me. Then, if I like them, I will allow them to call me by my given name. It is Manners!

    AND YOU ARE ALWAYS BRILLIANT! God bless you!

  193. So I shared your blog with my hubby a while ago, he was wonder why I was laughing at the computer. Now I keep finding him reading it.

    This is exactly what needs to be addressed! Thank you for bringing the zombie apocalypse to light, sometimes you’ve got to wonder what the positions are thinking!?

  194. Omg Omg Omg we are having a fan family moment in South Texas, well except for the prudish 11 year old who is disturbed by the term lady garden. Thus insuring that the rest of us will slip it in every other conversation with her today! In the dictionary next to awesome is a link to The Bloggess, or at least there will be when the internet developes independent thought!

  195. My husband was all, “Did she just say ‘lady garden’ on CNN?” Good stuff.

    The Bloggess: Making the zombie apocalypse a national political issue since 2012.

  196. What a nice surprise in the mail last night – a lovely signed bookplate for your book (when I finally get it). I’m relatively new to your blog, resisting reading your past entries so I can thoroughly enjoy the book.

    I have what I call “The Corner of Death” in my home, taxidermied heads from critters my spouse has “bagged” (with the food duly eaten – anyone for elk enchiladas?), so even at my advanced age, I can relate a tad.

    Thanks for the bookplate!

  197. I LOVE YOU JENNY! I have never heard the term “lady garden.” I’m going to ask my good ole boy coworkers if they know what a lady garden is. It should make for an interesting blog down the road. 🙂

    Oddly enough. the state of apathy toward politics in this country is a real threat. It already is a zombie apocalypse. I feel my brains being sucked by this current election as is.

  198. And I didn’t think there was a better term than Lady Bits.

    Lady Garden just took the lead.

    Just get your own show and be done with it. One day I wanna hear myself say, “Sorry…can’t stay. Gotta get home…The Jenny Lawson Show is on tonight.”

  199. Loved it! Definitely not the interview one expects to see on CNN. Thank you for making the conversation so much more amusing than it was probably meant to be. As for the portion of the chat about being called mommy I completely agree with you. The only person who I feel has any right to refer to me as Mommy is the child that I gave birth to and whose Mommy I actually am. Anyone else referring to me by that label I find demeaning.

    P.S. You should absolutely be sending your plan for a zombie apocalypse straight to the White House! I myself would love to see a copy 🙂

    P.S.S. You rock!!

  200. You just made fun of CNN on CNN. You are STILL my hero. I’m not going to say ‘you’re my new hero,’ or ‘you’re my hero for the day!’ because you’ve been my hero for about four years running now….YOU ARE AMAZING!!!

  201. awesome. absolutely awesome. And the zombie apocalypse is a much more urgent situation when compared to mommy wars. Those that don’t see that will clearly be the first eaten.

  202. You did fabulous Jenny! It was clear that the anchor did not do her research about you. You are clearly NOT a “mommy-blogger.” I got so sick of her calling you a mommy blogger I almost had to change the channel. But then I would have missed the awesomeness of you talking about the Zombie-pocalypse!

  203. You, are my hero. Who else can say Lady garden and Zombie apocalypse, AND self aware machines all in the same conversation and have them make sense? No one. I tell you. NO ONE.

    As a working parent, one who had to out of necessity, thank you for shining light on how this camp thinks and feels.

  204. I think with regards to the mommy thing, you wouldn’t just randomly speak to someone by calling them mommy, would you? Surely you would use their first name? And if discussing it you would call them the child’s mother? But perhaps if talking tot he kid you would call them whatever the kid calls them? I don’t know. I don’t have to make decisions using my vagina yet.

  205. Re: your CNN appearance Saturday morning
    Most thinking people were sensitive to the possible implications of what Hilary Rosen said about Mrs. Romney being a stay at home mother. But we should realize the point Ms Rosen was trying to get across was that Mitt Romney is out of touch with the struggles of women, working or not, because he and his wife never had to worry about money (whether you agree or not ). That she was a stay at home mother was incidental to her point, even though both parties seized the comments because of the potential political ramifications of this particular interpretation. That point aside, as a woman reacting to the insensitivity of Ms. Rosen’s comments, I would think you would consider the effects of your own hyperbole when suggesting that choosing between being a stay at home mom and a working mom is like choosing between the Cripps and the Bloods. Or is that really like being born at an economic disadvantage in a country that discriminates against you because of your race and having so few choices and opportunities so as to force you into gang life? If anyone is rolling their eyes, I would tend to agree with you. Then again, maybe we should all just be reasonable people and look at the overall meaning of what someone is trying to say, rather than turning every misspoken word into a media firestorm.

  206. Good on you for not taking the bait to encourage the flames of all the BS. Unless it is you leading the charge, I know I’m first against the wall when the revolution comes, so I hope it is you and you can use my zombie fighting skills to our universal good.

  207. Oh, that was so full of win 🙂 If CNN was like that all the time, I might actually watch it!

  208. If I’m ever called to be on CNN (and why would I be?), I am calling you for a list of topics to focus on. Best CNN interview I’ve seen, hands down.

  209. I can’t believe I just watched a CNN clip. I feel like all of my bad-ass-Republican-FOX-News-viewing street cred has just been destroyed. You were fabulous, however. Now I must go read some Ann Coulter to assuage my guilt.

  210. That woman didn’t know what to make of you at all – it was fecking brilliant. Also, way to shut down the “baby talk at & about women” at the beginning! Just as a man with a kid is more than a father, a woman with a kid is more than a mother. I’ve long been tired of the sexist applications of language (by anchors of both genders, which makes it doubly sad) on mainstream news media.

    Also? You’re the only person who could get me to tune in to CNN. Normally I refuse to watch mainstream media now because of the misogyny, the coverups and the outright lies. It took you to bring intelligence, humor, and lady gardens to their national debate. The only thing that could have made this interview over the moon awesome, is if you’d worked in Clown Porn. I salute you, Madam.

  211. I don’t begrudge them all that, at least not to their faces. OMG, still laughing at that.

  212. Way to rock, Jenny! Nice of you to include the forced ultrasounds, PP, and gay marriage. Just got my autographed book thingie from you today – can’t wait to get the books I ordered for me and my friends. Again, way to go.
    Fondly,
    barb in Minnesota

  213. epic! thanks! i thoroughly enjoyed your interview. haha.. you had some great points – especially about the Zombie Apocalypse! i loved that you stated that mom’s aren’t just mommy’s – they’re parents.

  214. Thank you so much for the link! It’s SO great to see you up on CNN. I don’t think she expected your initial Zombie apocalypse interest. XD
    I’m also not thrilled with someone dubbing me ‘Mommy’ but this also goes back to my general irritation with Politicians, (esp. a certain female politician) trying to use cozy, cutesy language in an attempt to prove that they UNDERSTAND everyone. My being a MOTHER is one aspect of my life, an intensely life changing aspect for me, but it is just one aspect of who -I- am. I’m a mother, I’m also a salesperson, a writer, an aunt, a chef, a photographer, and a friend. I’m not rich, but I’m not poverty stricken. I’m not a single parent, but I don’t have a housekeeper/nanny/or butler. (Though I would do a LOT of unethical things just to get someone to wash my dishes.)
    I’m not the only woman in my situation, but I am the only one who’s me. The crazy Doctor Who obsessed, sci-fi reading, apocalypse planning, twitter addicted me. I am not a demographic, I am a person, and while my political decisions are my own, I’m not going to label myself ‘us’ or ‘them’ based only on a single party or issue at hand.

  215. So, the take away here is that I probably need more ammunition in preparation for the zombie apocalypse. Because it might be coming sooner than we think. Check.

  216. I’m in the Crips, but I’ve been known to bash a mufuka with the Bloods once or twice. I let my kids call me Mommy even though they didn’t have the pleasure of weed whacking my Lady Garden (what?), but beyond them, I draw the line. THAT MEANS YOU, POST MAN.

    (Oh, and nice interview, too.)

  217. Sorry, but if my dog calls me Mommy I would allow it even if she has never traipsed through my lady garden.

  218. I love you. So much. For real.
    The poll segway was pure genius.
    Also, I think no one at CNN really reads your blog or understands your genius.
    <3 <3 <3

  219. In just three sentences you made me LOVE YOU EVEN MORE.

    Awesome. And I, too, support your zombie apocalypse platform. (Although self-aware Internet worries me more. “You don’t want to surf to THAT page, Dave. It contains information. Here is a nice LOLcat for you.”)

  220. I couldn’t be more proud of you if you had come from my own lady garden. And I just realized how creepy that sounds. So… yeah. Proud of you. You kicked ass.

  221. I don’t know how you ended up on CNN with those uppity and all-serious aholes, but I can only imagine the backlash they recieved from their hoidy toidy good for nothing except bitching viewers who have nothing better do to that scream, “Oh my God, Martha! This woman just said “Lady Garden” on CNN!! ” And to them I say:

    Yes indeed, she did just say that.

    This is one of the most epic CNN interviews I have ever seen. I would watch CNN more if they had more people like you on there.

  222. lmao not to their faces anyway 😛 And that is why I stay married to my husband, so he can protect me from the zombies 😀 and I am guessing you are now the record holder as no one else has probably ever said “Lady Garden” on CNN lol

  223. Is this the kind of shit that’s going down on CNN. Because, if so, I have got to start watching.
    In unrelated news, my bookplate arrived. Freakballs amazesauce. Is it the 17th yet?

  224. I thought it was funny that she kept steering you back to the mommy issues. I wanted to hear more about the zombie apocalypse!

  225. I’ve never been so glad that CNN interviewers don’t do any sort of prep or research. You nailed it, looking totally witty, smart, and open-minded while making a cable news organization look baffled, uptight, and unprepared. What more can anyone ask for?

  226. First – your boobs. Holy cow. Also? I’m pretty sure no one at CNN was expecting you to completely ignore their line of questioning while simultaneously appearing to answer. I’m awed by both of these.

  227. OMG, This interviews sums up so many of the things I love about you!
    Not only do you not fall for the “mommy wars” bait, but you manage to talk about both the Zombie Apocalypse and addressing Planned Parenthood and forced ultrasounds in one interview.

    Who do we bribe to get you back on the show? If you do get on ahead, you should totally bring/wear a taxidermied rodent. Jaunita may be too big, but I’m sure someone out there can make you brooch out of a mouse wearing a tutu or something.

  228. “kids are really interested in zombies, it would get kids interested in politics again, plus it’s all about survival skills, protecting your brains and knowlege…”

    *nods*
    An excellent well-reasoned point, Jenny.

    I might have detected some slight insincerity at “We’d love to have you back! Er…another morning…” though 🙁

  229. I actually watched the clip before reading this post.

    First- Even though I’m on my death bed with a terminal chest cold and my only wish is that I live long enough to watch tonight’s episode of 48 Hours Mystery, I still managed to give you a standing ovation for your “mommy” comment. I don’t even have kids, yet still it bugs me when I hear grown adults refer to women with children as “mommy”.

    Second- When I heard “Lady Garden,” I laughed so hard that I coughed up part of my lung. Obviously this means I probably won’t survive the next hour, let alone make it past tonight’s episode of 48 Hours Mystery. But still…it was worth it.

  230. The irony of a William Shatner “priceline negotiator” commercial leading your CNN interview set the tone! Hope he doesn’t decide to block you in the twitterverse again!

  231. CNN just can’t handle how amazing you are. I could see it on that correspondent’s face. Whatever. Their loss.

    I got my bookplate today and I was so excited I started dancing at the mailbox and then had to quickly compose myself as one of my neighbors came down the hallway. This is why *I* don’t get invited to neighborhood barbecues either.

  232. Jenny, you are awesome and so beautiful. I like that you advocate zombie apocalypse preparedness as a way to re-engage young people in politics. Did you know that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are already all over this? They’ve been promoting zombie preparedness for a while now. Hilarious. http://www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies.htm

  233. I’ll bet CNN was happy that the first post on your blog at that time wasn’t “Everyone Says Fuck Off” : )

  234. You are fantastic. Not only did you say “lady garden” and mention the Zombie Apocalypse multiple times, but you were allowed to say “crap” on air, which I don’t think I’ve ever seen. Way to go!

  235. Everything about that clip was amazing. I love that you stay true to yourself no matter what the situation. Hats off to you.

    We have an election going on right now in Alberta, and the two strongest parties have females leaders. You should see how the media is portraying them. It is embarrassing.

  236. *stands and applauds*

    THANK YOU for saying publicly what needed to be said about this “mommy wars” bullshit. Everyone is making decisions based on their individual situations and their individual children and we should be trying to support fellow parents rather than finding new and exciting ways to cut each other down. Good for you, Jenny.

  237. GOOOGLE BOT NEEEDS LADY BRAIINS!!101101111111111111111…….

  238. My one comment about the FABULOUS new baby tee (which I love, and if I ever do procreate, will definitely put on my child) – the only way it could be even MORE fabulous is if you added some lovely flowers in the corner – ya know, to make it slightly easier to pretend I’m not trying to slip a euphemism past my uber conservative parents. Plausible deniability, and all that. 😉

  239. I was trying to drink a cup of tea while watching that. I should have known better.

    You are, as always, wonderfully funny.

  240. All I know is that I got my bookplate today, and I am STOKED about it! Thanks, Bloggess!

    Excellent snortfest (and I mean that in a good way) on CNN–that anchor was way out of her league.

  241. Next time a republican calls my house asking for my vote, I am going to tell them that no, they cannot rely on my vote because of their shocking lack of a plan for the impending zombie apocalypse. I will also ask about their candidates view on the possible machine takeover and their contingency plan if the internet should become self-aware. I think I will be lucky if they don’t hangup on me, but then again that is what I am aiming for.

    You were so fabulous my head almost fell off!!!

  242. I picture that interviewer going into the booth after you were off the air and trying to choke her producer for never having read your blog. Because you know they didn’t. You should have flashed them a picture of Wil collating, while reading to them why you were showing the picture. That would have been the ONLY thing that would have make the interview better.

  243. Didn’t catch it live and was so pleased you posted a link to the video. Thank you.

    I too loved how the CNN interviewer (yeah, what’s her name? Clearly not as important as YOU) didn’t have a clue as to how to react to the Zombie Apocalypse.

    Seriously though, Thank you for pointing out “mommy issues” vs “parenting issues” and also for saying that “what women want” acts as though we all want the same things.

    Go you!!!

  244. U PEOPEL ALWAYZ THINK U KNO EVRYTHING ABOUT THE ZOMBIE APOCALISP! U WILL BE SORWY WHEN U & UR ZOMBIES ARE IN HELL!

  245. You are entertaining and fecking smart and I peed a little watching the interviewer’s face! Keep on doing what you’re doin’ cuz u sure as hell are hilarious! Your blog gives a woman living a life where she is willing to sign a waiver for someone to off her, a much needed laugh.

  246. I’m proud of you for doing the interview (Xanax or not). Pretty amazing. My favourite part was when you said ‘lady garden’–I’m sad they didn’t show us your interviewer’s face.

  247. It is sad when they don’t do their research, I am guessing that poor interviewer lost a bet because she had no idea who she was interviewing. That was spectacular and amazing. You hit the nail right on the head, there isn’t enough talk in politics about the impending zombie apocolypse. Jenny you totally rock and made my day, I can’t wait for my book to arrive so I can read it again.

  248. Jenny-
    Mom to Mom, you ROCKED that interview!
    So proud to be one of your fans. When are they going to have you back?
    I know you have a bad anxiety disorder, but it would be so nice if you had your own tv show.
    Never change, please never ever change!

  249. I’m thinking whomever proposed you for this got in deep shit for not doing their homework. rightly so. pretty impressed that you did say ‘crap’ AND lady garden on CNN.

  250. I am totally starting a campaign for CNN to have you on to help with the election night coverage. I am picturing you wearing Wolf Blitzer while standing next to Wolf Blitzer.

  251. It’s about time the politicians start taking the zombie apocalypse seriously. I think I’m going to write a letter to my congressman….maybe in gasoline on his front lawn. THEN they’ll know it’s serious.

    Plus I love you, you are awesome. That is all.

  252. LOVED IT and am sharing with my Newanderthal, who I think has the same opinion of you as Victor sometimes does.

    Someone mentioned a smart-alec poem about baby talk and I think they were talking about A TONVERSATION WITH BABY by Morris Bishop, which is hilarious in it’s own right.