UPDATED: The man deserves a damn medal

in no one thinks this is funny but me, Random Crap

UPDATED:  SEE BELOW…

Today is mine and Victor’s 16th anniversary, which is sort of insane. You might remember last year, when I declared 15 year anniversaries should be marked with unexpected giant metal chickens at the door.

This year I had to outdo Beyonce (the giant metal chicken, not the singer. I try not to compete with her) so I’ve been searching for something similarly unexpected to come knocking at the door.  I considered buying a giant metal egg because then when people asked “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” I could definitively say “The chicken” but it just didn’t seem BIG enough.  Then, after weeks of searching, I finally found the perfect thing.

Victor pretty much begged me to not get him anything because I think he was still trying to forgive me for last year, but then I finally convinced him that it was something awesome and so when the doorbell finally rang I screamed “OMG SHE’S HERE” and Victor was all “‘She?’ You got me a stripper?” and I glared at him because that’s the first place his head went, and then I went to answer the door and get his anniversary present.

"YOUR EYES DO NOT DECEIVE YOU. I GOT YOU A PET MOTHERFUCKING SLOTH."

 

Victor was speechless.

Probably because there was an unexpected sloth in the house.  People are hardly ever prepared for unexpected sloths in the house.

I tried to get Victor to hug the sloth and Victor said “no” and then he said some other things I can’t write here, and then he said I was going to get pee all over me, and I explained that A) these are the risks you take when you own a pet sloth and B) we were in luck because the delivery guy said he peed yesterday and they only pee once a week.  

BEST. PET. EVER.

Victor disagreed.  Vehemently.

Then I explained that getting a sloth hug could cure the most vicious of heartaches and then that sloth snuggled into my heart and made me feel awesome for the first time all day (because I was still sad that we had to put our ancient cat to sleep this week, not because I was sad it was our anniversary) and I may have gotten a bit teary, and that’s when Victor started to panic because he already knew that I had a Posey-shaped-hole in my life and that I was more than unbalanced enough to fill it with an unexpected sloth.

They should change "bear hug" to "sloth hug" because sloths give the very BEST animal hugs and you don't end up mutilated at the end of them.

Then Victor started to look a little sick and I admitted that the sloth was not his present because obviously I couldn’t be expected to keep up with a pet even lazier than me, because that’s like giving an alcoholic a bottle of bourbon for a pet.  Nothing good could come of this.  Victor was very relieved and even shakily petted Jilly-the-awesome-sloth until I told him that his real present was still outside.

Knock knock, motherfucker.

“I GOT YOU A BABY KANGAROO!” I may have screamed.  But I screamed it quietly and winsomely because I didn’t want to scare the sloth in my arms.

hop, hop, hop

 

Then the baby kangaroo jumped all over the house and Victor went into shock when it jumped into the house and ran right to the living room rug, and I was all “You know?  For boxing?”  And Victor was all “WTF?” and I explained that he’d mentioned wanted getting back into martial arts again and that I thought a kangaroo would make great sparring partner.  Then Victor just stared at me and I was all “You’ll have to teach him kung fu though” and then Victor just put his head in his hands because apparently he doesn’t have as much faith in his teaching skills as I do.

Then I finally broke down and explained that it wasn’t a real kangaroo and was only a wallaby, so it’ll stay that little forever and would probably be able to bring us drinks when we were thirsty, but only if we didn’t mind having the drinks splashed all over the house.

“We’ll have to invest in lids,” I explained.

Then Victor mumbled something about not feeling safe in his own house and I finally admitted that the un-kangaroo, Jilly-the-sloth, and the hedgehog hidden in my pocket were just on loan from the amazingly knowledgeable folks at Zoomagination, who were bad-ass enough to help me carry off this entire prank, and who taught me more about sloth pee than I ever would have expected.

Then we called Hailey over and she freaked out in the best possible way and screamed, “THERE IS A KANGAROO IN OUR LIVING ROOM ” and Victor and I both laughed at her glee and it was awesome.


And it was everything a 16th wedding anniversary should be.

At least in this house.

UPDATED:  It’ll probably get changed any second but this is a screenshot from wikipedia showing traditional 15th and 16th wedding gifts:

Awesome.

888 thoughts on “UPDATED: The man deserves a damn medal”

Read comments below or add one.

  4. Oh, man. That is better than the best thing ever. I wish I lived next door to you. Then I would see people delivering a sloth and a wallaby to your house, and I’d come play with them! (In my fantasy, I’m staring out the window at you like Mrs. Kravitz. “Abner, they’ve got a sloth next door, Abner!”)

  8. OMG, I totally want, no, NEED to do this to my husband and kids. God knows, given we have eleventy-billion kids (ahem, seven), he’d probably not even realize the extra animals, he’d just wonder if I skipped a haircut or two on a couple of ’em. LOL!

    Happy Anniversary, you crazy kids, you!

  10. That’s wonderful, Jenny. I’m glad you got some sloth hugs to ease that Posey-sized hole in your heart, even temporarily. Happy Anniversary to you both!

  12. BEST MOTHEREFFING PRANK EVER. OH MY GOD. I’M DOING THIS TO MY PARENTS FOR THEIR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

    ALL THE ALL CAPS COMMENTS.

  13. So beyond awesome. How can you ever top a baby kangaroo/wallaby and a sloth? You can’t. Oh wait, you could recreate your entire wedding party in taxidermied animals.

  14. This is basically the best way you could have done this. The only question, I suppose, is what you’ll do next year …

    But thanks, I needed that.

  15. DonT keep the hedgehog! They get in your walls and then you end up punching multiple holes to coax them out….. Just trust me o. This one!

  18. Can I be the third person in your marriage? I’m just kidding. Kind of.

    Adopt me? I’m easier than a wallaby!

  19. This? Is fucking awesome.

    Happy anniversary, Victor & Jenny! (And Jilly and the wallaby and apparently a hedgehog in your pocket.)

  22. That is awesome! Happy anniversary! Sounds like you had an amazing time! 🙂

  23. Jenny you are the awesomest person ever. Enjoy your sloth and kangaroo/wallabe!! And happy anniversary!!

  26. If my husband doesn’t do this exact same thing for me on our anniversary, I’m getting a divorce.

  28. OMG! I’m crying from laughing so very hard. Victor deserves a medal, a 21 gun salute and (if its your belief) assurance of his place in heaven after this. I think martyr should now be spelled “Victor”

    And props to the people who helped you out. That was the best prank EVER!

  32. I love that you can still take ‘reaction-shots’ even while cuddling a sloth. That is some extreme multi-tasking.
    I really want a sloth. Or maybe just a hug from a sloth. Actually, maybe just hug…

  35. I’m so glad that your broken heart could enjoy a nice break! Now, I need you to find a way to get me that sloth because my sister and I are obsessed with all sloths and want to go to Costa Rica to the sloth rescue and live happily forever, covered in sloths and their once-weekly urine output. You should also research online about how they pee. They have to come down to the ground and get all serious and still and do their business. It takes like half a damn hour, but it’s hilarious to watch their little faces cloud over.

  36. You. Define. AWESOME!!!!!!! Your husband may try to forget this day, but your daughter will cherish it forever!!!

  38. Firstly, Happy Anniversary!!

    Secondly, my husband should be very, very, very worried, as this is giving me all sorts of ideas of what to do when our next anniversary rolls around. I may not go the sloth, wallaby, hedgehog route, but I can seriously see some hijinks of a major caliber going down. You have inspired me, Jenny Lawson! When, after all is said and done, he questions my sanity, and why I felt it necessary to celebrate our 10th anniversary with mini pigs, ponies, and a monkey (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) I will merely point him here.

  40. OMG you have done the unspeakable!

    You beat Beyonce to death with Sloth pee.

    Happy Anniversary!! can’t wait to see what next year’s brings x

  43. This is the BEST! Especially Hailey’s reaction. So now I know – 16th anniversary is sloth. And non-kangaroos. And pocket hedgehogs. We had our 16th anniversary in May, but we couldn’t go out and celebrate because Princess was sick and we had to cancel the sitter. So . . . now I know what our make-up celebration will be! Trip to the ZOO!!!!

    Love it!

    And hugs to you. I know it’s hard. I still grieve over my 19 year old kitty’s passing 2009. She was my college roommate. Sigh. I miss her. But I’m sure that she and Posey are galavanting around in kitty heaven!

  46. “and I glared at him because that’s the first place his head went”

    To be completely fair to him, he DOES know you…

  48. Glad the sloth didn’t pee, but I did reading this! You are awesome!

  49. That is the best anniversary present ever. I might have to do that to my husband. I think he already half expects to come home to a zoo one day.

  51. I hope Victor isn’t as good at pranks as you are; if he is, watch your back for the rest of the day. Happy Anniversary!

  52. Nothing will ever outdo that picture of his face! 🙂
    Happy Anniversary to the coolest, most patient couple ever. <3

  53. Have I mentioned lately how much I adore you (and not in a creepy stalker way)? Your sense of humor is infectious and I love how your brain works. Happy Anniversary!!

  54. So for your anniversary you got the Interwebs so many laughs we can’t breathe?

    Could not love you and your blogging anymore!! Happy Anniversary!

  58. I am truly impressed. You should do surprise planning for a living. Although you are already really good at writing and being awesome, so maybe that would just be overwhelming. Hoping you are feeling a wee bit happier today <3

  59. Fucking amazing. I’m dying a million deaths here for you guys. Congrats.

  60. This made me ridiculously happy. Truly. Happy Anniversary, you crazy kids!

  64. Have I mentioned lately how much I adore you (and not in a creepy stalker way)? Your sense of humor is infectious and I love the way your brain works. Happy Anniversary!

  65. Happy anniversary. Did he ever receive a present that was an actual present, not a non-present? (As in, no, none of these are your gift and THAT’S your gift.)

    Excellent prank. Truly excellent. And excellent gift for your daughter.

  67. Having a hard time trying to figure out what’s cuter: the look on Hailey’s face or you hugging Jilly.

  68. Just when I think I could not love you and your family any more than I already do, you post yet another story that makes me weep and laugh with joy.

  70. What an awesome anniversary! Happy Anniversary to you and Victor!

  72. Oh….my God! What an AWESOME anniversary pran– present!
    You guys are amazing! I hope your anniversary is wonderful, Jenny!

  73. Excellent! This world needs more people like you. Oh, and more Victors to balance the scales. Happy Anniversary.

  74. Happy Anniversary! (My grandparents were married on this day, too! It’s a great day to give up one’s independence, eh?) I am so glad this was a prank, because, well, the marriage might not have made it to year 17…

  75. This is just so fucking awesome and hilarious. I think you have outdone yourself.

    I’m not sure which facial expression is best: your smile as you experience euphoria while snuggling with a sloth in your arms, your husband’s dismay at the whole fucking scene (brings new meaning to the saying “Our house is a zoo”) or your daughter’s sheer glee and a kangaroo in your living room.

    You know you’ve just fucked over a whole bunch of couples, as one spouse or another is now going to say, in an annoyed tone, “You’ve never surprised me with wild animals before on our anniversary.”

    Sure beats my, Happy 4th, I was able to finally cut a big giant watermelon post, and kept all twenty fingers (mine and my sons, as we attempted to make a dessert….together). 🙂

    Enjoy the wild animals!

    Kathleen
    http://www.kathleenfordyce.com/

  76. You are the absolute best thing about the Internet. No contest.
    Happy Anniversary to you both. <3

  77. Spectacular. Truly. Such happy happy memories you just made for your poor suffering husband AND your dear child. 🙂

  79. OMG! Best Anniversary EVAR!! My huz came over wanting to see what i was laughing at.. he asked “is that a baby kangaroo?” i said “yes, it is.. what else would you expect from Jenny’s blog.” he was all like “ok, all you had to say was it was her blog” like that right there explains everything in your wonderful universe 😀

    Happy Anniversary..those pics are priceless. thanks for sharing your pranks of love with all of us!

  81. That right there is a whole new level of awesome.

    Also, I totally want an almost-no-pee-sloth!! Particularly after somebody peed on my bathroom floor last night (hopefully one of the dogs…somehow it’s less gross to clean up dog pee than husband pee).

  82. Second attempt, last time I tried to comment a sloth ate it.

    Right now Kristen Bell is threatening to cut you with a hang nail. Happy Anniversary to you and Victor.

  83. I did not think it would be possible to top Beyonce, but you did. I just tweeted you that you must get this to Kristen Bell, as she is a huge fan…of slothes! 😉 Happy Anniversary!

  84. If ever there was a perfect day to get sloth hugs it is today. Happy that y’all are having fun.

    Now you can say “At least it isn’t Sloths.”

  85. Awesome.

    My best friend actually got a sloth once. Two, actually. Her then boyfriend got them for her after she mistakenly pointed out that they were “cute” at the zoo. Unfortunately, it takes a bit of time to acquire a pair of sloth. And the relationship had already ended by the time the sloths showed up at her house. She had to build an enclosure in the garage and keep them for a few weeks until she could find a zoo to take them. Sloths smell in real life a lot more pungently than they do on TV or even at the zoo.

  86. My husband wishes you would stop doing these amazingly creative (my words, not his. His were “insanely out-of-left-field” things, and then blogging about them. It’s giving me ideas. ^_^ *grins*

    I love the way your mind works.

  87. Victor is the luckiest man ever! He may not realize it at times, but he really is.

  88. Too. Fucking. Awesome. I have already demanded that my husband buy me (ok, fine, I’ll make do with “renting”) a sloth and baby kangaroo for our next anniversary. His reply was very Victor-ish (basically saying “ummm, no.”).

  89. That has to be the truest definition of Sloth ever: When you can only be bothered to get up and pee once a week. Happy Anniversary, you two!!!

  90. Yep. That picture of Victor with his WTF face tops Beyonce. But Hailey’s photo and reaction is really awesome.
    Happy anniversary!

  92. And what the hell will you do NEXT year?! You’re setting the bar a little high, aren’t you?

  93. Can I love both this anniversary and last year’s anniversary posts?
    This year’s made me all warm and fuzzy inside (and I’m positive it wasn’t because of the mouldy cheese I just ate), but last year’s made me laugh so hard, I cried.
    Happy Anniversary, darlin’ and Mr. Bloggess! xoxo

  95. I just finished reading your book and loved it!! The conversations between Victor and you are hilarious. Happ Anniversary to you both!

  99. OMG, I almost wet myself with glee seeing this post, but then I realized I am a grown woman and cannot pee myself since only babies do that and only sloths do it once a week. However: Baby wallabies and baby sloths?! I fucking die of cuteness overload. Happy Anniversary to you and your tough-as-nails hubby!!

  100. This is so awesome!! How long do you get to keep them? It doesn’t matter, though, because it’s already awesome!!

  101. I just commented and then when I tried to post my computer got all shitty on me. I wonder if it actually posted. either way, you made me go from crying out of a shitty morning to crying from laughter at Victor’s face… thank you.

  102. I read this out loud to Preacher and he walked over to see the photos and said “OMG IT IS A WALLABY!” before we even got to the wallaby punchline. I told him he ruins everything and this is why I don’t get him sloths or hedgehogs. He said I was an epic failure for never bringing a wallaby home. He. Wants. The. Wallaby.

    Happy Anniversary!

  106. Hailey’s photo is pretty freaking epic too. I just have to say. And I had hubby sit down to read this cause he was looking at me like I am SERIOUSLY psycho and not just my normal psycho. All he could say was that that sloth was UGLY. BOO ON HIM! That sloth is one of the cutest damn things I’ve ever seen… and now I’m aching for a sloth hug. Guess my two crazy little beagles will have to do instead.

  107. Happy anniversary! This is the best prank ever – especially suited for your personality! Your husband’s look made me laugh the most. Of course he believed that you actually purchased these animals rather than just borrowing them, because you’re that kind of awesome.

    I thought you got a puppy, when looking at the thumbnail picture on your facebook link.
    I thought “oh, how cute – a new puppy to mend her broken heart” but then I came here, and went OMG. WTF?
    I would never, ever hold a sloth or any other wild animal in my arms – I’m afraid of all animals other than cats and dogs – but you look so happy holding that sloth, I am very happy for you! and your daughter’s reaction is priceless.

    thank you for sharing this great story with us!

  108. You are so fucking rad. I wish the whole thing had been on video because… HEY THIS IS CRAZY WE GOT MARRIED, SO HERE’S SOME WILDLIFE, CAN WE KEEP THEM MAYBE?

  111. Well, now I can never get married again. How will I ever top these totally insane, totally awesome anniversaries??!! Heck, even birthdays and Halloween will pale in comparison to this one. Thanks a lot BLOGGESS!!

  115. Awwwe, happy anniversary Jenny & Victor! Well played prank, and the delight on Hailey’s face, priceless. Many more happy, spontaneously wonderful years to come!

  118. Oh my gosh! You are absolutely the coolest person ever! I would love that for an anniversary!
    Victor and Hailey’s faces are both absolutely priceless! 🙂
    Happy Anniversary!!! 😀

  119. OMG. You’re right. Best wedding anniversary. Ever. Happy Anniversary, you two! (And the sloth hug pics are so freakin’ awesome.)

  120. This was exactly the kind of happy I needed today. Happy Anniversary!

  121. I couldn’t possibly love you more. This is the best thing I’ve read all WEEK!

    Happy Anniversary! 😀

  123. Thanks for the laugh with my morning coffee! I think I will invest in some sloth hugs in the future cause you look so delighted with that lazy thing in your arms. Perfect!

  124. Seriously, your 17th anniversary is going to be impossible to top, but its going to be SO MUCH FUN trying.
    Maybe a barrel of monkeys?
    XO your amazing.

  125. A sloth! I am so outrageously jealous right now. Have to say Victor is an odd man – who on earth wouldn’t want their very own pet sloth? Happy anniversary.

  126. I’m coming to live with you. You don’t mind, right? Your house must be so much fun! All I have are 6 cats, 2 dogs and a bunch of fish that like to play dead.

    Happy Anniversary!

  128. Totally awesome! I would LOVE to get an anniversary present like that! Which makes me insane probably. If insane means totally bad ass awesome. Ironically we were just discussing Beyonce with a friend last night who hadn’t read the story. Now I have 2 awesome posts to share with her!

  131. Am I the only one who wondered where in the hell you’d gotten a fully-articulated taxidermied sloth? I was both relieved and a teensie bit disappointed that this one is still on the mortal coil, because a fully-articulated taxidermied sloth would be awesome!

  132. Best. Anniversary. Ever. My husband would have killed me if I pulled something like that. Which would have been totally worth it.

  134. I LOVE YOU!!! This is the exact reason why I come to your site on a daily basis just to see what amazeballs stuff you have come up with for your family to enjoy!

    I am positive at this point that Victor loves you beyond his own understanding and Hailey will have the best stories to put in her book, “Yeah it happened even though Mom pretends it didn’t”

  137. I’m making my husband read this so he’ll stop bitching about the pet parakeets I bought last time he was out of town. Thank you for giving him perspective.

  138. This is awesome! I wish one day I could be cool like this & pull this caliber of a prank on my hubs! Happy Anniversary!

  139. I’m going to have to search all of your anniversary posts because when our first comes up, Kelly needs to be shocked out of his shorts. You know how to do that, clearly.

  140. This post literally made me squeal out loud with glee. Also, the second picture of you with the sloth is the cutest damn picture ever. Just sayin’.

  141. I am laughing hysterically. And unlike a sloth, menopausal women pee more than once a week. I must now go and invest in depends. Thank you for totally rocking my day!

    May you ALL have many amazing years in front of you.

    Edie

  142. This is absolutely amazing. And I’m aching inside from laughing so hard at Victor’s reactions. And I’m crying a little bit because now I really want a sloth to hug.

    I bet if we all had hugs from sloths once a week, our worlds would be a little happier. I say dr’s start using sloth hugs as ways to cure depression/anxiety problems. I know it would make me feel so much better.

    I have to say though, Hailey at the end brought it all together. That is just a wonderful response!!

    Happy Anniversary Jenny!

  144. I already said it on facebook but, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! You two are way too cute of an odd ball couple. My SO and I aspire to be as close as you are. Ok, we already are, but not as odd. Ok, maybe we are, but we’re not as good at it. And we don’t have the money to be so whimsy! Some day. Some day. Anyway, HAPPY 16th!!!

  145. Holy cannoli! I didn’t think it could be done but this really might outdo Beyonce. I stand in awe…. and now I want a sloth. I just have to make sure MPH (My Poor Husband) doesn’t see this before I find one and hide it somewhere in the house… like on me… and try to convince him it’s an anamatronic accessory!

  146. This is so great..so , so great. I have always responded to the ..”what animal would you be?” question..with GIANT SLOTH of course!! No predators.. no predatating..hanging out in the trees… sleeping all the time..RIGHT??? I used to add that the only downside was pee running down my neck but NOW??? I know better…NO DOWNSIDE.

    My sympathies on the loss of Posie….losing our pets is so difficult…I miss every one of mine still…You gave her a great life..take comfort there.

  147. You are absolutely awesome! What a great idea! And you look so sweet with that sloth in your arms. I’m glad you found something to lift your spirits!

  148. Today is my birthday and laughed so hard that I wept while reading this to my kids. THANK YOU FOR SUCH A GREAT BIRTHDAY MORNING SURPRISE! I freaked out when I thought you actually got a sloth and screamed “SO JEALOUS!!!” Sloths are so adorable. This story has to go into your NEXT book. So sorry about Posey but what a wonderful anniversary. LOVE YOU!

  151. What a FANTASTIC idea! That sloth looks like she is giving you a fabulous hug! Great idea and great prank!

  153. Just remember….. A hug is a strangle you haven’t finished yet. Just saying’…..

  155. “Knock knock, motherfucker” makes me laugh every.single.time.

    Wallaby knock knock – even better.

  156. Brilliant! Happy Anniversary! I’m so glad to finally see a picture of Victor, and very happy to see a smile on your face today!

  158. Sloths! I love sloths! I have a picture of me cuddling a sloth but I need more sloths in my life! This is awesome!

  159. I am laughing with tears rolling down my eyes! What a great prank and your daughter will never, ever forget this. Happy Anniversary!

  160. And see, now you can bring home three kittens and he’ll be like “yay, fine.”

  166. Victor must have the world’s strongest heart because he hasn’t died from shock yet.

    Living in your house must be so fun – unless a person shares Victor’s temperament. 😉

  168. Oh, Jenny. Those pictures of Victor and Hailey? Priceless. Beyonce is probably jealous beyond words: both the giant metal picture AND the singer.

  169. My husband would have peed himself in glee had I gotten him a sloth or a wallaby. I think he’d be getting up every morning at 5am to play with them and he’d cry when he had to go to work, but when he got home they’d be best pals and all would be well.

    Please let my husband not see this blog. Our cat wouldn’t appreciate either of these things.

  171. The look on your daughter’s face… priceless. Victor? Looks terrified. Probably best anniversary prank ever. I wish my husband had a sense of humor !

  172. Seriously best EVER anniversary gifts/prank. I would give nearly anything for a sloth-hug, so may leave my laptop open to this page, hoping the hubs stops by, notices, gets the hint. Chances of that happening? Nil. But you never know…
    XO

  173. 😀 I would love it if my husband ever came up with something this creative and fun to celebrate our anniversary! You are some-kinda-awesome, Jenny. Sorry to hear about Posey.

    I totally want a sloth hug now.

  176. You are so incredibly awesome! Victor is a lucky guy. Happy anniversary you two!

  181. So when you told Victor that these gifts were only loaners, he was both relieved and grateful that he wasn’t getting an anniversary present? Brilliant financial plan!

  182. That is epic! Granted, I personally take pranks about as well as Victor, but that’s pretty amazing.

    Well played, madam.

  184. Happy Anniversary!! This is the best prank I’ve heard of and it’s giving my friends and I all sorts of ideas. *raises my cocktail to you*

  186. I am so sorry about your cat. I’m so glad you found a sloth to temporarily bring you happiness 🙂 Also, Kristin Bell needs to see this post, because that girl is obsessed with sloths!

    p.s. Does Victor have a PTSD support group in the area?

  188. MOST AWESOME THING EVER!!! Wish I would have thought of it. I just celebrated my 17th anniversary in Feb. As always, you ROCK!

  189. YOU ARE MY MOTHER-FUCKING HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should have stamps and coins and statues in your honor!!

  190. So sorry about Posey, he seemed like a good little Golum/Cat, very sad. I hope he found peace, and his precious.

    Also, NUH-MOTHERFUCKING-UH!!! I am now officially living my life by WWJD; WHAT WOULD JENNY DO? My for realsies end goal in life is to have a bunch of land with Zeedonks, Wallabys, Nigerian Pygmy Goats, Peacocks, and now I NEEEED more than anything an unexpected sloth in my imaginary menagerie! You are living my dreams, and while slightly envious, I love you more today than I ever have…

    I did just acquire a JagUar, but it’s the auto variety, not feline.

  192. I’m reading your book & read the chapter about you getting married less than half an hour ago, so reading about your awesome anniversary prank is kind of extra surreal. Of course, that could be the heat melting my brain (man I dislike the Summer). Enjoy the rest of your anniversary & The Forth of July.

  193. This was a great, fun prank. Love your daughter’s face. For next year: you know they’ve come a long way with animatronics, right? Shouldn’t be that hard to find a robot velociraptor and have it set up on your doorstep. You can tell your husband, “go look outside!”

    And when he does, the raptor will scream and lunge for him, but stop just short of his throat. Then your pre-recorded voice could say, “Surprise! Happy Anniversary! I got you a dinosaur!”

    On another note, what with cloning sheep and whatnot, you’d think we’d have cloned dinosaurs by now. Should look into that, the lessons of Jurassic Park notwithstanding.

  194. i am adding you to my list of blogs to read. omg is right!

  196. Oh my god. That is the best thing you’ve ever done! I mean. . . that I’ve read. Maybe you’ve done better things, but if you have. . . holy hell, how high is the bar for the rest of us weirdos???

  197. Happy Anniversary!

    You have awesome taste in gifts. Will you pick out my birthday presents from now on, cause my family sucks at it.

    Nothing like a sloth hug to make some of the heart hurt go away.

  199. Oh gal…LOVE it! Kudos for “borrowing” the animals instead of buying. Who wants to clean up wallaby turds on her anniversary?

    Oh…also…Happy Anniversary! Does Victor have an also-unflappable single brother? 🙂

  200. Happy anniversary!! I love the sloth gift, and the un-kangaroo and Hailey’s face is priceless. Your next book must be a marriage how-to guide!! I’m officially demanding it!

  201. Omg, that is the absolute best!!! Can I pretty please come live at your house???

    I am so sorry to hear about Posey. I got very teary eyed reading that he is no longer with us. He was a total star!!!!

  202. Best 16th anniversary presents ever! I only have 6 years to wait for my sloth!

  204. Happy motherfvcking anniversary, Jenny & Victor. Sloths, not-roos and hedgehogs, INDEED.

  206. OH! I forgot that I was also gonna say that I never realized that the 16th anniversary was sloth!!

  207. That is so many colors of awesome. LOVE.

    Also, when did ‘amazeballs’ become a thing? Because two of your comments IN A ROW say this word. I need to be on top of all the hip stuff so I can spaz my kids out. Of course, I will NEVER be so hip that I get a sloth, a kangaroo and a hedgehog to come over for an anniversary party. (And somehow that last part sounds like it would be the beginning to a really dirty joke, but I’m just not able to pull it all together.)

  208. I am dying right now. Victor’s face is priceless, as is your daughter’s, although in an entirely different way. So great!

  209. I actually just cried because I was so mad at you!! I have the biggest obsession and love for sloths and I was so upset to see you hugging one because it’s my dream. I’m so jealous lady. I still love you though because your blog is awesome and brightens my days.

    Even if you do get to hug a sloth and I don’t.

  210. I am laughing my ass off right now. You guys are awesome!

    Happy anniversary to you and Victor!

  213. Your husband’s expression is hysterical and your daughter’s picture just made me grin. You give the most awesome presents!

  214. OMG! BEST Anniversary story EVER! EV-ER!!! There’s no way you can top this next year. You are so friggin’ FABULOUS Jenny! Thanks for rocking our world. Hope you have a wonderful anniversary. : )

  215. Happy Anniversary Jenny and Victor! Thank you for this post and the laugh out loud belly laugh! So glad I’m not at work today…peeing in my chair at home is much preferable than peeing in my desk chair at work. Just when I think you cannot be more amazing, you go and wh0op me up side the head with a SLOTH! Epic!

  216. You have just opened my eyes to the possibilities that this year’s 21st-iversary will bring for my husband. It may be our last, but I will go out with style!

    Happy anniversary!!!

  218. Oh my goodness, when I saw the first picture I wasn’t sure if it was real, but then the second picture (with the head in a different position let me know it was) and I yelled out, “holy s#%@, she really got a f!$^&%*( sloth.” That is so awesome that you got to experience those in your home for a while; every time I see them on TV I want one but know that it would probably not be a good idea because I am not sure our other pets would take very well to me constantly hugging a sloth because I don’t think I would ever be able to put it down.

  219. Happy Anniversary!!

    This has been an intense couple days for you!! Sadness and laughter, stress, and danger. I hope today is pretty much just filled with hugs and happy.

  220. Definitely the best kind of anniversary gift I can think of! Who doesn’t want to hug a sloth? They are so adorable and slow and naturally hug you. I don’t know how Victor was so skeptical of the idea.

  221. Happy anniversary to you and Victor! You are truly one epically awesome person. Victor and Hailey are extremely lucky to have you. 😀

  222. Happy anniversary! I surprised how unhappy he was, I’ve been saying I want my house invaded by exotic species forever. Except, I also want said house to be invaded by animal keepers as well. Maybe you should have just “given” him the zoo? Less stressful for him since you could point out he wouldn’t have to actually take care of the animals.

  223. So um… yeah, I guess you forgot my birthday back in May. It’s cool, I don’t mind that I didn’t get a zoo…. or at least a hedgehog in my pocket…. I guess you didn’t know that we’re best friends now cause I said so. You owe me a zoo. I’ll be waiting for the ring of the doorbell 😉

  225. Oh. My. God. I was laughing so hard, tears were flowing! I absolutely LOVE this prank! If I could pull that on my kiddo? I totally would. But, she is such an animal freak, she wouldn’t let them leave.

    Kudo’s to you!

    Happy Anniversary!

  226. Outstanding. The sloth hug pic is the most heartwarming thing I have ever seen. And I’m sure you scared Victor out of a year’s growth. BONUS!

  227. Oh, I’m so glad you had some extra furry hugs to warm your heart today! Happy anniversary, and may we all strive to be half as creative as you!

  228. Happy Anniversary! What an awesome wife you are, obviously you got Victor Halley’s reaction to the kangaroo in the living room as a present. Obviously Victor is an awesome husband for not just packing up and leaving when the sloth arrived.

    I’m sorry for your loss. We recently lost our 19 year old cat and I know it’s not easy.

  230. I checked out Zoomagination’s website. Victor should just be happy you didn’t go with the boa, tarantula or Madagascar Hissing Cockroach!

    What on earth are you going to do next year to top this? He should be afraid. Very afraid!

  231. You are definitely your father’s daughter! (That’s meant to be a compliment.)

    Happy Anniversary!

  232. What an awesome anniversary gift, even if it was a prank. I want a wallaby and a sloth for some sloth hugs.
    Happy Anniversary!

  233. Why can’t I come up with such awesome ideas? I need to hire you. My 20th anniversary is in two months… 😀 (…and I’m very sorry to hear about Posey. BTDT, wore out the t-shirt *hugs*)

  234. Tervis makes cups with lids. AKA “grown up sippy cups.” AND you can personalize them now (but the Tervis people have to approve the design so watch your damn mouth.) You’re welcome.

    Happy 16th anniversary! What a great gift!!

  235. Happy Anniversary to you and Victor! It is mine and Superhubby’s anniversary as well, wish I was clever enough to pull off this prank! Victors reaction is priceless! Enjoy your stories immensely, hope you enjoy your day!

  236. You are too amazingly awesome!! Your husband is so lucky to have a wife who would go to so much effort to make an unforgettable anniversary. I need to go wipe these laughter-tears from my eyes now and try to figure out how you will top yourself next year (can’t wait to see!)

  237. the greatest and best thing I’ve ever seen.

    You know what else? when I finished your book I held it to my chest and rocked back and forth with so much sadness that it was over. I was depressed. Then a still small voice reminded me of your blog and I wasn’t sad any more.

    I was still depressed, but that’s because my psychiatrist is an asshole.

  238. Jilly-the-sloth and I share a name! My name’s missing the “the-sloth” part and people usually call me “Jill” or “Jillian.” But I am still very proud to have anything in common with such a huggably glorious creature.

  239. Well, damn, Jenny. I thought Beyonce would have been hard to top, but you pulled it off… you crazy (in a good way), awesome woman 🙂

  240. I just peer a little… then I promptly said to Eddie “Our 11 yr anniversary is coming up. People in Texas celebrate that with llamas and Platypus.”

    So if he contacts you, I’ll need you to be a voucher.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  242. I would like to move in with you…I can cook (not well, but sort of), and I would have to bring my 3 year old daughter with me. I could probably have my husband stay elsewhere and we could visit him every once in a while. Your life (and blog) are hilarious and so. much. fun! Thanks for making me laugh out loud after a bad night!

  243. My husband said that those were two very badass presents and Victor is a very lucky man! He is jealous 😉 Happy Anniversary you two!

  244. Best. Present. EVER. My daughter woke out of a deep sleep to see if I was laughing or crying when I read this. We want you to come live with us.

  245. I absolutely love the idea of pranking your husband for your anniversary!! Happy 16th anniversary!!

  246. I have never wanted to be married to you more than I do today. I could live to be 200 and no one would ever bring me a sloth and a baby kangaroo.

    (Remember that ‘Friends’ episode where Joey tried to use a thesaurus to make his letter to the adoption agency sound even better and he ended up signing it Baby Kangaroo Tribiani?)

  248. This post makes my heart happy!! Yay for anniversaries and healing wounds with animal love! I hope you all got some good snuggles in and I kinda wish I had been there to play too, b/c having a house filled with Jenny, Victor, & exotic animals sounds like good times!! Happy anniversary, you two! 🙂

  249. Oh. Em. Gee. That is awesome on so many levels.

    I used to work at a zoo. I took care of two two-toed tree sloths, along with a variety of other critters. They were awesome. No wallabies, though. Good thing too. They’d probably get tired of me talking to them in the worst Australian accent ever.

  250. Happy Anniversary! This is the second BEST anniversary gift ever. (The first is Beyonce – there really is no way to top that shit!) So jealous of the sloth hugs.

  252. I feel like a dick now. All I got for my husband on our 20th anniversary last week was NOT a divorce. Thanks.

    That is awesome though.

  253. Happy Anniversary! That was an awesome prank. And Hailey is so much like you in her love for animals. My kids would have thought they were stuffed and then freaked out when they moved.

  254. Sloth hugs looks AWESOME! Great prank! Happy Anniversary!

    When should we petition the Vatican to make Victor a saint?

  255. Love it! I needed that laugh this morning. And Victor is totally lucky to have someone to play such awesome pranks on him! I do think perhaps you should have bought some towels as a back up gift, though.

  257. ::: slow clap ::: Only YOU could have come up with a gift that amazing.

  258. The only problem I have with this post is that, given your love of all things taxidermied, it’s difficult to tell if the sloth and wallaby are alive. You know, because of the lack of video. It doesn’t seem fair for you to make me read on your anniversary.

  259. Happy Anniversary! Life at your house must never be boring. My favorite part is the amazing picture of Hailey. She will grow up able to cope with even the most unexpected circumstances.

  260. Happy Anniversary! Nothing like that has ever happened in my house, and probably never will – or who knows, maybe it will. Glad to see you having some laughs! Enjoy your holiday!

  262. I thought the metal chicken was great but you have outdone yourself! Unbelievable!

  263. According to my wife, I am the sloth input house. I think she jumped to that conclusion, which sort of makes her a kangaroo. Ok. That was a fail. Happy anniversary anyway!

  268. OMG! This is so COOL! I would have LOVED to have seen the look on his face. I am STILL laughing. You so ROCK! Thank you for a much needed laugh!

  269. Next year maybe Christmas in July, Motherfucker! Yes, of course a musical, featuring the 12 days of Christmas with hired talent in plush suits ringing your doorbell. It culminates with carolers singing “Knock Knock Motherfucker” to the tune of Here comes Santa Claus.

    But sloths are way cuter.

  270. First of all, Happy Anniversary. Secondly, You are amazing! Not only did you scare the shit out of your husband on your anniversary, but you gave me the biggest fucking laugh I’ve had all year. Victor and Hailey are so lucky.

  273. You are of the awesomesauce. You need to join us at our Whedon Studies conference in Vancouver next week!

  274. As great as that pic of Victor is, the pic of Hailey is even better. I love it. You totally win at anniversary gifts/pranks.

  276. The picture of Victor is excellent, but the picture of Hailey is priceless. You are an amazing soul Jenny and totally know how to celebrate an anniversary! Knock, Knock Motherfucker…indeed.

  280. Well done, Jenny! I’m already the sloth in my house, but the real one kicks ass! Hmmm…My 10th anniversary is coming up.

    P.S. LOVED your book!

  281. “I tried to get Victor to hug the sloth and Victor said ‘no’ and then he said some other things I can’t write here, and then he said I was going to get pee all over me…”

    Jenny. You’ve spent sixteen years with a man who threate… oh, SLOTH pee. Carry on.

  282. My Steve (z”l) and your Victor would have had a lot to talk about. They would’ve been fast friends.

    Our anniversary would’ve been Monday….35 years….so you and Victor are still newbies! Happy, happy anniversary and many happy returns of the day for you, Victor, and even for Hailey. Keep the laughter rolling; it’s always the best medicine.

    Hugs to you all from the tundra!

  284. YOU have to be the most amazing and funny person EVER!!!! This one just takes the cake. I was reading it at work and literally BURST out laughing. I laughed so hard I cried (literally, tears streaming down my cheeks). Co-workers thought I was nuts until I relayed the short version and asked for the link (which I gladly shared).

    Thanks so much for being THE BLOGGESS – YOU ROCK!!!

    Tammy – St. John’s, Newfoundland, CANADA

  286. That is the best anniversary present ever!! I would have loved to hold a sloth and had a kangaroo jumping around the house. I do think my husband may have had the same reaction as Victor though!

  287. Happy Anniversary Jenny & Victor!

    Yesterday I was sad about Posey and today I am laughing about Sloths, Wallabys and Pocket Hedgies! Thank you SO much for sharing your life with us! My POSSLQ says that he bets that picture of Victor’s face is probably a reflection of how Victor looks on the regular. At least Victor can never claim that his life is dull!

    Kudos on the 1st 16 years and hoping that the next 16 (and all the rest) are amazing, as well!

  288. Marvelous! Happy Anniversary to you both. And thank you for the awesome day-brightener…you rock!!

  289. That is AWESOME!!! Best Anniversary ever!

    Happy Anniversary, Jenny! You rock! (I have officially used all my exclamation points for the entire month of July.)

  290. Best. Blog. Ever! My sweet 16th anniversary is the 6th (Friday), cannot imagine pulling this off but would love to fuck with the Hubster!hehe

  291. Our family lost our cat Joe this week, so when you talked about sloth hugs I wanted one 🙂 Kudos on the prank and the story, I haven’t laughed so hard since Beyonce showed up at the door and I searched Texas for a metal chicken of my own!

  292. Happy Anniversary to you guys,it happens to be our anniversary as well.18 years today.Oh and the birthday of our girls Yellow labs.They are 10 today…Have a great day….

  293. That was way awesome and so much better than when I got a new dog when my hubby went on vacation and then was pissed at me for like 2 weeks!

  294. OMG I never laughed so hard in all my life! Your husband’s face is PRICELESS!

    Girl, you are an amazing woman! Wishing you many many many more HAPPY ANNIVERSARIES!

    Your Anniversary made my day!

  295. One of our local pet stores breeds and sells sloths. They were on Anderson Cooper. Apparently he has a thing for sloths. Amazing prank! Happy Anniversary!

  296. My husband would never do this because he’d know I’d want to keep all the animals and would be heartbroken when they had to leave.

    Happy Anniversary, Jenny and Victor! He might deserve a medal, but I’d argue he’s damn lucky, too!

  297. So much awesomeness in this post I can’t stop smiling…the glee on your face mid sloth hug is happy making but Hailey’s face is the look we would all love to give our kids at least once or hopefully twice in their life. Hilariously done and many more happy anniversaries to come

  298. Oh, love. Just love love love.

    Also, happy anniversary!! So elated you’re able to have a fun day, after the earlier sadness.

  299. hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha.
    that’s really all i can say. awesomeness.

  303. I’m glad I know you well enough know to not only swallow my drink, but put my glass down before I scrolled down to the picture of you holding Jilly. You have the best anniversaries ever! And I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to decide which is my favorite photo of all time, Victor’s befuddlement/horror/shock or Hailey’s pure joy!

    Oh, how I wish I could hug a sloth!

  305. I loved this!!! Although, you have set the bar far too high for me. What began as a semi-joking conversation during our long distance relationship about getting a sloth (and what his or her responsibilities would be during the zombie apocalypse), I decided the perfect Valentine’s Day present for my boyfriend would be to adopt a sloth. I did one of the honorary adopt a sloth programs and he received a picture of his own sloth, who he named Envy, and an adoption certificate. You cannot imagine the shriek that I let out when I saw you holding a sloth for Victor’s anniversary gift. I love you and my boyfriend loves you, too.

  306. This was almost, I say almost ( a millimeter or less ) as good a post as the Beyonce’ affair. You crack me up.

  307. Happy Anniversary! I don’t want to encourage a love affair with the sloth, but you do look radiant in those photos.

  310. Victor should be happy you didn’t get the tarantula and hissing cockroach. As ever, Hailey is adorable. Well done, you.

  311. I share these with my husband, who is somewhat victor-esque in responding about the things you do, and all I can say to him is sloth sloth sloth sloth sloth sloth sloth wallaby. Happy 16th. and many more to come!

  312. I read these things and I think, “She has the BEST ideas!” Then I read them aloud to my husband who mostly wants to know if Victor needs a place to stay because he *totally* sympathizes with Victor and would offer him a safe haven from the crazy if he needed it. Not that there’s less crazy here, just that Victor wouldn’t have to share a room with it.

  316. Damn it, i love you. Almost as much as i love sloths. And there u are, hugging. Oi!

  317. Oh, and my owen wants to hug your victor, cuz he gets it

  321. BEST. MOTHER.FUCKING.ANNIVERSARY. PRESENT.EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

    No Seriously though this is amazing!!! How did you do this? Would they do it for me? Because I need to know.

    ASAP.

    You're amazing though, can I live your life for a day?

  325. Ah, nuts! You messed up. Sloth is 17 years; Llamas are 16. Now what are you going to do next year?!

  332. While reading this I realized I had the same look on my face at Victor does. I do not think another soul could pull that prank off. Happy Anniversary!

  337. Absolutely loved this story, I didn’t think that your could top last years but you have in truly amazing style!! Check my blog out a joshuanaden.blogspot.com

  338. “And it was everything a 16th wedding anniversary should be…At least in this house.”

    Especially when the peeing started, I imagine.

  339. Do you have a house cleaner? or a second home that you just use for pictures? Your place always looks so well kept. Or clutter free. Yes that’s what I got from your story. It was very nice. Happy Anniversary! You have taught me a valuable lesson about sloth pee as well. I thought that keeping wild animals (unless dead and stuffed) seemed like a pretty irresponsible message to send. Much like bunnies and chicks for Easter presents, do not give sloths for anniversaries. What did they think of the hedgehog?

  340. Yet another reason why you are so awesome…and insane, as in ‘insanely awesome.’ Our 22nd anniversary is coming up in a few months and I’m thinking an ocelot for one day would be cool. Sure, it might tear him to shreds but they look so sweet. Hell, just the WORD ‘ocelot’ sounds cool.

    Thanks for inspiring me. I’ll make sure to tell him it was kinda sorta your idea.

  341. I’m completely crying/laughing. I’m visiting my parents who are in the next room and they have to think that I’m raving mad now. Best. Gift. Ever.

  342. I managed to contain myself until you mentioned the hedgehog hidden in your pocket and then I spent the next five minutes cleaning apple and cinnamon oats of the keyboard after I could no longer contain my hysterical laughter. Brilliant way to start the day! Happy Anniversary 🙂

  343. Also, please don’t mistake this for my condoning people to go out and kill and stuff wild animals. That’s not very responsible either. Unless you are hunting for already stuffed vintage ones at a garage sale. That’s ok.

  346. Brilliant! I just came across your book at the library and it was awesome. I have felt in the past that I am too weird to be normal, so it resonated with me in alot of ways. I just HAD to check out your blog. I plan on checking out previous posts as I have the time. This one is great. I have to say your husband has a wonderful sense of humor. Congrats on your 16th Anniversary! P.S. You should SO get bumper stickers into your shop.

  347. Awe-inspiring. I am in awe and oh-so-inspired! You are seriously amazing. Congrats and condolences to you both.

  348. Oh my goodness. At first glance, I didn’t believe Jilly was real. (You photograph an awful lot of taxidermied creatures; it was a fair assumption.) But then I read it, and saw the wallaby, and you have MADE MY DAY!
    Also? Acquiring live hedgehogs is now the top priority in my birthday party planning. (Alice in Wonderland theme. But, in case you’re listening PETA, I promise not to play croquet with them.)

  349. hrmmmm… just read this aloud to my husband. Our anniversary is next Thursday. Hrmmmmmmmmmmmm… Sloths give the best hugs, eh? Must keep that in mind.

  350. I was introduced to your blog last year, by Beyonce (oh, you know what I mean) and I laughed all the way through that post. I laughed all the way through this one, as well. I kept laughing, and thinking, I’ll stop any minute now but I just kept on laughing, and I only stopped laughing when I reached the end. And then I had to go back and look again at the not-baby not-kangaroo and I started right back up.

    Bravo!

  351. love this! Surprised you outdid the giant metal chicken, but leave it to you! Happy Anniversary!

  352. I had a major panic attack this morning, my anxiety is kicking my butt and then I come on here and I LMAO, because you are the best therapy ever. Thank You. And A very Happy, Happy Anniversary to you and Victor.

  353. Not that I would ever, ever, ever wish this for anyone….but should Victor ever meet an untimely demise, please marry me. Even if you’re not really in to girls, cause I am only curious, at best…but I think we would have so much fucking fun. 🙂

  355. this is so fucking cool! Happy Anniversary. Hubby and I just celebrating our 13th!

  357. I am so jealous right now, I can’t stand myself!!! Happy Anniversary!

  358. Sloths look like they were created for the sole purpose to give epic hugs… you both look so happy in that picture.
    This has to be the best prank I’ve ever heard.
    And CONGRATS on sixteen years 🙂

  360. You make me feel positively normal. Which is really saying something. Although if I were abnormal in the wonderful way that you are, I wouldn’t mind being so strange.

  361. I love EVERY DAMN THING about this post. I am SOOOOOO pranking my husband with a fake pet for our next anniversary….

  362. I am filled with amazing Lawsbian Pride!! I can not think of a better anniversary prank…I can’t wait to see what happens next year!

    Happy Anniversary you two! Here is to many more years of pranks, love, commitment and crazy!!

  363. Ishbel and I have been married thirty six years or is 37, I’ve lost count and had some great anniversaries but I now know what I want for the next one, a visiting menageries, mind you we get that when all the grandkids turn up…..

    Love this, Happy Anniversary and here’s to many more

  364. What the fuck, all I got for my anniversary was an iPad!

  365. OMG, I wanna be married to you! Well, not that I’m gay, but if you are, I will switch team for you. ( So far I only offered that to Angelina Jolie)

  368. I AM SO JEALOUS! Sloths are so cool. A house full of unusual animals would be so much fun. Happy anniversary.

  371. I love you! Happy anniversary! Could you please let my hubby know that a sloth or a baby kangaroo would be ideal for our next anniversary?

  375. The picture of Hailey is amazing!! Have an awesome anniversary (as if it could get any better than a sloth).

  376. I just wanted to say that I absolutely loooove the brains that you and Victor have between your ears! You make me feel very human and warm and fuzzy. I grew up on a farm in South Dakota and love animals … I embarrassed my Dad once because when I was awarded the “Blue Ribbon Poultryman of the Year” honor, I told the reporter that I talked to my chickens … when it came out in the Farmer’s Weekly front page, the headline was something like “Boy Talks To Chickens” and Dad’s farmer friends in town razzed him about his son. Ha!

  378. Oh Jenny, you are too awesome!!!!!!! On my way to work today I was listening to your audio book (I’ve already read the paper version twice but I had to have both) and I listened to the “Married on the 4th of July” chapter and I was like, “I totally need to wish Jenny and Victor happy anniversary!” But I work on a ranch riding horses all day and don’t have a smart phone, so I had to wait until I got home and then you had already posted this about your anniversary so everyone remembered and I wasn’t special for remembering your anniversary, but it’s ok because it sounds like it was an AMAZING anniversary anyways. So, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! This is too long and you probably don’t read this far down anyways, but even if you don’t read it, I’m wishing you a happy anniversary 🙂

  380. That was the best blog post I have read EVER. I have laugh tears in my eyes.

  383. Damn! I have to wait 9 more years before I can get a sloth and a wallaby? Shit. I’m sorry that in the first photo my mind went “OMG she got a dead stuffed sloth for Victor, he’s going to have a fucking stroke” – I’m glad that they were alive. Best. Prankaversary. Ever.

  384. ya know, i really didnt think you could top beyonce or copernicus but this might just be the funniest thing you have ever written. well done jenny, well done! happy anniversary to you and victor and yes, that man really does deserve a freaking medal lol.

  385. I have to admit, I reacted like Victor for a second.
    “Oh my God, she DIDN’T!!”
    And then…”that’s kind of fantastic”
    I love that this group helped you with your prank, and happy anniversary!

  388. FYI: I read your metal chicken article (based on your post) in Ladies Home Journal last night and almost crapped my bed…..and there were fresh sheets……I would have been mad at you if I did crap ’em.

    Also, your knockers look great in previous post.

    Kisses,
    Jen

  390. Happy anniversary! Glad to know that anniversary 16 is the anniversary of the sloth.

  392. You guys are absolutely….freaking….awesome. No lie. 🙂 Happy Anniversary.

  393. That picture of Victor?

    PRICELESS. I’m not sure I have ever laughed at anything more than that! His face tells so many stories. So, so many stories.

    His face could write a book. About you. His version. OHMYGODYES! Victor needs to write a book in his version of living with YOU!!

  394. I’m glad that there is someone out there willing to do the things I think of. Happy aniversary!

  395. I LOVE every photo you posted. You look so happy and beautiful. Victor’s face looks just as I imagine every time you talk about him. And you have to love that beautiful joyful child look.
    Happy anniversary.

  396. Well tell Victor to put another shrimp on the barbie and some sloth pee in the billabong because it’s time to party hearty.
    I have to ask, how do you know the sloth was
    , you know, alive, because they move REALLY SLOW and they could have spring loaded arms for hugging.
    It’s like how do you lnow if a possum is dead or just playing possum?
    This is important because if you stuff a live sloth, PETA will be all over you like a bagwana.

  397. OMG this is freaking HILARIOUS. I LOVE that you did this. My husband would shit a ton of bricks if I did this, which is a great reason to do it. I don’t know if we have a Zoomagination around here. They need to franchise, pronto. Happy anniversary!!!

  398. This is the best anniversary present/prank EVER! You’re a genius!

  399. Damn, Now I have to tell my wife that I want sloths and some penguins for our anniversary. Four years on July 15 (and my nieces birthday). Also it’s the last day of the Obon festival in Okinawa Prefecture, Japan where I was born, and Obon celebrates the ancestors of the Japanese and is celebrated by visits to the cemetarieswhere they clean the bones, tidy up the gravesite, and then have a nice little picnic. anyway happy anniversary. watch out for wallaby kicks. cheers!

  400. I had a pet kangaroo when I was little. She was awesome – except she liked to pee on my dad’s face while he was sleeping. I don’t think he liked her very much.

  402. Sing it! Sing it with me! You know, the Flintstone’s anniversary song!
    “Oh, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, happy anniversary, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
    (Mine is on the 28th btw.)
    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

  404. Congrats on your anniversary, and each of those photos of the three of you are priceless!

  405. Absolutely priceless. The look on Victor’s face….holy hell. I laughed SO hard. Thank you. It has been a shitastic day and I needed that. Have a wonderful anniversary!

  407. I am in AWE of your astonishing amazingness! In AWE. (And I also now want a sloth hug, obviously.)

  410. sloths4mentalhealth.tumblr.com there is a silly story behind this but even without it it’s still funny.

  412. Best anniversary gift EVER!!!!! I just wonder after Beyonce and this how would you top it next year?

  413. My boyfriend is currently sitting next to me in tears… of laughter. I am thinking how disappointed would I be to findout they are only on loan. That IS the best anniversary present ever.

  414. I just googled “Sloth Rental Augusta” and it referred me to Phish’s 2012 summer tour. Stupid hippies.

  416. That is incredible! The look on Hailey’s face is adorable, she’ll never forget that day! What a great experience for you all. Excellent mid-hop picture too!
    I too lost my beautiful cat Posy in December. She was 18 and made of awesome. She was quiet and dignified, most unlike her owner. We had to get her put down too. I still can’t believe I got to have her for so long, I’m so grateful.
    And yes, OF COURSE it should be sloth hug. I hope it was as amazing as it looks!

  418. Wallabies are great, except when you are hung over.

    My mother is a zookeeper, and when I was in college I came back to my hometown one weekend without telling my parents. I went out and did what college kids do, got silly drunk with a bunch of friends. I got a ride to my parents house and went in and crashed on their couch. My dad got up at 4:30 in the morning to get ready for work and he let the Wallaby, which my mother was hand-raising, out of its cage. It found me on the couch, passed out, and decided to have a treat and start licking the salt off of my toes. This managed to awaken my from my stupor, but it was dim in the room, and I didn’t expect to find a Wallaby licking my toes(who does?). All I could think as I groggily woke up was that there was a giant rat eating my feet. I screamed, Wallaby freaked, Mom and Dad came running into the room wondering who was screaming at the Wallaby. A fun weekend for all!

  420. At first I was speechless. Then I almost peed my pants first from shock and then from laughter. Now I am just completely jealous of Victor! I want to pet the sloth and the kangaroo. He is so lucky!

  421. Happy Anniversary Jenny & Victor!!

    You have the bestest ideas ev-ar! I plan to steal them and use them on my OH in the near future – of course – it won’t work on him because I usually end up reading your blog to him when he asks why I am laughing (read most of your book to him too).

    ((((Hugs to both of you))))

  422. I’ve never been super patriotic but on this Fourth of July can I just say that we live in the best country on earth, a country where you can pay someone to bring a sloth to your home AND A SMALL KANGAROO (I don’t remember how to spell the real name of what this is and I’m too lazy to scroll all the way up to where you mention it, it starts with a ‘w’).

    America. Fuck yeah.

  423. Jenny!!!!!

    I love your pics – so much joy! – and omg that means I have been reading your blog for a year now, as Beyonce the giant metal chicken was my very first one. Happy Anniversary to you both. May you live as long as you love, and love as long as you live xxx

  425. I can’t get over the shock on Victor’s face. He must have been devastated. Happy anniversary!

  428. I can’t wait until my 16th anniversary! I’m totally printing this one out for my husband.

  429. Yes, he does deserve a medal…..but so do the folks at Zoomagination for making this prank happen!

    Happy anniversary!

    I wonder what the 20 year mark will bring?

  430. so my husband read this today, while in the ICU, 9 days post double-lung transplant. and then he looked at me, terrified…. because he totally knows that some strange animal is going to greet him when he gets home in 4-6 weeks… i have some time to plan!

  431. I want to be in on the development meetings when they make your life a movie. Also, I keep thinking (I know, too soon) about your daughter finding the love of her life and bringing them home to meet you.

    You know, this prank only worked because it’s not outside the realm of reality for you to get a pet sloth. I totally could see you doing that. And they do seem like awesome pets, because once a week peeing is awesome.

    Happy anniversary to you and Victor.

  433. This is definitely the most awesome anniversary present and will obviously become the standard for 16 years. There will be “Traditional,” “Modern,” and “Jenny Motherfucking Awesome.”

    Also, you know Posey was looking down on the exotic circus creating chaos in your house and laughing her ass off.

  434. Considering your absolute reluctance to me helping you adopt a free donkey (aka burro), in fact saving an abandon one, I would have been shocked, shocked if this was for real. Besides costing less, as in FREE, a burro is kind of like a pony (and who doesn’t want a pony) and it can carry things, like groceries. Also great for Christmas manger scenes.

    Also, you should consider a pet goat. Great at trimming those hard to reach places on the lawn, although a wallaby is a close second. But they don’t eat trash like a goat does.

  435. Jenny – If I were single and you were single, I’d marry you just for the anniversary adventures!

  438. Oh. My. God. This is the best thing EVER. I am so jealous of you and your sloth hugging ways. Is it true that sloths have moths that nest in their “fur” (is it fur all over their bodies?)

    p.s. I wish I only peed once a week, I can just imagine all the things I could get done with that extra time.

    Oh and happy anniversary you two! 🙂

  439. Not gonna lie…. it took me half this article to know if that sloth were alive or stuffed. The pee finally convinced me.
    Happy Anniversary!

  440. omg that is probably the most awesome prank EVER. Victor’s reaction was pure gold. Hope you had fun! Happy 16th wedding anniversary! 🙂

  441. I’m thinking, “you got a sloth? Don’t you need a license for that?” and then I saw the wallaby (I knew it was a wallaby because – the feet).
    What a fantastic way to celebrate an anniversary. Happy Anniversary to you and the amazingly patient Victor.

    Also, my 8-y-o son wants to read your book for the swears and Beyonce, the giant chicken. I told him he has to wait till he’s 12.

  442. Awesomely inspirational as I am staring nearly 40 years in the face and the usual dinner/friends surprise is waaay old. I say da man needs a gift kangaroo. Never look a gift sloth in the mouth!

  446. My anniversary is Sunday. I’mp retty sure I’m getting a necklace, and giving a composter. Dear lord, please let one of us show some imagination and give the other a wallaby. Also, Happy Anniversary!

  447. I think I’m comment like 2,324 but I just wanted to say, Victor is EXACTLY like I pictured him to look like. 🙂

  448. I am so glad you got a sloth hug or two to help you with the Posey shaped hole in your heart.

    Also? My first thought when reading this was, “Wow, it’s legal to have a Sloth in your home in TX? They must have some really lax animal control laws.” It never even occurred to me that you’d borrowed/rented them. Well done.

  449. I am so doing a version of this on my husband one day…only it will involve chickens, a pig, and some sheep (by then I hope horses are no longer an issue for him). He is freaked out about the though of us having any livestock and I have begged for chickens.

  450. Sounds totally normal to me!

    It is nice to see you smile, even if Victor wasn’t 🙂

  452. The picture of Victor had me laughing so hard I nearly burst a blood vessel in my eye. Well done, lady.

  453. Ummm. I get unexpected sloths all too often… so…. What exactly do you feed them? I’ve tried just tossing $20 and some Nutrigrain bars at them, but they keep coming back. Granted, they enjoy themselves in the compost pile, but mostly they are a nuisance. If it wasn’t for the fact they are faster then me, it would BE ON. LIKE GODDAMN FUCKING DONKEY ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.

  455. Thank you for providing the brightest moment of my day and the only laughter! Holidays are often a struggle for me, but apparently not as much when they coincide with your wedding anniversary. Happy Marriage to you & Victor.

  456. Happy Anniversary Jenny, I can’t wait to see what you do for April Fools Day! LOL

  458. Even better if you had gotten him SIXTEEN sloths (slothem? sleuth?) and anti-kangaroos and hedgehogs!!!! Just kidding, you are my HERO!!!

  460. What a fantastic anniversary – congratulations to you both. Can you see Hailey explaining to her fiancée in a few years time ” …………and then Mum got Dad a sloth, a wallaby and a hedgehog for their 16th anniversary, and Dad said………………..”! poor guy (or girl) – what he/she has to live up to!

  462. I love you! (Not in a gay way. lol) Loved lasts year’s gift also! You rock!

  464. Sorry but this one blew it for me. This kind of objectification and exploitation of real, wild, exotic animals that do not belong in peoples homes, even temporarily makes me very angry. I will not subject any of you to my usual rant on this topic, just saying you lost much face and rank with this prank. Live animals are not playthings.

  465. Crazy. Love. It! Oh hugs of hugs!
    You are simply beaming with joy!
    And I agree with all the comments about partners being afraid. Be very afraid …
    That means you Christopher.

  466. You are awesome! Victor is a lucky man to get such interesting gifts on your anniversary.

  468. Brilliant and funny! And I don’t blame him a bit for falling for it. Of course, it would have been even more believable had the pets been taxidermied.

  470. Your blog makes me laugh so hard that I pee my pants.
    So I need one of your “It’s not my pee” t-shirts; except I need the “not” crossed out.

  472. OMG! I kept waiting for you to say “haha just kidding, they’re all stuffed” or something, but real is way better! Happy Anniversary!

  473. Fabulous surprises!! Happy 16th anniversary to all of you!!

  477. I don’t comment very often, but this is THE. BEST. DAY. EVER!

  480. Our anniversary is in six days, and you are a tough act to follow. So, I’m gonna just give my husband pictures of what you gave your husband. Get us something awesome again next year, because this makes shopping much easier.

  486. Thanks! I needed a laugh-I had tears in my eyes. I would love to have you as a neighbor too-what a blast! Though they probably wouldn’t/couldn’t deliver a sloth AND a wallaby here in Alaska.

  488. Lookit Hailey in her friggin cute little pink Chanel-like blazer. how cool is this child?

  491. I just about died when I got to the bit about sloths only peeing once per week. Jenny, you are a true original. I salute you and your pranking ways. Happy anniversary.

  492. I think I love you guys!!! The look on Victors face is priceless! And now I want to hug a sloth..she is adorable. Happy Anniversary to you both.

  494. OMG Jenny this is totally your chance to get a picture of Kristen Bell holding a random object! You had a sloth and she loves them. Plus she seems like she is down to earth enough to do it.

    Jilly the sloth does look awfully huggy.

  495. I used to love you, and then you hugged a sloth, and now I kind of hate you. Why have you done this?

  498. LOVED THIS STORY !!!

    You live a wonderful live, even with all the ups and downs. Happy day for you and Victor.

  502. Happy anniversary! My husband is very insistent that Victor needs a support group. I keep trying to tell him that Victor is a willing contributor to the inanity, but he still insists. I think he just wants a support group for himself. And is wondering if he’ll still be able to find a giant metal chicken in five years.

  509. What a great prank. I’,m truly impressed; but at the same time mildly disappointed.
    Our 30th anniversary is in 10 days and I was going to make Doug get me a lemur or perhaps a giraffe.
    I figured if you could do get those for 16 years I could certainly have one of those for 30 long years.

  510. I love you. Thank you for posting this! We had to put our sweet dog Ripley to sleep last Thursday after 12 and a half years together. My husband and I have both been complete wrecks. I’ve just stopped randomly bursting into tears as I walk through the house, which is a lot since I work from home. Our 2 year old doesn’t understand where Ripley is no matter how many times we explain that her body stopped working. Anyway, this is awesome and made me very happy. Losing a pet is terrible, and having a wonderful partner is amazing and helps so much. And, your child’s joy can really help you through it. So, awesome on you. Well done! In summary, you are a punk. I approve.

  511. Just when I thought that your posts couldn’t get any funnier…you go and do this. I seriously think that you need to make a Victor shirt with random sayings underneath because his expression is priceless.

  512. That’s fantastic – I dread to think what will happen for your 17th celebrations, though. Happy Anniversary. 🙂

  513. I love you so, so much. I mean this in an entirely platonic and merry-snorting way.

    I think you should write a Complete Guide to Proper Wedding Anniversary Presents — I mean, you’ve already got two years awesomely defined, eh?

  514. WOW!
    This is the BEST PRESENT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Victor SHOULD be grateful! I mean you made the perfect choice…looking at zoomagination and picturing having a Tarantula or a boa in one’s living room… 🙂

    NO seriously – FUNNY and CUTE and all that

  517. a sloth sounds like a wonderful pet to me – pee and all.
    Wonder how they get along with dogs…