Because d’Artagnan is too hard to spell

So this week I rented Victor an hourly sloth for our anniversary.  He, in return, got me something equally snuggly…a scrawny, orange rescue kitten who won’t stop purring.

This is him doing his Popeye impression.  He’s not very good at it but we like to encourage him.

This is where I'd type the sound of Popeye laughing but I don't know how to spell it.

This is him again with a corncob pipe I’ve photoshopped in.

I won't lie. It helps a little.

We’re still stuck on a name but so far we like Dartanian, Valentine, Chairman Meow, Mister Perkins, and Hunter S. Thompson (Because he both vomited and shit on me on the way home and is continuously and unapologetically getting his ass into trouble.  Plus he was all paranoid in the car and I think I heard him whisper “THIS IS BAT COUNTRY.”)

Here are some more pictures of him because WHO NEEDS A JUSTIFICATION FOR MORE KITTEN PICTURES?

It's the Brady Bunch of kitten pictures

And in other news it’s time for the weekly wrap-up but I haven’t really had a chance to do anything this week so there’s nothing to report except that Goodreads and Facebook paired up to select the “books that real people love” and mine was the number one pick for nonfiction.  Yeehaw, y’all.

This week’s round up sponsored by the remarkably awesome people at The Mainland, who specialize in sophisticated stupid humor.  My particular favorite is “dick tick“.  I recommend.

424 thoughts on “Because d’Artagnan is too hard to spell

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Victor, you are da bomb. Best present ever. Posey would approve of a feline brother getting RESCUED. (I like Mr. Purrkins.) Lots of love to the whole crew.

  2. Happy New Kitty 🙂 I’m leaning towards Hunter, because paranoid kitty is paranoid 🙂

    Happy Anniversary to you both!

  3. Adorable! Also, I cannot stopping giggling about Hunter S. Thompson. For that reason, that name is my first pick. Heh!

  4. My vote goes to Chairman Meow. Only because I have a five year old, asshole of an orange cat who my husband was insistant that we name Chairman Meow. He ended up being Leland, which is fitting because he acts like a mean old man. When he says “MEOWWWW!” he really means “GET OFF MY LAWN!”

  5. I like Chairman Meow, though I also like names that cause a little confusion like Bunny or Fawn. (I mean, why is it okay to name humans after animals but not other animals?)

  6. Chairman Meow is my vote as well!
    And VICTOR RULES!!!!!!
    I want to hug him, but that would make him file a restraining order…
    Love to y’all!

  7. Chairman Meow speaks to me, but your reasoning for Hunter S. Thompson is sound. *nods* He looks adorable! 🙂

  8. I just recently got a kitten and named him Chairman Meow! Great minds think alike 😉 Your kitten looks like a Dartanian to me. He’s super cute!

  9. I like Hunter S. Thompson, but i also like Popeye.

    Also, i think you should make it a habit to include at least one cat picture per post. The internet is already 75% cat pictures, but yours is clearly the cutest. Just don’t tell my cat i said that.

  10. I believe P{opeye’s laugh goes something like this:
    “A-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah!” … Well, at least that’s how I remember it.

    Oh, and Chairman Meow by the way (I’m *such* a communist)

  11. You can tell by the picture at top, right that kitten knows things!

  12. My eight-year-old is asking for his own cat. He wants an orange tabby, and is going to name it “Cheese.” I’m trying to talk his brother into naming his eventual puppy “Colby Jack,” but he’s currently stuck on “Cheddar.”

  13. Chairman MEOW … because look at him.. he is sporting an M , broken in half, above/between his eyes! Or you could got with Captain MEOW and put a superhero cape on him… since his face is monogrammed!

    I think Popeye’s laugh would look something like… nyuukkkkk, nyuukkkk, nyuukkkk, nyuukkkk… 😀

  14. What a cute kitten! Perfect anniversary gift. I’m voting for Mister Perkins, because it sounds nice. What about Mister Purrkins?

  15. Can I cast a vote in favor of Hunter S. Thompson? That is some hilarious shiz-nit!
    And he is a terribly sweet little guy!

  16. Chairman Meow made me laugh here. Just so you know, in case you’re tracking reader response and etc …

    And I should have written a thank you to you by now. I often call my Belgian bloke over and read your posts out to him. It puts me in a good light … just. I haven’t bought him a metal chicken and I’ve never rented a sloth …or not yet. You see, I’m a New Zealander and he’s a Belgian so cultural misunderstandings sometimes make him wonder what he has gotten himself into. But he’s still laughing more than he cries, and it’s been about 7 years.

    I love reading of your world. Thanks for being you.

  17. So damn cute!! I’d go with Chairman Meow or Mr. Purrkins. Has Ferris Mewler given an opinion on the new kitty yet?

  18. I just got a kitten and named him Atticus.

    I vote for Chairman Meow. (although Hunter S. Thompson is my favorite author….i’m torn….)

  19. Kitty!!!!

    I vote for Count John Charles Athos Porthos Aramis!

    (was looking for D’Artagnan’s first name, and apparently Dumas only gave him one in the sequel, Jean, but the character was based on one Charles de Batz-Castelmore d’Artagnan – validating your choice of name, because Batz=Bats country)

  20. Popeye’s laugh is (I think) ugg gaa gaa gaa gaa. My son has laughed like that since birth and it’s hilarious!

  21. Funny, I thought Popeye’s laugh went “Huck huck huck …”

    I’m glad Victor didn’t say “just kidding” and send the kitten back to the zoo with the sloth and the wallaby!

  22. I love your new whittle smish mouth {that’s what I call kitties}! So, so cute. Thank you Victor for an equally amazing gift…it’s pretty hard to top a sloth hug, but a smish mouth that can do a Popey impression, amazeballs!

  23. As a member of the race of “real people” who love your book…shit, I got nothing else. I did love it, but I haven’t been real long enough to forge a true comment outside of that.

    And I’m thinking Victor just bested the sloth because damn, he’s cute (the kitty, not Victor. Wait, no, Victor IS cute, but not as cute as the kitten. Well, he is just as cute, but I, well,…dammit). D’Artagnan looks like a Lee Melvin Stackhouse. Or Monkey. You know, since Meta World Peace is taken.

  24. Two ‘awwws’…one for the sweetest little kitten and one for an awesome husband! Now I have to go lock myself in my bedroom so I won’t go out and get a kitten (I already have three cats, which is one over my personal limit)

    I cannot get another kitten, I cannot get another kitten, I cannot get another kitten….

  25. I love the names d’Artagnan and Hunter S. Thompson. Leaning more toward Hunter S. Thompson though since the whole paranoid whispers about bat country are just completely awesome.

  26. Why not just name him Popeye? And if you get another girl kitty you can name her Olive Oil.
    A friend of mine has an orange cat and named him Beaker.. And your nameless kitty is pretty damn cute!!

  27. Hunter S. Thompson for sure. Then you can photoshop a hawaiian shirt on the kitten. ‘

    and there are already so many Chairman Meows out there.

  28. I think he totally looks like Hunter… plus, everytime you want him to do something you could always go all Dr Gonzo on him.

    As your attorney, I advise you to shit in your litterbox and not on my newspaper.

    Hugs and congrats on the new family member!!


  29. Yay for Victor! Cute kitten is cute!

    I think you should call him Bread. B/C he’s a ginger. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. I crack myself up.

  30. Having once named a dog ‘Ozzy’ and then watched him become a sort of endearing psychotic, I have come to believe there is a sort of deterministic magic to choosing names (hence our daughter being named Abigail). My take is that ‘Hunter S. Thompson’ is a very cool name that will ensure plenty of future blog material. Just be aware what you are signing up for. And keep him away from the mescaline.

  31. That is so awesome on your book. I know I don’t get online and mush all over you, but I found you when the Wil Wheaton thing started on twitter, got on a library wait list for your book, finally got it last spring in the middle of a dark hole I was in, and now buying it via amazon for other people. I think you are singlehandedly bringing ‘crazy’ out of the closet and making it fashionably cool like no one else on the planet could have, and I honestly can’t thank you enough for putting yourself out there. I have some experience with going public, and while I saw it as a disaster, I can see how you rode through like you were curling on a surfboard, and I’m like, heckyeahthatissofckngcoolofheromg… Luvs.

  32. Best. Husband. Ever. And the whole #1 favorite booky thing? Completely deserved. I read it in one sitting because when something makes you laugh out loud, it’s The Law. Only now I’m sad because I finished it and there’s no more and I missed the book club due to work constraints. Do have another one, won’t you? Happy Anniversary you crazy kids.

  33. I had a D’Artagnan- he was a proud, feisty little being!

    How about “Catticus Finch?”

  34. OMG I am in love! Rescue kittehs are the nearest! Hunter S. Thompson (aka HT) is my pick. He’s so lucky to get you as his human Mama. 🙂

  35. A kitty is the bestest anniversary present ever! I mean a sloth is great, but a kitten is a gift that will just keep on giving. Of course he won’t replace Posey but I bet Posey moved over a bit and made a new spot in your heart for yet to be named orange boy. Congrats!

  36. It’s like you KNEW it was my birthday and you posted cat pictures just for me. What an awesome way to wake up. I vote for Chairman Meow, instill a sense of entitlement and totalitarianism in him from a young age.

  37. Chairman Meow seems fitting for a Thumbless Overlord of such adorableness.

  38. We have a Chairman Meow! He’s my husband’s kitty and he’s orange white. I vote for Hunter S. Thompson though. He’s (the kitty) absolutely adorable!

  39. I had an orange cat like this when I was a kid. We named him Peaches which was kind of funny because he was a rough and tumble tom cat with a prissy girl name! 🙂

  40. For some reason, I am leaning toward Dartanian. (Although Chairman Meow is very compelling, too.) Also, now I have the Sting/Adams/Stewart song “All for Love” going through my head.

  41. My two cents-Valentine is cute, but this was your anniversary, which means you would have to name her

    And an “hourly sloth” sounds like a lazy hooker.

  42. My boyfriend thinks Fidel Catstro would suit! He’s “not a cat person” but has come up with a list of names I should call my next feline!

  43. SO CUTE! I want a kitty… I’m beginning to think that dumping my bf because he is allergic would be legit.

  44. He is absolutely beautiful! Love his markings. I vote for Hunter S. Thompson, seems to fit his early shenanigans.

  45. Chairman Meow!
    Thanks for sharing the pics!

    And I agree with Facebook and Goodreads, #1 book!
    Happy Caturday!

  46. Your kitty is cute (and WHY does that sound so old man dirty?). I think you should name him Del the Funky Homosapien.

    Also, where is Alice in the Brady Bunch collage? WHERE?!

  47. Watch out, Jenny! The orange ones are batshit crazy! Our Bonzai is mad as a hatter and too damn smart for his own good. But he’s a snuggler, so all is forgiven. Good luck with your little guy. He’s adorable. 🙂

  48. Chairman Meow for the win. I made all the world dictators as Miis on my Wii. I was the only one who thought it was funny though.

  49. He’s so Hunter S Thompson. Hubby and I both agree. We also agree that the real Hunter S would probably in fact blorf all over in the car on his way home from, well, anywhere really. Congrats ion the new kitty.

  50. He is beautiful. Many years of good health and happiness to you all! And my vote is for Chairman Meow. Then he can be called “The Chairman” when necessary.

  51. Congrats on the book news and the new member of the family!
    I vote for Hunter S. Thompson because hello?! Hunter S. Thompson! No other reason needed.

  52. American Tradition surely calls for Posey Lawson II

    You do know Jerry Ryan will be tweeting these as the daily cute for the rest of the week!

  53. Victor is a saint *and* he deserves a medal. This adorable kitteh is the perfect gift this year. Whatever you name him, I’m sure he couldn’t have found a better home, and he’ll be a fabulous addition to your family.

  54. Okay, I know all kittens are cute, but seriously he is so beyond just “cute!”

    I feel so left out of the “adopt a kitten” thing that seems to be going on amongst everyone I know. I think even my dog is sad about our lack of a kitten, but I’m sort of liking the not being constantly broken out in hives. Damn you, allergies, you ruin everything good!

  55. bonus points all around for rescue kitties AND orange kitties. The orange ones always snuggle into my heart strings the furtherest. Also, one vote for Mr. Perkins.

  56. Victor picked out the perfect present! And, FWIW, Popeye laughing is “Arghc arghc arghc arghc arghc arghc harg!”

  57. I’m partial to “Mister Perkins”. It’ll make for some interesting tweets. “Mister Perkins threw up on the carpet again.” etc.

  58. Orange kitties are love. I have an orange tabby I adopted when he was a wee kitten…he’s my best bud!

  59. Awwww! He is the cutest!!!! Yay for rescue! Love Hunter S. Thompson AND Chairman Meow both.

    Good job, Victor!

  60. Heyo – just thought you’d like to know that your book is checked out from every. single. library in Chicago. There are, like, thirty of them. I’ll probably get my copy in November sometime.

  61. awwww, ginger kitties are the best. super rambunctious, big purrs. i like chairman meow. 🙂

  62. I love it, love it, love it. Yea for new babies in the house to cuddle and love.

    I love that he loves Popeye. My Pawpaw (I only realized in adulthood this is just Papa with a southern accent) reminded me a lot of Popeye and totally smoked a pipe. He’s the reason I love little old men everywhere – but not in a creepy way. And did you know that Popeye might be God? Because there’s some well-known thing that God apparently said (or his kid), “I am the great I am,” or something like that, and Popeye’s thing was “I am what I am,” and I think this is no coincidence and that Popeye is probably some embodiment of God. Granted I decided this while in college and in the midst of a few philosophy classes, but stranger things are believed all over the world, right? And if it’s between following some entity with a white flowy beard who may send me to hell for dancing in church (I was raised Baptist), and a short and mighty old(ish) man who smokes a pipe and goes through the spinach sticking up for people against bullies, I, my friend, will take the latter.

    In conclusion, I like your cat.

  63. I’m kind of sad you didn’t keep the wallaby b/c that kitten/wallaby combination would be the cutest thing ever. Though the kitten on his own is so cute, it made my uterus contract. I had to remind my uterus that it couldn’t produce a baby kitten. Too bad.

  64. How about Popeye? Seems obvious to me even though it wasn’t among your picks and you aren’t looking for any help in naming him. 😉

  65. I thought his new name would be Popeye. Congrats. We have an orange and white tabby…a rare girl. Her name is Zoey, and she purrs all the time too. Yay for you.

  66. He is a cute kitteh (are you sure he’s a he? it can be hard to tell at that age. I once had a kitteh who looked very similar who started out as an Indira but then became a Mahatma. He was best friends with a Great Dane-Mastiff named Boutros Boutros-Ghali). I have no name preferred from the ones you’ve proffered. Chairman Meow I guess? Because we’re all about teaching history lessons with our pet names (currently we have four dogs named after presidents), except that one time we had a litter of kittens named after boxing greats, which I guess is a kind of history, if you’re into that kind of thing, which really I’m not, so I’m not really sure how the cats ended up with names like Ali and Frazier and Evander, although Evander is a wicked cool name for a cat. We had another bunch of cats named after civil rights leaders but most of them came to unfortunate ends of one type or another (Rosa Parks actually got RUN OVER in other road, but I’m pretty sure it was not by a bus, as there are no buses that come by here in the country, except school buses, and this was summer, but it was terribly distressing all the same).

    Anyway, happy anniversary, a bit belated, and I will miss Posey.

  67. Way to go Victor! I’ve always been fond of “Not a Dog” myself, but hurling AND pooping on you right away may require Hunter S. What does Ferris think of all these shenanigans?

    I’m utterly unsurprised about your book: it’s fabulous and you deserve every possible accolade. 🙂

  68. He’s very cute. I’m not sure our votes will count. It *is* your kitten, after all. But I join the Chairman Meow contingent.

    Having recently lost – and gained – a dog, my recent favorite quote is ” It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are”

    Don’t know who to attribute it to. But I think you could say the same thing for cats.

  69. Another vote for Hunter S Thompson. Laughed so hard at that reference and it seems like he can live up to his namesake.

  70. It is so obvious you need to name him Nathan Fillion, give him a ball of twine and realize a dream. Do it for Posey. Do I have to think of everything?? *sigh*

  71. Valentine! But only if you pronounce it “valenteen” like the character in MirrorMask. Seriously. He says good things.

    “Oh, I’m a panther. I shall slip unnoticed through the darkness… like a dark, unnoticeable slippy thing.”


    “We often confuse what we wish for with what is.”

  72. “Mao” is the Chinese word for “cat,” so even Chairman Mao would be appropriate. Chairman Meow is cute, too.

  73. What a cute kitty! So I completely vote for Hunter S Thompson, because I’ve know three different people who named their cat Chairman Meow. True story: I’m 14 weeks pregnant with my first child, and I’m trying to convince my husband that Hunter is an appropriate name for a boy. My husband thinks it’s inappropriate to name a small child after Dr. Gonzo himself, even though we’re both big fans of his work. Inappropriate?! I would definitely wait until the kid was at least 3 before bringing out Fear and Loathing. Since I will probably lose this argument to more appropriate (and less awesome) names, you should name your cat Hunter. Because it will make this random fan feel better that at least SOMETHING awesome is getting this name.

  74. Mister Purrkins did you shit on your Mama!! TY to you both for giving this little guy a home. Nothing endears me to people so much as rescuing a furry baby. No worries.. endearing &I stalking are two separate things/charges.

  75. I gotta weigh in with another vote for Hunter S. Thompson. That name is too awesome to pass up on.

    Whatever you name him though, he is adorable. ^_^

  76. I say he looks like Scut Farkus the bully from ‘A Christmas Story’. Except obviously this is after Ralphie beats him up and he cries. So now he’s learned his lesson and has been re-incarnated as a cute spunky kitty. Enjoy your new little friend!

  77. My sister’s cat is named Hunter S. Thompson. :). Your new kitty is very cute!

  78. I wondered if Victor actually found Bob Barker. Either way, 100% AWESOME!

  79. I like a few of the names.. would be a hard pick! Of our 3 orange kitties, we’ve named them Sherbert, Ginger, and Peaches. The kids named them all. I think toughest choices.. Mr. Purrkins, or Chairman Meow.

  80. I vote for Hunter S. Thompson!!! Sounds like the name is going to fit him! (He’s adorable, by the way)

  81. I’m with the shockingly small faction of people who clearly think he should be called Popeye.

  82. My friend rescued a stray cat and named him Chairman Meow, and he ran away. We figured he must have been a conservative Republican and objected to being named after a Communist dictator.

  83. It’s really too bad that d’Artangan is so hard to spell, because he just doesn’t look like a Porthos…

  84. We just got new kittens about a month ago and almost named one of them Chairman Meow. Almost. Instead we named that one Darth Meow because I’m a complete dork and my fiancee is the most patient and understanding person ever.

  85. First – orange cats are the best cats. Just ask mine-they’ll tell you how they beat down the other colored cats on a daily basis and claim prime sleeping spots like the closet. Yeah, orange cats are the best. I knew a Chairman Meow once… and if cats are like people (and you know how people with the same name all tend to be similar? Which is why I automatically distrust anyone with the same name as my husband.) The Chairman I knew was a sweet lady who has been greatly missed, so yeah… my vote is for Chairman Meow…

    As for kitten pictures. No. Nobody needs an excuse and nobody gets tired of them. Just as my friends who have been constantly subjected for over a month and are still not asking me to stop. But that might just be the duct tape.

    BTW I found your blog and I love it. You’re hysterical.

  86. He’s adorable! I’m partial to Chairman Meow myself, but Hunter S. Thompson seems like a better fit.

  87. If you want to use d’artagnan…we had a cat with the same name and we nicknamed her ‘D’art’. And she did!

  88. Well played, Victor. I’m rooting for HST, myself. Especially if the “S” stands for Squint. Or Squinch. I think I just made that up.

  89. I was sorry to read that you lost your last cat, but happy to see you’ve gotten right back in the swing of things with this new little stinker. He is unbelievably cute and looks like he will be total trouble….in a good way. The best cat I ever had was a big orange one named Walter, who used to shit in the shoes of all of my overnight dates he didn’t quite take a shine to. In retrospect, that cat had impeccable taste in men. And belated Happy Anniversary too — the sloth was awesome!

  90. Nope, Squinch is a real word afterall. Which means I’m not as creative as I thought I was, or my vocabulary is larger than I knew. I’m going with the second one.

  91. Orange tabbies are the BEST. CATS. EVER. I have one and he is the most adorable thing ever and so lovey!! Way to go Victor!! Oh and I vote for Chairman Meow!!

  92. He looks like a Chairman Meow, but it’s hard to argue with the awesomeness of Hunter S. Thompson.

  93. Have you considered the name Captain Scratchy? Or Lieutenant Puddlepants? I think giving the young one an important title would do a lot to boost his confidence.

  94. Chairman Meow is overdone.
    Do you want your rescue kitty to have a complex because his name is too mainstream? NO!
    Now, a name like Hunter S. Thompson would really give him the edge with the cool crowd. If only you could turn it into a cat pun so it would be on a par with the coolness of Ferris Mewler.

  95. I would have to call him Frankie Moody, because he totally reminds me of this strawberry-blond-headed kid who lived on my street in the 70s whose name was Frankie Moody. Particularly In that photo (top right Brady Bunch square) where he’s staring intently and purring. (Not that the human Frankie Moody ever stared intently and purred.)

  96. Chairman Meow, definitely. Because of the monogram on his forehead, of course.

  97. Chairman Meow!! That cat SO looks like a communist-revolutionary-guerrilla-warfare-strategist-marxist-political-philosopher
    Ferris Mewler better watch the fuck out.

  98. I think I just had a heart attack from the cute. I haven’t had an orange kitty since my childhood best friend kitty died after 17 heroic years…she was pretty fuckin awesome. And I haven’t had a kitten for almost 20 years, since our last 2 rescue girls were already 2 years old but that’s the way we wanted it. Yet I see kittens and lose all control of my ability not to SQUEEEEEEEEEEE

  99. How about Will or Wheaton, because Will is just freakin’ awesome collating paper and such.

    And I’m going with Star on that one…. Cat Stevens.

  100. Congratulations on the newest addition to your family! I’ll refrain from voting for a name because naming pets is not my forte. Cases in point: Boo (used two times for two different pets), Fluffy, Brownie, Pink Paws, and Nice Paws and Mean Paws (sibling cats). Rescued birds named Spot, and Sparky.

    It’s like the ‘Dick and Jane’ of pet names in my family.

  101. ooo oooo

    Or call him Victor. That way everytime you’re calling for the cat and Victor answers, you can say, “No, not YOU.”

  102. I vote Dartanian. I love the name and he has a very proud look about him.

  103. I like someone’s idea above, about naming him Catmeron Frye….since he’s hanging with Ferris Mewler. I love movie themed cat names! Really, he’s so freakin cute it doesn”t matter what you name him….it could be Cutie Mccutie and that would be awesome

  104. Hunter S. Thompson! But may I also throw into the mix, Vladimir Purrtin?

  105. He won the kitty lottery, and is unbelievably adorable, and you win the hubs lottery.

  106. Bless you guys! He’s gonna be a winner. Thank you posey.
    Pops, Purrkins, whatever. He’s the best, even if he doesn’t navigate from the top of your head. Be warned, he will run as fast and far as you let him. Those tabbies are powerful. Mine plays hide and seek. First I chase him, then he chases me. So many cats, so many stories. STOP Luly.

  107. I am so glad to know I’ve been spelling d”Artagnan correctly all these years! hahaha!

    Super cute kitty…Victor is a sweetheart. Of course, it isn’t as cool as a sloth…

  108. I have always wanted a cat named Chairman Meow. Or Meow Tse Tung would work, I guess. But when we finally picked up a stray last year, my son wanted to name it Kiwi. Sigh. It isn’t even green. But now I have Kiwi, so I’m going to vote for Chairman Meow for your cat. Just please don’t let your dad stuff it or anything like that.

  109. Hunter S. Thompson! (ok, I love HST so I am a bit prejudiced in this matter)

  110. Chairman Meow is my favorite with Hunter S. Thompson a close second. Seriously cute kitten! Happy Anniversary!

  111. A cute, orange, rescue kitty? I have one of those! I would become 3/4 of a cat lady if I were allowed! I like Mr. Perkins (Purrkins) but you might want to consider Popeye since he has that special talent and all!

  112. Its not often when I read the words, “Chairman Meow” and yell out, “goddammit!”. That’s our cat’s nickname (and, if you would like to steal Internet from us, our network name.) we call him that because he’s a rat bastard who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. So, he’s like most cats. I was going to say, “you can’t have Chairman Meow! That’s mine and the only creative thing we have thought of, ever!” But, then I typed out what a rat bastard he is and figured you can have it. We’ll go back to calling that jerk Tim.

  113. How about Yams for “I yam what I yam” and he’s the right color for it

  114. I’m voting for Hunter S. Thomcat. My one-eyed cat, Sammy Davis Jr. Kitty, agrees.

  115. Cuuuute! My favorite teacher has a kitty called Hemlock. It’s unlikely yours paths will cross, so feel free to use it if it appeals to you.

  116. Victor comes up with the best presents. Our 24th anniversary was last week. I did not get a cat. Guess what I got? New brakes and 2 rotors, that’s what. Next year, I better find a new car attached to anything resembling brake pads. And really, after 25 years, shouldn’t I be eligible for something like a Price is Right showcase? Just sayin.

  117. When we first heard about Posey, my boyfriend and I went out and adopted a kitten in his honor. We’ve called him Benito Mewsolini, or Benny. Some other names we considered were Mr. Furley (a la Three’s Company), Furrlock Holmes, Clawed Monet, Yasser Arracat, Davy Crockatt, and Walt Whitskers. Our older cat is called Jim, short for Jiminy Crickat. Obviously, I’m advocating for Chairman Meow. Long live the pun.

  118. Awwwwww! I love that squinty “I love you and you know you want to pet me” thing that kittens do. My manipulative little poopers have managed to continue doing that well into adulthood. It’s ridiculously cute.

    Hunter is a very cute name for a cat. Especially if he develops the same obsession with grasshoppers, geckos and lizards that mine have.

  119. Aw, Victor’s awesome! What a sweet present.

    Two votes for Chairman Meow from this household!

  120. He looks like William Faulkner with the pipe. I used to have a hamster named Mr. Faulkner, I got him on the day Eudora Welty died so I was gonna name him Miss Eudora but they only sell male hamsters. Who knew?

  121. Oh, can I have a write in name idea? Since it’s the interwebs, I can do just about anything I guess.
    I officially write in: Dr. Doogie Meowser. He’ll be famous as a kitten and then take a break to grow up out of the public eye. Then he’ll come out of the closet (or out from under your bed) and declare undying love for Ferris Mewler. They’ll do a broadway play and win Tonys for best musical and best director. NPH will still be hosting the Tonys and you’ll get invited to his after-party because Dr. Meowser and Ferris brought their Mom to the show. NPH loves when men bring their mom to the show!

  122. I vote for Chairman Meow! Because who doesn’t love a good pun?
    I also really like Amy’s suggestion of Clawed Monet.

  123. I was picking up cat food for our Twylia – My daughter picked the name; it was the name of Barbie’s cat in Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses – ANYWAY, I was at PetSmart and they had a liter of rescue kitties there that were all named on the 4th of July, Liberty, Stripes, etc…they were really stinkin’ cute – but none as cute as “Winks” which is what I think you should name him!

    BTW I once named my puppy S.A.M. because she pooped on the steps on her first trip into the house and I stepped in it. Stinky Ass Mutt was a perfect name for her and the abbreviated SAM fit right with her sister Jack, whose name was Jack when I got her at the humane society:)

  124. Chairman Meow is a riot, but kinda mean. And it could lead him to start ordering you and Victor to account for every penny spent. Also, I think your collection of taxidermy may be considered cause for imprisonment.

    Popeye is probably a safer name. And really? Who doesn’t love Popeye? Except Bluto.

  125. THOUGH! If you named him D’Artagnan you could get THREE MORE kittens and name them Athos, Porthos, and Aramis. Bet Victor never saw that one coming. Give a girl a cat and she buys three more!

  126. FYI the past tense of “shit” is “shat”. So really you should have written “Because he both vomited and shat on me on the way home”. I don’t generally do grammatically corrections, because they’re generally just pedantic and irritating, but I feel obliged to do my bit to preserve irregular vulgar verbs.

  127. My vote, not that it counts or anything, I mean – were we even asked?? Anyways, I’ll throw in my preference and that is, Chairman Meow…. perfection!!

  128. At first I totally read that as “Mister Jenkins” and I thought “why on earth would you name a pet Jenkins after the trauma you lived through??” I just listened to that part of your book while driving yesterday–it’s only slightly difficult to concentrate on the road, but totally worth it. But anyway, then I read it again and it says “Mister Perkins”, so that’s alright.

    But I like “Chairman Meow” if you’re taking votes.

  129. I wanted to vote for Chairman Meow, but the description for Hunter S. Thompson was too perfect. Paranoid kitty must fight off the bats!

  130. I have to vote for Chairman Meow, since we also have a Chairman in our family, and then it would be sort of like our cats were weirdly related (which I mean in a completely non-creepy way that I’m pretty sure you understand). Congrats on your new adopted pal!

  131. He’s beautiful. I love the picture of him with the bow and my favorite part of this was “This is bat country!”

  132. Hi there!

    I picked up your book this weekend, and I just effing loved it. It made me laugh, it made me cry, it gave me the inspiration to finally start my own – I’ve had the damn site for ages, I just never wrote anything on it until now because I believe that despite all my self control, despite trying to be “normal” in the kind of society I have lived in, a number of things have finally I think, broken me. I identify a lot with you – at least with some of the stuff you wrote in Let’s Pretend. Anyways, fuck the drama. I’d just like it if you could check out my very first blog post – link above. Just you know. From one person with fucked-upness to another. You rock lady.

  133. If I ever get an orange cat, (we just adopted our third, Cat-niss) I will name him Agent. I’m sure it will offend people, but I’m kinda getting used to unintentionally, and intentionally, offending people. My vote is for Hunter, though I really like Chairman too.

  134. Crap. I left the “H” off my bloody name in the last post. I can usually spell correctly, folks!

  135. chairman meow. although hunter s. thomspon has a nice ring to it. he’s a very handsome boy. i hope he helps fill the hole in your heart <3 i lost my 16 year old fur brother last march and i still miss him terribly. the fact that i have three other rescue cats that need me and (mostly) love me has helped heal the taylor-shaped hole in my heart.

  136. CUUUUUUUUUUUTE attack here!
    My heart skipped a beat. Are you specializing in pictures of cute animals now? Because that is my scam, just so you know 😉
    Mister Perkins fits great.
    Congratulations for ‘books that real people love’ tag!!! Make that announcement a little bigger, because the cute kitty steals the show 🙂

  137. AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
    I’m gonna cry now.
    I hope he blends in with all the existing kittybabies in the home 🙂

  138. So many Chairmans already… I love Mr. Perkins! It has an old school feel to it. Though I do appreciate your reasoning for Hunter S. Thompson.
    Interestingly, I’m not sure if anyone remembers a kids cartoon on British telly called Dogtanian and the Three Muskerhounds? It is real, I promise! The name really confused me because I now associate it with dogs.

  139. Hunter S. Thompson, surely. My cat Manson once leapt seven feet straight up to catch a bat (a real one.) He’s also done the same things to nab some invisible ones..

    Oh, and I was thinking Popeye’s laugh would be like, “Arkarkarkarkark,” or something.

  140. I’ll admit I didn’t read all the comments, so forgive me if someone already suggested it, but how about Meow Tse Tung?

  141. My vote goes for Chairman Meow, largely due to photo in upper right corner of Brady Bunch shots.

    And, on a lighter note, OMG SQUEEE, he’s SO CUTE! (I had to get that out of my system.) Victor is the best!

  142. Call him Golden EYE because he is gold and has golden eyes. Plus his reminds me of James Bond.

  143. His name is not Popeye? Because he looks like a Popeye to me.

  144. Love rescue kitties! We named ours “boomerang”(booms for short) as he was returned twice before we took him. Course, we then called him “little bastard” for the short time prior to getting him fixed and declawed. He’s the best cat ever!

  145. CHAOS! you should name him Chaos… like another blogger I believe animals live up to their names and I’ve always wanted to use that name for a cat, but have been too afraid of the consequences. My cat Quizzism (defined as ‘the act or habit of quizzing’) (called Quizzie) is very curious and carries his (absurdly long) tail in the shape of a question mark (without the dot, because i don’t know how that’d happen).

    So my vote is Chaos so that he can wreak chaos in your house and i can enjoy the hilarious stories.

  146. What a cute lil marmalade kitteh! I think Chairman Meow suits him too. I just want to snorgle him!

  147. Yeah! everyone kitty pictures!
    he is a cutie. I am glad you went with a rescue. I would likely name him Olive.

    but I have no reason for why

  148. We vote for Hunter S. Thompson.

    Enjoy your Fur and Loathing.

    And as your lawyer, I advise you to start drinking heavily.

    And just for the record:

    *I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.

    *You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when it’s waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye.
    Step right up and shoot the pasties off the nipples of a ten foot bull dyke! Win a cotton candy goat!

  149. I named a cat d’Artagnan. I tried to make it easier on the vets by calling him “Dart” but they were keen to try the spelling and pronunciation.

  150. Your blog cracks me up! I can’t wait to hear more about Chairman Meow….lol it makes me giggle.

  151. Let’s be honest here.

    His name is ALL of those names suggested (and more) – but I’m putting in a vote for Hunter S. Thompson as well.

    P.S. He looks like a mini version of my kitty Casper. I’ve got serious *splort* over here.

  152. I gotta second Cat-meron Frye, to go with Ferris Mewler. I mean, come ON. Then you get a little tortoiseshell girl kitty named “Sloane Purr-terson” and you have the trifecta!

  153. That is a seriously cute kitten. I mean, just look at the little pink nose – so sweet. And the eyes are way more cat-like than other cats. I think you should go ahead and call him Popeye, because it really suits him. He is a one-of-a-kind cat.

    And Popeye’s laugh goes like this: guh ka ka ka ka ka I just YouTube-ed him.

    Great anniversary gifts all around. Congrats again!

  154. Congrats on the book pick and the adorable new kitty. What about calling him Popeye? It’ll give him confidence (for punching out those bats) and you can feed him your uneaten spinach.

  155. We had a little orange guy like this one show up at our door a little over a year ago. He was named “Honey” until we discovered that he was a boy and so he became Leo. I’ve always wanted to name a cat D’Artangnan, so I vote for that one.

    I’m glad that this little guy is getting a lovely home with wonderful people. Can’t do better than little tiny kitten love.

  156. Orange kitties are the BEST. Every cat i ever have will be measured against our Hobbes, who has been gone almost 10 years….
    Whatever you name him, he’s lucky to have been rescued by you!

  157. He will be a little shit. He will be totally adorable at the same time. I think your hubsand is awesome. How about Corncob, Cornie for short?

  158. My neighbor’s cat is named Lucious Meowfoy and it’s the best cat name I’ve ever heard. Well, that and “meow is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country”. Congrats!

  159. Oh my gosh, kitty is adorable!!! Please pick Chairman Meow. Come on, that’s funny.

  160. Sergeant Whiskers — jockey whip required

    Agent C. — fedora hat required



  161. I love titles on pets so Mr. Perkins gets my vote. However, his super-secret first name should be Marlin, so you can have him do off-camera narration of Ferris Mewler’s on-camera stunt work “I’ll wait here [someplace safe] while Ferris [does something or other with the dangerous wild animal.]”

  162. Mr. Perkins! You could hang a little key on his collar and everything! Although it would ruin the suprise when he turns out to be evil and tries to eat your face.

  163. The sloth and wallaby were freaking awesome. Victor kicks ass. He’s such a good sport. Ug (shortened from Popeye’s laugh), not to be confused with Ugg, would be short and sweet, especially when you’re disgusted with something. Oh, I guess that would be Ugh.

    Chairman Meow Dartanian has a ring to it, though.

  164. My vote is for Marmalade. My Marmie was the best cat EVER in the history of cat-human relations!

  165. I vote Chairman Meow too. Also, this cat is really cute, but if Victor is ALL that, why didn’t he get you a sloth? I saw that picture of you and the sloth…you were GLOWING. Maybe he found it threatening.

  166. Orange and stripey kitties are awesome. And I’m glad to see he actually has two eyes. Although it would have been cool to have a one eyed cat too.

  167. My neighbor’s dog would probably call him lunch. Come to think about it, my neighbor might too. I am not so sure about him.

  168. Popeye laughs, “Nyuk nyuk nyuk!”

    Be prepared: marmalade tabbies are BIG fu¢kers when they grow up. My parents’ Beamer grew to 22 pounds & my grandparents’ Bullit weighed 28 pounds. SOLID CAT MASS. No kidding: no fat, just muscle and bone and attitude and purries and lovins’. Congrats!

  169. Also, if you call him Chairman Mao, you’ll note that his initial–M–is right there on his forehead.

  170. Super cute! I think he was really trying to tell you that he wants to be called Popeye. Chairman Meow is a surprisingly popular name for cats. Its not unique enough for your cat 🙂

  171. I have an affection for ginger kittens! We have one as well! I wanted to name her Pekoe (as in tea) but my son named her Sage. She’s very wise…..

  172. Victor….you are the best husband in the world.

    This post made me sob. I mean really, right now there are tears streaming down my face.

    Best gift ever! *And I know you know that Jenny, because you too are AWESOME like that*

    THATS what you should name this little guy. AWESOME! Because your whole family is awesome!

    I only hope one day I find a man as wonderful as Victor. Can we clone him?

  173. Hunter S. Thompson is definitely the right name for that little guy. Happy Anniversary!

  174. Ginger kitties are the bomb. My current Ginger is Eliot – who is adorable & sleeps on my head, but will also rip your arm off. (Comes with the Ginger.)

  175. The whole Mr. Perkins thing made me think Marlon Purrkins would be perfect – cuz he’s a Wild Kingdom kitteh – RAWR!

  176. I vote the super adorable feline child be named Jay-Z. For the most obvious reasons.

  177. Chairman meow is one of my all time favorite cat names, but with the stink eye that kitty can already give I’d go for hunter s Thompson

  178. The primary thing to keep in mind when naming a pet is that when the vet comes out to call for you at the office, you want everyone else there to hear your pet’s name and think, “That is so fucking cool, I wish I’d named my cat/dog/iguana/sloth that!”

    Ok, we’ve been sitting here reading all the comments and we have some suggestions. Some of them are to second ones already in the comments.

    Meow tse Tongue
    Catmeron Frye

    Happy kitten naming!

  179. I already HAVE an orange cat named Chairman Meow. If you name your cat Chairman Meow, I’m going to tell all my friends that The Bloggess totally copied me.

    Please name your cat Chairman Meow.

  180. HOLLY SHIT! (sorry for the french) BUT I HAVE A CAT THAT LOOKS JUST FREAKING LIKE THAT! NO JOKE! when i saw the pics i was like whats my cat doing at your house?! mines a boy to! i called him PriNce 🙂

  181. I can’t type well because The Queen, my cat, is insisting on attention. I am holding the iPad above my head to stay out of HRH’s way. Cute kitty! Kittens are so horribly naughty, I can’t wait for the stories. I vote for Chairman Meow. Oh, The Queen, officially known as Ella, put my husband in the hospital for three days!

  182. I vote for Mister Perkins. I just got a new kitten and she has the cutest mustache. After much consideration, I named her Clouseau.

  183. What a nice boy Victor was to get you the kitten! I just read about Posey last nite … I’m so sorry. My best friend of nearly 20 years was named d’Artagnan … Dart’s easy to spell …

    Have fun!

  184. That is so wonderful! Orange boys are the best … I am currently a slave to two. Best wishes for the new addition to your family.

  185. If he wont stop purring call him Popeye Motor Mouth. He is pretty cute. Well done Victor – can see why this marriage is lasting! He pleases all the women in his family! Bet Hailey is wrapped as well.

  186. Love the Chairman Meow pun, but it seems he’s already told you his name is Hunter S Thompson.
    If you don’t listen, he’ll just keep telling you louder and get into your meds and mess up the house and then blog about it and become even more unbalanced…it never ends well…

  187. I have to 2nd the Catmeron Frye to go along with Ferris Mewler. The eye winking reminds me of the scene in the movie when Cameron is on the phone pretending to be Sloane’s father.

  188. What an absolutely adorable kitten! And what a good thing Victor did. No animal ever replaces another, but getting a young ‘un sure does take your mind off how much you miss the old one. Especially if they keep you as busy as I suspect this little orange guy is going to! He’s just beautiful. I hope he has a long and happy life with you guys!

  189. Though Chairman Meow made me smile, I’m voting for Hunter S. Thompson. His attitude says Hunter S. Thompson. And you’ll have that advanced warning on bats you always wanted.

  190. Hi, Congrats on the new kitten and sorry about the loss of Posey.

    I am just writing to tell you I just read your book…loved it. Can’t wait for volume 2.

    Also, have your heard of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast? I think you should go on there and talk to Paul. THAT would be AMAZING. I would like to go on the show and talk to Paul, but I am exceedingly unknown and probably not as funny as I think I am.

  191. Did this already get submitted? Something strange just happened and I’m not sure that you received my comment. I said that I like your book, just read it and I’m happy for the new cat, sorry for your loss of Posey, and I think you should go on the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast. It’s about crazies like us. I tried to be funny in my comment, too, but I probably wasn’t.

    By the way, I have appropriated your phrase “feeling stabby.” I find it frighteningly accurate.

    Thank you, and please keep doing what you do!

  192. CONGRATS!! I’m tired so I have nothing to offer by way of possible monikers for the beautiful kitteh, BUT I do want to tell you how adorable I think he is! Especially that upper-right hand pic on the montage…he shows such personality.

  193. I don’t know about anyone else, but that kitten totally looks like a Waffles to me. (Although Chairman Meow is a good second option.)

    Congrats on the new kitten and your anniversary!

  194. I had an orange kitty show up on my doorstep on Halloween 3 years ago. We fell in love with her and named her Matilda. She is such a lovey kitty.

    I vote for Hunter S. Thompson but like the ideas of Popeye, Fidel Catstro and Bob Barker that others have mentioned above. I could see him with a little microphone yelling “Come On Down!”

  195. This is a long shot that this comment will catch your eye, but I was introduced to a show called Oddities tonight. It comes on the Science channel, have you heard of it?? It’s right up your alley, Jenny!! There’s a shop in NY called Obscura (and one in San Fran I believe), and they are collectors of weird/unusual/odd/freaky things ranging from death masks, mummified remains, medieval medical tools, you name it. People come to them in search of specific items, and if they don’t already own them, they’ll go shopping. It’s like storage wars for the twisted and misunderstood. I can only imagine you’d find your next treasured addition to your collection! 🙂

  196. What a cute lil’ guy. I get the feeling he might not have been the right kitten if he was not so troublesome. I love rescue cats–every cat I’ve had has been a shelter cat. Our latest kitten started meowing incessantly when I saw orange-kitten’s pictures. I think he got jealous.

  197. His eyebrows are so McDonaldesque , so Golden Arches-  can’t be ignored  sorry I ruined any ability to not see this overt freak of kitten nature . S if the rabbit from the middle of your pug’s forehead is haunting you….

  198. Oh dear. Nobody warned you that the orange ones are poison? As the “owner” of an orange cat, all I can say is, “HA HA HA HA!!! Good luck with that.”

  199. He looks like my recently acquired ginger ninja, Much. Good luck with the tiny beast.

  200. I think the Popeye laugh is something like ‘ah guk guk guk guk’?
    He’s a handsome/adorable little dude. You have a Ferris Mewler… maybe he needs another John Hughes film/character name that can make a delightful catesque pun.

  201. Awwwww to sweet congrats on the new furry baby 🙂 And just an FYI I just joined Goodreads today and I have only one book added on there so far. It’s yours. Because I am currently reading it. For a 3rd time 😀

  202. I think you should call him Ginger Ninja, because it would kind of be a tribute to Tim Minchin 🙂

  203. He is adorable. Way to go Victor. My hubby got me puppies when we bought our first home earlier this year, but I think it was more of a way to put off having another baby than anything else. And it’s not really working… we’re not technically trying, but we’re not stopping it either. Oh. And I want another puppy. I need chaos. I’m not happy til I’m pulling my hair out from stress!

  204. What a cutie! I hope he settles in well to your family.
    (…I have to admit, I think the sloth was a more adorable pet though)

  205. i’ve seen rescue cats do the Popeye so many times. Or the Pete Postlethwaite or the John Merrick or the Ernest Borgnine. Then a month later when they’re satisfied they’ve won you over they suddenly give themselves a shake and they look like Jude Law.

  206. So, I hope you know I will forever more refer to this cat as Chairman Meow, whether or not you actually name him that.

    So hello, Chairman! You are a rather adorable fellow.

  207. Dear Jenny,
    Your cat is cute. But….you should visit me in London because I have found some of the most amazing taxidermy ever: visit Julie’s restaurant for a posh dinner and squirrels playing cards and smoking, visit Camden market to take home a fox eating a bird, an albino sloth-type, or a massive boar head, or visit Islington taxidermy shop for zebra, because who doesn’t need a zebra. Or you could just taxidermy the cat. That way you won’t be heartbroken. Ever.
    Cuddles to Chairman Meow.

  208. You had a Posey [blessings and RIP]. I think you should name this little one Parker.

    Get it? Parker and Posey? Parker Posey?

    Oh, never mind…. ;>ppp

  209. Congratulations on your newest family member!

    My first thought was “Bugsy K. Mugglesworth”.

  210. I think you just wrote a koan – “What is the spelling of Popeye laughing?”

  211. Oh, lord, kittens are my crack cocaine. I cannot go to shelters because I want to rescue them all.

    I vote for Chairman Meow!

  212. I vote for Chairman Meow!

    You make me laugh…and snort. While not sexy, it is certainly a very high honor!

  213. I think Popeye’s laugh goes sort of like ‘ha-cack-cack-cack-cack’ in my memory, and I would almost recommend you call him that because hey, how fun would it be to say ‘this is my cat – Ha-cack-cack-cack-cack’ and then have people be all ‘wtf why did you just do Popeye’s laugh, are you having an aneurysm and also I still don’t know your cat’s name’, but…

    Okay I kinda lost my train of thought there. Name him Ha-cack-cack-cack, please. Or at least photoshop a deer stalker (aka ‘death frisbee’) onto that picture with the pipe?

  214. Too stinkin’ cute! I would love to see a monocle added to the top-right photo!

  215. I love Hunter and it may fit him but it has to be Popeye, the cat winks! How can one not name a winking cat Popeye? Having siad that – Mad Max might also wok particularly given the giant M

  216. Awwww…. so cute! Name him Walter Kronkat – now that’s a perfect name for such a perfect kitten!

  217. I always thought Popeye’s laugh was something along the lines of “yuk yuk yuk”, as opposed to the 3 stooges “nyuk nyuk nyuk”.

  218. Victor rocks. To express his love by making room for a new love…amazing. That is all.

  219. You have to name him Chairman Meow. It’s adorable and terrifying at the same time.

  220. Try photoshopping in a cigarette filter and bitching fedora. If it works Hunter S Thompson it is.

  221. valentine is awesome — i went to the link and teared up a little. whatever his name, he is a lucky kitty to have such a delightful home.

  222. awwww… we have a kitten too.. an all black one named skia (which is greek for shadow) .. .she’s a freakin ninja kitten

  223. How about Gonzo? Then you could reference the Muppets AND Hunter S. Thompson all in one tiny, easy-to-say name.

  224. He’s adorable! I look forward to learning what random-ass name you pick!

  225. Since you said he won’t stop purring, you could name him “Vladimir Purrin”. He looks appropriately Russian to me 🙂 Congrats! Nothing helps heal the hole in a heart like a new kitten!

  226. We adopted a 3yr old orange tabby last year. Our vet says theyre the most affectionate breed of cat. Our baby is unfortunately stuck with the name Tigger, since he knew his name when we got him and I didnt have the heart to try to force him to change it. Of course my previous cats were named Twinky and Chips, so I really cant give Tiggers previous owner a hard time. Lol

    Whatever you choose to name your new kitty, hes adorable.

  227. I wonder what the real Mao would have thought about all the felines that are apparently named after him. I’m sure adorable kitten quotient in an important but largely under-reported statistic in politics.

  228. I already know someone with a cat named Chairman Meow! So hilarious.

  229. My vote is for Chairman Meow, too … and he looks hilariously awesome as Popeye. Sounds like he’ll be a fun addition to your already wild and wacky household. 😀

  230. Chairman Meow.

    Or, if you’re feeling the least bit dorky, Schrödinger. Seriously, go Google Schrödinger’s Cat Paradox if you’re bored…

  231. freakin awesome kitty pixs! glad that your book is #1. 22 years of marriage gives me huge appreciation for free husband humor: dick-tick. the universe is one. insects always go for the star fruit on a plant. reason enough not to be the best at everything.

  232. My husband named his cat D’Artagnan. Cute that he gave her a boy’s name, but of course everyone refers to her as “he”–even the vet, which gives me pause about his qualifications. (He looks like a Versace model, so I forgive him.) Now D’Artagnan has d’iabetes, and let me tell you the fun I have at our lo-rent drugstores trying not only to explain that the syringes and insulin are for my cat, but then spelling her name–and explaining that she’s not a he. Oh, my point? Stick with Victor as a name for little Mr. Kittypants.

  233. Happy, happy anniversary. I don’t think any name at all ever could top Ferris Mewler, but my vote is for Chairman Meow. He looks like he will soon take over the house and terrorize the older kitties, so he is going to be The Chairman anyway. Jenny, you rock, rock my world. I lent my copy of LPTNH to my sister and my neice of 14 is making my sis read to her from it every night. You are so awesome and LPTNH deserves every single kick ass review and top pick that it gets. Happy, happy Jenny. YAY.

  234. Cute kitten! Given his barfiness and inevitable penchant for troublemaking, I would recommend Barf Simpson. Also, ordered your book on amazon uk and it should be arriving tomorrow. Exciiiiiited!

  235. Super cute kitty….he looks like the cat that lives under my deck who we call Outside Kitty and is totally afraid of us.

  236. Please!!!… name him Hunter S Thompson, that is totally his name (I can tell by his eyes).
    …Mother of Albert E Triscuit Arthur The Cat

  237. I think it’s a toss up between Chairman Meow and Hunter S. Thompson, both very good names. BTW I read your book in record time, I couldn’t put it down! I started it Friday night, read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open and then picked it up as soon as I woke up Saturday and read until I finished it! Hmmmm, I think I have come to the conclusion that I have no life… Anyway I loved it!

  238. Just because my cat is 12 years old, doesn’t mean it’s too late for me to rename him Chairman Meow…right? He already acts like a dictator anyways…

    Et tu, tutu?

  239. LOVE the kitten pics. (Wish you wouldn’t have said “dick tick” although I’m not sure I could have laughed any harder had I not seen the spoiler.)

  240. We named our ginger kitten “Loki”. For reference… Never EVER name your kitten after the Norse God of Mischief. Frankly, its just begging for trouble.

    You should totally go with Hunter S. Thompson for your little ginger dude. That is the awesomest (real word?) cat name in the world.


  241. Please tell me Mr. Perkins is a reference to the best damn action chick movie eva- The Long Kiss Goodnight. And if it is, my vote is for Mr. Perkins.

  242. All I can think when I see the photo with (insert kitten name here) with a blue bow is this:

    Swagger bitches. I has it.

    That is all.

    The End.

  243. I like Hunter S Thompson, then you can just call him Gonzo for short.

  244. I just spit my coffee all over my computer, so I’ve got to type this fast before it starts sparking and dying and causes my boss to fire me. But holy hells bells– my cat’s name is Hunter S. Thompson! I always thought you were like my blogging soul mate, but now it’s official. Because, clearly, considering the same cat name means you’re basically the same person.

  245. Well blow me down!!! We used to have a cat like that named Dude. Sadly, he was possessed by Satan. I’m sure that this cat is not. I mean what are the odds? Good luck.

  246. Here’s how you spell Popeye laughing:


    Love, love, love the new baby. Rescue kitties are the best! And even thought they may act mentally unbalanced, they’re still eternally grateful.

  247. You won’t believe me, but I have an orange rescue cat that we very nearly named D’Artagnan. For some reason, I kept thinking the name in my head the way the crazy guy yelled it at the start of the Three Musketeers movie (the one with Charlie Sheen in it). All high-pitched and crazy sounding. “D’ARTAAAGNAAAAAAAN!!!”

    We ended up calling him Buddy instead. We just thought it would be too ridiculous if we had people over and we needed to call the cat for some reason.

  248. If I ever get another cat, I’m naming it Mr. Meowgi. I don’t even care if it’s male or female.
    The Great Oz has spoken.

  249. Cute kitten 🙂 Are you sure he does not have feline cerebellar hyposplasia?

    Also known as “wobbly kitten syndrome”, feline cerebellar hyposplasia (CH) is often easy to spot; kittens’ heads wobble, their legs shake, and they often fall over while walking or are unable to walk at all. CH occurs when the pregnant mother is exposed to feline distemper (also known as feline panleukopenia), thus exposing her babies in utero. Because the disease can cross the blood-brain barrier, it causes damage to the kittens’ cerebellum and prevents them from developing properly. The cerebellum is the center coordination, balance, and motor skills, and the damage to the brain is permanent and there is no treatment. However, kittens learn to compensate somewhat as they grow, can live a normal life expectancy with no other health problems, and are well able to live full and happy lives when in the care of understanding humans.
    CH kittens often grow at a slower pace and reach a smaller adult size than typical cats. Many CH cats also have sight problems, but it can be difficult to evaluate their sight because of their unusual posture, gait, and head tremors. Adult cats with CH often still have tremors, jerky movements, awkward walks, and frequent falls. They like to lean on walls or furniture when sitting or lying down, and they enjoy toys hanging from doorknobs at a level low enough that they can bat them around while stitched out on their backs or crouched down low. CH cats often need special non-tipping food and water bowls, litter boxes with ramps and high sides (so they can climb in and then lean), and assistance getting up on beds and couches. (My CH cat climbs the couch instead of jumping.) Fortunately, CH symptoms do not worsen with age, and often improve a bit, but CH cats will always show some decreased ability to coordinate movements, thus growing from “wobbly kittens” to “clumsy cats.” Some CH cats have broken whiskers from their misadventures, but serious injuries are quite rare. Fortunately, CH cats seem so unbothered by their condition that it is hard to pity them. Most have sunny dispositions, affectionate natures, and tenacious spirits. They can do almost anything an average cat can do, but simply have to do it in a different way. For example, a typical cat might jump onto a bed with ease, but the CH cat will climb the overhanging blanket to get to the same place.

  250. According to wikiquote, this is how you should spell popeye’s laugh:

  251. Chairman Meow is my favorite cat name of all times. and what we were going to name our latest until we started to worry about the red scare… We named him La Bamba instead (after the trumpet player on the Conan O’Brien Show), but everyone thinks we names him Obama, and asks if we really named him after the president (to the delight of our liberal friends, and the disgust of my right-wing parents).

  252. Well heck yeah…it should be # 1. As a fellow RA Sufferer…thanks for the chapter! As for your fuzzy little anniversary gift…I once gave my Mom a crazy Boston Terrier for her birthday to wit she replied…”A Sweater would have been nice.” She died and left me the dog. She’s a little inbred hoot!

  253. While attempting to read the inner flap of your book jacket to my husband, I laughed so hard and continuously that he had to GET OUT OF HIS CHAIR, CROSS THE ROOM, take the book from me, and READ IT HIMSELF. That’s right….. One book jacket = Three miracles!

  254. The cuteness is almost overwhelming. Nicely done, Victor.

    My vote is for Hunter.


  256. Dear Bloggess
    I am really surprised at you. Doesn’t everyone know that Popeye laughs: Ug-ug-ug-ugug?

  257. this is wonderful and i look forward to many more antics of this kitty. BEST. CAT . NAME. this coming from someone who has a cat named Peepee. Alos had kitties named Lucy’s fur coat, Paisley Shag Hide-a-bed and Ho-bag. Vet’s hate this.

  258. Chairman Meow is the name of the awesome cat in Cassandra Clare’s Mortal Instruments series… My vote is that!

  259. Thsi baby reminds me of the kitten we adopted about a year ago. He would not respond to any names we tried. For a cat name to be successful, they must respond to it! One day, he jumped out of a box to scare someone. Sean, my boyfriend was passing by, he said, “Good One!!” The kitten looked at him and meowed. Sean said, “Good One?” The cat meowed and rubbbed against his leg. So Goodwin the Cat was named. He has a quirky sense of humor as Goodwin is one of hte worst kittens we have ever had! Playing nonstop, wrestling the older cats, chasing at all hours, stubborn, into everything and through it all we are calling “GOODWIN!”

  260. Is he a Main Coon? He’s got that distinctive “M” on his forehead!

  261. Clearly you must name the cat Pickle! Am I the only one that fondly remembers this book from childhood? It features an orange kitten named Pickle (because he is constantly getting in trouble), AND I just realized that the little girl protagonist is named Jenny! If you don’t name your cat Pickle you should at least try to find a copy of The Little Kitten to read. Sweet story with lots of 80s looking photography, how can you go wrong?

  262. It does help. I didn’t want to believe it either after I lost my rottie Hannah, but then my wife got us a puppy and sure enough – it did.

    Kitten rescue is NEVER a bad thing.

  263. Hi, I love the kitten. Also, I love your book, so far, haven’t finished yet. I want to write to you also to tell you one of my theories but I don’t know how to do that. Please help. I think you are my soulmate. Not in the stalking way though. Have a good night!

  264. My preferred cat names:
    ASBO – acronym for the charge placed on the drunk and disorderly, verbally abusive, public urinating types and stands for Anti-Social Bahavior Order.
    MOZZLE – How hillbillies pronounced the German while white Moselle
    ELVIS – no reason. I just want to be be able to say ‘Elvis has left the building’ when someone asks me where the cat is.

  265. I can tell you why Goodreads and Facebook rank your book as number one…it’s freakin’ awesome! I recently read it while on a solo trip to see family and my aunt thought I had lost my mind while reading your book. She just didn’t understand why I kept laughing. And apparently reading only snip-its to an unexpecting person doesn’t give the full flavor of your book. I have however required all of my friends to read it. We’ll see if any of them listen.
    Thanks for the great entertainment…here and there.

  266. SOOOOOOO CUTE!!! Altho I personally like “Ginger Ninja” as a name! 🙂

  267. A friend had me adopt a “warehouse” kitten. They think the litter was born in October. I named her Lucy – it’s short for Lucifer!! No kidding! We celebrate her birthday on Halloween. You can be petting her and about the third stroke she will bite the hell out of you. Still this way after three years. I swear she bites to show affection. This year she has discovered the cat gifting trait – she doesn’t kill anything – she comes In the doggie door with LIVE snakes. Can’t tell you how much I enjoy seeing slithering snakes in the house!! I know it’s her – I caught her the other night. I think she took pride in making me run around late at night yelling “noooooooo” – gotta love cats.

  268. Hey! I started reading your blog last year (First post: “Knock, knock mother fucker”) and have been loving it ever since. I even bought your book, sort of, a couple days after it came out but haven’t read it yet. Before someone strings me up for a good ol’ fashioned hangin’, let me explain why. Last year my husband and I packed up our family and moved to China. When your book came out I had my mother purchase it immediately so she could bring it to me when she visited in late April. Her suitcase was loaded up with goodies for us from Canada and as soon as she arrived I opened it and went in search of my book. We looked and looked but, low and behold, there was no “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”. Trying not to appear too devastated (she had just traveled 30 or so hours to see her beloved daughter) I moved on with my life and accepted that I would have to wait for my story. I have avoided anything on your blog that would ruin my experience when I finally get to read it, but I must say I am loving your last couple posts. Too funny! BTW, the book was safely packed away in her suitcase – then she switched to a smaller one that would be easier to handle and forgot to check all the pockets:(. Only three more months and I’ll have my copy. Then I can start neglecting my children and husband for a book. Keep up the great work!

  269. My daughters’ half-brother is named D’Artagnan. No. I’m not kidding. Try learning to spell that before entering Kindergarten!

  270. My cat’s name is d’Artagnan. For what it’s worth. But I think you’re right about the Hunter S. – definitely seems to suit the little guy. 🙂

  271. You do realize that the Brady Bunch look requires 9 pictures of Hunter. I’m sure you have that many by now. Thank you for not naming him Greg,Peter or Bobby. Although naming a cat after the always allusive Sam the butcher would work

  272. We had a rather grumpy but wonderful kitty named Mao-Tse. I named her. My husband would get pissed off at the weird looks we got at the vet and would try to pass her off as “Mousey” but I would loudly correct him. He got me back with Cujo and Misery. I am currently thinking about Catstro partly because I figure it would piss off my Cuban emigre in-laws.

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