me: You know what I hate? Those toe shoes.
Victor: You hate ballet slippers?
me: No, I mean those sneakers that have all the toes separated.
me: I feel like they’re discriminatory to people with webbed feet.
Victor: You mean webbed toes?
me: Both, I guess. I just don’t see why I need to show off that my toes can separate. It feels showy.
Victor: I get it. But maybe that’s your only good feature and you really need to show it off.
me: Thanks, asshole.
Victor: No, not you you. I mean the universal you. Maybe some people have nothing better to show off than their lack of webbed toes.
me: True. I guess I shouldn’t take that away from them. From now on when I see people wearing these shoes I’m going to high five them and be like “Congrats for not having webbed toes!” because they probably don’t get that enough.
Victor: Technically I’d like that high five right now.
me: You don’t have webbed toes?
Victor: We’ve been married for 17 years and you still don’t know that I don’t have webbed toes?
me: I never noticed. You don’t own any of those toe shoes.
Victor: THAT DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE WEBBED TOES. Wait, do you have webbed toes?
me: You know, I once thought that I did but that maybe I’d stretched out the webbing. Like maybe my toes are supposed to be a foot long but the webbing starts an inch up.
Victor: Stop talking.
me: ‘Kay. Hey, congrats on not having webbed feet.
Victor: You too, buddy.
322 thoughts on “Congratulations to you.”
Read comments below or add one.
I triple unicorn love you. That’s all.
I want to stab people who wear these in the foot with a garden hoe. How dare they make duck people feel inadequate?
omg that’s holarious! i hate those shoes too. they just look weird… whorever invented them should take one and wack themself in the face with it. 🙂
So far the only people I’ve met who wear these are the kind of folks you’d describe as being “an odd duck.” Ironic or what?
you know who else wears sthose shoes? *assholes
All talk of webbed feet aside, they are 1) plain ugly and 2) can’t be particularly comfortable. So what’s the point?
I get annoyed when I see people running in those. Like, isn’t it enough that you can run, do you have to show off that your toes aren’t webbed, too?
I have many friends who love them and swear by the Vibrams. However, after 20 years of eschewing flip-flops, I’m just now getting used to having my big toe raped every time I take a step, and I can’t imagine raping ALL THE TOES.
i think they are Creepy. i feel very uncomfortable when i am around folks wearing them. it is like they are trying to hard to be human. like they are aliens trying to prove they are human… ” look we have toes”.
Not all of them are “between the toes.” My personal trainer wears them, loves them, but he told me they only appear to go between each toe.
Apparently they’re great for people who want to do more of a barefoot style of running. For now I’m sticking to my huge ole running shoes, but I’m not opposed to trying these someday! Just not for everyday wear.
I didn’t even know these were a thing. I’ve seen toe socks…which I guess is the only kind of sock-foot-covering you can wear with these shoes. The toe-shoe company and toe-sock company are clearly in league with each other.
And let’s say you have one or more oddly shaped toes. Not that I do. Um, the universal you. Yeah.
True story: Once I was stage manager-ing at a community theater in Boulder and there was a cute little 5 year-old in the play. He was in the dressing room complaining that his feet were cold, so I put him on my lap to warm them up with my hands. When I got to his toes I nearly jumped up and dropped the poor kid out of surprise. He had webbed toes. Seriously. I hadn’t noticed until I actually touched them.
So, yah. I could totally see how those shoes would clarify the issue.
P.S. Your conversations with Victor always make a good start to my day. Thanks for that!
I have webbed toes and I agree that these are discriminating against us weirdos with twin toes! Just look at the third FAQ on this page: http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/faq/biomechanics.htm. Jerks.
Yeah, creepy. When people wear them, to me they look like they waded barefoot thru a shallow pool of tar. And then decided not to clean their feet.
Those Vibrams are fugly because they accentuate your feet to the point where they look like hands and that hand/foot look is not flattering.
I like to run in clogs. Beat that, runners.
I loathe those shoes – Don’t like toe socks either. My fingers are much more independent than my toes. My toes are a tight knit crew, and far be it from me to separate them.
I really enjoy my vibrams… it’s like being barefoot, only without the “ow ow, that pavement is HOT motherfucker!” That and I can wear them in resturaunts.
I am totally NOT an alien for wearing them.
Plus, they discriminate against people who don’t have 5 toes on each foot. My daughter hates them because she’s got fewer than 10 toes.
Gotta love hippy pretentiousness!
Oh god those shoes are ugly. They’re like skinny jeans for feet… they really just don’t flatter anyone.
Awesome conversation! 🙂 Made me laugh out loud.
Those shoes creep me out…I shuffle past them as fast as I can when I see them in stores.
A positive spin on an otherwise fugly pair of shoes. :0) That’s why I love you…or in this case Victor (gotta give the man props on his toe-changing point of view).
Weird. I was just having a conversation with someone about those shoes. Namely about the fact that wearing them means you also have to invest in toe socks, because otherwise you can’t wear socks with them at all and then they will quickly start to stink horribly. So then you’d have to modify it to “Your feet are stinky. But hey, at least you don’t have web toes.”
Some guy wore them to dinner at a really nice restaurant the other night. I pitied his wife and wanted to help her get out of that horrible relationship.
I can’t wait until the winter when you start ranting about those ‘finger gloves’ and ‘arm shirts’ and ‘head hats.’
It’s like we’re not even a liberal society any more.
My husband wanted them for awhile. I am so grateful we were too broke to afford such ugly shoes. Gross.
Well, I wear them and they’re VERY comfortable. Also, they’re great for your back because you start walking “normally” instead of how you walk wearing shoes. My husband wears some ugly ones, but I got cute ones with laces like regular tennis shoes! And let’s be honest, they’re not nearly as ugly as Crocs.
I LOVE how you and Victor are always bringin’ the romance. Webbed toes not withstanding.
I salute people who have as much fun as the Tiger and I have, but who do so more articulately. Or quotably. Or something.
Yeah, those shoes are weird.
I can’t even stand wearing socks because they’re like prison cells for feet….the thought of isolating each toe in it’s own prison cell is enough to send a chill down my spine. Ick.
My dad owns a pair of these and i have never thought of congratulating him on his lack of webbed toes. This will be a great conversation starter for our next phone chat. Thanks 🙂
Congratulations to me! Can I throw myself a party?
They make your feet stink. I hate them. I realize runners and hippies love them, but people need to effing was them! I’m a massage therapist, and when I see people walk into my room with those on….UGH…
Why aren’t you writing for TV?!
the bf LOVES those shoes … and I just think they look strange. I even went so far as to buy him new sneakers so that he wouldn’t buy his own cuz then he would buy the toe shoes.
I usually pride myself on being very non-judgmental, but whenever I see someone wearing those damn things I automatically think, “I’m glad those shoes are ugly, you pretentious prick. You deserve ugly shoes for being so goddamn annoying.” It might have something to do with the fact that I overheard some fuckwad telling her friend that she usually runs “10 miles a day, but really wanted a shoe that would make it feel like she was running barefoot.” Seriously? Fuck you! If I’m running 10 miles a day, I’m strapping motherfucking mattresses to my feet just so my shins don’t explode out of my legs.
So, my backhanded congratulations would be, “Congratulations on not having webbed feet, but you’re still a colossal dick.”
Some chick was wearing them at work the other day…. I dont judge joggers that use them… but past that is worse that crocs
I think those are pretty terrifying and horrible no matter how you slice it. XD
Gah! Those things gives me the creeps! Please don’t use pictures like that again?
I hate running, never mnd those shoes 😀
My husband makes fun of me because I can separate my toes. My daughter has one foot from her dad (can separate her toes) and one webbed-toe foot, from me. What kind of shoes is she going to wear? It’s tough parenting these days…
This would be a bad time to admit that I HAVE WEBBED TOES…and that I have those shoes. They’re ridiculously comfortable for hiking, and my webbed, duck-feet fit in just fine. Haters. 😉
I read this and immediately looked at my husband’s feet. He now is trying to figure out who gave me crack for breakfast. ^_^ Thanks! I love when I make his day a little more weird.
I get this song in my head whenever I see those shoes.
I want to kick those fuckers in the num-nums when I see them wearing those fucking abortions.
for what it’s worth, I don’t like those gorilla feet shoes either.
*cough* I have some of those shoes, and I love them. I only wear them for exercise, not all the time, and they’re really comfy. But I will admit they make me look like a spaz.
Those shoes are creepy looking. I share your dislike.
Since the majority of us don’t use our toes to operate TV remotes, floss our teeth, or weave friendship bracelets, I just don’t see why the hell anyone would want to have each one individually wrapped in neoprene anyway. Not comfy!
I regret to admit that I do own a pair of these shoes. And they are comfy. And they separate my toes. And my toes are funky-shaped.
Thank you, though, Jenny. Now every time I want to wear them, I’ll feel like an asshole for not having webbed toes. Now who’s the asshole?! 😀
Syndactyly for the win! My sister once took toe socks, and cut the second and third toe apart on each sock and then sewed them back up so I could wear toe socks. Best. Big. Sister. Ever.
Also, I had a doctor tell me he could cut them apart once during an ankle surgery. I threatened malpractice when he would let up on it. NOT having my second and third toe attached on each foot would be *WEIRD*.
Whatevs. Don’t knock them till you’ve tried them… It’s like barefoot, but everywhere (including the grocery store). I do, however, still like my birkenstocks a little more though.
Thanks for the laugh. I think the shoe’s are ugly, too. Here’s a book about someone with webbed feet that you might love: THE PASSION by Jeannette Winterson.
I’m totally stealing “not you, the UNIVERSAL you” next time I toss out a rude comment at my husband. Thanks Victor!
I hate the toe shoes AND the toe socks…gloves for your feet. Ish. I suppose if I had some sort of toe talent, like playing piano or the ability to pinch someone with my toes I might tolerate them, for the practicality aspect. (I know someone who can do that…always been jealous of her ability to pinch her husband’s leg in the middle of the night with her toes).
OHMIGAH! Me too! Hobbit feet! My husband started wearing these about 2 months ago and I hate those bastards. I pay the children to hide them (so I don’t have to touch them). The first pair had RED between the toes. RED! Gross. Bloody toes. The second pair … green. Seriously. Those shoes MUST go.
A friend of mine is a world-level athlete and is sponsored by them. He’s been trying and trying to get me to at least try a pair. Of course I can’t. I don’t have webbed toes, but my second toe is longer than my big toe. So it ain’t happening.
If only Crocs made toe shoes. Then the world would explode in a paroxysm of tacky motherfucking footwear.
I had to check my feet.
I feel obligated to get a pair of these shoes now. I don’t want people thinking I have webbed feet.
And a pair of gloves while I’m at. No webbed hands here, move along!
I actually laughed out loud. Good thing no one else was at work yet.
I agree with Rachel – “they’re not nearly as ugly as Crocs.” Still, the toe shoes creep me out.
But now there are several brands to choose from, many styles. Or perhaps that’s just more shoes to mock the webbed-toe people, “ha, you can’t have US either!”
Personally, I feel those shoes are biased against me because I have “Morton’s Foot”, the technical term for when your second toe is the longest rather than your first. I stand against the tyranny of the big toe!
If I ever get a pair of those, they will have seven toes on each foot.
If you have to gross people out, gross ’em out good and proper.
I didn’t read all these comments, but I love my toe shoes. They are the most comfortable shoes ever… I mean EVER EVER.
Nope, I’m still not on the web-toed shoe band wagon.
And I think folks should do their gardening with catcher’s mitts on their hands, cuz…..what kind of person uses those creepy fingered gloves?
I do too. Oh man, they gross me out. I understand that they’re very comfortable to run in, but they look like freaky post-apocalyptic baby booties.
Cute conversation between you and your husband. Those shoes are horrific.
I can’t stand men who wear Birkenstock shoes with socks but the photo of shoes you have just shown are gross.
Someone I talk to online *loves* those shoes, she swears they’re the most comfortable shoes she’s ever worn (she even wears them to work everyday). I do think they look weird, but no more weird than 4″ platforms.
I could never wear a pair…I have two toes on each foot that are joined just that little too high up. So thanks for making me feel inadequate asshole. *sniff* 😉 . That’s assuming they’d even make them in a men’s UK size 9 (I really don’t want to know!). lol.
I LOVE my toe shoes, so does my hubby. We both have a couple pairs and have worn them everywhere. They are really comfortable if you prefer to be barefooted. If I could wear them to work I would. Just thought I should give the shoes some love. Yes they look strange but they are so comfortable. If you like getting pedicures and the toe spacers don’t bother you then you’ll love these shoes.
When I was a kid, I had a crush on a boy with webbed fingers. Damn those smug glove wearers, too!
I have webbed toes and I thank my father’s and grandmother’s DNA for them every time I see someone wearing these things. The best part? I get to wear Sockwa G3’s as my minimalist shoes for running — they are awesome, less expensive, and look much cooler. That’s what we like to call an all-around win for the webbed-toed. Fo sho.
LOL, as someone in the footwear industry, let me tell you, we all hate those shoes…. 😉
I don’t get out much, so have never actually encountered anyone wearing these things, but if there ever comes a time I find myself toe-to-toe with someone wearing them I’m gonna have to ask them to explain things.
One day I hope Chris and I are even a 1/3 as awesome as you two are!
They are creepy though right?
I don’t think I’m won over. But I COULD BE — if they made some with little people-faces on each toe, so I can act out little puppet-show dramas with my feet, where every toe is a character. That, I would buy.
There could be sets — like, where each foot is characters in a warring faction against the other foot. Sharks v. Jets. Capulets v. Montagues. Mel Gibson (big toe, natch) and the other blue-faced Scottish people v. … those other Scottish people.
I scrolled down here and found that Kate above me here said exactly what I was going to say. HRMPF.
apparently you also can’t wear them if your “index” toe (the one next to your big toe) is longer than your big toe. so now you can congratulate people for having linearly sized toes in addition to not being webbed. big day for all.
I hate those toe shoes. They are like the opposite of Crocs (which maybe should be the official shoes for people WITH webbed feet), and I hate those too.
I own a pair of these Vibrams, I do not have webbed feet, and I go running in them. They offer great support and added balance.
I do not have webbed feet and I am proud. Although I am simply terrified of all people wearing normal shoes now…
I have webbed toes – my second and third toe are slightly webbed. So these shoes stand for everything I can never be *sniff*
My cousin wears them and for good reason: regular sneakers gave her plantar fasciitis. I have plantar fasciitis, too, and she swears these will help — after I get though the next 4-6 weeks of pain and night splints and shots and physical therapy and not being able to walk after siting for five minutes or sleeping.
Did I mention how painful this plantar fasciitis is? And I can’t even walk on a beach without pain!
If these rescue me like they did her (she runs freaking MARATHONS in the things) they will be my favorite shoes for life. I don’t care what they look like.
However, please don’t get me started on ugly man-sandals…all those thick yellow toenails and tow hair. Ick!
And Uggs. Seriously. Who would choose to wear shoes that sound like an exclamation of disgust?’
Don’t judge me for my (future) toe shoes. No hating on the shoes! Practice toe shoe tolerance!!
Oh my stars… great post! Hooray for not having webbed toes/feet/whatever! I win at something today!
These shoes freak me out. I wonder. Do they make them with different toe lengths? Because I have freakishly long monkey toes. Not that I would wear these shoes. I would never want to show off my monkey toes.
Thanks for the giggle over my coffee this morning, and thank you for also proving that other people have conversations like this with their husbands 🙂 Because I know I do
We call them monkey shoes, which may not be fair to the monkeys of the world, but when my kids wear them, it makes me feel better about things. I’m not sure why.
I don’t think I could wear those. They’d feel odd between the toes. I can barely tolerate flip-flops.
My hubby has webbed toes. It’s creepy. But really, they are perfect for the strangeness that is him.
Holy crap. All your notes have hardcore hate for those shoes! Um. I love them. They’re like being barefoot. I know they’re ugly but I have heels for cute times. Toe shoes are for proper barefoot running form. Why does everyone hate me for that?!
Well, I for one, would like to get a high five for having webbed toes. That doesn’t happen nearly as often as one would think.
I attempted to try on a pair of those once to see what the big deal was. It seems I have codependent toes. They refused to be separated into solitary confinement. In the end, the weeping was so severe that I had to give in and put my toes back into my regular shoes where they could snuggle together.
*TOE hair. TOE. Not TOW. Sheesh. Damn you autocorrect!
I gotta say, I hate those shoes too, but with my RA, they help keep my toes straight and from crossing over each other like some intricate Chinese puzzle.
I hate those shoes too. my sister’s fiance insists on wearing them. gah.
i am however,
enjoying your book immensely. 🙂
I love my toe shoes, but kind of wish I had webbed toes (and fingers). It sounds like it would make my swimming better!
They are very comfortable. You don’t need to wear socks with some of them. I don’t see anyone wearing socks with sandals (or at least I shouldn’t), your feet don’t stink do they? They are machine washable and breathable. I don’t wear flip flops, gross.
I am forwarding this to my brother in law who does not have webbed feet and wears these things all the time.
I want a marriage like that one day…
I havr webbed toes and it has bren a constant source of insecurity, shame, and teasing my entire life. So, yes, these shoes are stupid (for a variety of reasons), but in my opinion so are flip flops and other open-toes that people with normal shoes can wear to be show-offy about thei non-webbed toes. And congrats to all of us who DO have webbed toes. We rock, too.
My brother in law was wearing those last wekend and I jokingly asked him if he was preparing for a Marathon. He said yes and I about fell over. Those shoes are still hideous. I just don’t get the point.
I saw someone wearing a pair the other day that only had 4 toes on them because the 2 smallest toes were combined into one bigger toe space. So.. if only your last 2 toes are webbed then you can still wear those ones. Just FYI…
Those shoes are wretched. You know what isn’t, though? RED WINE FUDGESICLES!!!!:
This is a the same conversation my boyfriend and I just had- even down to congratulating each other on the lack of webbing between our toes. kinda spooky.
I’ll freely admit to being one of the toe shoe freaks in fact I own two pairs. My husband begrudgingly lets me keep buying them. And is seen out in public with me. Maybe he’s actually flaunting the fact that I don’t have webbed feet – is that a thing?!?
I love them – I can be barefoot and not impale my feet on glass or rocks and bleed everywhere. Anti-fashion that’s what they are.
Both of my parents wear them. They say they’re really comfortable and they do help my dad when he runs. They’re definitely not the cutest shoes, but they absolutely have a function. I also noticed plenty of athletes wearing them when I was watching a few episodes of American Ninja Warrior.
I wonder how many people that have said they hate the 5Fingers own Crocs. Those are equally, if not more, ugly. And I haven’t seen that many people saying their crocs help with their fitness. =)
and they’re fucking ugly.
kudos to you Bloggess for standing up for the 0.04% of humans that were born with webbed toes!
I bet people would pay me good money NOT to wear those and show how deformed looking my toes really are. Some things are best kept hidden.
I wear those kind of shoes to run. They are comfortable and make me feel likle a superhero. Not an Asshole as some people like to suggest.
I always worry that if I were to wear toe shoes and try to kick something, my toes would break off because there wasn’t a big toebox to hold them all together. I have strange worries.
And this is why I don’t wear thong sandals (OK I also have some major issues with thong underwear AKA Lingerie of the Devil).
I come late to everything having to do with fashion and trends but I feel confident I’m going to let this whole what-the-hell-is-that-between-my-toes chaos pass me by. I get hives just thinking about it.
Feet creep me out. Anything to do with feet. So, those toe shoes. They REALLY creep me out!
Oh, they’re ugly alright. Which is why I went to REI right before they closed to buy them. Best running and river shoes EVER. (And mine are pink. So piss off.)
I have the Fila version of these and they are so damn comfortable. Less expensive too. Not having webbed feet, i can’t say how they would fit. I’m also not a runner. Please don’t hate me. They are ugly shoes though..though
I just always assumed, when I saw people wearing those shoes, that they had just forgotten to take off the rest of their chimpanzee costume.
I think they are the freakiest things since Jelly shoes.
I DO have webbed toes and I hate those shoes! Just jealous of the “normal” people, I guess. When we were kids, my best friend’s brother would walk behind me saying “Quack, Quack.” You would think they would make me a better swimmer, but no….
A friend of mine has those shoes and loves them; I remain skeptical. I can’t even wear toe socks, but not because I have webbed feet, I just have really short mutant toes that are probably vestigial… perhaps I was truly meant to have flippers…
How is it even comfortable to have your toes spread a 1/4 inch apart from every other toe? Does this not effect the function of toes? Also, I’m with Busy Mom of Twins, feet are nasty and all kinds of creepy! Why do we want to highlight them in this fashion? I don’t get it!
I am afraid at this stage in life, I can’t think of many other things to be congratulated on. My toe shoes now make me comfy, and sad.
Truly though? After knee surgery for issues that started because my feet are screwy I was left with a lot of pain and not a lot of mobility. I don’t run and probably never will, but wearing these shoes every day has me hiking and actually being active again. So if the toe shoes are the prescription to help us get healthier, I am ok with dirty looks from random strangers. It may get worse now that I am thinking about running (pun intended) with When I Blink’s suggestion for toe-characters. I may need some paint.
P.S. Smelly feet in these can be avoided with regular cleaning. Oddly, a short soak in warm water with a non-minty denture cleaner in each shoe, and then scrubbing them does wonders!
I do have webbed toes. But only between the 2nd and 3rd ones. The others aren’t webbed.
back boobs are the future! the post appears to be gone, so i’m posting this here (skip to 2:20 for the back boob-relevant part): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHBV7LOX-Xw
(I accidentally published that post for a second before I remembered I already had one up for today. ~ Jenny)
I can’t wear these shoes because my second (and third) toes are way longer than my big toe. So, they won’t fit. And if they did, they would only highlight the fact that I have freakish feet which I have tried to hide and/or buried in the sand my entire life. We should occupy this shoe company…by not occupying their shoes. Grrrr…
Love my toe shoes! I wear them hiking, at the river, working out, yoga. They are so much better for my feet than regular running/workout shoes which regularly give me foot cramps. Throw them in the wash once a week & you are good to go.
That said, I don’t wear them when I am just out & about. They are exercise wear for me & only wear them to exercise. I also wear Crocs doing yard work but never anyplace else. Sometimes ugly shoe styles are needed for specific things. I’m not doing sprints or weeding in my 3 inch heels.
I wear those shoes for running and will tell you they are incredibly comfortable and give the feel of running barefoot without the grubbiness that would occur from actually running barefoot 🙂 Sorry to those with webbed toes 🙁
So I have a pair and love them, especially for running. I figure that if I don’t have webbed toes/feet I might as well flaunt what my mamma gave me! Thank.you.very.much!
Yep, I totally have TWO pair of these shoes. One for running in and one for hanging around the house in because they’re ridiculously comfortable. And now, I’m going to wear a t-shirt that says “CONGRATULATE ME ON MY LACK OF WEBBED FEET” whenever I wear them 🙂
You make me laugh so hard. Thank you for that.
I hate everything about these shoes. I would rather cut my feet off with plastic spoons than have to wear them. That said, for those of you running/hiking/doing yoga with these fugly things on, that’s fine. Just please stop wearing them for non-exercising occasions. Not okay. Not ever. Same goes for Crocs. However, you’ll have to pry my Uggs from my cold, dead hands. 😉
Your conversations always make me giggle (even if I’m not in the mood to giggle).
I know one person who owns a pair of…those…and they creep me out. Totally give me the heeby-geebies!
Those shoes do NOT look comfortable. (And neither do webbed toes…)
In the step class I took on Tuesday, there was a couple who were sporting toe shoes. This is no step class for pansies, and I know when I need new shoes because my legs start to kill me from all the impact. Four songs into the class, the guy is moaning about his feet, shins, and calves. Yeah, because your shoes offer no shock absorption and you are leaping off the step like Billy Elliott. Go fig.
They are ugly, and I LOVE them.
I wear nothing else on my feet. It was either switch to these or endure knee surgery. Now, my knees are good, my bunions don’t hurt, and I can actually walk places that are more than 50 feet away.
And since I’m never going to win any beauty or fashion contests anyway… I might as well be comfortable.
MAGIC!!!! What you and Victor have it MAGIC!!!!! I would love to be a fly on the wall for all of your conversations with him. Ok, maybe not all since there are somethings you can’t unhear. But you understand…
I personally think that those shoes should be offered up as tribute, along with Crocs and Uggs, and have them battle it out to the death! My worst fear, however, is that in this fairytale world where shoes can fight, they will instead procreate, to make a plastic, toe-separating, knee-high ugg shoe, and we’ll all be doomed!
My brother-in-law has webbed toes and he’s a complete dickhead. Maybe I’ll get him these for Christmas.
The only thing I don’t like about them is the color schemes in which they are produced. You can’t really make them blend in with a normal outfit. Otherwise I’m fine with them. Some people would really rather go barefoot, but of course in business establishments you can’t do that, so this is a fine compromise. Lots easier on the feet than “normal” shoes with stiff soles.
I bought some of these toe shoes. I loved them except every single toe has to meet the toe shoe standard. Sadly, I had to return them because of my rebel baby toe. I feel like a foot-long failure – well played toe shoe people, well played.
I wear them all the time. I wasn’t aware I was showing off my non-webedness to those who are toe-webbed. Personally, I feel those who wear regular shoes are rubbing it in my face that they don’t have hammertoes that scream every time they step or bunions that hate their hips so bad they throw them out of whack by stepping weirdly.
They are ugly, and surprisingly comfortable. I like to wear them running cross-country and sometimes for short hikes. It gives my calves a really good workout and helps with your form. The padded running shoes make you more prone to heel strike since they take the shock. Running with these makes you land on your whole foot because otherwise it hurts. So I will go between running with them and my more traditional Asics.
Too funny! I don’t ‘get’ these shoes really – but my toes are so long they probably wouldn’t fit me anyways :). I rank this trend right up there with Harem Pants.
I have a friend who wears them. His young daughters call them his gorilla feet. I think they’re right!
ok, times to come out of the closet and confess that i go running inmy Vilbrams
I am the maid of honor in a wedding this month and we have to pick the song we walk into the hall to. I don’t know what to pick! I need something awesome and the boggles is the perfect person to pick for me! If you help i will send you a video of it! Thanks
I’ll never be able to wear them because I have absurdly short toes. Fingers, too. I loved those gloves that were popular a few years ago that looked like little kid gloves that were really stretchy when you put them on– the only time in my life that I ever had gloves that fit my hand and didn’t have dangly finger tips!
They make everyone look like they have gorilla feet.
Oh I hate those shoes so much. I kinda gag when I see people wearing them. True story.
I love everyone here so much. There is hope for our world. And I mean that in the universal our world way. Maybe I love Jenny a bit more… But you all “fill me up, you give me love, more love than I’ve ever seen” hahahahaha
Just looking at those makes the spaces between my toes itch.
Is a proud owner of 5 pairs of VFFs (I think my husband has at least the same amount, the kid has 1 pair). I love these shoes – my balance has improved, my toes that used to be snugglers are now independent little guys, I don’t have plantar fasciitis pain anymore, my shins don’t hurt anymore, the running form has improved, my running times and distance have also improved. Yeah they’re ugly, yeah people hate them but guess what, I don’t care. My health is more important that some random strangers opinion of my footwear. Also, Dana, they do come in a colour scheme that is suitable to blending in with outfits. The Sprint, KSO and TREKSPORT all come in solid black (for women). They even had a leather version up to last year that came in solid black or brown.
I have webbed toes and I wear those “toe” shoes. The trick was to cut open two adjacent toes on the shoe and sew them together to make a massive toe. I call them vibram *four*fingers instead of vibram fivefingers.
I love my Vibrams! My husband and I swear by them. We are not disillusioned to the fact they are tacky and creepy looking but damn they are so comfortable. I am a pet stylist so they make my life easier. They are definitely worn more for function than fashion. I almost want to wear then to the signing in Phoenix to see if you will fulfill that promise of a high five and congratulations for not having webbed toes.
I have nearly flat feet, and the Vibrams “toe shoes” are the only shoes that I can run in without getting cramps in my arches. Also, they strengthen foot and lower leg muscles that don’t get a good workout in regular running shoes.
I don’t care what they look like — I’m exercising, not sashaying down a catwalk.
That said, I’m sorry that the web-toed folks might feel discriminated against. All I can say is, there’s a shoe out there for everybody…even us flat-foots. ; )
Ewwwwe, shoe camel-toe.
I LOVE toe shoes. I had horrible planar fasciitis in both feet and could barely walk for the first few hours every day. I wore toe shoes for a year once my feet strengthened back up, the pain went away. They saved me from having surgery on both my feet. 🙂 I can’t stand the socks though. They just feel weird.
Zowie, I’m impressed by the haters. I love mine. Partly because they feel great, and partly because they’re ugly. I wear butt-kicking pumps all week. Weekends is my time to ignore social expectations.
This post was hysterically funny. =) I personally don’t like the style of shoe, but my husband has 2 pairs of them- he wears them daily, and since he started wearing them, his back is doing much better. Since he has permanent, degenerating back damage, I can forgive his ugly shoes, because, hey- at least he can walk now without being in agony, and that’s a pretty big deal to us. =)
I love you. You keep me happy throughout the work-days.
And for that, my co-workers thank you.
See also http://xkcd.com/1065/ for opinion on those shoes.
I fucking love my 5-fingers shoes! They are super comfy, I like the bright colors and they are nice to my knees after the work week in heels…also, I like people to know I don’t have webbed feet. Because I don’t.
My friend’s mom wears them. When we were at the beach I thought she left the coolest footprints.
I have a few pairs of these but I haven’t taken to overtly shouting to all onlookers that I do not have webbed feet. Maybe next time someone asks about them I’ll make it a point.
A woman in the gym was wearing these a few weeks ago & parading around as though she was something special. She was on the treadmill in front of me and looked completely ridiculous, so I gave the back of her head a death stare & didn’t laugh out loud (much) when she got her trouser leg caught in the belt & she fell off… My death stare is awesome! 🙂
Marc’s been wearing those ugly things for the last month or so. I was really enjoying making fun of him, but now I can’t run because of terrible shin splints, and he’s literally running circles around me. I think I see a pair of Vibrams in my near future. I’m willing to endure some ugly if I can run in the Zombie 5k.
I don’t have webbed toes, but I may as well for how well I can separate my littlest toe from you know, whatever the one next to the littlest one is called. Seriously, it’s like, this little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none. And this little piggy is fucked up and can’t be let out alone.
Holy cow! My friends & I had nearly this exact same conversation a couple weeks ago! Growing up, if someone gave me toe socks, I’d be all, “Thanks, jerk. I have webbed toes,” and then the socks would go in the bottom of a drawer, never to be worn.
So then I decided I should get a pair of toe socks, unstitch the sock between the two toes that are webbed, restitch that part into one hole, and then go around with those socks & flip flops. So then it would appear I have 5 toes on one foot & 4 on the other. It would be kinda like those sock/shoe/slipper/whatever things that ninjas wear.
Or, we just need to make foot mittens instead. It’s only right to prevent the discrimintation.
Rarely have I looked forward SO MUCH to the comments. Not disappointed.
I hate to say that I actually really want a pair of them. I hate wearing real shoes and I think it’d be like being barefoot all the time. *shrug*
I have a friend who totally loves these and runs in them because they simulate being barefoot, to which I ask: why not just go barefoot?
We must have a lot of webbed toed people around here because I have never seen anyone actually wear those. They’re creepy though and I hope I never see anyone in them. So weird. I DO however like toe socks though…
I have two webbed toes on each foot, and I’ve been emailing Vibram for two years now to see if they’ll help make me a custom pair. I’ve offered to pay shipping for any molding kits required and for the time needed to make a pair especially for me…no luck!
I want some! My friends who run in them love them dearly, and I’d love the chance to check them out. Vibram should hook us syndactylous peeps up!
I want a pair of those!
These shoes are fucking ugly! I’m soooo happy for people who think the shoes solved all their problems; but you can’t categorically say they’re better. I tried them and they weren’t comfortable and the snobby crap on all the websites about how they’re a superior shoe just makes me vomit. They’re creepy. Quit trying to be so damned superior when you look like an idiot. I actually can’t wait until we find out what these do for you long term; my guess is that for the non-hardcore runners they don’t do jack squat except screw you up in the head to think you are preshus and speshul.
I think they are creepy looking shoes. I used to babysit a child with six toes on each foot. She can’t wear those shoes!
I think those shoes are ugly every time I see them. They do look creepy.
And completely unrelated, I saw this on Amazon and immediately thought of your mushroom.
That’s hilarious. Now that I think about it those “shoes” are also discriminatory 20ish% of the population, I’m included in that statistic, with Morton’s toe (second toe longer than first).
i proudly flaunted my non-webbed feet last night in my toe shoes while walking the dog. a kid at the playground said: “your shoes are weird, you look like a duck” and i was all WTF kid, these shoes PROVE i DONT have webbed feet. shoes how much you know.
I have webbed toes and I totally wish I could wear shoes like that for exercising, but I can’t. Thanks to the Bloggess for standing up for my rights!
Yes yes, wierd toe shoe wars etc, but I think we’re missing a more important point here: Have you been time travelling again or has Victor forgotten how long you’ve been married?
boy child wants those toe shoes and i HATE them, too. they should just be illegal..and now i know WHY. because they are discriminatory. duh! they violate like title NINE or something. i can’t WAIT to tell him the new reason he can’t have them (because before it was “because i say so.”). *happy dancing*
I love those shoes so much. I know it’s weird to a lot of people, but they’re the most comfortable things I’ve ever put on my feet. It’s hard to describe, but it’s a little like having a sock–a really comfy sock–that has a slightly thicker sole. I can feel the ground but I don’t get jabbed by rocks. The texture of the world underfoot is there and tactile. I also am not carrying around a weight on my feet, the way I would with sneakers. I love the socks, too. They’re comfy and they don’t bunch up under my instep the way socks usually do.
That said, I hate the price on the shoes and the socks. Way too damned expensive.
Technically, I have webbed skin between my second toe and middle toe. On each foot. But I wear the Vibrams anyway. They’re actually pretty boss. Congrats to me for wearing Vibrams despite my toe webbings! Even though I only have two webbings. Is “webbing” a word? I hope so.
I do have webbed toes (2 on each foot) so these are not for me
I have freaky mutant toes that would never work with these. Freaky toe shame.
As a proud web toed (the second and third toe on each foot, they’re my twin toes!) person, I HATE those shoes! And toe socks. Someone made me a special twin toes pair of toe socks actually, but I still find them super uncomfortable. I just can’t imagine walking around with stuff between your toes all day!
@bunnyface & Katy bug – my daughters have that same webbed toes too! Actually my older daughter has it on both feet, and my younger only has it on one foot. Freaky. But even if they had normal toes they would not get those shoes – they give me the heebie jeebies.
When I see those, I always think the people wearing them are being supportive of those with a foot fetish.
I hate those toe shoes but my feet aren’t webbed. After 30-some years with my feet, my dear hubby bluntly put it, “omg you have a HUGE FAT SCARY BIG TOE. It dwarfs the others. It’s creepy.” Thanks. I HAD never noticed it but now I do. Constantly. And now I know why those girly shoes with the ring around the big toe have never fit. And why toe shoes will never fit, even if they are really ugly anyways. And now I go around barefoot (I HATE shoes) but keep looking at my freak toe and hope some weird toe fetish guy doesn’t try and stalk me.
I have some Vibrams. I find them very handy when hiking with my kids. They like to wade into streams and such and these are the perfect shoes for that.
I haven’t tried running in them, but I do walk in them sometimes. Of course, I don’t run well to begin with. Maybe eventually.
Personally, I think they’re a fashion faux pas. But I have a good friend who wears them all the time, and loves them- ( she has them in many colors! ) so when I asked her how she could be seen in public with these shoes, she explained to me that she has back problems, and the Vibrams help her alot.
I’m doing Tough Mudder this December (Google it if you don’t know what it is), and apparently that is the ONLY shoe to wear. If I end up wearing them, I will do so in remembrance of all those past and present who suffer from web-toe-ism.
Man, everything’s a social statement these days.
You know what I really hate? There is a pair of perfectly fit, toned people who jog past me wearing all *matching* spandex, breathing in synch with each other. Wearing those idiotic toe running shoes. They live in my neighbourhood. I have never seen them not jogging. It’s weird.
I love them. I have 2 pairs. They are the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever owned.
For those of you whose toes fall asleep and get all tingly when working out, these shoes are your answer.
And yes, I guess we’re bragging about not having webbed toes. I’ll take that high five. 🙂 And keep my ugly, comfortable shoes.
You have the best marriage ever! *high five*
Holy crap.. i HATE THEM TOO!! ARGGG cannot express the depth of my desire to vomit on these shoes, people without webbed toes shouldn’t boast. It might make our webbed friends feel bad. And ducks.
It was so hard for me to read this post, because the phrase/corresponding image of “webbed feet” (eeeek) totes makes me cringe. But it was hilarious, so I’m glad I stuck it out!
And the best part of this conversation is that it actually happened. 🙂
My husband has a pair and I HATE them. With the passion of the burning fires of hell…I hate those shoes. He says they are the most comfortable shoes he’s ever owned and he HATES wearing any kind of shoes, so that’s saying something. But still, those feet for his feet are goddamn ugly.
I always feel like hollering RAAARRRRR and stomping when I put them on but then that’s part of what makes them so fun to wear. I only wear them for my beach runs. It’s nice to be able to get my feet wet and not have them get cut up from shells and stuff.
There ARE some toe shoes that people webbed between fourth and fifth toe could wear . . . my children insisted on buying them. They’re camo, though. And I’m from La. So I figured maybe they just made these for La. people who get webbed toes from standing in the swamp water all day. 😉
OK, I’ve never tried these, but I think they probably also discriminate against those of us whose second toes are longer than our big toes. Way to discriminate freaky toe shoes, way to discriminate.
Ugliest. Shoes. Ever.
And I LOVE that the first thing Victor thought of was ballet shoes! Because, you know, that’s the kind of shoes most men want to be wearing. Unless they actually like their toes and want to keep them…in which case they wear the ugly toe shoes.
They are supposed to be awesome and magical shoes for running and hiking, but I don’t care. Toe shoes creep me the fuck out.
Same with “toe socks”. Fuck those things.
toe shoes and toe socks should be banded!! just wear friggin shoes or sneakers already! make a commitment and stick to it! my office manager likes to wear toe glove socks, with teva sandals…. at work…. a corporate office… and she greet people…. at the reception desk…. wearing this look. it’s beyond WTF. it’s “i’ve given up on life and i’m a granola hippie douchebag”. I’m gonna take a picture one day and email it to Joan Rivers and give her my office phone number. if that old bossy bitch can’t stop the fashinsanity, then there is no hope.
Nathan Fillion is doing an AMA on Reddit. I have asked him why he won’t hold twine for you.
My sister has webbed toes. It was always awkward when we’d all get toe socks for Christmas. She learned how to cut hers apart and sew them back together so she can wear them.
Stop the madness. I have these “toe shoes” and I love them. They look great in my closet, and my dog really likes the way they smell. Sometimes I wear them to the mailbox. Haters gonna hate.
I have three pair, and wish I had a pair dressy enough to wear to the office. Even have toe socks to wear with them. Since I started wearing them, my back pain has been dramatically reduced.
Maybe I will start a new racist society… W.A.S.P. (Webbed Appendages Suck Perineum)
My boyfriend was in an accident a few years back and shattered the bones in his feet and ankles. The toe-shoes are the only shoes he can wear that dont hurt his feet.
They are the ugliest things since Kate Gosselin’s hair.
OMG, you and Victor have the BEST conversations. High Five to that!!!! Not crazy about these shoes. Not for the look, but I can only imagine without socks, after a few wearings, well…peee yewww! Mind you, that could just be me…maybe other people’s feet smell like roses!!! 🙂
Wow! I didn’t know wearing shoes that are super comfortable and cured my back and foot pain made me an asshole! Thanks for letting me know everyone. For the record: they ARE comfortable, they prevent not cause shin splints, they increase leg and foot strength, decrease back pain, and you CAN wear them if your second and even third toe is longer than your big toe, mine are and I do. Are they ugly? Of course! But they are for times when you are active, not times you are out to look super classy. Gym=Yes, Church=No, going for a hike=Yes, Going out for dinner=no, work in a sporting goods store=yes, Work at a law firm=no
Webbed feet can be enormously helpful at the Olympics.
As can having a built-in, nuclear-powered propulsion device.
Just ask Ye Shiwen.
She tried to wear the toe shoes in the pool, but they kept melting.
Maybe she got all super by eating egg white juice on her cereal…
Which means that while on your book tour, you should NOT go swimming.
At least until the egg whites pass through your system.
Else you could embed your head into the pool’s concrete wall.
Only your little web feet would be left sticking out, still kicking.
I don’t like those shoes either.
I have Fred Flintstone toes and things like that never fit my feet right, which makes me feel odder than usual. So no toe shoes for me.
Ummmm…I thought you just celebrated your *16th* anniversary? It was on wikipedia, Victor. Y’all should really read the internet every once in a while. 😉
The shoes are fascinating. I own a pair for running and sometimes run (not literally) errands in them. They are surprisingly comfortable and have facilitated the strengthening of my feet. No more plantar fsciitis. But you are right. They are not for ducks and other web-toed creatures.
Wow…I appreciate that this is supposed to be a funny article but the judgementalness of some of the comments is incredibly hurtful. I own a pair of those shoes and they are incredibly comfortable…sure ugly as can be but comfortable. I am far from a pretentious, show-off hippy so until some of you know everyone who owns a pair, don’t judge.
LOL! I love my Vibram five fingers and my oldest just got her first pair for her bday. They are made for a specific shape of foot though. My youngest will not be able to wear them with her long, slender feet and 2nd toe longer than her big!
I’ve kinda been wanting a pair. I figure for a woman who believes shoes are instruments of evil, yet I can’t go in public without them, these might be the closest I’ll ever get to the “best of both worlds” scenario…
You two crack me up. Thank you, I really needed the laugh today.
My step-son has those shoes and it takes every ounce of restraint I have to not tell him he looks ridiculous in every way possible. Just wearing them makes his very normal jeans and t-shirt look dorky too.
Oh man, those are horrible shoes!
Jenny, were you at Paggi House in Austin last night? We were there for Happy Hour and I asked my friend about her toe shoes. I hate those shoes!!! I feel like you were there, overheard us, and instead of magically knowing we’re huge fans and coming over to say hi, you just decided to write a column about the toe shoes. You should have come over. I would have bought you a cocktail and shared my shishito peppers with you.
I have a pair of them. Probablly the most comfortable pair of shoes I own, but I get odd looks whilst wearing them. Hopefully no one stabs me in the foot because they hate them so much… I wonder if they make them in steek toes… 😉
I was just in CO talking to my friend about how we ended up at a party and this guy was talking to me, I looked down saw he was wearing toes shoes and i said, “yeah, we’re done here”.
b/c really what fucking idiot wears toe shoes to a party?!?!? Or at all for that matter.
You two seem so fun. Please start a radio talk show.
wow. So this is what it feels like to be discriminated against…not on an important scale, but still aren’t shoes a religion for some…
Why would you judge someone on something stupid like their shoes…I mean aren’t there some really important things you could judge them on?? … like their fatness or ugliness…religion…stupidness…
maybe you are embarrassed by their toe cleavage…it’s like camel toe…but with actual peoples’ toes…just keep your mind out of the gutter and leave my shoe choice alone. Its a slippery slope, it starts with shoes…
I LOATHE those shoes. And I don’t care if it is discriminatory.
welp, I guess I’m a weird creep-o for life, because I love my “monkey-feet”, as I call them, and I find it sad that you bunch of weirdos care so damn much what someone else wears. *BIGSIGH*
I’ll be the one over here listening to my “Free to Be You & Me” record…
Here’s an opportunity: Overshoes for toe shoes!
My daughter has web-toes. She’s 6 and a half and I finally pointed them out to her. I thought her friends would think she was weird, but I never even considered that she wouldn’t be able to wear Vibrams. What are we to do?
Nooooooooooo Please don’t stop talking EVER
OMG! I hate those shoes! They are freaking creepy as all hell!
They are made to help increase balance and proper running form. We were not meant to run with shoes on. Shoes are scientifically made to do the work of running for you. They are supposed to absorb the shock from impact of your feet to the ground. However, this forces you to run lazily, and heel pound. This improper running form is terrible for your joints and you also do not utilize the muscles in your legs and feet that are activated during barefoot running. Minimalist shoes force you to run on the balls of your feet and use your calves to power your stride instead of your quads and knees, which is how you injure yourself. With all that said they are great for you and help you emulate being barefoot without the pain of direct foot to ground contact, or just being disgusting and having dirty feet. Also they dont smell (unless you wear them for a month straight and dont wash them, which is easily solved by popping them in with your laundry) because they have antibacterial liners that prevent smell. Lastly, i was an idiot and made fun of them too, then i tried them on. Now i fucking love them! Also im a personal trainer so im not just biased because i own a pair.
Ok, I’ve seen the toe socks. I’ve even owned a pair in my youth. But I have never seen toe shoes before now.
They just look weird!
I’m one of the dissenters. I like them. In fact, the only reason I gave my pair to my daughter, is because after having surgery on one foot, my foot doesn’t sit right anymore, and walking in them became less comfortable. 🙁
I love this blog, but the point of the shoes is to keep the foot in a natural position. My 14 year old
son has Severs Disease in his feet. The pain was so bad he was home bound from school and in a wheelchair for years. These shoes were the first thing to help him become pain free. in the past year since wearing them, he is back at school and has completed a 5k walk and a 10k walk. I too have joint pain (planter facitis in my feet, bursitis in my hip) and degenerative arthritis in my spine and these shoes really reduce my pain level. I guess I would rather look stupid AND be pain free. LOL:)
I have webbed toes *and* bunions (where the big toe drifts over under the next toe), so I feel doubly discriminated against. :p
My toes get lonely just thinking about those shoes.
I don’t ever think you are getting your picture of Nathan with twine:
“Sigh. Please understand. I’m an actor. I act, tell stories, all for a living. My job is not to respond to every demand placed upon me from an audience on the Internet. I don’t do those things because I don’t feel it’s right to ask. I don’t ask those things of my gardener, the guy at the car wash, or the kid who bags my groceries. Why ask it of someone because they are an actor? Is that being fair? The argument could be made that its only one request, but then how many people would be unhappy that it wasn’t their request I responded to? Not all actors care about things like this, but I do. It’s just a product of my experience. The more people push, the meaner it gets, the more uncomfortable it is for me. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest. I hope we can all put it in the past with no hard feelings. I don’t have any.”
You guys are fucking awesome.
That is all.
I think toes should be a private thing. Like something you only show your significant other. I hate sandals and flipflops. So those shoes look like a cameltoe on the foot to me. I’d rather see people running around with their boobs hanging out than see their toes.
I hate these fucking shoes… And mostly because I know they wouldn’t fit me. Not because I have webbed feet, but more because my second toe is way longer than my first. In fact, I can comfortably hold a pen with those fuckers.
THESE SHOES REMIND ME THAT I COULD PROBABLY JOIN THE CARNIVAL CIRCUIT. Asshats..
Oh to be a fly in your house. If the walls could talk we would all DIE LAUGHING!!!!
My son wears those shoes. He even wore them in his wedding. He has back problems and his orthopedist recommended he try a pair.
Nice to know so many of you have decided he’s an asshole and a douchebag without even knowing him . Personally, I think that’s more assholeish and douchebaggy than a taste for odd-looking shoes.
My brother wears my shoes and they creep me out!
oh yeah. These shoes are the reason I am the CFA (Chief Fashion Advisor) for our family business. My sister-in-law, who owns the company, took off her heels and changed into these at a conference. It was so showy. She was all “Look at me. I can rock heels and I have 10 perfectly separated toes.” The Defense industry has never been the same.
I have a pair. A God-awful, bright red, white and blue pair. Why? Because I adore them. I have seriously bad shin splints and can barely run a mile without collapsing in pain. For some (probably magical) reason they don’t feel as bad to run in as regular shoes. I still can’t run more than a mile without dying, but at least I’m collapsing in the GOOD kind of pain from that, and not the bad my-shins-are-going-to-explode-out-of-my-skin pain.
My husband and I have been together for 15 years. It was only a year or so ago that I learned he has 15 teeth on the bottom instead of sixteen. Still not over it. Be glad the webbed feet situation ended so easily.
I think they are totally weird. And also kind of want to try them out. Because that is how I roll, yo. You know, honestly, with all the challenges marriage brings who really has time to examine toes? 😉
cccrrraaappppp my husband has to fuck tard of shoes! Now I have to high five him for not having webbed toes. Great! Thanks! Give me yet one more thing to do today….now I have to add “talk to husband today”.
You are getting quite selfish these days missy!!!
I actually like those shoes because they’re good for hiking. They make me feel like I’m less likely to fall half way down a mountain and maybe I can draw upon the fact that I have really good toes and at the last minute grab one of those tiny trees that are always sticking out of the sides of cliffs.
I don’t like them in red though.
And I apologize in advance to anyone with webbed toes.
I hate them too! Hideous shoes.
I love those ugly shoes. Great traction. Shockingly comfortable. But they are birth control shoes (no one’ll bonk you if you’re wearing them) and they do make your feet smell like wet dog.
I friggin’ love this blog, and read all the comments, which I think is a first for me. Thanks for a pile of laughs!
When the neurotic toe-phobes have been eaten alive by their pointless, bilious hate, I’ll come dance on their graves in my Kermit sneaks. Or my monkey shoes. Or gorilla feet. Whatever you want to call them, they’re supremely comfortable and delightfully ugly.
I have 5 pairs, and wear them all over. I got married in my whiskey-colored Bormios (ankle-height leather “dress toes”). Walked up to my SVP at the big company Christmas party, wearing black leather Treks with my banker’s grey suit. Wore them in churches, funeral homes, the office…you get the point. I’m that guy. You’re welcome.
When we rule the world, we toe-folk will be merciful to the rest of you, and will of course treat the divinely webbed ones as full equals.
I have no objection to people exercising in those things, really, I don’t. I have two friends who have them and who really like them. That being said, if you do shit like wear them to restaurants or on the train while commuting, you’re an asshole. I always have to fight the urge to step on them when I see people wearing them on the train. ::shudder::
Holy sheeskibob that’s a fucking lot of comments to scroll through… 🙂 Anyway, yes I myself own a pair of those funny shoes and they are great for spinning (not like in circles until you throw up, more like riding an exercise bike). But, I can’t really run in them because my feet start to hurt. I am not bragging, but I too do not have webbed toes, although I think that folks with webbing should be the ones bragging — bet they could swim further, or something…
I never ever comment (it’s the social phobe in me, I guess) but on
this one, I had to. My husband seriously collects these things. They disgust me, truly, and he knows this. Do you have any idea h
Oooops. How many bottles of wine it takes to erase that vision from my head??? So gross, these shoes.
I have webbed toes and cannot wear those creepy shoes. For shame.
They are the official shoes for People Against Wearing Socks.
(or P.A.W.S. – ‘cos that’s what you look like you have when you wear them)
As for toe socks, who has the spare 20 minutes to put them on?
I don’t have webbed toes, but I do think those shoes are UGLY!
I love that of all the things you write about, *this* is what gets everybody arguing. Controversy, thy name is toe shoes.
I’ve been reading your book while breastfeeding my newborn. Flattering, I know. I have to hide it from my toddler step daughters who fight over it. It’s the “animal book” in our house. All the stuffed animal images on the inside cover go over well in this household. Nice work. (and, by stuffed, I mean dead and filled with whatever people put in dead animals to make them not-dead looking…which might be the same stuff they use in stuffed plush animals, but I wouldn’t know…my dad wasn’t into taxidermy)
Thanks for the toe recognition, Bloggess! I’ve previously been rather sad that I didn’t have webbed toes, they seem cool, in an X-Men kinda way. My family is from Hawaii and I literally didn’t wear real shoes until I started school, so I am all over these bad boys because I hate shoes. Also, my girl gene for buying shoes is broken. But really, how are these uglier than Uggs, Birkenstocks, or those spike-heeled shoes with the long flat toes??
Aww, these are my favourite shoes…
Husband is completely weirded out by those running shoes. Am thing of buying them in bulk and covering him in them whilst he sleeps and filming his reaction when he awakes. I may get divorced but at least it will be hilarious
I know they look weird, but they are so comfortable. I’m embarrassed to admit that I wear mine regularly!
I just love how very open-minded you are. It’s quite refreshing, really. Like lemonade. And seriously, who does wear those things? They’re hideous and I thought that even before you opened my eyes to their discriminatory nature.
I dated a guy in college who had webbed feet. He could swim REALLY fast. For real.
I just got some of those shoes! Because apparently I don’t have webbed feet.
They are…. oddly comfortable. I wasn’t expecting it at all. And I have foot problems (plantar fasciitis) so I was doubly not expecting it, but they are wonderful.
Although I wear them out now and my husband looks at me and says “wearing your sweatpants, huh?” I was confused because I was wearing jeans. He points at my shoes and says “your sweatpants. Those shoes are like sweatpants for feet.”
So the toe shoes are now dubbed feet sweatpants.
I have an enormous pair of these that I wear hiking in the woods on weekends. It brings all the Sasquatch Researchers to town.
You two are the George and Gracie of the millennium.
Can I get a highfive for HAVING webbed toes? I can’t wear those shoes or the weird glove like socks either. But, I can swim pretty fast!
Yeah, I’m a runner and I wear those shoes, too. But I am always careful to wear them with the matching fingerless gloves and tatoo sleeves ’cause otherwise they just look stupid.
My kid screamed and jumped 3 feet when she first saw them on my feet, they look like ‘Planet of the Apes Goes to the Olympics’.
The only people I’ve known personally to wear them wore these shoes for the attention others gave them. One guy kept telling everyone they were running shoes, but he’s not a runner and never once have I seen him run, in those shoes or otherwise. The other guy enjoyed people thinking of him as off-beat and would put his feet up on desks and chairs when he wore these shoes. Much like Crocs, I find them visually disconcerting, but I can imagine certain instances where they have a use. When people wear them outside those circumstances, it’s open season for the sarcastic.
They are totally hideous looking and quite bizarre. It’s also super annoying how they attract attention.
Yet I wear them when I am active. I have to. If I wear “normal” shoes, I am sore and stiff the next day and can barely walk. If I wear them, I am fine. I’ll suffer through hideous looking for lack of pain.
So people who wear them may not be trying to be annoying. They might just like to not be in pain.
Since we’ve now discovered that mermaids do, in fact exist ( http://animal.discovery.com/tv-shows/other/videos/mermaids.htm ) I think you’re being a bit species-phobic to disparage webbed appendages.
This is very wrong, but… I take an instant and extreme dislike to ANYONE I see in those shoes, I don’t even care who they are. I can’t even look someone in the eye when they are wearing those things. It’s worse than a fannypack and Crocs combined.
I am going to organize a protest against these abominations. I invite all in the web-footed community to join us.
Syndactals Loathing Ugly Toeshoes!
I have webbed toes! Well, not all of them- just two. And even though I think they’re ugly, I have always wanted to wear those things because I’m a shoe girl. Nothing annoys a girl who loves shoes more than a shoe that she physically can’t wear. I tell myself that my bitterness over not being able to wear them comes from a refined fashion sense, not sour grapes. Thank you for bringing our plight to the public eye! 🙂
O! Those shoes make me cringe every time I see them. I have a couple webbed toes, and I remember trying to wear those toe socks….it was painful, cuz I was little and didn’t know my toes were webbed. I can’t comprehend how they might be comfortable for anyone!
I have a psi r and I love them. I have had so many problems with foot pain,but these are like being barefoot with great arch support. I promise I don’t discriminate against people with webbed toes. Only those with webbed fingers (I have to wear a compression glove on my right hand — picture Madonna or Cindy Lauper back in the 80s with their “fingerless” gloves). 😉
That is like saying gloves discriminate against people who were born missing fingers. I can’t believe people find you funny.
I have a great idea for your next book. It should be called Conversations with Victor, and that’s all it would be: a transcript of all the awesome conversations you have with your husband. These posts are some of my (and my husband’s) favorites.
My 8 year old daughter asked if she could get these shoes for back-to-school. 🙂 um. no.
My brother in law has these. I stare at his feet like they’re growing nipples. I can’t and won’t ever understand wtf is going on there.
You should try them, best shoes ever. Either way, thought you would enjoy this comic:
So we have learned that, after 17 years, neither of you has noticed the other’s feet. My question is, as a parent, do you find your mother-child bond to be a stronger bond? Meaning have you long since noticed that your daughter does or does not have webbed feet? Because you gave birth to her and are more deeply connected to her… and her feet.
So good to know I’m not the only one with webbed toes!!!! Yoohoo!
Thank you for voicing why these shoes creep me out. Two of the toes on my right foot are webbed – seriously. (its a genetic thing – my mom has them too) I call these shoes “creepy feet.”
Sorry to burst your bubble, Jenny, but I have webbed feet AND I can wear those shoes.
Say what you will…I love my Vibram FiveFingers. Yes, they do look stupid. However, I have always picked functionality over fashion. I have very flat feet, and HATE wearing shoes. The only thing worse is SHOPPING for shoes. I tried on a pair of these, and I am pretty sure that my feet smiled. They feel like Isotoner gloves feel on your hands. I may walk around looking like an idiot, but I’m a happy idiot! Yay for amazingly comfortable shoes! It the little things, people!
I can’t wear those shoes because my second toe (the one next to the big toe) is longer than the big toe. I haven’t tried them yet but I guess it would hurt. Also, it’s a lot easier to hit your toe linkup on the edge of things with that shoe.
aw, your hubby is so cute :))
I’ve heard those shoes are comfy but they look funky … not the good funky, the bad kind.
First, they’re extremely comfortable and good for your feet, legs, and back.
Second, I have weird-ass feet. They’re broad and high-volume to the point where most close-topped shoes just plain don’t fit, if they even go over the top of my foot. WHY ARE YOU DISCRIMINATING AGAINST THOSE OF US WITH HIGH-VOLUME FEET?
Get it? OVERSHOES for TOE Shoes!
I peed my pants reading this. I do in fact have webbed toes. My second and third toe are webbed up to the first toe knuckle. Coincidentally, my 11-year-old son has a pair of those stupid toe shoes, and we currently wear the same shoe size. I’m going to hunt those bad boys down in his closet, and see if my webbing presents a toe shoe wearing dilema. Class action discrimination law suit brewing. Love your blog. You are officially my blogger hero.
This is awesome because I love those shoes and my hubby gets annoyed at them because he has webbed toes.
I’m curious how many of the haters would be falling all over themselves to comment how cool these shoes are if Jenny’s opinion had been the opposite.
I have been running in a pair of VFFs for three years and I love them. No, they’re not terribly attractive but they are better for your (universal your, of course) body. I have never worn socks with them and they do not stink. Clearly, they’re not for everyone. To each her own.
I’m glad you brought this up. I have webbed toes on my second and third toes on both feet. Fugly toe shoes and toe socks are nothing but a mockery to my otherwise toe awesomeness….cause I gotta say, little siamese toes are so dang cute. Sadly, even though my family is well aware of my toe webbiness, I’ve gotten toe socks as gifts on many many occasions. Isn’t it enough that they’re ugly? Do they have to give a gift that’s ugly and useless?
My sister wanted me to buy my 9 year old niece a pair for her birthday. I told her unless she’ s planning on running a marathon that I refuse to let her look like a jackass.
At some point I saw these and wanted a pair because they remind of those awesome rainbow socks the other girls used to wear at sleepovers when I was a kid, and because Charlie Ross (of One Man Star Wars) wears them on stage and looked fabulously comfortable in them when I last saw one his shows. But when I saw the picture of them just now I realized they’re discriminatory against people,like myself, whose second toe is longer than their big toe. Apparently it’s called “Morton’s Toe” and despite being fairly common, no one makes shoes to accommodate our delightfully long toe. Well, unless you count those hilarious, pointy-toed shows some women wear.
According the Wikipedia, the only folks who had it right (that my longer second toe is beautiful and clearly the ideal form of a foot) were the Greeks who made entire statues dedicated to showing off this kind of toe. Oh! And apparently the Statue of Liberty has this kind of feet too! Well SHE can;t be wrong, can she?
Those shoes are pretty creepy…
Wow, so much hate and vitriol for the toe shoes. Get a grip people, no one who is wearing them cares if you like them or not. If that was the case, crocs would be long gone.
Yes, I have a pair. Yes, I still think they are creepy and do a double blink every time I see my feet in them. But guess what? I can walk around in them all day and my feet don’t hurt and my ankles aren’t swollen at the end. I also wore them all 4 days of Dragon*con last year and still had actual, regular sized people feet and ankles at the end. As opposed to every other year when my feet would be swollen into cankles the size of oranges.
So fuck off. I’ll wear my toe shoes any time I damned well want to. I don’t care if you don’t like them, I don’t care if you think they are freaky. Also, geniuses, they are machine washable.
Why not just go barefoot as some have said? Here’s how I describe it:
These are the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever worn. It’s like being barefoot, but WITHOUT THE HEPATITIS.
Those toe shoes creep me out! They are just so wrong. ha!
Ugh, I hate those shoes! My husband does a full body shiver whenever he sees anyone wearing them in public. They’re gross and creepy.
Everyone in my family has webbed toes. I think we need a merperson version of these. Either that, or we need to bring on the Waterworld-esque apocalypse and show those land-adapted webless-toe braggarts who the real evolutionary winners are. (Wait, you mean Kevin Costner movies aren’t prophetic scriptures?)
Jelly shoes were the best shoes ever. Four years ago Target had them in the “$1” bin and I picked up a pair for $2.50. When I went back the next week they were all marked down to 57 cents! Bet your bottom I picked up one in every color (and then wore them until they were broken in so many places).
After such a tragic loss, I could barely manage to compose myself until the FiveFingers arrived on my doorstep. Ohhhhhohhh sweet love of mii-iiine.
I have been reading your previous posts and would like to take this opportunity to wish you a very
HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!
I understand that you may have been too upset about these hideous toe shoes to remember about this special day. I forgive you.
I don’t have webbed toes, but I do have a severely curly 4th toe which makes these shoes challenging. Fortunately there are other “barefoot” shoes that do not discriminate against people with various types of funky toes . . .
I totally just went to a party and saw a guy wearing those terrible toe shoes. He was dancing and had a nice body. The type of guy you could just watch dance while you work your way to the dance floor. Until of course I saw those shoes. I then spent the rest of my time on the dance floor facing every way but toward him. They just look so weird up close. And he was dancing hard, so I imagined pools of sweat individualized for each toe. Ick!
I’ve often wondered how Victor deals with some of your hilarious thoughts and how he doesn’t believe you are truly batshit crazy — this conversation just proves how perfect you two are for each other.
I also think those toe shoes are freaky. Could you imagine if they made them custom so they actually looked like your toes? What if you had nasty corns and hammer toes? I don’t want to see that shit! Stick that gross crap in a pair of real shoes. LOL
And yes, you are batshit crazy, but in the super cool, fun way, not the “bitch needs to be in a rubber room” way. <3
Syndactylism, aka webbed toes, runs in my family. My great Grandfather had the 2nd &3rd digits as well as the 4th & 5th digits completely webbed, on both feet. My Mother and my younger Sister have their 2nd & 3rd digits completely webbed on both feet. I, however, am the oddest of them all. I have partially webbed toes, on one foot. On my left foot, my 2nd & 3rd digits are partially webbed, about half way up.
My family hates the toe socks and the toe shoes. They always have such cool toe socks in the stores, but, alas, I will never be able to wear them. 🙁
I don’t have time to read all the comments here, but I read the first quarter or so, and I am pretty sure everyone has TOTALLY missed the BEST part of these shoes: the fucking AWESOME FOOTPRINTS you could make with these suckers!!! I live where some years we have more months with snow-cover than months without, and I would give anything (except money, so I will never have them, obviously) to be able to make YETI FOOTPRINTS in the snow!
My husband has webbed toes (not all of them) and it allows me to introduce him to people as “my husband, the side show freak”. It’s one of the reasons I married him. Let me add that he is a fantastic swimmer. This has also given rise to the family ritual of whenever we welcome a new grandchild in our life (we are up to 7) the first question is not “boy or girl?” but “webbed or not?” It’s just that important.
I sincerely hope that I have conversations like this with my husband someday. (I have to get a husband first.)
You girls have the long toes here! I would love to know more about yours, contact me please.