Gandalf, Dumbledore and Donald Sutherland are all the same person in my head.

Victor: Why is that damn kitten running around the house dressed like Santa?

me:  What?

What HST would look like if he was old and Amish. And human.

Victor:  Hunter S. Thomcat is running around the house in a full beard.

me:  Oh.  It’s one of Hailey’s feather barrettes.  He won’t let go of it and he growls if you try to take it away.  But I think he looks quite distinguished.  Plus the other cats probably fuck with him since he’s the littlest.

Victor:  So you think he’s overcompensating with a human beard.

me:  No, I think he’s pretending to be Gandolf the Grey.

Victor:  Or Dumbledore.

Hunter S. Thomcat:  MMMMRLLLLLFFF!

me:  Oh my God, that cat totally wants to be Dumbledore when he grows up.

Victor:  Get used to disappointment, cat.

231 thoughts on “Gandalf, Dumbledore and Donald Sutherland are all the same person in my head.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I like that Victor is so conditioned at this point that he doesn’t think the cat just picked something up, but rather assumes that somebody *cough* is attempting to dress HST up as Santa or Gandalf or Dumbledore.

  2. Oh lighten up, it’s his Halloween costume! It’s hard for a tiny baby kitten to find a good costume. Now that Hunter S. Thomcat has found one, why should he give it up??

    Hope he gets lots o’kitty treats in his Halloween bag.

    Teri
    Snarkfest

  3. Oh great, I guess that means that my cat wants to be a manicurist (Glamour Technician) when he grows up because he seriously loves the crap out of nail files.

  4. He’s just trying to de-sensitize you. Next he’ll work up to carrying around dead birds, then live ones, and you’ll say “Oh, that’s just that barrette.”

  5. Nothing is too extreme if you’re angling to get some baby Snickers in the deal. Good for HDT to get in on the loot.

  6. IT’s complicated by the fact that Dumbledore is played by several different actors. Though I’d like to see Sutherland in a beard that reaches down to his nether regions. I mean, not in a weird way. Just because freaking long breads are cool.

  7. I wish you had like buttons for your commenters but then again, I would just end up liking 99.999999% of them anyway.

  8. Well, now I’m concerned about my cat Sydney. She likes to play with the little rings from plastic milk jugs. What does that mean? Also, why is she afraid of catnip bubbles? Should I find her a shrink?

  9. Yay for cat dreams! 🙂 You go, HST! You reach for that dream! You channel Dumbledore! You shall overcome the doubters (even if you have to hex them!) I believe in you, Hunter S. Thomcat!

  10. I love his beard, and I love that Victor didn’t say “why is the cat running around with a feather,” but “why is the cat dressed like santa.”

    it’s working.

  11. I just want to know how you got him to sit still to paint his claws. My cat Carl won’t let me near his paws, and I think he’d look great with some metallic pink in there.

  12. Oh…I think you need to post a little video of HST growling.

    Because a growling ginger ninja in disguise as Gandalf would make my fucking day. Heehee

  13. My sister takes a similar feather poof and says beard, Russian, beard, Russian while putting it on her cats head or under his chin (backandforthbackandforthrealfast). She does this till he gets super pissed which is the best part.

  14. I suppose the truly disturbing question is, why does HAILEY (owner of the faux, feathery beard) want to grow up to be Dumbledore?

    You know, HST lives in Texas. Maybe he just aspires to grow up and join ZZ Top.

  15. That’s a little more distinguished than my cat, who wants to be a contortionist in Cirque duSoleil…
    Hmm, comments won’t let me attach the picture of her scaling the wall and hanging on the window screens…

  16. Aww! He thinks he just captured a creature. He is practicing for the real games of hunting. HST is a magnificent hunter that’s what he wants everyone to see.

  17. Maybe he’s Wilford Brimley. That’s the vibe I’m getting. Wilford Brimley is crotchety and growls a lot, too. You would too if you had DIABEETUS.

  18. Fan-freaking-tastic! HST needs his own show, or something! But for now he has you to bring his dreams to the public.

  19. When I pulled this up on my phone, at first glance it looked like kitty had a bird in his mouth. I thought, good grief – this cat has a problem? What about the bird? … Very cute kitty.

  20. My freshman year of college I made a mask for one of my classes and decorated it with feathers. My sister’s kitten LOST HIS SHIT on the bag they came from; we were finding feathers everywher for ages afterward.

  21. Hunter S. Thomcat knows as American he can grow up to be anything he wants even if it is a imaginary magical literary character. Don’t crush his American Dream with reality.

  22. When I was little we had a cat who would growl at you (while chewing) if you got too close to him while he was eating. Now my 8 month old niece does that.

  23. The only reason I’m pretty Sure HST isn’t striving for Amishness is that he lets you take his picture. Unless, of course, it’s against his will, and then you are just stepping all over his personal convictions and devout faith. Nice job, Jenny. (But also, since he is using a barrette for his beard, and the Amish and Mennonite split over buttons because buttons are a form of adornment, you are probably safe because I doubt he’s Amish.) So, I guess don’t feel bad about the pictures after all.

  24. I had to chase my dog around the house the other day to get an unopened tampon away from her. Not as cute and a way worse Halloween/Christmas costume.

  25. A feather barrette in the mouth is cute. My dog wanted to come into the house with a pigeon in his mouth. A live pigeon. He may be a giant cat in disguise.

  26. OR MAYBE Hunter S. Thomcat is begining his conversion to Hasidic Judaism. I’m so excited to see what he comes up with for the sidecurls he needs.

    ??? ??? ????? ???? ??? ??? ??? ???? ????.

  27. I absolutely love that Victor’s first rection was to ask why HST was dressed up like Santa! Obviously that’s a reasonable assumption for anyone who lives with you. Never stop being that awesome Jenny!

  28. At one of my old job, we used to assign Harry Potter characters to various people in the office so that we could talk about them in code. Like, “Gee, Snape was really a douchbee at today’s staff meeting.” We thought we were quite clever, even though we weren’t really. And much fun was had by all.

    LOVE HST!

  29. I’m fairly certain that in HP and The Goblet of Fire, Dumbledore utters, “Harry, all I ever wanted to be was a orange cat with a feather barette.” It’s about 48 minutes into the movie.

  30. I think reaching for his dreams should just involve the goal of not choking on the barrette.
    Maybe after that, he can work on some transfiguration.

  31. This is just the beginning, Victor! Be warned!

    Once Our Darling Hunter S. grows up, living in a house with Dead Things, he’ll be all over your collection.

    At my house, Gala (cream and blue tabby cat) used to curl up with the Dead Otter Skin and defy ANYONE to try to take it. Or my friend Rhyo’s cat Philippe (big foofy tomcat) who nabbed her Dead Coyote Skin and made it his bitch. Um…’queen’.

    With as many Lovingly Frozen In Time Taxidermy Wonders as you have in your house, I fear your husband is going to end up finding HST in many a compromising situation. Likely discussing eating faces with the Monkey, for example.

    I do believe you should give Hunter the coffin your zombie came in, because it’s the purrfect size for a Small Furry-Yet-Crazee Gentleman Cat.

    Grey 🙂

  32. I think that HST is the smartest cat in the universe. I would totally be Dumbledore if I could.

    Also, I will always come and check your blog for new posts because I love your writing and you make me laugh, but I have to admit that now, in the second before I click on the link to your blog, I’m hoping that no matter what you write about, there will also be a picture of Hunter S Thomcat. I am completely, impossibly smitten with your cat – and I am generally not a cat person. If you ever decide to start an HST fan club, I will be vice-president, or secretary, or something. . . .

  33. Maybe one day he’ll don a bald cap and a tricorder and start walking around as Captain Jean Luc Picard.

    Kittens like dressing as sexy father figures.

    There’s nothing wrong with it, just tell Victor to calm down.

  34. HST will show you naysayers. One day you’re going to lean too far over his water bowl, fall into one of HST’s memories of fighting Death Eaters, and realize that he was Dumbledore ALL ALONG.

  35. Please please please tell me you’re making a 2013 calendar. This has to be December. Also? Thank you. You make my day smiley.

  36. Don’t boy unicorns have beards, too? Maybe you just need to get HST a horn – he’s probably transspecies.

  37. HST is SO much like my own orange tabby, Jack, who is a very sweet cat EXCEPT when it comes to food and feathers. Then he is most definitely NOT PLAYING and will GROWL if anyone comes near.

  38. Oh, thank God I am not the only one who gets Gandalf, Dumbledore and Donald Sutherland all confused together!

    Also, while I hate beards on principle, Hunter S. Thomcat is really pulling the look off, I think. No wonder he doesn’t want to give it up.

  39. We all need ridiculous dreams! I say go for the stars kitty! Why can’t he be Dumbledore when he grows up? My mom said I could be anything when I grew up, I think the same should apply to Hunter.

  40. Omg!

    Hunter S. Thomcat + bag of gummy bears = making a hellacious day at work seem a little bit less hellacious!

  41. I love the conversations you have with Victor about everything!! Hunter S. Thomcat is fabulous! You just go on looking like Dumbledore, dude!! 😀

  42. He looks like he has a miniature slipper in his mouth. He’s a little thing still. He’s probably practicing for when he gets bigger and wants to bring you your slippers.

  43. HST is such a gorgeous little cat (with a wicked sense of humour too with the seems of it)!

    At least he wants to be Dumbledore…..it’d be way more disturbing if he wanted to be Voldemort!

  44. We have a…um…wandering gentleman who may or may not have an actual residence in which to sleep and he wanders in the vicinity of my town. Anyhow, he has a similar look. In fact, he’s got a lot in common with Hunter S. Thomcat.
    But, also, our local biker bar has a lot of those beards, too. So maybe HST wants to be a homeless biker when he grows up. You really shouldn’t limit his options.

  45. Yay, new post. You make the days so much brighter. Especially when you post pics of HST. The pill bottle series makes me guffaw out loud everytime I look at it. The one picture where you posted “no, I’ll do it” makes me snort out loud every time. Hi-lar-i-ous! Seriously funny. Your the best and the brightest. Thank you for your posts, your book, your pictures, for sharing your life with us. I can’t wait for the 2nd book. I just re-read LPTNH for the third time. I love you sincerely!

  46. I love that the conversation in your household immediately centers on “Who Dressed Up The Cat?” and not “What Did The Cat Find This Time?”, as most households would.

  47. He does actually look like he had a beard though! He could be Dumbledore’s stand in!
    Also I love the fact that Allyn’s cat is called Minerva McGonagall 😀

  48. That cat’s so cute! Agh! I’ve been trying to talk my husband into a fourth cat, which I fully admit is ridiculous, but I think we need it.

  49. In my family we play joke on people who take too long and leave us waiting. We take a tissue and pretend that we grew a long white beard while we were waiting. HST just had to wait too long for his kitty treats.

  50. My kitty that i used to have always would stick her head through the handle of the plastic bag and run around like she was superman!! Good job HST, he is very creative!

  51. Wait…so you use that title like they’re NOT the same person…they only are in your head. You are KIDDING me!!??? All this time, I’ve been thinking that, too…

  52. Hey, at least he’s not off, trying to be Justin Bieber….

    Harry Potter side note: if voldemort had been a cat, would have needed to split his soul more because of the whole nine lives thing? Or do you think he’d have been all “who needs to kill people to be immortal? I’ve got 9 lives! No one can die nine times; I’m golden!” But then I guess, off he’d been a cat who’d accepted that 9 lives was enough, the story would have changed dramatically. Even if he was evil, Harry would have died in the end because people totally frown upon using deadly spells on cats…I may or may not be drunk…

  53. Love your blog! I’m a single 40 year old living in NYC with cats and trying my hardest to buck the crazy cat lady stereotype!
    Would be so flattered if you checked out my blog!
    Love your “voice”!
    Tamar
    http://www.ihavecat.com
    Single in the city, with cat (S)

  54. We have four dogs and one poor cat who spends all her time looking through the ‘doggie gate’ wishing she could join the fun….when we let her in – she runs wildly around the room hissing at the dogs and then back to her protected spot under the sofa. Perhaps if I offer her a disguise….she might fool the dogs into believing she’s something other than a cat.
    Something to think about!

  55. Holy shit! That is my next tattoo: “Reach for your dreams. Unless you’re a cat that wants to grow up to be Dumbledore”.

  56. He’s better want to be the Dumbledore from the first 2 movies… Not that asshat that finished the series out. HIS EYES DIDN’T TWINKLE LIKE THE NIGHT SKY! If you’re gonna go all the way, Hunter, be the BEST!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  57. You have struck gold when Victor gave you that cat. I honestly hate when people tell pet stories but that cat is hilarious. He seems to be a good fit for your family.

  58. I wanted you to know that the side by side of your kitty/dumbledore was on reddit. But then when I went back to try to find it to link it to you, it was inexplicably missing. Now I am so confused and convinced that magic has just happened.

  59. Since you’ve got ten times more readers than me, would you mind asking if any of them remember buying a live baby alligator at the Ringling Bros. circus.

  60. I have often fantasized about making a toupee from my daughter’s hair after a hair cut and putting it on our chihuahua, Honey Lee. They have the same hair color, and every girl should feel beautiful — even if she is hairy all over and spayed.

  61. Since research shows that cats do not like men with long beards, are indifferent to men with shorter beards, and are confused or disturbed by men with beards that are incomplete, I think you are on the right track and Hunter is trying to make the other cats uncomfortable with his nice long somewhat incomplete beard. He’s one smart kitty.
    source

  62. The beard is extremely cool. Maybe he thinks your haunted dollhouse is Hogwarts and is missing Dumbledore. You have to agree that is one clever cat!

  63. Since research shows that cats do not like men with long beards, and are confused or disturbed by men with beards that are incomplete, I think you are on the right track and Hunter is trying to make the other cats uncomfortable with his nice long somewhat incomplete beard. He’s one smart kitty.

  64. I want to be Dumbledore but not the latest one. I want to be the one that was in the first two movies..
    Ya know the one that died. Tear.
    Is that morbid that I want to be a dead guy?
    Oh well. I don’t need to stress out about it…obviously I can’t be the dead guy because he had a beard and I have yet to sprout any chin hair.
    Probably just jinxed myself. Knock on virtual wood.

  65. What else is missing around the house? It’s obvious he is just getting started on his Halloween costume. I think you just can’t see it because you are too close to the situation.

  66. LOL! That is so funny. I love that Victor automatically assumed HST was dressed up rather than playing with a toy.

    My cat loves feather toys. I call them her fluffies. She has 3 feather poufs that clip onto the end of stick/string toy but they never go on the stick b/c she likes to pick them up, give them a good shake and then proceed to wander around the house merow-ing as loud as she can with her mouth full. I have woken up in bed surrounded by the damn things. The most amazing thing is she always remembers exactly where she left them. It could be worse… she could bring me dead mice, which I would then need to have ethically taxidermied resulting in a whole troop of Mouseketeers.

  67. Seriously–reach for your dreams–unless they’re ridiculous. My friend is having a conniption right now because the teachers at her son’s school keep telling him the same thing, “Reach for your dreams, you can be WHATEVER you want.” She tells them,”the thing he wants to be more than anything in the world? A donkey. Really, a donkey. SO QUIT TELLING HIM THAT!”

  68. Don’t you just love kitten growling? It’s such a big noise coming from sukch a tiny beast! My little black cat never got out of the habit of growling if he has something he shouldn’t. It’s come in handy, because I’ll just walk by the dining room table and hear a growl. There he is, under it, “hiding”, with something forbidden in his mouth. Cat, I wouldn’t have known you were there and were doing something bad if you didn’t tell me!

  69. Post of the day: #3 – “I like that Victor is so conditioned at this point that he doesn’t think the cat just picked something up, but rather assumes that somebody *cough* is attempting to dress HST up as Santa or Gandalf or Dumbledore.”

  70. I am thinking he is doing what my ginger kitty does. My ginger picks things up in his mouth (his toy of choice is little stuffed animals – I call them his “babies”) and walks around the house with them howling, trying to find me. Which is really weird to hear a cat trying to howl while carrying a stuffed toy in his mouth. It cracks me up every time. Then he drops the toy at my feet, as if he brought the baby to me, and now we can snuggle together. He is such an attention whore.

  71. Hiiiiii Jenny! I was on tour a month ago and I was in TARGET, desperately trying to find a book that wasn’t 50 Shades of Gray. I found your book and I’d never heard of you before BUT the title sold me. You are hilarious. I’m kinda going through a tough time in my life, trying to figure things out, and you really made me laugh. Full-on belly laugh. So thank you and I love you.

  72. I was hoping he’d be dressed in a stupid little Santa suit too, and no one would know how he got into it. But NO. Disappointment just runs rampant today. I’m with ya, Catbledore.

  73. Whenever I check your site, the girls I work with think I’m crazier than they already do because I’m usually in tears reading your posts. As a fellow furry baby owner, I can relate!! <3

  74. I hate to tell you this, but you are not posting nearly enough pictures of Hunter S. Thomcat. There is an impending shortage of cute cat pics on the Internet and you simply are filling your quota!

    hahahaha

  75. Dumbledore with TARDIS blue nails 🙂 cute if you ask me… hehe…You need to re-name him though. This is clearly a case of rebelling. He clearly wants a Sci-Fi/Fantasy name, not a drug loving gonzo journalist name 😉

  76. Depression says “I’m trapped. That nothing will change. That it will never be better. That I’m not sure how I am going to do it.” Then I remember “depression lies,” and I say it over and over again until I believe it.

  77. I’m thinking more along the lines of Kenny Rodgers…or the Dos XX guy (“I don’t pretend to be an Amish cat very often, but when I do, I use Navajo feather barrettes”).

    Just a thought.

  78. I love how his whiskers blend perfectly with his faux beard. And I agree with the post I scrolled past somewhere above…maybe he wants to join ZZ Top!

  79. I envy that you are able to capture these moments. My cat has only one photo pose….and that is lounging on her back. It’s pretty funny but how many photos can I take of THAT? Any of her other hilarious moments end before I can get a camera or phone in the air fast enough to get a good pic! HST is just adorable….with or without a beard.

  80. HST makes me want to go out and find 10 or 20 kittens to bring home. Reading your blog has become delightfully dangerous to my health! =]

  81. my younger cat does the same thing with a feather that used to be part of a bigger toy that he destroyed because he only cared about the damn feather.
    when he’s walking around the house with it in his mouth you better not even think about trying to get near him.

    btw. HST is SO damn adorable!

  82. Have you been watching the Harry Potter movies with Hunter S. Tomcat? Or reading him the books? <3

  83. I think my favorite posts are these absolutely insane conversations you have with your husband. Love them.

  84. I showed HST’s picture to Not My Cat, (long story, but it satisfied the landlady). Not My Cat wants to warn HST that an actor’s road is long and lonely and fraught with rejection and humiliation, but then she remembered, “hey, we’re Cats, we don’t give a flying f—-.

  85. I guess my Zelda is going to be a cobbler b/c she loves her some fancy shoes! 🙂

    PS. Went to request your book at the local library. I am number 118 in line! WOAH! Your next book will be out by the time I get your first! HAHA

  86. Are there any white-bearded, wise men in JKR’s new book? Hunter S. Thomcat might have a slightly more achievable character personality there…

  87. As usual the lightness of cats being just generally weird has touched me somewhere in the depths of my weird mind. Which reminds me, a cat totally jumped at me for attention. That was a new one, much like a cat with a beard. Not something I see everyday.

  88. Wondering if this email exchange between me and my friend was as funny as it seems in retrospect. I just moved into my new house on a waterway in South Florida. Having grown up down here, and remembering my dad’s wisdom, I can deal with ANYTHING!

    Hmmmm… so many things to deal with:

    BUFO TOADS: (which I deal with by chasing them around my yard with my big-ass shovel, then I cut them in half and toss them in the garbage can) – crap, I hope you don’t take offense to me killing an invasive species that can kill my dog; I read online that some people want you to stun them ( I do, when I hit them with the shovel before I cut them in half) but then they want you to freakin’ FREEZE THEM for 3 days and then throw them out. They say it’s more HUMANE. Really? My viewpoint (and one that my father taught me) was, kill them quickly. They are pests and, I stress, INVASIVE. By the way, on my list of house warming gifts, I’m looking for a frog-gigging type hat with light on forehead and a cattle prod; seems that may make quicker work of it, but no one seems willing to buy me a cattle prod and it just doesn’t seem a gift a girl should buy for herself (call me old fashioned, but…);

    HAWKS/RAPTORS: that eat their kill on my back lawn and then leave all the bones and feathers and such for me to clean up…. I don’t mind this one so much. It’s so very cool to watch my own “Mutual of Omaha” wildlife show in my backyard;

    GATORS: spotted my first one yesterday, nice sized – maybe 6 to 7 feet, hanging under the dock next door. Glad I have a fence!

    I am having more fun than you can imagine! I am in love with life again!!!!!

    Talk to you soon love (hope I didn’t offend you).

  89. Oddly enough, one of my cats IS named Gandalf the Grey. And we considered Dumbledore… The vet doesn’t get it — they labelled his charts Galdalf Dougrey OurLastName.

  90. I think you might need to know (if you don’t already) that some genius on Etsy created a shop selling health and beauty products (and candles) inspired by Dr. Who, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and other awesome movies/tv shows. There is even a scent called “Don’t Blink (Weeping Angel)”. Pretty cool.

    http://www.etsy.com/shop/bubbleandgeek

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