Twitter is confusing

This is what I look like when I'm baffled. But with slightly less beard.

Dear random-people-I’ve-never-heard-of-before-but-who-purposely-tweet-me-to-tell-me-they-are-unfollowing-me-because-I’ve-said-something-offensive:

1.  What the shit took you so long?

2.  Baffled.  We’ve never had any sort of a connection.  You’ve never spoken to me or at me before.  Basically you just went out of your way to let me know that you’re going to stop eavesdropping.  It’s like strangers you saw on the bus yelling at you that they’re not sitting next to you anymore.   Except, through the window.  After they’re already on the sidewalk.

3.  I’m writing a blog post about you, strangers-who-I-didn’t-know-existed-until-you-told-me-we’re-not-talking-anymore.  Which I think makes me just as bad as you.  Probably worse.  A lot worse.  Which I think means we have a lot in common and should be friends.  Dammit.

4.  I’ll miss you, stupid strangers.

313 thoughts on “Twitter is confusing

Read comments below or add one.

  1. In some strange way I feel I know you. I know we’ve never met, but I’ve been reading the contents of your random mind that you feel are sane enough to share with the rest of the world with no filter but secretly you know there’s so much more to share and so I feel like I know you. I can’t quit you Blogess, but I might feel the need to tell you that even though you don’t know me and might be really creeped out that a middle-aged man is lurking in the public spaces of you mind laughing and sometimes crying (but don’t tell anybody) at the things you think. Strange, it’s almost like you WANT me here. Wow, you really are strange! 😀

  2. I’ve been online for years,even though I’m still somewhat of a n00b, I have learned one thing about the internet, though. Real people is in sad need of a reality check and spammers in sore need of grammar lessons.

    Twitter IS confusing as heck.

  3. Well, I suppose knowing there are that many LESS stalkers lurking in the bushes watching you do things must be a LITTLE comforting!

    I think the Flounce-Off-To-Virtual-Strangers is only slightly less creepy than the “I-don’t-know-you-but-stop-writing-your-personal-life/observations/opinions-on-your-own-blog-BECAUSE-I-AM-OFFENDED/YOU’RE-REALLY-WRITING-ABOUT-MEEEEEEEEEE!” thing.

    Seriously, I’ve gotten both on mine, and mine’s teeny!

    Personally, I LOVE when you’re offensive! Bring it on! Sic Hunter on ’em!!!!

    Grey 🙂

  4. I agree. 100%. I’ve always followed the philosopy of “what you think of me is not my business” yet when people unfollow you it’s like they’re trying to make it your business. Now THAT’S imposing. And clearly they’re control freaks.

  5. Not everything loaded at first, except Gandalf. I thought “Ooh, I’m gonna like this post.” I really think Gandalf would be SUPER confused by Twitter.

  6. Twitter is like a giant room where millions of people are shouting at each other. Most yelling about spam, some yelling about their kids, workouts, and politics. Then there’s the rare gem that says something odd enough to make you stop and say, “Wait, what was that?” – That is you….and Twitter is better because of it.

  7. I am equally baffled by Twitter but for much different reasons!

    Kudos, once again, for blogging effectively about the crazy stuff people do! My post for today was a reflection on the odd things my spouse put in our Amazon shopping cart when I wasn’t looking. I swear I am not making any of it up. But more importantly, I’m thankful that the people around me always give me something to write about!

  8. Well on the other side of those tracks, are people like me who have been following you for ages. You followed me back a few months ago and I was dancing round the room like an (is an) idiot. When people unfollow me for things I have said, I wave a little goodbye with an “Adios lemmings!”.

  9. If you look like Gandalf when baffled, you might want to consider having some eyebrow work done. I seriously doubt his wizard brow will look good on you.

    Also, I’m not unfollowing you on twitter, so there.

  10. Say it isn’t so, Jenny! Don’t elevate the haters to greatness by featuring them on your blog!
    Write about me.
    I don’t hate you.
    I don’t go out of my way to tell you when you’ve offended me – which you never could .
    And I certainly don’t attack you on Twitter in a vain attempt to draw attention to myself.
    I like toiling in obscurity, carrying luggage for an ungrateful public and blogging about it, while you use the spotlight to show people that the disenfranchised can be awesome. And crazy. And Whovians. All at once.
    That is all.
    Carry on, Bloggess.

  11. I guess I’m really on the weird side, because I find nothing The Bloggess says offensive, and in fact think she’s wayyyyy over there on the ‘inspiring’ side of things. So Random Strangers? Whatever. Take your ball and go home. We’ll keep playing without you.

  12. Personally, I don’t think you’re offensive enough!

    Unrelated but, I think you’ll want to know about this …
    ” Today is Bell Let’s Talk Day. Bell Canada will donate 5¢ to mental health initiatives across Canada for every tweet using the official #BellLetsTalk hashtag. ”

    Let your followers know! I’m sure you have other Canadian followers, besides me …
    “Bell Canada will also donate 5¢ for every text and long-distance call made by a Bell customer.”

    Thank you!!

  13. I have no words for people who do stupid shit like this. Although, I guess it doesn’t make me much better with commenting on the post you made about them. Damn. We just gave them way more time in our heads than they have any right to have. Shit.

  14. You know you’ve arrived when people announce that they’re unfollowing you.
    (I haven’t arrived. Please, someone: Unfollow me. Loudly and publicly.)

  15. Well just for that I am going to go follow you now. And if you don’t say something really offensive in the next couple of days I will have to unfollow you and not tell you! So there!

  16. Kinda like when my kid is mad at me & keeps coming to tell me he’s not talking to me. OK, then…

    Also? People who are easily offended? Have no business following you in the first place. They hopped on the wrong train, so it’s good they should get off. Pfffft, who needs ’em!

    Also? I think you also have slightly less eyebrow than Gandalf. (Or maybe just a better stylist.)

  17. I think that ‘I’m unfriending you’ is more shorthand for Douches. What it really says is this: ‘Hi, I’m a pathetic douchetickler. Though I’m aware we’ve never interacted in any way and I am not famous, I’m just so god-damned awesome in my mind that you should know who I am without me ever having to expend any effort. I’m going to go over there now, to shine my own particular brand of bullshit and leave your world a little brighter because of it.’

  18. i’m mainly just offended that it’s not the good old days of 2007 and we’re having wine for breakfast. that’s fair, right?

  19. I was thrilled to get my very first Cease & Desist order last year, but I still feel sad when someone un-likes my Facebook page. Better put big-girl panties on my shopping list. What brand do you recommend?

  20. Those jerks. You don’t know I exist, but I’m going to talk at you for a sec, and send some positive energy your way. Have a MAH-VELOUS Tuesday :).

    P.S. They don’t know what they’re missing 😉

  21. This feels like 3rd grade. You know, where the douchey kid holds his Chuck E Cheese Power Ranger themed birthday over your head. Like, “I’m not your friend anymore and you can’t come to my birthday party.” And you’re all like “dude, I only go to Chuck E Cheese for the Skee Ball, and you know, I hate the Power Rangers.”

    This is a true life experience, except I actually really DO like the Power Rangers. I kind of got lost in my own analogy. And now I really want to play some Skee Ball.

  22. Well, their like really obnoxious ostriches. Like sticking your head up your own ass will mean that the really funny stuff that offends your screwed up desire to regulate others people behavior will instantly stop happening.

    It’s ok Jenny, if I ever stop following your twitter, just look for my obit.

  23. The stupid strangers miss you too. That’s why they have to tell you they’re leaving…it’s a cry for attention! Just like my toddler chasing me from room to room yelling at me to “go away!” *nods sagely*

  24. See, this is why I don’t tweet. It’s invasive in the worst sense of the word. Kinda like Repubicans telling me what to do with my body. They don’t get to have an opinon and neither does the offended asshole.

    Blogging is a highly personal activity you choose to share with us. Kinda like abortion; if you don’t want it, don’t have it.

    Me? I’m signing up for double portions!

  25. I am confused. Twitter allows these conversation spies to simply, well, SPY ON YOUR CONVERSATIONS without ever introducing themselves and then when they let you know that they’ve been watching you – secretly – there’s no Twitter jail recourse for their having been hiding there watching you. The fuck, Twitter? It’s like the peeping Tom who taps on the window as you masturbate to tell you he needs you to turn more to the left. Wait…

  26. I’m just sort of confused at why they’d follow you in the first place…I mean. Okay. Do they not KNOW you? You say things that could be taken offensively by some. Why were they following you in the first place? So weird.
    I will follow you harder now, if there is such a thing. To make up for the silly unfollowers.

  27. This is kind of like the new wedding trend where you email or call people to tell them they are not invited to your wedding. I saw that on Huffington Post.
    Watched an old episode of My Three Sons this morning. Everyone was so nice to each other back then and didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I miss that. I miss that a lot.

  28. They’re damned loss.

    Makes more twitter-space and facebook-space for the rest of us.

    I needed more elbow room anyway.

    Stupid asshats. Should that be hyphenated? Stupid grammar. Sorry, Mrs. Donze (my high school English teacher), I didn’t mean it.

  29. I can’t figure out why someone so easily offended would follow you in the first place. I mean, have they not read you at all? It boggles the brain-meats. Really. Says someone else you’ve never heard of before. 🙂

  30. I am considering joining twitter just to follow you…and maybe Wil Wheaton. You should feel special. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t join twitter.

  31. I love you and your silliness. Your book made me laugh and cry so much I made my library buy another copy. You’re wonderful.

  32. Gandalf is very good at everything, but especially at looking baffled. I picture Juanita beside you as you give this look (she’s replacing the beard).

  33. Ironically, I just saw a blog post yesterday (ThoughtsfromParis, I think) and he mentioned your troll commenting policy in which you can change the language of the comments from trolls. Your F* you, people who don’t like/understand/agree with me, attitude is part of your charm.

  34. This is how I feel about Twitter in general. I tried to do it, but I just didn’t care enough about all those people I didn’t know. I haven’t unfollowed you, Jenny, but then again, I never followed you or anyone else. I guess I am just not cut out for Twitter. Sigh.

  35. Fun fact, that’s also Gandalf’s “I-think-I-may-have-pooped-myself,-Elrond,-check it” face.

  36. If you STOP saying offensive stuff….I’m going to unfollow you. But I won’t tweet it. Because I’ve never tweeted anything. I just like to lurk around. Instead I’ll just fold my arms in a huff and stomp away.

  37. Well I’ve never been so offended before in my life…at the ridiculous strangers that is. I guess my only course of action is the tell you this in a comment and let you know that from now on I AM going to continue to read your blog, just to piss those strangers off. That’ll show ’em.

  38. Oh, you know me. I know that secretly, though you’ve never actually bothered to follow me on twitter, you are reading my words. And my mind. And when I unfollow you, it will make your sad little life even less meaningful…

    Wait. I’m ranting to somebody who doesn’t know me, is a best selling author, and is loved by millions. I’m claiming that, because I feel like I know her, she must know me. Who has a sad little life again? Because I’m feeling a lot less significant than I did before I started reading this post or writing this comment.

    That does it. I’m never again unlurking!

    Have I mentioned recently how much I love you?

    (I love you right back. ~ Jenny)

  39. Twitter is no place for intelligent people anyway.

    I know many people would beg to differ, and – of course – for those with an IQ above 75 it takes a certain brilliance to adequate express themselves in no more than 140 characters, and – of course – Twitter is an excellent medium to promote movies and books and blogs and other products or services, but generally (and I do mean generally) Twitter is for the stupid.

  40. I love the word ‘baffled’.

    I never learned how to use Twitter simply because I don’t want to invite another avenue for people to irritate the crap out of me. ( I don’t mean you, otherwise I wouldn’t come here every morning and check your blog.)

  41. I just heard a radio spot this morning that people are sending out “You’re not invited to my wedding” non-invites. This kind of falls in the same were-we-even-friends category.

    On Twitter, I had the peanut allergy police jump all over me once when I tweeted something like how much it’d suck to be allergic to peanut butter.

  42. I rather thought I had “arrived” when a random stranger complained about one of my posts. Alright I admit it, it was only once 🙁

  43. Dear Emperess of words, I have to wonder why I am reading this blog or why I am responding. I am lost in a sea of humans who are self-consumed. You are an inspiration to all in the dark and cold sea. You do know how to warm up a bit of water in your proximity. Good luck with that. “Save it for the stage” Charles Nelson Riley’s mother, msrip.

  44. Here, this should make you feel better. A stranger recommending an explicit song that talks about wearing “wolfs on your noggin”.


  45. I think strangers should just realize that “SomeGreyBloke” was right when he said that Twitter is an insignificance awareness engine.

  46. One of these days I’m gonna have to join twitter just to be part of the insanity. By the way, you haven’t been offensive in days. If you don’t do something obnoxious pretty soon I’m gonna unfollow you too… you know, if I knew how to follow you in the first place.

  47. ignore them…
    they don’t know what they’re missing…
    why were they following you anyway if they are easily offended?
    That, in itself, is offensive 😉
    You have many followers who love you

  48. You have UN-followers? Gadzooks! We should stuff them and line them all up on a firing wall after they die. Just for decoration, ya know? On second thought, let’s pose them in naughty ways…

  49. I totally fall into the eavesdropper category of twitter. I think it’s a case of having “brevity-and-eloquence envy” with folks who can use twitter and still be hilarious. I need more than a 140 word count, it seems.

  50. People are strange (when you’re a stranger). The Doors were way ahead of their time. It’s like Jim Morrison already knew Twitter was gonna happen.

  51. “Hi, just wanted to let you know that I hate you and I’m no longer listening. Bye!” What is WRONG with humanity? I guess you know you’ve arrived when people contact you just to let you know that they aren’t going to ever contact you again. …in spite of not having contacted you previously. This is actually making my head hurt.

  52. I was once a bank teller in my early days. People would bring in their paychecks and deposit them into their woefully overdrawn accounts, leaving them with a few bucks. They’d get irate, and shout that they wanted their accounts CLOSED!
    I’d politely ask if they wanted their $13 in hundreds or twenties. They never appreciated the humor. Screw them. I didn’t do anything. As for the followers getting offended, I use a quote that my older brother and I use for situations like this from the movie Airplane!
    “They bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting in to. I say, let ’em crash!”

    The Cheeky Daddy

  53. Love the blog, LURVE the book, gave to many friends. Now dammit, I must make up for lost time and find out what offensive shit I ‘ve been missing all this time. Ah technology, you drains me.

  54. This was probably said above by some random stranger, in which case rather than being offended they should consider this a “retweeting” of their comment. But I don’t get it … I don’t have a twitter account because my understanding is that it is like a bunch of people posting random probably boring 146 character statements. If, on the other hand, there was a way to only let people post tweets if they were GUARENTEED! to be offensive, well hell yes I would join!! I mean how thought provoking can one really be in 146 characters? Probably in most cases, not so much. How offensive can one possibly be in 146 characters? Please. SO MUCH!

    p.s. For those of you who feel inclined to point out that I spelt “guarenteed” wrong. Shut up. No-one likes your kind. Of course you could offer the rebuttal that I should shut up and no-one likes people who spell “guarenteed” wrong -but you would be incorrect, Sir.
    p.p.s. If I actually spelt guarenteed right please ignore the p.s. above.

  55. That is such an awesome analogy. Because that’s exactly what crazy people on the bus would do.

    The only people crazier than bus people are internet people.

  56. you are right twitter IS freaking confusing. One minute you have 13 followers the next you only have 5…like what the heck changed in those 2 minutes?!?

  57. I’m have a twitter, but I’m never on twitter…I’m really uncool that way. But I would never unfollow you..I would kinda crazy stalk you because I’m pretty sure you were switched at birth for one of my younger sisters but that is beside the point.

  58. Twitter in a nutshell! Such a great frickin’ analogy!!

    PS – people who follow you don’t already know you’re going to say something offensive? That is what’s confusing 😉

  59. Huh? If I’m going to unfriend someone I wouldn’t bother to let them know. They probably wouldn’t care, and if they would care then they probably know me well enough to ask me what the F was up when they finally noticed.

    Especially because I hide friends during awards shows and the like just so I don’t see their walloping fuckton of posts. Weirdos.

  60. Hahaha! Yes!
    But my favorite are the tweets where people are Tweeting to their unfollowers…umm, they can’t see your tweet because they’re NOT FOLLOWING you!

  61. First off, people are offended by the things you say? What?
    And second, I don’t think I’ve ever messaged someone I’m unfollowing just to tell them I am unfollowing them. That’s a thing? It seems like a major waste of time, to me.

  62. Awww. This post had an unexpectedly heartwarming ending! Happy Valentine’s Day, rude strangers! Love you.

  63. At least your strangers acknowledge that you exist. My strangers are there one day, gone the next and we never even got the chance to be really weird together. I weep for the lost weirdness.

  64. Stupid Strangers are stupid. And annoying. Although, as I have 35 followers, when even one leaves, it’s devastating, and I’m not even interesting enough for a stupid message. Then I realize the one that left was a spam account, which is probably 50% of my followers. Oh well.

    I’m still following you. Just so you know.

  65. I think it’s more that people are confusing than Twitter. It’s hard to imagine that they didn’t KNOW, right? Is it possible? Did somebody’s grandmother accidentally follow you, because her granddaughter was following you and you came up on the Twitter connect thinger? Are grandmothers on Twitter? My grandmother knows how to function the Internet, which makes me feel a combination of relief and apprehension.

  66. You know, you could have summed this up with just one gesture. 😉 If I could send a virtual middle finger to everyone who sent me direct messages on Twitter that say “Did you see this pic of you? OMG!” followed by a creepy link… Assholes.

  67. sooooo… let me get this straight…The woman who became famous for the phrase ‘knock knock, motherfucker’ was able to offend some random people who follow her (who should have known what they were getting into)? Dammit. now I have to go sign up for Twitter.

  68. Sometimes, I love your followers’ comments as much as your posts. “Tweet, tweet, motherfuckers”. Also, you’ll find an entire conversation between 2 friends and I today which included you. We INVITED you to eavesdrop.

  69. Alton Brown called them “Twitter Toads”. Then drew a post-it of a toad in a blender. HA!

    I read an article the other day about the psychological aspects of trolling and narcissism on the net. If I can find it again, I’ll tweet it to you. It was a cool read.

  70. Now I’m going to have to start following you on Twitter just so I can “tweet you to let you know that I’m following you BECAUSE you wrote something offensive.”

    Just as I think I’m winning in the Crazy Game someone blindsides me and steals the crown right outta my hands. Drat.

  71. People getting offended? Welcome to the internet, people. They better have a lot of time on their hands since the amount of offensive stuff on the internet to be loudly offended by is enormous.

  72. It’s silliness. People do the same thing on Facebook. Social Media makes those sorts of self-aggrandizing complaints too easy to make. Back in the old days you had to handwrite or type a letter on actual paper (using carbon paper to keep a copy) and stick it in the mail as a “Letter to the Editor.” That type of effort meant that you had to be a fully committed irate conspiracy theorist or prude to have your complaint read. Someone typing less than 140 characters to tell you how irate they are? Amateurs!

  73. That is the IRL equivalent of jumping up and down in a crowded restaurant and screaming, “Look at me! Look at meeeeee!” Puh-lease. Haters gonna hate, Jenny gonna awesome.

  74. I could not have said it better! I just received a hateful comment from a stranger. I wanted to message back, “Like I care.” The funny thing is that it was in response to a really happy, rainbow and sunshine post.

    Also? Why do they come back to our blog regularly if they hate us?

    Crazy ass people.

  75. Given that the word ‘stranger’ would imply someone even more strange, that word seems an unlikely fit for you, given your inherent and beloved strangeness. I think ‘persons unmet’ or ‘random digital life form’ might be a better match. By the way, is it bad that even though I have never met you, we refer to you as “Jenny” around the house, as if we’d completely connected on some emotional level, albeit us in a more receivery (fuck yes that’s a word) way while you do all the heavy lifting by having the more interesting life? As in, “Oh my god, did you see Jenny’s post today. Too fucking funny. She’s our kind of people. Dammit kids, you can’t say fuck in the house. Well of course I can say it, I’m the adult. Am so!”

  76. I don’t understand people’s need to tell celebrities that they are going to unfollow them. When I find one boring or obnoxious or whatever, I just unfollow. No need to announce it.

    In a similar vein, I don’t understand people who follow someone just to harass them and tell them how shitty they think they are. That’s not the point of Twitter!!! Whenever a celeb says they’re blocking an asshole, I cheer them on.

  77. Yay – this doesn’t cover me because I’ve Dm’ed with you, spoken to you in person, handed you gifts, been flickrd by you and have sent you the most fanf-ing fabulous bookends in the world. (Although, I have realized that one of those unicorns really needs to be zombified.)

    Also, I really don’t think you could ever offend me. What pussies.

  78. The converse is the close friend that secretly unfriends you from Twitter/FB/whatevs without saying anything at all. Passive aggression FTW!

  79. I love your offensive posts. I think I’ll follow you on twitter…though twitter stopped making sense long ago.

  80. Now if you actually posted their tweets on this blog post then you’d REALLY be worse than them.

    hint hint.

  81. That is very odd. I suppose they think that by informing you of your offenses you will suddenly leap up from your chair, cat flying from your lap and declare “THANK YOU, TWITTER STRANGER! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! NO LONGER WILL I EXPRESS THINGS THAT YOU IN PARTICULAR FIND OFFENSIVE FOR WHATEVER REASON! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND?!?”

  82. The internet abounds with trolls. You’ve finally met a few. You’ll probably meet more. Best bet is to ignore them and hope they crawl back under their rocks.

    On another note, I thought of you the other day. They were advertising a new TV show about taxidermied animals. (You aren’t on it are you?)

  83. For everyone that does that there are hundreds (thousands?) more, like me, that won’t go away even if you asked me to really nice.

  84. I don’t care what the random stranger of the Twitterverse think of you. I love you lady. You are the shit. You make my Dad laugh and nothing does that. So you get all the votes from me!

  85. Yeah, really stupid. So stupid that they are making me want to *be* them (if only for a day) so I can brag about how The Bloggess wrote a post…all because of my stupidity!
    You’re like a saint who’s making people feel special about themselves. And you’re not even trying! That’s how *good* you are.
    I adore you Bloggess. Never change. <3

  86. When I got on Twitter, dr. Dobson and Focus on the Family started following me. Did they fail to realize I say fuck like it’s going out of style?

  87. I’m mostly surprised by this because I’d just read a really awful book with lots of offensive content packaged as “edgy” and “humorous” before I picked up yours and I was SO REFRESHED by the way your sense of humor WASN’T offensive – defining offensive as ‘picking on discriminated groups of people’. And I haven’t seen a single instance of that since I started following you on twitter, either. So those people can suck it.

  88. You offended me so much that’s why I STARTED following you. 😉

    Also. I set up a nice Facebook page about a nice man in Sandy Hook and had 4 YouTube videos made about me being a A) a made up government hoax or b) a government operative intent on covering up the truth. People are morons.

  89. My wife @ElizabethPrice is and avid reader and follower of yours and often reads your posts and book to me before bed. I even take pictures and tweet things for her, to you and @wilw (Wil Wheaton for you new readers). I hope you do not let those others who confuse you take away from those who adore you. Keep making us smile. Be true to you! and those of us who buy a “Beyonce” to keep your wife happy. Love the Price’s from Northern Cal lost in Eugene, OR. 😉

  90. Is that Gandalf or Dumbledore? They look alike. This post was a laugh out loud one. People – especially strangers – are weird.

  91. If you were boiling puppies alive then yeah I would probably say so. Offended by what swear words? Thing is if we were to baby proof everything it would take all the interesting out of it. I mean how do you know what might be considered offensive to a stranger? Are they supposed to send you a list titled, IF YOU SAY THIS…I WILL BE OFFENDED or are you supposed to just know.

  92. Can I leave you a message that I won’t be talking to you anymore? I’m not unfollowing, I just don’t have anything to say.

  93. I don’t understand Twitter at all. I look at it and follow a couple people but that’s the extent of my knowledge. I don’t know how to do anything else and the thought of having to learn just makes me run and hide in a corner… And I’m only in my 20s!

  94. People who feel they must right the wrongs in the world by unfollowing your “offensiveness” on Twitter: GO get a REAL cause!!
    b. I am starting a campaign to be able to “like” the different comments on your blog. I always want to press like several times while reading through. Can we get a button that does that???

  95. Oh I love people who go out of their way to tell you they don’t like you, when really they could just go the fuck away. Stop wasting your time on me if you don’t like me. Just move on already.

  96. I would go so far as to say at least they’re courteous enough to let you know! Nothing ruder than unfollowing without explanation :P, Just sayin’

  97. We are polar opposites politically, but I still think you’re hilarious and brilliant.

    The people who get all butt-hurt over things you say need to get a life. And a sense of humor.

    Why don’t you repay their “favor” and send them clown porn?

  98. Hm, I’m always secretly wishing you would be MORE offensive. Honestly, you’re practically a nun. In fact, I’m offended at your lack of offensiveness! I’m unfollowing you! There, I hope you’re offended. 😉

  99. I’ve never understood the rationale behind announcing to someone that you will no longer follow them. As you so eloquently pointed out, neither of you knows the other. Your analogy was perfect. If it makes no sense in the real world, why do it in the virtual world?

    Do they really think that their anonymous disapproval will make you change your way of life?

  100. I am posting here to let you know that, even though you don’t know me and offending me is quite possibly something you would have great difficulty doing, I won’t be “unfollowing” you. You are one of two reasons I even started on twitter and now even though I follow some other people that frequently piss me off I am actually so lazy that I won’t even take the effort to click on “unfollow.” I should probably not admit that.

  101. You are amazing and relevant. Clearly anyone who unfollows you and then lets you know about it is just trying to steal some of your relevance. They lose.

  102. How does one expect to go through life and not be offended by something on the internet? If you don’t like just stop reading!
    Honestly, why would anyone stop long enough to tweet a crybaby message that they were unfollowing you?? Is that really a thing people do? I just unfollow and go about my day. Have I been doing the twitter thing all wrong this whole time?!?
    Dammit! I can’t even do the most narcissistic thing on the internet the right way!

  103. I am offended that I missed the offending tweet. I suspect it would have been something that made me more likely to follow you (if I wasn’t already).

  104. You could never offend me. I taught junior high sex ed for five years. After that, not much can get to you 🙂 And actually, I only got Twitter so I could follow you.

  105. If I Tweet, “@thebloggess I think we should be better friends,” would that make us real pals? Or do I have to wait until we meet in Naperville? Now I just sound creepy. Maybe I should run and hide now. OK. Fine. I’m leaving.

  106. I only get very polite unfollowers. They never tell me they’re going, they just leave.

    Which is even more maddening. So I obsess and check FriendOrFollow and try to figure out the exact moment when they decided “Nope. That’s quite enough puns for me!” or “Nobody likes hockey this much.” or “Stop trying to get Wil Wheaton to tweet at you.”

    Wil Wheaton DID tweet at me once, though. So maybe these people will come back, knowing that I wasn’t a crazy loser, but instead a crazy winner.

  107. Well, I like you because you say offensive stuff. And here we all are ranting and “fuck-youing” those strangers who will never see our replies, so really we are all just as bad as you and them and you have us. You don’t need them.

  108. Wait! What? People defriend you because you offended them? HA – more for us. Your LOYAL fans and followers. Their loss – our gain.

  109. Well, I’m here to confess. I too have been secretly stalking you but only because you are so offensive!!! I can laugh at things that go on in my head without feeling crazy and disturbed because you said it, not me :). Keep on being you and all that is you!

  110. Haha, perfect. The fucking mood I’m in right now, I wish I could shout this at the world.

  111. I love when people announce they’re unfollowing on twitter. The most passive aggressive way of trying to get attention.

    I normally don’t send tweets to people I don’t know in real life (due to my own weird head issues) but maybe I should regularly tweet you to let you know that I still love you and love still following you. Fight the haters!

  112. There’s always Justin Bieber, they could follow him. He is never offensive….that’s what I hear.

  113. I’m very upset because I can’t remember anything you said that was offensive. I’m now worried that you have a secret Twitter account devoted to your love of Dick Cheney and you blocked me from eavesdropping.

    I don’t think I can ever forgive you, so don’t bother asking.

  114. Doesn’t that mean you’ve made it? When random people tell you they don’t like you, you’ve become a star??? Well at least, that’s a good thought to have 🙂

  115. This sums up how I feel every time “You’re So Vain” is playing in the elevator riding up to the office. I start ranting in the elevator “It is about him…, this is so stupid”. I wonder if this is why I ride in the elevator alone a lot?

  116. This odd Twitter behavior is kind of like calling someone you don’t know on the phone to say, “I just wanted to let you know I’m never going to speak to you again!”

  117. Personally I wish Facebook did the same thing. Because when someone un-friends you, don’t we all secretly scan our list to try and figure out who it was?

  118. They’re probably the kind of weird-ass stalker-people who would fantasize about wearing your skin anyway. Don’t need those guys around now, do we?

    (You’re not gonna miss them!)

  119. I guess you’ve really made it when random creepy strangers who do not know you have strong opinions about you… I mean I am a random stranger who thinks you’re pretty awesome so that makes me a random awesome stranger.
    Carrie from Just Mildly Medicated

  120. LMAO!! This is great! 🙂 and so true! I also love when people “Follow” me just to get me to reciprocate and, if I’m not quick enough then BINGO! Unfollowed. BOO HOO, I say! Who are you again??? LOL You’re right; Twitter is confusing.

  121. Jenny, you look very, very wise when you are baffled.

    But you might try a little Preparation H around the eyes.

    Because nobody wants to look wise AND look, like, 900 years old.

  122. Someone famous once said, “Care little of your opinion about yourself. Care less of the opinions of others.” Or maybe I’m paraphrasing, but it sounds like someone famous said it. Anyway, I learned a long time ago that people with no lives are jealous of those who have lives. And in today’s social networked world, those who have lives have something to blog/tweet/post about. Those who don’t, complain. Loudly. To anyone who will listen.

    Ignore them. They are just jealous.

  123. This must be the same dogmatic stranger who unfollowed me for being-quote-“Racist against Eskimos.” (I always thought being Canadian made me a cousin of the Eskimo. But if some random stranger who doesn’t know me for shit can tell that I’m an Inuit xenophobe, then obviously I am.)

  124. Oh crazy people… the internet would be such a boring place without them. Perhaps more tolerable, but boring nonetheless.

  125. Jo Hilder just cracked me up.

    If they stop following you, then they’re not doing Twitter right! #twitterfail

  126. Darn it… I have read a few posts in the last few days now about people butt-hurt that other people sent them crappy emails about their blogs. This has remind me of a subliminal messages youtube video I listened to a few weeks ago. (I wish I could find it so I could link to it here.) The guy gives hundreds of inspirational and motivational gems, but this was my favorite, “Some people will say yes, some people will say no. So what.” Really, who cares. If he spent 15 minutes angry and composing a message to you… and you spend 15 seconds to read it and hit the delete button and never give it a second thought… YOU WIN! You are a funny funny lady and bring laughter to and brighten the days of LOTS of people. Just ignore the haters.

  127. What about the rest of us strangers who totally eavesdrop and try to talk to you and comment on your blog and send you random DMs and basically stalk you because you’re our hero? I feel like maybe that’s weird too.

  128. Hell, I follow you on Twitter because you say offensive things. Well, I don’t find them offensive myself so can only guess they’re offensive when other people take offence, so guess I follow you because it is fun to see other people get upset….probably says something negative about me…I never poked the hornet nest (almost never), but sure stuck around to watch other people poke it. Much more fun. Yeah, I must be a bad person.

    Also follow because you’re funny, and you’re human with all the frailties humans have, and because you inspire me to keep fighting against my passenger (who has been remarkably good for the last year or so—don’t know why, but I’ll attribute that to you and your book :-). Love you as much as it is possible to love a stranger whom you’ve never met, so is that like yelling I love you at a stranger passing by in a bus?

    Thanks…if people don’t want to follow, that’s their loss.

  129. What about the people who make a point of coming to your blog, and post a comment about how offensive your posts are, when they could just NOT READ THEM and life would still go on. I get that all the time.

  130. I’m with ya, especially after having a blogger write a vicious comment about a comment he thought I made (but didn’t). And yes, “menopause” was part of the insult.

    I will flog you with my unstable hormones, dumbass!

    Please, stupid people! STOP FOLLOWING US!

  131. When I was in college, I had the mouth of a sailor, but I had to give it back.
    Thanks for letting me read all those lovely Anglo-Saxon words that I don’t get to use at my corporate job, with my in-laws, or with my PTO friends. 😀

  132. hmmmm can’t say that’s ever happened to me. You should be happy that people can be bothered to tell you off. me? they just sort of hang up on me really….

  133. I’m outraged! Well, actually, I haven’t been on Twitter in a long time, so I’m not really outraged. But I promise to be outraged as soon as I go back and catch up on reading your tweets!

    mwa mwa. (That’s me blowing you kisses.)

  134. I’m starting to go a little cross-eyed staring at that old picture of you being annoyed. I just can’t do the twitter thing. I know you like it. People always ask me if I’m on it. It’s just too overwhelming to me. (I kind of don’t get it either and that might be the real reason for the aversion.)

  135. Who needs creepy lurkers anyway?

    heh, still giggling over tweet tweet motherfuckers.

    Please, never change.

  136. All I know is that I genuinely laugh every time I read your blog. Thanks for that!
    Love the LOTR reference btw!

  137. You make me smile! Every once in a while cry… But mostly smile! 🙂 Thank you for that!

  138. Wonder why anyone cares including me. Is this all that life is about? Random responses from odd named individuals. What was funny runs out of air after the comments burst the balloon. Silence is golden. Shhhhh.

  139. Those persons, and I say this with no offense meant – some of my best friends have been strangers with vendettas and pissy goodbyes – ought to consider the possibility that they might need to have their hearts blessed by a cadre of Southern women.

  140. Ironically, on the way over here I read a post on another page by some urchin named Paul about the singer Rihanna, and I thought “That’s it, no one is allowed to use the internet anymore”.
    So…………. I can only assume that this Paul fellow has a Twitter account too.


  141. In my opinion, you are pretty much effing hilarious, but when you say something offensive, well words can not describe how much i enjoy those times.

  142. Yeah, those comments always make me laugh. Like really? Do you think that person really gives a shit? Just unfollow, stop reading, whatever, and move on with your life.

  143. I’m following you! And looking at your boards! And reading your thoughts!

    Sorry, I thought I’d try to reach out like the unfollowers, but I don’t actually want to go as far as to unfollow you.

  144. Still love you. As a random twitter stranger. Does that make me a…stalker? Can I add that to a resume?

  145. I’m super offensive on Twitter in terms of raunchy sex jokes, I’m, baffled more people don’t unfollow me. I don’t understand why people take the time to be mean, though. It happens and words hurt, even when it’s some total douchebag stranger. Luckily there is s block button, if only we had a block button for regular life.

  146. P.S. Jenny, do you follow @Schmoodles? She’s British, she tweets about her depression sometimes and she is also super clever and funny. I just sent her a DM about you. XO

  147. I not only follow you on Twitter, I deliberately read your tweets even when they’re hours or days old. (And in theory you follow me, which makes me big-headed, although I don’t know if you bother with my tweets.)

    So there, strangers.

  148. i love you. i love that you are brave, and true, and offensive. i am just like you only scared-er. a-feared. not confident? you make me less scared to be me. i thank you.

  149. Better not diss (dis?) our Bloggess. We (the royal we) will turn into the crazed mob of villagers from Young Frankenstein. Torches, pitchforks and medieval bludgeoning devices for everyone! That’ll learn ’em. Afterward we’ll meet at my house for milk and cookies.

  150. We haven’t met, but hi. I’ve been eavesdropping myself since I read your book (the mouse on the cover lured me in) and I did want to say that you give me hope that there are men out there who can handle a little crazy like your Victor so I’m going to keep waiting for mine to show up and you make me laugh out loud at work and get into trouble at least once a week. I just thought I’d introduce myself so I wouldn’t appear to be a strange lurker.

  151. Maybe they thought they were talking to you telepathically. In which case they probably said the offensive thing to themselves. That’s power! You offended them without being present at all in the interaction. I say keep it up.

  152. UI had oral surgery yesterday and my little sister just stopped by to check on me. I showed her this post and asked her if it really was funny or if it was my pain meds that were making me laugh. She laughed and said that I was giving her the same look that gandolph was in teh gif, so I’m guessing it really is funny…I hope.

  153. People are unfollowing you and I got so excited when I saw you had followed me I about peed my pants. Seriously! I took a picture and posted it on instagram and everything! Now there’s some fangirling for you. 🙂

  154. you always make me giggle….just keep it coming..and screw anyone that is offended.. no … not literally Jenny… just figuratively or you may be busy… and piss Victor off. A lot.

  155. I never understood that. They must not have understood that you are the rhinestone eyes of a taxidermied ferret. Weird and creepy but incredibly awesome.
    I love that they think maybe you’ll care enough to clean up your act.

  156. Poster #6, Jo Hilder said it best….wait – the numbers stay the same at the top, don’t they?

    Anyway, Jo said “Tweet, tweet, motherfuckers.” And that just really said it all. Scroo’em.

  157. Hey assholes: If you’re feelin what Jenny has to say, follow her on Twitter. If you don’t, then don’t. Why be a hater? Really, for fuck’s sake.

  158. And Jenny: There are plenty of us that get you, love you, feel a kinship with you, and await your every word. So just think of that the next time you miss the stupid eavesdropping strangers.

  159. I’ll have you know that I *JOINED* twitter because of you. I was reading your post about trying to make the cats a waterbed and you mentioned that you live-tweeted the whole thing and I thought — I missed an EVENT … as it was unfolding!

    Now I’m all official and have professional connections on there. But originally? It was your crazy insomniac frolics that lured me to it 🙂


  160. There’s people on there who really create a secondary identity, which is oddly sad since there’s only enough room for a one-liner or to invite people to listen to your mixed tape.

  161. I sometimes think about how I could actually believe people are nice…if I never drove a car, or went on the Internet! Eff ’em!

  162. You must be doing your job correctly. Any idiot can go through life without offending the general public. I personally believe that it is my job to offend as many people every day as possible.

  163. I’m so confused by Twitter that I haven’t joined. I would probably only join to follow you. I might talk to you more though.

  164. OO but they TOLD you they were unfollowing. That’s celeb Twitter follower status. My unfollowers just leave quietly. And I’m never sure why …

  165. SO true!! I do stalk you, but only on your webpage, oh, and Pintrest, but not Twitter, mostly because I can’t figure twitter out, despite having an account. I have your book on my Kindle so unfortunately I couldn’t get you to autograph it when you were in Denver. I have also been told to stop reading it in public because it causes me to laugh out loud (I had the same response when I read “Calvin & Hobbes” in the bookstore), so now I read it on planes because those people are trapped with me and I think a hilariously laughing adult is much better than a screaming baby. So, to wit, keep it up!

  166. PS. How do you respond to or like a comment on Twitter? Anyone know? I think that is why I don’t like it much. Also, how do we “like” one of the comments above? Many of them I was just going “me too! me too!” as I read along and would like to like them!

  167. Well, good riddance. The people that really matter are already here. And here to stay.

    A+++ on that Gandalf gif!

    Bloggess Army 4Evaaaaaaaa!

  168. A friend told me about your site and it is very nice and respectful, at least from my world. My wife and I collected taxidermy for over 30 years. She died on the 22nd of January and I find that I need to liquidate virtually everything. I stuffed critters from 2 sorry looking squirrels to a red duicker head and horns. I’ve got chickens, pheasants, Thule elk (a particularly cute one), a huge moose full rack attached to the top of the skull and boodles more. Would you be interested in helping a widower out? There is a bar in Seattle that might want them, but a home with humor would be a nicer place. I miss my wife more than words can tell, but I really don’t have a place for these anymore. Thanks for taking the time, and if you haven’t already seen photos by Joel Peter Whitkin, he has a world view that is to say the least, interesting.

  169. Nick, sending you such love. I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. I do collect taxidermy but you can usually get really good prices on ebay. Or if you want to put the prices with pictures on flickr you can advertise them in the comments. ~ Jenny

  170. Though we haven’t gotten to ever meet, i feel like I’ve known you forever.I think i know more about you and your family than i do my own sometimes.And it doesn’t even feel weird to admit that lol.I find reading your blog highly uplifting and encouraging.I myself am dealing with mental illness.Its difficult to get along with when so many do not understand.Your blog really gets me through those rough days,not to mention the book…which I’ll be buying the paperback because you know i can’t miss out on a bonus chapter of that gold mine.Thank you for being so open with your life.

    Also, thanks for the follow on twitter.I’ll try to make sure my tweets are worthy of you. ;0) Have a wonderful!! ;0)

  171. Just so that some day, when I randomly get offended by something you say and need to inform you that I will no longer be checking the blog, hi – you’re awesome.
    So, until you offend me and I feel the need to once again do more than eavesdrop, sayonara.
    – Krista
    p.s. I don’t tweet, so you’re safe there…

  172. I’ve never understood that whole phenomenon. Why bother to tell some random stranger “I don’t really like you”? Just go away, if that is your bent. Just wanted to say I really enjoyed your book. I read it in the airport and people were giving me strange looks for randomly bursting out in laughter, it was awesome!

  173. To those twits that have ‘unfollowed’ you:

    “Go away already!”

    I follow you on Twitter for the same reason I read here- you make me laugh, cry and think. For free. It doesn’t get better than that.

    Oh, and I bought your book, but that was my choice- and a great one too.

  174. One of my friends in college was out running in a bad side of town at night, and was nervous as a cat thinking was going to happen to him. Every time a car went by, he got all jumpy. Then… a car came up behind him and slowed down and he was thinking, “omg, this is it, some psycho is going to put a cap in my ass!” Sure enough, the car pulled up beside him, the window rolled down, and then someone threw a banana at him. Drive by banana-ing!

    I think that’s what random offended comments on twitter feel like. It’s like… I guess that’s insulting?

  175. I love your blog…and your book (especially the post-it note chapter, which I read to my friend over the phone!). I have only one post on my blog (brand new), but feel free to check it out…Happy Vday:)


  176. Yeah, Twitter confuses me, but I will never stop eavesdropping on your fucked up conversations. I have mad love for you homey

  177. Haters gonna hate. That being said I’ve never understood unfollowing tweets and when people put as their status that they are going to defriend a mass amount of people on facebook. Do they want confirmation?

  178. As least you get to revel in their departure, as the door slams on their posterior! ..oops, were you meant to say, don’t let the door hit you on your way out! 🙂 ya, keep up the great work, i love the way you make the mundane pop..

  179. I don’t think I could ever unfollow you. That would be like pulling the plug! Of course, very little you would write will offend me. And I smiled all day when you followed me back. In fact, I saved the little email notification from Twitter. So take that, random unfollowing offended people.

  180. If it makes you feel any better… THIS random-person-you’ve-never-heard-of-before signed up for a Twitter account a few minutes ago JUST so she could follow you :). Good luck getting rid of me! Can’t wait to eavesdrop even more!!!!!

  181. Jenny- saw this in our local newspaper and thought you would LOVE it! There is a new show coming up on AMC called “Immortalized”. Someone relatively local from PA is on the show about taxidermy reality TV. There are two “regular” taxidermists and two not so regular (putting heads on other bodies). Anyways, I read it & immediately thought you should know about it! ~Becky

  182. Based on their logic, I should probably be contacting you regularly to let you know that I am following.

    “Jenny, based on your last post, I have to say that I am continuing to follow you.”


    “I found what you just said not offensive at all. FOLLOW!”

    “Stupid slut…is not anything I would ever say to you, because I love your writing and respect you as a person. Plus that’s a really sexist thing to say. Just wanted you to know.”

    I also have a huge pile of authors in genres I don’t care for to write to, so that I can let them know I have chosen not to read their books. I wish I’d known about this rule sooner. The backlog is going to take me years.

  183. As my Grandmother used to say ‘Fuck them if they can’t take a Joke’. Okay I’m pretty sure she didn’t use the word Fuck but that was in like 1910 so I’m allowing for future influence with her slang. I’m cool like that,

  184. Honestly.. I just wish you’d follow me back.. So I don’t feel like a dumb ass tweeting to you about Rosa’s… which I always end up calling Rita’s.. LMAO- I guess I want a margarita.. 😉

  185. I don’t tweet (or Twitter or whatever), but the only somewhat valid comment I’d like to share is this, “I really wish you had a site that used “What the flip” and “gosh darn” so my brilliant, funny but very eleven year old daughter could enjoy your website.” I’m not saying change TheBloggess, but maybe have a tandem site, TheBloggette for Juniors and those adults with tender sensibilities. Imagine all the G-rated promoters that would hunt you down for that site!

  186. That is so weird. When *I* unfollow people, I try to do it with stealth, hoping like hell they will not realize. I thought mostly people didn’t know if you unfollow because I’m sure I wouldn’t know unless it was a close friend or something, but after the first time I unfollowed someone, she tweeted me and asked what happened, and then I was consumed with guilt (cuz I like her, I just found her twitter stream kind of triggery, but that’s not her issue, it’s mine). I can’t imagine WANTING to tell someone you unfollowed them.

    I’m really curious what these people find offensive. Mushroom-shaped boobs? Angry vaginas? Taxidermied rodents in costume? It’s gotta be something really risque like arguments with your husband or pictures of your cats. You totes crossed the line there.

  187. That’s just silly! First of, you are hilarious and I really appreciate how you are very honest about how you feel, and secondly, if they are un-following you what the hell is the point it informing you? Did they think you would be like “OH NO…. how can I change myself to please u?? seriously, i live for you.” lol

  188. I discovered you through my friend Kim (aka Sunshine). Just want to let you know how much I’m enjoying your book. It’s so funny, that I can only read it in small doses, otherwise I might ”choke on my own spit”, as you would say. I just loooove your sarcasm. I hope more people find out about you. Lord knows, I’m glad I did ! Longue vie, Jenny La Magnifique !

  189. I don’t follow you on twitter, but I am sad that I missed several of your posts on facebook… I am so mad at facebook for depriving me of your wit and whimsy!

  190. Hooollleee shit! I’ll leave a comment on this one.

    I’ll friend ya! I just read your book. Never have ever heard of you before but funnily in the past have heard of the name The Bloggess and at the time just quickly thought to myself, now she sounds like a stuck up cow (The Duchess, The Princess) were descriptions running through my mind …. well I missed out on that link didn’t I? I think I’m the stupid cow.

    I freaking LOVED your book. I immediately recommended it to my 20yo daughter as the style of your thoughts in your book is very much like my daughter who is an amazing but weird and eclectic young woman and will go FAR in this world.

    Anyway …. I am now your biggest fan (ha!) and a dedicated follower to all your social media and since I live in Australia, there is no chance of me camping on your porch at 3am and screaming “I LOVE YOU BLOGGESS!” after having consumed 27 scotch and cokes and feeling the love.

    Seriously … you … are … the … shit! 🙂

    Sincerely Yours,
    (currently holidaying in Tokyo perving at all the cute salarymen … you know who you are! 🙂 )

  191. You should come up with a canned response:

    Something like, “We at The Bloggess are sorry to hear that you will no longer be following us on Twitter. Good luck as you craft your perfect twitter feed. If you decide you need any additional spice and excitement in it, please feel-free to re-follow. The Gracious Bloggess does not block. Cordially, The Bloggess” – except you’ll have to make it fit in 140 characters….Twitter is confusing.

  192. I’m totally a lurker of blogs and tweets and such- so I can kind of (pretty much totally) relate to those people, and I’ve totally “unfollowed” people just because they offended me. And I always feel hurt when these people who don’t even know me offend me, so when I unfollow them I’m always like, “yeah! Take that!” even though they probably (almost certainly) never even knew that I followed them in the first place. Anyways- I just finished your book today and totally laughed and enjoyed it greatly… I look forward to following your blog :)….

  193. So… I don’t have twitter, but I’m getting it right now. I MUST find out what you are saying that is so incredibly offensive. I feel left out that I’m not stalking you closely enough!!! Here I come twitter!

  194. Why’d do people even follow in the first place if they aren’t going to be interested in the content? Confusing.

  195. “I’ll miss you, stupid strangers.” Totally happens to me all the time. When I get my daily report of what cool stuff happened on Twitter while I ignored the place, and it starts out with who’s a new follower and who’s a new “quitter”, I absolutely click first on the quitters’ names to see who the heck this was that doesn’t love me anymore. Even though we never knew each other.

    I’ll never be the one on the sidewalk outside the bus, Jenny. I’ll always be the one hovering near your seat hoping you notice me!

  196. These people remind me of the drivers that flip me off in traffic when they are the ones that cut me off. Dang, you’ll be in San Francisco on your book tour while I’m out of town. Hope you’ll plan another trip next year. Hey, you should come to Petaluma, Ca. It’s just thirty-six miles north of San Francisco. (Yes, my brother and I had an argument over the distance, looked it up, and I won)

  197. I always assume that people who unfollow me were just overcome with a profound sense of unworthiness.

    Haha, I kid! I figure they just hate me and all that I stand for. Or perhaps liked my one fart joke and were disappointed when more weren’t immediately forthcoming.

    Anyway, to quote Gandhi, “Haters gonna hate, yo.”

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