And that’s why I love twitter

in Random Crap

This isn’t a real post.  It’s just an example of why I love twitter:

squirrels

87 thoughts on “And that’s why I love twitter”

Read comments below or add one.

  9. and it just keeps getting better y’all. If you just follow @TheBloggess that’s enough to make it worth the money

  19. It’s an evolution: Mama nurtures the baby squirrel, enrolls him in violin so that he’ll grow up cultured and intellectual. He rebels, like all young squirrels do at some time in their lives, and ends up a bandit with a gambling problem. Sure, he still carries around the violin case, only what’s inside these days makes a different kind of music…

  22. Mine drinks beer, and I missed the Squirrel Twitter party. Now I’M drinking beer. And my squirrel is crying and yelling, “You NEVER let me hang out with the Twitter squirrels!!”

  25. There once was a young man called Cyril
    Who lived in a wood near South Wirrel
    Preserve wildlife they said
    But it went to his head
    So he promptly pickled a squirrel

  29. So that’s what squirrels are such nasty, fearless little creatures. They’ll pop a tiny little cap in you if you don’t hand over the nuts. Mystery solved.

  31. one time i saw a squirrel climbing a telephone pole with a giant slice of pizza in his mouth. now that’s my kind of squirrel.

  32. I do not get Twitter, so am not 100% sure to whom the props belong – but whomever stated “well … that escalated quickly” …. Oh. My. God. Winning!!

  33. Our squirrels on our balcony in DC lined their nest with used condoms. Next stop, Etsy!

  34. I am seriously following the wrong Twitter crowd. I’m worse at picking people to follow than I am at picking the right checkout line at the grocery store.

  36. I really feel the need to write a soap opera about those squirrels and how one of them was cheating on the either and then ended up having a baby, and that drove one of them to a life of violence and crime.

  41. OMG I love animals playing instruments! I would consider owning a taxidermied (is that spelled right?) rodent if it were playing a tiny instrument.

  45. What if you had an entire ballet troupe of squirrels performing Swan Lake… and one could be the Black Swan. Now that is something for the Christmas List. OR THE NUTCRACKER! Sorry, I had a lot of coffee today. Loved those pictures.

  46. We once killed some baby mice by pitching a tent on them.

    Like little fuzzy gummy bears they were. In my weaker moments, that memory still draws a tear :'(

  49. Ha ha. I miss seeing squirrels running about now that I no longer live in TX.

    Check out these little guys (or gals)…
    http://feedly.com/k/XQzLw6
    {Scenes of squirrels in everyday life}

    Weird, but cute. Lol

  50. I never realized that baby squirrels were so tiny and adorable!

    Also, my best friend’s mom has a stuffed squirrel that protects her candy bowl. It would be creepy and ward me off if I wasn’t a candy fiend who would easily push aside a dead squirrel to eat 3-7 Almond Joys.

  51. Ok, Jenny, you win…I’m getting on the Twitter train (it’s a train, right?) but FOR THE RECORD I avoided this for 7 years! I told myself I would never do it but I just can’t stand to miss gems like this.

    Also last Wednesday I got barked at by a whole goddamn GANG of squirrels! I was walking in a person’s yard and they were all “get off ma lawn, young whipper-snapper!” Now if THEY had had guns, I’d be scared for sure because they would have teached me a lesson that day! I never thought I’d meet a whole gang of old man squirrels. I guess I’ll scratch that off the bucket list!

  52. I saw this as it happened and it was glorious. It took my mind off the squirrel in my neighbor’s tree that hasn’t moved for a few days. (RIP Squirrelly.)

  54. If you were a squirrel
    And I was your lady
    Would you marry me anyway
    Would you carry my baby
    In your mouth

  55. that settles it. i have a “man cave” all of my own now. muahahahah and there shall be some kind of mounted taximdermied rodent playing cards. or sports. or politics, i haven’t decided what just yet. but this space is mine.

    YES I’m forbidden to have a giant metal chicken out front by the Lovely Missus. YES there’s probably some local regulation forbidding it too (small metal chickens are apparently a gray area). But this, THIS my dear heroine is something I shall, nay, MUST have.

    and some sleep. Clearly i need that too. i’ll try that first.

  56. That squirrel must have been holding aces and eights, though.

    See you, space cowboy…..

  58. Oh, Twitter… However, I wouldn’t say that is so much an escalation as evolution! Brace yourself, the squirrels are coming.

  59. If I had the photos without comments I would of course known which squirrel is yours Jenny. Your creatures are always gangster.

  60. This is why I love the net. Especially places like Reddit.com ‘cuz you get to see and experience the most random crap out there. Where else would I get to see cats falling off tables and so forth.
    I wonder what kind of after taste carrying a baby squirrel around in your mouth would leave?

    Jason
    The Cheeky Daddy

  62. OMG I really love your twitter feed! But I got really confused when you said Victor bought a house when you were touring in California? Because just a few days ago you’d tweeted how you have like a new house with fences to keep your stalker away? Is this like a second house?

    Okay, I’m beginning to sound like the stalker now. But I’m really scared of your squirrel….he’s totally badass so you have *nothing* to worry about!!

    (It’s a second house until the one we’re in now sells, but considering this one will be empty of all furniture it won’t be a very functional second house. We’ve been looking for something for awhile, but pulled the trigger on the house that we’d both seen and liked. Now to pack. ~ Jenny)

  68. Baby squirrels look remarkably like baby gerbils. Do you suppose we could swap the babies out and the squirrels/gerbils would be any wiser? THAT’S the ‘switched at birth’ story I want to see. They both go to the same high school. The squirrel is an all-star cheerleader, on par for a full-ride college scholarship. The gerbil is the least acrobatic member of her family and must be the water girl while her family performs aerial feats. At night she cries into her pillow. Then one day, the lawyers for the hospital come forward and their whole lives change.

  71. Aww, baby squirrel is so cute. I kind of want a stuffed squirrel to keep in my office since squirrels are kind of the unofficial mascot of the school I work at. But I think it would horrify people just a little too much.

  72. I started humming “The Gambler” to the card playing squirrel. Kenny Rogers was in order for that one.

  74. I think you are slowly wearing me down on the taxidermied animal question. Instead of “Why the hell would I want one in my house” it is morphing into “How many can I put in my one house.”

  77. So many funny comments. I would miss all of this if I didn’t follow you on Twitter and your blog.

    Squirrels are very clever. When I was growing up in Iowa, there was a squirrel that knew exactly how high up the big tree our dachshund could reach and would stay one inch about that level and chitter while the dog barked his head off in frustration.

  79. There is not a better critter with better personality for random props and taxidermy poses than a squirrel. Seriously.

  81. You have an online community of joke taxidermy photography?
    Twitter is just a tool. This is the Power of the Internet.

  82. And…that’s why I will be doubling my Ambien dosage this evening.

    Here’s to hoping I don’t have nightmares about squirrels raising human fetuses.

    Okay, part of me wants that to happen.

  85. my all-time favorite item when i was a child was a tiny taxidermied squirrel that i took with me everywhere. i loved that thing. it was beautiful. i would sit it on my shoulder while we drove in the car… one day it disappeared. i suspect my father threw it away, thinking that dolls were a better toy.

  86. Long time no see, Grover Cleveland. Sorry about that time my cats ate your face. Hope there are no hard feelings.

    Jenny, when I met you in Boston last year, I totally blanked on telling you how flattered and elated I was that you wrote about me and that dead (sexy) squirrel in your book. Sometimes when I’m in bookstores, I pull your book off the shelf, open to p. 289 and then nod knowingly to shoppers standing nearby. I haven’t been arrested. Yet.

  87. The story how a squirrel gets born become a violinist and turns into a gun man… evolution? or pollution?

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It's like I'm stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

MY INSTAGRAM

This month’s book club picks are fire. For @fantasticstrangelings we have Lucky Red by @claudia.cravens and for @nightmaresfromnowhere we’re sending you Dead Eleven by @jimmyjulianobooks
Advice from Dorothy Barker: Go outside and find the sunset. Touch the grass. Bark at squirrels. Pee aggressively while staring at the neighbors. Eat a bug. The usual.
Instagram makes suggested reels based on old content and I assume most people have beautiful vacation photos or wedding compilations, but this is what they suggested for me.
Sitting in ihop after graduation and “who’s gonna drive you home” comes over the sound system and now I’m lightly weeping into my pancakes but I’M FINE.

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Game Night Kit: All-in-one classic card game kits make the perfect gift, but you’ll want them for yourself, too! Lets skip book club tonight, drink wine & play games instead ~time together is magic!

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Perfectionist Anonymous: Proudly serving unpolished working motherhood, with bipolar depression and hilarity on the side.

Active Voice Productions  made a cool little movie with a role they wanted The Bloggess for but instead got Bonnie Hunt. Seriously. That’s what happened.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

The Second: Colleen Burns Durda’s candid memoir about a suburban mom with a side hustle-she’s The Second Coming. Laugh, cry and learn how she copes with her bipolar diagnosis.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

The Family Skeptical Podcast: We’re an atheist couple raising two children – we ask big questions, dissect weird parenting moments, and are jealous that our cats get so much sleep.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: Just read it. Trust me.

%d bloggers like this: