Victor: JENNY, WHAT THE SHIT?
me: It’s weird how many of our conversations start like that.
Victor: No. It’s weird that I just looked at your account and saw a receipt for a taxidermied robot mouse.
me: Have you met me? Because – considering my history – that doesn’t really seem weird at all.
Victor: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
me: What’s wrong is that you never told me that if I was buying taxidermy to write about on my blog I could use those receipts as tax deductions. That robot mouse is practically paying for itself.
Victor: So you’re going to give the IRS a receipt for a taxidermied robot mouse?
me: Well, I bought it online so I don’t have a receipt. I thought I’d just send them a letter with a screenshot of this post. Think about what a pleasant change that will be for them compared to boring lists of server costs and standard occupational deductions.
Victor: You’re going to get us audited.
me: Only because they’ll want to come see the taxidermied mouse in person. BECAUSE, WHO WOULDN’T?
me: Wait. Take a look at it.
me: Right? How do you say no to an ethically taxidermied mouse whose eyes light up?
Victor: It…it looks like a tiny Ghostbuster.
me: EXACTLY. And I’m going to make a tiny green suit for him and call him “Venkman” and pretend he’s been recently possessed by Zuul.
me: Oh my God, you’re trying not to smile. I’m finally breaking you down with this one, aren’t I?
Victor: We’ve been married 16 years. It was bound to happen eventually.