Taxidermied robot mouse

in Random Crap

Victor: JENNY, WHAT THE SHIT?

me:  It’s weird how many of our conversations start like that.

Victor:  No.  It’s weird that I just looked at your account and saw a receipt for a taxidermied robot mouse.

me:  Have you met me?  Because – considering my history – that doesn’t really seem weird at all.

Victor:  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

me:  What’s wrong is that you never told me that if I was buying taxidermy to write about on my blog I could use those receipts as tax deductions.  That robot mouse is practically paying for itself.

Victor:  So you’re going to give the IRS a receipt for a taxidermied robot mouse?

me:  Well, I bought it online so I don’t have a receipt.  I thought I’d just send them a letter with a screenshot of this post.  Think about what a pleasant change that will be for them compared to boring lists of server costs and standard occupational deductions.

Victor:  You’re going to get us audited.

me:  Only because they’ll want to come see the taxidermied mouse in person.  BECAUSE, WHO WOULDN’T?

Victor:  *sigh*

me:  Wait.  Take a look at it.

AND he's a former movie star. So there's that.

Victor:  Huh.

me:  Right?  How do you say no to an ethically taxidermied mouse whose eyes light up?

Victor:  It…it looks like a tiny Ghostbuster.

me:  EXACTLY.  And I’m going to make a tiny green suit for him and call him “Venkman” and pretend he’s been recently possessed by Zuul.

Victor:  Hmm.

me:  Oh my God, you’re trying not to smile.  I’m finally breaking you down with this one, aren’t I?

Victor:  We’ve been married 16 years.  It was bound to happen eventually.

207 thoughts on “Taxidermied robot mouse”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. Yay for finally finding Victor’s weak spot. Guys can never resist the allure of Ghostbusters. 🙂

  4. That SO looks like a proton pack! I cannot wait to see the completed taxidermy robot mouse Venkman who’s been recently possessed by Zuul!

  8. YES! A tiny robot ghostbuster mouse! Now you just need some slime to complete the scene. Or a giant marshmallow.

  9. Thanks for this. My cover “quiet college student” has been blown and now I’m “NutCase woman who boisterously laughs while she reads her phone during break.”

  10. With the amount of dead animals you own, I’d start worrying less about an audit and more about a full CDC Quarantine lockdown.

  11. Wow, that thing does look like a tiny Ghostbuster. I’m not scared of mice or rats, but that thing would probably give me Robocop Vermin nightmares.

  17. OMG, I had no idea that taxidermied animals could be a tax deduction for writing. You’ve just opened a whole new world for me Jenny. Let the buying begin…

  20. I’m pretty sure I need a link to that video (I’m way too lazy to type it out).

  21. The only thing more awesome than this is a taxidermied mouse dressed as The Doctor. With a tiny sonic screwdriver, of course. And, ideally, next to a blue mousehole labled “Police Box”.

    Internet, make it happen!

  28. LMAO well now you know he has a soft spot for Ghostbusters I would fully use that to your advantage before he catches on.

  29. I honestly don’t know what is better the mouse or the Ghostbusters references. I took a film class one semester and this 23 year old girl said she didn’t watch movies made before she was born and in the entirety of film history the only thing I could think was “You’ve never seen Ghostbusters” cuz I’m an adult like that.

  30. OMG – I was thinking of you this weekend and wishing your father were handy to help me with my rat Mr. Wiggles who passed away – I would have loved to have him preserved forever!

  32. “It…it looks like a tiny Ghostbuster.”

    You can tell this is the exact moment when his resolve crumbles. That little hesitation there.

    I heart your posts so much. <3

  34. FRIEKEN’ hilarious ! I knew if I scrolled down, eventually I’d see a picture. Never, in my wildest dreams (and when the bloggess is associated, they are WILD) did I think I’d see something THAT funny. I have to remind myself not to eat whilst perusing your blog anymore (wiping monitor).

  38. My first thought was Ghostbuster. Holy crap, Bloggess. thank you! I totally needed that after being up half the night with a sick hubby, having to make all the lunches for kids, dropping the kids off at school, then being late to work. Smile!!!!

    You rock my world!

  43. I swear to God, my first thought was, “Why is that mouse wearing a jet pack?” Then I read a bit further and I was like, never mind.

  44. ZUUL MOTHERFUCKER ZUUL.

    Ehem.

    I heartily approve of this post and the fact that you appear to have broken Victor.

  45. I’m just bummed that he won’t need a Gryffindor Scarf. (Also, if you bought him from Etsy, you probably paid via PayPal so just print that transaction and VOILA, you have a receipt. Victor and the IRS will live in happy harmony.)

  46. That is awesome in so. many. ways.

    FWIW, for my soapmaking business, I do most of my ingredient purchases online, and I just keep the emailed receipts in a separate folder and then send it all to my poor beleaguered accountant at tax time.

  47. Sooooo….. how long before we get a picture of Venkman sticking up Juanita Weasel?

    I love you btw….. every little bit.

  51. I’ve been eying that mouse for a while debating on whether or not to buy him and turn him into a Ghostbuster… Great minds think alike!

  53. Awww he gets you more then he pretends he does 🙂 I love reading these exchanges between you and Victor…so hilarious!

  54. Jenny!
    I finally made you an addition for your Harry Otter series. I posted a teaser pic on your FB blog (that I’ve linked in ‘website’… Let me know if you want him!

  56. At this point, I am certain people are custom making these things knowing you’re going to buy them. Because that’s totally normal. To clarify, the making of uniquely skilled ghostbusting rodents might be the abnormal thing. You buying them, a given.

  57. Fantastic. Maybe you can find more robot mice and have a whole team. You can dress Juanita the weasel as Janine.

  59. You need to buy enough robot mice to reenact Ghostbusters with them. NOW. Do it NOW. Oh my god, we could rerecord the opening title music to sound like mice are singing it. I am just an idea machine today! I AM ON FIRE PEOPLE!

  63. “she sleeps above the covers, four feet above the covers!”…. Oh key master!

  65. Have I ever told you that I love you! I mean really, you are HILARIOUS! I wish you were my neighbour.
    BTW, I love Megans idea, and a little white hearse with the Ghostbusters logo!

  66. Is it horrible that I send your posts to my husband and say, “See? I’m not THAT bad!” 😉

  67. He’s been laughing internally for years. Is he a Capricorn? He has to be to stand stoic in the face of a robot rat. Who ya gonna caaaall?

  69. Holy crap I love it! The whole idea of the light-up eyes is hilarious!

    I’m so glad that you were able to put a chink in Victor’s resistance armour; it had to happen eventually 😉

  74. Beyonce totally opened the door in Victor’s heart for Venkman to robotically walk through.

  76. If I was an IRS agent, not only would a picture of Venkman make me gloriously happy, but I also would have allow him to be an additional dependent, simply because of his awesomeness.

    Happily ever after, the end.

  77. That is clearly a taxidermied *cyborg* mouse. A robot mouse wouldn’t have any organic parts. Not sure if that’d be enough of a problem to trigger an IRS audit, though. You purchased it “in good faith” after all.

  82. I love that Victor has been broken. I also love that he tried to hide the fact that he was getting excited about the tiny Ghostbuster mouse by not smiling. Hilarious. I can almost picture this whole interaction with you guys in my head and it makes me grin like an idiot. Also…that guy couldn’t have asked for better press than having you buy his mouse and post the link to the video. I watched it…all endings. Looks like he has a thing for taxidermy as well with all the different taxidermy option she had in his video. Is he selling that two headed mouse crow as well?

  83. I love it. As long as it’s prepared to help if I should ever turn into a dog. Or if I find a Twinkie the size of NYC. Because I’m certainly not prepared.

  87. I am blown away: lazer eyeballs and its own movie? You have a real Rescue Ranger on your hands.

  88. Actually, it looks like a rodent suicide bomber.
    Great, now I have to profile rodents too!
    “Hello, 9-1-1? There’s a rat here that looks more dangerous than your average rat.”
    (click)

    Jason
    The Cheeky Daddy

  90. I tried to find a taxidermied Doctor Who mouse for commenter 21, but did you know when you Google taxidermied mouse images, almost all of the links come back to this blog?

  91. The expensify app will make a screenshot of any web reciept… I’m just sayin’. Get on with your bad self.

  95. Oh my god. Am I the only one who went to youtube and watched that movie? Wow. I mean… wow. It was simultaneously horrific and awe-inspiring. It’s like a choose-your-own adventure with a dead mouse. And yes, I watched all four different endings. And now I can never unwatch them.

  99. that is one cool-ass mouse! Do you know how to taxidermy? If so, I have a gaggle of mouses you can have- after I catch them ! (the mowed the field near the campground I am parked in with my vintage camper and now I have loads of cute little mouses sharing my abode) I’d let them stay but the shit everywhere and eat too much. PS- dogs are not as cats for catching them.

  100. that is one cool-ass mouse! Do you know how to taxidermy? If so, I have a gaggle of mouses you can have- after I catch them ! (the mowed the field near the campground I am parked in with my vintage camper and now I have loads of cute little mouses sharing my abode) I’d let them stay but they shit everywhere and eat too much. PS- dogs are not as cats for catching them.

  101. What exactly would be an example of a casualty of the pet trade?

    (My guess? A pet mouse that died naturally before being adopted or before being fed to another pet that only eats mice, like reptiles. ~ Jenny)

  103. Gross. It’s like a train wreck. “I can’t stop looking at it!!” Have your Cats seen this guy..?www.lifeasamorticianswife.com

    -Lynne Houston

  105. I would definitely call that robot mouse to take care of any ghost infestations.

  106. I love the “one” in, “one of the endings for my interactive film.” I am intrigued to know more about the other options, it being interactive and all. One of my many endings…one of the safer endings…one of my PG rated endings…

  111. Just watched the ‘After Mouse’ video(s). Somewhere out there is a robot rat:

  112. I’ve always said, and I mean ALWAYS, that I hate mice (RODENTS) in general of all kinds. That said, this one is so cute and adorable I just love him/it. I’ve had a pretty couple of rough weeks and more to come and I didn’t think anything would make me crack a smile but this little sweetheart did. LOL. Thanks, Jenny. Laurie F.

  113. Its creepy! And odd! But its very different. Your husband is the most patient, and loving person I can imagine.

  114. Welcome to the dark side, Victor! We have t-shirts. And Red Bull. Problemly.

  115. YIPPEE!!!!! Omigosh Victor coming over to the dark side is hilarious and awesome.

  117. That put a smile on my sad face today.
    p.s. Victor secretly loves all of your crazy shit. Just remember that next time you buy/do/say something freaky.

  120. We can stuff animal carcasses and sell them for commercial gain, but if you try it with people you’re labeled a serial killer.
    What a world.

  122. Have you read “Dirty Job” by Christopher Moore? If not, you really must. I thought of you each time one of the legions trying to prevent Darkness from taking over was described. Each Legionnaire was a taxidermied creature made up of various animal parts dressed in wee costumes and imbued with human spirits. Imagine Zorro as a walking 14″ tall alligator with duck feet and a wee sword, or a squirrel with chicken feet in a pink prom dress and you’ll understand why you MUST read this.

  125. A motherfucking robot taxidermied mouse? Jenny? To be honest, I’m a little surprised you’re just now getting one.

    My love for you just grows and grows. By leaps and bounds.

  127. Oh my god, this post makes me so happy. I nearly cried. You are so. awesome. Thanks for being you and sharing your awesomeness with the rest of us!

  131. Aaaaahahahaaaaa! Sigourney BEAVER! Omigod, I think I hurt myself laughing.
    This whole post, comments included, is freaking fabulous.

  135. All I can think of is the tiny little phone he would need when someone finally figures out who they’re gonna call.

  136. I just showed my fiance his post, his response? “I can see us having the conversation way too easily!” yeah he’s a keeper

  139. I can only hope to bring a spouse around to my ridiculousness in less than 16 years.

    Also, I really couldn’t have guessed there were so many taxidermied items out there that weren’t just your average wall-mounted heads. I’m not sure if this gives me hope or concern.

  141. when is robot mouse not a legitimate business expense? i think the answer is never. that might be a double negative… main point here is robot mouse is the best investment you could ever make.

  144. Maaaan…. I was just telling Chris today about your amazing taxidermied, tophat wearing creatures, but this really ups the ante. I feel like I’m learning from the best, every time I read your blog.

  147. It is pretty awesome! I will show my boyfriend all your posts when I start my taxidermy collection, then he won’t be able to complain! 😛

  148. You could totally use him for a cover of a book in 2014 — in honor of 45 years since the moon landing. (Can I tell you that it sucks having your major milestone birthday years always pointed out months before when you’re trying to ignore them?)

  149. where do you find all these gems? It looks like craigslist, but my craigslist never has this kind of stuff… lol

  151. I have some concerns that must be addressed. It says his legs were replaced…so were they removed? Where are they? Were they donated in some sort of mouse organ donation program? (Or maybe it’s not a donor program just for mice. I’m not exclusive.)

    And his eyes only light up when you continually press the button?

    Even Jem (who was truly outrageous), had a doll with earrings that lit up continually after you flipped a switch. That was 80s technology.

    I think the mouse taxidermy world can do better. Don’t we deserve better?

  152. Man, that is just going to freak the shit out of any mice who happen to pass through your new digs …
    Not to mention the trauma to HST: a mouse who fights back!

  153. Today I learned this: If you type “The best thing on the internet” in Google images and scroll down, there is literally a picture of you in your red dress. There are good things.

  158. Dude. You bought it online. Did you not get an email notification of the purchase? That’s your receipt. Print it out and give it to Victor.
    Taxidermied former movie star mouse. There is NOTHING not to love about that.

  160. Usually, my husband has many of the same reactions Victor has to your blog, BUT he loved the idea of Venkman and said “Please, can she please do that. That would be awesome!”

  162. I love this little guy. I wish there could be one named Louis Tully. I think he never got the fair shake to be a real ghostbuster. I mean he has all the smoked salmon. from Nova Scotia, Canada, $24.95 a pound. But remember it only cost him$14.12 after tax, though.

  163. this post made me love Victor a lot!
    after 9 years of marriage (tomorrow!) and almost 16 years together my husband still doesn’t get me

  164. Of all of the discussions about taxidermied robot mouse former movie stars that couples have, this has to be the sweetest.

  165. you need a half gargoyle/ half bull mastiff taxidermied girl friend for venkman. with red light up eyes that freakin smokes real smoke. venkman alone is simply not enough. finally, victor is coming to the dark side of funny. well played tax write off jenny.

  166. Egon was my favorite Ghostbuster. I think the led eye lights are a nice touch if you have to have a taxidermied robot mouse. Good find for sure!

  167. Um I’m with Charlotte (Charlotte @ Commitness to Fitness) – they replaced his mouse legs with robot legs? I’m not sure those are robot legs. Robot legs are normally made of metal like the Tin Man. Not wire like a bomb.

    On the other hand, I do totally agree with your point about the IRS. I bet there is some accountant holed up in Washington that would kill for a robot mouse screen shot as a receipt.

    Did you watch The After Mouse?

  169. I can’t believe it took Victor this long. I mean… I think he’s just been bottling up his love for all of your dead animals… I bet that while you’re gone, he naps with them. No joke.

  171. Agreed, @Steve D, this is clearly a Cyborg Mouse, not a Robot Mouse. Perhaps some more truth in advertising? 😉
    Great idea though!

  173. Men… it’s no taxidermied cat remote control helicopter. (Yes, such a thing exists)

  174. As soon as Victor said it looks like a Ghostbuster, I knew you had converted him. Now it remains to be seen whether he only likes robot mice or will see the value in your future acquisitions.

    Oh, and thanks for the earworm.

  175. I’m so glad you included the description because I thought he was a standard “Ghostbuster Mouse” that you can buy on any old street corner. For a moment, I thought you got ripped off.

  176. Please tell me your next purchase is a”runt” mouse dyed green. So you can make is a ghostly sheet costume and name him “Slimmer”! That would be so badass.

  177. hahaha. you are hilarious. this totally reminds me of the movie Dinner for Schmucks. If you haven’t seen it, you have to. You would love all of his taxidermied mice.

  179. So I was at a party this weekend when my mom mentioned an aunt with a house full of dead animals and my sister explained to other guests that my cousin is a taxidermist. And I was like, “There’s one in every family.” I’m not really sure how true that is, but I may use your book to back me up. I’m not sure why we were discussing dead animals at a baby shower.

  182. I read your posts to my wife. I think Victor should know that he scares my dog, Rosie, when he yells. Please ask him to think about my poor girl the next time he thinks about yelling “WHAT THE SHIT,”. thank you.

  184. MY husband and I were visiting with friends when the below site came up…wwwcarleefernandez.com/works/friends. I of course thought of you. I mean who doesn’t need a recycled goat. I would put him in my bathroom as a conversation piece and call him Sherpa!

  186. Hahaha Ghostbusters mouse is AMAZING!!!

    I agree with the other commenters, definitely send this into your tax dept, it will make their year! I need to now find a hobby/passion that I can make tax deductible and work and blog related!

  190. I’m breaking you dowwwnnn * Steven Urkle voice*…lol fave dead stuffed animal yet..actually the link alligator is awesome as well

  191. I know this is beside the point of how amazing and quirky your taxidermied rodent is, but it’s not a mouse, it’s a rat. Probably a dumbo rat if that helps reality more palatable.

  192. I work for the IRS, and I would absolutely *love* to see a taxidermied robot mouse as a business expense! And hell, I’ve seen blood, severed limbs, and assorted body parts claimed on Form 4797 (Sale of Business Property), so why not a dead cyborg rodent?

  194. It’s really tough to choose, but this might be my favorite conversation between you and Victor EVER.

  196. about the receipt? I assume no web receipt? Why don’t you print to PDF your confirmation of the order via e-mail or in your e-bay account? Your pay pal or credit card receipt should work as a tax record though. that is how I do most of mine. :p You at least have visual confirmation that you used it for work because it’s on your blog. Ask your tax guy if it isn’t Victor.

    If you can’t do Veckman, try Stantz. He was the one that did say “catch it!” in the NY library.

  197. I don’t allow robots in my house. I won’t help them take over the world. Not even if its attached to a cute little mouse. I guess that makes me team Victor here.

  200. Robot mice are awesome! And this one has such a cute pointy nose.
    I don’t usually leave comments, but I just had to comment here because of the internet name I use. It’s good to see that there are more cybernetic rodents out there. Not enough for world domination, but we’ll get there eventually.

  201. Jenny I want you to know that when I’m pissed off or shocked I start all my texts with “The Fuck Victor” ? It’s just part of my lexicon now.

  202. Any advice on getting custom taxidermy done? Specifically, I’m looking to have an animal set in a custom post with specific items in its hand-paws-claws…. Thanks! 🙂

  203. For a second, I read that as “ethnically taxidermied mouse”. And I was like, “Funny, it doesn’t seem to be wearing a folk costume or anything, do you mean the taxidermist was dressed in a… Oh.”

    Time to go to bed.

  206. Jenny, this is one of my favorite posts ever on your blog. It makes me laugh like an idiot every time I read it. Actually, it inspired me to give something dead to one of my best friends for her birthday, so that you for that.

    I told my husband that my friend was getting something dead for her birthday one way or the other….

  207. Ha! I was just watching “@midnight” on Comedy Central from June 25th, 2014, and they showed a picture of your mouse-buster! My husband said, “I bet that person loves Jenny’s blog.” And I looked at him and said, “That picture is ON Jenny’s blog!” Then I read it to him. Ad then I called him Victor! His name is Jarod. Awesome!

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It's like I'm stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

MY INSTAGRAM

Happy 50th birthday to this absolute legend. I love you, mister.
Swipe to enhance.
Personalizing stacks of books today and having lots of feelings. So many people send my books to others who are struggling. They ask me to write specific notes to their loved ones and the requests are so beautiful that I want to share them but I won’t bc it seems too personal. But just between you and me, if you’ve written something lovely to someone you love and I get to transcribe it for you I feel very lucky bc your words touch me as well. I am warmed by your fire.
Apparently two of my books were used without permission to train generative-AI systems. So, that sucks.

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

The Family Skeptical Podcast: We’re an atheist couple raising two children – we ask big questions, dissect weird parenting moments, and are jealous that our cats get so much sleep.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

Sarah Linn on Medium: Humorist or unstable person with an internet connection? You decide.

Uncommon Creatures Digital Portraits: Animal art inspired by Earth’s most magical creatures. Got your own beloved pet you’d like to memorialize? Have no fear… let me turn your fur-baby into a work of art.

Dark Matter Zine talks to authors, actors and artists in a free podcast available on all good podcasting platforms. Plus book reviews, book launches and more.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

%d bloggers like this: