May 2013 – The Bloggess

And that’s the best way to respond to: “WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING YOUR PHONE?”

Conversation with Victor after the 40,000th time I failed to answer my phone: Victor: I AM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU. WHY DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING ANSWER YOUR PHONE WHEN I CALL YOU? me: I didn’t hear it because I was too busy yelling at some idiot who claimed that you weren’t the most understanding andContinue reading “And that’s the best way to respond to: “WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING YOUR PHONE?””

Apparently we’re all full up on horses asses in this house.

Texts to Victor… me: Hey, guess what? I finally found the perfect barstools! Victor: Wow. That had better be a half-assed attempt at a joke. me: You’re terrible at math. It’s at least two asses full. Plus, we’ll look like centaurs from the back. SO AWESOME. Victor: I’m canceling all of your credit cards untilContinue reading “Apparently we’re all full up on horses asses in this house.”

I’m never taking pictures in the bathroom again. Probably.

Conversation with friends at a bar & grill this week: me: Oh my God, you guys. You wanna see a completely fucked-up picture of what you see after you go to the bathroom here? Maile: No. Not at all. Jason: I’m pretty sure we do not want to see a picture of that. me: No, youContinue reading “I’m never taking pictures in the bathroom again. Probably.”

I don’t need your sarcasm, cats.

My cats, Rolly and Hunter S. Thomcat, pretty much every-damn-day-of-their-lives: ***************** And in entirely unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap up: What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.): I HEART ZOMBIES What you missed on the internets: Kick-ass stuff IContinue reading “I don’t need your sarcasm, cats.”

For the love of God, entertain me.

This has been the shittiest week ever and so instead of publishing a real post today I’m just sharing a video of my cat (Ferris Mewler) who is currently practicing rolling over. Because cats doing dog tricks make me feel less stabby. FERRIS, ROLL OVER: Also, spellcheck just tried to autocorrect “less stabby” to “lessContinue reading “For the love of God, entertain me.”

Me and the internet

This cat = me trying to actually get work done. This weasel = my brain trying to destroy me: Me: I have work to do. Weasel: You should check the internet because remember yesterday when that one person on the internet was wrong and it made you so mad, but not actually mad enough toContinue reading “Me and the internet”