Ask me anything (hat tip to Reddit, which I’m not on because it scares me.) I’ve been drinking.

Sometimes people send me interview questions and then I totally fuck up and forget to do them and so tonight I’m going to spend the next hour answering any questions in my comment section until you get bored or until my ADD meds wear off.  (I’ll answer them in the comment so refresh to see the answers.)

Feel free to use anything on this post if you one day need interview questions answered for some journalism class you’re in.  This totally counts.  How do I know this?  Because I have a Bachelor of Journalism degree.  And that’s your first answer.  It’s very boring and I blame whoever asked it.  They are horrible at interview questions.

PS.  The Bachelor of Journalism degree is often referred to as the “B.J. degree.”  This is not a joke.  It was called that, completely unironically, by the head of our department, Richard Seaman.

Dick Seaman gave me a B.J. degree.

PPS. Huh.  Never mind.  That was a good question after all.  Carry on.

549 thoughts on “Ask me anything (hat tip to Reddit, which I’m not on because it scares me.) I’ve been drinking.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. What do you do with all the gifts you get from fans?

    (Almost all of them are in a big box in my closet but a ton of fan art is hung up in my office. About a quarter of the stuff hung in my office are gifts people gave me. ~ Jenny)

  2. What’s the thing you most wish you hadn’t done, and if it were a cocktail, what would you call it?

    That may be two questions. But I don’t think so.

    (The Bitchy-Sixth-Grader. ~ Jenny)

  3. If you could only read the same three books for the rest of your life, what would they be?

    (Holy crap, that’s a good question. Um…I guess they’d be my three comfort books that I read when I’m sick. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. The Collected Sandman. From the Dust Returned. ~ Jenny)

  4. What is something you really want to do, but haven;’t yet and why?

    (Traveled to Europe. Travel scares me. ~ Jenny)

  5. Are you wearing the TARDIS socks I gave you in St. Louis?

    (I wore them – I have a picture somewhere) but my calves are so fat that the TARDIS was literally wider than it was tall. It was very sad. I lent them to my very thin niece and she sends me pictures of her wearing them all over California. ~ Jenny)

  6. Who made Hamlet the mouse on your book cover?

    (Her name is Jeanie. I mentioned her in the acknowledgements. She was happy to see him doing so well. ~ Jenny)

  7. I have a Bachelors of Science in Marketing. Which means I have a BS in Marketing. Just sayin. Also, I read your blog every day and your book is so funny it makes me laugh til I’m nauseous. HOORAY!!!

    (HOORAY FOR INTENTIONAL NAUSEA! ~ Jenny)

  8. If you could have any animal as a pet, with someone else to clean up after it, what would you get?

    (I can’t pick just one. How about a ferret attached to a hedgehog with a slow-loris coming out of it’s stomach. ~ Jenny)

  9. Dorothy or Alice?

    (Alice. I can’t see an Alice in Wonderland book and not buy it. I probably have 30. ~ Jenny)

  10. What is your favorite Bluebell ice cream flavor?

    (I’m a terrible Texan. I’m lactose-intolerant and I will explode if you put ice-cream even near me. ~ Jenny)

  11. When can we expect a sitcom based on your life? And who would play you and Victor?

    (I’ve actually had lots of offers and so far I’ve turned down all of them. Ideally though I’d be played by Mindy Kaeling and Victor would be Seth Rogen or Will Ferrel. ~ Jenny)

  12. Holy crap! I was first. Okay, that question was silly, and this one is lame, but… What sort of tips would you give someone who is just dipping their foot into the writing pool? I am trying to write more often, but I am also terrified that people might read it.

    (Write for yourself and then you’ll never disappoint others. Delete half of everything you write. Never write anything that hurts someone. Write until you find your voice. I’ve written as long as I could remember. True writers aren’t necessarily good but they have no choice but to write. Writing is my drug. One of them, at least. ~ Jenny)

  13. I live in San Antonio – was wondering if you have any favorite/unique places in or around the city?

    (The Menger. It’s right next to the Alamo. You can get a room for under $100. It’s haunted. There’s a Ripley’s across the street and a two headed cow flies by the window at night. I’m a super-fan and I stay there when I have a big deadline and need to get away. ~ Jenny)

  14. do you think you could ever work at a “normal” job again – like 8-5 type stuff?

    (I have literal nightmares that I have to go back to a certain job I hated but I mostly loved working regular jobs. I miss the interaction. That’s a shitty answer to give to people aspiring to leave the 8-5 world. Sorry. ~ Jenny)

  15. Did you ever see a taidermied (is that correct…oh well) animal that was just way too creepy or weird for you to buy or want?

    (Too creepy? No. Too stinky? Yes. I always like to smell my taxidermy first. That’s the downside to buying on ebay. ~ Jenny)

  16. What is your favorite place in the Texas Hill Country?

    (My house. I’m right at the edge of it though so that might be cheating. ~ Jenny)

  17. When? When did you start writing, errr, *creatively*? When did you decide it was a calling? When did you make your first buck off it?

    (I don’t remember a time when I didn’t write. I was in AP writing in high school, and I was a yearbook editor and worked on the paper through college. I basically wrote for free until a few years ago when my blog couldn’t handle the traffic load and I had to get a dedicated server. I couldn’t afford to pay that much each month so I offered up ad spots and other bloggers picked up the spots. It was awesome because they didn’t care what I wrote about. I think I did blogher ads for a bit too, but I never made much so I stopped. It might be different now. ~ Jenny)

  18. You’re traveling with The Doctor and he lets you choose your next destination. Where/when do you choose? (and also which Doctor are you traveling with because I’m greedy and want to know it all)

    (As long as it’s David Tennant we can just stay in the TARDIS. ~ Jenny)

  19. Who are ten people living or dead that you’d like to invite to dinner?

    (Jesus, Neil Gaiman, Dorothy Parker, Hunter S. Thompson, Will Ferrel, Victor, my grandmother, Nina Simone, Death, DB Cooper. ~ Jenny)

  20. If you found yourself back in time would you lay low or would you exploit your knowledge of the future for profit?

    (I don’t actually know that much about the present so I’d probably just lay low and try to kill Hitler. ~ Jenny)

  21. What is your favorite taxidermied animal that you own?

    (James Garfield. We’ve been through a lot together and both of us have seen better days. ~ Jenny)

  22. Will you adopt me?

    (Yes. You are now Luna Lovegood Lawson. Also, I just refound the little book you wrote in and doodled for me. Still love it. ~ Jenny)

  23. No question, just a thank you. Thank you for talking about your depression, and thank you for being so awesome. I print that bracelet a couple of times a year, and it really does help. I am forever grateful.

    (Now I’m blushing. Thank you right back. ~ Jenny)

  24. How are you enjoying West Texas?

    (I was there a few weeks ago but now we’re closer to Central Texas. I still miss West Texas but I’m getting used to the new normal. ~ Jenny)

  25. Confess it now.
    You’re going to be coming out on Sunday as the Twelfth Doctor, aren’t ya?

    (Spoilers, sweetie. ~ Jenny)

  26. When life gives me lemons I make really gross undrinkable lemonade… what do you make?

    (I freeze the lemons and fire them out of my father’s cannon at imaginary people I hate. ~ Jenny)

  27. Have you ever counted how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop?

    (I don’t like Tootsie Pops. I prefer sour apple blow-pops. And it takes 345 licks to get to the bubble gum center of one. ~ Jenny)

  28. If you could do anything else for one day, what would it be?

    (I’d like to be a dead person, just to see what they’re looking at. ~ Jenny)

  29. Do you like dancing in public? Follow up: Would you dance with The Doctor?

    (Hell no. Hell yes. ~ Jenny)

  30. Who do you want to be the next Doctor and why? (waiting for the announcement show on Sunday to see who has been chosen.)

    (I think it would be awesome to have Donna be the Doctor, even if just for a few episodes. I miss her. ~ Jenny)

  31. Who are you hoping for as the 12th Doctor?

    (Deja vu. Donna. Or Simon Pegg. Or Alan Rickman. ~ Jenny)

  32. Have you ever been given a gift from a fan that was so weird, you had to get rid of it?

    (I once got a painting of a wild boar that was painted by the artists lips and tongue. It’s hanging in my office right now. If it was transportable I kept it. I did have to leave behind a diseased cow’s brain because I couldn’t travel with that much liquid. It was a sad day. ~ Jenny)

  33. Have you ever fallen asleep with a half eaten candy bar in your hand?

    (Half-eaten candy bars exist? ~ Jenny)

  34. Who would win in a fight between Captain America and Xena: Warrior Princess?

    (Xena. But only if she has Gabrielle with her. ~ Jenny)

  35. I know that the bathroom is the place to find you during parties at conferences. What does your dream bathroom look like?

    (Small, clean, stocked with alcohol and someone who wants to watch cartoons on my phone when we get bored. ~ Jenny)

  36. How come Victor is in hardly any pictures? He looks kind of hot. Are you being selfish about sharing him with your fans?

    (He hates having his picture taken. I totally want to share more pictures but Victor raises the stink-eye. ~ Jenny)

  37. How many Taxidermied animals can you collect before you cross the line between “Collector” into “Hoarder”??

    (I don’t think that number exists. Victor would disagree. Vehemently. ~ Jenny)

  38. How many men have you slept with?
    How many is too much?
    How many too few?

    (I can count them all on one hand and still have fingers left. I think it’s different for everyone though. Sometimes one is too many and 1,000 are too few. Depends on the person. ~ Jenny)

  39. For what, are you thankful?

    (My family, my friends, the fact that I’m healthier than I have been in years and the fact that I have so much support in the world. I’m super lucky and luck has a lot to do with success. ~ Jenny)

  40. Favorite sexual position (for yourself, not watching)?

    (The Reverse Canadian Groundhog ~ Jenny)

  41. Tiffany or Debbie Gibson?

    (Debbie Gibson. Electric Youth. The girl knew how to wear a hat. ~ Jenny)

  42. I would love to write. My fear is that i poor my heart into something and no one will look at it! How did you get people to read your stuff?

    (I wrote tons of stuff that no one ever read and I kept writing. Some of my favorite writers get almost no comments but they are AMAZING. Just because people don’t read doesn’t mean you aren’t a great writer. Internet fame is fickle, fleeting and largely based on luck. Write for yourself and you’ll always be happy. ~ Jenny)

  43. Do crickets birth other crickets or do they lay cricket eggs?

    (Eggs. Tiny, tiny eggs. ~ Jenny)

  44. I came here to say the same thing, thank you for talking about your depression. And for being hysterically funny.

    (No, thank you. I wouldn’t keep doing it if other people like you weren’t so encouraging and supportive. ~ Jenny)

  45. Do you think, that since I read your blog, that we are friends? Even by the tiniest degree? Also, do you have any shopping tips? You are a power shopper, from what I’ve seen, and if I ever want to buy dead animals it would be good to have some advice. Lots of love… xx

    (Yes. I consider everyone who comments a friend. Same with twitter. I try to follow everyone who talks to me. I don’t always succeed. ~ Jenny)

  46. This isn’t a question. I just wanted to tell you thank you for what you do for people who are depressed. I am one of them and you have helped me. Also, thank you for posting that Allie Brosh is awesome on your favorite things list. She is and I hope she someday can come back to us.

    (Allie just finished a book and she sent me an advance copy. It is lovely and wonderful and you will love it. ~ Jenny)

  47. During your first book tour, my friend saw you in Portland and gifted you with taxidermied boxing frogs. Whatever happened to them?

    (They’re in the garage with some other taxidermy frogs, an alligator in a wedding dress and mongoose/cobra fighting. I try to rotate out my taxidermy but since we’ve moved everything is a bit out of place. ~ Jenny)

  48. What would you have today if you only had what you were thankful for yesterday?

    (Access to medical care and insurance. My daughter was sick. It was not fun. ~ Jenny)

  49. I’m giggling childishly because *Richard* *Seaman* called it a BJ Degree.

    Do you have a favorite craft (knitting, painting, scrapbooking)?

    (Drawing with watercolor pencils and building dollhouse furniture. ~ Jenny)

  50. What’s the story about the serial killer?

    (You have to read the book. Or find me when you have 10 minutes to spare. It’s a long story but it ends with a good scar. ~ Jenny)

  51. Cake or death? And also, are there any books that you desperately want your daughter to read, but she’s not interested ? (I’m trying to get my 12 year old to read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, and he’s all “meh”)

    (“Death. No, wait…I meant cake!” And yes! I kept all of my Ruth Chew books and Beverly Cleary’s and she’s so not into them. She reads constantly but she has her own taste. ~ Jenny)

  52. At what point did you realize you were going to marry Victor?

    (When he sang a Sting song to me in the car after we’d known each other a month. “I would love you more than life, if you would only be my wife.” Incredibly cheesy, but true. ~ Jenny)

  53. What would you tell someone who told you they got a wild hair up their ass and decided to change everything they thought made them happy because it didn’t anymore and suddenly different things do?

    (I’d say they were very brave and very smart. Do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. ~ Jenny)

  54. If you could have just ONE last taxidermied (my spell check says that’s not a word…WTF?) something-or-other (I shan’t limit it to the animal kingdom), what/who would it be?

    (James Garfield. We have history. ~ Jenny)

  55. Favorite movie?
    Favorite book?
    Favorite charity?

    (Anchorman, From The Dust Returned. Project Night Night. ~ Jenny)

  56. What kind of music do you listen to? Favorite bands, bands or songs you are ashamed to admit you love, etc.

    (I love Amanda Palmer, Tori Amos, Miranda Lambert, Pistol Annies, Nina Simone, Ella Fitzgerald, Pearl Jam. I own far too many Glee CDs and right now Hailey and I are listening to the Teen Beach Movie soundtrack. I know all the songs on it. ~ Jenny)

  57. Quite some time ago, a single tweet of yours caught my eye when I was in a particularly depressed mood, and it really made all the difference. You simply said ‘You’ll get through this’, but it really resonated and it’s been in the back of my mind ever since.

    I thanked you at the time, but I later decided that I want it to be my first (and possibly only) tattoo. Because I am world champion at procrastination, I’ve put it off because I couldn’t decide how I wanted it to look. There are TOO MANY FONTS. Then, a very straightforward and logical answer hit me.

    I was wondering, in hopefully the least creepy-sounding way possible, if you would consider writing it out in your own hand? Your single tweet made a huge difference to me when I really needed to hear or read something positive, and I can’t think of a better way to show it than this. Also I bought your book, but it’s on my e-reader, and I’m in the UK, so the chances of you signing it are slim!

    Anyway, I’ve rambled, but I was pondering asking you this, and suddenly you ask for questions! Perfect timing 🙂

    Gary

    (I’d be honored. But I have shitty handwriting so feel free to back-out. Should I send it to your email? ~ Jenny)

  58. What’s your favorite m&m color?

    (I only like m&m’s if they have peanuts in them. Even then I only like the peanut. ~ Jenny)

  59. Who would you love to be your serious best friend of anyone in all of timey wimey? Also, if I could meet you in real life I’d try to convince you to be my serious best friend. That’s why I ask. Not a stalker just a super fan.

    (Victor. If he wasn’t my best friend he’d never put up with me. ~ Jenny)

  60. Oh gosh, normal route or quirky? SO MANY DECISIONS!

    If the sky was green, grass was purple and water was red…. what would be your favorite “comfort” book to read when you need a book-hug?

    (From the Dust Returned ~ Ray Bradbury ~ Jenny)

  61. Do you eat gluten-free? What do you think about organic liquor? Do you listen to music while you write?

    (Nope. Liqour is liqour. Never. I do listen to pink noise though. It helps me concentrate. ~ Jenny)

  62. Have you read Locke & Key by Joe Hill? Cause you should…very awesome.

    (Adding it to my list. ~ Jenny)

  63. I have a love of taxidermy and would like to expand my collection. Okay, I’d like to start my collection. All I have right now is a bat skull and a fox’s bottom jaw. I have six cats, but they’re healthy, so I have to look OUTSIDE the house. If you were Canadian and didn’t have a vast wealth of money, where would you look for taxidermied critters.

    (Etsy. Lots of inexpensive small critters that died of natural causes. ~ Jenny)

  64. How did you find the courage to open up about your depression and other health/mental health issues? Did you realize what a huge difference you’d make to those of us facing similar problems? Thank you for letting us all know that we are not alone!

    (Thanks! I honestly didn’t feel like I had a choice. It’s such a big part of my life I started to feel like a liar for not sharing. ~ Jenny)

  65. I know you moved recently and I have been wondering about this ever since…..a) how does Beyonce like the new digs and b) is he strategically placed for Victor’s enjoyment outside of his office window? (if yes please post a pic)

    (Right now he’s on the back porch so I can see him from the kitchen. He occasionally migrates around the house. ~ Jenny)

  66. I got my one and only detention in high school for writing erotica (It was Catholic school) and showing it to a few friends during my senior year.
    Coolest or Stupidest detention ever? Or both?
    I say coolest, my parents say stupidest.

    (Coolest. Anaïs Nin would be proud of you. ~ Jenny)

  67. How do you deal with the people who think your work is rubbish?

    (There’s nothing they can say that I haven’t already said myself. If you make something so blah that no one ever hates it then no one will ever love it either. I let my friends read my really bad reviews and then tell me if there’s legitimacy to it that I need to read. Sometimes criticism is really helpful even though it hurts, but I try not to let in so much that it paralyzes me and makes me second-guess myself. I listen to “Die, Vampire, Die” and that helps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DDdM66_nSI ~Jenny)

  68. What the hell do you use for your skin care needs? Your face is flawless. Texas weather and poor choices makes my skin hate my face. True story.

    (Aw, thanks. I’m half-Czech and all the Czech women in my family age well. Bad hair, lots of mental illness, weird genes…but good skin. I don’t usually use any products on my face. I just wash it with water usually. ~ Jenny)

  69. How do you motivate yourself to write?

    (Reading. I read other authors that have a similar tone and it’ll inspire me to tell a story. It’s like when someone tells you about their high school and suddenly you have a story to share with them about yours that you’d forgotten. Also, sometimes I’ll have a week-long drought where I’m convinced I’ll never write again, and then suddenly I’ll have a breakthrough and write for 10 hours straight. It’s sort of feast or famine with me. ~ Jenny)

  70. How do you fight the depression spiral when you feel the happy start to leave again?

    (Happy TV. The Mitchell & Web Show. Pramface. Doctor Who. I can sometimes head off a depression with tv but almost always I end up having to just up my drugs. It’s chemical for me so I have to make a chemical change to fix the issue. ~ Jenny)

  71. If you found a magic lamp what would your 3 wishes be?

    (I’d wish that the next two wishes go to smarter people who can make better wishes. ~ Jenny)

  72. I would love to write. My fear is that i pour my heart into something and no one will look at it! How did you get people to read your stuff?

    (I think I already answered this? So confused. Booze is wearing off. ~ Jenny)

  73. Did you father do any of the taxidermied animals in your house?

    (No. He’s a traditionalist. Plus, he mainly does stuff that people kill. Mine are mainly flea market finds. ~ Jenny)

  74. Allow me to anthropomorphize your taxidermied animals… Which of them would win if there was one item left in a sale and they all wanted it? / Which do you think would get along the best if they had to work together on a desert island?

    (Juanita Weasel, because she’s fast and grabby. / The alligator pirate would be best on a deserted island because he could fish for food. ~ jenny)

  75. At what point did you realize with your own blog, that holy crap lots of people read this and actually enjoy it?

    (I think when the Beyonce post went viral and kept shutting down my blog. I was not prepared for that. ~ Jenny)

  76. You have the opportunity to choose two superpowers, one for you and one for your daughter. (Not really. I don’t have that sort of power, but if I did, how awesome would that be?) What would you pick for yourself and what would you pick for your daughter?

    You can totally pick the ability to bestow superpowers. That was a kick-ass idea.

    (For me, invisibility. For her, super-wisdom. It’s too late for me, so it’d be nice if one of us had wisdom. ~ Jenny)

  77. Were you as grossed out by the mom from partridge family talking about her husband equipment as I was?

    (Totally. THERE IS A LINE AND YOU CROSSED IT. ~ Jenny)

  78. Do you need an alligator dressed as a flamenco dancer? And if I send you mine, would you review my book? I promise it doesn’t suck!

    (I have one. Weird. But you can use this blurb. “I’ve been assure this book does not suck. ~ Jenny Lawson”)

  79. What’s your favorite city in the world & why?

    (Whatever city my daughter is in. ~ Jenny)

  80. Did you ever suspect that you would become the poster child, if you will, for celebrating the uniqueness that all people have? I have been so inspired by your sheer act of bravery in just being your lovable, hysterical and quirky self, that it has truly helped me accept myself rather than always change to other people’s ideas of who I should be. Thanks!

    (No, but I’m incredibly lucky to get to do it. ~ Jenny)

  81. Another thank you. The last couple of years have been really hard and I have been struggling with depression off and on. Since I have no insurance, your writing, honesty, and encouragement have been one of the things that has helped me to (mostly) keep my sanity and not hurt myself. Thank you for telling me that depression lies.

    (Sending such love. Depression does lie but it’s so hard to get through it without therapy and drugs. Have you tried calling the suicide hotline in your area. Lots of time they have access to mental health providers who offer free or reduced costs. They also give good advice on avoiding self-harm. I’ve used them a few times. There are also sometimes people on here who can help, including doctors. You aren’t alone. ~ Jenny)

  82. I want to ask a question…but I can’t think of anything witty, but FYI – you have an open invitation to come to dinner if you’re in Denver, CO. I promise I won’t seat you in the launch zone (Kid has a serious arm)

    (Thanks! ~ Jenny)

  83. How does it feel to know that you’ve saved lives? I mean it- I sent some links of your stuff to my daycare angel’s daughter when she was BAD OFF and she swears it helped.

    Also what in the WORLD do you do with a toddler in this heat? Srsly yo. I am from New England and now I am in Virginia and I do not want to take my spawn out in that oven and I ARE BORED NOW YO.

    (1. I feel incredibly lucky, but most of the time people are saved not by what I wrote, but by seeing the amazing response of hundreds or thousands of people saying “Me too.” If you’ve ever left an encouraging comment here you’ve helped save lives.

    2. Sprinkler. A sprinkler in the shade is the best thing ever. ~ Jenny)

  84. I’m reading your book tonight and I’ve never laughed out loud so much ever! When can we expect a second book? I’m on page 329 so hurry up please.

    (Next year. Read slowly. ~ Jenny)

  85. You are a gateway drug to Neil Gaiman- never heard of him until I found your blog. Which author should be my next addiction?

    And if you’re feeling froggy, what is your favorite room in your dollhouse and why. ( pics always good)

    (Ray Bradbury. Or Hunter S. Thompson. Or Terry Moore. ~ Jenny)

  86. No question… I just wanted to say you rock. I always get ridiculously giddy when I see you’ve posted something new.

    (Thanks! ~ Jenny)

  87. How much do you tell your daughter about your depression/anxiety?

    (As much as an eight-year-old can handle. She knows that I’m sick sometimes and that when I am she can still come cuddle with me and watch TV with me. I’m not sure that she realizes that it’s mental though because I used to be bedridden sometimes with RA before they found a drug that worked for me, so she’s sort of used to me being fragile. I do, however, do everything I can to make her life normal. I may accomplish nothing else that day but I’ll always be there for the things that she needs and to tuck her in and to talk to her. Sometimes all of my energy goes into her and that’s okay. She’s my biggest investment in life and she knows it. I plan to explain it more as she gets older since it is often genetic. I want her to see that I can still have a full life even though sometimes that life looks different than other people’s. ~ Jenny)

  88. Here’s my question: As someone with anxiety disorder (which I also have), how do you manage fame and success? I’d want to hide, but you seem to manage it with such grace.

    (I say “no” a lot. I do about 1/10th of the publicity that they’d like me to do and I’m lucky to have a publisher who understands and supports my decisions. When I do book tours I never do more than 5 days at a time and I never do anything other than speak. I hide in the hotel room and read all of my extra time and I do lots of facetime with my family. I also use a beta-blocker before I go on stage and I do cognitive behavioral therapy before each tour. It’s not easy, but it’s always worth it. And knowing that everyone in the audience is just as fucked up as I am is incredibly helpful. ~ Jenny)

  89. Also if I had known you existed when I was all DEPRESSED NOW it would have shortened things a LOT. For realz.

    (Thanks! ~ Jenny)

  90. How long did it take you from your idea to write a book to the actual book being published?

    Also, what is the grossest thing your kid ever put on your person? (I have 2 boys. This kind of stuff fascinates me, in a really really gross way) (my answer is boogers on my forehead. Just the other day. I have said too much.) (Then again, it wasn’t directly placed on me, but the vomit in my mouth from another vomiting mouth might take the cake.) Ugh. Don’t answer that question. I’m totally grossed out by my kids right now.

    (12 years.

    When Hailey was a baby she projectile vomited and hit the cat with it. It was kind of impressive. It’s also her favorite story to tell people. ~ Jenny)

  91. What should I have for dinner tonight – potato salad and wine or pizza and wine?

    (I’m only answering this 2 hours late. You’ve probably starved to death by now. Personally, I’d go with potato salad pizza. No joke. Sounds delicious. ~ Jenny)

  92. What is the ONE thing that you’ve learned about the blogging world/job that you wish you had known before you started?

    (Every mistake I made lead to where I am now so I think I’d go in just as blindly as I did. ~ Jenny)

  93. If you could go back in time, what would you tell your teenage self? (In other words, I’m asking you what advice would you give a teenager. I’m a teacher. The best part is that I get to tell my students a lot of things that I wished I had heard and knew when I was their age. The best one so far: It gets better. It being everything that creates so much angst when we are in our teens.)

    (It’s all going to work out in the end so stop worrying yourself sick. Also, don’t do that Ogilvy home perm. Don’t give yourself bangs. Don’t give up. ~ Jenny)

  94. Will you be my new BFF? My current one has been seriously slacking at making sure that I don’t do and say ridiculous things.

    (Totally, but I encourage ridiculous things. ~ Jenny)

  95. Do you ever miss being in HR? (Asked by a current HR minion)

    (I miss the people and I miss knowing all of the secrets of the organization, but I don’t miss having to do pivot-tables and data analysis all day. ~ Jenny)

  96. What’s the most creative way you’ve worked thru anxiety..

    (Finding places to hide in case I needed to. I once hid under a table for 20 minutes before finally emerging to do a full speech. Also, I often speak barefoot. It makes me feel like I’m home and it’s comforting. And escaping into a book is always a great escape. If I’m very anxious I read reference books or history books. ~ Jenny)

  97. I once sent thank you notes to all the people in my life who have had a part in saving me or making me better. Do you tell the people who have done that for you how important they are to you, or do they know?

    (I try to. I didn’t get the chance to with my grandmother and so now I try harder, but I know people never understand how important they are. ~ Jenny)

  98. What’s the air speed velocity of an unladened swallow?

    (African, or European? ~ Jenny)

  99. what do you do when nobody watches?
    what do you think is the key to success and happiness?
    are more than one question allowed?
    does this count as 3 questions?

    (Sing. Forcing yourself to appreciate the moment. Yes. No, that counts as four questions. ~ Jenny)

  100. No question about it, your awesome. You’ve made me laugh, cry, and feel less alone in this world. I freeze up under pressure lol even when not in front of someone apparently. I can’t think of anything awesome to ask.

    (You rock. Never doubt that. ~ Jenny)

  101. I am currently in a cast because I shattered my leg falling down two steps. I now have a ten inch scar, and a plate and screws. Instead of saying I fell down two steps, what cool, awesome, story should I tell people?

    (Victor has a 12 inch scar down his arm from falling on a boat and he tells people he was attacked by a shark. This worked well until a woman told him her husband was killed by a shark. I like to think this woman was just fucking with Victor but she kept a straight face. You should tell people your leg bone tried to escape just to see if they believe you.~ Jenny)

  102. How’s your RA these days?

    (A million times better. I haven’t been in a wheelchair in over a year. I take Simponi shots once a month and they’ve changed my life. I’m not paid to say that. But I wish I was. ~ Jenny)

  103. If you knew of someone that needed a logo made for them for free,… right now or a week or three from now, would you send them my e-mail address?

    (Totally. ~ Jenny)

  104. What is your favorite ‘perk’ of your internet fame? ie, have you been able to meet someone or do something really neat that you would never have been able to do without this blog/book?

    (I got invited to go backstage at an Amanda Palmer concert to meet her, but I didn’t use it because I was too scared. I got to meet Neil Gaiman when I was still blogging for the Houston Chronicle and that was awesome. I got to make an amazing book trailer that a ton of my favorite celebrities participated in just because they’re awesome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp6jr98GbHo ~ Jenny)

  105. Could you start a trend to wear capes as jackets? Please? (More of a request. I’m tired of being the only one. THEY’RE SO USEFUL AND COMFY.)

    (I totally wore a cape to my first Blogher. It was before I was the bloggess though, I think, and it never caught on. ~ Jenny)

  106. A character in a movie I was watching the other day quoted someone … probably a famous someone with a relevant degree or experience … but I didn’t catch the name (oops!) as saying that “Depression is the inability to construct a future.” Do you agree or disagree? Do you think this means visualize a future or actually plan for a future?

    (I think it’s brilliant, but inaccurate for me. I can see the future…it just looks bleak and unemotional when I’m in the hole. I find it hard to remember feeling normal though or to trust that I’ll feel normal again. ~ Jenny)

  107. What is your absolute favorite thing in the world to do?

    Also, I love you. Thank you for being you. When I’m having an absolute horrible day, I read my favorite chapters of your book or my favorite blog entries of yours and laugh. <3 It always makes a horrible day just a little better.

    (Make my daughter laugh. She has this super-contagious laugh and so it makes me laugh and we all win. ~ Jenny)

  108. Which season of Dr. Who should I start with?

    Which Neil Gaiman book should i read first?

    (The reboot with Eccleston. Neverwhere. ~ Jenny)

  109. Wow! Any question? Hmmmmm…

    When will your next book come out???? I was so sad when I finished the last one…didn’t want it to end. It was kind of a bonding experience with my husband during a difficult time. It was nice to laugh out lout together about how it could be so much worse if we had a zombie apocalypse coming toward our house. 🙂

    (Thanks! Early next year, I think. ~ Jenny)

  110. Have you ever regretted anything that you’ve put “out there”? About your life, family, health, anything?

    (No, but I sometimes wish that I wouldn’t have used Hailey’s name. If I could do it all over again I might use her middle name just to give her a little more anonymity. ~ Jenny)

  111. Does you daughter share your sense of humor and love for the abnormal?

    (Totally. She loves zombies, taxidermy, Doctor Who, etc. Last year we skipped Blogher and instead the two of us went to a Blythe Doll convention. ~ Jenny)

  112. I am trying to build my own house. Out of rocks. Do you have any advice on that? (I know you do a lot of home improvement, so you know, is there a type of flooring or door knobs or something you guys installed and then ended up hating?)

    (My parents built their living room out of rocks. Make sure the foundation is set up right or they’ll totally crack in a few years. We had to change all the doorknobs in our house because Ferris Mewler has thumbs and he could open them. I wish we would have saved up for crystal doorknobs but they were too expensive and we couldn’t wait. ~ Jenny)

  113. I finished my dinner… Can I have a cookie?

    Also, more importantly, how are you lately? Lots of hospital talk and such… I hope you’re feeling well, emotionally, at least. All us in the comments, we care and are here for you.

    (Yes. And I’m feeling much better, thanks. I think my gallbladder was making me sick for a long time and I just didn’t know that’s what it was. ~ Jenny)

  114. What would you do in the following situation:
    1) Your apartment is so messy you could technically be called a hoarder.
    2) Your AC has broken. It is not crazy hot ., but it is about 75 degrees inside.
    Do you clean all night with the windows open before you call maintenance? Do you suck it up and call now?

    PS This is for a friend 😉

    (Tell maintenance that someone broke your AC and trashed your apartment. ~ Jenny)

  115. If you could be any dessert in the world, which one would you be and why?

    (I’d be a creme brûlée. It looks vaguely professional on the outside but then you crack it open and it’s mushy pudding. But then you realize that pudding is okay. In the end it isn’t quite what you wanted but it serves a purpose and you mostly don’t regret ordering it. ~ Jenny)

  116. What are your three best ways for pulling yourself out of the hole when depression tricks you with his lies?

    (For me it’s different every time, but usually it’s drugs (I add an anti-psychotic when things get very serious), therapy and sunlight. If it’s winter I’ll go lay in a tanning bed for 5 minutes. It’s weirdly helpful. Also, I don’t give myself a time limit on my depression. It makes it worse so I give myself permission to be sad. Somehow that helps. ~ Jenny)

  117. Is it possible for your heart to actually break?

    My 15 year old cat Tripoli has an aggressive cancer in his abdomen, and I’m afraid tomorrow may be the worst day in my life thus far. He’s my best friend, and I don’t know what I will do without him.

    (Crap. I’m so sorry. I’ve lost pets that were little people in fur suits and the hole they leave is so large. I’m sending you love and know that one day you’ll love again when you’re ready. I wish I could just fix it for you but know that you will survive the ugly crying and you’ll come out on the other side more compassionate than before. I just wish you didn’t have to go through that. ~ Jenny

    PS. Don’t go alone. Go with someone who understands. And if it is his time to go, ask the vet to give him morphine first. It’s so much easier for both of you.)

  118. This isn’t a question. I was watching Pawn Stars the other night and they had a taxidermy deer butt that was made into a weird scary head, it was called butt head. I thought it would be a nice addition to your collection. That’s all.

    (My dad makes those. He tries to convince people visiting his taxidermy shop that it’s a sasquatch. It totally isn’t but it’s awesome watching people get an inch away from a deer’s buttonhole to stare at it in wonder. ~ Jenny)

  119. Sort of a follow-up to the “Do you miss the 8-5” question. Regarding social interactions.

    It’s clear you still manage to get into the kind of trouble or hijinks that provide for entertaining blog fodder, but do you think being a full-time WFH author has with slightly less regular social interactions has reduced the amount of humorous fodder to write about? Or do you think the opposite, having more time allows for more escapades to write about?

    (I’m super lucky that Victor is funny and entertaining and he works at home too so I still have lots of dialogues to write about, but I have to really force myself to go out and spend time with friends both for my sanity and also because they make me think in different ways and it keeps me from stagnating. ~ Jenny)

  120. Is the hour up?!
    Crap, I alway miss all the fun stuff!

    (Probably, but I’m still drinking and answering. The space-time continuum is wonky on the internet. ~ Jenny)

  121. if you weren’t a writer, what would you be?

    (A drug addict, probably. That’s not me being flippant. It’s just that writing saved me. For every post I write there are dozens I don’t post and for ever book that comes out there are 20 written in long-hand that no-one will ever see. Writing is my best therapy. ~ Jenny)

  122. You’re in the TARDIS. Where are you going and why?

    (Am I with David Tennant? If so, then I don’t care. We can just stay in the TARDIS. ~ Jenny)

  123. I’m late, the hour is over and I assume your meds have kicked in. Thanks again for doing what you do so very well and for all of the people you help (& you do help many of us) with sharing the story of your life.

    (Aw, shucks. Seriously though, thank you. I quite literally could not have done it without you. ~ Jenny)

  124. What should I name the big metal chicken that my mom gave my husband for our anniversary (because she and I both loved the Beyonce post, and he didn’t understand it … so we recreated it on our front steps. I tweeted it to you, but I don’t know if you ever saw it)? My friend suggested Robert Downey, III, which is the current front runner, but I’m not totally set on it.

    (I’m liking RD3. It’s like R2D2 but Robert Downey. Full of awesome. ~ Jenny)

  125. Have you seen HEB’ s assortment of Beyonce’ s cousins? They have chihuahuas, wiener dogs, grasshoppers, and of coarse 2 legged chickens.

    (I have and it always freaks me out. But in a good way. ~ Jenny

  126. If you could take over the Presidents body for one hour, what would you do?

    (Masturbate, probably. I’ve always heard that men constantly think about sex so I assume I’d have no choice. Then I’d give Wendy Davis some dragons. Can I give people dragons? ~ Jenny)

  127. if you could be any other ethnicity, which would you be? and my friend wants me to remind you that once you go black, you never go back. 🙂

    (I’d be black. And I’d be fabulous. Like Eartha Kitt, with any luck. ~ Jenny)

  128. What question are you most hoping will be asked tonight, and what’s the answer to it?

    (DANG, SON. That is a bad-ass question and I have no answer to it. Now I feel like I’ve failed you. ~ Jenny)

  129. I am thinking about making a tour of bathrooms in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Would you care to join me? I’d love to take you to the Varsity Theater’s bathroom, which is a coed bathroom with a lounge and is decorated to look like you’re in the rainforest. I think you’d like it. 🙂

    (I’m going to be in St. Paul soon but only for a day. If it was longer I’d totally join you. ~ Jenny)

  130. Can you talk about why you turned down the offers? I envision a show based on your life to be more like a one hour drama/comedy, like Northern Exposure. I don’t think 30 minutes could do you justice.

    (The contracts always stipulated that I couldn’t write about it. I don’t do anything I can’t write about so I said “no”, which I don’t think anyone expected. It was refreshing though, to find out that I had ethics. I never expected it from me. I’ve turned down a ton of reality shows too. I would never do that to my family. I get them into enough shit with the blog. ~ Jenny)

  131. And as a second question: What is the best bathroom you’ve ever hidden in?

    (My own. I was too freaked out to go see my friend’s band – Dr. Pants – perform and so they came to my bathroom and did a live broadcast. I watched it all from my toilet and it was awesome. ~ Jenny)

  132. Did you get a really kitschtastic pair of rainbow unicorn bookends and if so, did they survive the trip across the country?

    (YES! They’re in my daughter’s room right now and she’s named them Tony and Steve. They are awesome! ~ Jenny)

  133. Will you attend the imaginary slumber party I’m hosting for my favorite authors? You can have imaginary wine slushies and bring imaginary taxidermy if you like!

    (I’ll come if you invite Kate Beaton. I’ve always wanted to imaginary meet her. ~ Jenny)

  134. Hi Jenny!

    I’ve always wondered about bloggers, when they had their a-ha moment and realised it was taking off? Did it take long? And did you already have a strong group of other bloggers you spoke with when you hit that stride or was it purely fan based?

    (This sounds weird but I still don’t feel like I’ve “made it”. My husband still makes more than I do and I have a job that revolves around cat videos. And I sort of like the fact that we’re still sort of underground. No one asks me for quotes and I never get asked on the Today Show. Underground is good. ~ Jenny)

  135. Did I just get moderated?

    (Maybe. If it’s your first time to comment or if you include a link you’re automatically moderated. It’s just a part of being in the matrix. ~ Jenny)

  136. If you could be any animal in the world, what would you be and why?

    OR

    If you were stuck on an island and could only have one celebrity for a companion, who would it be?

    (I’d be a slow loris because they’re adorable BECAUSE they’re lazy. ~ jenny)

  137. What songs/albums can you listen to over and over and never get tired of?

    (Pistol Annie’s Hell on Heels.)

  138. Can you convince my husband that 15 years = big metal chickens? He is nearly a year late. And can we be BFF’s?

    (Probably not, and yes, totally. ~Jenny)

  139. Second question – Can we be friends because we share the same name? I think that grants automatic friendship. Also you’re awesome. That sounded less weird in my head…

    (Absolutely. I think it means we’re related. ~ Jenny)

  140. You have been very candid with mental health issues, and you have proven to be a beacon to those struggling with anxieties. Have you any advice for the people who are seeing someone struggle? (Totally selfish question. I love someone who struggles, and I often feel powerless to help him.)

    (Just be there for them and let them know how important they are to you. It’s so easy to forget that. And thank you for being so supportive of him. It’s so easy to forget how hard it is for people on the outside who struggle to support those who seem not to see it. ~ Jenny)

  141. Any advice for someone who desperately wants to quit her day job and create art as a living?
    Side note… You rock, keep being you! I’ve recommended your book to two people so far and they both LOVED it. Laughed their @sses off just like I did. Thank you oh so very much!

    (Save up until you have enough to be unemployed for a year and then give yourself a year to try it. That’s what I did with blogging. It took a long time to save up, but it was worth it. ~ Jenny)

  142. If you were to tattoo the title of one book* on your body, what would it be, and where would you put it?

    (* other than your own)

    (Make Good Art ~ Jenny)

  143. What two songs define your mood right now/today?

    (Is there a song about finding out you have an ear infection the day after you spent all day in urgent care with your kid who has an ear infection? ~ Jenny)

  144. The workings of your mind are very interesting to all of us. We love you ’cause you’re kinda strange like us. In that vein, my question is . . .

    What was your scariest dream, ever, up until now?

    With your dad being as different as he was and with all the taxidermy in your life (the laughing deer from Evil Dead scares all the turds out of me), I thought this would be interesting to hear the answer to.

    (I dreamt there was a giant plush bear that had a crematorium in his belly and the teachers were scooping live kids off the playground and cremating them. I had that dream when I was 9 and it still scares the shit out of me. I have no idea what it means. ~ Jenny)

  145. Good evening! My son and daughter-in-law lives in San Antonio, my question is would you recommend moving to Texas? I really want to get out of what I consider the armpit of the US, Ohio.

    (Totally. Texas is awesome. Except for the politics. ~ Jenny)

  146. If you reach into your parent’s fridge or freezer and out comes a dead animal (cause I know it has happened) do you shrug it off, removing a bird talon from the ice cream container, or do you lose your appetite? AS my dad didn’t understand why I didn’t want ice cream….I mean all I had to do was reach around the rattlesnake, remove a feather from the ice cream carton’s exterior, and enjoy.

    (Shrug it off. Popsicles are almost always worth pawing through dead animals. ~ Jenny)

  147. PS – I’m going to add myself to the crowd of wanting to be BFF’s. Or at least meet you and hang out with you at a conference or something once before with both die.

    (Done. Welcome to the club. ~ Jenny)

  148. also, not a question, but i was telling my friend that you had a stalker last year and had to move and she asked me, “was it you?”

    i told her that’s a fair question, but no, surprisingly not.

    (Ha! ~ Jenny)

  149. Since I grew up in Angelo and feel we are somehow related because of that, I have to ask, what is your favorite San Angelo landmark and will you put me on your Christmas card list?

    (We probably are related. San Angelo has changed a lot since I lived there but I can’t even drive through without stopping at Rosa’s. I don’t do Christmas cards. I don’t understand the concept. Plus, I’m really lazy. ~ Jenny)

  150. Will you make a recording or video of you reading the section of your book that explains what a panic attack is like? That’s a terrible interview question but it would make explaining anxiety much much easier for the rest of us.

    For a real interview question, if you’ll allow it after my not interview question: If you could be any fruit, based on its leadership capabilities, which fruit would you choose and why?

    (There already is one. I read the whole book for an audio CD. You can get it on Amazon or at the library. I guess I’d choose to be a kiwi because it looks like a testicle. I don’t know what that has to do with leadership but I like kiwi’s. ~ Jenny)

  151. I’m sorry I missed out tonight. Your writings are very uplifting and always produce a chuckle (more like coffee spewing guffaws too close to my computer). The only question I could think of (which a billion souls have already asked you) is what inspired you to become a writer?

    (Thanks! I didn’t really have a choice. When I was kid I read and wrote more than I did anything else. I’ve always loved writing and I can’t remember a time when I didn’t. ~ Jenny)

  152. ….Or attempt to do, if you knew…… you knew no matter what, that you could not fail?

    (I already answered that and caused a wormhole. I’m not to be trusted with this question. ~ Jenny)

  153. Seemed like you could have had a promising career in cow insemination. Any regrets giving up on that so soon? 😀

    (Not even once. The cows are deeply grateful. ~ Jenny)

  154. Also, not a question, but thank you for talking about real issues. I have arthritis (Ps A) and anxiety disorder and while I don’t wish that on anyone..

    It’s nice to know you can still succeed at life and do things despite everything. You’re an inspiration.

    (Aw, thanks! ~ Jenny)

  155. What are you drinking? I’m drinking wine.

    (Right now? Water. It’s 2pm and I just took antibiotics. I’m officially an old person. ~ Jenny)

  156. I just want to say, I love you, you inspire me. Thank you for writing!

    (Thank you! ~Jenny)

  157. The zombie apocalypse has begun and you can only take three things with you. What do you grab?

    (My family. A samurai sword. Daryl from Walking Dead.)

  158. What are three life events that made you the person you are today?

    (I don’t think events made me who I am. I think people did. ~ Jenny)

  159. Will you pretty please come to Waco for a book signing-thingy? And if you already have, can you come again?

    (I did a week in Texas but I’ll be keynoting the Texas Women’s Conference this year and I’ll be happy to sign your book there if I see you.:) ~Jenny)

  160. How do you think your emotional honesty will affect your daughter as she grows up?

    (I hope it’ll give her the support she needs to be herself without fear of stigma. She shows no signs of mental illness {I did at her age} so with luck she’ll just be able to use it to understand and be more compassionate to people with issues rather than have to battle them herself. I think she’s more patient than the average kid because she understands that her parents aren’t perfect or unbreakable. Anyone who meets her is always blown away by how happy and glowy she is. I’m probably biased, but she’s pretty awesome. I’m very lucky. ~ Jenny)

  161. How many taxidermied animals do you have and is there
    any that you would not own?

    (Over 30. I try to stay away from Blue Whales. ~ Jenny)

  162. 1) Have you read Terry Pratchett? Neil Gaiman’s a good gateway drug to him.
    2) May I have your permission to teach your book, or at least bits of it, to my high school English classes please?

    (1. I LOVE Good Omens. 2. I’d be honored. ~ Jenny)

  163. I love your style, but I know a few bizarre and witty people and often wonder how one gets a writing gig and one does not… Did you pitch to agents or did the publishers hunt you down? I’m not a blogger, I’m allergic to it frankly (was a snobby website creator before blogs existed) but I worry that I’m hampering my chances of being published by not being in the blogosphere of wonder.

    (There isn’t one particular way. For me, I started writing my book 14 years ago but I never meant to publish it. I just wanted to write down family stories. I volunteered to write for free for the Houston Chronicle to help find my voice. I got in trouble – although they were sweet about it – for pushing the envelope and so I decided to start “The Bloggess” for the few people who were reading. It grew over many years. I never submitted anything to a publisher or agent because I assumed it would be rejected. My agent found me after I mortified myself publicly in front of her and she convinced me to let her see my unfinished book. She convinced me it wasn’t awful and then I saved up enough to write full-time for a year. Almost exactly one year later my book sold at auction. It was a combination of lots of luck and happenstance and I realize that there are tons of more talented writers who don’t have to opportunities that I do. I try to appreciate them as much as I can and pass on the help and spotlight to other people who I think deserve more attention than me. ~ Jenny)

  164. The zombie apocalypse just hit! Who’s on your survival team? (You can pick anyone)

    (Daryl Dixon. Simon Pegg. Bruce Campbell. Tina Fey. Chris Hadfield. My mom. Adam Savage. They’re all bad-ass. ~ Jenny)

  165. What color should I paint my toenails? I’ll tweet you a picture later.

    (TARDIS blue. ~ Jenny)

  166. I worry about my ability to be a mom since I’m on anti-depressants. How do you cope with that fear?

    (Some of the worst moms are the depressed ones who aren’t on anti-depressants. Never be ashamed of being medicated. It’s no different than having to take meds for arthritis or diabetes. Or did you mean that you’re afraid to be on meds when you’re pregnant? Talk to your doctor. There are other options. ~ Jenny)

  167. Given your proclivity for taxidermied animals, if you could stuff any human being and mount him on you wall, who would you choose and why?

    (Stuffed people look awful. You have to make wax molds of their faces and then you’re really just seeing the wax mold instead of the person. It’s weird that I know that, isn’t it? ~ Jenny)

  168. What are your 5 favorite books?
    P.S. I think it’s really great of you to be willing to answer so many questions 🙂

    (It changes based on my mood but I love everything by Ray Bradbury, Hunter S. Thompson, Neil Gaiman, and Dorothy Parker. ~ Jenny)

  169. Have you had any awkward moments due to blogging your real life? What about being so open about mental illness?
    I get told “suck it up” “it’s not that bad” or worse “your feelings are invalid because you are crazy”

    (Awkward moments? Totally. Sometimes it’s easy to misinterpret written word and there have been some uncomfortable misunderstandings before. I think they’re all cleared up now though. Most people understand -or at least are compassionate about- my mental illness but I do sometimes get people who say “JUST CHEER UP” in a frustrated tone. I get that it’s frustrating though to see someone you love upset about something that seems imaginary. I try to be as patient with them as I want them to be patient with me. It’s hard on both sides. ~ Jenny)

  170. If your meds haven’t warn off— did you enjoy the Ghirardelli Chocolates I gave you in Danville CA this April. It’s ok if you didn’t eat them.
    This was just an opportunity to thank you for being so gracious to greet those of us at that reading who couldn’t get in because they were at capacity.
    I wish I really had a question for you but I’m on the spot and all….
    Thanks for sharing and giving us all so much to laugh about!

    (Were they the ones mixed with sea salts? If so, I devoured them. Thanks! ~ Jenny)

  171. I had my wisdom teeth removed yesterday and have been reading your book while recovering. I have been pretty doped up on pain meds. I’ve laughed a lot and my cheeks are killing me. I have also been watching zombie movies.

    Why do you not have a pet zombie?

    (I have tons of zombies but all of them are dead. Sad. ~ Jenny)

  172. If I was to pseudo-stalk you, what would be a good place to “run” into you for an autograph? Hypothetically speaking. Asking for a friend. It’s not my stuffed purple cow friend. Honest.

    (Book stores. I don’t leave my house much but when I do I tend to go to antique stores and book stores. And I love giving autographs. ~ Jenny)

  173. If you were The Dr’s companion, would you choose forward or backward in time?

    I don’t expect you to get this far in comments, btw. So have a great weekend!!

    (Backward. All of my favorite episodes occurred in the past. I’d want to find out what happened to Amelia Earhart or DB Cooper, or pick up Hunter S. Thompson and go hang out with Jesus. Something like that. ~ Jenny)

  174. I saw u in KC…. Your book is sooo funny…You write exactly how my brain works… Have u seen the street about the kid
    And the marine in the 5K? Am I the only one
    Wondering why the kids group he was with did not wait for him?
    Hey kid… I gotta win this thing… See ya!!

    (Saw it and tweeted the Marine to tell him how bad-ass he was. WHERE DID THE CHAPERONE GO? So confusing. ~ Jenny)

  175. When life is handing you lemons and instead of making that dam lemonade what movie/book/ tv show do watch/read to escape?

    (Doctor Who. Always Doctor Who. I also love paranormal reality shows like Ghosthunters and Destination Truth. Plus, all of the Storage Wars shows. I’m a sucker for anything reality that seems to have redeeming qualities but it really just trashy, guilty pleasure. ~ Jenny)

  176. I’m someone who thrives off of consistency. I’ve had my past three years planned out day by day and I am comfortable with that (wake up; make sandwich; eat sandwich; repeat if hunger persists). And then things changed, and in the past two months I’ve moved, transferred jobs, then quit my job, transferred college, got a new job, changed roommates, and lost a few friends. Getting up every day has become something of an ordeal for me; some days I’m totally fine and dandy and yes-I-did-get-my-hair-cut-thank-you-for-noticing.

    Other days it’s a miracle that I manage to turn off my fourteen alarms and sit upright.

    I know that change is a good thing but I wish that I had just one consistency, at least one consistency, be it a person or a thing or a brand of peanut butter that for some reason the store near my new apartment TOTALLY DOES NOT SELL. These changes in my life make it hard for me to do me (that sounds dirty), and even though I know that change is good and we should all be put out of our comfort zones once in a while, I left my comfort zone about fifty miles north of where I live now.

    What do you do when you just can’t… do anymore?

    (I’m having similar issues with our latest move. I have breaking routine and it makes me on edge and more likely to be unstable. I try to escape into comfort books as often as I can. Even when my life is chaotic I know things will always be the same in a familiar book. I also give myself a room where everything stays the same and where I can escape and no one can mess with me. Sometimes it’s a closet and sometimes it’s a guestroom or a bathroom, but having that one place that I’m totally in control of helps. ~ Jenny)

  177. I don’t have a question. Well none that do not sound entirely insane. So I just wanted to tell you that I believe that you are entirely fabulous. And that I’ve learned never to try to describe to a stranger the story about when you had to bury your pug. Because it just makes it worse that I was giggling hysterically.

    (Thanks! ~ Jenny)

  178. First, can I just say I love you?

    I love how you support those who are struggling with mental illness. My brother died from suicide about 3 and a half years ago and I can attest that everyone is important, no matter what depression tells you.

    But on a lighter note, What is your favorite cat breed? I have a black Maine Coon that I rescued that I love!

    (I’m so sorry about your brother. Depression takes so many of the good ones.

    I love orange male tabby cats. For some reason they always seem the most lovey. ~ Jenny)

  179. Do you have a holy grail of taxidermied critter? I saw an episode of Oddities where this man really wanted a sloth. Also, do you like sloths? And why is the sky blue? 😉

    (I want a super happy bobcat that gives out high-fives when you’re having a bad day but you at least showered. I love sloths and had one delivered to the house like a pizza once. The sky is blue because molecules in the air scatter blue light from the sun more than they scatter red light. I actually knew that one. I feel very smart right now. ~ Jenny)

  180. No question, I just want to send you love. And tell you you make my day brighter. I will be forever gratefull to you for that.

    (Thank you so much! ~ Jenny)

  181. Oh also someone in my town was giving away
    a free beyonce… I missed it:(. Who gets rid of a Beyonce??!

    (It was probably one of those fake things cops do to round up all the people with warrants. No one gets rid of a Beyonce. ~ Jenny)

  182. Ohh another question. How are you doing post gall bladder surgery? Are you feeling as close to your normal as possible or do you still have some recovery ahead of you?

    (Today I found out my eardrum is rupturing so I feel sort of shitty, but aside from that I actually feel better than I did before I had the gallbladder removed. Its was gangrenous so the doctor said I was probably sick from it for a long time and didn’t know it. I actually feel better physically and mentally. It’s weird how such a tiny thing can affect you. ~ Jenny)

  183. “Dick Seaman gave me a B.J. degree.”

    That is the funniest thing I’ve heard all night, and I’ve been watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory, even.

    (Um, I don’t have a question. Unless you have an opinion about Billy Piper returning for the Doctor Who Anniversary Episode, in which case let’s go with that.)

    (Is she? I’ve been avoiding all Doctor Who talk because I’m afraid of spoilers. I think I might be the only person who doesn’t ADORE Billie Piper. I like her, but she’s no Donna Noble. ~ Jenny)

  184. Will you please come to Wichita Kansas and do a book signing? You have a lot of fans here….you really do….mostly cause we are all crazy to want to live in Kansas lol!

    (I did a Kansas City signing but it was in Missouri, with was confusing for everyone involved. ~ Jenny)

  185. If you could time travel, where would you go and who would your companion be?

    (So I’m the Doctor? Hmm. Can I pick up the alternative universe David Tennant and have him be my companion? We’d go find a way to fix Donna and then we’d all go get drunk together. It would be brilliant. ~ Jenny)

  186. You said no holds barred, but which kind of
    hold is your favorite? Um. Asking for a friend.

    (Bear hug. The spin-you-off-the-ground kind. ~ Jenny)

  187. If I were to travel near you could we do dinner and talk about big things? Like religion, depression, raising kids, etc?

    (I’d like to say yes, but honestly I end up bailing on tons of plans because of my anxiety disorder. It sucks and I’ve missed meeting tons of my favorite people. It’s not you. It’s me. ~ Jenny)

  188. Could the statement “Dick Seaman gave me a B.J. degree.” be any awesomer? You COULD answer, but you don’t need to. Totally obvious.

  189. Trying not to seem like a stalker:). But the post
    About u not answering your phone when victor calls
    Had my friend and I crying… So freaking funny:)
    Sorry about the overuse of smiley faces:)

  190. i make my cats happy by cradling them like a football, thumping them like you would to see if a watermelon is right, and asking them “how sweet are you? are you ripe yet?” and yet i am still single. how is this possible?

    (I don’t think that is possible. I’m pretty sure you could find a spouse in the comment section just by that admission alone. ~ Jenny)

  191. Will your book/blog/life become a tv show at any point?

    (I’ve turned down lots of offers but never say never. If it happens though it won’t be something I’d be super involved in. I don’t want to live in Hollywood. Texas is home. ~ Jenny)

  192. The kitten-diving-into-a-bag-of-catnip video you posted earlier today was the most adorable thing I’ve seen in a long time. If you add up all the time spent staring at it by everyone on the Internet, how many person-hours do you think that would be?

    (Too many. I’m ruining America. ~ Jenny)

  193. Do you still have the coat you met Victor in and can we see a picture of it?

    (I still have it but it’s in a box that hasn’t been unpacked. I have a picture of it somewhere. I’ll post it if I can find it. It’s brown and unremarkable. ~ Jenny)

  194. What is your favorite Duran Duran song?

    (Hungry Like the Wolf. I like it ironically and non-ironically. ~ Jenny)

  195. As someone who has bouts of depression, I notice the effect that has on my behavior and the people around me.

    Adult mostly understand – and the ones who don’t … well whatever.
    But what I feel bad about is my two boys aged 6 and 9.

    When I can’t change things, I try to look at the up side of it. So I tell myself that having periods of feeling depressed is not that bad. Because people who always feel the same don’t appreciate that. It is normal.
    When I’m in ‘an up’ I try to live life to the fullest and get everything out of it.
    It’s not that I’m a supermom when I’m ‘up’, but I sure as hell am a fun mom. We play games, we fool around a lot, we do crazy things and I don’t care what anyone says or how funny they look.

    On the other hand, when I’m in ‘a down’ I am still my boys mom, but then again – not exactly the same mom.
    I tend to get real crancky, I sometimes yell at them and I need ‘a moment for mommy’ when they ask me to play with them.

    I want them to know the problem is me, not them. Or to be more specific – the problem is my neurochemical system that gets all confused at times.
    I try and explain them this, but I wonder if they understand and if at times they wonder if I overreact because of something they said or did.

    So my question is (I understand it is a very personal one and will respect and understand if you choose not to answer): How do you talk to Hailey about your bouts of depression? What do you say to her, what do you think are good things to say, what are things you wish you hadn’t mentioned.

    (I’m lucky that although I deal with a lot of mental crap I still have a lot of patience, so I usually don’t snap at her…but if I do I make sure to apologize and tell her that I was letting other things get to me and that I’m going to try harder. It’s helpful because she learns that I’m not perfect and so it’s easy for her to come talk to me when she struggles with her emotions too. My depression sucks the life out of me so I sometimes feel bad that I don’t play with her as much, but I still try to read with her, watch shows with her, and play games – like UNO- that take very little physical or mental strength but still give me time to bond with her. We also download puzzle-based games on her iPad and play them together. Finding ways to spend time with her without her noticing that I can’t leave the bed has been my way of dealing with it. I also let her know that everyone has great qualities and everyone has great weaknesses and I try to make her see that in herself as well as in others. I’m very open with her about the fact that I’m proud of how patient and nice I am, but that I wish I was more brave and less sick. She’s proud of how smart she is and how great she is at acting, but she wishes she could handle her temper better. We both work on our issues together and then tell each other when we get better or when we backslide. I don’t think a parent needs to be perfect…they just need to be able to teach their kid how to be a good person and being a good person doesn’t come naturally. It’s a constant sturggle and if you’re aware of your weaknesses you’re already ahead of the game. ~ Jenny)

  196. Do you ever hang out with any of your fans? I mean, voluntarily? Have any of them become friends of yours? Can I be one of them? (technically, that’s 4 questions. What can I say, I’m a bit of an overachiever when I’m not being lazy).

    (I totally do, and yes you totally can. I seldom hang out with people in real life though, except for my three friends {Karen, Maile and Laura} who I met before my blog got popular. They’re the most non-judgey people I’ve ever met. I have lots on online friends though that I adore but will probably never meet because my personality won’t let me. ~ Jenny)

  197. At what point should I stop seeking treatment for the mystery pain that two doctors have not yet been able to correctly diagnose… and just give in & agree with the first condescending doctor who implied that it’s all in my head?

    (NEVER. I got that from several doctors before they figured out it was RA and then it was years later before I found a doctor who agreed to try out the drug I wanted. It was a miracle drug. Same with my gallbladder. Doctor’s didn’t want to remove it because it wasn’t bothering me on a regular basis but when I found a doctor who would he found it was necrotic and decaying. Be your own healthcare advocate. You know your body more than the doctors do. ~ Jenny)

  198. If you had to get a tattoo what would you get?

    (I’m getting one. It’s a secret. I’ll tell you next year. ~ Jenny)

  199. Are you ok? I keep refreshing and there is no Jenny. Maybe you’re taking a bathroom break :-{

    (I started answering backward and then when I refreshed I found a ton of other questions that I’d missed. I’m still here. ~ Jenny)

  200. OMG, tiny socks make me really sad, too! I’m so sorry that they made you feel bad about your calves, which I’m sure are shapely and lovely. (Hey, that sounded super-creepy.)

    Please know that they were purchased with great respect and admiration. That night was so much fun!

    (No, actually, I loved the socks! I have to find the picture I took. I thought it was quite amusing. ~ Jenny)

  201. But a real question… If someone were to want to publish a book, what would the first step be?

    (Write a book. ~ Jenny)

  202. Damn. Sorry I missed this! Will you do it again? Plus I wanted to thank you and your book for getting me through a tough time in my life. ((HUMPING))

    (I’m still doing it. But backward. ~ Jenny)

  203. I just wanted to say first that I love your blog and your wit. I’m always in tears of laughter when I click away. Thank you.

    Ok, question ~ what is your dream vehicle? (any mode of transportation)

    (I’m not a car person but I love golf-carts. I want to have one one day and I’m going to put James Garfield on the front and put my pegasus on casters and roll it behind me. Then I will be kicked out of the neighborhood. It will be a glorious day. ~ Jenny)

  204. I’m glad people are asking you about writing, I’ve always wondered what your advice would be. Was it a thought-out decision to be so honest and upfront about your struggles with depression? Or did you just say ‘screw it’ one day and let it out there?

    (I didn’t feel like I had a choice. When I was in a depression I’d post drafts I’d had saved up but I felt like I was creating a false history. I eventually just decided that I’d own it and that people would either be scared or not care. I never expected that so many people would say “Me too.” It made such a difference in my own continued recovery to be able to be honest about it when I was in a bad place. ~ Jenny)

  205. Do you like Tings? If so are you able not eat the whole bag at once? If so can you share your method for achieving superhuman self-control?

    (I have no idea what Tings are. I just googled them and I’ve never seen them before. I can eat just one pringle though. It’s one of my super-powers. The other is that I can pee super fast. ~ Jenny)

  206. How expensive will it be to get my dog taxidermied when she dies? I want to keep her forever. (shes about 70 pounds)

    (Crazy expensive. The best way to do it is through free-drying and it’s super expensive. My dad won’t do pets because he said it’s impossible to capture their personality, even when sleeping. He wouldn’t even mount my cat for me. Ew. That sounds inappropriate. ~ Jenny)

  207. RE: comment #36. Hell yeah, Victor is hot. Don’t blame you at all for selfishly keeping him to yourself. I realize this isn’t a question and will only serve to swell up Victor’s big pretty head but I had to say my piece.

    (Ha! He’ll be very pleased to read that. After 17 years we don’t really think in terms of “hotness” but he’s incredibly funny and that’s the saving grace of our marriage. ~ Jenny)

  208. Will you ever right a book titled “Conversations with Victor”? My favorite posts are the banter between you too!

    (There’s a chapter in book 2 called “Conversations with Victor”. He’s terribly wrong in all of them. ~ Jenny)

  209. Tony and Steve. I like it. If she ever decides she wants them to not be so cheerful, she should turn one into a zombie. 🙂

  210. Serious question: What is something you wish people who haven’t struggled with depression or anxiety understood?

    Less serious question: Since Daryl Dixon is fictional, do you think Robert Kirkman, the man who created him, or Norman Reedus, the man who brought him to life, would be more useful in the event of a real zombie apocalypse?

    (I wish they understood how much we need them. How much they help when they’re supportive – even though I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it to them – and how much it hurts to be doubted or mocked.

    (Norman Reedus. I don’t even care if it’s the zombie apocalypse. I just want him holding babies and crossbows like a badass. ~ Jenny)

  211. Your choice:
    Do we (the digital voices and shoppers of uncut cocaine) amaze you or scare you?

    OR

    What is your favorite movie with a ghost in it (Truly, Madly Deeply / Blithe Spirits / Woman in White etc.)?

    1. Both. Never change.
    2. The Canterville Ghost. The one with Alyssa Milano in it. I watched it so much as a kid that I broke the tape.

  212. ok. I guess you just skipped a boat load of questions. Off putting ones no doubt. You are brave to go under the gun like this, Jenny. Turn about is not fair play. Very nerve wracking for a journalist who is used to asking the questions to be asked the questions. Are you counting dow the seconds until the hour is over? The end is near.

  213. I also puffy heart the Menger, i honeymooned 13 years and 51 weeks ago.

    What’s your favorite wine? Because I always pick by the label…because wine.

    (Strawberry Hill? I suck. I’m more of a liquor girl. ~ Jenny)

  214. Can you just say, “hey, I love your blog. Bullcasm fucking rocks.”….. so I can use it as a quote. *snort*

    (“Hey, I love your blog. Bullcasm fucking rocks.” ~ Jenny)

  215. ok. I guess you just skipped a boat load of questions. Off putting ones no doubt. You are brave to go under the gun like this, Jenny. Turn about is not fair play. Very nerve wracking for a journalist who is used to asking the questions to be asked the questions. Are you counting down the seconds until the hour is over? The end is near.

    (Nah. I’m working backward though so it probably looks like I’ve just given up. ~Jenny)

  216. That pig trough you swam in as a child…was that owned by the Schwartzes? Also, holey moley, I swam in a pig trough in the same town as a child….I think we may have been childhood friends!

    (IT WAS TOTALLY OWNED BY THE SCHWARTZES. That is freaky. ~ Jenny)

  217. First I want to tell you how much I enjoyed reading your book, especially anything in it involving your Dad who reminds me a bit of my own father. For instance, my father, who walks to and from work, found a deer carcass, dragged it home and after poorly boiling it down buried the bones for all of his grandchildren to did up for my nephews dinosaur themed birthday while my brother ran around screaming for hand sanitizer.

    Second, do you ever find yourself ever having in depth conversations with yourself?

    (First, I love your dad. Second, all the time. I ask myself questions when I’m driving and then I answer and sometimes I express surprise at my answers. I think it’s a good way to get to know yourself. Victor says it’s a good way to prove that you’re insane. ~ Jenny)

  218. Is there anything you won’t write about?

    (I won’t write anything I think will hurt someone’s feelings. I won’t write anything about my daughter that I think mean 14 year old girls could use against her. I won’t write about anything that isn’t my story to tell. I have tons of stories I want to share but I can’t because a family member or friend still feels uncomfortable about it and I’d never push that. It wasn’t until very recently that my dad told me that he’d seen how I’d helped people with mental illness and that he was finally okay to come out about his own. It was kind of awesome. ~ Jenny)

  219. No question, just wanted to say that your Traveling Red Dress inspired me to be more daring with my makeup; at home only, but hey, daring is is daring even if no one sees it.

    I am working up the courage to wear red lipstick out of the house and out of the car, so far I don’t think I have made it out of the car, but baby steps.

    (Love it! And someone sent me a red dress for the red dress project today. Kismet. ~ Jenny)

  220. Inquiring minds want to know. If you had a choice of one of these as a vehicular modality, which one would you choose? And why?
    A) A unicorn
    B) A T-Rex
    C) Screw those two previous options and get the best of both worlds: a Trexicorn.

    Also, have you thought of using those teeny wigs you got as Merkins for Hunter S.? You could do a whole rainbow colored spread!

    (TREXICORN. I didn’t even know it existed a minute ago and now I don’t know how I can live without it. I did try to put merkins on the cats but they were unenthusiastic and I felt like I’d done something vaguely illegal. ~ Jenny)

  221. Since you chose to do it off of Reddit I’ll ask you a traditional Reddit AMA question

    Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck?

    (100 duck-sized horses. I’d tame them and make them my pets. I’d be the crazy horse lady and I’d teach them to poop in toilets. Victor would not be pleased, but he would when he saw the tiny equestrian shows I’d put on with kittens in leotards riding tiny horses. ~Jenny)

  222. What’s new with Beyonce? (the chicken, not the pop star)

    (He’s still in the backyard and I’ll move him a foot closer to Victor’s office every day until finally Victor is like “ARE YOU MOVING THAT CHICKEN?” and I’ll say “No, of course not” and then the next day I’ll drag Beyonce into his office. Victor is currently considering renting an office out of the house. ~Jenny)

  223. First off, you are bloody hilarious. I was introduced to your book by my ex-husband and have been a fan since (you can often hear me snickering at my desk at work while I’m reading your blog, despite the fact that I should be working).

    Anywho, I am a budding writer who just so happens to have a mouth like a drunk pirate. I hate to say it, but I tend to censor myself because my love of the F-bomb can be deemed a tad bit ridiculous. I love the fact that you write openly and use whatever sort of language you like, but have you ever had to filter yourself? Do you have any examples? 😉

    (I wrote a sex column for years but I never wrote about my sex life in any way. There are some things that are private. Also, sometimes I’ll hold back a bit for fear that I’ll move from irreverent to offensive. I have 3 friends that I call when I write something a bit edgier than normal and they tell me if they think I should write it or not. They usually say “Write it” but when they say “No” I always listen. Sometimes your best critics can be your best friends. ~ Jenny)

  224. I am not a student, however, I DO have a VERY VERY VERY important question that much be answered. Hubs and I have argued many years over this and if you answer it, I will force him to adhere to your answer.

    In nearly every case, the original is better than the cover. But I contend that the Cowboy Junkies version of Sweet Jane is superior to Lou Reed’s version.

    Yes or no?

    Hint. The answer is yes.

    (Yes. ~ Jenny)

  225. Delightful human: what wine do you use in a wine slushie? (Also, I really worry about being a good parent?!)

    (Trick question. A wine slushie should ideally be half amaretto and half chambord. If things are tight financially though I stick with strawberry hill. The original was zima mixed with cherry 7-up. I think I was the only person who suffered when zima went away. ~ Jenny)

  226. Do you ever get creeped out by how much we love you? (Not including that stalker person that is).

    (No, but I don’t understand it. I suspect if you knew me better you would love me less. I’m quite dull in person. ~ Jenny)

  227. Is it just me or do you also feel like we were separated at birth and if you had to pick different parents dead or alive who would they be?
    (Not that you would have dead zombie parents but they would magically be alive while they were your parents…like that.)

    (Different parents…hmmm. Amy Poehler and Rebel Wilson. I think they’d make a great couple. ~ Jenny)

  228. Am I too late?

    Q: was it hard to give yourself injections while pregnant?

    (It was hard during the last month because I didn’t have any extra skin on my stomach and also I kept getting big bruises because it was easier to hit a vein. When I’d go in for sonograms the technician would always flinch. It was really ugly and made me want to kick women who got those beautiful, naked belly photos. Mine looked like a bad tattoo of rain clouds. ~ Jenny)

  229. By the way, if you wrote a book on writing, I would buy it so hard the credit card machine wouldn’t print straight for a week.

    (There isn’t anything I could add that Stephen King and Ray Bradbury haven’t already said better. But thanks! ~ Jenny)

  230. will you write another book? Your book was hilarious and love how you wrote about yourself – especially about depression, and how you make it funny and comical. I was also in journalism, so I like writing, and interviewing people and hearing their stories.But right now, I write for free…guess it’s the “free” in freelance! Anyway your stories are awesome. Thank you!

    (Thanks! Working on my second book now. May be out in 2014 if I can get my shit together. ~ Jenny)

  231. Hopefully this is not a duplicate question…
    Who is your favorite Doctor?
    And favorite Little House episode?

    (David Tennant. For the Love of Blanche. (The one where Mr. Edwards adopts an orangutan.) I made friends with the woman who wrote “The Wilder Life” and we bonded over that episode. ~ Jenny)

  232. Have you ever been to Nova Scotia, Canada? If not, you’re welcome to stay at my place if you decide to visit in the future.
    P.S. The Cabot Trail in Cape Breton is amazing.

    (I’ve been to Canada a total of about 12 hours but it was 12 very pretty hours. ~ Jenny)

  233. Have you ever considered stopping your blog? (‘Cause we probably wouldn’t let you)

    (Never. I’ll still blog even when blogging is dead. I still write in my diary. I still pen poems on napkins. I’ll always write. I do, however, often want to quit for awhile when I’m depressed but Victor always convinces me to wait a week and usually by then I’m better. ~ Jenny)

  234. Have you ever read Voodoo Dreams by Jewell Parker Rhodes? It’s one of my faves and I think it might resonate with you.

    (Putting it on my list. ~ Jenny)

  235. Do you think that your anxiety was helped or hindered by your taxidermy animal collection? Having all those animals staring at me would make me freak out!

    (Helped. They’re like friends who can’t judge you. ~ Jenny)

  236. Serious question, but you seem like a good person to ask. How do I find a therapist? I think it might be a good idea to see one. Also, how do I help my husband find a therapist? I know he could benefit, and I want to be ready when he decides he is. Thanks so much for your blog and your book and for being amazing. You ROCK, Jenny.

    (Depends on the problem, but there are find-a-doctor services you can use. Personally I’ve used mental health hotlines to find doctors who specialize in my stuff and I’m not afraid to leave a doctor who isn’t my style. Finding a therapist is like finding a hair-dresser. All of them can cut hair but you want to find one that has the same vision you do. Also, asking your friends for reviews is a great way to find a good doctor. It’s amazing how many people have seen therapists at some time. ~ Jenny)

  237. What is the greatest thing that gives you faith in humanity?

    (My daughter. I have become a cliche. ~ Jenny)

  238. Some of the photos you’ve shown of Victor when he was younger remind me *a lot* of a guy I went to college with. Does Victor have family in Georgia?

    (Victor has family everywhere. He can literally trace his ancestry back to the Mayflower. It’s sort of insane. ~ Jenny)

  239. Would you come to Mardi Gras and carouse with the KDW? We’d love to have you with us.

    (I totally want to until I’m actually in New Orleans at night and then I panic and freak out. I don’t deal well with crowd and noise. Maybe if I could hide in the float. ~ Jenny)

  240. How would you rank these beverages in order from yummy to swill?

    Gin, Vodka, Brandy, Rum, and Scotch

    (Rum is delish. Vodka is a good mixer. Everything else tastes like Whiskey to me. ~ Jenny)

  241. How are you ever going to answer all these questions? (I’m commiserating. You don’t actually have to answer this.)

    (I’m probably not. I’m surprised I’ve gotten this far. I’m starting to fade. ~ Jenny)

  242. Every time I see a big flock of birds flying, I wonder: “how are they not bumping into each other?”
    So… why do YOU think birds don’t fly into each other when they fly in a big group?

    (I suspect they have long whiskers that come out when they fly and they use them as feelers to make sure they have room in between each other. ~ Jenny)

  243. Do you like “The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy”? It is a surreal cartoon that is (allegedly) for kids. It is insane. It stars Mandy and Billy, who after winning a game to save Billy’s ten-year-old pet hamster, gain the Grim Reaper as their best friend and slave forever. Then it get weird. It also references everything and is more enjoyable as an adult.

    I always wanted to grow up to be Mandy. She is awesome.

    (I used to watch it all the time with Hailey. I don’t see it on anymore though. ~ Jenny)

  244. I am reading your book right now. Brilliant I love it. This may have been asked already are u going to write another one. I’m a big fan.

    (Thanks! 2014 probably. ~ Jenny)

  245. Is it over yet? (If not, that’s not my question.)

    I was going to ask something serious about being in the public eye, but instead, I’ll ask, why does it seem like you’re not as excited about Sherlock’s third series as the rest of us are? Is there a feud between Whovians and Benedictines?

    (I think it’s over for tonight. So tired.

    Good question. I love Sherlock but I have a problem with it because (SPOILERS) I have suicidal ideation and the last season was a trigger for me. I can’t watch anything about suicide without becoming a bit obsessed with it and so it’s not really responsible for me to watch it over and over like I watch Doctor Who. Also, I thought we were called Cumberbitches? ~ Jenny)

  246. Do you have an family that lives in North Carolina? Like a secret fraternal twin sister or something? Because there’s this women that goes on the same bus as me that looks just like you only freckle-y and really curly hair.

  247. Why is it that humanity sucks, but individual people are pretty cool? Also, are you done answering questions?

  248. I am a new fan of yours and just bought your book yesterday. My husband and I laughed for hours last night as we enjoyed your strange childhood… But I wonder what the strangest thing your father ever brought home and stuffed was?

  249. I suffer from depression and am currently in the “I cannot get out of bed mode.” My house, my pets, and my social life (if I had one) are suffering. How do I force myself to live my life?

  250. I am a high school chemistry teacher and my students ALWAYS ask me if I know how to cook meth (thanks Breaking Bad). What is the most obnoxious question you get asked on a regular basis?

  251. You are my blog icon. My dream in life (most days) is to pull in readers to my work without having to write about a pair of spanx or offer to pay people in cheeseburgers for liking my pag W(whict feels like prostitution ). What did you do to get your name “out there” when you first started?

  252. Well, LadyGrainne83 already asked my question, so I’ll just wait patiently.

    And hit refresh. Alot. No pressure.

  253. Well this could be fun.

    I write a DIY blog, so I’ll do an “official” interview question.

    What home DIY will you never try again and why?

  254. Hope nobody’s aske this yet: if you could be any of the Doctor Who companions, who would you be?

  255. What should I tell my husband when he asks what is wrong with me when I am sitting at the computer with tears and snot running down my face from laughing so hard at your blog? (This is a common occurrence.)

  256. I think you are lovely & twisty & brilliant. Your book & your blog bring such excellent humor into my life. I also LOVE how you gave a dead line, yet the questions…they just keep a comin’
    Happy Saturday eve dear wonderful human. Thanks for being born 😉

  257. I’m a high school chemistry teacher and my students ALWAYS ask me if I can make meth. What is the most annoying question you get asked regularly?

  258. Jenny, I have no question. I just wanted to chime in that my wife and I both love your writings, and they have made us laugh harder than anything we’ve ever read (at least when we have not been under the influence of marijuana.) Thank you for being yourself!

    (And by the way – we’d totally be up for helping you travel to Europe. We love to travel!)

  259. I’m going to be in San Antonio over Labor Day weekend for the LonestarCon3 (World Science Fiction Convention). I hope that you can hide in a convention center bathroom for part of the con. (Or actually attend).
    I am on staff working for the newsletter which is a single sheet of updates and fun convention information and sometimes interviews. If you’ve seen larger convention newsletters, what things about the newsletter you like and/or didn’t like?

  260. I’m teaching Kindergarten in a week. I’ve started having nightmares about 18 5 year olds tying me to my desk chair and building a fire to roast me over out of the leveled readers in the room. I’m not sure I can bring myself to show up to the first day of school. How do you push past your fears/anxieties???

  261. Just now seeing this, so not sure if I missed the train or not. So, here I go anyway. This is more of a this-relates-to-me-more-than-just-a-general-interest-question type of question:

    Love your book. I felt like, “Dear God, there’s someone else out there like me!” I suffer from social anxiety and often feel panic attacks stirring when it comes to new things in life. Have you found any methods that you’ve found to be helpful in overcoming your social anxiety other than medication? I’ve totes got that part covered. If so, could you share?

  262. Question: Do you have any idea how awesome you are???
    “Depression is a lying bastard” has gotten me through so much- I can’t thank you enough- I’d never looked at it that way- and now that I do- I get through that lying @sshole every time. Your Snark is my second favoritest thing about you 😉

  263. If we were in the same city at the same time, would you let me buy you a (insert the kind of thing you drink here, because if I say “drink,” people assume alcohol. As if it MUST be alcoholic to be a drink. It might need to be alcoholic to be a GOOD drink, but sobriety can be fun, too!)? Totally in the public, so you don’t have to be all afraid of creepy internet stalkers. I’m far too lazy to stalk. And also, I’m too talkative to stalk quietly.

  264. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

    Also, you rock. I’m sure you hear that a lot around here, but I thought you should hear it again.

  265. I’m a latecomer to your awesomeness, but I’m totally thrilled that I found you! I read your book in a day last weekend and laughed so hard I cried (and also cried a little for real I think). Thanks so much for sharing! You are an inspiration for accepting the weirdos that we are and laughing about it. And if you read all the way down to this comment, you are even more awesome for loving your fans so much.

  266. I am supposed to be packing because we’re moving tomorrow but I’m reading these comments instead. When you say one of your I’m-sick reads is “From the Dust Returned” do you mean by Ray Bradbury? Because he was seriously the best writer ever. He saved my life with his writing, and I wish he knew that.

    Anyway, random. I’ll actually ask a question on hte off chance your’e still answering. What’s your favorite piece of taxidermy that you own and why? I am personally a huge fan of Juanita Weasel because the “WHYYYY?” position she’s in is totally how I feel half the time.

  267. I already asked a question and just wanted to say now thank you for all those times that I did not know if I would make it the rest of the week or in some cases day without loosing it. For the times I came to your blog in tears and left smiling again. Though you do not know me you have helped me several times. Thank you for being you.

    (That sounded cheesy didn’t it) I mean it though.

  268. Does knowing you’re an inspiration ever get overwhelming? Sometimes I want to write to my heroes and tell them how amazing they are but then I worry that they’ll feel pressured and I don’t want to cause that.

  269. No question – I just wanna say thanks for your blog and then your book. They got me through some pretty dark days (“surprise” divorce after almost 34 years of marriage). So, uh, thanks.

  270. Is the hour up yet? Loved your book. I laughed properly for the first time in 2 months. Are you going to write more?

  271. If a bartender or mixologist or whatever the hell they’re called these days, ever made a drink in your honor and named it The Bloggess…what would be in it?

  272. Do you think your mental illnesses have made you braver? I’m pretty sure I’m not pathological, but I have a real fear of embarrassing myself or looking uncool. It seems like despite your anxiety and depression issues, you’re actually pretty brave. Do you think you’re just used to feeling uncomfortable so in a way it’s not as big a deal for you? God I hope I’m making sense.

  273. WHY did I not think of requesting you for an AMA on REDDIT before now?? It is now done.

  274. So i’m slowly reading all these questions and answers and I just hit the one about Zima and all I have to say is: WAIT, WHAT?!? When the hell did they stop making zima? Sheesh, I quit drinking for 7 years and it all goes to hell in a handbasket.

  275. Which doctor would you run away with to be his companion; and why? Would you take Beyonce?

  276. I got to meet you at a signing here in San Diego, and it was a dream come true for me.

    I am all kinds of crazy, OCD, bipolar, and enough other medical problems that it’s just not fair. But I recently got a diagnosis for ongoing issues. And of course, it is super rare, chronic, and difficult to manage. I haven’t been able to stand for more than 10 minutes without feeling like passing out… since Wednesday. I can’t do ANYTHING.

    Any advice on ways to not be horribly depressed and bored? I literally have not left my bedroom since Wednesday. I can’t walk further than the bathroom and back. I just want to cry.

  277. My husband and I might be moving to Dallas from California for his job. Is there an area you’d recommend to live?

  278. Ooh, can I withdraw my earlier (and frankly somewhat boring) question from 7:53pm in order to second Kristi H’s from 7:45pm? I will be much happier knowing the answer to Kristi H’s question.

  279. Are you my mummy?
    What is the worst that you can do when you get caught between the moon and New York city?
    Favorite Sandman storyline/issue?

  280. I never had enough nerve to ask Mr. Seaman if his parent’s were cruel people or if they just didn’t have a clue. I still wonder. Didn’t know that about the J degree. But now I have more to add to my strangely named J prof story now. Thanks!

  281. Hmm I was wondering if you were still up answering questions.. Ok here’s mine:

    Will I ever run into you into you at Christmas at Old Fort Concho this year? We leave next summer 🙁 It’ll be my only chance..

  282. I just thought of a question…but you’ve already answered about a million, so no worries if you don’t get this far/alcohol wears off: If your daughter was your only child by choice, how did you know she’d be your only…or was that decided before ever having her? If it wasn’t by choice, then obviously never mind. Currently struggling with deciding if I am “one and done” or…not. I’m actually more terrified of going through the infancy phase again than I was when I didn’t know what I was in for…among other things.

  283. I missed the hour window but a long way. Go sidetracked. Just wanted to say I am really glad we “met” on Twitter (“through” @wilw). Today I started thinking about my 50th birthday. Considering going skydiving again (I did for my 40th). If you think you might wanna go with me, you can mark your calendar for 497 days from now’/ Well. really 486 now.

  284. I would totally get a tattoo of your handwriting saying “You’ll get through this” like z0mbee was talking about.
    You’ve helped me thru numerous bouts of depression, various anxiety adventures, and one wicked bladder infection. You’re my go to reminder that I am not alone, no matter how badly it feels that way.

    Thank you.

  285. Have you thought about relocating to Austin? Because we have Book People. And me. And while we wouldn’t be best friends, we would be awesome friends who would devoutly promise to meet up at Shady Grove for drinks and queso (because queso) and never actually do it. But it’s the thought that counts. Plus, we do have fixer-uppers here (and regular uppers if you’re into that sort of thing – my upper is caffeine. Sweet, sweet caffeine. Yay verily the gods of coffee) so you should totally move. So, yeah, thoughts about moving to Austin?

  286. I kind of missed out on this but thought I’d ask a question anyway just in case. I have to admit, I hate taxidermy. It creeps me out. Partly because they’re dead and I have serious issues with death (I’ve lost too many people and too many animals that were my best friends). Also because I fear I would start talking to them and never leave my house again. I have noticed though that love of the taxidermy is a big part of this community. So, my question is, can I still be in the tribe even if I dislike taxidermy? If that can be overlooked, I can assure you that I have plenty of other weird shit to make up for it.

    Also, like so many others here I just want to say I really admire the way you handle yourself…you interact with a lot of different people and you are always very gracious and caring. I really believe that when you put good energy out there it multiplies. Thank you.

  287. No, no, never mind that last one…Why can’t you set up your blog so that we can ‘like’ comments. They are so funny!

  288. I know it’s way past time, but I have got to ask. When you where asked what your favorite position was, and you replied “Reversed Canadian Groundhog” I am vaguely familiar with the ‘Reversed Groundhog’ but even though I am a Canadian, I still don’t know. What do you do with the Canoe and the Mountie hat? that part of the position just baffles me.

  289. Do you think it’s possible to ever finish answering all these questions? Do you regret inviting questions yet?
    (BTW, I still adore you!)

  290. When your out on book tour and someone gives you food they made (say a cake pop or cupcake) do you eat it or throw it away out of fear of what’s in it…

  291. Hi Jenny, I really really appreciate all you do. The laughter you bring, the sanity you save. I have a favour to ask: This past week there was a huge tragedy in Winnipeg, where I live. I will spare you the details as it is all over the internet here and you can look it up if you like. It involves post partum depression and the horrible effects it can have on new mothers. In response to this, a parenting group I am (so proudly) a part of put together a photo montage to help spread awareness of this unfortunate but very real and so widely ignored disorder. Would you share this video? If not on your blog, then just through social media? I know you are busy and have a tonne of hilarity to write about but this would mean so much to me and the thousands of women it could reach. Thanks in advance. I have to go put my darling daughter back to bed (for the 3rd time)

  292. Rhetorical question: are you high???
    I saw your reply above about having calves too fat for Tardis socks, and that’s nonsense.

    I’m not really one to notice or catalog other women’s body parts, but I’ve seen a couple pictures, and you have smokin’ hot legs. Seriously. I’ll bet Victor agrees. And construction workers.

  293. Since it’s waaay past the 1hr limit, I don’t really expect an answer, but I have to ask this. I also want to say THANK YOU, you have NO IDEA how amazing you’ve been, are, and I love that you exist, and I can’t even tell you how much I am grateful for you being who you are and sharing that with all of us. I love you so much in a hopefully not creepy way.

    Here’s my question: How do I send you gifts? You inspire me and your writing has helped me so many times. And you’re wonderful, and I want to show that by adding to the countless things other people have sent you. How do I do that? Everyone seems to know how to send you things, but I don’t know how? Can I send a gift to your P.O Box? Will that work?

    I also have a story I reaaally wanna tell you, but I think it’s too long for here. But long-story-short, basically, my husband brought home a rancid roadkill armadillo for me because THAT’S HOW MUCH ME LOVES ME.

  294. I know it’s way past the time limit, but:

    Can I draw a stick picture version of you and tweet it at you because I’m too disorganized ever to get to the post office to mail you a copy?

  295. I discovered your blog when I was at the nadir of my current incarnation. Much of what you’ve shared about depression saved me. I feel such a sense of gratitude. Thank you.

    My question (it’s unfortunately what’s front and center in my life right now): Have you ever had pinworms? Or had to deal with them in some capacity? SO GROSS.

  296. I’ve had your book since last year (it was a birthday gift) and I still have not finished it.
    I refuse to finish it until you have a new book… it’s too sad to end it. 🙁

    Also, why do/did you love Nathan Fillion? I kind of think he’s a dick for how he treated you.

  297. Also, I kinda wish someone could clone Victor. I think I need me a Victoresque guy that’s why I’m still single. Would you allow him to be cloned?

    I was bawling when he got James G for ya. That, right there, is a keeper.

  298. All those years you spent working on your book, writing on your blogs and all, did you ever wonder what you were doing and whether it would all eventually “work out”? What kept you going?

    How did you find your voice and style? Was your earlier writing always this way or did you experiment and work at Crafting your voice?

    Did you ever wonder “WHO on earth is going to be interested in what I’m writing??” How did you build up your audience? Was it an serendipitous ? (I found you by chance reading another blog of one of your fans about Beyonce. THe rest is history. I”m hooked. Line and sinker…=))

    How did you survive financially all these? Tips for writers trying to earn a paycheck before something big happens for them?

  299. I know this is very late but last year when you hugged the sloth was it as awesome as it looked?

  300. Will you ever be in San Diego for a book signing? I have a Nook, so I will happily have you sign that. You have to be the best thing that has happened to me besides my husband and children. And roller derby. Seriously.

  301. What do you do with the taxidermy that really is too stinky? Is there a way to get rid of the smell, or does it go in Victor’s office, etc.?

  302. It’s 2am here. I’m hurting and can’t sleep because I fell earlier and the ground is MUCH harder when you are 40, overweight and have arthritis.
    But I laughed till I was crying and biting the covers to keep quiet when I read that bit about you moving the chicken a foot towards Victor’s office every day.
    Love your site. Loved your book. Just makes me happy. 🙂

  303. What is most satisfying about writing: catharsis, helping others, or finding your tribe (or something completely different?

  304. Aw! I wish you’d do an AMA on Reddit! 🙂 We’re not all bad there. It depends on the sub-reddits that you follow where you find the non-crazy/rude people!

    *** My questions for you:

    What is your favorite coffee drink? (Espresso? Dunkachino? 😀 Iced pumpkin latte?)

    Peanutbutter & Jelly: Grape or Strawberry?

    Do you have any foreign bands/singers that you like? 🙂 Are you into Kpop?

  305. First time commenter here. This is going to seem completely random, but go with it. I promise it’s leading to something.

    I am unable to listen to Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” now without changing some lyrics. My lyrics are “All the single chickens/Put your wings up” and the “wuh-uh-oh”s become “bawk bawk bawk”s. You have to imagine (your) Beyoncé flapping his wing while he’s bawking, though. Or (non-metal chicken) Beyoncé dressed up like Big Bird… I’ve done both. I haven’t gone to the full extent of actually rewording the verses, but that part of the song will never be the same.

    Which leads to my question… Would you consider finishing the parody and then coaxing your awesomesauce-filled friends into performing said lyrics in a video? (I’m just asking if you would consider it. No pressure or anything. You’re more than welcome to take credit for it if you actually decide to do it. Or you can blame it on me. Whatever works for you. And if you never reply to this I totally won’t blame you. It’s a strange request, even by my sleep-deprived standards.)

    On a more serious note, 2012 was a particularly crappy year for me, but your blogs always made me laugh or at least feel like I could deal. And Beyoncé (your metal chicken, not the singer) has become my personal mood-lifting mascot. So thanks for that. 🙂

  306. I´m in Europe, just woke up and saw this, and I am late for everyghing but I really want to say this; I see a lot of people with mental health issues thanking you for making it easier for them, but what you probably don’t realize is that you have also helped those of us who don´t have any problem of that kind to understand that is an illness, that nobody feels miserable looking simply for compassion or looking for attention. That it is real. Thank you for helping us understand as well

  307. I wanted to say thank you. I’m young and impressionable. Shy and terrified of sharing my writing. I never thought I could write and have it public, like on a blog. But then I read yours. Your struggles and triumphs and humour through it all showed me that I could. Its slow going but writing my blog has given me something to look forward to in so many ways! Thank you for writing and sharing it, and being honest about it. You’re awesome.

  308. Why would so many people continue to ask you questions when you are asleep.

    You see that Boat peeps, we missed it!

    Love the fact you answered so many.

  309. Thank you so much for this! The questions were excellent, the answers even more so, and the whole thing has kept me entertained for – I’m almost embarassed to say — hours.

    Someday I hope you will answer this question (and I hope the answer is yes): will you be trying your hand at writing fiction (adult or children’s, either would be good)?

  310. This was so much fun to read through- thank you! I’m sad I missed out (I’m blaming my infant). I hope you’ll find time to do more posts like this in the future. 🙂

  311. Ever think of doing a “lecture” tour? You could be barefoot and talk only as long as you wanted-we’d listen at our own risk. Also, will my dog ever stop harassing my cat?