STITTING: You can’t do it and your cats can’t stop bragging about it.

Conversation with Victor:

me: I think I have a problem.

Victor: Technically you have lots of them.  Which one specifically are you speaking of?

me: Look at Hunter S. Thomcat.

Victor: Yeah.  He’s being a cat.  What a bastard.

me: No.  I mean, he looks as if he’s standing on the stairs at full attention, but if you look behind him you’ll notice he’s actually just sitting.  He’s pretending to stand, but really his ass is totally asleep.  Also, I suspect that he’s not even awake and is just too lazy to close his eyes.

Victor: …And this is a problem because?

me: I think I’m jealous.  I’m jealous of the cat.

Victor: Ah.  Yes.  That is a problem.


 And in other news, it’s Sunday, which means its time for the weekly wrap-up:

What you missed in my shop (Named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up brought to you by a fantastic zomnibus you should probably check out.  How would a typical husband handle a zombie outbreak? Answer: Not well. See how Chris, John and Erik cope with the living dead in Dumb White Husbands vs. Zombies by Benjamin Wallace, the first full length novel in the bestselling Dumb White Husband series.

121 thoughts on “STITTING: You can’t do it and your cats can’t stop bragging about it.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I would say that being jealous of the cats is a fairly common “problem”. I know no other creature that can take solace and comfort in a laundry basket. Plus, the fact that they can bathe anywhere is completely unfair! Why can’t I break out a loofah with some hand sanitizer (aka my version of human cat-tongue) and start scrubbing down in public? Because I am not a feline. That’s why. AND it is NOT fucking fair.

    Carry on.

  2. I just tried to do this on my couch. I fell on my face. I really gotta work on my upper arm strength.



  3. Gurglepurr does that with his ass on his cat pole and his front feet on the windowsill to watch birds. Strikes me as cheating.

  4. I think I was more entertained by the thought that Ragemichelle actually TRIED to sit like that on the steps than your jealousy of Hunter. 🙂

  5. Oh man, lazy ass cats. Mine do that too. I once slept through almost an entire lecture with my eyes open. It freaked people out. Somehow, though, I suspect that Iaying like that is not quite as comfy as it looks. Don’t be too jealous, he has to lick his bum with his tongue. Being a people can have its advantages

  6. Thank you. I just wanted to say, “Thank You.”

    I have deep depression issues. Like, I cried for 30 minutes today for no reason.

    I always remember your mantra that depression lies.

    It’s really bad right now; but I hope it gets better.

    So, thank you for this awesome blog. It is what I visit when I’m down.

    Much love!

  7. Fuck it, I’ll say it … I’m jealous of your cat! Like real jealous. My life would be infinitely better if I could look like I was at full attention, when in all actuality I was taking a nap or daydreaming about cookies. Shit would be good!

  8. What a classic pose ! I wonder if I can sit like that ????? May have to give it a try when I get home (If I can find a step somewhere as we live in a single storey house !
    Have the best day !

  9. My cat stits all the time and I will be the first to admit I don’t get it. It doesn’t look comfortable at all. She sits on the arm of the sofa, which is perfectly long enough to hold her, but her front legs are standing on the sofa cushion.

    But as with most things I don’t understand about my cat, muttering a brief “whatever,” and walking away usually is sufficient for me.

  10. You will be interested to know that I just watched the first episode of Doctor Who… And I can already feel my universe shifting.

    It’s a bad sign that I am already envisioning where on my desk I can fit a little Tardis, right?

    Oh, well.

  11. my dog does that all the time on the couch. apparently it’s the most comfortable way to creep on the neighbors and bark at anyone walking down the street.

  12. I too am jealous…

    I had to think about Sandra Cormier’s comment about playing the cello for a moment, now I can’t stop giggling.

  13. I want to be able to look alert while I’m relaxing too. I don’t want to be jealous of a cat either. What the heck. My brain is confused with jealousy and shame.

  14. Thank you so much for sharing that interview with the man’s miniatures and his photos. You are not the only one who thinks it’s amazing. I am now following his flickr account and can see myself losing hours looking at his photos. Have a great week!

  15. That’s the way our dog rides in the car, sitting his butt on the back seat but standing on the floor (with his head between the two front seats). Thanks for the new word to describe it, and a salute to Hunter S. Thomcat for helping you think of it.

  16. I think you are trying to show me that I am not going to be cast as Hunter S. Thomcat on the TV version of your book. Thanks for letting me down easy. I am too fat to do the stitting so I am obviously wrong for the part,

  17. It’s totally normal to be jealous of cats. For instance, my back hurts today, and I watch my cat move in a way that clearly gives every one of his vertebrae the maximum stretch, and it looks like it feels SO good.

  18. My 9-year-old niece introduced me to Ylvis earlier today when she made me watch the What Does a Fox Say video. They’re my new favorite thing. I’m a little curious about what the first best song you’ve heard about the subject is, though.

  19. Did I read that link on Fangirlish right? ABC has optioned the rights to develop “Let’s Pretend…” into a 1/2 hr show???? If so, OMG! Squeeeee!

  20. My bullmastiff used to do that on the couch, and I’d like to shake my fist in rage, but it seems untimely, what with her being dead for 6 years, and my being pretty worked up about that, at the time. Not that I’m happy she’s dead now, so much as I’ve grown accustomed to the fact. I loved that dog. She was the only one in the house with a bigger ass than me.

  21. My dogs do this to make themselves look intimidating… it’s fun to watch them try to get up if someone knocks on the door >:3

  22. Cats have to work hard to hold their heads up — at least my cats do! I think HST is doing the human equivalent of a plank on his knees 🙂

  23. As my wife likes to say whenever our cat is licking himself, “I bet you wish you could bend like that.” And I answer, “If I could bend like that, I would never leave the house.”

  24. My mother always says that in her next life she want to come back as one of her own cats. I haven’t been able to explain to her the logic issue therein…

  25. Cats have life pretty, damn good. They do whatever they want, whenever they want. We lowly humans must give to them food, shelter, love. Yeah, I want to be a pampered house cat. (Now all the feral cats, barn cats, etc, they don’t have it good at. all. I don’t want to be them.)

  26. I just subscribed to Laina on YouTube. I love mashing lyrics together like that.
    Those miniatures with the die cast cars are amazing.
    Sometimes I am jealous of my cats too. But then I remember that they have to poop in a box of sand. And that I like bubble baths.
    Thanks for the smiles. I’ve got a lot of stress and heartbreak at the moment and it isn’t going to end any time soon. So glad you are out there blogging and sharing.

  27. If that version is the second best music video about Stonehenge, what is your favorite? One of the comments after the video mentioned Pit Bull, but I don’t recall another song about Stonehenge. My Irish Setter used to stit on the sofa all of the time, now I have a name to describe it.

  28. You should get a dog. Rescue a dog. With Hailey. and call it Lassie. That would be awesome. Please tell me you are old enough to have at least heard of Lassie.

  29. No, I think the forced perspective is cool also. A little freaky if you think about it tho, what if everything I look at is set up as a forced perspective?

  30. My cats have done that over the years. I’m so glad to have a name to go with the action. Cats get to hold all kinds of positions that we humans don’t. Like House Overseer.

  31. Hunter needs to hang with my female cat. She gets her body in catyoga positions that just make me drop my jaw in amazement.

    And yes, Stonehenge. My best grad school friend and I went there and actually sang the other song about that place. The other tourists thought we were were nuts.

  32. I am jealous of my cats all the time. And what worse, they are better poets than I am.

    Meow, meow
    Meow, meow, meow
    Meow, meow
    Meow, meow, meow

    See, better poets too. Damn cats–too bad I really, really love them.

  33. What’s the meaning of Stonehenge? Stonehenge is there to mark the location of the Pandorica. I thought everybody knew that.

  34. I had my back “go out” for the first time ever and spent pretty much all of last week doing that. Totally overrated. Even Vicodin didn’t make it more pleasurable.

    And I’m still stuck on last week’s terrible real estate agent photos link. House-hunting is a hopeless disaster because I just start laughing because EVERYTHING triggers a memory from that blog. THANKS A LOT, JENNY.

    PS…did I miss Victor’s geeky Halloween costume? Please tell me I didn’t.

  35. I am also insanely jealous of your cat. And although I have never met any of the rest of the “tribe” I am having an excellent time picturing them all trying to stit. Thanks!

  36. KITTIES!!! OK, I’ll calm down now…I’ve been saying for years that I wouldn’t mind being reincarnated once as someone’s really spoiled and much-loved housecat. Mind you, I don’t think I’d want to be a cat for all of my lives, but just once strikes me as being SO restful… *sigh* Can’t say as I’ve ever seen any cat I’ve lived with stitting, though…

    (Why is all of this reminding me of Hothead Paisan and her cat Chicken? Probably because at one point there was a “Playin’ the Cello” t-shirt out there based on the cartoon, and yes, the cat in the drawing was doing exactly what you think it was…)

  37. My dog, Gio, used to do the stair sitting thing, ALL THE TIME. It was one of the things I liked about him – never could figure out how he did it so comfortably. He died on Valentine’s Day this year. Thank you for helping me remember one of his good personality traits.

  38. Well, today my husband watched a Korean zombie movie, so I’m sure he will discover your blog very soon. And tell me all about it.

  39. Our dog does the same thing on the stairs. Only when she does it her head hangs way down. We’ve come to the conclusion she’s doing her Gargoyle impression.

  40. My dog pretends to pee when I take her out in the rain and she stands with her hind parts on the couch while she watches tv. I think she is constantly trying to confuse me! Animals are like that 🙂

  41. Frickin’ cats, always doing cool things that we cannot physically do, or sleeping all day, which I could totally do, if given the chance.

  42. FYI I think it’s totally natural to be jealous of your cat.

    1. Cats can sleep most of the day then wake up with the inexplicable ability to move. When I sleep in for an extra hour or two I wake up to several joints banding together in protest.
    2. Fat cats are called fluffy and stroked affectionately. When do I get to be described as fluffy? (I’m totally going to start referring to myself as fluffy.)
    3. If Disney has taught me anything (and it has) it’s that “everybody wants to be a cat, cause a cat’s the only cat who knows where it’s at”.

    I rest my case.

  43. My Chihuahua Pablo, sits on my head with his front paws on the back of the couch as he looks out the window guarding the house. Uh oh… am I allowed to mention dogs here? Sorry. But that cat is twice the size of Pablo and would probably eat him for breakfast 🙂 It’s a huge cat!

  44. I’m in love with the miniature scenes and dioramas man! I make free hand paper cut dioramas as a hobby in my (very limited) spare time and have a couple dollhouses that I built as a teenager. Love tiny things! My Instagram handle is even @dioramamama!

  45. If i see this correctly, you are “overly attached” to Taylor Swift?

    She’s a talented musician. I got your vibe.

  46. Hey Jenny.

    This has nothing to do with your post, but I sorta feel the need to share it with somebody who will actually get why it’s such a big fucking deal, and it says a lot about my life that the nearest person who qualifies is a woman on the other side of the atlantic who I’m never likely to meet IRL.

    Last wednesday, I told my boss that I needed some time off work to get all my mental ducks in a row, or I was likely do end up doing something I regretted.

    I saw my doc on Friday, who signed me out of work for two weeks, and gave me a presciption for celexa and a referral to a counselling service. I’m gonna phone them today. Wish me luck.

  47. Sort of like kneeling in church and sitting on the pew at the same time. Lazy cat!

  48. the problem us baldy humans have is that our legs are longer than our arms. that makes stitting comfortably nearly impossible. lazy dogs have been known to stit as well. our old rottweiler, while not lazy, was a 98-pound baby. we had a split level ranch and the stairs were right across from the front door, which only had a smallish window at face-level. so she would stit on the stairs and watch out the window.

    of course, there was a HUGE ASS bay window like four feet to the right. so she could have laid down on the landing and been even more lazy while looking out the window.

    adorable, loving, and cute, but not always the smartest. but i did teach her to eat corn off the cob (i would turn it for her, since she did not have thumbs).

    did any of that make sense? i’m full of toxic drugs for RA, so i’m not sure.

  49. Boyfriend says you are wrong, that its sanding. The emphasis is on the ing. Sand-ING.
    Don’t tell him but I prefer stitting.

    Boyfriend is always jealous that our cats can clean their own junk. I personally think its a blessing we can’t though. *Shudder*

  50. Stitting: I suspect you actually do it more often than you realize…it’s when you have one ass cheek on a bar stool, but your weight really isn’t on the chair.

  51. Hahahahahaha! “Yeah. He’s being a cat. What a bastard.”

    I’m a little jealous of your cat too. I suspect that takes mad skills.

  52. Hey Dave post #70, can I have your Doctor? Mine refuses to let me do that. Even though I seriously need it because I am struggling with the Depression Lies thing & it’s sending my BP into the stratosphere. Seriously…. why is it so hard to find people willing to tackle your health issues with you instead of leaving you to dangle over a pit of boiling oil to see how long it takes you to MacGyver your way out of it? If you don’t have a cat yet maybe get one?

    Cats are awesome. There is one in our herd that just will not tolerate lonesomeness… his or mine. He bends his body in some weird ass ways to make sure that he can touch you from where ever he is laying when you plop down near him. The second he makes contact he starts purring like a race boat. (think Miami Vice) If it’s really bad he will curl himself up into a ball under your chin but only after he has made eye contact for long enough to judge my receptivity. A cat with some boundaries! You don’t get that with dogs.

  53. I’ve been a follower for a while, but I don’t think I’ve ever left a comment before. I just wanted to let you know how much I absolutely adore your posts. They always put me in a brighter mood if I’m feeling down. If I need a quick pick-me-up I love going to the one about the giant rooster!

  54. My cat, who looks exactly like Hunter S. Thomcat (except that my cat is missing a foot), does exactly the same thing.

  55. I’m not only jealous of stitting, I wish I could do the ninja-twist-in-the-air-land-on-the-feet thing that cats do, too. It would have saved me many breaks and sprains over the years, plus would be an excellent party trick.

  56. I’m frequently jealous of my dog. She eats whatever she wants, she gets her own chair despite not being allowed on the furniture, and never has to use a lint roller to get off all the orange hair before she leaves the house.

  57. The author of Fangirlish is kinda stupid. She spelt The Blogess insteas of The Bloggess. She also said Let’s Pretend That Never Happened instead of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.

  58. I have some stitches on my right leg, which I can’t get wet until they come out. When I tried this in a friend’s jacuzzi I tended to flail around a lot and suck in water. Not recommended under these conditions.

  59. My dog stits on my belly when I lay on the floor. Luckily she only weights 25 lbs…and that she’s only stitting on me instead of something stinkier. 😉

  60. Actually, cat envy isn’t all that uncommon; they can jump like Spider-Man, slice and dice with their claws and lick themselves. What’s not to envy?

  61. At first I thought, I totally need that notebook. And then I remembered that I don’t like people and wouldn’t want to kill them with kindness. Death rays out of my eyes? Now we’re talking.

  62. I’m pretty much always jealous of our cats. All they have to do, every day, is:
    1. Eat.
    2. Decide where to sleep.
    3. Make humans open and close the sliding glass door for them to come in or go out, over and over and over and overandoverandoverandovermwahahahahahaHA.

    I comfort myself with the thought that it must suck to have the same exact thing to eat, for every single meal.

  63. Oh C’MON. I clicked on the ‘second best song’ link. and now I can NOT get ‘What does the FOX say!’ out of my head. It’s not fair that a song gets stuck in your head when you don’t even listen to it. [I like Stonehenge but it will always live in the Fox’s shadow.]

  64. Just curious…do your cats worry about becoming part of the taxidermy collection? Because that cat sorta looks taxidermied in that position. Maybe he’s practicing?

    I taxidermied even a word?

  65. Oh, yes, Marwencol! Totally love Marwencol. The documentary on the man who creates Marwencol streams on Netflix. Amazing story IMHO.

  66. I love Jenny’s conversations with Victor. I am a little more than halfway through reading “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” and my favorite parts are the Victor fights!!

  67. Thank you for sharing your internet finds with us. The forced perspective/model photographer is amazing and I enjoy your pintrest page posts. But I have to say I really enjoyed the overly attached Taylor Swift girl. I am a Taylor fan but I’ve got to admit that hearing someone dramatically speak out the lyrics–her facial expressions really sell the concept–made me laugh out loud. …And I’m out of the loop; what is the first best song about Stonehenge?

  68. I would totally read Victor’s memoir if he were ever to write one. It’d be interesting to read his perspective on what it’s like seeing you go through so much not be able to fix everything for you. I’m afraid to ask my own husband how he handles it when my depression gets worse.

    Both my kids have long arms and short legs, like gorillas. If we had stairs in our house, I bet they’d be kick ass at “stitting.”

  69. Yip, cats can do some pretty marvellous things… our two never cease to amaze me at how many places they can find to go to sleep in / on / under, places I didn’t even know existed in this house until I spied a cat there.

  70. I am jealous of all my pets. They get fed and spoiled whether they do their work or not, but they love their jobs. My cats have one job which they take twisted pleasure in and that is keeping rats at bay. My dogs have one job and that is barking at possible intruders. They took way too much pleasure in this job and bark at anybody that comes into the yard.

  71. My dog totally stits all the time. On me. On the arm of the chair. He’s such a little stit. It’s a good thing I love him.

  72. OMG Jenny. OMG.

    everyone stit’s in my house, the cats, the dog, the kids. Oh and that bit about cats having to eat the same thing everyday? Only if the humans do too. Spiffy will SPRINT when she hears you in the kitchen. SPRINT I TELL YOU! one of the first pictures I have of her (as a kitten) she is walking down my -then- boyfriends arm to get to the chicken wing in his hand!

    I also need some of the notebooks. Perfect gifts for my college kids.

    And I so totally understand being excited and screaming. You replied to a comment I made. I think my daughter got very tired of hearing about how the bloggess READ MY COMMENT AND TALKED TO ME!!!! SHE TALKED TO ME!!!!!!! So yeah, I get it. alot. I realize you probably wouldn’t be able to entertain us with new posts if you responded to all of them, heck I am not sure how you even have time to read them all….

    Lastly, I love you, and your family. I wish I had a Victor.

  73. I listened to the Stonehenge song yesterday before I even read this, and my reaction was to squee a little simply because in the last year I was able to go there, so I was all, I was there, I saw that, I was on that road. Something I never thought I would be able to say, ever, in my life. Simply put, was in an abusive relationship for 11 years, FINALLY got myself out of it, less than two months after that started talking to a guy from England online, next thing I know he came out to visit, we fell in love, his parents bought me and the kids tickets and passports so we could go visit, we went out there, saw Dover castle, saw Stonehenge, went to London, pretty much LIVED in Canterbury, and got proposed to. Went home with with my englishman, though he left again in July, and am now counting down until he gets back down here and we can get married. Already have my dress and everything. And it hasn’t yet been a year and a half since I ditched mr abusive. Sorry about that, just excited.

  74. oh yeah, one more thing I forgot. To be a cat, and get paid. That would be perfect. You don’t pay Hunter do you?

  75. Your link to the Stonehenge song completely made my day. And “henge” has been added to my vocabulary!

  76. Though I have recently traded the last name Stitt for something better (and by better, I mean apparently more baffling and difficult to spell), I’m not sure I want ‘stitting’ to become a thing. I have younger siblings to think of.

  77. Jenny, you and your cats and Victor make my day. I also have an awesome artistic personality that hovers around depression, that son of a bitch that arrives without an invitation. Thank you for keeping it real.

  78. I’m actually jealous of your carpet. Seriously…I need to upgrade mine to something like that. 🙂

  79. I disagree. I can totally do the *human* equivalent of that. You find something – say a railing – that comes up to exactly the bottom of your bum. You rest your weight on it, but it still appears as though you are standing normally. Boom. Human stitting. And I did it with only 2 legs. Take that, cat!

  80. I feel the need to point out that not only did Fangirlish spell your name wrong, they also got the title of your book wrong.

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