“Soon” never comes.

There are seven days in a week and “soon” isn’t one of them.  Which is good, because you know when my next book is due?  Soon.  But technically “soon” never comes.  I mean, it’s coming, don’t get me wrong.  But it’s not quite here and at the rate I’m going, “It’ll be done soon” for the rest of my life.

I should probably stop blogging about the word “soon” and instead use this time to focus on my book.

And I will.

Soon.

PS.  Please make me feel better about myself by telling me about something you should have done already but haven’t yet.  Then we can feel terrible together.  And that’s what friends are for.

PPS.  You should go buy my last book for your mom’s birthday.  Or your cat’s anniversary.  Whatever.  It would just be helpful if I could tell my editor that I’m going to be late on my deadline because I’m just way too busy selling my old book.  Feel free to lie.  This is a safe place, y’all.  Unless you’re my editor.  Then it’s a place to make you sigh deeply and put your head on your desk.

585 thoughts on ““Soon” never comes.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I had a whole month off between internships to do a whole bunch of shit. I spent most of it on my iPhone. I will get a months worth of stuff done in four days…soon.

  2. I’ve got laundry in my dryer from Saturday. I have clean dishes in my dishwasher since last Wednesday because I’ve pretty much stopped eating at home for a week. I have ideas for 6 blog posts but I haven’t posted anything since Tuesday and can’t be arsed to actually write anything even though I sit at a computer all day and night. And I’ve been putting off my “annual” dentist exam/cleaning for a year and a half, so let’s just call that biannual and be done with it.

  3. I spent an expensive 6 weeks on a once in a lifetime soul searching journey to Albuquerque to work on myself, meditate, and embrace being alone. I didn’t do any of it, but I will do it soon.

  4. I remember when I was in grad school (only a million years ago) and people would ALWAYS ask me, “So how’s the thesis coming? When will you be done?” I wanted to tell them, “NEVER, OK? I’m NEVER going to be done with the @#$%&! thesis! But, thanks for asking.” I think it’s true that the last 10% of the work takes 90% of your effort. But you know what? I finished my thesis, and you’ll finish your next book (sooner than you think). And, we’ll all read it. 🙂

  5. I keep moving the renewal card for my beagle Eleanor Roosevelt’s animal license from one spot on the counter to another, and now it’s 6 months overdue and I’m getting more cards threatening me with fines or punishment if I don’t pay up and get her license.

    To be fair, I don’t really understand why she needs a license to be an animal. Is she not an American citizen without her tag? I guess not. I don’t want her to get deported. What if she gets hired as a nanny by a family, and then they find out she’s illegal, and then that family gets in huge trouble? I would feel bad. So I’ll send in the card. Soon.

  6. Would you like me to send you an unfinished lace shawl?
    I really was working on it — at work, during meetings. But i teach Anatomy and began to notice that the pattern was looking awfully much like — well, parts of the anatomy one doesn’t knit in meetings. And of course I had to point it out to my colleagues, because it was funny. But then I was embarrassed to work on it in meetings or church, so…
    Anyway, this project is 4 years old and will be done soon. Don’t ask me who I’ll give it to.

  7. I was supposed to make a budget and be fiscally responsible AGES ago. Soon. oooh look! shoes!

  8. I need to close out my late father’s estate, to include filing tax returns, etc. I’ll do it soon.
    How long since he passed, you ask? In 2009.

  9. So – SOON – I’m going to clean out that closet that when it is opened – stuff falls on my head.

    Soon – I’m going to start Tai Chi

    Soon – I’m going to go to some place exotic – Maybe Disney Land.

    Soon – I’m going to start stockpiling for the Zombie Apocalypse. (oh wait – what do you stockpile for that? see I need help with that one… got any tips? Maybe a top 10 items to stock pile for it. Hard Hats?)

  10. Soon I will do my taxes.

    Soon I will draft that post to the Evil League of Teachers comparing math to crucifixion.

    Soon I will finish grading my student’s math homework.

    Now… I’m going to take a nap.

  11. Well last night I should have been doing laundry and cleaning up dinner but instead I picked up the kids kindle and started playing that Minecraft game….So the laundry and all that jazz will get done soon.

    But right now I have to find more iron and some sticks so I can craft better tools before it gets dark and the creepers get me.

    But soon.

    Seriously.

  12. I haven’t renewed Wicket’s animal license (it was due last month), and while I know that the county will send me another form, I don’t know where I put the confirmation that we got her 3-year rabies vaccine. And I have neither looked for it nor called the vet about getting another copy.

  13. Soon… I will start meditating for better emotional health. Soon, I will thoroughly clean my house. Soon, I will re-arrange my furniture and wall art so my house looks “decorated” instead of “like someone flung stuff around.” Soon, I will go to work every morning with a positive attitude and stop wasting time while I’m there.

  14. I’m also reading this instead of working on a book, and I can’t seem to bother to take 4 minutes to bill for work I’ve already done, which seems just really stupid.

  15. Oh my gosh, how long of a list do you want? Just what I haven’t done, but should’ve, in the last year, the last decade, my whole life? I can’t even begin to wrap my head around all of the things I should have done but have not. Huge sigh.

  16. Jenny Lawson is STILL not my bitch

    http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2009/05/entitlement-issues.html

    I really want to read anything you write.

    BUT ENJOY YOURSELF WRITING. If you have nothing to say, you have nothing to say, and go play with your daughter or rearrange your books. Whatever you feel like. When you feel like writing, write. What’s the worst thing that happens? Your editor drops you? Fine. So be it. Continue writing, whenever you have something interesting to say. Whenever something is done, if it is good, someone will publish it. Or you will publish it here. It will be okay.

    Writing is not road paving. When you feel like writing because you have something interesting to say, do so.

    But enjoy it. Write for yourself. Have fun writing it. And when it is done, let me read it. If possible make me pay for it from some publisher.

  17. There is a picture in my head that I am going to paint soon. It’s been in my head for almost 35 years.

  18. I should not have let my 4 year old cough on me. Also, those litter boxes unfortunately don’t clean themselves, even though I’ve been pretending they do. Le sigh.

  19. There’s a quilt I started in the Fall that got put on hold while I made stuff for Christmas. Like the stale cookies that really should be tossed, but it seems such waste not to mention the effort. I can’t work on the quilt until the dishes piling up in the sink are washed. And if I toss the old, stale cookies then there will be more dishes to wash. I also haven’t done a blog post (or any writing) in a week. I’d do one now but the dishes still need to be washed, so I’ll probably go read for a while until it’s suddenly time to meet the school bus and figure out what’s for dinner which will be too late because I didn’t think about it sooner. The squirrels sure are frisky today.

  20. In order to finish this professional certification process, I just need to write 4 essays of no more than 4 pages. No minimum, no restrictions on line spacing / font size… just no more than 4 pages each.

    It has been on my to-do list since 5/30/2013.

  21. So I was supposed to send in a renewal form to my health insurance company in December. They keep charging me, so i keep saying I’ll get to it soon….

    And I have a client blog post about chemotherapy i was supposed to write, but i keep putting it off. I’ve got to get to that soon.

    I’ve also put off looking at bills because… well… they aren’t going anywhere. But I probably ought to get on that soon too.

    Oh, and my landlord is coming over today to replace the air filters in my apartment. But the house is a mess. I should probably clean soon.

  22. I need to be fluent in German…soon. I have lived in Germany for 7 months and I’m nowhere close. I start and procrastinate. I think I’ll go buy your book now.

  23. Soon, I will finish my grad school applications. .. It’s not like they’re due next week or anything.
    Oh, wait. Yes they are.

  24. I haven’t learned how to apply eyeshadow or what the difference between foundation, concealer, powder and cover up are. I probably should have learned that like 10 years ago, but I’ll get to it soon.

  25. Um…finish crocheting the Christmas scarf I started before Christmas 2012?

    Finish my NaNo novel?

    Finish my Dresden Files fanfic?

    Clean my house? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…oh man.

  26. Soon, I will finish my undergraduate degree. Soon, I will do yoga so I can lose the 30 pounds my surgeon insists upon before translplant. Soon, I will knit up all the socks that are as yet just potential socks. After all, I finished my son’s Christmas socks last night. Progress, right?

  27. I’m an editor for Jolly Fish Press, and I’m supposed to be working on trimming 10,000 to 20,000 words off the manuscript I’m working on…it is 110,000 words long, and I’ve only worked my way through a few pages…and it’s supposed to be due on Tuesday.

  28. i will get the work done in my kitchen soon.
    i painted a 3″x20″ strip on my kitchen wall …oh maybe a year ago. you know as a tester to see if i liked the color. i do. someday i will paint.
    and get this ugly ass kitchen floor replaced… and ….
    and… and….
    soon!

  29. My 3-year-old daughter has been watching cartoons for two hours while I tried to get up the energy to go clean something – specifically her room, which has exploded in toys.

    Instead I’m online.

    But soon I’ll get up and be a functioning adult.

  30. I will clean up the wreak that my house has been since the holidays, soon.

    I will clean out all of the clothes that no longer fit me, soon.

    I will start an exercise program so that my fat ass doesn’t have MORE clothes that no longer fit me, soon.

    Ugh.

  31. I started a chainmail shirt…6 years ago and now whenever anyone asks how close I am to being done the answer is always soon. I REALLY should finish that damn thing

  32. “Soon” I will wash the dishes I left in the sink this morning; “Soon” I will fold and put away the clothes I left on top of the dryer (which, no doubt I will “soon” have to re-wash and dry because the cats are probably already making a nest out of them while I’m at work. “Soon” I will stop reading my favorite blog and start said ‘work’!!

  33. Soon I will get back to exercising after I fell off the wagon over the holidays and ate ALL THE THINGS.

    Soon I will find the old version of my will so that I can find a new, closer lawyer to revise it, so that my evil mother-in-law does not end up guardian of my kids if I die. (I REALLY, REALLY have to do this).

    Soon I will find my kids summer clothes and hope that they fit so that they will have something to wear when we go to Florida in 8 days.

    Soon I will get back to doing real work (here, at my desk, at work, where they pay me) instead of screwing around on the internet.

  34. Soon? Kinda when my own book is due. April 1 is rapidly approaching and I have slightly less than diddle. I blame the polar vortex, seems appropriate though entirely off base.

  35. Some of our Christmas stuff is still out in our yard & around the house, I have 3 loads of laundry to fold & put away, there are hundreds of pics on my camera that I need to upload to my computer, I should update my blog, and I really need to clean the entire house. I’ll get to it soon 🙂

  36. I just moved into a new house. Am I diligently unpacking? Nope. Am I in bed reading blogs? Indeed!

  37. I’m taking online courses and my latest class ends February 5th. I’m still on Chapter 2. My book doesn’t have a Chapter 1.

  38. I haven’t trimmed my 5 year old son’s fingernails in over a month because I’m too depressed to argue with him when I suggest it and he refuses. Everyday it’s on my list of things to do and it never gets done. Today… today… today… today…

    I also have no clean laundry to wear because for the last month all of the clean laundry has been in the laundry baskets, folded no less, but I can’t seem to manage to put any of it away.

  39. I’ll get back to doing inventory, service orders, invoices, entering receipts and bills into quickbooks, filing, updating log books, processing payments, and indexing new customers…soon. My brain doesn’t properly function before 9am.

  40. George R. R. Martin, in writing his fourth (maybe fifth?) book, had one year where he wrote negative pages. So really, any progress is awesome!

  41. I haven’t taken my Christmas tree down yet. It has never been watered and the kitten has almost all of the ornaments off. I’ll do it soon.

  42. My father died almost two years ago, and I keep forgetting to order him a headstone. I mean, he’s next door to my mom, so people can find him, but still. I think his cheapskate heart would appreciate that I haven’t spent the money yet, though.

  43. I was supposed to have a scientific paper done by the beginning of October. But October was super busy, and then the government shut down and I wasn’t allowed to work, and then things took longer than expected, and then there was a conference to attend, and then I got sick, and then it was the holidays, and then abstracts for another conference were due.

    But I swear I’ll have a draft done soon!

  44. I could write a book listing all the things I should have done by now but haven’t. Repainting the peeling paint in our house. Fixing my laptop’s glitching screen. Vacuum. Clean the basement. Clean the garage. Clean the upstairs. Clean the bedroom that’s become a storage room. I think you get the point. Maybe I should write a book about the things I’ve been putting off doing. Of course, then I’d put off writing the book and would need to list the book in itself which – with my luck – would tear a hole in space-time.

  45. Soon I will turn my book into an ePub. Soon.
    But first I’m redesigning my website and before that I have to finish unpacking but before I can do that I have to get new furniture which means soon I’ll be going to a Swedish shop. Soon.

  46. I should have called my old psychiatrist to see if she’ll take me back on as a patient/gotten a referral for a new psychiatrist because I haven’t seen anybody in a few years and my depression is back with a vengeance.

    I should have started working on losing weight and eating better too. I’m overweight and miserable. Now it turns out that I have sleep apnea. I’m 27. Awesome.

  47. I’m supposed to be helping my mother pick hymns for my grandmother’s funeral. Except my grandmother hasn’t passed yet. (My mom wants her to approve our choices, because Grandma doesn’t want to pick them herself, but my mom wants to know that our choices will make her happy. It’s a messed-up scenario in which I’m threatening to pick Eminem and Rob Zombie songs if my mom doesn’t quit calling me every day, sometimes twice a day, to see if I have my selection[s] yet.) I will do them when I feel like it. ERGH.

  48. All my Christmas stuff is piled on one table in my house…except the trees which are still in all the rooms…except for one tree which is HALFAY taken apart. oH & the lights & twelve hundred lighted candy canes are in a pile on my front porch where my husband left them when he took them down a week ago.. I suppose we will get to putting it all away soon.

  49. My son is 5 1/2 months old, my maternity leave lasts until he’s one year (we’re Canadian). I need infant daycare lined up for him; there is a shortage of infant daycare providers in our small town. My sister in law started looking for infant daycare for my nieces when they were 3 months old. I’ll do some research and start making some calls to find a daycare for him soon…

  50. I have well over a hundred empty beer, wine and assorted alcohol bottles sitting in a corner waiting to be returned for deposit. The pile has been growing since the summer (hosting holiday parties didn’t help).

    My excuses include, 1) Ugh,exertion. 2) The bottle return process is awkward, and 3) There is no way to get through this without looking like I have a problem.

    And still the pile grows…

  51. I still have unpacked boxes from my move of August 2011, pictures that need to be hung, books that need to be read or donated, neither of these in the unpacked boxes. Is it any wonder that this place doesn’t feel like “home”?

  52. Where do I begin?
    I desperately need pants for my work wardrobe. I got a new job and had to revamp the closet. By the end of the week I am scrounging desperately.

    Of course I HAVE four pairs of pants. On the sewing table. Waiting to be hemmed. Where they have been for A MONTH.

  53. I’m giving a talk on Saturday with my daughter. We need time to practice. We haven’t written it yet. But we will soon.

  54. I have my kids’ baby photos to scrapbook. My kids are 17 and 15. I’ll get to that soon.

  55. David Cutler: If Jenny ain’t yo bitch, can I be?

    Bad English there to say thanks for the good advice for EVERYONE. Except road pavers.

  56. I gave my dad your book for Christmas. He has a good sense of humor, but you never know how these things will go. Here is his report:

    “On Sat. I went to Urgent Care to get some antibiotics for a cough.

    Going to Urgent Care in the winter can take a lot of time; so, I brought the Jenny Lawson book. While reading about her experiences with artificial impregnation of cows, I started laughing a little too loudly, and ended up trying to explain to the people around me why the difference between vaginal impregnation and rectovaginal impregnation was somehow quite funny. I am not sure I succeeded.

    Reading can get a person into trouble.”

  57. How about this: Soon I will finish my Christmas shopping. 😐 (We haven’t yet celebrated with one side of the family.)

  58. my cat has a huge mat on his back and i have been putting off taking him to be groomed. why? well, it’s extremely cold outside so i feel bad that he will have to be shaved. but also i know that the vet is going to yell at me because he is too damn fat to groom his own back. :((((

  59. I started writing a book 15 years ago. I probably won’t finish it.

    I have my nephew’s Christmas present boxed up and ready to mail — have been going to mail it “soon” since September.

    Clothes in the dryer getting wrinkly? I’ll fold them soon…

  60. My cable in my bedroom hasn’t worked since I moved in, in March 2013. I’ve called the company a couple times but they are worthless and I just don’t care! The only time I’m self conscious about it is when a guy goes to turn on the TV 🙂

  61. I still haven’t finished our christmas card and its now January. I’ll finish it soon and just use it for next year *insert evil laugh here* Loved the first book, and I can wait very patiently for the next so don’t feel to stressed out about finishing it. I know the wait will be worth it

  62. I should have put away Halloween already? but, I love it too much to say goodbye and it’ll be here again soon, so why bother. I own a signed copy of your book (yay me) and I will buy another for the next person I see who needs a good laugh (that should be in a few minutes when I go up to the school for a parent/teacher conference).

  63. I was “working on” my thesis for 3 years before I actually sat down and wrote it in 8 months….and only then because “no more extensions”. When people asked me how it was going, I’d always tell them it was coming along and I hoped to wrap it up ‘soon’.

  64. I had foot surgery in December, which would have been an awesome time to start getting all my receipts, etc. together for my small pottery business. I said, “soon,” and started binge-watching “Sons of Anarchy.”

    I really need to file the sales tax I collected this year. It’s due on the 31st. So, like, REALLY soon!

    After I get the walking boot I need, anyway.

  65. Soon is the story of my life. I am a master procrastinator. I come from a long line of procrastinators. It’s a proud history.

    If I tried to list all of the things I’ve put off until “soon” I would probably blow up the internet and then I’d have to add that to the list of things I’m going to fix/look at/take care of “soon”. I’m avoiding this for the good of all of us!

  66. I offered to do half of the paperwork for my daughter’s Girl Guide unit – meetings started in September – and I haven’t started yet. Now I’m not even sure I can remember back that far all the stuff I need to record. And, not taking down Christmas decorations? PAH!! Until its at least April that one doesn’t even register …

  67. We are selling our house and have to be out by the end of the month. I should be sorting and garage selling and packing and all that other moving crap but I’m not. I don’t want to do any of that because it is awful and tedious and hard. I refuse. I’ll do it soon. But not today. Or tomorrow. Or this weekend. Soon.

  68. I have not put away the Christmas decorations. I know, it’s only the 9th of January. But I live with my mother-in-law, and she’s one of those “put it away the day after Christmas” people.

  69. I should have pulled the weeds in my backyard before they turned into trees. Now I need to cut down some trees. I’m sure I’ll to around to it soon.

  70. I’m going to buy your last book as an audiobook to listen to while exercising, when I get back to exercising, which will be, um, soon.

  71. You want to feel like terrible people together? I’ve been working on my grandpa’s memoir for two years. We’re going to finish it “soon.” I have a lot of work left to do and the man is almost 90! THERE IS ALMOST CERTAINLY NOT THAT MANY SOONS LEFT! And this is my fault, not his! He’s on top of his stuff. To be fair he’s retired, but still! I definitely win the worst granddaughter ever award!

    PS. I just finished your book the other day and loved it. I laughed so hard I cried multiple times! Thank you!

  72. I once had to hurry up and put the Christmas decorations away before my son’s 10th birthday party….on Jan 31. Yup…they stayed up all of January because I was going to get to it…eventually. We weren’t overly busy, or had so many activities that kept us from “getting to it”, we just didn’t do it. we DID, however, turn the tree on every night as we sat watching whatever TV/movies we were doing INSTEAD of taking down the decorations, or have the set on WHILE we un-decored…nope…we just didn’t do it.

  73. My husband and I have a competition going to see who can NOT wash the dishes in the sink. I think I’m winning, but I’m not proud of it. The dishes are clean-ish. They’re rinsed. They just need to be washed with actual soap and put away. I have two hours before I have to get in the shower… I’m sure I’ll throw in the towel and just wash them. But, I got sucked into a Law and Order SVU marathon, so it’s possible I’ll never leave the couch.

  74. Last August the hubby and I gutted our master bathroom to make it more functional and pretty. He’s not worried about it being pretty. I am. Our goal was to be finished by mid-October, then Thanksgiving. Then, the I’m-not-having-house-guests-for-Christmas-if-we-don’t-have-a-second-bathroom rant came back to haunt me everyday for a week while we had guests.

    We still don’t have a shower.

    Here’s the good news! I have your last book in my hot little hands and will be using it as my main distraction from building walls and cutting tile. I’m already looking forward to reading your next book…soon. Please tell your editor that you can’t possibly finish your new book until I finish my shower. Thanks.

  75. I should have had the toilet in my master bath replaced. I think it’s leaking…and if it’s leaking badly they will probably have to rip out the tile and repair the sub-flooring. But I’m going to call a plumber……SOON…

    And also the furnace filter….it should be replaced REAL SOON…

    And balancing my checkbook. But um…no. That is NEVER going to happen.

  76. My husband promised to change the lightbulbs in our bedroom Easter weekend 2013. I finally just boughta bedside lamp.

  77. We’re moving to Dallas in, like, a month and we haven’t even bought boxes, let alone put anything IN said boxes.

    I’m totally going to get on that soon . . .

  78. I have 2 stories on the burner that I would like to turn into books. I should also write another blog post and get my house in order like i said I was going to do. My 8 year old is just about to vomit again and I should probably go help him hold the bowl under his chin. Yet, here I am. You are not alone.

  79. I should be typing case notes for work but instead, I’m reading your blog and looking online for yarn to knit a baby blanket for my upcoming nephew.

  80. Did I mention I (so far) have purchased three copies of your book because family members keep disappearing with them. I am sure I will need another one soon.

    I have to write up a list of website changes for the beginning of 2014…I will get to it soon.

  81. Oh, oh my god. Where do I start?
    I have a whole list of shit I should have done yesterday – pick up the house, write a query, search for a new job… Instead I made a bunny hat.
    Yeah, a bunny hat. A fascinator with fuzzy wuzzy ears.
    Because its winter and I just don’t wanna.

  82. Jenny,

    My next book will be finished “soon” as well. In the meantime, at least you’ve accomplished something that may be beyond my grasp: You’ve touched MILLIONS with your brilliance, vulnerability, unique madness, marriage tips, beauty – inside and out – and lest I forget, your special brand of Bloggess humor. I’m still coming up empty in my attempts to reach Ellen on my daughter’s behalf. I can’t even reach a single soul, never mind millions of them.

    Write the book inside – but only when its ready to make itself known.

  83. We never decorated our Christmas tree, but did intend to get to it…soon.

    The upside is, it was really easy to get it out to the curb this year.

  84. i have an essay that is due on Monday that i was going to finish before christmas,

    Soon, it will be finished soon

  85. Ironically, my book needs to be finished “soon”. But soon is a unicorn…. apparently. It exists only in my imagination.

  86. Soon is one of my favorite words.

    People: when is your next book coming out?

    Me: soon

    My daughters: when can I have some money

    me: soon

    people: is blogging dead and if not when will it be?

    me: soon

    people: what’s woody allen’s wife’s name?

    me: soon

  87. I have a quilt that I started about 6 years ago as a block-of-the-month club. I actually added all of the borders to it last weekend. Now I just have to actually put a backing on it, and then quilt it…

  88. Your book will get done. It’ll get done in the way that all stuff gets done. It just gets done. We do the stuff we need to despite any ideas we have about time. So with the knowledge it will get done, go do something else that is nearby and shiny and interesting or pretty. Maybe that’s your book. Maybe it’s something else. But if it’s not your book, don’t worry, because your book will get done.

  89. I will also fit into the denim jacket my in-laws got me for Christmas soon. (Or else exchange it soon, though I’m worried that ship may have sailed.)

  90. I should have gotten the permissions form signed from a big-named writer who is contributing to *my* first book…which is also due this weekend. I had to crawl into her inbox and plead forgiveness at making her stop, drop, and sign the form when she has 10,000 other things she could be doing.

  91. Soon….. I will make a start on ny AAT level 3 coursework. Signed up to the course 18 months ago and really *should* have sat a few exams by now…. You know how it is though, life gets in the way!

  92. I was supposed to take out the trash today – and I forgot until I heard the garbage man passing my house. I think he was laughing.

    Soon I will lose weight, hit the gym, and finish writing my books. Soon!

  93. I purged all the closets and dressers over Christmas break. Everything has been halfway blocking the entrance to my front door since then. I will get it out of my house and over to Goodwill soon.

    I was also supposed to get the dogs meds refilled 3 weeks ago. I will get to it soon.

  94. I’m gonna take down my Christmas tree… soon.
    I was gonna take boxing lessons starting Monday but then I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror jumping rope this morning, so now I’m only gonna take lessons… soon.
    I was gonna make a dentist appointment, but who are we kidding? I’ll get to it… soon.

  95. SQUEEEE! New book!!!!!
    *ahem*
    I can’t WAIT! I reread the first regularly. It’s a lot like my childhood in Gloucestershire except I had less deer carcass and more goat. Not goat carcass (very often) though.

    Things I’m mean to have done;

    *Worked out how to have 2 twitter accounts. (One for work)
    *Done the dishes. I’ve got a hungry family just now.
    *Learnt more effective use of the word ‘soon’, obviously.

  96. I’ve been “writing” a cookbook for over 2 years. Well. It’s not actually a “cookbook” per se. More of a “Misadventures in the kitchen with lots of cussing and sometimes FOOD” book. People are gnawing at my ass for it. BUT…look!!! PICTURES OF GOATS!!! And shit.

  97. So… I’m sitting here while my toddler is napping and my preschool is, well, at preschool. I *should* be doing my homework, but in reality, I am eating a big box of wheat thins and watching Rent.

    Rent > Homework. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

  98. I took time off between high school and college to work because I didn’t have a plan for a real job. I still don’t, 7 years after graduating high school. I’ve gone to college, switched majors 4 times, and finally settled on something that will probably make me no money. When will I finish college and join the real world? Eh. Soon.

  99. 1. Clean & sort my closet (1 year)
    2. Clean the storage room (1 year)
    3. Paint & organize “project room” (5 years)
    4. Pull the dead plants in the yard (4 months)
    5. Call Traditional Homes about my subscription (2 months)
    6. Clean out the pantry. (6 months)
    7. Clean out junk drawers (forever)

  100. I’m supposed to have written up 2 papers…. instead I’m goofing off on the web. I’ve totally told my boss that “They’ll be done soon”. I maybe lying.

  101. I am currently working on a video game, and I keep getting asked for updates on the writing/script. But I also have about three other projects that take up just as much time, and I can never say no. So, I just say, “It’ll be updated soon!”

  102. Yeah…I’m due to have a baby in less than four weeks. I have done nothing to prepare (except for, you know, growing her). Thankfully, we’re having our second daughter so we have clothes already, but I should probably take a couple of hours to find some 0-3 month clothes and wash them or something since they’ve been sitting in boxes for about two years. And I should probably buy some newborn diapers at some point. I know they give you diapers at the hospital, but a newborn goes through about 25 of those things a day. I’ll get it done. Soon.

  103. I have three essays due in one, three and four days — like any good college student at some point! Fun fact! Did you know that when Caesar was in his late twenties he cried while looking at a statue of Alexander the Great because he felt that he hadn’t accomplished anything in life?

  104. At some point, I really do need to pay the electric bill…but I’ll probably wait until they shut off our lights, and then have an excuse to go to Panera with my laptop. Here’s to responsible adulting!

    (just like with most good words, spellcheck doesn’t seem to think “adulting” is a real word. Of course, it doesn’t thing spellcheck is a word either, so what does it know?)

  105. Also, go watch Spaceballs.

    “When will then be now?” “Soon.”

    That’ll cheer anyone up.

  106. Oh, and…
    8. Start a journal/blog (years)
    9. Start dating again (2 years)
    10. Resume daily walking and exercise (4 months)

  107. Oh, crap, #67–I keep forgetting to Christmas shop for the other relatives. Out of sight, out of mind? This is not good…

  108. my house was robbed recently and i was supposed to finish filling out the police report with a list of the items that were taken. including my grandmothers wedding ring. I still haven’t done it. its been weeks. Ill do it SOON.

  109. My son is due in April, I have yet to clean out the two rooms upstairs to move big sister up there, therefore can not do anything to his room. I should probably get on that…..soon.

  110. Toooootally should have cleaned my house, done laundry, and actually gotten a good nights sleep. but, ya know…alcohol…and stuff.

  111. Had a whole week off due to new year’s and snow–do you think I took my Christmas decorations down?

    No.

    It’s like my Christmas tree is mocking me every time I come home…..

  112. Ah, let’s see…

    I’ll have my home inventory done soon. Also, I’ll soon be done sorting through 2 boxes of photos. In the meantime I’ll soon I’ll lose that final 20#. At the same time I’ll train Seymour to stop biting. And, pretty soon I’ll figure out where to move and do so instead of wasting another day here.

    Hope that helps.

  113. I haven’t taken the Christmas tree or put away any of the Christmas decorations yet. I have a vanity that I started to refurbish about six months ago. I’ve gotten as far as taking the drawers and doors off and that’s it.

  114. I’ve finished my first book but keep putting off writing the synopsis and putting publishing packets together.

  115. I am going to take my Christmas tree down soon.
    I’m going to hang the hummingbird feeder I bought last year soon (well, once we don’t have snow and sub zero weather anymore).
    I’m going to finish unpacking from moving over 3 years ago soon.

    From that list you would think I never get anything done.

  116. Fitness and healthier eating. Been putting that off my entire life. I’m 47 years in. Did I win?

  117. Soon – working on the five stories I’ve started but can’t really be bothered with continuing.

    Soon – making a cake.

    Soon – writing those articles I’m meant to write.

    Soon. Soon. Soon.

  118. I have had the paint for our bedroom for 3 months. We have been in the house for over a year and a half and that has been the “I’ll do it soon” project since we closed.

  119. Christmas decorations should probably come down, unpack vacation suitcases, start yoga, get new glasses that are actually my prescription, finish making Christmas presents…how long can comments be? I could do this all day.

  120. Soon, I will figure out what I actually want to do with my life, and soon after that, I hopefully will scrounge up the courage to go do it.

    Husband has been “working on” his dissertation for 10 years. I believe that also will be finished soon. The family that procrastinates together…. Um, is awesome? Or something like that.

  121. I’ve been divorced since late 2007, and I still haven’t changed the beneficiary on my old 401k. My ex-husband is still listed. :-/

  122. I should have already followed up with my nursing school application and I should have sent in my other application… I’ll get to it soon.

  123. I just need to clean my house again, and maybe organize all the stuff I started to organize a few years ago, and put away Christmas decorations (last year, I took the tree down during the summer months, and it was like, “Christmas again, I swear I just took that tree down, oh wait, I did” and yes we put some hearts on it for Valentines day). I could go on and on to make you feel better, but I’ll leave it at… I also need to shower, which I will do soon.

    Why do I have a feeling writing a second book is harder than writing the first?

  124. My daughter asked me to write her a book. I duly wrote 30,000 words of a book about a magic harp crafted from the tree of the world that opens bridges between the worlds. Hard work done, I just haven’t got round to going back through it, proof-reading, editing, tidying, etc. What’s wrong with me?

  125. We started packing to prepare for moving to a new house. Had a friend come over from England to help. Got lots done. Then she went home. That was in Sept. Now she’s coming back, so we need to make it look like we’ve been packing all this time. Soon. And maybe we’ll even find an originator that will overlook my had-typed, artisanal paystubs and loan us the money for the house we want. Soon.

  126. Someday soon I’m going to get enough courage to knock on that stranger’s door and ask if I can take a picture of the Beyonce they have in a corner of their back yard. Soon.

  127. I got back in bed after getting the kids on the bus at 7:30. I’m reading your post from the same spot at 11:36am. Don’t worry. I’ll get up soon.

  128. Soon….I will go through the totes of clothes in my room and get rid of the clothes that are too small for my children

    Soon….I will stop playing on the internet while at work and try to find something to actually occupy my time that I *should* get paid to do

    Soon….I will rehang the medicine cabinet that fell off the wall in the bathroom and hope that it stays for another couple years like last time

    Soon….I will run out of things to do “soon”

    But soon….I hope to be making Jenny feel better about her own procrastination!

  129. I have been at work for 2.5 hours. Between field tripping with a new employee to get her badge and then trying to re-park at our building, then trekking across campus with some colleagues for breakfast, I’ve done…little to no work in that time. Since I got BACK to my desk I’ve been….thinking of all the things I need to do…soon. So don’t feel bad.

  130. Soon I will enter the grades from the paper grade book into the computer! until then I will try not to lose the grade book again!

  131. When I was younger, I used to use the phrase”when I get around to it’. Then some BAMF made them. GRRRR!
    https://www.google.ca/search?q=a+round+tuit&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&gws_rd=cr&ei=Os7OUu3tKMm62AWT_YCYDA I am the proud owner of 3 of them…one from the hubby, my mother and brother.

    So, now, I say “SOON” too. And hope that no one gets smart and spoils that or I will get real stabby. “Whenever” is my backup phrase.

  132. What shouldn’t I have already done in the land of Soon?

    Clean? I’ll get to it soon.

    Yardwork? Soon!

    Deal with all the boxes of Stuff? Soon! Really, I’ll deal with it any day now.

  133. I need to call the insurance company to check that they have all of our genders right. It’s a weird thing to have to do, weirder that I’m putting off doing it since it should take like 5 minutes max.

  134. We moved to a new state 3 months ago. You’re supposed to register your vehicle within 30 days of moving here, but, you need an emissions test. There is a garage 10 min away that will do it in under an hour. I will get it done soon.

  135. I should be writing a paper on Pride and Prejudice for a conference in February. I should also be applying to PhD programs (deadlines rushing at me at an alarming pace – kind of like the T-Rex in Jurassic Park). I should also be writing a paper on young adult representations of Jane Austen that’s due on Feb 1.

    Instead, I’m reading Gail Carriger and deciding whether or not I want to read the rest of the Divergent series.

    Priorities. We have them. They maybe just aren’t in the order that other people wish they were.

  136. I’ve been avoiding the dentist for about 4 years now. I will be making an appointment…soon.

  137. Cleaning my house. My husband is out of the country for a couple of weeks, and I was going to get so much done while he was gone, but then we had this cold snap, which required me to haul firewood and keep the wood stove lit and spend the rest of my time cuddled up on the couch in a quilt… it’s complicated. Besides, these Kindle books aren’t going to read themselves!

  138. this is the year that im finally supposed to be either trying to sell my house, or getting a job to continue affording said stupid house. but i haven’t worked in 5 years (long dead mother story) so im not too keen on it, so Sell House. but that requires ‘fixes’ and ‘touch ups’ and ‘packing’ and several meltdowns (you know…you’ve sold houses before) So yeah…i will start the process of getting this place on the market…soon 😛

  139. I am on my 4th knitting project. The first 3 were never finished. This one is half done. It was half done 2 months ago when I stopped working on it.

  140. I think it will be quicker to list what I don’t plan to do “soon”…

    Yep, that’s pretty much it.

  141. I had a wonderful math teacher at Jerusalem Avenue Junior High, Mr. Cohen, who would, at an unexpected time, put TODAY IS SOON on the blackboard. We would all turn our chairs around, and we would do “backward maths.”

    I find myself wishing for SOON every of often….and think a backward day would benefit us all!

  142. I haven’t yet managed to 1) read over materials so I can get an editing quote out, 2) returned a friend’s phone call, 3) worked on the 1st draft of the second book, or 4) paid the vet bill and set up for the next vet appointment for my dog who is putting me into the poor house and thus requiring the completing of 1, 2, and 3.

  143. There is a bag of groceries sitting on my kitchen floor. It has been there a week (I did take the frozen stuff out at least). I will empty it. Soon.

    Also I have a reporting deadline tomorrow. Which is soon. But not quite soon enough to stop looking on here and finish the work…

  144. I was going to do stuff for someone’s website ‘soon’. It took me two years…finally did it yesterday. Feel so accomplished, might do other things soon. (read in a year or two)

  145. I ordered our Christmas cards around Halloween. I still haven’t written the annual letter to go with them so they still haven’t been mailed. I’m sure it will get done soon.

  146. I’ve been meaning to start a morning exercise routine. Every morning my alarm goes off. Every morning I hit snooze. For 6 MONTHS! I will start a morning workout routine. Soon.

  147. i need to get my ’09 taxes to my acountant. he’s having relationship problems that he thinks might kill him. i said he can’t die becos i have 4-5 years of taxes for him to do….soon!

  148. To be finished soon:

    Laundry – to be washed from last week and to be put away from two weeks ago (thank goodness I have lots of yoga pants, but I’m running out…)
    Painting – Started a working on a painting over 1.5 years…it’ll be done soon…
    Writing – Started 3 novels off and on for the past 5 years….to be honest I don’t know that they’ll be done soon, but I keep telling myself it’ll be soon.
    Video Game – I started a couple games last summer…they’ll be finished soon. But I started a third game and that one will probably be finished before the other two.

  149. I’ve had a whole free-wheelin’ week off work. The only goals I set for myself were to finish painting the room (only 3 small walls) and hang the curtains.

    Nothing done but HOURS of Vegas solitaire.

    What’s worse is I don’t feel too bad about this.

  150. I’ve been working on my FIRST book for 4 years. And I called in sick today to work. Loser! But I will become awesome. Soon.

  151. It’s my wedding reception in 6 weeks. We just got the invitations out yesterday. I don’t know if subconciously I just don’t want to have to pay for that many chicken dinners…

  152. Soon? Oh…yeah.
    Soon I will:
    Finish my cookbook project
    Write another blog post instead of just reading others
    Catch up the laundry from the holidays, with a dryer that only HALF works
    Finish our taxes
    Finish both sweaters I’m working, and that cross stitch
    Sort out two rooms of OMIGOSH WHAT IS THIS, A STORAGE UNIT?

    Before spring. Because after spring, the list gets way longer.

    Well. I guess I BETTER GO NOW. 😛

  153. I’m going to stop smoking. Soon. At least putting off your book isn’t slowly poisoning you! That should make you feel better!

  154. In sad things-I-didn’t-finish news, last month I was sorting through my sewing fabric and found the pinned-together pieces for a coat for my good friend’s dog. Who died in September. So I sat and cried for a bit. Then hugged my own two as long as they’d allow it.

    In sillier-things-I-haven’t-done-yet news, I’m still in my house robe and it’s a quarter to 12N. It’s been a lazy week, what can I say.

  155. For me there are many soons that never come, stop watching netflix, clean the kitchen, go to the bank, and get this darling sleeping kitten off my lap. The last one might be the reason the other ones don’t get done.

  156. I promised to make a photo book of my husband’s Aunt’s 75th surprise birthday party. I got the CD of photos in July. I had planned on giving it to her for Christmas. It’s still not done and I gotta say, I don’t want to do it. It’s driving me insane.

  157. For the last year and a half I’ve been lucky enough to be able to concentrate solely on my writing, especially a fantasy adventure novel that’s been in the works since 2010. It’s only about half way done now, which is with lots of work in the last year and a half, but not enough. Every day that I don’t work on it, every time someone asks me about when it will be done, I say “soon.”

  158. Ummm.. I should have called my hair stylist to get the pink redone in my hair. I should have done laundry last night (but I got sidetracked with ART! THE CREATIVES GOT ME!!!) and oh, there’s a bajillion things I should have or should be doing. I just don’t wanna.

  159. We’ve put off everything when it comes to the house until it HAS to be done. Looking back at the previous to-do lists I create each year for my blog make me cringe, and each year, I end up repeating myself. A lot. I have so many readers patiently waiting to see the full frontal of my house. They’ve been waiting for over four years now, but at least they get bits and pieces? -sigh-

  160. I’ve been piling up stuff to be filed in a bin on my desk for about 4 years now. I love the idea of being organized, I’m just not organized enough to sactually become….well you get the picture.

  161. Procrastinators of the world, Unite! You have nothing to lose but your time!
    Srsly, dude, I should be doing a gazillion things right now. Like photographing vintage clothing to sell online, instead of letting it sit in a pile. Like figuring out WTF I’m gonna do with all this stuff that has to be cleared out so that we can sell this house and I can move to the other side of the world. I lost my job in November and still haven’t made it to the unemployment office. But here I am, checking out Facebook, playing solitaire(a “meditative exercise” ! Ha! )and commenting on your blog. I am a good person, and so are you, and that’s all that really matters! xo

  162. I haven’t blogged in months. Soon – I think this change in my meds might let it happen.
    I haven’t cleaned my bathroom since last year. Which makes it sound like maybe I haven’t cleaned it for 2 weeks, but I assure you that would be tolerable and I wouldn’t feel the need to confess it. “Last year” obscures how dreadfully long it’s been. Soon, I swear. I may have to invite people to my house in order make me do it, but I will if it comes to it.
    I haven’t done my laundry and I’m running out of clean underwear. I don’t think I can even put that off to Soon anymore.
    And I will most definitely take down that damn tree sooner rather than later.

  163. I still haven’t forgiven my father for killing himself 12 years ago. Past time to let that one go. That’s my resolution for 2014.

  164. I need to fix that thing in the attic, and was waiting for summer to end so it would be so damn hot. Pretty soon it should cool off, right?

  165. Huh. Well….

    There’s just so many things, it’s hard to choose only one. How about the amazing jacket I’ve been crocheting for my mother for more than 16 years?

    It’s a really easy stitch that looks really cool, but because I’m using a very thin yarn combined with a very fat and fuzzy yarn, pulling out 6 inches worth of work on the back panel after discovering that it has mysteriously tapered in and then out requires magnifying glasses, a sharp and tiny pair of scissors (to cut the fuzzy tendrils of the fat yarn that are clinging to the thin yarn, without severing either the thin yarn or the fat yarn), and a huge chunk of time. I already did it once — on a long road trip. Then merrily resumed crocheting, only to then discover that I had done the same damn thing again!

    That was a couple years ago. Mom’s 68 now and healthy. It would make a really nice gift for a centennial birthday….

  166. I can’t believe I made a typo in my first post here. If I were more organized, I would have spell-checked.

  167. I was just thinking last night, “If I had as much determination to write my book as I did to get up and make this milkshake I’d have a book out by now.”

    The milkshake was delicious! Good luck on the 2nd one!

  168. I am going to get my new drivers license soon. My old one is from Illinois. I moved to Wisconsin over Labor Day. I believe 30 days is the requirement for us out-of-staters to update our licenses. My husband got his immediately. And he keeps asking when I’m going to get mine. Soon. Definitely soon.

  169. I have an ornament that I started cross-stitching as a gift back in 1991, my senior year in high school. I’mg going to finish it soon.

    I’m also going to work on my book that I’m writing… soon… once I get over my fear that, if it’s published, people won’t like me.

  170. What I’m doing right now: just paused the newest episode of American horror story (with Stevie Nicks!!!!)

    Things to do soon as in I should have done already:

    -figure out how to maintain my dance classes even with my trainings for work being on all the days (or accepted that I have to take the season off because that’s realistic)
    -put away last nights laundry. It made it from the basement to my bedroom but not the dresser or closet
    -tell the cats I love them. (Wait I just checked that off)
    -send a writing sample to twloha because they are looking for guest bloggers
    -finish my coffee
    -and a bajillion things like see if grad school is a financial option, start my taxes, order stuff from amazon, get a pet jellyfish, pee, pick out clothes for work tomorrow, roll some change, put that in the bank, put a topcoat on my nails so they don’t get messed up……..

  171. My husband was actually asking me the other day of you had a new book coming out. I think he’s trolling for birthday present ideas. Can’t wait to give him the definitive update of “Soon!”. I will try to keep having birthdays to accommodate your time frame.

  172. Well, I have been trying to quit smoking on and off for 6 months. I have been trying to get my life together, ya know…finish my degree, pay off my debts, forget about a guy I have been in love with for a year…it’s gonna happen..,soon

  173. Things I’m procrastinating on: writing this stupid, long report for work; cleaning my house; sending out my New Years cards; turning in tax forms to my loan company. I don’t know why knitting and reading is more pressing than all those other matters…

  174. I should have completed and application to take an exam, taken the exam and recertified if I’d finished it 3 years ago, but I’m still on step 1 – Complete application.

  175. Well, I managed to sabotage myself by not filing a Maximum Time Frame Financial Aid Appeal. Those countless credit hours I accumulated 15 years ago in a failed attempt to complete a music degree don’t contribute in any meaningful way to the engineering degree I’m now working on, but they do count against me in applying for FA to pay for engineering school. There was a work around, but it involved writing a two-paragraph essay about why they should still let me have money, so I never filled it out. So my Spring 2014 student loan got rescinded and my classes got dropped, and now I have to try to pay for a couple of classes out of pocket, when I was supposed to be saving all my money this semester to pay for subsequent semesters.

    Hopefully I can bring myself to actually take care of it soon, because I will never be able to finish this thing if I can’t pay for it, and there’s just no way I can do it all on my own.

  176. I still haven’t finished my thank you notes for a beautiful and generous work baby shower. My twins turned one yesterday!

  177. Vacuuming…… soon…..after I reread your book…..and …this other book…but first your book…

  178. This is so obviously a procrastination post. I’m on to you 😉

    I’m getting a hip replacement soon. I’ve put it off long enough and tried so many ways to avoid it. Soon better fucking come cuz I can’t live like this anymore!

  179. I just had three days off for the snow, and I was like “I’ll get up and start cleaning… soon.” Never happened. But I did watch all of Season 1 of Raising Hope, so it’s not like I did nothing. *sob*

  180. I should have cleaned the attic and done something with the hundreds of books and piles of clothes I will never fit into again, instead of curling on the couch with a book or playing stupid games on my computer.

    Don’t feel bad, Jenny. You’re awesome!

  181. When we bought a new car in July, my husband wanted a stick shift. I will learn how to drive it… soon.

  182. I’m reading your post on “soon” instead of doing the work I should have finished by the end of November. But I’ll get back to it soon,.

  183. I actually just bought your first book for my mom. I’d read her pieces of it before, and wanted to let her borrow my copy, but didn’t want it to come back smelling like smoke.

    I also have a challenge finishing things. I start blog posts while i’m at work with the intention of finishing them on my lunch break or after work. I have published 76 posts in 4 years, have 25 drafts that I haven’t yet deleted, and have deleted countless more-or-less half written posts. I feel your pain!

  184. I’m going to finish unpacking the boxes in the front bedroom. Soon. We moved into our house in April and I feel like I’ll never be done.

  185. Soon I’m going to take a nap. Soon, very (yawn) soon. Oh, look at the time, lunch break. Taking nap NOW!!!! And that’s how you make things happen.

  186. That blog I was going to start when I was 25 (7 years ago) yup that’ll happen…soon. Oh and I mustn’t forget about the novel I started writing when I was 16, got to finish that soon. And I have sworn a solemn oath that I will organize my craft space…soon.

  187. Oh, I so feel you. Everything is going to be done “soon.” I NEED to get some more writing finished, get this novel birthed and finally out in the world.

    But as soon as I sit down to write, it’s all…SQUIRREL! Something SHINY!

    OOOOO! SHINY SQUIRREL!

  188. I’ve been wearing patched jeans and bras that squeak for over a month now. I should go buy new clothes but going to the city makes me nervous so I’ll just be gross instead.
    PS: I got your old book for Christmas this year..so your “busy selling my old book” excuse works.

  189. My living room walls have been bare since 2006. I bought lots of art in 2011 and 2012. I even bought some frames. I paid to have one print professionally framed. I’m still staring at the paper outlines of three of those frames that I taped on the wall for spacing in 2012. I call it minimalist art. Some day…

  190. soon: I will actually do work at work.
    soon: I will clean my house and donate all my kids crap to charity (it’s nice crap)
    soon: I will start working out (I am on weight watchers so it’s not like I’m not doing anything)
    soon: I will pay the dentist and library before I get sent to collections.

  191. Where do I start? Resumes, house cleaning, projects that have been piled in corners for years…
    I’ll get to them, *soon,* right after I finish reading your book for the umpteenth time.

  192. I kept telling myself I’d move out of Utah soon. 22 years later, I’m still here. If you can get your book published in less than 22 years, you’re doing good.

  193. I need to get my thesis done soon! IE, its due in an hour (the thirty page monster) and I still don’t have a conclusion.

  194. “Soon” is one of those words that, like “maybe”, doesn’t really mean anything. You’ll get around to it. Maybe, soon. Beyonce does things maybe a little bit sooner than the rest of us, but she’s Bey. She is not of this world.

  195. I should put away all the Christmas stuff already, and clean the bathrooms. I should also resume querying agents, and maybe write some new stuff. But I’m sure it’ll get done soon…as SOON as my baby stops this clingy teething bullshit and lets me get on with things that don’t involve her poor little gums. Aw, I can’t even be mad. She’s too pitiful and cute.

  196. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” ~Douglas Adams

    I’m reading your blog and again getting sucked into Pinterest instead of 1) working on my novel, 2) studying for the California Bar Exam, and 3) applying for jobs.

    You are not alone. Just enjoy the whooshing noise. 😉

  197. I started stripping wallpaper from our breakfast room and kitchen when I was on maternity leave. She’s almost 5 now and it’s still not done. It’s now a mix of obnoxious turquoise wallpaper, hideous turquoise drywall, and white paper scraps that won’t come off. It’s lovely.

    And I will continue to re-read your book until “soon” comes.

  198. My mother died in April and I have to finish cleaning out her closets and stuff. I keep saying in going to get to it soon, but it still hasn’t happened.

  199. My annual mammogram was WAAAYYYY overdue. I used to get it done every year in June, but after I had breast reduction surgery, the surgeon told me to skip a year, so I did. This was back in 2007. I finally got around to remembering that I was only supposed to skip ONE YEAR, so back in October, which was Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I called to make an appointment. I really only called then because one of our local clinics was only charging $69 for the whole mammy pics process. Since I didn’t have health insurance (still don’t) I figured it was a good deal for $69. The exam was done on the very last day of October. Luckily my results were negative and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. When it finally got done I felt so much better.

    When your next book gets done, you will feel SO much better, too! So, how’s about you knock out 10 pages today? Then it will be 10 pages closer to finished. Baby steps, baby steps….

  200. Christmas cards, which are now Christmas/New years cards. Better than last year’s Christma-New-tines gifts, which is what my family got last year.

  201. We moved a few months ago and I still haven’t put in ceiling fans. or the curtains in our room that would block out that train noise.

    Oh, and someone mentioned a lace shawl they’ve been working on for 4 years? I have a ‘placemat’ that I began knitting maybe 20 years ago.

    And a library card. I need to get one of those so I can start reading books again.

  202. Send out Christmas thank you cards. Or Christmas cards. Or thank you cards for my daughter’s birthday…her birthday is in June. I’m why the USPS is suffering.

  203. You are so wonderful for inviting me to tell you my procrastination a! Right now I’m watching What Not To Wear and on Facebook, when technically should be:
    Taking down my Christmas tree
    Quilting 2 quilts, one which is over a month overdue
    Calling my retirement funds provider for my husband
    Taking a shower!
    Making my bed (I went back to bed this morning after my hubby went to work)
    Putting regular clothes on

    In my own defense, I have had the flu. But I also never really feel wonderful so that’s really no excuse.

    Thanks,

    Another depression victim

  204. Write wedding gift thank-you notes (it’s been a year and a half); unpack (ditto); put last year’s annual plants in the compost bin (2 months); fold laundry (at least 2 months, but we’ve adopted your method of keeping the clean laundry on the guest room bed, so that’s almost as good, except when we need a pair of socks).

  205. Things I am doing “soon”:
    1. My work related weekly business report that was due Monday (It’s Thursday).
    2. My performance evaluation for work (It’s due at the end of this month).
    3. Work on my own writing (this has its very own list of tasks that aren’t getting done).
    4. Fix my leaky basement (this just requires a few phone calls, a few estimates, and paying for it, but I can’t seem to get it done).
    5. Finish any one of the 5+ crochet projects I have underway.
    6. Pay my utility bills (I’ve moved them around the desk).
    7. Meet a whole list of people for lunch/dinner/coffee/etc. (to be fair, they aren’t knocking down my door either).
    8. Finish this list…

  206. Soon, soon, soon… there are so many things I should be doing, that I’m just sitting on my couch on the internet avoiding eye contact with soon.

    Like all my kids toys that are strewn across the floor that need picked up (he’s still playing with them, so it’s okay to leave them right? ha) or the bills I should call in and pay…

    I should start writing again, I haven’t written in years now, other than on my blog. But my well is dry and I’m waiting for my emotional reserves to refill it. They’re taking their sweet time.

  207. Soon is my favorite time!

    I know there’s something I’m supposed to do today, but I can’t even remember what it is. Therefore, I don’t need to bother putting a timeframe on it. 🙂

  208. I have transferred the same pile of clean clothes from surface to surface in my apartment for 3 days, based on where I want to sit or sleep. From chair, to bed, back to chair, and so on. The pile is staring at me right now, with a disappointed expression. I will fold and put away the clean clothes. Soon.

  209. I feel like I have finally found a category where I may just be a master! The people who are horrified with themselves at still having Christmas decorations up? Please- amateurs! My kids are already planning for how to decorate the Christmas tree for every holdiay of the year since they know damn well it takes months for me to relinquish thepretty and put it away. To be fair, the tree usuallydoesn’t actually get put up until the week of Christmas (sometimes not until Christmas Eve) so I can’t just put it away in January-DUH! But maybe soon….

  210. I have a MOUNTAIN of clean laundry spilling over two laundry baskets waiting to be folded and put away. I’ve had this pile waiting for about 6 months. I’ll fold it soon.

  211. I was going to take my family to get the flu shot…soon. My kid was sick the whole week of Christmas, so when he got better we were still going to go soon. Then husband spent a week sick. Now my kid has another flu and has had on and off fevers since Saturday. But I’ll take him in…soon. If I’m going to be the worst mother in the world, I might as well really commit to it, right?

  212. I should get my 2.25 year old out of my bed/bedroom/his pack n play. He’s ridiculously large for the pack n play, but my husband refused to believe that I would keep the “baby” in our room for so long, so he never moved the crib in there. Now, it’s just silly. We have a big bed for him, but I’m so scared of something horrible happening and then I can’t get to him. Our kitchen is in between our rooms — you just never know! I’m so tempted to set up the big boy bed in our room, but I think that would ensure that my husband would leave me.

  213. OMGosh, I would SO love to buy your book for my mother. SOON. But if she read it should would probably have a heart failure, SOON! Then I would have to hear about how she didn’t raise me to use language like that or to read books of humor, she herself lacking it. Wait… If she has a heart failure maybe I never have to hear about all the things she thinks I should have done SOON again!!! This is a win/win!!!

  214. My mom doesn’t like to celebrate her birthday, but I DID buy your book for her for Christmas! She loves it, of course. 🙂

  215. I am really bad about offering to sew things for people for whatever occasion… but then I find a book to read and forget to sew and well… Yeah, I just found the one I started for my nephew before he was due and he’s already 3 now… But soon.. 🙂

  216. I should’ve applied for my daughters passport by now, she’s going to Spain in the spring. The trip is already paid for so I should probably get on that SOON.

  217. SOON I will call about going in to get follow up blood work done (was due last month), take one of my cats in for his yearly shots/checkup (due last month), go to the dentist (due honestly I don’t remember when but it’s been way too long but at least my teeth haven’t started falling out or anything–yet) and lose that stupid 15 lbs. that’s been annoying me since I gained it eight years ago.

  218. I should have actually written a story based on my waiting to find out whether I was terminal last winter.

    I also should have showered and done laundry already today, buuuuuuut….I haven’t. I’ll get there.

  219. I’ve lived in my apartment for nearly six months now and I still haven’t hung the (purchased!) blinds in two of the bedrooms.

  220. Our baby is due in less than 8 weeks and we haven’t even started thinking about names yet. I did buy some diapers though. So that’s progress, right? LOL

  221. A. Your last book hasn’t been out for a year, and B. it took you 11 years to finish. I think you are doing just fine right now. Go tell you editor that one…

  222. Soon, I need to unhook my husband from his antibiotic IV drip, but am busy being distracted by reading your old book……. and blog. It is at least turned off.

    Also have been meaning to fax some paperwork, soon…… for 6 weeks.

    Soon, I’ve been meaning to cook a meal instead of yoyo meals (no, I’m not feeding my family plate fulls of Duncan’s…. although it would probably help tie my kids mouths shut. Yoyo= you’re on your own. Which may or may not be better than an actual yoyo, depending on their selection)

  223. I have purchased 3 of your books this year because every time one is delivered my daughter takes it to read and then misplaces it. Some day, soon, she will clean her room and I will have enough books to give out to friends for Christmas.

  224. I’ve had a washer and dryer for a year and a half that I have not hooked up. I still drag my laundry to the laundromat. A year and a half.

  225. I took a voluntary course for my job. It is totally free. I’ve had 5 months. It’s due next month. I haven’t even started. But to be fair, I’ve been busy.

  226. I have a pipe to my bathroom sink that has been leaking for at least 10 years. At first there was a little rusty spot on my basement floor, then a rusty, damp spot, now it needs a bucket. I will fix it soon. After all, water is necessary to live, so every day I don’t fix it, I’m killing AIDS orphans all over the world. Maybe I’ll fix it today, but later. Soon…

  227. Unpack (from my move a year ago), sort through toys that need to be donated, paint the cabinets, fix the floor in the bathroom, clean up dog shit, hire a welder to install an iron fence. Soon, I promise.

  228. I need to read a book. Soon. Maybe I forgot how to read? How can I be THIS “busy”? (I even joined a booklub, but only because they changed the club to “Wine with Books”, because all I really read are wine labels – and think disco balls should be part of all clubs. Seriously – The Knights of Columbus have one, why not at a booklub? We had a gift exchange at booklub during the holidays. Oh… I didn’t read the book we were supposed to discuss for that meeting either.) I received the audiobook of “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.” HOLY SHIT!!! I’ve wanted to read your book for so long! Do people know audiobooks are THIS awesome? But your audiobook is the MOTHER FOXY-IST! Thank you for making me pullover because I was laughing, crying, and taking shots every time DJ Vagina spun a re-re-repeat of va-va-vagina. Looking forward to listening to your next kick-ass-ness, even if you don’t want to work on it today. I know it will be great, just because…I believe it and it is true. And you don’t make my brain hurt. And I’m that friend to my friends that helps hide the body. So I will be sharing your audiobook. What body?

  229. i keep meaning to make a blog for my photography. well, i did, but there’s only one picture on it. i also keep meaning to finish editing these photos from a wedding i shot 1.5 weeks ago. i also keep meaning to write. and i keep meaning to finish chookaloonks’s path finder course. i keep meaning to get some acupuncture for my neck. i keep meaning to clean out the files on my computer. i meant to write something about how i feel like sally from when harry met sally (that part where she finds out her boyfriend got married right after they broke up, so it wasn’t that he wasn’t ready for marriage, it’s that he didn’t want to marry her. that’s how i feel with my mother. it’s not that she can’t try to be a good mother – it’s just that she can’t be a good mother to me.). i also keep meaning to sew ipad cases for the nerdlings. these are all the things i’m not doing right now. so, no, you’re not alone. and you may not be writing right this very minute, but you’re still not not doing as many things as i’m not doing right now. so you’re good!

  230. I joined the gym 18 months ago and decided I’d start going daily “soon”. I’ve been in the gym 5 times. Total.

    Also, my garage is over half full of boxes from our move in 2010. And 2006. And also 2004. I can’t just throw them out because somewhere in there are our heirloom Christmas stockings, my wedding dress, a ziplock bag with all our 20 year collection of Ikea nuts & bolts, and a hard drive which my husband assures me has several Bitcoins on it…

  231. I promised my son he could have his first flying lesson if he got all As and Bs the first 2 six weeks of school. Pretty soon I’ll see about scheduling that cause the Groupon expired 2 months ago.

    And soon I will get out of bed every morning and get something done without the depression overwhelming me. I guess I need to call the referral to the new psychiatrist soon, huh?

  232. I started painting my bathroom on Labor Day. I’m getting used to the primer/cut-in color look and hardly even notice it now.

  233. I’ve been “working” on my master’s thesis for nearly two years and I’m still not finished. People ask me when I’ll be done and I tell them “soon.” I’ve been saying that for a year. So, yeah, you’re not alone.

  234. I will return the movies that were due over a week ago to the video store…soon. It’s not like I work next door or anything. It’s not like it would have been cheaper to buy the movies at this point. It’s not like they’ve left me two messages about returning them.

    Hey, they made it from inside my house to my car two day ago! It’s progress!

    Soon.

  235. I have two journal articles that were supposed to be done in Dec 2013. They will be done…soon (which I will explain to my boss tomorrow when he wants to know what I did this fall).

  236. Sigh. I’ve already purchased several copies, but I’m here for you. The cats are already envious that they are not Hunter S. Tomcat (I’m not sure why), but I’m sure they could use another copy. I haven’t made a phone call to my mom to discuss the weather. This is a daily occurence in Michigan.
    Go write.

  237. I’m 21, almost 22 and still don’t have my license. In my defense I keep moving to different states so I keep not seeing the point in getting a license in THIS state if I’m just moving to THAT state where the road test is far easier, blah blah. A measly defense, I know. I’m super crappy for not just doing it and always having an excuse.

    I also have been putting off writing, so that’s super great as well.

  238. Well last night we finally did two things that should have been done a l-o-n-g time ago.
    1) Replaced the bag in the vacuum cleaner – it was so full there was absolutely no suction and dirt was backed up into the hose. Seriously, what did my husband think he was doing with it all these weeks?? That bag was as heavy as a 3 month old baby!

    2) Replaced the water heater (notice I stopped short of calling it the Hot water heater – who heats hot water?) anyway, the old one has had a slow leak for well over a year. It did survive a flood of 5′ of water that backed up in the basement 3 years ago so it was hard to let it go. Well after a cold shower cuz the drip put out the pilot it was clear it was time to make the cut. A moment of silence please.

  239. Basicly it is easier for me to list the things I have done. The list of things I should have done but haven’t is much too extensive. Let’s see… I have gone to work every day. I have gotten most of the bills paid on time. ummm…. I think that’s about all I have. Besides your book. I have your book. I would order more but I have a lot of books already and I want to make sure I have room for your new one, you know, the one that will be done soon. I also have 2 “people to kill” notebooks, one for each of my children. you know, for their school work. I am just that kinda caring mom. Can I just make monetary donations? I already have a lot of stuff come to think of it…

  240. Every day I wake up and tell myself, “I’m going to kick today’s ass.” But I usually end up jacking around on social media and daydreaming. I’m going to do better, be better. Soon.

  241. First of all, I bought your book on Monday. And really you should thank the Polar Vortex (which I think is a really dramatic name for a cold snap) but since it was -45 in Wisconsin, I went to the mall. Which I never don and I bought your book. And my 10 year old said, “That book looks funny. I can tell by it’s cover. I bet you’ll like it, Mom.” I bet I will.
    Also, I have been putting off finishing this application that I have been working in. Basically it’s done. I just haven’t sent it. I will though. Soon. Totally.

  242. Here’s my “I’ll do it soon” claim. For the past several summers, while we’ve had summer break from homeschooling, I’ve said I would get out my proposal for a book series I plan to write. I keep getting a little bit closer, and each summer, I do a small amount of work on it, but it just never happens. And life goes on. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just do a little bit at a time, keep momentum going, and you’ll eventually get there. =)

  243. I have wanted to organize my house and prepare for hopefully selling it in the near future. I have wanted to do this for 4 years. I live with an occasional hoarder. He makes it very difficult.

  244. I want to “decorate” the front room. I have purchased things here and there and don’t know what to do with them. I did go so far as make paper templates of the things and stuck them on the walls all side by side. But then I had to take them down because it was Christmas time. Now I have Christmas to take down, paper templates AND real decorations to deal with, soon….

  245. I really should finish the cross-stitched Christmas stocking I started for my son when he was born….29 years ago! And maybe I should start one for his younger brother and sisters ages 26 and 21… soon!

  246. Oh, and also begin the arduous task of getting back into shape.

    I’ve been saying “tomorrow’ for the last 3 years. 🙁

  247. the true meaning of soon in my oddly functioning world is maybe I will get to it between now and the 12th of never. My list is ever growing. been engaged to a wonderful man who accepts my quirks and complete mental issues and breakdowns with humor and support. have we discussed anything concrete about the wedding. no not one single utterance. clear out all the crap I don’t need to make the move to texas, maybe that can be accomplished around the time we seriously discuss anything wedding related. get doggie downers to get my water phobic dog into the groomer so he doesn’t create chaos and a mini apocalypse, that is just to much to do. involves two phone calls and a drive. screw it it will come when it comes. sheesh just thinking bout this just raises more anxiety. I am going to hide in a blankie fort until the magic fairy that does all this stuff for me appears

  248. I have been promising my daughter that I would paint her room soon…when she moved away for college 8 years ago! When she came home for Christmas and called me on the unpainted walls, she told me not to say “soon”. Good thing I love her…..

  249. Soon I will…decide whether or not I can/should/want to interact with my toxic family, decide whether or not I want to stay in and fight for my marriage, decide whether I want to leave my current job and find another, and learn how to say “no” instead of being a people-pleaser. Soon. Really. You bet.

  250. Several years ago we had an earthquake and the shelves in my office closet collapsed. I pulled a few things out that I needed and closed the doors. The piles of rubble still include art supplies (which I’ve bought a new stash) and scrap files (which I’ve gone without the inspiration). It’s been so many years, that I’m not quite certain what’s even in there. Every time I walk in here I look at it and sigh… and feel shitty. Then I turn my back and sit down at my desk and work.

    Yes, I suck. And it helps to know I’m not alone here. And it also makes me feel better to know that I’m a contender… I could actually *win* something. Even if it is an “I suck more than you” award. Yay me.

    You’ll get there. I know it. Hunter S. Tomcat knows it.
    xo

  251. I moved into my house 15 years ago. At that time, it was my then-boyfriend, now-husband and I combining households, so, naturally, there were doubles or extra of some things. I had this awesome glasses I’d bought only a few months before that went into a box and was stored under the basement stairs. Fifteen years later, IT’S STILL THERE. And now I’m afraid to not only pull out all the crap that’s been stored in front of the box like a giant, life-size game of Tetris, but also I know that a colony of terrifying spiders has probably set up house under said stairs. I think the only way I’m ever going to get those glasses is by donning a hazmat suit and using a flamethrower. And I swore I was going to dig them out on one of the Fridays I had off during November and December. That’s just the latest thing; I could recite a list by year going back decades (my motto at 16 was “Never put off until tomorrow what your mother can do for you today.”). I have a PhD in procrastination.

  252. I “should” have finished work that was due in December…for you know…work…but that would be like…efficient and I see it as a benefit if i finish checking a document that should have been checked 3-4 times before I even get it…right??!!

  253. I tend to procrastinate a lot and typically it doesn’t make whatever task I’m avoiding any better or easier BUT I have been procrastinating finishing up some paperwork I needed to do to get licensed in my field (architecture). I have finished 3 years of internship hours and 7 exams but the last bit of paperwork (a 20-30 page summary of certain portions of state law) was so unappealing I dragged my feet for over a year. When I finally got my act together to do it the state had just changed the rules on the final paperwork and instead of having to write a 20-30 page paper, I had to fill out a 25 question multiple choice/true/false quiz and send that in. Trading 40 or so hours of work for 2 hours filling out an open book, multiple choice quiz is totally a win. I finally sent the paperwork in this week 🙂

  254. I have a book that’s a really awesome idea that needs to be done soon. But more importantly, there’s a piece of candy cane wrapper on the floor that I’m staring at RIGHT NOW, that has been there way too long, even though I told my husband to pick it up. I’m just going to keep staring at that candy cane wrapper, willing my husband to fucking pick it up already.

    He’ll probably tell me “soon” next time I remind him about it.

  255. I moved in with my husband over 7 years ago, and still have at least two boxes that need unpacking. 🙂

  256. My sister gave me a picture that usually hangs in her kitchen, and asked me to paint the frame black (because it was banged up from all the moving she’s done and the current frame color didn’t completely match her color scheme).
    It is sitting next to my desk. Still. I’ve had the thing for 5 months now, and still haven’t thought to get to it.

  257. We have a 3 bay storage facility attached to our house. It’s supposed to be a 3 car garage, but we haven’t cleaned it out in the past 3 years, so there’s no room for cars. Or trucks or motorcycles or lawnmowers. We’ve been going to clean it out soon for a couple of years now, so I’m sure it will happen soon.

  258. No, no. If you know anything about JoCoCruiseCrazy, you’ll know that Paul & Storm use the phrase so often that all the people involved answer just about any question with, “Soon(TM)!”

  259. I have about 5 knitting projects that need to be done in a week, my room and my daughters room is in desperate need of cleaning, and with a wedding to attend in 2 weeks I need to work out as its been 2 days. I’ll get to it soon, right now I want to see if I’m missing anything on the webs

  260. I took my mother-in-laws family heirloom photographs to scan, organize, and share FIVE YEARS AGO. I said I would never be that relative who took family photos and documents and never returned them. I would be the one who kept my word and got it done. Every year, it’s my Yearly Goal but. . . nope. And it’s stuff for the extended family so *everyone* is waiting for me to finish scanning, like, 5000 photos. 5000. Stuffed into plastic tubs. I just had my third child so, probably not this year either. I feel like a turd about it. I hope she doesn’t die before I get them finished.

  261. I should have finished my first draft of my novel wip in December.
    I should have lost the 40 pounds I swore I’d lose this time last year.
    I should have saved more and bitched less.
    I should be writing now OFFline.

  262. I’ve been meaning to renew my passport for the past year. This can only mean that someone will soon invite me on an all-expenses-paid trip around the world, contingent upon me leaving the country immediately. You know how that happens sometimes.

  263. I graduated from college in May, and still haven’t set up to have the money to pay back my student loans automatically drawn from my account yet. I have the forms filled out and in an envelope with a stamp, I just haven’t managed to drive that envelope to a mailbox and put it in there yet. (I won’t leave it in my own mailbox because that paperwork has my bank account number and SSN on it.)

  264. I bought an adorable unfinished table with four chairs when my daughter was a baby. I had grand plans to paint it with flowers & bows & berries & such.

    Now SHE is having a baby, so I can give it to her to paint for my granddaughter.

    I hate procrastination but I’m just so good at it.

  265. Soon: I’m going to get fit, cook healthy meals for my family, learn to sew, take kick boxing….hahaha.. I could so go on and on!

  266. I have six baskets of clean, folded laundry that I intend to put away soon. But they’ve been there for three months, so soon is probably just this year.

  267. I had 8 months to get in shape for a cruise. Easily enough time. Plenty. I leave in a limitless over 3 weeks. A big fat failure.

  268. I have 2 chairs in my basement that I bought 6 months ago to reupholster. I didn’t buy them together. I figured I would finish the one soon, which is why I bought the 2nd. You know, as another project. I’ll get to work on them, right after my nap. Or soon after that.

  269. I have way too many “I’ll do it soon” items to list. I don’t start my next semester for 2wks… so I have plenty of time to get stuff done… right?

    Can I also say that it is encouraging to see that there are sooooooo many of us sooners! Yay for not being alone!

  270. I have a dead spider hanging from the corner of my bathroom ceiling that I have been meaning to knock down since May. I’m starting to think it will live there for all eternity.

  271. I am just finishing making a scarf for my new sister-in-law for Christmas. The Christmas that was weeks ago. And she’s my favorite!!!! My excuse is I did just have a baby. And by “just” I mean Dec. 2nd. But taking pressure off them to have kids anytime soon should be present enough. Yes?

  272. I was supposed to start a college fund bank account for my son before his 1st birthday, ya know to give him a good education so he’s not broke all the time like me. He’s 17.

  273. Apparently I got caught up in the Target “we stole your credit card information” fun over the holidays. Why do I know? Because my bank wrote me a letter. I was going to look up my statement soon, because I thought I might have been. My bank sent me a new debit card 3 days ago to replace the violated one. Yeah, I’ll activate that new one. Soon.

  274. My to-do list is about a mile long and all needs to be done by February 1st. Freaking out a little. So I’m watching Blue Blood reruns.

    My piece de resistance however, is the doll house in my basement that needs to be decorated. It’s been assembled since I was 12. I’m 37 and it’s been moved 4 times.

  275. Laundry.
    We’ve got basically no clothes left and we also have dirty blankets that need to be washed and put away because we got new ones for Christmas.
    We’ve been saying We Need To Do Laundry for almost 2 weeks now.

  276. I should have already put in this job application for a position that I did for the last year. But I’m concerned that my current supervisor will be mad. But this new position would be full time with benefits and a shift that I prefer.

  277. Printer “lost track” of my custom printed holiday cards so they “rushed” ordered another set and expresse shipped them to me AFTER I left for holiday vacay. Now I’m back but still haven’t sent my 2013 Christmas cards because, I’ve been taking too many naps! Yes, that’s it…too many naps. I wish.

  278. I’ll get the photos together in a photo book from my son’s first year…soon.

    I’ll have the pictures somewhere other than in phone…soon.

    He’s 4 years old now.

  279. My homework was due yesterday and I meant to finish writing my fantasy novel last week but I’m still three chapters from being done.

    WE’LL PROCRASTINATE TOGETHER!

  280. I have needed to call my doctor and ask a clarification question about my next appointment for three days. I still haven’t yet. I need to do that. Maybe today. But also maybe tomorrow.

  281. Our weird funny tribe….not a single one of use has clean, folded clothes…and I like that!!!
    Keep on because wine….

    And who is your editor, my dear? Give us the email and we will all write you an excuse note.

  282. I should be doing my homework or getting ready for work. Instead, I’m goofing off on Facebook and catching up on blogs. Sometimes when I’m blocked I write a crappy fantastical story just for the heck of it, which is fun and I’ve seriously considered doing. Might help motivate me to do my case analysis for my buyer behavior class… :/

  283. My ex-husband left February 4th 2008. He left a bunch of his crap in my garage. I said, gee I need to get rid of all of the junk he left behind. I’ll do it soon… well it’s been nearly six years… I clearly have no idea when soon is, but I’m going to clean out the garage… soon.

    I have several closets that are stuffed so full that you can barely close them, (okay, in all honesty, one already doesn’t close completely) and I’m going to clean them out… soon.

    I started writing a book right before my ex left, and another right after. I’ll finish them… someday (and that’s a word that is worse than soon if you ask me!)

    That’s all I can think of now, but I have a really long “round tuit” list. You know what I mean. All the stuff that I’ll do when I get a “round tuit” (around to it)… LOL

  284. I will accrue thousands of dollars in interest on my student loans for putting off my graduation by one year because I would rather read this blog, iron the place mats, build a birdhouse, start watching 24, etc… than finish my dissertation.

  285. Well, my real Christmas tree is still up, which is mostly problematic because I think I stopped watering it about two days after Christmas.
    Also, I have been putting off the litter box for days. It’s getting problematic.
    I still have a microwave in a box in my living room floor that needs to be returned, but I have yet to go retrieve the receipt from my mother in law.
    So, you know, I’m basically just failing in a variety of housekeeping-related ways. I could go on (and on–is that a pile of cat barf in the corner? How long has THAT been there?), but I’m starting to bum myself out.

  286. i’m nine days late on my first draft and i keep finding far more interesting things to do instead of finish the last two chapters. and when i say “things to do” i mean look at stuff on the internet.

  287. I’ll be fixing the upstairs toilet soon. Probably when the downstairs toilet breaks and I no longer have any working toilets.

  288. Um… where to start… I’ll get my business website up. Soon. I’ll do the laundry. Soon. I’ll update my daughters “My first year” book. Soon. We’ll have a REAL wedding. Soon. It’s a neverending list, but I’ll stop now. You (obviously) get the idea…

  289. Scientist Steven J. Gould said he could PROVE that, when he dropped the ball in his hand, it would never hit the ground. He did it like this–First the ball would have to fall half-way. Then it would have to fall half-way again, And again and again and again. But there is ALWAYS another half. Therefore, the ball will never hit the ground.

    I know this is a metaphor for not finishing projects, just can’t put my finger on it…

  290. When I read this I was laying in bed petting my cat after my four hour long nap avoiding writing and housework. Now I’m avoiding making lunch. <3 You're doing fine.

  291. I’ve been married for 9 1/2 years and I still haven’t gotten my name changed. I keep telling myself I’ll get it done “soon”. I even went last week and got the paperwork I needed but it’s still sitting on the table. Maybe I’ll get it done in time to surprise my husband on our 10th anniversary in June 😉

  292. Jenny…
    A friend of mine lost her battle with depression late Tuesday night and shot herself. Will you remind people that they need to keep fighting through the darkness and eventually it will get better.

    Thanks.

    (I think you just did. I’m so sorry. Depression is a lying bastard. ~ Jenny)

  293. I want to buy a copy of your book for my mom as a “just because I love you” gift and she would get a great kick out of you signing it all snarky-like, cuz you are (and so is she). Any way of making that happen?

  294. Oh I have SO MANY things that I haven’t done yet that I am supposed to have already done! I will tell you about ALL of them…… soon.

  295. I’ll get around to finishing my sons baby blanket soon. He’ll be 22 in March.
    And post on my blog. Yeah, that too.

  296. I’ll finish building my time machine soon and then I’ll go back to before I wrote this comment and instead leave a clever hint about who will play the 14th Doctor (the one between now and then won’t really count because let’s face it, there can be no [number redacted]th Doctor) and maybe list a few winning Powerball numbers.

  297. Around 5 years ago, I moved. Actually I moved about 6-1/2 years ago, from a big house I owned to a much smaller, transistional house. Since I was only planning to be there around 6 months (even though I stayed 18 months), I left everything I didn’t need packed and in the garage. And when I moved here 5 years ago, everything that was in the garage was moved to the garage here. And it is still there. And everyone keeps asking me when I am going to unpack. Soon….

    (Now, I am rationalize it all by saying, if I haven’t needed it yet, maybe I don’t.)

  298. I AM HAVING GEORGE CLOONEY’S BABY! Not really, but I might; apparently there is a totally legit contest to raise money for Satellite Sentinel Project and their efforts to deter war crimes; George (I call him that) is a huge supporter of humanitarian causes and for $10 you can enter this contest. The more entries you “buy” the cheaper they are, and you can also get signed photos, movie memorabilia, etc. as a bonus for more entries. The prize is a trip for you and a friend to NYC to go to a movie premier, etc. with Himself. Wowsers. I call that $10 well invested! [Sorry, Jenny, but I thought you wd not mind the plug since it is a) about a hottie and b) for a good cause and 3) did I mention George Clooney?]
    http://www.omaze.com/experiences/hit-the-town-with-george-clooney

  299. Shit! That reminds me. I have his little shriveled bit of belly button somewhere that was meant to go in the baby book that I’ll put together soon.

  300. Haven’t taken down the Christmas decorations yet. Never did send the cards I bought. Never did remove the dead chrysanthemums from the outdoor pots after Thanksgiving, so there they were in all their glory in December. Haven’t taken my poor old dog to the vet for her shots. Haven’t finished my poor old dad’s power of attorney that I started with his lawyer five months ago. Haven’t finished organizing my bedroom closet, which I also started five months ago. There’s lots more, but that’s enough. You’re welcome!

  301. We lost a form we needed to file our taxes so we filed for an extension and then forgot to file the finals.
    And now it’s the next year.

    Also I may need to re-run the laundry because I forgot to transfer it to the dryer. If I’m lucky, the basement’s so cold that it won’t be totally stinkified…

  302. I’ve got so much laundry to fold…like, ALL the laundry. I still haven’t taken down my Christmas tree (it is fake, I don’t just have a really dead tree hanging out in my living room). I have a more than a week’s worth of dishes waiting to go in the dishwasher, but I just can’t be bothered to empty and refill it. I haven’t vacuumed in a disgusting amount of time, and I am way over due for an oil change in my car. Instead of all those things, I just sit and watch TV or play on my phone or hang out with my guinea pig or nap. I fucking love naps.

  303. I’ve been putting off writing a statement of work for over a month now…it’s due next Monday and I no longer have any time!! Yeah for procrastination!!

    We’ve all been there, Jenny. I’m going to start a Procrastinators Association…soon.

  304. I have been having some internal conversations about this subject lately, as I am a world-class procrastinator. Work, house cleaning, taxes…I can always find something else pressing to do when I want to avoid a particular task. But I (almost) always come through, and I am learning to finally accept that this is the way I am, the way I work, and it’s OK. Somewhere deep down, I enjoy the stress of coming through at the last minute. Maybe you do too.

  305. I have been in the hospital many, MANY times. Once for about 20 days. (OK, I was in a coma for 12 of those days, but still) I have come to learn that SOON means so many different things in ‘nurse-speak’. Your pain medication will be here ‘soon’. That means you will be writhing in agony for at least 15 minutes.

    Your dinner will be here soon. That means in the next 30 to 90 minutes you will be served a tray full of unidentifiable items that are somewhere between cold and frozen. One save is the roll. It’s about the only hospital food I have eaten willingly.

    Your discharge papers are being filled out. You will be going home soon. This means you will be going home in 1-8 hours. Don’t get all excited about getting dressed and surely don’t turn down that hospital breakfast and lunch. You are going to need that roll!

    Pick which hospital scenario you are and use ‘soon’ like a pro! 🙂

    Seriously…I can’t wait for your book to come out. I have read it twice and have listened to the audio book countless times.

  306. I have to train my clients on a fairly involved piece of software that I haven’t even learned myself yet. The class is to be run at the end of the month.

    Soon…

  307. I haven’t made a master list of my books.
    I haven’t studied for my psych class.
    I haven’t written in a LONG time.
    I haven’t made art also in a long time.
    I haven’t blogged about books for like 2 years.
    I haven’t found a job yet.
    I haven’t volunteered my fifty hours to get a distinguished diploma.
    I haven’t gotten ready for the SAT. (probably won’t take it cause I don’t technically need to)
    Need I continue?

  308. I need to file the final legal docs for my dad’s estate. He passed away in 2008. I have a bit of a procrastination problem.

  309. I really should have left my job. Like, a year ago. But now I’m stuck here until the end of a project and I just may have exploded before that date gets here.
    Oh, and I should probably have got the plumber out and not tied the pipe up with the bit of string before leaving the house and hoping for the best.

  310. I have feelings for someone I’ve been seeing “casually”. He’s emotionally unavailable , and I know I’ll become more attached if I continuing to see him, and that’s not healthy. I should talk to him about this and end things before I get more hurt, because it’s not worth this much struggling and suffering. But that means I won’t be able to spend time with him anymore. So I’ll talk to him, soon…

  311. I am going to start a blog…soon. My husband and some friends have been encouraging me to do it for awhile now, and I really will do it…soon. I keep putting it off because I have to do laundry, and wipe the butts of small children, and feed animals, and cook dinner, and be the raging domestic goddess that I do a pretty good job of pretending to be. And I will do it just as soon as I get over my fear of public criticism. I am pretty sure that will happen any day now….yeah, real soon. And by the way, after you suggested it, I realized my mother would really love your book. So I am buying it for her on Amazon right now. 🙂

  312. I really need to call about getting supplemental health care before my divorce is final. I will. Soon.
    I really need to call my lawyer to go see him about what this new thing my stupid asshole husband is dragging me to court for now. I will. Soon.
    I really need to patch the holes in the wall where I attempted to hang some shelves and measured wrong. I will. Soon. Maybe.
    I really need to get off my ass and go pay for my daughters horse back riding lessons. Soon. Soon.
    And eventually, I’ll get back to writing that book I started 5 years ago that I was so excited about. Soon. I promise myself all the time. Soon.

  313. Reading your last book. I bought it intending to read it soon. Then I was going to read it when we were at our cabin last summer. But I forgot to pack it. Now I can’t even find it. So now thats two things I need to do soon. Buy it again, and then read it. Please don’t release a new one soon – I don’t wan’t to get any more behind. Until I catch up – then I’ll want the new one right away.

  314. I’m a freelance writer, and I need to right about another 7k words today, and the same again tomorrow. But I’m not. I’ll get to it, soon.

  315. I should have changed the Christmas bulletin boards in my classroom already. I should have printed the lesson plan for this week but we had two days off because of the ridiculous cold and who wants to use a 5 day plan for a 3 day week… not me! I also should be back to eating healthier cuz that bridesmaid dress arrived and I was smaller when I ordered it, but the candy bar in the vending machine won today so I’m still procrastonating and still eating junk food. And those are just today’s issues I don’t even want to really think about the big things that I’m putting off like saving up to move or finding tje money to fix my car…. lalalalala ignoring acting lile an adult.

  316. I haven’t had the oil changed in my car for a year and a half. The button panel in the driver’s side door has been broken and fell down inside long ago. A clip on a roof molding snapped off in the car wash over the summer. There are two recalls I haven’t had fixed yet. It also needs new struts. The other car needs an oil change and also has a recall I’ve not addressed. I have zero excuses for not dealing with this.

  317. My whole life is one long list of things I need to do but haven’t done yet (if you dig a little, that’s a lot deeper than I meant it). The only thing not on that list is buying your book, which I’ve already done, twice. Because moms need awesome books, too.

  318. Last winter (as in 2012-2013) I was supposed to sew curtains for our trailer/cottage. The material is STILL sitting in my closet. (geez, THANKS for reminding me I have to do them!!) I promised my husband I’d do them by spring. I still have almost 2 months, right?

  319. My husband is ADHD and frequently forgets to finish a sentence, BUT, in his head, I told me what he was wanting. Later, I get yelled at for not doing whatever it was that he asked me to do in his head, but never actually came out verbally. SOON, I plan on doing all those things that he’s asked me to do in his imagination.

  320. Massively sloppy apartment needs cleaned. Sooo many bills to pay. I’ve lived here over a year and I still don’t have a couch. My car should have been inspected by the end of November. I only have one windshield wiper, the other one is a sock.

    Haha I just realized that I haven’t even cashed my Christmas bonus yet. I even put off doing happy things.

    I was born to this, though. Procrastination is traditional in my family.

  321. I haven’t gotten anyone to perform my wedding ceremony yet. It’s in 66 days and all the guests are from out of state. I told my mother-in-law I did (she is paying for the wedding since she wants to see one of her kids’ weddings before she leaves this earth. She is terminally ill). It honestly slipped my mind with everything else going on. I had a joke solution I was going to type, but now I just feel so guilty that I forgot it. Woops.

  322. My list of things to do soon (as in should have done days-weeks-months ago) is so long I am constantly in the edge of a full blown, can’t catch my breath panic attack. These dark cold days are oppressive enough. Do what you can when you can, without neglecting your health and time with your family. Stay grounded and just break things down into the smallest possible steps so ad not to get overwhelmed. It will all come together. Best wishes, good luck, you can do it.

  323. I think this is my favorite post of all time. Your post and ALL of the comments made me feel so much better about the things I need to get completed. On my desk I have lists with different headings: Today. Now, ASAP, #1, #2, Priority!. I am a great organizer, but life keeps getting in the way and I keep reshuffling the items on those lists.
    Here are some of the “to do” items that have been pending for awhile: Stack the cord of firewood that has been blocking the driveway since November, dip out the leaves that fell into my pool this fall after I closed it but did not cover it, clean out all the flower beds, brush the dogs, set up my 2014 calendar, rake back yard, take down my Christmas tree, and on and on…….

  324. I should unpack the stuff I had to pack when I had water damage a year ago in July. Yep, a year and a half of living out of boxes.

  325. I have to write a 75 word bio for a conference where I’ll be a speaker. It is only 75 friggin words and I just can’t get it together. How will I ever put a 45 minute program together. Sheeesh….I’m my own worst enemy. Off now to do something else so I don’t have to stare at a bio that I can’t seem to write.

  326. We have people coming over Saturday, I’ve been snowed in since LAST Saturday, and my kitchen is still a wreck from a combination of making home made lasagna and finding the glory of fried cheerios (totally amazing recipe involving butter, brown sugar, cheerios, and a skillet. It’s so good I’ve eaten some every day since being snowed in.). I also have a mountain of clean laundry piled on the bed that I haven’t managed to fold because every time I walk in there to do it my dog, SallySparrow, rolls over and exposes her belly so I end up giving belly rubs and snuggling a warm puppy until I either fall asleep or have to pee. I am a terrible housewife. I need a job so I can quit being responsible for everything.

  327. I am WAY behind on too much great “stuff” to even begin on that. But I would love to say that a friend had your book, & had to buy my own copy AND I had to buy one for my sister for Christmas – NO LIE – these books are selling!!! Thank you – love you & appreciate your making me laugh often!

  328. Douglas Adams was quoted as saying he loved deadlines; he loved the whooshing sound they made as they went by.
    Nowadays everyone is just grateful for the books he wrote, if a little melancholy that he left so much undone, but life isn’t tidy like that, and you shouldn’t expect it to be.

    It’s unrealistic to expect something like creativity to be able to be boxed up into some predetermined time frame, so just write what comes naturally, take your time and do what it takes, but don’t stifle your creativity to meet someone else’s expectations, especially someone else that wouldn’t purchase your book for the enjoyment of reading it.
    If they’re still bugging you, tell them you want to proof read and edit it first before submitting it for their appraisal; surely most people like to do that before they have it read by others, so you wouldn’t be stretching the truth – at least not much.
    If it’s not ready it’s not ready, you can’t publish a half written book (though in your case no one would be surprised or disappointed if you did – you could say it’s a series, and this is only part one?!)

    So far as my own procrastination, I’ve made a lifestyle of it.
    I’m writing this now whilst I’m supposed to be doing a workout.
    I stopped working over two years ago when my father in law died; (having taken time off to look after him but being stopped from doing so by his now widow, who can’t take care of herself, much less a husband dying of cancer; she couldn’t bare for anyone to “interfere” in the way she was neglecting him, I mean “caring for him”).

    I’ve applied to do two Social Science course, and dropped out of each after the first day.
    I’ve even cancelled my participation in a volunteer group which only required me to work for 3 hours once a fortnight.
    I now only do volunteer work once a month, and the rest of the time I read, watch TV, DVD’s or time shifted TV shows, muck about in the garden, and go for the occasional bushwalk.
    I’m living a “retired lifestyle”, and I’m only 41.
    You could say rather than procrastinating, I’ve actually opted to live out my retirement early, as I have little interest in seeking out paid employment, full time or otherwise.

    If it wasn’t for my wife who I am also carer for (who works full time has CP and gets around in a wheelchair), I’d be accused of being lazy.
    All that said, I have supported her, emotionally, intellectually, and physically whilst she has supported me financially.
    It is unlikely she would have reached her employment level without me (she has been promoted three levels since we met), so with that in mind perhaps I should take some credit for her being in a financial situation to support both of us.

    I also have a 13 year old child from a previous marriage; my ex’s opinion of what constitutes a fair and amicable divorce arrangement does not concur with mine, but as she feels there is no law higher than her own opinion, there is no point in “lawyering up” to sort it out.
    Some time later my daughter will realize that her mother is a narcissistic control freak, and that though she lives with her, I am the loving compassionate and stable one.

    Oh and I plan on one day unleashing the writer within me, but that’s something I’m definitely procrastinating on.
    Only my wife, my counsellor, and a few selected others have read anything I’