Our marriage is more mature than we are.

Our wedding anniversary was a few days ago and I was going to hire an evil clown to stalk Victor for a week to celebrate it (that’s a real thing) but then I got a cold (which is currently trying to suffocate me), and also I was fairly certain that Victor’s automatic instinct would be to bludgeon the clown to death with his own shoes.  Instead we decided to just postpone our anniversary so that I can properly surprise Victor with a suitcase full of monkeys or something when he’s not expecting it.

We’ve officially been married now for 18 years, so if our marriage was a person it could be tried and convicted as an adult.  I’m fairly sure our marriage is now more mature than we are.

It seems weird to think we’ve been married for 18 years.  Sometimes it feels like we’ve only been married for 10 years because I’ve slept a lot so it seems like some years shouldn’t count, and sometimes it feels likes we’ve been married for forty years because some years are so much bigger than they should be.  But 18 seems right.

Old enough to make bad choices.  Young enough to still enjoy them.

18 seems about perfect.

PS. Sometimes people complain that I seldom post pictures of Victor and it’s hard to argue with that because if you search for google images of Victor you end up with stuff like this.  So I’m remedying that with a not-particularly-flattering but very candid picture of me and Victor, which shows why we never get taken seriously at neighborhood watch meetings.

You can't tell but he's laughing too.  Or he's mad.  It's hard to tell, really.
You can’t tell, but he’s totally laughing too. Or he’s really mad.  Or maybe it’s someone else entirely.  It’s hard to tell, really.  That man is a damn enigma.

PPS.  I’m on a lot of cold meds.  This might be obvious.

196 thoughts on “Our marriage is more mature than we are.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I just had my 18th anniversary this weekend. You described exactly how I feel. Happy Anniversary to you!

  2. If that is Victor, he’s a champ. AND I want his storm trooper costumer ASAP.

    (That is Victor. His storm-trooper costume would probably be the first thing he’d save in a house fire. If it was more comfortable he’d probably wear it to bed. ~ Jenny)

  3. I just celebrated my 18th anniversary yesterday. You described exactly how I feel. Happy Anniversary to you!

  4. That is an adorable picture of the two of you. Or, of you and possibly random man. Whatever.

    Congrats on 18 years!

  5. I’m not even scared of clowns and I think that clown stalker is pretty freaking terrifying!

  6. You’ve been married to a storm trooper this entire time. That explains why we seldom see pictures! Happy anniversary to you both. 🙂

  7. Today’s my wedding anniversary and he’s in another country with another woman. He did however send me two dozen roses … LOL. (not as sketchy as it sounds).

  8. Please tell me you’ll capture the opening of the monkey-filled suitcase to share with your readers?…

    (Always. ~ Jenny)

  9. He seems to be saying “I can’t believe I missed that shot.”.

  10. The Hebrew word for “life” is חי (chai), which has a numerical value of 18.

    In Chinese tradition, the number 18 is normally 十八 (shí bā), but it can also be read as 幺八 (yāo bā), which sounds like 要发 (yào fā), meaning that one is going to prosper. Thus, floors numbered “18” are often very expensive in China.

    “I’m Eighteen”, Alice Cooper’s first Top Ten hit single, from their 1971 album Love It to Death.

  11. Yet another reason my husband and Victor would get along. Sigh. He’s been hounding me to free up funds for a 501st-approved costume for Star Wars Celebration next spring. I’m not showing this post to Dave…he’ll just use it as additional reasons WHY I can’t argue about it.

    Um, that’d be husband, not Victor, whom I don’t know…so I’d probably be somewhat weirded out if he was hounding me for money.

  12. My parents hit 39 years a few days ago.

    I get sick of living with the same person/people after an average of two weeks, so I don’t foresee reaching any double-digit relationship milestones in my life. XD

  13. Happy anniversary! We just celebrated 4 years. I hope I haven’t killed him by 18. They make you wear stripes here in FL and it’s not very flattering. Plus, I sort of like him, so I’ll try not to kill him….I make no promises.

  14. I love it–What a terrifically adorable picture! I’d totally use that on invites for a later-anniversary party or his birthday or something. Except I don’t do invites. But still.

  15. My wife and I met February 15, 1988, after my worst Valentine’s Day ever. I swore off finding a girlfriend that day, leaving it up to the Fates. The next day, this little caffeinated Tigger of a girl bounced up to me and said “If you don’t move, I’m going to hug you.” I leaned down and said “What?”, sure I’d mis-heard her. She threw her arms around my neck, gave me a bear hug that almost popped my eyes out of my skull, and then she bounded off after her best friend, giggling like crazy.

    We’ve been together ever since, and will be having our… 21st wedding anniversary next month. Our marriage will be old enough to drink! Woo hoo! I hope we don’t find it passed out in a back seat, headed for Vegas.

    Then again, that sounds like fun. Maybe I hope we do 🙂

  16. Oh yeah…and happy relationship-adulthood! 🙂

    You know now your marriage is going to the college-partying phase…maybe the clown should bring a kegerator along.

  17. Fun marriages are the ones that last. You look like you are having fun… Ill take your word for it that Victor is HAHA. He at least has to be a good sport much like my own husband. Happy Anniversary… I will still put Victor on the local prayer list so that his good humor endures us all.

  18. That man deserves several surprises me thinks. Where does one get FLYING monkeys. You could get him one and say every time you annoy him he can say “don’t make me get Max the flying monkey!” My ex and I made it to 15 years. But he was a pilot and home half the time so it was only 7 wasted years. Not 15. LMAO

  19. In 3 short years, your marriage can take a road trip to Colorado and smoke some legal pot. Something to look forward to.

  20. Hubby dressed as storm trooper, and Wil wearing boba fett shirt… you would totally go to the dark side wouldn’t you!?!

    (Yep. If you look close enough you’ll see that my dress in that picture has Vadar’s chest plate on it. ~ Jenny)

  21. I’m almost done with year 18 of marriage (19 years married on 9/9) and this was the most accurate description of marriage I’ve ever read. I’m pretty sure if my marriage was a person, it would have dropped out of high school and probably NOT gotten its GED. It would also probably have a prison record that would not be expunged upon turning 18. We’re bad ass like that.

    That stormtrooper costume Victor’s wearing makes me think he’s definitely a keeper.

  22. You two are so beyond awesome for each other. Happy Happy Anniversary! And many more.

  23. Happy Anniversary!! Hubs and I celebrated our 17th this year and i love that we still always want to hang out with each other.

    We don’t have any cool costumes, though. I’d bring it up, but he’d just roll his eyes at me.

  24. Happy Anniversary to two of my favorite people whom I’ve never met. P.S. Everybody else – There are pictures in the book!!

  25. The hubster and I have been married 18 years as well (6/28). Can we agree now to plan to do something absolutely frightening for our 20th? Congrats to you and your favorite Storm Trooper.

  26. My hubby and I celebrated our 34th anniversary on Saturday by un-freezing the a/c unit in the house. Talk about romantic. On the other hand, we are both still living and speaking to one another, so it ain’t all bad

  27. That storm trooper suit is awesome and I’m so jealous. This picture is amazing.

    I would beat a clown to death for stalking me with my shoes, too. But I wear flip flops a lot so I probably wouldn’t get very far. Happy anniversary, I hope Victor likes the suitcase full of monkeys!

  28. Yes….So much yes… We are approaching our fourteenth year in like two months.Exactly this….and I am mildly intrigued by the clown thing……not sure the husband would kill him but it probably wouldn’t be pretty.

  29. My 24th anniversary is at the end of the month. It doesn’t seem that long since I noticed the cute nerd in Physics who smuggled in a roast beef sandwich for lunch. Cute, Smart and a Food Provider. I scooped him up really fast. 🙂

  30. Happy Anniversary! Now looking up the clown situation in preparation for my 24th. Thanks for the tip.

  31. I’d definitely take you guys seriously at our neighborhood watch meetings. Well, by some definition, anyway. And what is this “mature” thing of which you speak?

  32. Happy anniversary to you!

    My husband and I’s five year anniversary is in three days, so hopefully it will be tying its own shoes and getting reading for kindergarten, although we still can’t share the crayons.

  33. Happy Anniversary! My husband and I just celebrated our 11th anniversary and I feel the same way.

  34. I made the mistake of following the link and now I WILL NOT SLEEP TONIGHT. I’d bludgeon that fucker too if he stalked me for a week, so it’s merciful of you to do the suitcase instead. But please don’t let Victor wear his banana suit, it might scare the monkeys.
    Congrats on your 18th 🙂

  35. Congratulations! I fear I will never celebrate an 18th wedding anniversary… at least not with one marriage. Perhaps if I total all my marriages, someday I will achieve 18 years of marriage. I have commitment issues.

  36. Happy Anniversary to you and Victor! Absolutely love the picture 🙂

  37. Jeez, 18 years? That is a lot of pressure to make it a great (and terrifying) anniversary. I can’t wait to see what you two come up with.

  38. I simply adore you. Isn’t it great being married to a guy who gets you? Fyi, I bought the audio version of your book so my husband could listen during the driving part of our vacation. He was getting drowsy while I was driving, so I turned it off because he HAD to hear about the squirrel in the cracker box. He cracked up. Also, I completely crack up when you talk about cleaning a deer. Ever since I was small, dad processed deer for hunters in the garage, so I totally understand you. My dad did something interesting to skin the deer. Pull the ears down to the back of the head, then tie a rope to them. Tie the other end of the rope to a vehicle, then slowly back it up. Comes off like a banana peel. Yup, I have seen some shit.

  39. Happy Anniversary!!! You have such a fantastic family! (including or not including Wil W., depending on how the real Victor feels about it…)

  40. Disagreeing with you that the photo isn’t flattering. You look beautiful, like you’re having a great time. Well, as great of a time as Darth Vader can have.

  41. And now we know why your pictures are mostly selfies; Storm troopers always miss the shot…

    Happy Anniversary! 🙂

  42. Happy Anniversary. The picture seems perfect. My dream guy would also be willing to commit to a costume. Who wouldn’t want a Storm Trooper as part of the Neighborhood Watch?

  43. your marrage iis an isperation, I hope mine can be as wonderful and sucessful as your is. Happy Anniversery


  45. This picture is still at the top of my facebook feed and I have to say, I am loving it more every time I see it. The pure joy on your face, next to the flat stoniness of Storm Trooper Victor is just awesome. I hope you’ve framed this one and put it out in your house somewhere. It’s awesome.

  46. My husband and I will celebrate our 22nd anniversary later this month and if you ask him how many of those years were happy, he will say two. Then he clarifies by saying that it was a day here and a day there and they might total two years. I really should find a new husband.

  47. I think he’s mad. ‘Cause his junk is all packed into hard plastic underpants.

  48. Happy Anniversary, Jenny & Victor – two of my favorite people to read (about).

  49. Reblogged this on Good Lifestyler and commented:
    Is it bad that I think scary clowns are kind of cool. Then again I like all the bizarre stuff (American Horror Story was my addiction). Great to see that you still have such good chemistry when you hear about marriages that end in a week nowadays. Keep the posts coming! 😀

  50. We hit 21 years this month! Our marriage can drink! Woo hoo! However, we have been drinking illegally for many years prior. Don’t tell mom.

  51. Happy Anniversary! That picture is great! I can’t get my husband to watch StarWars with me… Well, but I had him in a hobbit costume at my side, so that makes it up for me. All the best!

  52. Our marriage is over 21. It can drink, legally. Lord knows we drive it to drink.

  53. Wise choice on the evil clown bit. I would mace the guy before bludgeoning it. Happy Anniversary! And that’s a fabulous picture of you two.

  54. Some people didn’t think I’d make it to 18 alive, but now I’m 53. So perhaps you and Victor have another 35+ to go? I’ve never seen a suitcase full of monkeys, but I did see a video of a toolbox full of ferrets.

  55. That is the kind of photo I want to send into the NYT if I ever meet Mr. Right and re-engage.

  56. Congratulations on 18 years! I’m just trying to meet a guy who will stick around for 5 minutes with all of my neurosis’.

  57. Happy Anniversary!

    My husband and I celebrated our 22nd anniversary this month, which is kind of miraculous considering we were married on June 6th at 6 pm. Not on purpose. We just didnt connect the dots. (6/6@6) It was pointed out to us at thr reception by a number of people who were all apparently waiting for us to be struck by lightning or something.

    We celebrated our anniversary by agreeing we didnt need to celebrate this year. But he did make me the worlds smallest card & I didnt give him food poisoning by cooking. It seemed a fair trade. :p

  58. If it is another man entirely, he’s doing a very good job of impersonating Victor. Because, of course, I pictured Victor as a storm trooper:).

  59. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! And, I’m sure that Hallmark would agree that Stormtroopers is a way better gift than porcelain…although everyone could use an extra toilet.

  60. I still laugh when I think of the picture of his face, for your 16th ? anniversary, when you got him the sloth and wallaby..

  61. FYI, ‘chai’ means ‘alive’ or ‘living’ in Hebrew and according to some mystical, numerological stuff, the letters of chai add up to 18, a real bonanza for us Jews.

    Happy Anniversary!!

  62. He would be terrible at neighborhood watch. He’d go to shoot the bad guy and miss every time!

  63. I’m sure you already know how lucky you both are to have each other. I think the most important things in a marriage are a shared sense of humor and the ability to talk to each other and be there for each other – and you and Victor seem to have that down. Here’s wishing you another 18+ happy years together!

  64. Miss Bloggess, on days where I don’t think I am able to smile, where I am so deep in a black cave that I can’t see light, and on days that my pain is too much to take, I can read your blog and the comments about the blog and am left in a complete pile of giggles and smiles. Your blog does so much for everyone and did so much for me today. Never doubt that you were meant to share your stories! Long Live the Bloggess!!!!

  65. You guys just got a ton of bonus Awesome Points for being in Star Wars costumes. I have to admit that Victor will get more if he is part of the 501st, tho.

    Happy anniversary, tho, I hope you guys never grow up and have many more anniversaries together!

  66. Maybe it longer than 18 because you spent some time traveling with the doctor? Or maybe it’s shorter because you have false memories implanted? Things to consider when deciding if this is really your porcelain anniversary.

  67. Happy Anniversary!! May you be married long enough to where your marriage can at least legally buy alcohol, and then may you be married long enough to where your marriage can sign up for AARP and officially retire but still be alive (does that mean you guys get to see other people? In which case, you should totes hook up with Darth Vader so that your husband can get on the better Storm Trooper shift, plus he might be able to use Jedi mind tricks in the bedroom).

  68. Happy Anniversary! Here is to the next 100 years ; you guys are a purrrrrfect match and making being geeky kool!

  69. I understand exactly what you mean about time and marriage. I’ve been married 17 years and it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.

  70. congrats on 18 years! the essential ingredients to a happy marriage that i’ve learned from reading about your marriage these last six years: friendship, laughter, patience, compassion, large metal chickens, patience, trips to strange places, honest conversations, patience and respect for the quirky stuff that makes your spouse sometimes beyond words amazing and sometimes stab-able.

  71. That is one of the most beautiful pictures I’ve ever seen in my life. What a treasure! 🙂

  72. Great picture, great post and all around great description of what 18 years of marriage feels like. We’re closing in on 20 and I do sometimes feel like our maturity is inversely proportional (sorry that’s my MBA talking) to the number of years we’ve been married. Thanks for letting me know we’re not alone.:)

  73. I can’t even FIT under the bed anymore, and I would still hide there if anyone gave me that clown thing. shiver (I would flatten myself like a cat does to get under a sofa you’re CERTAIN he can’t fit under.)

    Victor is awesome (as is anyone who wears a storm trooper uniform in public).

  74. Aw! Happy anniversary to you both! From what I’ve read your guy’s relationship is a lot like how mine and my significant others is, and we hope to keep it that way. FOREVER. (lol) Cheers to the both of you!

  75. Where the heck did Will Wheaton come from again? (sorry if that’s his name) wasn’t he the one collating papers? If Victor wore that costume in bed you’d have bigger problems than him being uncomfortable. I’m on a pain killer, not sure what exactly I mean. Love, your friend Laurie F. hey when you gonna stop by my blog Jenny?

  76. Celebrating my 36th year anniversary tomorrow 7/8….I still cannot get a good picture of my husband and I together…

  77. For our 18th anniversary, I registered our marriage to vote. I can’t wait for our 21st when we take it out drinking.

  78. Happy Anniversary! I married a man in costume too (met hubby at a Halloween party where he was dressed as a clown). Now your marriage can buy lottery tickets and be drafted. I’d pick the former, if I were you. Although you in the Army wielding your light saber would really confuse the enemy…

  79. Sometimes i believe that my marriage could be tried as an adult with the things we’ve experienced together and it’s only 10 years for us, this month

  80. Congratulations! Isn’t 18 years the giant metal lawn dinosaur anniversary? I’m pretty sure it is.

  81. Congratulations on 18 years. And my husband says he wants to cross sabers with Victor. He sympathyses and has a cloak.

  82. Victor’s copping an attitude. It must be the codpiece. That does look pretty painful.

  83. I would think that the neighborhood watch would want a stormtrooper among their ranks.
    Congratulations, and may you be blessed with many more.

  84. Congrats! That is a beautiful pic. Here’s to another 18 happy years and lots more hysterical stories to tell!!

  85. I just went to your Red Dress board on pinterest. And pinned 80 things. <3

  86. Great picture. You look very happy. I’m assuming Victor is, too. Congratulations on 18 years.

  87. You should tell Victor that in that outfit, he doesn’t look like he has aged a single day since your wedding.

  88. P.S. and we’re at 15 this year, so that means — yep — it’s the Giant Metal Chicken year.

  89. To @shthisisme, of course the neighborhood watch would not want a stormtrooper. Do you know what lousy shots those guys are?

  90. In Judaism, the Hebrew word “chayim” (life) has a numerical value of 18 – may you and Victor live a long healthy and happy life together. Also, that picture is awesome : )

  91. My boyfriend will not let me post pictures of him anywhere on the web. No twitter, no instagram, no Book Face, nada. There is one I snuck in somewhere, but I’ll never tell because I would be forced to immediately take it down. Hell, I have to call him by his pet name Babboo…but he does exist, I swear.

  92. happiest of anniversaries! and you guys would totally get taken seriously if you were in our neighborhood. ;o)

  93. Brilliant!

    My friend is having a full weekend celebration for her 40th birthday. 38 of us in a lodge – it is going to be dangerous. The Saturday is a fancy dress party with the theme ‘Stars of Stage and Screen’ – I am not sure she is expecting Hubby to turn up as Bruce Willis (hates fancy dress – boo but is bald and I could get him out of a polo shirt and into a dirty vest I am sure) and me as the Scream murderer person.

    The latter she might as she knows I am all kinds of obsessed with horror movies and have sat next to her in many a cinema watching them and the costume at least has a chance of fitting my overly fat body. I will just make sure I have a straw to drink the cocktails and vodka with through the mask.

    As she is obsessed with Star Wars and is Princess Leah someone is bound to turn up as a storm trooper. I did suggest that I could go as Jabba the Hut but Hubby just shook his head at me.

  94. I have now been divorced longer than I was married.

    Happy Anniversary to you both! You look so very happy in that picture. That’s something you can’t fake!

  95. Your picture shows two more reason why you are still together after 18 years–laughter and fun!

  96. I gotta tell you, that picture is wonderful. I see that “These 2 people love each other and get each other”. It means a lot when you can find someone who “gets” both the goofy/nerdy side, and also the not-so-much-fun side. Kudos to you both!

  97. Happy Anniversary! You guys look so happy. Though I have to wonder: when Victor wears that Stormtrooper costume, what does he do when he has to go to the bathroom? (Great. Now I sound weird. But it’s not like there’s a pajama equivalent with the appropriate butt-flap.)

  98. That’s my favorite pic of you yet! You look so happy. 🙂 Congrats on the anniversary and best wishes on even more surprise animal attacks, popcorn massacres, and stalking clowns in the years to come.

  99. I don’t know what’s going on, I’ve tried to ‘like’ this post about 10 times but nothing is happening. I hope I didn’t click ‘like’ so much that I just ultimately ‘unliked’ any ‘like’ that may have gone through.

    “Like” is used far too many times in that sentence. (Okay, I admit I threw ONE extra ‘like’ in there once I went back, re-read, noticed it’s actually two sentences and ‘like’ wasn’t really used excessively. But now it is, right?)

    Anywho, I just wanted to stop by and let you know that:
    1. I’m (kind of) new here, but I’m pretty sure you got married when you were 10, right? Because, I mean, come on.
    2. I thought I never wanted to get married, but you and Victor have finally opened my eyes and now I aspire to one day meet someone with whom I can share the same kind of more-mature-than-us marriage.

    Thank you. And happy anniversary!

    (Oh, and I’m pretty sure he’s laughing about how mad he is that you’re unaware he’s someone else entirely. Nailed it!)

  100. Here’s to 18 more! Congratulations!

    My wife and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary last week. That’s a life sentence in Canada.

  101. I read the beginning of this post to my just-turned-15-year-old daughter to explain why I was snorting at my phone in the middle of another conversation. Her response? He eyes got really big and she said, “I want a suitcase of monkeys! Monkeys are fun!” So there you go. I’m either doing a great job as a mom or failing miserably. Still not sure which…

  102. Happy Anniversary, did you save a juicy firework for the celebrations / obligatory anniversary ‘shenanigans’? 🙂

  103. I read this a few days ago and it made me laugh. It was amazing. So amazing in fact, I had to share it with the guy I was eating lunch with. He didn’t quite get how amazing you are, but his loss. Have a great day!

  104. My wife and I are celebrating our 9th this July. I cannot imagine finding anyone else in the world who would put up with me…

  105. I have heard that you can hire a Mariachi band to follow him around. Probably a bit more entertaining for those around him than a creepy sadistic sicko clown…either way, congrats, you couple o’ crazy kids!

  106. Did you get that dress at HerUniverse.com? It looks great on you!
    Happy Anniversary!

    (I did. Thanks! ~ Jenny)

  107. I absolutely love this picture of you two – you’re gorgeous, and somehow Victor the Stormtrooper has a long-suffering look on his helmet. Perfection!!

  108. I wonder if I can hire an evil clown to follow me around for a week where I live. I need something to jazz up my life. Besides, we might hit it off. You never know…

  109. Congratulations and happy anniversary! Your costumes are wonderful and as an ordained Chewbacchanalien minister of the Intergalactic Krewe of Chewbacchus – the Cult of the Sacred Drunken Wookiee – I invite you to come join us in revelry next February as we parade through the streets of New Orleans during Carnival season. Oddly, it sounds like I’m trying to sell you something. I’m not, honestly. Check us out at Chewbacchus dot org. It’s the most fun I’ve ever had with a costume on….which is saying something.

  110. Bloggess, is Victor part of the 501st Legion?? If he is let me know what squad he’s in. My husband and I are in it too.

  111. Thanks for making me laugh even when you’re on cold medicine. Or because you’re on cold medicine. One or the other.

  112. After reading several of your posts, I have to wonder: When you’re on cold meds, does Victor notice the difference?

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