Want to try acid?

I’ve been MIA for a titch because I thought I was sick and I kept waiting for it to pass and then I realized that I’m depressed.  That would be a relief except that I’m depressed.  But in better news, I’m actually feeling emotions today rather than numbness so I feel like I’m coming out of it.  But not quite enough to write a real post so instead I’m going to show you what it’s like to be on acid.

Just look at this (I swear to God it’s not one of those videos where you stare at it and something jumps out and screams at you) for awhile and then look away.  I did it and then I looked at my dolls and they started moving around and it was both terrifying and awesome.  Also, if you have migraines or epilepsy maybe skip this and go have a cocktail.  Or some real acid.

PS. Don’t have some real acid.  God knows what people put in it nowadays.

174 thoughts on “Want to try acid?

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I live in fear of drugs like acid. That I would like it – or end up huddled in the fetal position somewhere. Thanks for the alternative.

    And I’m sorry you are feeing blue :/

  2. I live in fear of drugs like acid. That I would like it – or end up huddled in the fetal position somewhere. Thanks for the alternative.

    And I’m sorry you are feeing blue :/

  3. This is due to retinal fatigue. Specialized cells that detect edges and motion get tired, so the opposite direction appears to occur when looking away. I’ve notices this when I bring my car to a stop and it appears I am rolling backwards or a second.

  4. I’ve felt the exact same way, except I’m both sick AND depressed (though I think they feed into each other, because mental illness). I hope you feel better (in both an emotional I hope you feel more feelings better than you were, plus feeling physically better) soon.

  5. Thankful that your numbness is passing. Depression sucks.
    May use this in my biology class when we discuss addictions…you have helped to educate the masses, today…
    May you be well….

  6. I think I need an eye exam.
    Sending positive vibes to you. I hope you feel lots better soon.

  7. I hope you feel better soon but mostly I just wanted to comment because I know how you feel. It really sucks to feel nothingness.

  8. Cough syrup with codeine gave me visual and auditory hallucinations that scared the CRAP out of me! I’ll stick with the trippy video effects and leave the acid to others.

    I hope you’re feeling better soon! Remember, as you so often tell us, depression LIES! Don’t listen to that bastard!

  9. Feeling something is a sure sign of being on the up.
    Nevertheless: just ride it out. You know it always turns around.
    Big hug from someone who has been there en still visits sometimes.

  10. Hey that worked pretty well! That totally is like lots of hallucinations when on acid! Uhhhhh, not that I would ever ever ever ever ever ever know what that is like because I was a bad bad bad kid in high school. Ever.

  11. HUGS, Jenny. Post-Halloween can be a real letdown, but it’ll be okay. Just remember how much the voices lie, and how much we DON’T when we tell you we love you and we’re here.

  12. That was truly bizarre. When I looked away and at a picture of my son on the wall, he was undulating like he was underwater. Very odd.
    I’m glad you’re feeling today. I hope you feel again tomorrow. And the day after. {{hugs}}.
    Also, we took a little road trip this weekend and my son was messing around on his phone. I told him to look up your blog and read the Halloween costume post. The entire car was howling – and totally relating. Game of Thrones, indeed.

  13. Acid, mushrooms, etc…none of the psychedelics are what you want to use if you’re depressed. EVER. Any other time, it’s all good. Make sure you’re with people who love you and make sure you are unable to leave where you are. JMO.

  14. I saw little pink dragons flying around the room. With Mary (of: “had a little lamb).

    Is this normal??

  15. Commenting to give you support on your depression journey! I am coming out on the other side on my most recent depression bout, after suddenly waking up one morning out of nowhere and almost too paralyzed to even get out of bed. I was able to so I consider that success!

  16. I’m frightened to even watch the video in case it triggers my epilepsy…. I’m just going to assume it contains dancing unicorns, singing teddy bears and clouds.

  17. Just realized last week that I was entering a depression phase and it wasn’t just being overwhelmed by my daughter’s two autoimmune diseases and my crappy job. It wasn’t until the anhedonia got so bad that I didn’t care at all about Halloween (my favorite holiday) and I started having (trigger warning) “thoughts” about how to feel again that I finally called my doctor on Friday. Still waiting for the go ahead to up one of my two meds. My mom was nice enough to remind me that I am fifth generation MDD and three generations ended up with ECT. It is simply amazing how little chemicals in your brain can just make you fall apart. God I hate depression. I hate it almost as much as my daigjter’s type 1 diabetes. Thanks for listening, glad to have found a place where most people know exactly what I am talking about. Hugs to us all.

  18. I love when the depression just sneaks up on you like that. Like, thanks, depression. I didn’t want to get shit done today, like go to work or pet the cat or feed myself. It’s cool. Really.

  19. That was interesting. I do have epilepsy but don’t heed warnings or take advice at all well. And I’m fine. I hope that your dip into depression is a very short one. Thanks for your honesty and for bringing so much joy to others.

  20. wow. I must be the trippy kind. That made me feel all mellow and good. Hope you are feeling that way too. Love your awesomeness! Hugs!!

  21. Ocular migraines here. So that’s a big No Can Do on the video. I already see weird, black falling stars and rainbow lightening bolts with no assistance. Christmas lights even fire it up sometimes.
    Cheers to emotions. Love ya bunches.

    -Angie

  22. I’m sorry to hear you’re not in a good place right now. This would be me offering you helpful advice if I knew any, but I don’t, so I’ll send you good thoughts (Imagine a cartoon aura emanating from your computer screen – that’s me. Unless it’s, like, cancer-causing electro radiation or something like that. Then it’s definitely not me. How about donuts? Imagine donuts).

  23. that was awesome. Thanks for the video! Also, you are not alone – I have had depression for the majority of 15 years. It will subside, just snuggle with your cat. (or MAKE them love on you)

  24. I think I’ll wait until I’m home to watch this. Being at work is enough like a bad trip as it is. I know how depression is, so I won’t say “Feel better!” I’ll just say “Feel!”

  25. I’m terrified of doing drugs because I always have the worst and most unlikely/obscure reactions to regular drugs. In my imaginations I always assume I will do ONE drug and turn purple with orange spots or something. Or, I will just THINK I am purple with orange spots. Either way.

    This has been a very depressing, self-harm filled couple of weeks for me. I feel you. I hope it ends soon for both of us, but in a good way, of course.

  26. What if nothing happens, should I be worried? yeah I’m kidding, a painting started talking to me but it had a hot stock tip so gotta hit my account.

  27. I got “an error occurred, please try again later. Learn more”. Which is exactly how I felt on acid. Sorry your down. I just thought you were hard at work on churchy stuff, cause all the stuff. ((Hugs))

  28. Sad to be a migraine-getter and needing to skip the vid BUT… I am about to go clean out my garage which is sure to produce retinal-fatigue-like, acid-dropping-ish hallucinations…or realities. If I find my Teen Skipper who grows boobs when you twist her arm I’ll know I’m about to crash hard. The higher the high, the harder the fall.

  29. It was cool, but I was disappointed that I didn’t have any hallucinations. But then again, I got an ad for Kirkus Reviews (should I buy a review? what do you think?) and also I woke up yesterday with a big gray floater in my right eye that looks like a big lipstick kiss from Marilyn Monroe…(only gray of course). That might have interfered with the hallucination. It certainly interferes with my accounting duties.

  30. My friend has a great story about dropping acid at Disneyland and then not thinking it worked and taking another. She can’t even hear the first two notes of Small World without freaking out. Twenty years later.

  31. Many hugs, yay for feeling and depression is a lying bastard. You’re OK, and better than OK – you are awesome-sauce on stick.

  32. That was kinda cool except the effect only lasted a couple of seconds, I wonder what will happen if I watch it twice before I look away? What if I watch it in a loop for an hour? I could research this instead of doing all the shit I absolutely need to do and have no energy to do.

  33. They showed something like this on TV when I was a kid and I remember my mom and I sitting on the couch just staring at our hands going, “Whoa…they’re all melty…” Good times.

    In other news, depression is a dick.

  34. You’ve been on my mind since you wrote the recent Twitter post about not feeling well. A lot of people, myself included, can sympathize. Complete strangers all over the U.S., nay, the WORLD, love you just the way you are. Myself included of course. I think having a broken brain makes me more sympathetic to others with mental health issues (and gives me a unique sense of humor). I hope you feel better soon darlin’…

  35. I am so sorry that your depression snuck up on you. It sucks and it lies, you know that, yes? I hope you cycle out of this one quickly. Snurgle your kitties and your kidlet. They are made of much better things than depression.

    I am skipping the Eyeball of Doom up there as I am prone to migraines.

  36. In all seriousness, have you looked into ketamine therapy? It’s a “party drug” that’s now being used in trials to work on stubborn depressive illness. Might be worth checking out trials.

  37. Jenny, my sister has lived with depression all her life. I know that nothing we say can change things for you. Its a battle you ultimately fight alone. Thats what she tells me. Thats what I have learned from her. I really don’t know you but I can say that I’ve learned something else from you. I’ve learned that you can still do something you love. I’ve learned that you don’t need to become completely paralyzed by it. I’ve learned that women like you show that there is hope. Maybe still battling depression but that there is a purpose to continue battling. Thank you. And I hope you never lose hope.

  38. So many beautiful, bright people picked on by this big bully depression! I wish we could make a network. When one of us calls for help, we could descend up her or him like a thousand brightly-colored balloons and whisk that person off above the clouds, off to adventure…

    We’re not alone. Here, have this:

  39. If there is one thing you’ve taught me, it’s to take things step by step and let others lift you up when you can’t do this for yourself. You can do this, Jenny. We are all here with you.

  40. I was going to say that it’s good to know I’m not alone but it’s not true. Depression sucks and acid only gets you out of it until it wears off. I’m not sure there is an answer but glad that you’re feeling better. Ride that wave! Maybe you could come over and we could be depressed together!

  41. I know what you mean, this Fall has been rough on me too. And I left my Happy Light at the office all weekend!! 🙁
    I find myself constantly complaining (mostly about work) and driving my SO up the wall. Need to get into an argument with someone about why my life DOESN’T suck then maybe I’ll be able to convince myself of my own arguments.
    Maybe I’ll go for a walk to get a Starbucks drink treat. Or Hallowe’en candy……

    Hope you feel a little bit better every day.

  42. Put on a fancy dress, grab a cat or two, and binge watch Dr. Who until you feel more human. As someone very awesome once said, depression lies, and it does get better.

    Love and hugs from the tribe!

  43. Thanks for your entry – hope you feel better! It’s not like acid – acid does make you more aware of the retinal fatigue effect, (that’s why you see people waving their hands in front of their faces) but it doesn’t cause retinal fatigue. But be cautious! Look at what happened to the first person who took LSD! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Hofmann

  44. I hope you get to feeling better soon. I feel blue today as well, mostly because it is Monday and Assholism is definitely a spreading disease.

  45. I’m not gonna lie, I did acid once, and I’m glad I did. And I have NO INTENTION of ever doing it again.

    Also, I love your peeps—OUR peeps, right folks? We’re all in this together—I’ve been desperately trying to backpedal away from the black pit, and just reading the love and good vibes from the comments has made me feel a bit stronger. Love to you, Jenny, and to all the rest of you. We’re gonna make it.

  46. Been there, done that, lots. It’s like a polar vortex sweeping in and you can’t really know when it will lift. But sending strong thoughts of hope and grace to shift that weather pattern, break it up. Cats are very good. And the video was great. I liked the message more than anything else: we do not live in a world of reality but in a world of perceptions. So cool.

  47. Depression sucks. You do not. That’s all I’ll say about that horrid topic. Hope it passes you by quickly.

    I’m not watching the video, for fear of triggering a migraine or existential crisis. I have enough troubles myself. :-/

  48. Sorry to hear that the depression has taken a hold on you again. I am just glad you are in a state where you can realize what it is, and begin to move past. See you on the other side of this, <3

  49. I suffer from migraines triggered by RED 40, and although this video might not contain said food coloring I am going to have to skip it. Because they put it in everything and I still have another class to get through today. Hope you get passed the down time

  50. well, I looked in a mirror just after. I didn’t know my face could do those things. Very weird.

  51. Remember as you are coming back to yourself, be as gentle, kind and patient with yourself as you would be with someone you love that was recovering from depression. Sometimes it is easy to forget that you ARE someone you love.

  52. Kick some depression butt!
    Sit with it untill it passes,
    no one can stare down depression like you can!
    Watch some matt smith crazy giraf dancing
    and remember we love you!

  53. More hugs! Hang in there, girl!
    Thanks for the acid trip, hee hee. As it happened, my boy-cat was sitting on the chair at the end of the table and just as the dealybob quit, he turned to look at me so the whole effect happened on his sweet face. Whoa! Far out!

  54. I was going to write you a comment that I so totally know what you’re going through only mine is worse, but I don’t know what you’re going through. Not really. Not at all, really. Don’t you hate when you’ve got this thing that’s not easy and people come up to you and tell you they have the same thing only worse? How the hell could they know? And they tell you about some magical solution you couldn’t possibly have heard of and you’re an idiot if you don’t spend your money trying it out. Once, a woman told me I was a derelict mom because I didn’t move to Arizona with my boy because that would solve his problems once and for all. Yes, she actually used the word ‘derelict.’ I think she was just tired of seeing my ugly face at PTSA events.

    Sorry, this was supposed to be about you. Don’t you hate when people tell you that they care about your situation and they are there for you, but then they go on an on and on about what is happening to them?

    Anyhoo, I wanted to send my caring thoughts, such as they are, even though I have no idea what you’re really going through and I have no idea if there’s a magical solution and I’m not in a position to make you chicken soup.

    What I really wanted to tell you is that you make me laugh. You make my friends laugh. You make my husband and son laugh because I make them pause their stupid video games to hear what you’ve written this time.

    You’re a blessing on this Earth. If I could send a ray of good vibes through the cosmos and if it could make it all the way to Texas, I would have you bask in it for all it was worth. I would give you the glow of all of us who are helped by your funny stories because that is the way it should work. You give it out and you really deserve to get something back.

    I just read all your other comments that say the same thing only so much better than I did. Sorry.

    Did I tell you I bought your book? Maybe that will help in a more monetary way.

    Hugs.

  55. I don’t even understand anymore what triggers the onset of depression, but it’s such a relief when you FEEL again, isn’t it? That’s a good sign.

    I don’t need to look at that video. I have acid flashbacks watching the clothes go around in my dryer.

  56. There are actually some interesting articles being written lately about the effects of the psilocybin mushroom on the depressed brain. There are some folks out there who are pushing to legalize the magic mushroom as the next medical marajuanna due to some very promising trials.

  57. I believe the timing of your depression is probably related to Daylight Savings Time- at least mine is. Mostly because my socially acceptable 5pm drinkie-poo has now been pushed back to 6pm.

  58. The wood paneling started to slither, and flowers in a vase started to grow. Fucking weird. Feel better, beautiful lady. Healthy vibes coming your way…

  59. @Jacqui (up at #16): Thank you so much for that link to Stephen Fry’s letter! I’m going to try and remember the weather thing—it’s been rainy and gray for such a long time but I’m going to hope that the sun comes out soon—like tomorrow LOL!

    Like everyone else has already said—-I hope the dark cloud lifts for you, Jenny and everyone else here who’s spoken of being depressed. You are a lovely, generous and unique (and I mean that in the BEST way) person! Sending {{{HUGS}}} and kind thoughts across the Internets for everyone from me and my cats–who are apparently exhausted from all their work today!!!

  60. So, having just been at Universal on some of the attractions, I realize they’re really trying to get us all to feel like we’ve been on an acid trip. Which I know now, after watching your video. I’m not quite sure what to think about that:).

  61. I had actually tried to cheer you up via Twitter reminding you that you are a TOP blogger + best selling author, and I realised that was wrong of me. Chronic Depression doesn’t react to accolades, or trophies, or GOOD FORTUNE. I should know better as I am a sufferer too. So apologies + I’m glad you are feeling better. Sometimes it just lifts when it feels like it. BIG SMOOCHES! xo

  62. They have something like this on Main Street at Disneyland, at all places. Stare at this spinning black and white disk for 30 seconds and look at the back of your hand and you’d swear you have a bot fly larvae under your skin. CREEPY. Not exactly “happiest place on earth” material…

  63. When I’m down I re-read something from Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. Probably doesn’t have the same effect on you. So I’ll send light and love and prayers for peace your way. XOX

  64. Depression sucks and so does being sick (you know, covering all bases here). Thanks but no thanks on the acid test. I did acid once and my hair spontaneously combusted and a friend had to jump on me to put it out. His sister later cut the burnt part of my hair off and was shaking really bad because she saw it catch fire but hadn’t taken any acid. So apparently it really happened and was not the hallucination we thought.

  65. Weird, I’m feeling exactly the same way but I figured I was just both sick AND depressed at the same time. My body likes to rock out to everything all at once. Nothing negative wants to miss the party.

  66. Glad you’re feeling better, but it’s weird getting that “car sick” feeling while sitting still. I had to grab hold of the desk to make sure I didn’t tip over!

  67. I’ve read of some experimental therapeutic usages of LSD – micro-doses so you don’t hallucinate or “trip”. It might even help with depression.

  68. I cannot thank you enough for the migraine warning! I nearly clicked it and I just got over a 2 day massive one, so I’m in no rush for another. You saved me… from your post. Hang in there, and check out superbetter (dot com.) It may help you climb out of your depression before you know it.

  69. I now think of depression as mental flu. You feel like crap and don’t want to get out of bed for a while, some strains are more severe than others, and it is occasionally fatal. I now treat it like the flu too – I get myself extra help and rest and just accept that I’m going to feel like crap for a period of time. The last one a week or two ago was a doozy though. Something in the air this time of year.

    I hope yours was a mild strain this time around, with the mental equivalent of mild congestion, vs the mental stomach virus version.

  70. Thanks for the acid trip…! Sort of.
    And thank you for reminding us again of depression and moods, emotions and taking care of yourself. I often forget that. :-/

    I wish none of us had to go through the pain and desperation of depression. Thank you for sharing again what a liar depression is!

  71. Oh wow man, gonna put Pink Floyd on the stereo, turn on the black light and stare at the picture of ‘shrooms… I send big hugs to you though before I do all that…

  72. Glad you’re starting to pull out of it. Sometimes it’s a slow ascent, and other times it’s like someone snapped their fingers and you woke up saying “How the hell did I get here and why am I flying this plane? WHOA, A MOUNTAIN!” And you pull hard on the stick, missing the mountain but you still get a few ding marks on your hull.

  73. If I could have any super power in the world, it would be to be able to banish depression and anxiety with the snap of a finger. And the ability to eat whatever I want and not gain weight.
    The numbness of depression scares the hell out of me when I look back at it and realize how detached I get. And beginning to feel again is a piercing pain that leaves me raw and overwhelmed. So I am sorry you are going through this really rough patch. Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe and be as healthy as you can. You may feel alone but you’re not alone. Hugs and warm thoughts to you, feel better soon.

  74. Depression sucks, but it ends. It sucks until it ends, but it ENDS. I think that’s the one thing that always keeps me going when I fall into that particular rabbit hole. Speaking of which, water bottles can grow super large after watching this video.

  75. I’m sorry you’re back in the pit again, even if you do seem to be making some progress on getting out of the hole. Just remember that (a) a hell of a lot of us have Been There and Done That, and (b) we all care about you, OK? hugs

    On a more humorous note, one of my grad school professors mentioned taxidermy in her lecture today, so after class I told her about your book and the blog; she was surprised she hadn’t caught up to it before since it was on the NY Times Bestseller List (did I mention this is a library science program?), but she promised to get it on her Kindle…got another one, yay! 😉

  76. Nothing happened. I watched it and then looked around and nothing was weird. Maybe I’m on too many anti-psychotics to see anything? Or I have some sort of Wolverine-like resistance to fake acid? I’m going with Door Number Two.

  77. I met a girl who dropped the angel dust thing in college (in the 1970s) and it made her a very sad schizophrenic basket case. She said visions in her head that would go 24/7…they would never stop sometimes they would speak to her…not to tell her to do anything that would harm anyone or herself it would just keep her awake. She walked constantly trying to ignore the pictures and the sounds it would stop never let her rest. She couldn’t work so she spent the rest of her life on disability unable to cope with the simplest things. She scared me it was like her aurora was off kilter…but I did try to talk to her. The neighborhood shunned her because they thought she was a streetwalker which she wasn’t. I remember I said prayer for her when we passed on the sidewalk. The next day she told me God appeared to her and tried to heal her 3 times and it didn’t work and I was in the vision/picture/dream. Spooky.

  78. Acid is way better. The first time I tried it, I saw a jackpot machine in the sky and it kept coming up happy faces.

  79. Hunker down and hang on in there. Also, plenty of kitty pats. And, check out Hailey being all GOT – she is mega cool

  80. Having plenty of misspent youth behind me, I can confirm it was exactly like acid when I looked away!

    Glad you’re back on the upswing, Jenny. You certainly brighten a lot of other people’s lives.

    Jx

  81. I shall check this out later when I have more interesting things to look at afterwards. I think the shorter days are catching up to me mentally and my vitamin D is low. Time to curl up in a sun patch and re-energize to push through. Feel better soon and get out to vote today! Wear something shocking to the polls and bring a stuffed fried along to really make the poll attendees blink twice.

  82. I’m sorry you’re depressed. Sometimes that sad feeling comes after a big high. You think you’ll be pumped forever but then realize you can’t sustain it. Life gets in the way.

  83. Damn my stupid migraine-brain….seriously want to tell it that it’s not the boss of me and watch the video but suspect I’ll end up in a puddled state screaming “why?!” at myself later when the brain flips it’s shit.

    I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better today…((hugs))

  84. Gotta tell you, I retweeted your picture yesterday & woke up to emails telling me my twitter account must have been hacked because there was a post there that people knew I would never post 🙂
    hahahhaha – had to explain it was an optical illusion picture & they wouldn’t be spammed or horrified by me if they checked it out…………………
    🙂

    Hope you’re feeling on the better side today – I struggle this time of year too – holiday’s were so different when I was a child……………………

  85. Acid is awesome! But not when you’re depressed. Or pregnant. Shit does not go well in either state of disrepair.

    Signed: Michelle in the jungles of Belize. Seriously.

  86. This is CERTAINLY NOT the best time of year for anyone’s mental state. Turn on all the happy lights! I just sent mine to my sister-in-law who recently moved to Alaska. She is going to need them WAY more than I will this year. And I’m cheering myself up by just remembering that I DON’T LIVE IN FREAKING ALASKA!. So there’s that. Sounds a little mean but whatever gets you through, right! Hope you feel better soon. Daylight savings is a bitch!

  87. That’s curious. I do get sinus-related migraines but watched the vid anyway. Nothing at all happened when I looked away. :-/

  88. I’m a wimp about those videos, but I’m glad you’re feeling stuff. Feeling is good. Right now I’m in kind of a wander-around-the-house-looking-out-various-windows kind of thing, and I’m not liking it much, so, yeah. Here’s to tomorrow.

  89. Didn’t work for me. Perhaps I concentrated too hard on reading the message, so I focused on the letters and not the whole image. Glad you’re feeling a bit better. The weather has been beautiful, but emotionally, this fall sucked. Maybe there are depression spores in that air that only certain people react to. Please take care of yourself.

  90. We should all hold hands and whisper kind words to one another. It may not make the depression go away but it certainly would make it a bit easier to manage. And also gentle reminders to put on pants because despite what some of today’s youths believe, the world really isn’t interested in the color of your underwear. Love and hugs.

  91. Thanks for sharing! This is as close as I’ll get to acid. Drugs in general both intrigue and terrify me. I’m fairly convinced I have an addictive personality (as evidenced by my inability to give up chocolate, coffee or any other vice). Trying hallucinogenics seems like a bad idea. Also, I’m fucked up enough without them.

  92. As a graduate of the druggie days of the early 70s, I can testify that that really IS what acid like. Of course, acid does a lot more than make one see squiggly moving lines and pictures in the static.

  93. So sorry you are battling depression again. #DepressionLies. It will be sunny one day.
    PS: I do get migraines but needed to see what this was all about. The comments are way better after the video.

  94. Just wanted to say glad you’re feeling a few emotions a bit again. I didn’t realize I was anxious to the point of depression again until I finally broke down and SOBBED a few nights ago. Before that it was weeks of just barely getting through the day, being held immobile by my own brain, and . . well, you know the rest. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone, and I’m glad we’re in this together (even though it sucks). Good luck! Reach out to us other weirdos whenever you need to. We’re here for you. 🙂 <3

    *please note I use "weirdos" in as loving a way as possible! I'm one of them too!

  95. I tried acid once – and then went and saw one of the first Star Wars movies in a theater. It was kind of terrifying and absolutely memorable. I didn’t do acid again after that.

  96. Not watching. Just over a hospital induced migraine, and epic nausea. I thld them that the chemials they were dumoing into me were making me sick. They said impossible. Then i started puking green and bloody puke, on my bed because the nurse refused to get me a pan. Then she refuesed to give me a replacement blanket. I was too sick to move for 2 hours. Then i went into the hallway and explaied that I was going to stand there and remove the IV myself and go home. I also told her that somebody neededto help my roommate who had been waiting as long as i had. They did. Did I mention the anxiety attack? Then i came home and took ginger and slept until I could open my eyes without being sick. So, I’m afraid of your video, but wish you wellness in all ways

  97. Mostly that video made me nauseous, is that normal? Also having delusion kick my ass recently. I am feeling again, but it’s mostly anger and irritation. Also crying. Not really sad, just crying at random because my brain hates me. It’s an asshole like that.

  98. sorry to hear the depression monkeys are flying. you are awesome and fabulous, even awesome and cute…seriously. remember that depression lies all the time—whereas you and I only lie occasionally….on purpose! And no, depression does not make our asses fatter. It just likes to think that it does. Fuck you depression!!!

  99. Ohhhh the memories. Yes that is kinda what it is like……. ohhhhh goodness not watching that again or doing that again for that matter!!!!
    Hope you get feeling better

  100. Fuck depression. If it helps at all, I’d like you to know what an enormous difference you’ve made in my life. You and the beautifully weird community you’ve gathered here have led me to realize I’m not alone in being extra-crazy. And because of the support and encouragement of all y’all, I’ve realized that maybe I don’t need to spend the rest of my life ashamed of my mental illnesses. In other news: I took myself out to dinner tonight to celebrate my continued survival. The meal was so ridiculously delicious that I proposed to the chef. (He’s already married.)

  101. Wow Kait — That nurse needs to be disciplined! If the administration won’t do it, I’ve got a 2×4 in my shed. I’m not violent — but she needs a good dope slap. You shouldn’t sign up to work in a service profession if you’re going to get huffy about people feeling nauseous. Give the patient a stupid puke bucket even if you swear she can’t be sick. Because maybe she’s sick for some reason OTHER than the meds.
    Grr. If they’re understaffed that day, she could at least have brought the room’s trash can over to your bed.
    I’m not a nurse (waaay too squeamish) but I’m related to many including a former dean of nursing at a state university. So I think I’m qualified to rant a little. (RIP Aunt Reina you taught me well.)

  102. That was fun! I did it while eating raisins and feeding my kids lunch….sorta. My youngest liked me saying the letters out loud and kept repeating them. When I looked at him when it was done, he was all swirly, so fun for the both of us!

  103. Okay that psycho thing only made me feel vaguely nauseous with no melting walls or talking colors. I’m feeling way mislead here. As for you fighting depression right now, mucho love and good thoughts to you. I bought one of your depression lies ornaments from your zazzle store and when I feel myself starting to get lost, I pull it out of its secure place in my purse and looking at it helps center me. Thank you for that. Actually, I can’t thank you enough. “Depression Lies” has become my mantra and keeps me from losing myself a great deal of the time. <3

  104. Sorry about the depression. (I go through it too. Never sure, either, what’s worse–the numbness, or the ick feeling of being out of numbness, bleagh!) Wishing you kitteh smiles and gravy and blue lizards and all things good.

  105. Depression gets me like that every time. Every freaking time, and I’ve been around that block so many times…. Even when I’m actually sick, I always question myself “is this real, or is this depression?” like depression isn’t “real?” Glad to hear you’re coming back. Be well.

  106. It didn’t work for me — I think it’s because I took so much acid back in the 70’s that it’s just par for the course. Fun reading along though.

  107. Did anyone manage to read what it said? I got don’t live in a world of reality live in a world of and then I lost track because I got woozy.

  108. As someone who already hallucinates…this wasn’t very…well it didn’t do much for me. Made my eyes twitch & went away after 2 seconds. I think when you’re already seeing weird stuff it’s just kinda ‘normal’ I guess.

  109. The hell? I’m disappointed. I must be more broken that usual.I was looking forward to that, too. On the bright side, the sun is setting through the trees and it’s beautiful, so I’ll take that as a bonus.

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