I’ve never liked the song “I Can’t Go For That“ because this guy seems totally untrustworthy. I’ve never actually paid attention to all the lyrics but the chorus is telling enough, I think:
“I’ll do anything that you want me to.”
“Oh. I’ll do almost anything that you want me to.”
“I CAN’T GO FOR THAT.”
“No, I… NO CAN DO.”
“ICAN’TGOFORTHAT. ICAN’TGOFORTHAT. I CAN’T GO FOR THAAAAAT!”
I’m not sure why he changed so suddenly but it certainly shows his lack of dedication. He’s like Blaine in Pretty in Pink. “I’ll do anything that you want me to.” Really, Blaine? Will you tell your friends about me? “Well, almost anything.” What about prom, Blaine? “I CAN’T HEAR YOU. LALALALALA.”
In fairness, I should listen to the full song because maybe the singer was like, “Baby, I’ll do anything you want. Wanna a neck rub?” and she was like, “No, but you could help me with this cocaine enema. I’ll get the towels” and he was like, “Well, I meant…almost anything.” And she was like, “Can you help me dismember a body?” and he was all “Can I do what now? No.” And then she’s like, “Fine. I need you to kill this kitten for Satan” and he was all, “You want me to kill Mr. Tinkles? WHAT IS YOUR DEAL, LADY? NO CAN DO.”
Honestly, I bet she didn’t even want to date him. She was probably just testing to see if he was really fully invested. Or to teach him the importance of avoiding hyperbole and exaggeration when it comes to seduction. Or maybe she was just really into Satan and cocaine enemas. Hard to tell. Frankly, the whole song just makes me glad I’m not single. Victor and I have been married for 18 years and our song is more like “I can’t clean up that cat vomit or I’ll vomit too.” “Fine. I’ll clean up the cat vomit if you handle all the large spiders that get in the house.” “Deal.” “You want get some tacos?” “Yeah. I could go for that.” It’s not as rhymey but it works for us.
And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- You might not be able to see it. But when you do you can’t unsee it. And that’s what makes it awesome.
- Looking for the perfect holiday card for that special someone? Knock knock , motherfucker.
- Or if you’re looking for something more religious, I suggest this.
Shit that I’m vaguely involved with on the internets:
Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:
- This. Just for the reviews alone.
This week‘s wrap-up is brought to you by the always fabulous SilkWords. They specialize in choose-your-own-adventure online erotic stories and right now they’re doing a few where the story unfolds with reader participation. Readers are given choices and then vote on what happens next, and then the author writes the next installment. Membership is free for adults. You should check them out here.