I can’t go for that.

I’ve never liked the song I Can’t Go For That because this guy seems totally untrustworthy.  I’ve never actually paid attention to all the lyrics but the chorus is telling enough, I think:

“I’ll do anything that you want me to.”

“Oh.  I’ll do almost anything that you want me to.”


“No, I…  NO CAN DO.”


I’m not sure why he changed so suddenly but it certainly shows his lack of dedication.  He’s like Blaine in Pretty in Pink.  “I’ll do anything that you want me to.”  Really, Blaine?  Will you tell your friends about me?  “Well, almost anything.”  What about prom, Blaine? “I CAN’T HEAR YOU.  LALALALALA.”

In fairness, I should listen to the full song because maybe the singer was like, “Baby, I’ll do anything you want.  Wanna a neck rub?” and she was like, “No, but you could help me with this cocaine enema.  I’ll get the towels” and he was like, “Well, I meant…almost anything.”  And she was like, “Can you help me dismember a body?” and he was all “Can I do what now?  No.”  And then she’s like,  “Fine.  I need you to kill this kitten for Satan” and he was all, “You want me to kill Mr. Tinkles?  WHAT IS YOUR DEAL, LADY?  NO CAN DO.”

Honestly, I bet she didn’t even want to date him.  She was probably just testing to see if he was really fully invested.  Or to teach him the importance of avoiding hyperbole and exaggeration when it comes to seduction.  Or maybe she was just really into Satan and cocaine enemas.  Hard to tell.  Frankly, the whole song just makes me glad I’m not single.  Victor and I have been married for 18 years and our song is more like “I can’t clean up that cat vomit or I’ll vomit too.”  “Fine.  I’ll clean up the cat vomit if you handle all the large spiders that get in the house.”  “Deal.”  “You want get some tacos?”  “Yeah.  I could go for that.”  It’s not as rhymey but it works for us.


And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:


Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit that I’m vaguely involved with on the internets:


Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:

  • This.  Just for the reviews alone.

This week‘s wrap-up is brought to you by the always fabulous SilkWords.  They specialize in choose-your-own-adventure online erotic stories and right now they’re doing a few where the story unfolds with reader participation. Readers are given choices and then vote on what happens next, and then the author writes the next installment. Membership is free for adults.  You should check them out here.

128 thoughts on “I can’t go for that.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I always thought they should do a mashup with “I would do anything for love but I won’t do that.” Do what? It’s all just vague-singing.

  2. He waited for the right time to disclose what he couldn’t go for.
    Him: “Dancing? I can’t go for that.”
    Me: “But we went dancing every weekend when we were dating.”
    Him: “I always hated it.”
    Me: “But it’s our wedding reception.”
    Him: “Right. Last time I have to.”

  3. I’m going to go with the testing thing. I had boyfriends in high school I’d do that to. It was kind of sadistic, but we didn’t have the internet back then, so I needed entertainment.

  4. I always wanted to know what the thing was Meatloaf wouldn’t do for love. Now I suspect it was a cocaine enema.

    (I just spent about 15 minutes staring at the tote bag. And then I got it. And I chortled. 🙂

  5. Well I guess I know what I’ll be singing the rest of the day. As punishment I will leave you with yesterday’s ear worm (for me): IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

  6. Remember the meatloaf song about how he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that? I always wondered what she had asked of him.

  7. I always assume “that” is a delicate euphemism for anal, but it turns out you’re closer with Satan. To wit: “You got the body now you want my soul/Don’t even think about it, say no go.” I’d think he was a prude for not keeping an open mind sexually, but it is a little forward to demand someone’s soul no matter how long you’ve been dating. I’d say no go, too.

  8. About the UFO-02 Detector. “Customers who viewed this item also viewed”: Outlook for Wooden Toilet Seats. Best of David Hasselhof. Wolf Urine Lure.
    Makes me think we really do live in interesting times.

  9. Whi doesn’t want to go watch Pretty In Pink now? Blaine is one of the best bad boy characters! And any man that wouldn’t assist in a cocaine enema or in dismembering a body is completely useless. Kidding of course. Or am I? *raises one eyebrow

  10. Am I the only one who doesn’t understand the subtle design on the tote bag? Do I just need to stare at it longer? Is it a trick? Please don’t make fun of me!

  11. Oh dear. How to get both Daryl and Oates AND Meatloaf out of my head.
    Oh thanks, now I ‘ m hungry. I can go for that!

  12. Hall & Oates, I used to love their stuff. Now I can’t get past how much the dark haired Oates looks like my ex husband and I just can’t go for that anymore.

  13. Am I the only one who doesn’t get the design on the tote bag? Do I just need to stare at it longer? Quit playing games with my heart!

  14. “I Can’t Go For That” is actually an excellent song if you listen to all the lyrics. The guy in the song is finally standing up to a woman who is pretty much using him (“When does it stop, where do you dare me to draw the line / You got the body now you want my soul.”). The chorus is him telling her enough is enough. The big question is how horribly overbearing has she been to him? Are we talking about insisting her man empties the dishwasher? Or that he helps her bury a body? Because one of these things might be objectionable to the average guy. I’ll let you decide which one.

  15. Yeah, it kind of reminds me of Meatloaf’s tortured “I would do anything for love…but I won’t do that.”

    But hang on dude, you just said anything. Anything doesn’t mean ‘everything but this one thing over here I’ve decided is an exception’ (and I’m not telling you what that is!)


  16. I’m pretty sure I don’t get it (tote bag). Furthest I can get is that it looks like a sideways ‘ook’. Now it’s going to obsessively bug me. hint? spoiler? please?

  17. I thought we were strange for having a i will clean up vomit and fecees if you take care of all dead things and bugs with the exception of spiders kinda deal. Nice to know its a thing for others as well ( he won’t eat tacos though heart burn gets him evey time)

  18. Yes all of these love songs where people claim they’d do anything are really careful about giving caveats. It reminds me of the Treehouse of Horror with Homer and the Monkey’s paw.

  19. Gah! The UFO detector both intrigues me and scares the living crap out of me. Because what do you do when the alarm goes off? Personally, I would beshit myself or have a heart attack. Or possibly both at the same time…

  20. Arrrg! I don’t get the tote bag and it is making me crazier than my usual crazy. I think I see something then I don’t then I do… Please explain. I feel like a dunce!

  21. Daryl Hall hosts that “Live from Daryl’s House” webcast. Maybe you can request that her perform that song, and ask if he’ll write a new verse that mentions cleaning up cat vomit. I bet he’d gain some new fans.


    (Turn it sideways. ~ Jenny)

  23. Judging by the men famous for singing about how they would do ANYTHING… except for that, I can only assume that “that” is “get a haircut”. Dudes had some serious Sampson issues.

  24. I have no idea who I’ll send the card to, but I had to buy one. Er, two. Because one for me. Hee.

  25. oh for jesus’ sake.

    ..thanks, Jenny; I was going to have to run screaming out of my workplace in murderous frustration if I hadn’t solved that.

  26. “I’ve never actually paid attention to all the lyrics but the chorus is telling enough”..
    It’s not because you didn’t pay attention, it’s because THERE ARE NO OTHER LYRICS. Almost. Here are all of them:

    Easy, ready, willing, overtime
    Where does it stop, where do you dare me to draw the line
    You’ve got the body now you want my soul
    Don’t even think about it, say no go

    I can go for being twice as nice
    I can go for just repeating the same old lines
    Use the body now you want my soul
    Ooh, forget about it, say no go

    Which just proves it is possible to right an awesome, awesome pop song with only one thought in it and almost no verses.

  27. After 25 mostly good years of marriage our love song is “She Drives Me Crazy” by the Fine Young cannibals! For us it’s a true representation of our relationship!

  28. Speaking of being old enough, I was driving home from a writing retreat and I heard the music for The American Top Forty. Casey Kasem was answering a question. I was right back on our gold shag carpet with my finger on the play and the record button of my boom box to record my favorite song and scribble down the title. I still always assume song titles are the things they say repeatedly which is why I always thought Ani Difranco sang a song called Fuck You. Anyway, the number 22 song was by Stevie Winwood and it answered so much about why I was so awkward in those years. It was just such a weird, We Built This City, Shout, Shout, Let it All Out randomness, you know?

  29. A solid division of labor is key to a relationship. I snake the bathtub drain. She’ll clean the toilet. I deal with mice, she deals with raw meat. And we both clean up the cat vomit. – And by the way, we just had our own 18th anniversary a few days ago. Hitched in 96! Almost rhymey. But then it would be “hixed in ’96”, which is too close to hexed, and . . . I think your rambling, free-association style might be contagious . . .

  30. I’m just sad that the tote bag reviews (or any of the item reviews) aren’t shop specific but rather for the Zazzle product as a whole.

  31. That song made me think of this song…. (love Meatloaf much more than Hall and Oates)

  32. Thank you for a genuine laugh out loud today! I’m all for a guy who “no can do” anything injurious to kittens. That Blaine, what a poser d-bag he wound up being! Now I need to go listen to anything other than that song…which I never could go for.

  33. My musician friend introduced me to cymatics and it’s fascinating! Kind of alien and bizarre..unless you’re smart, then it’s just science. My friend is very smart. I like shiny things.

  34. I surely hope you reveal the secret of the tote bag. Otherwise you will be personally responsible for a significant loss of productivity in America during the third week of November, 2014.

  35. I swear on all that is holy I am an idiot. I usually get things like this but for the life of me I turned the tote bag sideways and STILL dont see it.

  36. Beware the unsuspecting tote bag recipient. And where can I get one of those cool lightening suits? The husband could wear it on the golf course!

  37. I first heard the song when I was a youngun, and what I surmised at the time was that he was very in lust with her, and she liked the idea of a bad boy. She wanted him to take her with him and make her a vampire (that old chestnut), and he was too much of a pussy to do it.
    It’s either that, or she wanted to try anal shrug. Either way, still a better love story than twilight.

  38. Wiat!!!! If it involves the handle I GOT IT!! I am looking at it on my phone and handle was covered by their ad. Whew!!!

    (It does. You win. ~ Jenny)

  39. Blaine. Damn haven’t thought of him in so long and yet I sadly know all the lines.

  40. I still don’t see it… even after turning it sideways. I think I need a glass of wine.

  41. Okay, now that saw the the handle is involved… Now I get it. I need a glass of wine to celebrate. 🙂

  42. Now I don’t even want to listen to the original song. I don’t want to tarnish this perfectly viable interpretation that I already like.

  43. They have a short youtube up on the UFO detector’s operation, here:


    No comments yet! GO COMMENT!

    It’s actually a lot smaller than I thought it would be for fifty bucks, but still cute.

  44. Do you know ”taco cat” is taco cat spelt backwards? [unfortuately I didn’t make that up myself, I found it in Twitter).

  45. 4
    I can’t believe there was a song that went like, “I always feel like…somebody’s watching me”. I mean, what’s up with THAT …little paranoid aren’t we…? That guy’s got some shit.

  46. I feel like a winner now! Jumped in my seat, excited that I FINALLY got the tote bag. It was so subtle that I didn’t saw. And then just assumed my mind needed cleaning. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the spoilers (thank god for them), I would be here till morning trying to figure this one out. All I can say is: GENIUS.

  47. Well, I guess having all of this stuck in my head is better than the stupid Wayfair commercial in my brain on repeat: “Wayfair, you’ve got what I need…” But I can’t go for that either.

  48. That’s kind of like the deal in our house. “Nikki! Spider!” “Fine, I’ll kill it if you get rid of the next slug we find in the house. I can’t stand those fuckers.” “Tacos sound good, what do you think?” “Tacos sound great, but I don’t want to go anywhere. How about we get some pizza.” “What do you like on your pizza?” “Anything except onions, peppers, and mushrooms.” “I LOVE YOU.”

  49. Can I just say that you and Victor have a very healthy relationship. All negotiations should end with tacos!

  50. So I couldn’t help myself, I Googled “cocaine enema”. 2nd on the page was thus post, but at the top of the results page is an entire forum discussion devoted to introducing illegal drugs into the body via an enema. I stopped reading when they started talking about using butter via the same route as the enema. I just thought if I was going to be frightened and traumatized by reading that, then we should all be frightened and traumatized ttogether. You’re welcome.

  51. I always assumed it was murder he/she was asking them to do (or to cut their hair) but that was just me, I always was a strange kid… (and still am, forthewin!)

  52. I think that bag could be so many things. First I see a woman with her arms raised (is she about to do the Carlton)? I also see a sad puppy. Then if I turn it one way (using your hint), it looks like it says cock.

  53. Is anyone else getting a Pinterest “There’s more to see. Sign up to see the rest of what’s here?” I don’t want to sign into my Pinterest account. I just want to read Jenny’s posts and find these banners very irritating.

    (Pinterest started doing that a bit ago. It’s shitty and I want them to stop. ~ Jenny)

  54. As a huge Hall and Oates fan, I actually sung the last paragraph, and it works well. Awesome earworm. 🙂

  55. I used to think people were saying ‘hall of notes’ and it was like some sort of place where they honored great musicians. I was also really disturbed when someone told me they liked ‘barenaked ladies’. I thought I was being propositioned.

  56. So what does it say about me that I totally “got” the tote bag in like 2.2 seconds?

  57. I’m with the above poster. I don’t actually HAVE a pinterest account and have no intentions of getting one despite Pinterests attempts to gangpress me into joining, so I am now blocked from much of the wit of the Bloggess. Bummer.

  58. Honestly, would any of you, especially those who grew up in the 70’s and 80’s, give a shit if Hall or Oates, “[couldn’t] go for it”?!?! I would have said, mostly because they were incredibly creepy, “later dudes, there’s the door! Take your hair with you!” Maybe those two should have been more open to “going for it”, as they might still be singing at event centers instead of county fairs!

    Bloggess Jenny, I have no idea how I found this blog, it could have been when I was googling chickens because the first one I ever read was about that giant chicken a few weeks back, but you crack me up. Usually I think blogs are petty and self centered, but you seem quite witty and made out of “my cloth”. I live in the South, now, and miss bantering with sarcastic, somewhat jaded (yet realistic) women who are not afraid to say the word “fuck” and put pictures of themselves up with no makeup and their hair being done, as well as, and I have no idea what to call those bizarre photos you put up the other day, putting “glamour”!??! shots on public domain sites! Rock on sister, and because of you I am now the owner of a giant metal Razorback Hog that, much to my disappointment, I sat on my porch, rang the bell and excited my husband so much that he let me go back and buy another one! That was not the response I was hoping for nor expecting! I’d love to do a photo op with your chicken and my hog!

  59. Okay – guys, I have the explanation to Hall And Oates’ song AND Meatloaf’s song. It’s in the lyrics.

    Here’s the Hall and Oates –

    “You’ve got the body
    Now you want my soul
    Don’t even think about it
    Say, no go”

    So the thing that Hall and Oates can’t go for is giving his paramour his soul.

    And as for Meatloaf:

    “I would do anything for love
    I’d never lie to you and that’s a fact
    But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now,
    Oh no, no way
    And I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that
    No, I won’t do that”

    And later:

    After a while you’ll forget everything
    It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night’s fling
    And you’ll see that it’s time to move on

    I won’t do that
    I won’t do that”

    So the thing that he won’t do is Leave Her.

    Which means:

    • “I Can’t Go For That” is a song about a guy who’s been sexing up the Devil, and
    • “I Would Do Anything For Love” is a song being sung by a creepy stalker.


  60. I like that song of 18 years. That’s the kind of song that will give you another 18 years. And those are the ones that count:).

  61. Three out of five dentists agree that cats are devil spawn and that James Spader has had a better career than Andrew McCarthy. More fun being bad than good.

  62. On the UFO-02 Detector:
    Customer Questions & Answers
    Q: Will this also detect Anal probe’s?
    A: Sadly no. sits on inflatable rubber ring
    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I lost it there. Not even to the actual reviews yet.And now I have a strong need to go watch The Mighty Boosh.

  63. I heard recently that one of the two (Hall or Oates, I’ve forgotten which) commented recently that the song was actually about the music industry. So… there you go!

  64. I love your marriage. I read your book before I found you online, and I remember as I was reading, getting overly-anxious that your relationship with Victor was going to end. I was so glad the book didn’t happen that way. And I’m even happier to read about you guys online. You’re my favorite internet-famous couple, for sure.

  65. Blaine was the worst, wasn’t he?? Seriously. I love that damn movie but at the end I want to throw things when he BLAMES ANDIE FOR HIM DUMPING HER. Y’know, his whole “You said you can’t be with someone who doesn’t believe in you. Well, I believed in you. But you didn’t believe in me.” walks away Andie chases after him
    Oh…oh, I’m sorry, Blaine, can you explain how exactly you were ‘believing in Andie’ when you were ignoring her calls? Or when she said “WHAT ABOUT PROM, BLAINE??” and you lamely said “I asked someone else and forgot.” Can you show me where in that conversation you BELIEVED IN ANDIE??? throws things

    …I’m sorry, that whole thing just gets me very heated.

  66. Hall and Oates + Blaine + Jessie’s Girl on the radio at lunch = hitting the 80’s trifecta today. Sometimes I really miss the 80’s.

  67. The Cymatics music was really intriguing…although it reminded me a little of the talent show scene at the end of “Revenge of the Nerds”

  68. Meat Loaf’s song spells out that what he won’t do is cheat on her.
    Anyone who even talks to someone named “Blaine” gets what they deserve.
    Victor is right.
    Here endeth the lesson.

  69. And for more songs about anal, I’ll submit Joan Jett’s “Do Ya Wanna Touch (Me There)?
    I mean, does anyone really sing that song using the verb “touch” rather than the other one?

  70. For this reason I always get so annoyed when I hear “I would do anything for love (but I won’t do that)” by Meat Loaf.
    According to my mum, the one thing he won’t do is marry her. So he’d do ANYTHING for her, but the ONE thing he won’t do, is marry her? That’s just stupid…
    I just looked up the lyrics, though, and it ends with:

    I know the territory, I’ve been around
    It’ll all turn to dust and we’ll all fall down
    Sooner or later you’ll be screwing around
    I won’t do that
    No, I won’t do that

    Which makes it sound like the only thing he won’t do is cheat. But then the ‘but’ in ‘but I won’t do that’ doesn’t make sense, so I don’t know.

  71. I’m shocked it hasn’t been mentioned yet but if you haven’t you really need to go listen to the bird and the bee’s cover of this song. In fact, go listen to the whole album. Yes, they have a whole album of Hall and Oates covers. You’re welcome.

  72. Discussing the 1981 Hall & Oates hit ‘I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do),’ Oates told Philly.com that what might sound like a guy telling off his significant other is actually “about the music business.”

    Explained Oates, “That song is really about not being pushed around by big labels, managers, and agents and being told what to do, and being true to yourself creatively. Calling it “typical of a lot of the lyrics we’ve written over the years,” he added, “It seems like it’s about one thing, but it’s really not. What we have always tried to do, and if we have any kind of philosophy for our lyrics over the years, it was to try to take a universal subject and somehow make it seem personal so that people could relate to it as if it was a personal thing.”

    Oates, who also recently disclosed that Hall & Oates’ ‘Rich Girl’ isn’t actually about a girl, went on to reveal that although it seems to be about a predatory woman, the duo’s 1982 smash ‘Maneater’ was really written about New York City. “‘Maneater’ is about NYC in the ’80s,” he explained. “It’s about greed, avarice, and spoiled riches. But we have it in the setting of a girl because it’s more relatable. It’s something that people can understand. That’s what we do all of the time.”

    Read More: John Oates Reveals the Real Meaning Behind Hall & Oates’ Hits | http://ultimateclassicrock.com/hall-oates-song-meaning/?trackback=tsmclip

  73. I’m pretty sure it is proof that Daryl Hall and Meatloaf both used to date the same girl. Daryl can’t go for that, and Meatloaf won’t do that.

  74. “You want get some tacos?” “Yeah. I could go for that.” It’s not as rhymey but it works for us.

    You are speaking my language, now!

    I love H & O though. Not gonna lie. 😀

  75. Don’t get me started on Pretty in Pink. I will rant at you for thirty minutes how she not only should have gone with Duckie, but that she DID go with Duckie in the original ending!!! RARGH!

    At least we have “Some Kind of Wonderful” as an apology.

  76. Ok, I read this post but the whole time I was trying to sing the Meatloaf song in my head.

  77. So that last paragraph about how one of you has to clean up the cat vomit and the other one has to get the spiders, and then you both want some tacos? THAT IS MY MARRIAGE. I’m beginning to suspect I’m married to you, secretly.

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