There’s this girl online named Gemma Correll who draws pictures of cats and pugs and anxiety and stuff, and when I saw her illustrated map of an introvert’s heart I was like “Yep. It’s just like this. Except add more twitter.”
Then I went on twitter and followed her and tried to send her a tweet…
…but spellcheck was like “‘Friends?’ Nope. I don’t think so.” And I thought, “Am I spelling ‘friends’ wrong?” so I clicked on it and spellcheck was like, “Maybe you should look up ‘friends’ because you keep using that word and I don’t think it means what you think it means.”
So then I was like, “Fine, spellcheck. I don’t what your deal is but if it makes you happy I’ll look it up,” and spellcheck was like, “Great. Because it means this: It means you’re asking someone to like you who isn’t even related to you.”
…and I was like, “Yeah. I already knew that. Why are you doing this? I can have friends.” And the spellcheck was like, “Yeah, you’re obviously not getting it. Why don’t I give you some suggestions?…
…Did you maybe mean ‘fiends’? Did you mean that you should be ‘fiends’ with this girl? Because that makes more sense.” And I was like “WHAT IN THE SHIT ARE YOU IMPLYING?” and spellcheck was like, “Well, I just…I know you. And I’m trying to help. Why don’t you just look up ‘fiends’ just in case?”
And then I was like “Wow. Thanks, spellcheck. I almost asked someone to be my friend when apparently what I really meant to say was, ‘Hey. Love your work. We should be THE DEVIL.’ Thanks for saving me from that near-catastrophe!” And then spellcheck was like, “Whatever. You don’t have to be sarcastic. I was just trying to help you.” And then I felt bad.
And then I wrote this blog post and it’s basically one terrible run-on sentence but spell-check isn’t saying anything about it so I’m pretty sure that means spellcheck isn’t speaking to me anymore. I think we’re in a fight and I suspect spellcheck is breaking up with me. Hopefully we can still be
And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- I spent hours making this strange collage and I have no idea why but I like it but now it’s a shirt. Also available in black.
- As requested, the perfect flask for communion if you’re in the Church of Bloggessianism. Fill with wine, chocolate, gravy or whatever makes your day brighter.
- Drawstring backpack with Hunter S. Thomcat. I made this for my daughter but I’m stealing it to use as a book bag.
- My double sided ornaments and cards are 50% off until midnight if you use the code “SUPERFUNDEAL” at checkout.
Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:
This week‘s wrap-up is brought to you by the fantastic Kelly Exeter at A Life Less Frantic. If 2014 hasn’t treated you very well, then her short and sweet little book Your Best Year Yet can help turn things around for you in 2015. She’s so confident of this, she’ll give you your money back if it doesn’t happen. I bought a copy myself this afternoon and I’ve already underlined a few parts that I really needed to hear. You should check it out here.