You know when you google something and it autocorrects to EXACTLY what you want? No, you don’t. Because that doesn’t happen.
Like when I was trying to figure out if women were ever cannibals, or if it’s more of an all-male profession and Google was all, “I’LL HELP YOU!”
First of all, you are not going to guess what I’m googling based on just the word “Are”. Secondly, who is googling “Are you here?” What are you expecting as an answer?
Then I kept typing and this happened:
Google: “Oh, my bad. You were looking for something else, obviously. I’ll just let you finish -WAIT – IS IT, “ARE CARROTS GOOD FOR DOGS?“”
No, Google. Of course it’s not. Just. Stop. I don’t need your help.
OMG, stop it, Google. They aren’t even called “Candy Corns.” What is wrong with you?
No. Just… I didn’t even mean to type that “H” and you’re all “You know who’s a cannibal? Hamsters and hillbillies.” That’s so out of left-field. Where are you getting your information?
First off, albinos are not cannibals and why are you even saying that? Frankly, it’s offensive. And your fifth suggestion is “we are all cannibals”. Because I don’t think we are. Same for hamsters and hillbillies and albinos. Just stop making assumptions.
Who is teaching you this?
My God, Google. Who did this to you?
You know what, Google? The first one? I’ll give you that. But then you move straight to “Are cannibals always meerkats“. Is this what you’re doing with your time? Is this the question you think we’re asking?
Someone hurt you, Google. Someone hurt you.
And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- 100 tiny card to tell people how awful they are.
- “Well, hellooo…” Ferris Mewler is trying to seduce you.
- 2015 Bloggess Calendar. Full of awesome.
- “Oh Bless.” For when you don’t have time to say “You ridiculous, stupid-ass motherfucker.”
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
- Remember last week when I mentioned the woman leading a troop of girls at a local homeless shelter? So many of you donated to help her with meals and supplies, and have you see it now? Because you should.
- Mind blown.
Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by the fantastic Crumple + Toss. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and you know what that means: a bunch of ugly, lame cards that offer no acceptable sentiment for your special someone! HOORAY! Crumple + Toss to the rescue! Even if you want to just tell a friend they rule so hard. No one said we had to sit in front of Netflix with oreos alone, y’all. (My personal favorite.)